Seriously though, I don't remember a year that has started off with so many ups & downs. O_o Today in the same day I had to clean up pee & vomit as well as tell my bosses that someone needed to be permanently booted from our store. I also had to stay home yesterday, I had a little stress problem & it made me really tired. I went to work for a few hours & came home & slept for 3 more. Still tired. Eh. Anyway, I also found out that my bosses screwed up my last pay raise so I'm getting two raises in the next month AND they're paying me all the back pay they owe from September of last year. So I get a bonus back pay check & my rate of pay will be about .50 more than it is now on my regular check & on my next check (the final raise until Nov.) I'll be up to almost $12 an hour. I'm more excited about this, because it gives us a better chance of being able to pay for rent all on our own for longer without having to worry as much. Yeeeeeeee. damn this year is crazy already

In addition to the little hiccup this morning I finally dropped my phone the final time. Shattered!!!
Although, it's kinda sad, I'm actually more impressed than anything else. I think this one lasted a year & half two @ most-with no case whatsoever. That's pretty decent actually. So, I guess I'll be looking for a new one soon. c:

I guess if this account goes kaput (I made some mistakes) you can still find me on weasyl

https://www.weasyl.com/~luxoriri

Or can contact me via email fellintolight[at]hotmail.com

Just a precaution, but...this day is off to a rough start, so I might as well

He moved out & found a job out of state!! Our apartment never looked so nice. I was down to my last $15 & my tax refund showed up & saved my ass. Happy Valentines & hope you're doing well out there!!

http://www.furaffinity.net/full/19047484/
For reals, these designs will be awesome!!
Looks like a tiered scale from $10 for single view design up to $50 essentially for design w/ref sheet
Any gender, any species, SFW or NSFW
AND you can gift designs!!
Take a look, yeah? :3

http://www.furaffinity.net/user/des.....cablecrowbutt/

Has had to put their dog down & is needing some financial help look @ this beauty she's selling
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/19029114/
Seriously please somebody give this baby a good home!
She's taking money offers only & could use an offer
That will actually help her with her bills too!
Please please take a look!

It's not completely 100% yet but,
Our roommate is moving out in a week!
He's moving to WA for a job opportunity.
He's leaving most of the furniture & who knows what else behind.
This week has been a great week, I'm getting my first binder,
Been feeling a lot better mentally
my fiance has been particularly amazing lately
Things are already pretty awesome lately & now
We'll have our apartment to ourselves!
What's going on in your world?

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/18878813/ -winged rainbow canid anthro female

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/18878924/ -little deer/human anthro female

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/18879024/ -feral ice canine (indeterminate gender)

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/18879241/ - deer/cervine anthro female

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/17613550/ -candlebeast (personal creation)

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/17648060/ -candlebeast (personal creation)

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/18347727/ -male anthro canine brown/

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/18968239/ -male anthro pink doberman

You're welcome to make offers via comment or note.
Please note any specifications regarding ownership on the submission!!!
What I am looking for in a trade:
Non typical species, maybe dragons, deer, unicorns, birds, hybrids, moths, possible insectiods, ect.

I found out I have an investment fund in my hometown that is now in my name (from when I was little) I guess it's what's left of my college fund. If I can get it over here, I might have a few extra hundreds to get us out of here. If that doesn't pan out as quickly as I'd like, then my mate & I will be combining our tax refunds for the same reason. So, I'm feeling a bit more relaxed.

In other news, still looking for counseling. It turns out my bosses husband used to work @ the university & is some type of psychologist. He referred me to the center there with his name as a recommendation. They work on a sliding scale & I think they might work well with me. Feeling really good about figuring some things out. Even if they're just little ones.

Last week was extremely stressful, I had a bloody nose & almost threw up @ work because I had to open & close a shift as a lone manager. I didn't know how to close that well (only one time before with help). I kept getting bad surprises. My mate is having a strange health issue so we spent some time in the ER too getting him checked out. He's fine, but we still don't quite know what it is that's the problem.
Soooo, yeah, this week is soooo much easier. & I'm feeling much more optimistic about everything as a whole....& not so afraid. I told my bosses what had been going on & why I was so upset about being alone on a shift & they were very supportive. My coworkers did really great that day too & really stepped up to fill in for the people that missed that shift.

I know I complain about my job & the way the public treats me a lot but....it has it's moments. & I am so happy when I get to witness those. It gives you a little bit of something to hold onto.

Sorry for the ramble & thanks for listening as always. To  Luckyhusky I finally got a decent scan on your commisshy & have been coloring away!! Thank you for being so patient! Hope you all are having a great week out there~

 alphasempaiwolviesyxx could use some commissions, the sooner the better!!
Anyone who buys something from them $10 & above can come to me for a free lined traditional black & white headshot.
I will be checking with wolvie that you are indeed helping out!
I will draw any gender or species except humans/humanoids.
Please spread the word!
Thank you!

After having a long & in depth talk with my mother...
It turns out both she & my sister are having similar issues
Stress wise. See previous journals for full details.
They are both having stress issues, & occasional
Nightmares. My nightmares are terrible tbh &
While my stress issues have been much less frequent in the past
The frequency & intensity has been steadily inclining.
It is hard for me to justify these things bothering me so much
When other people I know have had much much worse happen to them
But I dont want to be broken, or a victim.
I want to get over this & the absolute last thing I want
Is to fall into the depression trap again.
I am going to seek counciling (spelling?)
I want to do this in such a way that I have methods for coping
Instead of ignoring it or covering it with medication.
I dont like medication, but I realize sometimes it really is necessary
& I am not trying to say anyone who IS taking it, doesnt need it.
You do you & I'll do me, yeah?
This needs to be dealt with, even though I am worried about the expense...
I am worried about the larger expense if I were ever to end up not being
able to work or something similar.
So, I think after discussion & especially after my family
Going through similar things, that this is going to be the
Best course of action for now.
That might change, it might not.
We'll see. Things are going to be....interesting from here on out.
Thank you guys for all the support so far & hope you
Are doing well out there wherever you are.

Question to the general public about nightmares.
How often?
How intense?
Night terrors?
I've had mine for years... almost every night (nightmares that is, not terrors I think)
I've always had trouble sleeping & understandably
do not like going to sleep.
They went away for a while....like two years
Now they're back.
Doesn't matter if I limit what I see/watch/read listen to.
I cut myself off from horror movies(which I actually enjoy)
for a long time & it did absolutely zero to lessen them.
I was thinking about starting a dream journal
to try & see if I can pick out any patterns
Or see if drawing awareness to them
Could maybe give me better control
aka lucid dreams.
It's not that I can't lucid dream,
It's just...I'm usually so bent on survival in the dreams
That I never have the presence of mind to change the setting.
I don't like taking sleep aids as I am tired the next day &
If I do get bad dreams then, I can't wake up.
Suggestions, comments, stories of your own?

http://www.furaffinity.net/full/18764798/
Just got posted!
If you are not watching  Wolnir you certainly should be!
Hope you're having a great day/night out there~

Well, I've been sort of lame & quiet for about a week now. I've been resting.
Had a day early last week, where I was so upset I couldn't get out of bed.
I sat & cried & shook for hours until the afternoon.
I had heart palpitations & was in an extremely anxious state.
I had trouble breathing, & my chest was tight for a few days.
Yes, I've been having times like these since the beginning of last year
No, they're not terribly regular.
Yes, I am now aware of what's causing (partially @least) my issues.
No it isn't simultaneous timing w/female hormones.
Yes, I am trying to fix it.
I still made myself go to work after because it's more stressful to find a replacement.
No I did not seek professional help, nor do I think I need to-
Unless I get worse (which I don't know but I doubt) I won't be seeking
any, aside from me trying really hard to treat myself better.
More respect, more breaks, more protecting myself & not tolerating as much bs.
I am feeling much better but I don't really want to talk about it.
Why post this journal then?
Telling people I lost my shit is hard, I am trying to make it easier
& not associate this with shame & weakness, negativity.
Talking about this in person is almost not an option as it makes me feel like I'm
going to bring it on again. It brings the uneasiness back & it's hard to get rid of.
I just want this to pass so I can get on with my life.
A little wiser, still learning & relearning other things.
Iam trying to be better.
I am sorry for the delay on all fronts, but in this case
There was nothing I could do.
I can never see it coming & then it hits me like a falling fucking piano
& the repercussions last for days & after fighting it off for so many days
before I don't have the strength to do anything but hide & recover.
I am sorry. I honestly thought this wouldn't happen again.
Now I don't know what to think
Except I'm glad it didn't last as long this time.
I am feeling better already & am continuing with art
& my schedule.
Thanks for listening ~

First, small update/Short version: my mate & I are trying to get out of our apartment & away from our housemate because he's a fire hazard & doesn't care about anything. If you want the long version hop over to my two journals previous & you can read aaaaall about it. What getting out will require is a mass amount of savings plus a loan. Instead of buying some art next year,I won't be buying any until we can leave & live elsewhere safely. I will also be closing commissions (except for maybe a few things here & there) to work on improvement in many many areas of my work that (IMO) sorely need it. Therefore, I won't be posting much. In an effort to keep my account interesting to everyone I would like to make a schedule/habit of posting other content.

What I want your opinion on as a watcher:

-Did you like when I was posting art of my characters I've gotten as commissions from other artists?

-Do you prefer posts dumps or a single post @ a time to better showcase the work?

-Since I won't be taking commissions, maybe I could do other things to reward you guys for sticking with me? For example opening up for same day/regular trades, freebies, or letting you guys pick things for my characters to do?

-what would you think about giving more critique on my work?

-would you enjoy picking things for me to work on? Example: this week I will focus on color or this week is shading week.

-any opinion on "draw this again" images? Letting you guys pick from my gallery what you'd like to see redone?

Thank you in advance for your honest opinion & interest~

Drop me a ref!
AND
Pick a theme-
Cookie
Santa hat
Reindeer antlers
Bells
Ornament
Wreath
Holly
Mistletoe
Presents
Snow
Christmas tree
Candles
Custom theme? Throw it in!
I dont know how much time I'll have today,
But I'd like to show a small appreciation
For you all! You're wonderful people all!
And for whatever you do/celebrate,
I hope your day is merry & bright~
CLOSED FOR NOW
Im off to a relative's but will be back later
The moment I finish up thee guys I will try to
Open for more! :3

Remember how I mentioned him setting things on the heater....yeah. Today my mate came home to a burning plastic smell. Our idiot housemate put a duffel bag with a plasticine bottom directly on the damn thing. It melted a hole through the bottom of the bag. -_- he spent some time picking the goop off the heater & sent him an angry text message (roomie was @ work). Pretty sure some dripped down on the inside of the heater because we can't have it on without the scent of burning plastic. I wish I had enough to move right this moment. I don't feel safe leaving my dog at home, even more so than before.

This is not going to be a nice entry, if you don't handle language & anger well don't read it & it will disappear later from my journals.~

I am having (& have been having for the past few days) allergies to something & my mood is less tolerant at best. I want to work on commissions today & am not pleased with the prospect of taking benadryl so I can stop fucking sneezing.

Our roommate/housemate/ damn near dead weight (except he pays rent mostly in full & on time) is making me want to live by myself. Some things he does just don't make any sense. We are technically saving a small bit of money by living with him & no place in Missoula will allow my giant fucking dog. Otherwise, I would have been gone SO long ago.
Examples of things he does that are shitty

-never cleans, his portion of anything in the apartment is fucking filthy & I continually have to move things away from our heaters (paper & garbage) so our place won't burn down with my dog in it. Never does the dishes, never cleans the bathroom, never cleans up his trash or takes out trash of any kind. Uses up all our laundry quarters (which I provide out of pocket from my tips).

-spends money on things he wants & comes up short on the rent. He wanted to be "nice" this Thanksgiving & took us out to dinner. The next day he said he accidentally spent all of his money on black Friday & would be late/short on rent. Why the fuck did you take us out then if you were gonna do that?!

-Food. How the hell do I even start. Never makes any food but will eat all of anything we make in one evening. Even if there's a full pot if soup this fucker eats ALL of it. Has bought food for himself when we shopped for the apartment in the past & never eats any of it. He will let something turn black & disgusting & never bother to throw it out. Huge waste of food constantly. Eats fast food & gas station food like they're life support. I wouldn't care if he didn't leave garbage & half empty soda cans/red bull everywhere.

-he works nights so it's okay for him to scream "FUCKING CUNT!!" @ the box all goddamn night, but heaven forbid I am "too loud" in the morning. I make coffee or do laundry or dishes(which he sure as fuck isn't going to do) or work on commissions DOWNSTAIRS -OUT OF RESPECT- for the fucking asshole sleeping upstairs & he'll stomp out of his rooms slam doors & refuse to talk to anyone. So yeah, that's great to making the place you live a relaxing environment.

If I could kick him to the curb & live with just my mate, I would. We don't have enough money yet, my dog is giant & college town rent is ridiculously high for the wages here. I want to live relaxed, not tiptoe around my own place while I clean up after someone else. That's a reasonable request, yeah?


On a positive side note, my mate had a pretty good bday yesterday I think. We even got to see some neat horses yesterday downtown (fjord/Percheron mixes) that were pulling a Christmas carriage & giving free rides. Anytime we spend time away from the house, I don't want to go home. We always have a good time together. In a messy house & having to change the way & volume @ which I live for a third party...a lot of that good feeling evaporates. I want a safe sanctuary for my mate & I. I know we'll get it eventually, but the waiting is killer. Sorry for the misspellings if there are some. Fast angry typing.

My mate  Montanawerewolf has a bday today! Please go give him a shout! :)

In no particular order what I am working on~

- 1 tradigital full color piece w/BG for  luckyhusky (payment received)

-  dmt12 free piece details haven't been decided/discussed.

-Opossum ref sheet trade for  moorcat sketches restarted.(on hold)

-chibi egg designs for  northwestspiritwolf 4/6 complete 5/6 lined 6/6 sketch approved. (Coloring)

-trade with  cadaverousdingo sketched (on hold)

-private project collaboration with  RedHyena not started discussing details & deadlines(on hold)

-owed illustration for coworker - gryphon- redo (on hold)

-collaboration pagan winter piece with  ~Ace~ (sketched/approved-Needs ink)

Will update with progress so I can keep better track! Thank you all for your patience as I am still trying to juggle a 40hr work week in the meantime. Your patience & continued support are important to me as they allow me to do what I love. I hope I can one day offer commissions full time. It's a dream~

Well, I've been thinking a lot about it & after this batch, I may just stay closed a while. I want to improve. It's really hard for me to get any art done during the week because I'm usually exhausted from work.not saying I don't work on art during the week, I'm just often too tired to make much progress. On my days off I try to get to everything that needs done, around the apartment, laundry, art, ect & I never have enough time. Why I am I bothering to tell you this? Here's what I want to work on & have been working on while balancing work & commissions.
-Actually bothering to look up & use references
-attempting backgrounds
-anatomy
-perspective
-complicated themes (multiple characters interacting ect)
-making good looking references for my & other characters
-studying for starting a web comic
-Color theory
-techniques & tools
I want to be a better artist, but I feel like I am really going to have to discipline myself to do it & for once in my life...I actually WANT to do that.
Why is this such a big deal?
Long story short:
My parents cheated me out of art school by using my college fund (granted it was important & it was to make sure we had somewhere to live) & they never told me. I got into the art school I wanted to get into, I was prepping to go & then they told me there was no money. I had never lived on my own, never had a job (outside family jobs) & would have had to take out @ least two student loans for the first semester alone. I was devastated. Crushed. My dreams went out in a whisper when I decided that I didn't want to start my adult life in my parent's footsteps (a massive amount of debt that would control my life). So...I drifted, I went to community college for free until the art department got a budget cut & all the while I worked. I didn't know what else to do. Now skipping ahead to today I have survived a very bad bout of depression, & am still working & support myself & my dog with the help of my mate. I appreciate where I have been because it was hard & it taught me important things but I am not completely content with where I am. I never thought skipping out on school would bother me this far down the road, but it does. I had someone @ work ask what I was I had set out to do with my life & when I told them...it was everything I could do not to go all to pieces. I am surviving & I count myself lucky for it, but I want to feel successful too & that requires me to improve under my own power. I want to do this so maybe I can have a chance @ doing art as my main job. I've done retail for close to ten years now...sure I am a manager & make just enough to live on ...but I don't want this to be it. I want to feel good about what I do & I want it to be art. For much to long now I have put that dream on hold because I was told it would never support me & I never let it or even tried, so it was true. I want that to change. I don't want to be worn out & uninspired all the time. This is what I want to do with my life, but it's going to be work. I am already behind. I want to be proud of myself, but it's going to take work & time. Thanks for listening guys, I really appreciate it & I hope I can show some improvement here soon!
Also if you read through this massive wall of text, I would like to know your opinion on what I could improve on. What in my gallery needs working on? What do like or not like about what you see in my gallery currently?

Just something I'm thinking about while working on some art.
Many of us have had some sort of character since childhood
Or perhaps since the elementary years.
What was yours? Did it change @ all?
Did it change species or color or personality?


For example I started out as a horse/unicorn, a stallion named Silver.
Then in my elementary years I was into cheetahs
(named Rita for obvious rhyming purposes)
I was into dogs for a while I had a collie & black lab character
(Based off my stuffed animals & beanie babies).
Then I went back to horses & had Silver as well as a
female mustang named feather as his mate.
Then I was into wolves & was just a plain White
Or black wolf.
When I came into the fandom I hybridized some
Of my old characters into one, Lux, & I still
Feel connected to her, but I am just as connected
To my wolf only(October) & horse/unicorn characters (lantern light & Aiden).
I feel well connected with a lot of my characters that feel like strange aspects of myself.
Even Eve, the bitter & sharp monster dog feel like me to some degree.

How about you?

In no particular order what I am working on~

-2 full color traditional pieces for  KageElementalist both completed!

-Finish ref sheet (COMPLETE)  dmt12 2nd piece details haven't been decided.

-Opossum ref sheet for  moorcat sketches restarted.(on hold)

-  Halloweenfurs 2nd place winner piece for  StupidShepherd sketch approved. inking currently.

-chibi egg designs for  northwestspiritwolf 4/6 complete 5/6 lined 6/6 sketch approved.

-trade with  cadaverousdingo sketched (on hold)

-private project collaboration with  RedHyena not started discussing details & deadlines(on hold)

-owed doodle for donation for  RightRaveFox

-owed illustration for coworker - gryphon- redo (on hold)

-collaboration pagan winter piece with  ~Ace~ sketched/approved. Needs ink.

Will update with progress so I can keep better track! Thank you all for your patience as I am still trying to juggle a 40hr work week in the meantime. Your patience & continued support are important to me as they allow me to do what I love. I hope I can one day offer commissions full time. It's a dream~

Somehow I missed that I had reached another big mark.
So, I just wanted to thank you all for sticking with me.
I feel extremely lucky to know you all, even if just in passing
Now & again.
Art cannot be my first job, but I am so pleased
That I can get to do it when I have time.
Thank you for making my day a little brighter
By stopping by & supporting, commenting or viewing my
Journals & art. It means a lot.
Thank you for inspiring me to continue to do art~

Orcagon foam
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/18129319/ foam comes with one piece of art
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/16100074/ $10(open) paid $10 & art was $10

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/18129358/ $5 (SOLD) no art

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/18129525/ $5(open) no extra art


http://www.furaffinity.net/view/18129574/ $3.50 (open) no extra art

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/18129612/ $4(open) no extra art

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/18133653/ $30 (open)
She comes With a few extra pieces of art
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/16352014/
She comes with another pinup piece too, but since I can't find the artist atm I will simply show whomever takes an interest in her

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/18129751/ $5(open) no extra art

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/18133835/ $25 (open) Custom no extra art sold @ cost

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/18133938/ $25 (open)
I paid $15 for him & $20 for the art he comes with
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/16857595/

Once I okay you can send funds as goods & services/no address to
https://www.paypal.me/underwateraviary



Wanna Haggle? I will accept mostly cash offers & some art if it can be completed in a timely fashion. Trades are not an option & art only offers I can't do. Feel free to talk to me though & I will discuss offers!