A good measure of events in my life has occurred since last i have been on here. I had a boyfriend (Bemani Tiger), whom I moved to GA. for. I eventually realized that he would just refuse to claim me publicly and I'd only ever be referred to as a significant friend, or "the roommate". He ultimately broke my heart over Telegram while I was in a meeting with my director, of which went really badly and is thought to have affected my lack of promotion in that year. Lot's can be said about him, I'll just say that he is a big fake and values his appearances in the fandom rather than his own well being and health. I have pictures of what's left of my car and of the outcome of not sleeping for three days at a con. He rushed home to make it work and wrecked it. He is also a big kid, and i do not mean in the romantic sense; I mean in the bratty sense. My first job in GA. ended when I quit in 2019 (5 months) after I found a better place to be. After crying for a good measure of time I was healed and found Koa.

I found Koa on Twitter. Koa and I were casual for a bit and decided to give boyfriends a shot. We met in January. I must admit now that our signs (Him: Air, Me: water) suggested that in the end that this would have happened anyhow, if ever a relationship could exist between two warring signs. We moved together in April and were fine (at least i thought) for a while. COVID was in full swing and i was furloughed from my job. I was in disaster avoidance mode and had to drive Uber to cover my bills and keep us from starving. Koa decided to carry on as if nothing was amiss and was happy to do so as he didn't lose his job and became stingy with his money when i asked for a little help here and there. There were other warning signs of disinterest and materialism as well. He was always on his phone and was always talking to someone in the other room or was putting his air-pods in his damn ear to ignore me. He wouldn't associate me with his family even though we were together a good bit. One day in July a puppy named Zak started talking to me on Howlr. He at first was obnoxious and kept trying to get in my pants, playfully telling me that "it's going to happen dragon". He drifted in and out of my Telegram since then. One day he really needed my Virgo talents and spoke to me for three weeks straight. He needed a friend that wasn't interested (at first anyhow) in intimacy with him. I really got to know him much more and realized he wasn't this slut that I had passed on as friends and written off as not worth my time. After he had dealt with his issues (and then some), Koa and I asked him over on a date. That date ended in a night of passion, of which I mounted him instead. A fact I still remind him of weekly. Koa Zak and I formed a poly. It was actually quite stable. we were happy for 3.5 months till we noticed the disinterest in Koa. and i noticed the pattern from before Zak had came into the picture. He had the classic 25 signs of disinterest. We confronted him 4 times in 6 weeks and nothing got better. He only spent time with us out of guilt and the need to keep his status as "roommate". He contracted the strong form of Chlamydia "somehow", and still to this day would never tell us how. I searched Koa's phone to find out who it was and what I found was way worse. Koa had been cheating on me and then also Zak afterwards for at that time 8 months. There is no forgiveness for cheating in my book of books. He was kicked out of the house and when he refused violently, the cops helped me.

Zak and I were deeply in love and falling harder daily. We decided to keep intact what was left of the poly. We did however close things tightly. We got stranger and happier by the day and out lives were brighter and more serene than they had ever been before. I met his folks as the "very good friend" fact that his mother saw right through. Zak also met my folks a few weeks later. Zak and I rededicated our lives to each other recently and collared each other as domestics. In the same emotional moment, he proposed to me instead. I guess it is fitting as i am the one that proposed to him to be my domestic partner with a poem.

I am looking forward to the rest of my life with my Zakkie. I still don't know how i deserved to find him nor how we fit so well together, but i will spend the rest of my life understanding it. He is my heart and I am his light in the darkness.

Often times I think and wonder,
That's when I sit and set to ponder,
The direction that I've taken up till now,
While standing upon this wayward bow,
No longer rocking hither and thither,
As I travel down this tranquil river.
I have seen things come and pass before,
But it is you I love and you I adore.


[Rebuttal]
Oh my dear good sir may I interject,
For the colors of your aura do reflect,
Your mood, your thoughts, you good graces,
Hell even how you tie your laces.

[Response]
Are you to say, my vision, that i am that transparent?
That my thoughts and actions are quite apparent?
That my next move is written here on my face,
no guile nor guise to remove a single trace?

[Rebuttal]
I will say you are quite astute,
A thing that i cannot refute.
You will take my hand and tell me your love,
One not matched by even the stars and sky above.

Smell the flowers, of course you will,
But recall what works you have left still.
Set your shoulders to take that load,
As you travel down life's great road.
Meet who it is that you are to meet,
As you make friends and allies on the street.
Hold them dear and to your heart,
As it is those bonds that fuel your art.
and when you're done and on that hill,
You may take that breath and drink in your fill.

I walk this earth without ill intent
Hurt through anger I wish to prevent
For life has much to offer us all
If we are open we will not fall
So be the difference, extend your hand
Share your good heart and your sand
We are all in this world together
So show each other how to be better

Go In Peace,

Malec Wolf

Life will get better so be out spoken
My heart is full, and I pray never broken
Burning with the brighter flame
I didn't set out to be the same
born only with what i have to give
so that is how I am to live

Go In Peace,

Malec

Hey Fluffs,

I just found this awesome Wacom Intuos valued at $200.00 USD. It was in a pawn shop and it had NEVER BEEN OPENED! I negotiated the price down to $50.00 USD and got it home. I am pleased to report that it works wonderfully after many preference changes I am able to draw quite well again. Please see my recent submissions.

I would always recommend that you shop at pawn/thrift shops for items before you buy new. This one little act goes a long way to save the planet, and puts one less item in a landfill. Be careful though. There are some less reputable shops that I stear clear of and others that just deal in specific items. I only buy like new items from them or non-opened items. Think before you pollute.

Go In Peace,

Malec

Life's struggles, and where it all takes us:

Exhaling in pain, and drawing upon peace
As the path I walked has stuttered and ceased
My past is behind me, smoldered and burned
I carry with me which what I have learned
I did not do which was expected
Quite the opposite, a future I protected
Not sure what else there is left in me
I looked to my spirit with shock to see
A smiling blue fur reaching out to me!
So A turn is what I find instead
A choice to be made, not long ahead
To continue, hurting, lost and alone?
And risk being lost far past what is known?
Or do I take the turn, a direction askew
That leads between here and an era anew?
It's finally my time to live or burn
So I grasp his paw and together we turn
I am not who you expected to see
My reinvention was to find me
I will forge ahead on the path I built
With not a single thought of hate nor guilt
With glee, my heart begins to purr
As I exhale in peace, and in through fur.

in 2003, I left and went to college instead of working with my father. To my father, this was an issue. I was cast out of my local church and culture when they found out my leanings, due to my father telling them. In a small community church culture is our everything: Friends, family, support, life management, artisan jobs, social network, I lost it all that day. I went for my first stent in college and successfully graduated as an Associates in Science in Networking Administration on my own in 2006. My "fiance" (based only on our intent to marry one day) moved away for a job. we stayed together in an LDR. He was hired straight out of college. I tried to get my family to come to the commencement event. I do not know what I expected, but with surgical precision, a phone call ended what was left of my past. I had to go back and finish my Bachelor's in Information Technology eventually. I did so. My relationship faded with my ex-fiance for many and one specific reason, we broke up. In the silence that followed I looked inside myself and let grow what was hidden. I let life and creation flow through me again and take shape. On that day an explosion of creativity lived in me again. I started drawing, singing, writing again and allowing things to come forth that I had to once hide. I embraced the fandom. I found my coven, they embraced me warmly accepting me as I am. I have my two communities back, what else is there in life?

Burning, a phrase that is sometimes literal, we burn what we wish to leave behind, whether it is on paper or the literal item.

Go In Peace,

Malec Wolf

love, rare and precious not to squander
while with you, i willn't wander
to be cherished and kept our love would be
a special bond between you and me

be yee happy or be yee sad
a lasting love shall be had
together we can work it out
through any problem, just talk it out

walk with me through life my dear
take my hand and have nae fear
for i am you and you are me
this is how great life shall be

I say this with nae backward glance
You are mine given half the chance
So what say you my fine friend
For I will love you till the end.