this is a little weird. but hey my little anime cousin sent it to me over discord so i looked into it.

holy moly it is real. House Bill 3084 of the State of Oklahoma. here is the .gov website. in my opinion, it's a waste of time for everyone. there are people without homes, children with food insecurity, and civic resources that need repair all over. what does the dog in you have that is so scary?

temp agency has me at a new job, making $3 less / hr than the last. really sucks.

trying to keep my head on straight has been rough. i've hit some really hard downswings and have tried to keep going.

i have some art homework though that will hopefully help me stay creative and creating. i've been trying to play videogames again and stay on top of the things i like. it feels like i just pretend to like things because i'm supposed to. it is hard to remind myself to be thankful but i can do it.

so far, this year needs to be the year i build a real savings and a real game-plan beyond reacting to job situations. i need to remember the things i like doing, the things i am interested in, and follow them. i need to go back to school and seek out a profession i can really put myself behind and use my skills.

i'm slowly making my way back up.

due to no issues of my own, no desire from my boss, and no warning, I was let go from my job today.

this is the third job this year. ive tried. i stuck this one out despite hardships and it wasn't even that hard. i was doing fine. things were going well.

and apparently a former employee, the one we were supposed to be replacing as temps, came back and either asked or simply received his job back. and i was told by the temp agency today after work that i was now no longer going to work there.

i was ready to go for a couple years, just loading boxes and listening to podcasts and music, slowly getting more experience and putting in the physical work.

i was on the road to being paid $21/hr. the boss wanted to hire me, he said this multiple times. he said i put in the work, that he wish he had 5 of me.

i'm trying not to get depressed but it is really really hard. this keeps happening. the ability to support myself keeps falling out of my hands. i'm struggling.

hello!

i got a new job through a temp agency. loading DEF into jugs, into boxes, and onto pallets.

it would be fine, with a physical strength curve that i am currently climbing, it WOULD be fine.

but the new temp is a very obnoxious talkative too-chummy Tr*mpist guy, comments on how easy the job is, and partially gets in the way of everything. i don't know how long he will last but i hope it is not long. it was going so well just being mostly silent, one headphone in ear listening to podcast and music. now... it's a drag.

but it is paying rent and bills so far, and they want to hire me on for more money soon as well. UGH.

-

i have finished my commission queue! man, i am going to adjust my prices for the effort and be clear in timelines, because it takes so long to get certain pieces done and so quick to do others. look out for a commission sheet soon.

i have also been doodling, and trying to work up to my previous rate and intensity of making art. i will post my doodles here asap.

coloring is difficult. i'm a pencil and ink kind of guy, but color really gets the looks. i need to work on that more.

taking care of the Dome and daily routine has gotten easier over the months but it is still a challenge. dealing with various personal struggles, the big house with big chores, and learning how to live in a new place has been exhausting.

trying to update more!

-

WOW this was my 300th journal. i've been here for a long time. \o/

we have so so much fruit.

pears, apples, plums, mulberries, asian pears, more apples, blueberries.... so much. mostly apples and pears.

i collected over 20lbs of pears yesterday, and then a few pounds of apples. we are going to preserve a lot of them, and make a lot of apple pies, and syrups, and tarts, and ciders. so much cider. we have the equipment. well, the fruit press and fruit crushers are on the way.

i'm so excited. we will probably set up a stand somewhere informally and maybe even set up a farmers market stand in our town !!! gotta have some cute advertising to go with it as well. <3 fresh goods, preserves, baked goods, chicken eggs, eventually wool, yarn, and meats. i have the idea of making goat hair brushes for both body use as well as art utensils. it is going to be a time...! not to mention any vegetables or herbs that we may have in the future as well.

queer farm life is going well so far.

future plans: bigger chicken operation, goats, sheep, maybe a llama for herd protection.

if anyone wants a heads-up on our produce and products, let me know. comment, dm, hit me up on socials, i want to get the word out early and start garnering interest. :D

HEY! This is an amazing fursuit that Beastcub is selling for a really really affordable price considering all the work being put into it!

https://www.thedealersden.com/listi.....fursuit/243367

It has NO BIDS currently and is going for about $6,850 currently! If you have ever wanted a Beastcub suit, and or love sabertooth cats, or love Lisa Frank aesthetics, go check it out!

Seriously, I can't believe the pricing on such an incredible work of art. Lisa Frank is not my personal aesthetic but I do enjoy it and I know that some people would go nuts for this!

Beastcub is currently selling some of their suits to help address their home repair needs. Please consider sharing it around and spreading the word!

And I hope to never go back again. That was the lowest I've been since my grandma passed away. Absolutely ridiculous. A clown house. But at least clowns do their job.

Here, instead of wrecking my life, I'm using my cultivated skills and experience and putting them out there.

A sketch piece dedicated to my lovely lovely wife <3: --- https://www.furaffinity.net/view/53297118 ---

Love you honey!

hey hey

now that i have this part time job, i need to RAMP UP my artwork. that means really pushing it into my life.

so: how does 6PM PST on tuesdays work for people if i were to stream art and games? i'm thinking 6-8 or 6-9 depending on how things go.

let me know what times you usually sit down to watch streams. i'm also considering doing it on the weekend so more people will be able to see.

i get off work 4pm every day now, and i want to go directly to the studio space and keep the working momentum until like 7 or 8.

reply and let me know!

part time

doctor's office

office assistant

mon and wed: 9am - 4pm
tues: 8am - 4pm
thurs: if busy 9am - however busy it is, if not busy, no need to come in
fri-sun: OFF

this means i now have a reliable schedule, reliable paycheck, and reliable time off.
this means i now have friday open for streaming and artwork.
this means

so much relief.

-

it won't feel real until the first full week is done.
it won't sink in all the way until the first full month.
i've barely signed any papers but after this week i will be on payroll.

i will tell you ALL about the main caveat i have encountered. later.

it has been since January, about 4 months now, since i was laid off. my journal about it was months after the fact.

it's been really dark emotionally. a huge struggle.

thank you everyone who has supported me. my room mates. my parents. my siblings. my friends. thank you.

time to don the scrubs and become a paperwork master..!

i haven't livestreamed art for about 3 years. please be gentle with me! i've got most of my stuff set up and ready to go. it's only taken a couple trial runs, new equipment, new computer... and the need to do more art. i have a comic to finish. i have characters to flesh out. i have random fantasies to indulge!!!

-

look forward to some art as i make my assets from the ground up! there will also be opportunity for requests and hourly-rate deals on my art, as i have a lot to catch up on..! i've been avoiding all of the troubles that seem to come with making art for a living, and now life is full of troubles anyway. gotta grab the bull by the horns.

i'm trying to stay on top of things. following the steps i need to stay afloat, trying my best to not succumb to negative thinking.

maybe i'll start uploading things again. everything's scattered across 1 New PC, 1 Old Mac, 1 old iPad and sketchbooks. :/ need to start organizing that shit in my life.

i bought a new desk ! that is saving everything about my workspace right now. it's so long, it's so deep, it can be so tall... damn. could be made out of better material but hey i'll take it. there's so much more room for my bullshit.

checking the chickens. checking the greenhouse. checking the fire. playing with the pets. it's all very therapeutic. it seems almost angelic if not for the mess and usual human folly. i feel very grateful. checking my feelings, checking the kitchen...

i'm still looking for a job but i think i'm set on going back to school. i want an MA in Communications and i need to get the uhhhhhh fUnding portion of my educational track figured out. it's looming over me slowly but surely.

right now.. i'm experiencing a king of semi bliss. i wish i were effective. i wish i had the money and could throw it around. pleasure the world around me with the resources i would have. i dunno.

making digital art is hard. i wonder if i'm too pedantic. i feel no interest in character art when i try to create it. somehow the stories in my head are stronger that just drawing. i wonder. if i should instead spend these splendid hours with the face to the desk, drawing continuously, seeking muse after muse until i look at myself and i am transformed.

how are you all doing?

mountain king in my head for the last three or so days now.

i get a lot of intrusive and invasive thoughts (intrusive i would describe more as like my normal thoughts but way too pushy in the wrong direction, and invasive is a non consensual flash of words, visions, sounds, feelings, emotions or other full bodied experience.)

i have been not in control of how i think of reality before, and it takes active effort and time to come out of this state of being. i would akin it to waking up from a very convincing dream where you feel more than you remember. rather than a dream, it is simply each experience to the next that may take me this way. i don't know, this is why i am taking more time in longer increments to come to decisions, letting days in between things happen before even asking how i feel about it. hurrying up to feel has always been awful. ive never been good at it.

and right now im ramped up and anxious for personal reasons. and ive had weird mornings where sometimes i wake up fine and sometimes i wake up with the fourth or fifth verse of hall of the mountain king just blaring like an alarm. completely in my head.

need more art need less thinking about other people. im stressing myself out too much.

the company doesn't know how to manage anything. i went as close to the top as i could and found a tangled mess of stoner nonsense. company is imploding, so many people were laid off. January 7th was my layoff.

now im looking for work and considering going back to school.

i'm not drawing that much right now, i need to though. i do have plans. and i do need to do things for myself.

we recently had a Purim celebration this past weekend that slingshotted my mood back up. lots of fun people and in a new place we are developting more areas for fun experiences. the homeowners and i built a firepit from cinderblocks and toppers. it works great and will be super nice when the weather gets better.

i have scenarios for art that i want to do. i think i need to get my tablet situation better under control. bleh.

in the mean time, i've been playing Backpack Hero, which is a very cute fun furry game where you have to manage your backpack's inventory space to attack the crowds of enemies. turn-based rogue-like with cute pixel art. GO PLAY IT. it crashes sometimes because it just came out of beta, so be patient.

yeah uh getting laid off sucked. i loved the routine of the workday. and seeing people all the time. i miss having something to do that i know will guarantee me a money. but now i'm home all day which is nice.

the dome is wonderful to be in.

Chaos.

There's like 7 people in the fill team. I feel for them so bad and they're working so hard.

I got recruited to work in Returns, filling in for a woman about to give birth.
And I can work spreadsheets. I'm now technically in Accounting.
I see what goes in and out of the company now.
Ah, weed. The business does its best.

My birthday was pretty good, super chill, and I saw old friends.
It's fall.

A couple of friends are in the hospital this week.

I sit on a computer and do data entry, listening to music.
I can doodle at my desk. And eat. And sit down.

Lots of complicated feelings.

there are about 9 of us left now and we are all like. still coasting and decompressing from not getting fired.

moods are all around low but swinging in interesting directions. some of us are comiserating, some of us are talking shit about the problem coworker. M knew him really well as a friend before and had the most complicated and frustrated take on this. he used to be a different person, she says. i believe it. nobody misses him. i dont even think his work fling thing misses him but i'm not sure. i do NOt want to get any more involved in any of these people that are connected like that. yeesh. not for me. i think they are borderline-furry or full furry, if not one then both. i hope there's a lifestyle or journey out there that will be adventurous, challenging, and good for both of them. whatever they decide to do.

all of us have the goofs, but also the tireds. talking has like... reached a wall i think. people's brains need stimuli but we are so tired and wiped to provide it anymore. also people are fucking off a little and i think that's a bit of the not-getting-fired tension coming out as well. yesterday stupid shit happened when a coworker waved around a heat gun too close to someone... that gave me an anxiety spurt. then today L broke one of the machines kind of by accident but also why are you punching the machine to get it to work... (when it squirts oil that oil is worth about 30usd/gram and it comes out 80 deg. C.,,, it's not like a car. that's MONEY.). at least my supervisor recognizes my work and my boss is approving of what i can do. (u _u)

it's not just the worst. it's fun when it's fun, i can chat with them and it feels like i'm chatting with family a bit. the things we talk about rival many many friends and groups i've been a part of outside of work. it's been really relieving to have these people as my coworkers. like. holy shit now the room dynamic doesn't have any dead weight or slowing resistance or even just talking too much about negative home life bringing the mood down. it's a much more open place. even if it does feel freaky. like, is this supposed to happen? oh yeah.

last week i had to take a day off because i was ramping up from anxiety so hard and so bad. i had some family things to deal with. my supervisor suggested i take a mental health day and boy howdy did i. my mom visited, we talked, it was all good, things were cleared up, and i had a day to calm down. it threw off my rhythm but it was nice to sleep in.

so like. it's fun to go to work sometimes. other times it sucks. i wish we had better chairs. we're all still decompressing.

--

it's summer. i'm planting 12 peppers if i can. i tried zuchinis but they broke before they could make it to the ground. the one that grew in the ground looks.... like he's holding on. :c my beans are doing well though! i also have some carrots. i want to try better sometime next year, now that i am experiencing a lot of the uhhhh first results. could have tilled better and this and that. did my best most of the peppers are in pots in a greehouse so they will be safe from the cold more or less.

i want to bicycle. i replaced my old ancient broken grill with a new one of the exact same model. i have grilled twice on it and plan to do a third run tonight (5 _5) i am determined to make good burgers !! so far i have had some good success with zucchinis, asparagus, and bURGER.

this summer i have such a clean and paired down house that i have come accross many things i have bargained with myself and gotten rid of. old house items are sentimental and the old grill was one of them. this summer i want to see more people i have been either missing dearly, avoiding, unable, or tried and haven't heard back from. or combinations of any of the above.

i am going on a couple trips and will try to take photos. maybe do landscape art. god i always hope i do art and i don't know why it doesn't come anymore. i need to keep trying different ways to bring it out. photos keep me looking at composition, but i mostly do it only from my phone. a dslr would slap. i have a manual film minolta but i'm not doing that any time soon. i'll get better at documenting my stuff with pictures.

this isn't about the problem coworker anymore.

we have had mass layoffs this entire week starting last friday as well. the entire company has cut over 85 employees (those are the ones i have heard or been able to keep track of) from its roster. all have been let go with severance packages, letters of recommendations, and tears. people who have worked there 5, 8 years now have been let go. one half of some couples have been let go.

we are cutting our flower grow and switching to a concentrates and edibles factory for the next 6 months. the economy is suffering and bud sales are tanking. nearly all of our flower processing department is also gone now. including my friend J.

all departments have been effected. our losses are the problem coworker, and the wonderful but slowest timed coworker K. she went home crying, but walking tall. everyone was scared if there would be anyone else but the higher ups explained that who was left was left. we weren't going to walk in on monday without a job, we would be here.

everybody left 20 minutes early because we just couldn't work after that anymore. manager was shaking and ready to be at home.

i'm lucky. i got hired into the fill team. my friend R. J. recommended me, and i interviewed for a fast vacant position. one and a half or so years ago. i met some people who were total layabouts. i met some people who were good. people who i don't see anymore but are still in the building. people have been transfered. sometimes i wonder what would happen if they hadn't. i cant think about it too much.

this is our livelihood. i barely make enough to hold down an apartment and it takes up all my time and i don't do the things i want to do anymore. to draw, to make music. i barely have the energy to push myself when i realize i've spent the last week eating watching youtube sleeping and going to fucking work. i'm lucky i get to do it.

god this shit has me *head in hands* and fucked up at how fragile this all is right now. i just want to draw. to make comics. to animate. to make music and feel with people. to not have to worry if things are going to explode or not.

it really really really really really makes me want to lay down for as long as i possibly can.

i'm really really really really lucky.

and not too terrible. except i had to work with the problem child of the department for the last half of the day exclusively. my partner and i that were manning the assisting spots on the station had to bear with whatever he was going to do mostly. the first person we worked with is a chill dude who can run the machine well and has been improving and getting better. all of the sudden we are switched and have the problem person behind the wheel.

so slow. so messy. so much sitting around not doing anything. lord have mercy.

i hope other people noticed because i am definitely mentioning the difference. we got through so many orders before switching... we did barely 1 and a half with p.person. it was startling. its been hard to even like... try to understand and have compassion when someone continuously doesn't get it.

alright i'm home now for the day though and I saw this cute picture. check it out: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/47642218/ it's delicious food art and i'm always a fan of that.

no i have a feeling we are all still upsetti in our department at the bad apple individual. just because you're all merry and drinking at a party and come up and be nice a bit doesnt mean all is forgiven.

and also: due process needs to happen becauuse we got an answer about the situation. and of course. it was a delay. aparently it takes 2 weeks to figure out how to fire someone. or even transfer them! who knew.

i take no promises! at this point i am still waiting. we have one week.

i just really hope nobody fucks up anything too badly in the meantime. especially the OTHER DEPARTMENTS.

i have absolutely no clue i need to get back into the game.

for reading but also uploading!! if anyone has personal favorite sites or can compare and contrast them from their use, please let me know. i would like to uhh upload more regularly and i need a vision for the pipeline.

there is: webtoon, comicfury, tumblr, wordpress, and i really don't know of too many. there are some specific ones for certain groups i think but as i said it's been a loooong time.

i want to do content that has: adventure, environments, queers, lesbians, older queers, fantasy, scifi, and death. maybe aliens.

i edit my friend's comic about the hypernatural and ultraterestrial adventures - https://flapcomic.wixsite.com/comic/001 . they're really good at pulling this stuff together but also like... i want to know where they're going really badly!!! we've got a lot in store.

so: let me know please !!!!

people are upset at the offending cheating couple and it is getting obvious and people are upset that its being rubbed in peoples faces while we all work. and it is affecting our output.

and now that the slow season has started we all got so bored that things got too real and everyone became so agitated and heated.

today we had some tasks and were split up but at this point it was a relief to be out of the main room. and with level headed coworkers.

jesus

tomorrow is going to be a doozy.

like... my work is like normal 3 out of 5 days a week and we can function when we all focus but Nobody is able to do that well right now. Nobody.

i just wish the company would follow its own policy and not have people who are dating each other work with each other. because this popped up, ruined multiple friendships, and has impacted the quality of our products. made the workplace a tense and/or hostile place to be, made me distracted and tired... all because edgelord neglectful lovebirds dont give a fuck about anything except getting off.

it feels like high school and boy do i not want to go back

each day gets easier. i have a handle on my own ability to work and rest, taking the time to keep to myself and to socialize when i can. there are like 5 different main plots floating around the workplace right now. at least in my department and directly next door. fucking plooooots. if you've been through highschool, you know what the fuck this would be. drags us down. well, less and less of us. crew smash.

made friends, so it's easier. my left hand is healing so it's easier.

now: after work is when i go to the gym. need to get the energy out in the evening and prevent myself from falling into huge nap binges. (although this weekend was perfect for that... hehehhe) my physical health comes first.

i have been doodling. i have been brainstorming. after a few years of sinking into apathy and spending everything i have on everything else, i'm going back to my stories.

engaging the brain.

the goo is 80% thc nearly every day, baby

my coworkers have been chronically slacking off. in between microtasks they lean back and shoot rubber bands and throw the small components made of plastic and silicone at each other across the room.

today the hit someone in the line of fire. that has already been having a bad week. that already is upset that they have all been slacking off. he was like. literally about to start shouting, or just get up and walk off. i don't blame him, his station has been operated by someone who constantly walks away from the machine while it is running, and talks more than they work. it's frustrating just to watch! and now this.

i was like... im not going to sit here while this happens, i'm heading to the toilet. i don't want to be a part of this shit. of course i saw the manager out in the hall and mentioned that people were doing their stupid shit again. i know it's friday but really. when i came back people had stopped flinging bands and i have no idea what went down. i hope it's a wakeup call.

a job isn't the place to sit and hide from your shitty life and make my own life also shitty! we have been behind on our orders for WEEKS and many people have been totally careless about their actions and how it impacts the workload and our output. people think they know how much work they have to do but they have no clue. we are operating at half our production output, which is ridiculous since we are tEcHnIcAlLy OvErStAfFeD.

time for a learning curve. i've been stewing with this for months now. low effort, lazy work. dirty product that i have to wash before packaging. no no. no more. time to step up your game, everyone.

everyone here was hired after me. nobody here has experienced a full workload in this department. time to buck up.

LOOK AT WHAT BEASTCUB MADE!!!!!

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/45327212/

it's incredible! super creative and very elegant! some elements from float design and some from costume design come together to make a hippocampus creature!

how many wheelchair fursuits have YOU seen?

TEN YEARS

TEN YEAHERALDSJLHTFS

i thought nobody could top furries with how much someone can Overshare in a public innapropriate setting and boy howdy

do these fuckers seriously not know when to stop.

turns out when you're stuck at a factory all day sitting at a station that somehow that is licence for someone to run rabbid and dump all their trauma over everyone.

i know far too much about this fucking shit and i dont even care about their life like that its like the worst version of dirty laundry possible. gross, innapropriate, traumatizing, boring, self-induced suffering i've ever had to listen about. and there's no real way to shut it down except to become a Rude. but like. i'm not sure that would even stop this person.

so

somehow

the internet and FA is more palatable because at least i can turn the screen off lol.