Still about, sorry for the long absence. Lots of things have been going on that I really can't get into/don't want to get into. ;;

Still working on commissions, though I need to get in touch with the both of you who commissioned me and will do that this week.

All in all it boils down to me loathing having to live with abusive men.

*goes off to put ice on her back*

-And I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away
When all that I've known is lost and found
I promise you I, I'll come back to you one day-


I am so very sorry I've been absent. I know I make a weekly journal apologizing for my absence, but I do feel like I owe it to you all. I've still been quite ill and that's left me weak and not able to focus on much and left me crying on a daily basis. This month has been completely amazing and depressing at the same time. I honestly just feel like curling up in a corner and having people forget I exist.


I've had daily flashbacks and it's been leading me back down the path of self harm and cutting. Living here is slowly killing me.

I'm so sorry for the emo journal, but don't think that I don't love the hell out of you all.

I am trying to finish what I need to do artwork wise, it's a struggle some days because I get so damn exhausted.

Am so terribly happy and it's been one of the best weeks ever, even though had one hell of a bombshell dropped on me about 4 days ago. Thus bombshell being dropped, I am leaving AZ for good this time after January to pursue other things.


*crawls back into bed*

Hey all, I'm still around, but just kind of taking it easy. I've been ill on and off for the past week and taking the time to recover. I've also been distracted by something else as well. (I will eventually go into it, but not now. Sorry for being cryptic, but this actually does mean a lot to me and I really do want to wait for the right time to share it.)

I know I've also been pretty quiet on MSN/YIM and I really don't see that changing soon. I'm just really awkward when it comes to chatting on IM's. (Also for some reason, my computer loathes them and they don't work half the time.)

Still working on commissions so no worries there. :3

<3 ya'll.

Ok, I'll be working on commissions again tonight. I'm almost done with the first one and will be sketching out the second one in the next day or so.

It's been an amazing past few days, and I really couldn't he happier. ^^

I might resort to just lurking about FA for the next few days as I work, so ya'll might not hear from me too much.


<3 ya'll!

You know, I don't care anymore. I'm so over being used.

I'm just going to smile and say hell with it. I can't be sad anymore, I won't allow myself.

I also can't keep blaming myself


I just need to take a deep breath and clear my heart and my head and I'll be fine.

So apparently now I have to deal with a suicidal roommate. D: I know that it's just an idle threat most likely, but still.

I feel for the poor guy, but I don't want to have to deal with this. I'm trying my best to be supportive, and I really wonder if he's been taking his meds or if he's gone off them again.


I am so close to up and leaving today.

Yeah had to get rid of that depressing journal, so ya'll get a meme! 8D


Whats your middle name?

Maye


How big is your bed?

Twin



What are you listening to right now?

Coheed and Cambria- Welcome Home


What are the last 4 digits in your cellphone number?

Don't have one


What was the last thing you ate?

Does a sandwich like 3 days ago count?



Last person you hugged?

I honestly can't remember, it's been a while.



How is the weather right now?

Hot and rainy



Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?

No one. If on Skype, than it was Emil (Shadow)



What is the first thing you notice in the opposite sex?

Their smile ^^



Favorite type of food.

Chinese


Do you want children?

Maybe



Do you drink?

On occasion



Hair color?

Brown


Eye colour?

Dark brown


Do you wear contacts/glasses?

I wear glasses, contacts when I can afford them

(I look so dorky in glasses D: )



Favorite holiday?

Christmas



Favorite season?

Fall



Have you ever cried over a girl/boy?

I have, more than I care to admit


Last movie you watched?

Watchmen



What books are you reading?

House of Leaves (epic horror book, highly recommend it. It's quite unusual too. )


Piercings?

Ears for now, want to get my nose done, and perhaps my eyebrow


Favorite movie?

Paranormal Activity


Favorite college football team?

N/A


What were you doing before filling this out?

Sitting and thinking


Any pets?

No


Dogs or cats?

Cats


Favorite flower?

Any type of wildflower


Have you ever loved someone?

I have



Who would you like to see right now?

Hahah that's a secret.


Have you like, ever fire a gun?

Like, I totally have


Do you like to travel by plane?

I love it


Right-handed or Left-handed? (wait...for what exactly? ;) )

Right



If you could go to any place right now where would you go?

Anywhere but here


Are you missing someone?

Yes, very much so


Do you have a tattoo?

Yep


Do you still watch cartoons on Saturday mornings?

I do


Are you hiding something from someone?

No


Are you 18?

Over 18



What do you do before you go to bed?

Watch tv

Hello! Thought I'd open commissions early and get a head start.

Prices:

Human headshot, simple background: $35

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5933267/

Feral Character, simple background $20

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/6155033/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/6226012/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/6255091/

Add a Character: extra $10

Feral Headshot: $15

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/6203745/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/6336185/


What I will not draw:

Porn
Full bodied Humans
Anthros
Anything dealing with MLP

What I will draw:

Felines
Dogs
Horses
Fantasy Creatures

Please either comment here or note me. :3


Paypal is JRugar@cox.net

I'm feeling kind of lost tonight, but hopefully that will pass. I honestly think I just need a big hug.

Got some good news in this afternoon. My student aid is in, but I can't touch it till I start classes in January. That will help with the main plan later on.

Also, thank you so much for all the recent watches and faves. You all are amazing, and I'm so thrilled you like my artwork. <3

So here is what's going down.

I'm finishing up owed artwork

I am then opening commissions so I can take a little trip to Virginia to scout some things out.

Also starting a new project with as well. :3

Ugh...migraines...go away please.



*crawls off to bed*

http://youtu.be/y9BwQGYDLXg

So I have completely made up my mind about something, and if the college ever gets it's head out of it's arse, then I can go act on it. /hate waiting. D:


And I'm still damn happy. This is turning out to be an awesome end to the week.

I don't think I've smiled this much in ages. ^^



So freaking happy. :3

Also, I will be working on artwork again soon, I promise.


http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/...../#cid:21127024

She's got a cute style and is giving away 8 free ones! :3

ooooh not a good day.

All I want to do is sleep because I'm sick as hell again. Also found out that the ex bf's mom is at serious risk of losing the house, due to reasons that I'd rather not go into right now. Let's just say it could have been easily prevented. I'm also afraid that when I get my student aid in, she's going to want a big chunk of it. You know I'd happily give it to her, hell I'd give it to anyone that really needed it, but right now, I need it to get myself out of here and onto a better life. (I'll go to college here for a month or two, then look into transferring to another college in a different state)

Living with this family has been so much different than what I grew up with. I am not judgmental in the least about how people live, but this has been a real eye opener. I miss living in a clean house most of all. Hell, I won't go into that either.

I just don't know what else to say, so I guess I'll end this one.

*edit...he's not my bf..he's the ex. I didn't read this over and missed the ex part. D:

Ok, so I guess I'll just hop on this bandwagon thing.


Ask Sugar anything. http://www.furaffinity.net/view/6155033/

Ok, after a bit more thought and some rest, and not trying to think through a raging migraine I've come to the conclusion that maybe, just maybe scooting off to tropic land isn't the best thing right now.

Oh I'll still do it, but the way I worded everything last night made it sound like I was going to up and leave tomorrow. I do apologize for that. Eh, I was kind of out of it to say the least yesterday. Still feel like a damn caged bird though.

I do have something I need to stay here for, well the mainland that is. I do want to get out of this area though and then perhaps think a bit more. Yes, I've researched Hawaii to no end for the last 7 or so years, but as a few people pointed out to me, that it's still dangerous to go alone. (I am refraining from making the "It's dangerous to go alone, here take this" joke/meme thing) XD

So yes, still plotting on all that, but just letting ya'll know I'm not up and leaving within the next week to some far off place.

That's it!

I'm scraping as much money as I can together and leaving for Hawaii asap. Yes, I will most likely be completely broke, and it might be an ass backwards idea, but I'm not putting up with not being free anymore. I feel so caged here. My sense and lust for adventure is dying and I hate that. It's not like I haven't gone through periods of being broke as hell before, and I don't eat much anyways. I need to live what life I've got left, and I'm not going to do it rotting away in some house in the middle of the damn desert. This caged bird needs to fly.


Ya'll are free as hell to tag along with me. We can start a little colony of FA hobo artist or some such. XD


*though it is 2am and I haven't eaten a damn thing in 2 days, I'm actually serious about this. My other two moves didn't work, yes, but them failing were sort of meant to be, and honestly I'd rather forget and move on. Live and learn, it's in the past.

Yay for real life getting in the way of things. (aka being able to work on art/online life/lurking)


Edit: This is not geared toward anybody I talk to often, so you don't have to worry. XD

Anyways, that being said you know I love ya'll to bits. There are just a few things I'm not going to tolerate anymore. One of those things is people wanting to be friends with me simply for the art. Yeah, not happening. This also goes for people just wanting to use me for an RP outlet. Sorry, but I get tired of it. I'm not a whore and not something you can come running to whenever you want to get your rocks off.

Now this excludes most of you, so please don't think I'm snapping at you. I'm not. But I am a human. Yes, a lot of times my friendliness does get misconstrued, and yes, I can be a flirt. I'll openly admit that, but I'm not something that anyone can use. I'm done with it.

<3 the hell out of ya'll.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?featur.....;v=oWYyP9dFKws


Lol this totally made my day. XD

Lol just saw another member make a journal about Formspring and remembered mine. Then I realized that I couldn't remember what mine was so made a new one.


Ask away http://www.formspring.me/Thelonedoe

(I'll give you cookies. 8D)

I also don't mind anonymous questions


Also I will answer all comments on Perdus http://www.furaffinity.net/view/6336185 soon. I just don't want to revisit that right now as I'm very happy and don't want to risk it.

I must be a man then cause that seems like a schedule I'd love. XP

http://memebaseafterdark.com/2011/0.....logical-clock/

Name: Elle
Birth date: June 13, 1979 (yeah ya'll are lucky, I usually never give out my age or DOB)
Age: 32 D:
Country of origin: USA
Town born in: Wynne
Race/ancestry: White: Mix of Irish/German and Swedish
Religion: Buddhist
Height: 5 foot 8-ish
Eye color: dark brown
Hair color and style: Short, reddish brown and right now messy as hell.
Skin tone: Pale...I mean really pale.
Tattoos: One of an old character of mine *I need to get it removed*
Eye-sight: I wear glasses...I'm blind.
Names/screen-names you go by: The Lone Doe on DA
Explain your username: I love anything tropical, and adore fish. Thus when I was playing an annoying facebook game, I caught a Mahi Mahi and tada! 8D

Explain your icon: It's a linked icon with Leo that I doodled up the other day. :3

How would you describe your personality? Real laid-back, gentle, bubbly. Have an occasional dark side.

Are you afraid of anything/have any phobias? I have a slight fear of the dark, claustrophobia and agoraphobia (fear of crowds)

What's your most hated physical feature about yourself? My stomach. D: I've got a little meat on my bones that I need to get rid of.

Do you have any physical disabilities/ailments? Um...bad back?

Do you have any SPECIAL/FREAKY Abilities 8D? Lol well I can sense spirits and have a mild case of ESP. I also have in the past been able to predict when bad things are about to happen.

Do you have any allergies? Does being allergic to asshats count?

Are you the first, middle, last, or only child? And who are your siblings? Last. I had an older twin sister (by 7 minutes)

How many cousins do you have? Big family? I don't have a family.



What was your dream job when you were a kid? It was a tie between being a paleontologist, a marine biologist or being a storm chaser.

What is your dream job now? anything that has me working in some tropical location and has me out studying marine mammals <3

What are your current responsibilities? Trying to find a job/going to college. (trying to get the f out of here..again XD)

What are you wearing right now? Tank top, bra, pajama bottoms (sexah as hell, I know, but I just rolled out of bed not long ago)

How do you feel right now? So happppyyy!

Did you brush your teeth today? Yep!

One RANDOM fact about you: I've been in the Guinness Book of World Records. =3

Fuuuu...can't sleep.

Good news is that I do believe I've almost totally snapped out of that depression. Went swimming earlier and was able to clear my head for a bit. I've actually been happy since then.

Calling on a job tomorrow for an in home care assistant for 8 hours a day. It's quite close by so hopefully my history in said field will help. Here's hoping it pays more than $2.50 an hour unlike my last job in Virginia doing the same thing. XD

I will sit down and answer all you lovlies tomorrow as well. My notifications are overflowing. :P


<3