I've been having more issues and issues as of recent. I plan on getting my life back on track soon.
Really, it's been way too long since I've had a reason to call myself a living being on this planet we call Earth. >:l\

Oh, and my birthday is this Friday, June 8th. I will be 22 years old.

But of course, sadly, I have no money at all. :l And it's in Orlando, I'm about 3 hours away from that.. south in West Palm.
I kinda wanna get a ride with someone or something, but I'm a shy person and I dunno how that would work out.

I've never been to a convention, ever lol. I just wanna ask, what's a furry convention like? >.>

..I'm sitting my ass down and working on these damn commissions. I'm devoting at least half my day, each day, to getting them done. There's really absolutely no excuse for my remaining commissions to not be finished already.. :(

So.. as you can see, I haven't done anything on here within the past 4 months. Well, I haven't been
drawing really AT ALL, so no one is missing any art of mine. :( A lot of crap has been going on since
last year after summer of 2011. Mind you, nothing productive in my case. I've switched psychiatrists
just the other week, and I'm working on weaning off of Adderall (which I should have never been
prescribed in the first place). I think it's better for everyone, especially me and my physical/mental
health. I've been driving everyone insane that I personally know. Another bad thing I had gotten
into is smoking 'herbal incense'. I don't know how many of you know what that is, but it's basically
legal marijuana. It's sold in some smoke shops and gas stations (locally at least). But the 'bad' thing
about it, is it's really harmful and has caused seizures in some people. I mean, it's just chemicals
sprayed onto plant matter, and then you smoke it to get high. The reason why it's legal, is because
they sell it in little bags with labels like, "Not for human consumption" or "DO NOT SMOKE". The
bags contain like 1-3 grams and it usually has a weird name and a drawing or graphic image/design
on the package. Well, if you haven't heard of this stuff and have NEVER tried it, don't. It's addictive
and the withdrawal symptoms consist of extreme anxiety and depression. I'm talking about like if
you smoke it for a few days at a time and stop, the next day you don't smoke.. you feel on edge.
I'm pretty sure it's why I've felt like complete shit everyday for the past month.

BUT... good news is, I've stopped smoking that crap. I'm tired of reading the horror stories
about it. I'm tired of relying on it to feel 'content'. I'm tired of my parents smelling it on me
every time I came home and then hearing them bitch at me for an hour, about 'what happened
to me' and, "You used to hate that kind of stuff! You never wanted to touch it." My parents HATE
that I smoke it (or that I used to smoke it rather). It's also nasty tasting a lot of the time and
you develop a tolerance to it very quickly. I used to feel a lot better without it, so yeah.

I'll update some more on another journal in a bit, about my art status and everything.. just
wanted to tell everyone about WHAT is effecting my life currently. Oh, and I'll also write about
my boyfriend's apartment and our awesome new roommate.


EDIT: Oh.. not sure what happened to the text format of this journal, sorry if it's annoying to read. :(

Putting FurAffinity back into my daily schedule. Any advice? I used to spend a good amount of time drawing everyday..
about a year ago. I don't understand what happened.

But I can't seem to find the motivation to just DRAW and DO MY COMMISSIONS! :(

My friend  Shadecerule is offering some cheap commissions! It's his first time doing them, so you should go cheer him on and stuff!


More importantly... go commission him! :D ---> http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2330305/

Hello all,

Here is a Work In Progress picture of the Slumber Party Commission. It will be done by Friday this week, if not sooner.
The image is big just to warn you. It's actually still bigger than this.

--> http://www.shadoweclipse.net/pictur.....tycolorWIP.png

For the past couple weeks I've been sleeping a lot. Not because I'm depressed (though I am sometimes), but because I just feel generally tired and unmotivated most of the time. And it sucks because I'm usually wide awake during the night, even if I don't sleep all day. I don't want to be up during the night, I want to feel awake during the DAY. I mean, I like night better.. but other people (my parents especially) absolutely HATE it when I stay up all night. I don't get it, it's not like I'm loud. I'm really quiet. During the night is when I feel the most creative. :/ And it feels like day hours just draaaaiiiinnnnn the life out of me. Whyyyy? Most of the time I want to be up during the day, so I can enjoy everyone being up.


Anyway, my boyfriend DJ and I, are back together. Everything seems to be going smooth so far. He told me it was hurting him more by not seeing me, than him being hurt by me. If that makes any sense on how I worded it. x.x I'm a bit sleep deprived at the moment.


I also still have my great friend  disinvent to hang out with. He's pretty damn amazing... >_> <3


I really need to make some money so I can start saving up for a car, dammit. I know you all probably don't believe me, but I have been working on the slumber party commission.. slowly but surely. You can expect it to be done next month. Right now I'm in the process of shading each character. There's a LOT of layers. >.< I just hope the size of the file doesn't overload SAI's memory and become corrupt. ;-; That's why I save it like every ten minutes. Once I'm finished with the slumber party commission, then I am going to work on getting the other smaller commissions done. Then.. I'm going to open up some slots! Hopefully someone out there will be willing to give me a second chance at getting their commissions done in a timely fashion. :( I feel if I'm not overwhelmed by a SHITLOAD of commissions, then I work a faster and happier. And I will be completely done with everything before I accept more commissions.. I'm thinking 5 slots a week, and all pictures will be done by the end of that week. :) I'll make sure I don't take too many, or push them aside and do it 'later'.

Did I mention I love you all? Well I do.

Have a nice day/night.

My boyfriend of almost 4 years has finally decided to break up with me officially. I am heartbroken, but the feeling isn't as bad as when he first told me he thought he didn't love me anymore.

On a good note, I've recently started hanging out with a newish friend. He's awesome, funny, cute, and kind. Hmmm...

...my boyfriend of almost four years says he doesn't think he even loves me anymore.

I didn't fall off the face of Earth and I'm NOT dead.

I'm alive, and I will update on things going on in my life right now:

1. For the past 3 months, I've been taking more than my prescribed Adderall daily -they are amphetamines.
2. I've lost 50 lbs since I started Adderall 7 months ago. I used to weigh 185, now I weigh 135. (don't get me wrong, I love how I look now.. haha)
3. I'm currently trying to get my amphetamine addiction back under control; I don't want to be a speed addict.
3. My best friend, Ricky, is still in Buffalo.. but I'm finally getting used to him not being here.
4. My boyfriend and I almost broke up a couple weeks ago, but we worked it out.
5. My boyfriend and I are planning on moving to Orlando to attend University of Central Florida, by the end of December this year.
6. As of now, my main goal is to save up all of the money I earn this year towards a reliable car.
7. I'm trying to get back on a normal sleep schedule; it's really messed up. This year so far I've pulled about 30+ all-nighters, and I've been getting about 5-6 hours of sleep when I do go to bed; it's making me feel like shit.
8. I've been slowly BUT surely working on the slumber party commission. The reason why I'm taking so damn long now, is because my OCD takes over and makes me want to perfect everything in the picture every time I start working on it.
9. I've barely even drawn a sketch within the last 3 months, and it truly sucks.
10. I should have my Associate in Arts degree by the end of this year.

The major thing here is, there is absolutely NO reason for my lateness on commissions and I should have been done with every single one.. MONTHS ago. I severely apologize about my lack of progress and I realize that it will probably effect my future commissioners buying from me. :(

Just know, I'm trying to get my life back on track, be happy and feel normal again.

I LOVE YOU ALL!

About a week ago it was officially decided that my best friend, Ricky, is moving to Buffalo, New York. We've been best friends for 5 years now.. and we hang out A LOT; him spending the night like 2-3 nights every week. We rarely get tired of each other and we think so much alike, not to mention he makes me laugh my ass off all the time.

Coincidentally, Ricky and I were griefing and making fun of people on Second Life; that was our obsession at the time, lol. We happened to run into a guy about our same age who was there for the same reason, well Ricky and him hit it off from the beginning. They started talking on the phone a couple weeks later, then webcam, then Ricky eventually went to go visit him in Buffalo for the first time. He's now been there several times within the past year.. and they finally decided to officially date. Now Ricky made his final decision to move there, because his boyfriend is finishing up college and has a job at Blockbuster there already. And Ricky wants to be with him and also just wants to leave Florida.. I just wish there was a way where we all could live together in the same area. We're so close and I just have such a feeling that we're going to fade apart from each other and never talk since we're so use to hanging out together in person all the time. ._. And I know this because my first best friend for 11 years moved only an hour and a half away from me in like 2005 and we haven't seen each other in probably five months now. Ricky is moving about 1,300 miles away from me.

I have my boyfriend, yes.. but he doesn't really understand what it's like to have such a close best friend.. he thinks it's easy to go out and make friends.

..Not for me.

Man, I ran out of my prescription pills a couple days ago. That shit sucks.

All I did for like 48+ hours was sleep off and on.. mostly sleep. My mind was cloudy as hell and I couldn't bring myself to get up half the time; only to go to the bathroom mostly. Oh and eat, I was ALWAYS hungry. D: I only stayed up during the day for maybe 4 hours.. if that. I could barely get up enough courage to text on my phone, even call. I'm never running out of my prescription pills EVER again.

Well now I got my refill today, and I'm feeling great again. I can function properly! <3

One of our bunnies, Fiver, died in the middle of the night (January 10, 2011).. My dad could hear him squealing and there was really nothing we could do to save him at that point. He had 'bladder sludge' problems and we've taken him to the vet countless times, we paid a bunch of money for them to tell us he was okay. We had his bladder drained several times and had to inject him with an I.V. twice for a period of a couple weeks, along with administering numerous antibiotics and medicine. The problem just came back and got worse.. Now Hazel, his little girlfriend is all alone in the pen. She's had problems in the past too, with her eye particularly, but she is in the end a strong survivor. We got Fiver and Hazel paired together.. and it's just sad to see Hazel by herself now after having a companion by her side for years. :( Oh and this was the first time I've ever seen my dad cry.. he loves those rabbits to death.



"All the world will be your enemy, Prince With a Thousand Enemies. And when they catch you, they will kill you. But first, they must catch you - digger, listener, runner, Prince with the swift warning. Be cunning and full of tricks, and your people will never be destroyed." - Watership Down (where we got the name Fiver)



We love you, Fiver. We know you were in a lot of pain towards the end, and you deserved to live longer than three years.. you'll always be in our hearts. <3

So I'm pretty much over both my UTI and constipation problems now.. thank god.

I've been staying at my friend's house for the past week and a half.. it's been fun to not get bitched at for staying up all night. >.> The only thing is there's two cats that can be really annoying sometimes (but sweet) and four guinea pigs that yell at me every time I enter the bedroom. Three of the guinea pigs are in one room in a pen, they all scream at me and make creepy vibrating noises. I think it's cause they're horny but they don't know what to do cause they're all girls, lol. The one by itself also yells at me when entering the room and just eats nonstop, making these loud chewing noises when I'm trying to sleep.

I start my next to last college semester this wednesday.. blah. But this time I only have 2 classes, as of right now at least. So I should have time for commissions.. plenty. Absolutely no excuses.


Anyway.. my new years resolution is to..

GUESS WHAT?!

Finish the damn sleepover commission! :(

Okay so for the past like month.. I've been constipated. Especially for the last two weeks. I've been to the doctor twice now and the first time I pooped there a little and thought I was okay. But I wasn't.. I just went again yesterday and doctor said I was full of poop. :( He just told me to get a fleet enema and it should work. Well I took two enemas yesterdays and NOTHING happened... whilst all this is going on I've contracted another fucking urinary tract infection and I got antibiotics yesterday, but it still burns for now..

I don't know what to do, I don't want to end up having surgery.. and you can die from constipation if you don't treat it in time. ;-; All it makes me want to do is lay down. And I constantly feel bloated and sick to my stomach. When I get up I feel really dizzy and my whole body feels heavy. Plus I have a very dull ache in my lower back all the time.

Why didn't the doctor offer to do something more? This sucks, I'm just trying to fucking enjoy my holidays..

I've never had this kind of problem before and now it's just all of a sudden. :|

Any advice besides taking stool softeners and laxatives (pills)? I've done all that already and none of it helped of course. Oh and enemas seem to not work either, and I've done both of them right.

*cries*

Does anyone know where I can find a filled in or left blank sample/example (doesn't matter which!) United Kingdom Police Investigation Vehicle Collision/Accident Report?

You know, the forms that police first write down when someone gets into a car accident. NOT something personal you fill out yourself. The police often take pictures of the scene right then and there, write whatever the conditions are, injuries that may have occured to the person(s), etc.

I've found several United States examples and templates from different states, but I am having a hell of a hard time finding one from the UK.. preferrably one specifically in Stoke-on-Trent, Staffordshire. I would just use a US one, but I know there are different terms and words used in UK and it wouldn't be accurate.

It's driving me insane now and I'm finally giving up, and asking on here. >_<

It doesn't need to be real information, if it is and it is YOUR police accident report.. lol, then you can black out the personal information. The questions have to be readable and I don't care if it's from another place in the UK. I just need the format/template and QUESTIONS asked so I can fill it out with fake information. And no, I'm not from the UK and trying to fake an accident, lol. If you even can.. I dunno about this stuff.

Or maybe you have any suggestions on where to search on the internet? x.x

Thanks! :D

Hey ya'll..

I severely apologize for the long ass wait on the sleep over group commission. :/

I'm not in the best of moods right now to be writing this journal right now but.. I should say something. I will eventually finish it, I promise by the end of this year!

It'll be like a little christmas surprise.. heh.. heh...

I'm working on coloring it!

I'm so happy; and all I can say is.. because my three little cousins are GONE from my house from tormenting me nonstop since Wednesday night.

I CAN BREATHE!

I love this guy and his voice, man. >.>

http://www.youtube.com/user/gorillaz?blend=1&ob=4

I can't stop listening to it.

I just wish that Damon Albarn would sing more and 2D would be in more videos, preferably two-dimensional animation rather than 3D.

I love the Gorillaz!

I got a question.. the only programs I know of are Flash and Adobe ImageReady. Does anyone know any other ones I can use? Perhaps the easiest one? lol..

What's your favorite program to use?

I want to make 2D animation only right now, not 3D. I know nothing about 3D art, let alone animating it. >_<

My hamster, Hammleton (Hammle) died this morning.. ;-; but he lived for a little over two years.

This is a picture of him when I first got him: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/1577675/

I think he died from old age but he also had recently developed a tumor like a month ago, so I dunno.. I think he lived a good life overall.

Even though I didn't interact with Hammle as much as I should have.. I couldn't help but cry when I discovered his lifeless body in his cage. It just looked like a little ball of fluff, but then on one side you could see his little gray ears poking out; it occured to me that it was a small animal.. that was just breathing the night before.

We will miss you Hammle!

Stole dis from  lintu

Appearance:
[] = You have blue/green eyes.
[] = You blush a lot.
[] = You giggle.
[x] = You're quiet.
[x] = You say random silly things.
[] = You have a baby face.
[x] = You wear a more down to earth style of clothing.
[x] = You don't wear halter tops or anything to showy.
[x] = You're under 5 feet 6 inches tall.
TOTAL SO FAR: 5

Innocence:
[] = You're a virgin.
[] = Just thinking of sexual things makes you blush.
[] = Your idea of a date is really romantic.
[x] = You sleep with a stuffed animal.
[x] = You like to cuddle.
[x] = You've never played the Nervous game.
[x] = You don't even know what the nervous game is.

TOTAL SO FAR: 9

Colors:
[] = You like the color pink/light blue.
[] = You tend to wear bright/girly colors.

TOTAL SO FAR: 9

Personality:
[x] = You can be ignorant/oblivious.
[x] = You'd consider yourself shy.
[x] = You like happy upbeat music.
[] = You like "Cutesy" music.

TOTAL SO FAR: 12

What YOU think is cute:
[x] = You like small animals
[] = You like babies a lot.
[x] = Small/mini versions of things make you go (This is so true o.o)

TOTAL: 14

Multiply how many you got by 4
Repost as: "I'm __% Cute"
14 x 4 = 56

I have so many ideas of drawings I want to do.. but I can't seem to sit my ass down and do them! When I attempt, the picture I had in mind comes out like crap.

This goes for my commissions as well. I've figured out if I'm on adderall when I'm drawing something.. I tend to erase ten times more and pay extra attention to my pencil lines, making sure they are smooth and not smudged at all. x.x This causes me to take longer in sketching them out. What was fifteen minutes to thirty minutes per sketch is now an hour per sketch. ;-;

Don't get me wrong.. I love the effects of this new medication. But sometimes it can be a pain in the ass when it starts to wear off. A week or two ago I had this horrible obsession with picking my face and body, leaving nasty red marks all over, but fortunately the urge to do so has subsided thank god and now I've got barely any acne like before. I've found that the crash of adderall makes me more anxious and slightly depressed, but not tired (Which is a good thing lol. Before, I just wanted to sleep all day). The main downside is it makes me more clingy towards my boyfriend and my best friend, depends on who I'm hanging out with at the time. I don't like to be alone anymore really, before I enjoyed being by myself somewhat. When the adderall is working I feel like talking it up with anyone near me, I have a lot more energy, I feel like going outside, driving to places more, doing my school work, debating about serious things, eating a lot less (I'm not as obsessed with food as I was before) learning things I don't know about (for some weird reason >_> usually I could care less).. oh and cleaning, can't forget that. I can say I do love my room being clean. XD Over all in my opinion, the positive side effects are outweighing the negative side effects. I guess when the medication isn't working, I feel like my old self, heh.. except more clingy. >.< All I know is it's definately not working as good as it did the first couple of weeks I started taking it. But that happens with all medications, developing a tolerance sucks. Let's just say I'm going to stay at my dosage right now, if I increase it any more I might become insane. One of the best things is I lost 20 pounds since I've started it. I look thinner.. especially my face and stomach and I'm starting to fit in smaller size pants. :D

Me and my boyfriend, DJ, have been doing rather well. We've been spending a lot of time together, which unfortunately makes me more clingy. :( But it's still all good. We have some fights and bickering here and there, but we always make up. He finally got two jobs now, Pier 1 Imports and GameStop. Hopefully he'll be able to pay off his overdue traffic citations that cost him over $700.. and then eventually save up for another car. ._. But what's good is that both jobs are like a mile away from his house at the mall, so he can ride his bike to and from work.

Eh.. school is going okay. The only class I don't like is my graphic design class. The teacher is rude and I can hardly understand her with her thick spanish accent. I've been drawing a lot of naked women models lately in my drawing II class, kind of getting tired of the same girl. >.>

I'm not really sure what else to say.. but yeah, life.