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I have a Ko-Fi now!
General | Posted 5 months agoJust as the title says: I am now on Ko-Fi. I will be posting stories there, for those who have enjoyed my writings in the past. My current project is the continuation of my "MAX POWER" story. If you haven't read it, you can check out the first book here: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/59948935/
I'll be posting one new chapter or story a week, on either Mondays or Tuesdays (not counting this week, where I posted today, on a Sunday). Stories will be available for free to Den Residents ($5/mo.), or for sale in my Ko-Fi store at $3 each. Anyway, if you want to support me on Ko-Fi, you can find me here:
https://ko-fi.com/malcolmthebear
I'll be posting one new chapter or story a week, on either Mondays or Tuesdays (not counting this week, where I posted today, on a Sunday). Stories will be available for free to Den Residents ($5/mo.), or for sale in my Ko-Fi store at $3 each. Anyway, if you want to support me on Ko-Fi, you can find me here:
https://ko-fi.com/malcolmthebear
1,000+ Watchers?!
General | Posted 2 years agoApparently I've been asleep here, because I didn't even notice I breached 1,000 watchers here. I really ought to be more active and productive here. I've got a new cover in the works currently; basically just need to edit and polish it a bit. But I just wanted to take a moment to say thank you to all of you. Whether you've watched me for the art I've gotten of my fursona, for my original musical compositions, for my singing, my voice acting, my stories, or just because we're friends: thank you. When I was a teen, I would have never dreamed I'd have so many supportive people in my life.
Sketch Raffle by Wolfy Artist!
General | Posted 2 years agoSo a pretty cool artist is doing a raffle for a free sketch here:
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/52961688/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/52961688/
Commissions Temporarily Closed
General | Posted 7 years agoWell, my computer decided to take a huge dump the other day. The power supply blew when we had some power surges here from a recent storm. While I could just replace the PSU, the fact is that I got my computer in 2005. It's just time for a serious upgrade.
I'm awaiting a major property sale from my family's estate, and once I have my share of the money from that sale, I'll be buying myself a new computer--something that will allow me to run more sophisticated audio and video editing software without chugging along like a tortoise hauling a space shuttle.
Until that time, all audio/voice commissions are currently closed. Bugger.
I'm awaiting a major property sale from my family's estate, and once I have my share of the money from that sale, I'll be buying myself a new computer--something that will allow me to run more sophisticated audio and video editing software without chugging along like a tortoise hauling a space shuttle.
Until that time, all audio/voice commissions are currently closed. Bugger.
Thought for the Day: Why Leadership is Failing Us
General | Posted 7 years agoIt's been a while since I've done one of these, so buckle up:
Thought for the Day: Why Leadership is Failing Us
Are some people just plain better than others? I don't mean, “John is better than Bill at doing X” or “Seamus has more Y than Siobhan.” Without regard to a specific skill or trait, is there an inherent hierarchy to humanity, where some people should just be viewed as BETTER people than others, who deserve an inherently better quality of life because of some je ne sais quoi? Perhaps more to the point: Are our brains programmed to think this way about each other in overarching ways? Do we like to simply feel as if we are better than others?
From what I've witnessed, the answer to those last two questions is a resounding YES...and it truly upsets me, because it leads to all manner of social injustices that have plagued mankind in all its recorded history. This idea that some people are better than others is definitely a byproduct of the social hierarchies we have in place in many contexts, but it's also likely that this byproduct serves as a feedback loop that causes people to set up more hierarchies or exploit their current ones just to satiate their own egos.
This is dangerous, because it creates imbalances wherein the strong prey on the weak. At the risk of stoking the fires of our current obsession with outrage culture, the strong preying on the weak is what pisses me right off perhaps more than anything else I witness in humanity. Maybe this is because I felt lost, victimized, and alone while being bullied during my own childhood, socially ostracized for reasons I wouldn't comprehend until many years later because no one sat me down and explained it to me. All I know is that as I have become an adult, I have grown acutely sensitive to any instance in which someone in a position of privilege abuses someone without said privilege.
It could be small and isolated, like a customer yelling at a store employee in a tirade of profanities over something asinine, and the employee not being able to do anything but take this verbal, psychological, and emotional abuse lest he risk losing his job. It could be a single bigot using all manner of crude epithets against a person he views as lesser. Or a manager treating the staff working under him like dirt, stealing their ideas without giving them due credit as he presents it to his own bosses while he continues to view his underlings as mere peons. (Fun fact: I heard the word “peon” before I ever saw it written, so I thought the term was “pee-on,” as in viewing a person as being so much less than yourself that they could be debased by being urinated on.)
But it's also the big, sweeping attitudes I see that upset me. It's the bills being presented and signed into law that only further to marginalize those already on the edges of society, like laws that make it illegal to provide food, water, clothing, and shelter to the homeless while letting it remain 100% legal (and even encouraged by traits of raw capitalism) to let those in power create and maintain economic systems that create homeless people in the first place, and then having the audacity to accuse the impoverished of being poor due to some personal moral failings instead of the systemic diseases that forced them into such a position, usually since birth.
It's seeing refugees seeking asylum from an oppressive government threatening to kill them and their families, and meeting them with suspicion—even further violence—rather than humanity and compassion, because they have been labeled as “the other.”
It's refusing to open dialogue with the people who live differently than you and face a world of different problems than you face, accusing them of lying and being “fake news,” then trying to flip the script on them because you mistake the reasons why they're upset or why they kneel during the national anthem—reasons you would understand if you simply listened and tried to comprehend a scope of humanity beyond your own tiny corner.
It's using the phrase “There but for the grace of God go I” in a feeble attempt to sound humble while coming across as merely condescending, because that phrase carries the implicit undertone of “My life is better than yours” and by extension, “I am better than you.”
It's the wealthiest few in the world who bribe, cheat, steal, lie, and threaten their way into coercing lawmakers to pass laws that allow them to amass even greater wealth at the cost of lowering the quality of life for the millions in the 99%. To be honest, I don't even understand the utility of wealth to the degree that is held by the 0.001% anymore. The richest person living has a net worth of over $160,000,000,000—more money than a single individual could spend in a hundred lifetimes—yet refuses to pay so many of his employees a living wage. Where's the utility of this level of wealth? Why does one person need to own so much, especially when the world as a whole would be better off with much of that wealth redistributed? At what point do we say, “Your achievement of this magnitude of success goes beyond what you rightfully deserve to keep for yourself, because in doing so you are single-handedly holding back the opportunities for success (or even basic well being) for millions of others”?
The bottom line of humanity should not be the bottom line of a bank statement. The leaders of the world shouldn't be abusing their positions of authority for personal gain. But time and time again, society devolves into states where the underlying dictum is “I got mine, so screw everyone else.” It's the idea that climbing to the top of the heap means you're the Big Winner. That whoever dies with the most toys wins.
That's not the goal of leadership. That's not the point of being in any position of power or authority. If we operate as a species of structured roles and hierarchies where some people are in charge of others or just get to make the rules, the rules are supposed to serve the community as a whole—not just themselves. Being in charge means you're given more resources because you're entrusted to utilize and distribute those resources in a way that benefits everyone. You're being entrusted in your creativity to structure resources to make life better for everyone and your sense of fairness so that no one gets left behind.
So when someone in authority hogs the resources or uses them to only make life better for themselves and a select few they care about, they've proven themselves unfit to lead.
When a leader doesn't stand up for those underneath him, fails to protect them, and basically leaves them to their own devices so long as they fall in line or pay tribute when its demanded, that person has proven himself unfit to lead.
In “Game of Thrones,” Ned Stark explained to his son Robb that being a Lord is like being a father, except you have hundreds of children, and you're responsible for all of them. This is what leadership is. This is what it means to be in a position of power and influence and privilege—to guide, to protect, to raise people up and work to make sure life is good for EVERYONE, not just the people you like.
Even if the privilege you have is simply being a member of the majority of your country or culture, you have a responsibility to treat those on the margins with the same dignity, respect, kindness, and compassion you would want shown to you and yours. You represent power, and you have to be careful how to display that power to those who lack it. Otherwise, you're broadcasting the message “I am inherently better than you, so stay out of my way and do as I tell you.”
There is room in this world for humanity for everyone. There is room for everyone's need, but not for everyone's greed. There is room for us all to have a fair shot at a decent standard of living, but the people holding the cards need to make sure they're dealt out fairly. And we should all be holding them accountable, each and every day.
Thought for the Day: Why Leadership is Failing Us
Are some people just plain better than others? I don't mean, “John is better than Bill at doing X” or “Seamus has more Y than Siobhan.” Without regard to a specific skill or trait, is there an inherent hierarchy to humanity, where some people should just be viewed as BETTER people than others, who deserve an inherently better quality of life because of some je ne sais quoi? Perhaps more to the point: Are our brains programmed to think this way about each other in overarching ways? Do we like to simply feel as if we are better than others?
From what I've witnessed, the answer to those last two questions is a resounding YES...and it truly upsets me, because it leads to all manner of social injustices that have plagued mankind in all its recorded history. This idea that some people are better than others is definitely a byproduct of the social hierarchies we have in place in many contexts, but it's also likely that this byproduct serves as a feedback loop that causes people to set up more hierarchies or exploit their current ones just to satiate their own egos.
This is dangerous, because it creates imbalances wherein the strong prey on the weak. At the risk of stoking the fires of our current obsession with outrage culture, the strong preying on the weak is what pisses me right off perhaps more than anything else I witness in humanity. Maybe this is because I felt lost, victimized, and alone while being bullied during my own childhood, socially ostracized for reasons I wouldn't comprehend until many years later because no one sat me down and explained it to me. All I know is that as I have become an adult, I have grown acutely sensitive to any instance in which someone in a position of privilege abuses someone without said privilege.
It could be small and isolated, like a customer yelling at a store employee in a tirade of profanities over something asinine, and the employee not being able to do anything but take this verbal, psychological, and emotional abuse lest he risk losing his job. It could be a single bigot using all manner of crude epithets against a person he views as lesser. Or a manager treating the staff working under him like dirt, stealing their ideas without giving them due credit as he presents it to his own bosses while he continues to view his underlings as mere peons. (Fun fact: I heard the word “peon” before I ever saw it written, so I thought the term was “pee-on,” as in viewing a person as being so much less than yourself that they could be debased by being urinated on.)
But it's also the big, sweeping attitudes I see that upset me. It's the bills being presented and signed into law that only further to marginalize those already on the edges of society, like laws that make it illegal to provide food, water, clothing, and shelter to the homeless while letting it remain 100% legal (and even encouraged by traits of raw capitalism) to let those in power create and maintain economic systems that create homeless people in the first place, and then having the audacity to accuse the impoverished of being poor due to some personal moral failings instead of the systemic diseases that forced them into such a position, usually since birth.
It's seeing refugees seeking asylum from an oppressive government threatening to kill them and their families, and meeting them with suspicion—even further violence—rather than humanity and compassion, because they have been labeled as “the other.”
It's refusing to open dialogue with the people who live differently than you and face a world of different problems than you face, accusing them of lying and being “fake news,” then trying to flip the script on them because you mistake the reasons why they're upset or why they kneel during the national anthem—reasons you would understand if you simply listened and tried to comprehend a scope of humanity beyond your own tiny corner.
It's using the phrase “There but for the grace of God go I” in a feeble attempt to sound humble while coming across as merely condescending, because that phrase carries the implicit undertone of “My life is better than yours” and by extension, “I am better than you.”
It's the wealthiest few in the world who bribe, cheat, steal, lie, and threaten their way into coercing lawmakers to pass laws that allow them to amass even greater wealth at the cost of lowering the quality of life for the millions in the 99%. To be honest, I don't even understand the utility of wealth to the degree that is held by the 0.001% anymore. The richest person living has a net worth of over $160,000,000,000—more money than a single individual could spend in a hundred lifetimes—yet refuses to pay so many of his employees a living wage. Where's the utility of this level of wealth? Why does one person need to own so much, especially when the world as a whole would be better off with much of that wealth redistributed? At what point do we say, “Your achievement of this magnitude of success goes beyond what you rightfully deserve to keep for yourself, because in doing so you are single-handedly holding back the opportunities for success (or even basic well being) for millions of others”?
The bottom line of humanity should not be the bottom line of a bank statement. The leaders of the world shouldn't be abusing their positions of authority for personal gain. But time and time again, society devolves into states where the underlying dictum is “I got mine, so screw everyone else.” It's the idea that climbing to the top of the heap means you're the Big Winner. That whoever dies with the most toys wins.
That's not the goal of leadership. That's not the point of being in any position of power or authority. If we operate as a species of structured roles and hierarchies where some people are in charge of others or just get to make the rules, the rules are supposed to serve the community as a whole—not just themselves. Being in charge means you're given more resources because you're entrusted to utilize and distribute those resources in a way that benefits everyone. You're being entrusted in your creativity to structure resources to make life better for everyone and your sense of fairness so that no one gets left behind.
So when someone in authority hogs the resources or uses them to only make life better for themselves and a select few they care about, they've proven themselves unfit to lead.
When a leader doesn't stand up for those underneath him, fails to protect them, and basically leaves them to their own devices so long as they fall in line or pay tribute when its demanded, that person has proven himself unfit to lead.
In “Game of Thrones,” Ned Stark explained to his son Robb that being a Lord is like being a father, except you have hundreds of children, and you're responsible for all of them. This is what leadership is. This is what it means to be in a position of power and influence and privilege—to guide, to protect, to raise people up and work to make sure life is good for EVERYONE, not just the people you like.
Even if the privilege you have is simply being a member of the majority of your country or culture, you have a responsibility to treat those on the margins with the same dignity, respect, kindness, and compassion you would want shown to you and yours. You represent power, and you have to be careful how to display that power to those who lack it. Otherwise, you're broadcasting the message “I am inherently better than you, so stay out of my way and do as I tell you.”
There is room in this world for humanity for everyone. There is room for everyone's need, but not for everyone's greed. There is room for us all to have a fair shot at a decent standard of living, but the people holding the cards need to make sure they're dealt out fairly. And we should all be holding them accountable, each and every day.
I live! And you can catch me (well, my voice) at BLFC!
General | Posted 7 years agoI know I haven't been active here over the last year or two. I've fallen into a funk of laziness and just not being productive with really anything, but I'm working to change that.
Despite being absent here, some really big things have happened in my life since I last posted anything here.
I got married!!! Last July,
scdwolfboy and I finally tied the knot, giving me the happiest day of my life and being able to finally call Wolfric my husband.
I got a promotion!!! Just this past week, after 7+ years at my job, I finally got a promotion! I'll be taking over as a shift lead starting May 12th. This is the first promotion I've ever gotten at any job, so this is a really big deal for me.
And I'll be in a musical premiering at BLFC this year!! No, it's not the musical (the one being written and presented by Fox Amoore and Pepper Coyote), but it's another new musical premiering at the same convention, with story and songs by Khord Kitty called "The Dragon Within." I won't be able to attend the convention in person, but I'm one of the voice artists for the musical, along with some other very talented vocal artists, including Pommy, the creator/voice of The Bedfellows. Be sure to check out this musical if you're gonna be at the convention this year!
Anyways, I'm hoping there will be more from me here and elsewhere in the coming months, so stay tuned!
Despite being absent here, some really big things have happened in my life since I last posted anything here.
I got married!!! Last July,
scdwolfboy and I finally tied the knot, giving me the happiest day of my life and being able to finally call Wolfric my husband.I got a promotion!!! Just this past week, after 7+ years at my job, I finally got a promotion! I'll be taking over as a shift lead starting May 12th. This is the first promotion I've ever gotten at any job, so this is a really big deal for me.
And I'll be in a musical premiering at BLFC this year!! No, it's not the musical (the one being written and presented by Fox Amoore and Pepper Coyote), but it's another new musical premiering at the same convention, with story and songs by Khord Kitty called "The Dragon Within." I won't be able to attend the convention in person, but I'm one of the voice artists for the musical, along with some other very talented vocal artists, including Pommy, the creator/voice of The Bedfellows. Be sure to check out this musical if you're gonna be at the convention this year!
Anyways, I'm hoping there will be more from me here and elsewhere in the coming months, so stay tuned!
MY FIRST AUDIOBOOK IS FOR SALE!!
General | Posted 9 years agoAs you likely know by now, I'm trying to get a voice over career off the ground. I've recently recorded and produced an audiobook, and it's now available for sale! Please note that I ONLY get paid for this through royalties, as I was NOT paid up front to produce this. I'm relying on sales of this audiobook to make it worth my while. The book is a treatise on the social life of artist Salvidor Dali, which may be of interest to many artists and art fans here.
To purchase the book through Audible, click here: http://www.audible.com/pd/Arts-Ente.....555&sr=1-1
To purchase the book through Amazon, click here: https://www.amazon.com/Dal%C3%AD-Fo.....i+in+formation
To purchase the book through iTunes, click here: https://itunes.apple.com/us/audiobo.....ign-mpt=uo%3D4
To purchase the book through Audible, click here: http://www.audible.com/pd/Arts-Ente.....555&sr=1-1
To purchase the book through Amazon, click here: https://www.amazon.com/Dal%C3%AD-Fo.....i+in+formation
To purchase the book through iTunes, click here: https://itunes.apple.com/us/audiobo.....ign-mpt=uo%3D4
My Voice Is In Video Games!
General | Posted 9 years agoFor those of you who may not know, I've been aspiring to become a professional voice over artist lately. And among some adverts and commercial products, my voice is gonna be appearing in a couple video games!
The first is an open-world RPG called "Witanlore: Dreamtime" that features a race of anthropomorphic bears (how appropriate!). And it has a playable demo out now! None of the characters I've personally voiced are in the demo, but I WILL appear in the full game (set to release next summer): http://steamcommunity.com/sharedfil.....080/1478734043
The second is an Alexa-based adventure game called "The Realm of Shadows," wherein I voice a villainous, Smaug-like dragon! It appears that this game is unique in that it will be an exclusively sound and voice based gaming experience. Remember the text-based adventure games of old? I think this game will be the same principle, only using voice commands and audio responses instead of text. It's pending final review from Amazon, but should be available within the month for Alexa-enabled devices such as the Amazon Echo. Read more about "The Realm of Shadows" here: https://daysfly.com/Gaming-Educatio.....e-Shadow-Realm
The first is an open-world RPG called "Witanlore: Dreamtime" that features a race of anthropomorphic bears (how appropriate!). And it has a playable demo out now! None of the characters I've personally voiced are in the demo, but I WILL appear in the full game (set to release next summer): http://steamcommunity.com/sharedfil.....080/1478734043
The second is an Alexa-based adventure game called "The Realm of Shadows," wherein I voice a villainous, Smaug-like dragon! It appears that this game is unique in that it will be an exclusively sound and voice based gaming experience. Remember the text-based adventure games of old? I think this game will be the same principle, only using voice commands and audio responses instead of text. It's pending final review from Amazon, but should be available within the month for Alexa-enabled devices such as the Amazon Echo. Read more about "The Realm of Shadows" here: https://daysfly.com/Gaming-Educatio.....e-Shadow-Realm
A Message To My Fellow Americans On This Election Day
General | Posted 9 years agoNo matter how you vote today, please remember that we're supposed to be the United States of America--not the Divided States of America.
I know plenty of people who aren't voting the same way that I am. They're good people. Decent people. Loving people. They're my friends and family. They just happen to focus on issues differently from the way I do.
So much of this election has felt like more than just mud-slinging, but like trying to utterly vilify anyone who isn't voting the exact same way that you are, trying to turn us against one another because we have different ideas about what's important in politics.
But we all have our own perspectives and our own voice, and elections are designed to let us all come together to speak our minds through the way we vote. We should all respect one another's freedom to make that decision.
But even more than just respecting that shared freedom, we should actively listen to one another's concerns surrounding this election, because like it or not, your concerns won't go away just because of the election results--and neither will the concerns of people who think differently from you.
Trump supporters are disenfranchised with the crookedness of money in politics and feeling like the world may be changing too fast. Hillary supporters are scared of the bigotry and calls to violence championed by many from the other side. Both sides have valid concerns.
But if we're going to start actively and directly addressing these core concerns that underlie our political beliefs, we need to start looking at human nature itself--about why we develop the concerns and fears that we do. And we need to speak to those aspects of our own natures and work to implement systems in our society that correct such issues so that they become non-issues.
But until we achieve that, all I ask is that you stop seeing people voting for the Other Candidate as your enemy. That person is not your enemy. That person is your neighbor, and we're all in this together. We need to learn what it means to compromise again, to manifest compassion for one another again.
It's okay to be angry or scared. It's not okay to be cruel or to lash out. Take a breath, and remember that we'll all be okay as long as we work towards compromised goals together.
I know plenty of people who aren't voting the same way that I am. They're good people. Decent people. Loving people. They're my friends and family. They just happen to focus on issues differently from the way I do.
So much of this election has felt like more than just mud-slinging, but like trying to utterly vilify anyone who isn't voting the exact same way that you are, trying to turn us against one another because we have different ideas about what's important in politics.
But we all have our own perspectives and our own voice, and elections are designed to let us all come together to speak our minds through the way we vote. We should all respect one another's freedom to make that decision.
But even more than just respecting that shared freedom, we should actively listen to one another's concerns surrounding this election, because like it or not, your concerns won't go away just because of the election results--and neither will the concerns of people who think differently from you.
Trump supporters are disenfranchised with the crookedness of money in politics and feeling like the world may be changing too fast. Hillary supporters are scared of the bigotry and calls to violence championed by many from the other side. Both sides have valid concerns.
But if we're going to start actively and directly addressing these core concerns that underlie our political beliefs, we need to start looking at human nature itself--about why we develop the concerns and fears that we do. And we need to speak to those aspects of our own natures and work to implement systems in our society that correct such issues so that they become non-issues.
But until we achieve that, all I ask is that you stop seeing people voting for the Other Candidate as your enemy. That person is not your enemy. That person is your neighbor, and we're all in this together. We need to learn what it means to compromise again, to manifest compassion for one another again.
It's okay to be angry or scared. It's not okay to be cruel or to lash out. Take a breath, and remember that we'll all be okay as long as we work towards compromised goals together.
Malcolm's Halloween Movie Recommendations!
General | Posted 9 years agoLast year, I made a journal recommending Halloween/horror movies a little off the beaten path, in case you got tired of cable reruns of the same Halloween classics. You can find that journal here: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/7137484/
I wanted to continue the trend this year, since I have an updated list with new films I've personally vetted and encourage horror buffs like myself to watch. So here's my Halloween Movie Recommendations for 2016!:
Before I Wake
Fear, Inc.
The Funhouse Massacre
The Hallow
The Mind's Eye
Murder Party
The Other Side of the Door
Scare Campaign
Society
Southbound
Tales of Halloween
Tell Me How I Die
I wanted to continue the trend this year, since I have an updated list with new films I've personally vetted and encourage horror buffs like myself to watch. So here's my Halloween Movie Recommendations for 2016!:
Before I Wake
Fear, Inc.
The Funhouse Massacre
The Hallow
The Mind's Eye
Murder Party
The Other Side of the Door
Scare Campaign
Society
Southbound
Tales of Halloween
Tell Me How I Die
Road to Success - Weeks 6 & 7 (Staying Motivated)
General | Posted 9 years agoRoad to Success - Week 5 (Overcoming Jealousy)
General | Posted 9 years agoRoad to Success - Week 4 (Overcoming Perfectionism)
General | Posted 9 years agoRoad to Success - Week 3
General | Posted 9 years agoRoad to Success - Week 2
General | Posted 9 years agoI'm gonna start vlogging these thoughts, instead of writing out everything.
Road to Success - Week 1
General | Posted 9 years agoRoad To Success - Week 1
I've slipped since my AnthroCon trip. But that's okay, because I'm picking myself back up now. I started this year with a renewed vigor to get my life in order and lose weight, and I made great strides towards that end, but ever since I got back from my vacation almost 2 months ago, I've been very lax. Whether it's the summer heat making me feel more lethargic or the break from my commitments that my vacation afforded me, or me just naturally having difficulty sticking to any goal or project for more than 6 months, some other reason or some combination of causes, I haven't been dedicated to living in line with my true self since the start of July.
But that ends now.
All my life, I've mostly just drifted along with the structures and goals imposed upon me by other forces, whether that was school or my various jobs or peer pressure or what I thought society expected from me, but the bottom line is that I've been living someone else's definition of success instead of my own.
And that has been at the heart of my lifelong anxiety and depression: I've been so worried about what other people think of me that it's impacted how I value myself. I've worried that I'm not good enough at so many things I thought were important to the point that I've felt like I'm not even good enough to deserve to exist. I've become shy and socially anxious because I grew up thinking that other people's opinions about me matter more than my own, and the abuse and bullying I endured growing up at the hands of my peers and my father caused my subconscious to develop a fear that basically tells me, "If I put even one toe out of line, it might upset someone else to the point that they will physically attack me, ostracize me, and possibly even murder me just because they don't like me."
And that's a terrible, awful feeling of fear to live with and have guide your own life, especially since so much of our happiness and success in life requires us to understand how connected we are to one another and to reach out to build those connections. What's more, the pressures of being told constantly as I was growing up how smart, gifted, and talented I am, and how much potential I have, plus seeing my extended family full of high-achieving doctors, lawyers, engineers, politicians, and the like, have made me develop this strong sense of perfectionism and a fear of failing.
But these fears don't have any basis in reality, because I AM an imperfect person. I've embarrassed myself on many occasions in front of people I love and admire, and they've never treated me differently because of it (well, except for maybe not letting me live down the pasta salad incident, but that's all in good fun). I've screwed up just as much as the next person, but I'm still loved and accepted. I'm not in middle school or high school anymore, where social Darwinism is at its absolute worst, and were consequently the most agonizing years of my life. I'm 32, and I'm planning a wedding to marry a man I love more than anything in the world, who I know loves me back just as much, and I have a great deal to be thankful for.
I've spent so much time trying to find some external force to help get me off my ass and launch me into success, but the bottom line is that there is no magic bullet, no magic pill, no power but what I can generate within myself to get myself going in the right direction. I've doubted that power my whole life, but it's time to embrace it by embracing my authentic self.
So considering that I have the power within me to get done whatever I wish to achieve, I took some time to bang out what "success" means to me in life, defining it on my own terms instead of anyone else's. This is similar in spirit to the personal manifesto I created around my 29th birthday. That manifesto gives me a decent outline of mindsets to hold and pursue, but it doesn't really guide me towards more actionable steps. I've realized that I've been drifting in part because I've been craving more structure in my life to help guide me towards goals that are in line with my authentic self, with living my values consistently, and ultimately doing those things to build up my self esteem.
This is what I've outlined as MY definition of success so far (and I fully admit that this may evolve over time):
--I work every day on something that brings me pride
--I make the decision to do the right thing at every opportunity
--I spend time every day enjoying the company of people I love
--I direct much of my energy towards helping others
--I spend time regularly learning something new or exploring new experiences
--I spend time regularly challenging myself to something daring and scary
--I have time each day to simply relax and soak up entertainment.
--I live a life with minimized distress across all spheres, except for the kind of stress that encourages growth, ultimately allowing me to live more healthily physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, ecologically, and financially.
--At the end of my life, I will know that I lived fully, loved deeply, explored courageously, worked industriously, grew extensively, played joyfully, and experienced profoundly.
Now some of these definitions I already have down-pat, such as spending time each day among people I love and enjoying entertainment, but many others are very much lacking in my life.
What's also interesting is that this definition of success will require me to combine different approaches to fully realize it. For some things, I will need to focus on concrete end goals, while for other things, I will need to focus on creating habits and processes that will maintain long-term success with little energy.
And like before, I have to be incremental. And because I will need the mental and physical energy to work harder than I have in the past, I need to again focus on how I'm treating my body to start out with.
But I don't want to take 5 months to get myself there like I did last time around. I have the confidence that because I'm still so temporally close to the healthier lifestyle I was living before July, I can get back on that track at an accelerated rate.
So this week, I am focusing on cutting out sugary beverages entirely, so that all I drink is water, tea, and coffee sweetened only with stevia, erythritol, and xylitol.
I am also returning to logging all my caloric intake via MyFitnessPal, which I stopped doing out of shame for all the junk I was eating.
My Current Weight: 250.5 pounds
My Goal Weight: 190 pounds
I've slipped since my AnthroCon trip. But that's okay, because I'm picking myself back up now. I started this year with a renewed vigor to get my life in order and lose weight, and I made great strides towards that end, but ever since I got back from my vacation almost 2 months ago, I've been very lax. Whether it's the summer heat making me feel more lethargic or the break from my commitments that my vacation afforded me, or me just naturally having difficulty sticking to any goal or project for more than 6 months, some other reason or some combination of causes, I haven't been dedicated to living in line with my true self since the start of July.
But that ends now.
All my life, I've mostly just drifted along with the structures and goals imposed upon me by other forces, whether that was school or my various jobs or peer pressure or what I thought society expected from me, but the bottom line is that I've been living someone else's definition of success instead of my own.
And that has been at the heart of my lifelong anxiety and depression: I've been so worried about what other people think of me that it's impacted how I value myself. I've worried that I'm not good enough at so many things I thought were important to the point that I've felt like I'm not even good enough to deserve to exist. I've become shy and socially anxious because I grew up thinking that other people's opinions about me matter more than my own, and the abuse and bullying I endured growing up at the hands of my peers and my father caused my subconscious to develop a fear that basically tells me, "If I put even one toe out of line, it might upset someone else to the point that they will physically attack me, ostracize me, and possibly even murder me just because they don't like me."
And that's a terrible, awful feeling of fear to live with and have guide your own life, especially since so much of our happiness and success in life requires us to understand how connected we are to one another and to reach out to build those connections. What's more, the pressures of being told constantly as I was growing up how smart, gifted, and talented I am, and how much potential I have, plus seeing my extended family full of high-achieving doctors, lawyers, engineers, politicians, and the like, have made me develop this strong sense of perfectionism and a fear of failing.
But these fears don't have any basis in reality, because I AM an imperfect person. I've embarrassed myself on many occasions in front of people I love and admire, and they've never treated me differently because of it (well, except for maybe not letting me live down the pasta salad incident, but that's all in good fun). I've screwed up just as much as the next person, but I'm still loved and accepted. I'm not in middle school or high school anymore, where social Darwinism is at its absolute worst, and were consequently the most agonizing years of my life. I'm 32, and I'm planning a wedding to marry a man I love more than anything in the world, who I know loves me back just as much, and I have a great deal to be thankful for.
I've spent so much time trying to find some external force to help get me off my ass and launch me into success, but the bottom line is that there is no magic bullet, no magic pill, no power but what I can generate within myself to get myself going in the right direction. I've doubted that power my whole life, but it's time to embrace it by embracing my authentic self.
So considering that I have the power within me to get done whatever I wish to achieve, I took some time to bang out what "success" means to me in life, defining it on my own terms instead of anyone else's. This is similar in spirit to the personal manifesto I created around my 29th birthday. That manifesto gives me a decent outline of mindsets to hold and pursue, but it doesn't really guide me towards more actionable steps. I've realized that I've been drifting in part because I've been craving more structure in my life to help guide me towards goals that are in line with my authentic self, with living my values consistently, and ultimately doing those things to build up my self esteem.
This is what I've outlined as MY definition of success so far (and I fully admit that this may evolve over time):
--I work every day on something that brings me pride
--I make the decision to do the right thing at every opportunity
--I spend time every day enjoying the company of people I love
--I direct much of my energy towards helping others
--I spend time regularly learning something new or exploring new experiences
--I spend time regularly challenging myself to something daring and scary
--I have time each day to simply relax and soak up entertainment.
--I live a life with minimized distress across all spheres, except for the kind of stress that encourages growth, ultimately allowing me to live more healthily physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, ecologically, and financially.
--At the end of my life, I will know that I lived fully, loved deeply, explored courageously, worked industriously, grew extensively, played joyfully, and experienced profoundly.
Now some of these definitions I already have down-pat, such as spending time each day among people I love and enjoying entertainment, but many others are very much lacking in my life.
What's also interesting is that this definition of success will require me to combine different approaches to fully realize it. For some things, I will need to focus on concrete end goals, while for other things, I will need to focus on creating habits and processes that will maintain long-term success with little energy.
And like before, I have to be incremental. And because I will need the mental and physical energy to work harder than I have in the past, I need to again focus on how I'm treating my body to start out with.
But I don't want to take 5 months to get myself there like I did last time around. I have the confidence that because I'm still so temporally close to the healthier lifestyle I was living before July, I can get back on that track at an accelerated rate.
So this week, I am focusing on cutting out sugary beverages entirely, so that all I drink is water, tea, and coffee sweetened only with stevia, erythritol, and xylitol.
I am also returning to logging all my caloric intake via MyFitnessPal, which I stopped doing out of shame for all the junk I was eating.
My Current Weight: 250.5 pounds
My Goal Weight: 190 pounds
10 Years on FA
General | Posted 9 years agoSo today marks my 10-year anniversary of being here on FurAffinity. Damn, how time flies and things change! And I'll be turning 32 tomorrow, too. I feel like I should be doing something to celebrate, but I have no idea what. XD
I'm Selling Hard Drives And Zootopia And Stuff!!!
General | Posted 9 years agoI've got a few listings up on eBay right now to rid myself of a few things I don't need. The money will help by going towards mine and Wolfric's wedding. You can check out what I've got for sale here:
http://www.ebay.com/sch/raevgordon/.....p2047675.l2562
http://www.ebay.com/sch/raevgordon/.....p2047675.l2562
Did you miss me sing at AnthroCon? You can see me here!
General | Posted 9 years agoFound the first video of one of my performances at AC this year. Please ignore how motionless and stiff I am--I was trying really hard to not let jitters come through. XD
Major props to
rhubarbthebear and 
cosmik for inviting me to perform at their show Sunday morning of AC (where this was recorded), and to 
kryptokontra for his awesome in-suit trombone skills.
Major props to
rhubarbthebear and 
cosmik for inviting me to perform at their show Sunday morning of AC (where this was recorded), and to 
kryptokontra for his awesome in-suit trombone skills.Singing Commissions Officially OPEN!! (10 Slots)
General | Posted 9 years agoSo I decided to go ahead and open commissions and see what happens. So if there's a song you've ever wanted to hear me sing, go ahead and contact me about a song commission! Info is here: http://www.furaffinity.net/commissi.....alcolmthebear/
But I'll post the info here as well:
Do you like my singing voice? Do you have a particular song you'd like to hear me sing? I'll sing one for you!
All you need to do is contact me via FA note here, email ( pianomangidley [at] msn [dot] com), or Telegram ( @ MalcolmTheBear ) to request a commission slot.
Commission prices are as follows:
Songs from Broadway or movie musicals, as well as jazz tunes: $5
Any other genre: $7
Songs requiring me to sing for more than 5 minutes: $1 per extra minute
Additional tracks requiring my voice (such as duets with myself, background vocals, etc.): $1 per minute
Singing in any language other than English: $2
Payment through PayPal ONLY. Payment is due upon my agreement to accept the commission. I reserve the right to reject a commission for any reason, though backing track availability will most likely be the reason I may reject a commission.
For this commission, you will receive a high-fidelity .WAV of the final recording, which is higher quality audio than what I upload here to FA.
Please note that this is for solo projects only. If you wish to record a duet with me or collaborate in another way, please contact me for availability.
Current Slots:
1.
valeyard - "Ordinary People" by John Legend (PAID) (FINISHED!)
2.
hassburg - "Fairytale" by Alexander Rybak (PAID) (FINISHED!)
3.
treyfox - "Pollyanna (I Believe In You)" from "Earthbound" (AWAITING PAYMENT)
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
Don't feel like commissioning me but want to throw some money my way anyway? I've posted a
jar on my front page as well. Tips are accepted via PayPal to my email address listed above.
But I'll post the info here as well:
Do you like my singing voice? Do you have a particular song you'd like to hear me sing? I'll sing one for you!
All you need to do is contact me via FA note here, email ( pianomangidley [at] msn [dot] com), or Telegram ( @ MalcolmTheBear ) to request a commission slot.
Commission prices are as follows:
Songs from Broadway or movie musicals, as well as jazz tunes: $5
Any other genre: $7
Songs requiring me to sing for more than 5 minutes: $1 per extra minute
Additional tracks requiring my voice (such as duets with myself, background vocals, etc.): $1 per minute
Singing in any language other than English: $2
Payment through PayPal ONLY. Payment is due upon my agreement to accept the commission. I reserve the right to reject a commission for any reason, though backing track availability will most likely be the reason I may reject a commission.
For this commission, you will receive a high-fidelity .WAV of the final recording, which is higher quality audio than what I upload here to FA.
Please note that this is for solo projects only. If you wish to record a duet with me or collaborate in another way, please contact me for availability.
Current Slots:
1.
valeyard - "Ordinary People" by John Legend (PAID) (FINISHED!)2.
hassburg - "Fairytale" by Alexander Rybak (PAID) (FINISHED!)3.
treyfox - "Pollyanna (I Believe In You)" from "Earthbound" (AWAITING PAYMENT)4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
Don't feel like commissioning me but want to throw some money my way anyway? I've posted a
jar on my front page as well. Tips are accepted via PayPal to my email address listed above.Thoughts on Tips/Commissions for Covers? Need Input!
General | Posted 9 years agoSo I've been thinking for a while now: I've been getting tons of requests and suggestions this year to cover certain songs, and I'm wondering if I should start offering some cheap commissions for covering a song, like $5 or maybe even Pay What You Want.
Or maybe I'd do better just putting up a jar on my front page, with a link to my PayPal info?
What do you guys think? Would you be willing to give me money to sing a specific song for you?
Or maybe I'd do better just putting up a
jar on my front page, with a link to my PayPal info?What do you guys think? Would you be willing to give me money to sing a specific song for you?
AC 2016 Over!!
General | Posted 9 years agoSo scdwolfboy and I recently arrived back home from our trip to AnthroCon this year, and I had an absolute blast!
Thursday evening, Wolfric and I celebrated our 8-year anniversary as a couple by enjoying what is arguably the best meal of either our respective lives at the fabulous restaurant Eleven. (Seriously--even their Manhattan was the best Manhattan I've ever had, and that's my preferred cocktail, so I've had it a lot.) Everything about our dining experience there was simply flawless.
Getting to perform at the Jazz Jam on Friday night as well as Rhubarb & Cosmik's show Sunday morning were definite highlights for me, as was hosting and conducting at the Band of Fur panel on Friday morning.
Major props go to Kontra for stepping up to help me lead the Band of Fur panel, as well as just being an all-around amazing horn player. Also thanks to rhubarbthebear and cosmik for letting me perform with them not once, but twice at this convention. And all the other horn players at the Jazz Jam really made the experience extra-special, as did the few fursuiters who showed up to dance to our jazz performance. I even got to run into the ever-talented musicians 
runtt and 
niic while there, who both seem awesome!
Beyond taking in a few panels (voice actor Trevor Devall is a RIOT!), I got to spend a lot of time hanging out and gaming with the totally-awesome macro/muscle crew at AC, including
dracoofzeradaith, 
fierglief, 
bluebane, 
otterstar, 
skarlath, 
ethancormack, 
tyrse, 
ark-noir, 
goolashe, 
panscolipede, and too many others to continue listing! Seriously, I think trying to cram any more massive, buff furs into one journal will break FurAffinity somehow. But bottom line: these guys are all aces, and spending time with them were the meat and potatoes of my con experience, so thanks to all you guys for making me and Wolfric feel welcome once again.
Speaking of gaming, I managed to snag a couple small-group tabletop games from the charity raffle, which made me happy since that particular lot was the one I wanted most from the ones I entered to win.
Also! After knowing her for YEARS online, I finally got to meet Tracy Butler in person! I even got her to autograph the score to the piece I composed based on her Ainessa story years ago. Her early Furry artwork is one of the things that got me into the fandom originally so many years ago, so it was a truly unique experience getting to meet her in person finally.
And finally, Wolfric did an AWESOME job at the annual charity poker tournament this year, placing an impressive 8th out of about 80-90 players total.
So, yeah...LOTS of amazing, magical, engaging fun with so many people and events and....yeah. It was AnthroCon, as only AnthroCon can be.
scdwolfboy and I recently arrived back home from our trip to AnthroCon this year, and I had an absolute blast!Thursday evening, Wolfric and I celebrated our 8-year anniversary as a couple by enjoying what is arguably the best meal of either our respective lives at the fabulous restaurant Eleven. (Seriously--even their Manhattan was the best Manhattan I've ever had, and that's my preferred cocktail, so I've had it a lot.) Everything about our dining experience there was simply flawless.
Getting to perform at the Jazz Jam on Friday night as well as Rhubarb & Cosmik's show Sunday morning were definite highlights for me, as was hosting and conducting at the Band of Fur panel on Friday morning.
Major props go to Kontra for stepping up to help me lead the Band of Fur panel, as well as just being an all-around amazing horn player. Also thanks to
rhubarbthebear and cosmik for letting me perform with them not once, but twice at this convention. And all the other horn players at the Jazz Jam really made the experience extra-special, as did the few fursuiters who showed up to dance to our jazz performance. I even got to run into the ever-talented musicians 
runtt and 
niic while there, who both seem awesome!Beyond taking in a few panels (voice actor Trevor Devall is a RIOT!), I got to spend a lot of time hanging out and gaming with the totally-awesome macro/muscle crew at AC, including
dracoofzeradaith, 
fierglief, 
bluebane, 
otterstar, 
skarlath, 
ethancormack, 
tyrse, 
ark-noir, 
goolashe, 
panscolipede, and too many others to continue listing! Seriously, I think trying to cram any more massive, buff furs into one journal will break FurAffinity somehow. But bottom line: these guys are all aces, and spending time with them were the meat and potatoes of my con experience, so thanks to all you guys for making me and Wolfric feel welcome once again.Speaking of gaming, I managed to snag a couple small-group tabletop games from the charity raffle, which made me happy since that particular lot was the one I wanted most from the ones I entered to win.
Also! After knowing her for YEARS online, I finally got to meet Tracy Butler in person! I even got her to autograph the score to the piece I composed based on her Ainessa story years ago. Her early Furry artwork is one of the things that got me into the fandom originally so many years ago, so it was a truly unique experience getting to meet her in person finally.
And finally, Wolfric did an AWESOME job at the annual charity poker tournament this year, placing an impressive 8th out of about 80-90 players total.
So, yeah...LOTS of amazing, magical, engaging fun with so many people and events and....yeah. It was AnthroCon, as only AnthroCon can be.
AC 2016 Questionnaire
General | Posted 9 years ago(Same as last year, only with mildly updated info for this year.)
Where are you staying?
At the Westin.
When will you arrive?
Wednesday evening.
How long will you stay?
Leaving EARLY Monday morning (you very likely will not see me after Sunday evening).
How will you travel to/from the convention?
Taking a bus!
Who are you rooming with?
My lovely fiancé, Wolfric ( scdwolfboy ), and his friend Kimor
Who will you hang out with during the convention?
Well, Wolfric will be at my side much of the time, and I plan to meet up with dracoofzeradaith, skarlath, fierglief and his crew, and other macrofurs. I'll also possibly be chilling with some of the music folks here or there, such as rhubarbthebear cosmik 
foxamoore and others.
Where will you be most of the time during the convention?
Got plenty of panels I want to attend this year, as well as a couple I'm participating in!
Which panels and events do you plan to attend?
Definitely the Band of Fur and Jazz Jam, since I'm hosting one and singing in the other.
Are you doing anything in keeping with the convention’s theme?
I'm singing in the Jazz Jam on Friday night! Come check it out!
Will you suit up?
I'll likely wear a nice blazer to the Jazz Jam, but other than that, you probably won't see me in any suit, furry or otherwise.
Will you perform?
YEP!! For the first time ever, I'm performing at a furry convention! Jazz Jam is Friday night at 11:30-ish (I say -ish because there's another event in the same room leading right up until 11:30, leaving us no empty time to set up).
Will you go to parties?
I haven't planned on it, but I won't rule it out.
Do you drink?
On special occasions.
Do you smoke?
Not for a long time now.
What/where will you eat?
Wolfric and I have reservations at Eleven for Thursday night, to celebrate our anniversary, but beyond that I'm not too sure. I'll probably be hitting up Fernando's at least a few times.
Can I come with you for food, fun, etc.?
Only if I know you well enough and my mate is okay with it (unless we happen to get sucked into tagging along a larger group).
What is the best way to contact you?
Smoke signals. Just kidding. I have a cell number, but that is privileged information given only to those I trust.
If I see you, how should I get your attention?
Saying my name is usually a good way to do that. A polite tap on the shoulder also works.
What do you look like?
Caucasian, larger build, a bit bearish (hehe), with dirty blond/light brown hair, brown eyes, and an auburn goatee.
How tall are you?
6'2" *looms*
How old are you?
31, going on 32.
What is your gender?
Male.
Are you taken? Are you looking for a mate?
I am totally and unequivocally taken, happily mated and engaged to scdwolfboy and not looking for anyone else.
Can I talk to you?
Absolutely! Just be forewarned that I can be a bit aloof. I'm still trying to break out of my social anxieties and general insecurities, and I might accidentally derail your conversation topic.
Can I touch you?
That depends on the touch. Nothing below the waist, please.
Can I hug or snuggle with you?
I might be inclined to hug you, especially if I know you well. Again, I can be a bit shy.
Can I dance with you?
I'm a terrible dancer and have no plans on dancing. But you go knock yourself out!
Can I visit your room?
I'm gonna put a tentative NO on that one, unless Wolfric and I are both okay with it.
Can I buy you drinks?
Not in excess, please, and you're not allowed to touch my drink--only the bartender and myself may. Sorry if I sound distrusting, but if you're a stranger wanting to buy me a drink (which has honestly NEVER happened before in my life [as I never was a barfly or heavy drinker anyway]), part of me is going to be suspicious.
Can I give you stuff?
I normally am flattered by gifts, though I feel like I never show enough gratitude when I receive them. However, if you try to give me something TOO bizarre, I might just say, "No thank you."
Can I stalk you?
Wow, getting creepy, huh? You roofie-administering, creepy-gift-giving stalker... Seriously, though, why are you wanting to openly admit to stalking anyone?
Can I take your picture?
As long as you don't plaster it everywhere online. Most everyone in my life who is NOT a Furry has no idea about my Furry side, and I'd like to keep it that way. If a picture of me at AnthroCon ends up part of some collage in a news release that my family and friends see, I will not be happy.
What (else) should I not do around you?
Don't hit on me OR my mate. We're here to have fun, but not X-rated fun. And just respect my personal space bubble. And don't be a dick.
Are you nice?
I try to be. If I'm stressed, I may be quick to anger, talk very curtly, etc. Just keep that in mind, as cons CAN have there moments of stress (like, "OMG! I'm totally gonna miss this panel I wanted to see! I gotta run!")
Are you cliquey?
I certainly try not to be cliquey in any way, shape, or form. I HATE exclusion.
Do you have art in the art show?
No.
Do you have an item in the charity auction?
Nope.
Do you have an artist table?
Nuh-uh.
Do you do free art?
You get what you pay for (assuming you mean visual art). I'm certainly willing to lend my voice to your project(s), though, if you need a singer and/or voice actor.
Do you do trades?
Not at the moment, unless you would be willing to trade me something for my voice. (No, not THAT way, Ursula!)
Do you do badges?
Again, no visual art skills.
Do you do commissions?
Not currently. Do you think I should? I've been getting a lot of requests/recommendations of songs to sing lately, and I'm thinking maybe I could open up official commissions on the cheap to sing songs you want to hear me sing.
Do you have a sketchbook?
It's buried somewhere in my pile of closeted crap. I should dig that out before the con...
Can I look in your sketchbook?
Maybe, if you ask me nicely.
Can I draw in your sketchbook?
Only if I approve of the content.
Might I find you at other upcoming conventions?
Nothing in the near future. Finances are a thing with which I try to remain responsible, and they also happened to be limited in my current state of life. Plus, Wolfric and I are planning our wedding a year out from now, so our limited resources need to be dedicated to that after this convention.
What are your goals for the convention this year?
See some panels, see some friends, celebrate the eight-year anniversary of me and my mate being together, and try to not get too nervous at the Jazz Jam or Band of Fur events. Mostly I just want to have fun! This is my one vacation a year, so I plan to live it up a bit!
Where are you staying?
At the Westin.
When will you arrive?
Wednesday evening.
How long will you stay?
Leaving EARLY Monday morning (you very likely will not see me after Sunday evening).
How will you travel to/from the convention?
Taking a bus!
Who are you rooming with?
My lovely fiancé, Wolfric (
scdwolfboy ), and his friend KimorWho will you hang out with during the convention?
Well, Wolfric will be at my side much of the time, and I plan to meet up with
dracoofzeradaith, skarlath, fierglief and his crew, and other macrofurs. I'll also possibly be chilling with some of the music folks here or there, such as rhubarbthebear cosmik 
foxamoore and others.Where will you be most of the time during the convention?
Got plenty of panels I want to attend this year, as well as a couple I'm participating in!
Which panels and events do you plan to attend?
Definitely the Band of Fur and Jazz Jam, since I'm hosting one and singing in the other.
Are you doing anything in keeping with the convention’s theme?
I'm singing in the Jazz Jam on Friday night! Come check it out!
Will you suit up?
I'll likely wear a nice blazer to the Jazz Jam, but other than that, you probably won't see me in any suit, furry or otherwise.
Will you perform?
YEP!! For the first time ever, I'm performing at a furry convention! Jazz Jam is Friday night at 11:30-ish (I say -ish because there's another event in the same room leading right up until 11:30, leaving us no empty time to set up).
Will you go to parties?
I haven't planned on it, but I won't rule it out.
Do you drink?
On special occasions.
Do you smoke?
Not for a long time now.
What/where will you eat?
Wolfric and I have reservations at Eleven for Thursday night, to celebrate our anniversary, but beyond that I'm not too sure. I'll probably be hitting up Fernando's at least a few times.
Can I come with you for food, fun, etc.?
Only if I know you well enough and my mate is okay with it (unless we happen to get sucked into tagging along a larger group).
What is the best way to contact you?
Smoke signals. Just kidding. I have a cell number, but that is privileged information given only to those I trust.
If I see you, how should I get your attention?
Saying my name is usually a good way to do that. A polite tap on the shoulder also works.
What do you look like?
Caucasian, larger build, a bit bearish (hehe), with dirty blond/light brown hair, brown eyes, and an auburn goatee.
How tall are you?
6'2" *looms*
How old are you?
31, going on 32.
What is your gender?
Male.
Are you taken? Are you looking for a mate?
I am totally and unequivocally taken, happily mated and engaged to
scdwolfboy and not looking for anyone else.Can I talk to you?
Absolutely! Just be forewarned that I can be a bit aloof. I'm still trying to break out of my social anxieties and general insecurities, and I might accidentally derail your conversation topic.
Can I touch you?
That depends on the touch. Nothing below the waist, please.
Can I hug or snuggle with you?
I might be inclined to hug you, especially if I know you well. Again, I can be a bit shy.
Can I dance with you?
I'm a terrible dancer and have no plans on dancing. But you go knock yourself out!
Can I visit your room?
I'm gonna put a tentative NO on that one, unless Wolfric and I are both okay with it.
Can I buy you drinks?
Not in excess, please, and you're not allowed to touch my drink--only the bartender and myself may. Sorry if I sound distrusting, but if you're a stranger wanting to buy me a drink (which has honestly NEVER happened before in my life [as I never was a barfly or heavy drinker anyway]), part of me is going to be suspicious.
Can I give you stuff?
I normally am flattered by gifts, though I feel like I never show enough gratitude when I receive them. However, if you try to give me something TOO bizarre, I might just say, "No thank you."
Can I stalk you?
Wow, getting creepy, huh? You roofie-administering, creepy-gift-giving stalker... Seriously, though, why are you wanting to openly admit to stalking anyone?
Can I take your picture?
As long as you don't plaster it everywhere online. Most everyone in my life who is NOT a Furry has no idea about my Furry side, and I'd like to keep it that way. If a picture of me at AnthroCon ends up part of some collage in a news release that my family and friends see, I will not be happy.
What (else) should I not do around you?
Don't hit on me OR my mate. We're here to have fun, but not X-rated fun. And just respect my personal space bubble. And don't be a dick.
Are you nice?
I try to be. If I'm stressed, I may be quick to anger, talk very curtly, etc. Just keep that in mind, as cons CAN have there moments of stress (like, "OMG! I'm totally gonna miss this panel I wanted to see! I gotta run!")
Are you cliquey?
I certainly try not to be cliquey in any way, shape, or form. I HATE exclusion.
Do you have art in the art show?
No.
Do you have an item in the charity auction?
Nope.
Do you have an artist table?
Nuh-uh.
Do you do free art?
You get what you pay for (assuming you mean visual art). I'm certainly willing to lend my voice to your project(s), though, if you need a singer and/or voice actor.
Do you do trades?
Not at the moment, unless you would be willing to trade me something for my voice. (No, not THAT way, Ursula!)
Do you do badges?
Again, no visual art skills.
Do you do commissions?
Not currently. Do you think I should? I've been getting a lot of requests/recommendations of songs to sing lately, and I'm thinking maybe I could open up official commissions on the cheap to sing songs you want to hear me sing.
Do you have a sketchbook?
It's buried somewhere in my pile of closeted crap. I should dig that out before the con...
Can I look in your sketchbook?
Maybe, if you ask me nicely.
Can I draw in your sketchbook?
Only if I approve of the content.
Might I find you at other upcoming conventions?
Nothing in the near future. Finances are a thing with which I try to remain responsible, and they also happened to be limited in my current state of life. Plus, Wolfric and I are planning our wedding a year out from now, so our limited resources need to be dedicated to that after this convention.
What are your goals for the convention this year?
See some panels, see some friends, celebrate the eight-year anniversary of me and my mate being together, and try to not get too nervous at the Jazz Jam or Band of Fur events. Mostly I just want to have fun! This is my one vacation a year, so I plan to live it up a bit!
Back on the Right Track - Week 25 (and Weekly Music Vid)
General | Posted 9 years agoBack on the Right Track - Week 25
It's amazing that nearly half a year has gone by in this journey for me to improve my physical health. I've accomplished a lot, having gotten halfway to my goal weight and having released more covers these last few months than I have over the last few years.
But there have been some stumbles, like this past week. Once again, I had a week where I made some poor choices. I think I've just been too excited to focus on staying on track lately. My emotions have kind of been all over the place, because I'm anticipating this upcoming vacation to AnthroCon while simultaneously trying to prepare for both my live performance at the Jazz Jam and hosting the Band of Fur event, and Wolfric and I have just booked our wedding venue and date for next year, so I've got a year's worth of wedding planning in front of me now as well. And I still want to get back into starting the business I had begun to work on back in May.
So much to do! This is going to require that my approach is refined, which I'll need to sit down and figure out once my vacation is over.
Because of my vacation and performance next week, I will not be posting a journal nor a cover next week. I fully anticipate I'll be breaking my healthy eating habits in Pittsburgh as it is, since it'll be a time to relax and just enjoy good company with friends and such. I have no idea what will happen with my numbers once all is said and done, but my focus won't be on that for the time being. For now, I'm just going to report the damage I did to myself this past week and call it a day. Two weeks from now, I may have a completely different approach mapped out to continue reaching for my goals. I feel like this chapter is closing, but I'm moving on to a new level. See you soon.
Current Weight: 230 pounds
Current Body Fat: 32.01%
Goal Weight: 190 pounds
Goal Body Fat: 15%
Weight Lost So Far: 45 pounds
Weight Left To Lose: 40 pounds
And my weekly music vid:
It's amazing that nearly half a year has gone by in this journey for me to improve my physical health. I've accomplished a lot, having gotten halfway to my goal weight and having released more covers these last few months than I have over the last few years.
But there have been some stumbles, like this past week. Once again, I had a week where I made some poor choices. I think I've just been too excited to focus on staying on track lately. My emotions have kind of been all over the place, because I'm anticipating this upcoming vacation to AnthroCon while simultaneously trying to prepare for both my live performance at the Jazz Jam and hosting the Band of Fur event, and Wolfric and I have just booked our wedding venue and date for next year, so I've got a year's worth of wedding planning in front of me now as well. And I still want to get back into starting the business I had begun to work on back in May.
So much to do! This is going to require that my approach is refined, which I'll need to sit down and figure out once my vacation is over.
Because of my vacation and performance next week, I will not be posting a journal nor a cover next week. I fully anticipate I'll be breaking my healthy eating habits in Pittsburgh as it is, since it'll be a time to relax and just enjoy good company with friends and such. I have no idea what will happen with my numbers once all is said and done, but my focus won't be on that for the time being. For now, I'm just going to report the damage I did to myself this past week and call it a day. Two weeks from now, I may have a completely different approach mapped out to continue reaching for my goals. I feel like this chapter is closing, but I'm moving on to a new level. See you soon.
Current Weight: 230 pounds
Current Body Fat: 32.01%
Goal Weight: 190 pounds
Goal Body Fat: 15%
Weight Lost So Far: 45 pounds
Weight Left To Lose: 40 pounds
And my weekly music vid:
Back on the Right Track - Week 24 (and Weekly Music Vid)
General | Posted 9 years agoBack on the Right Track - Week 24
Well, another week has passed, and it's another week of success! Staying the course for now is proving effective. I'm also REALLY enjoying a new purchase: the AeroPress coffee maker. It's a simple press brewer, and when used with some high-quality coffee like what I have (tip: look for single-origin beans or grounds, especially ones grown at high altitudes), it makes for an extremely smooth cup of morning joe, especially when I add in some organic, grass-fed cream and a packet of stevia.
For now, there's nothing really new except having lost a few more pounds to report. Everything is running smoothly for now, so I'll update again next week.
Current Weight: 227 pounds
Current Body Fat: 32.01%
Goal Weight: 190 pounds
Goal Body Fat: 15%
Weight Lost So Far: 48 pounds
Weight Left To Lose: 37 pounds
And my weekly music vid is here:
Well, another week has passed, and it's another week of success! Staying the course for now is proving effective. I'm also REALLY enjoying a new purchase: the AeroPress coffee maker. It's a simple press brewer, and when used with some high-quality coffee like what I have (tip: look for single-origin beans or grounds, especially ones grown at high altitudes), it makes for an extremely smooth cup of morning joe, especially when I add in some organic, grass-fed cream and a packet of stevia.
For now, there's nothing really new except having lost a few more pounds to report. Everything is running smoothly for now, so I'll update again next week.
Current Weight: 227 pounds
Current Body Fat: 32.01%
Goal Weight: 190 pounds
Goal Body Fat: 15%
Weight Lost So Far: 48 pounds
Weight Left To Lose: 37 pounds
And my weekly music vid is here:
