The venting is really good. I really need that. I can think clearer now.

I just want to make sure who I am or still is. Ben carried away too much I have lose sight of what I want and who I am. Like a song that never reach crescendo. The pressure just built in. Too many voices telling who I should and should not be. Or maybe not enough that I heard. Still in the end I still am the one who hold the rein. Why to be sway by the shadows which will gone in a moment. As memories of man are just like the morning mist *laugh*

Yet I know they said it because they too are worried about me for that I was really grateful. As long as I am happy.. I don't think people will need to tell me what I should do. I am sorry. I had overslept. But silly things is that I thought I should be with friends when i had free time. To stay with them to be there for everyone. To show them how each of them meant to me. Yet also because of that I was suffer in my own meaningless guilt. I was truly an idiot. No one need anyone. We all are just a person. I just had to do my best and wish the smiles always be on their faces. I really love you guys.. Thank you. Without any of you. I don't think I could ever truly know myself.

and in this occasion I would like to say that what is emo? is being able to cry as we want and laugh as we like is it? or the one that cannot get out from the sadness and despair is? How frivolous to have given someone a label. I don't judge anyone and I don't like to be judge. At least I try to my very best haha. I love you all even though you sometimes don't talk, you act rude or just being yourself. I just sometimes ask for the same treatment I had given people. Well when we are nice to people don't we ask for some too? hehe

I really like to bear upon stuff which isn't my fault. Even when people seems cold to me I always thought if it's because of me.

I wish I can always feeling like this and remembers all I had learn here... my next test in life is now at hand. As I had chosen life I wish to truly live it. I wish to say more but due to my limited brain that will have to be next time.

Damn hypocritical people I wanna scream at and FFFFFFF them all Damn damn damn damn damn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. FFF you. FFFFFFFFFFFFFFF you. FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF you. FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF you.

........... hehe.. haven't been so on fire for awhile. Certainly it was good if I can really kick the person or say it on their faces. What is FFFFFFFFFFFF wrong with them.

Taken from  lordmurasame Well I add he/him to her/she. Felt like I need too xp


-To every guy that said, "Sex can wait"

♥To every guy that said, "You're beautiful/handsome"

♥To every guy that was never too busy to drive across town to see her/him

♥To every guy that gives her/him flowers and a card when she is sick or down.

♥To every guy who has given her/him flowers just because that's how he rolls

♥To every guy that said he would die for her/him.

♥To every guy that really would.

♥To every guy that did what she/he wanted to die for

♥To every guy that cried in front of her/him...

♥To every guy that she/he cried in front of...

♥To every guy that holds hands with her/him.

♥To every guy that kisses her/him with meaning..

♥To every guy that hugs her/him when she's/he's sad.

♥To every guy that hugs her/him for no reason at all.

♥To every guy who would give their jacket up for her/him.

♥To every guy that calls to make sure she/he got home safe.

♥To every guy that would sit and wait for her/him for hours just to
see her/him for ten minutes

♥To every guy that would give his seat up...

♥To every guy that just wants to cuddle.

♥To every guy that reassured her/him that she/he was beautiful no matter what.

♥To every guy who told his secrets to her/him

♥To every guy that showed how much he cared through every word and every breath.

♥To every guy that thought maybe this could be the one.

♥To every guy that believed in her/his dreams.

♥To every guy that would have done anything so she could achieve them

♥To every guy that never laughed at her/him when she/he told him her/his dreams.

♥To every guy that walked her/him to her/his car and opened the door

♥To every guy that gave his heart.

♥To every guy who prays that she/he is happy even if you are not with her/him.


Not many girls/guys appreciate nice guys anymore...
And because of this, there are not many left out there...

Btw I kind of felt wierd like things when I talked with people.


Am I seems hypocrite to you guys or anything? I just felt like some defense is up and few people just put distance between me. Yeah I am kind of bug by that and I want to know if I had done anything bad to anyone. Thanks for reading this guys.

Not meaning to make a fuss about how I don't like about this time of the year. Well not that I don't like it anyway.
Just every years is the same. Same people. Same thing. Wishing for the same stuff.


But anyway hope you all have a good holidays. Just remember what you guys wish for okay? Wishes can be troublesome.

Just wanna rant about it a bit. Thanks for reading and have fun on these days ^^

As years goes by. Well only 1 and a half year strictly speaking.
So much have happened. But one thing remain the same is that I was really lucky to have meet you all. These great friends which have been good to me. But somehow I felt like I haven't been good enough.

Only by losing them now. I realize I haven't been paying attention to them. I thought they might not need me at all and they have enough people who care for them. But only to know I just as much as anyone beside them. But will my voices be heard and matter to them? I never know that. But at least I should try not?

Just remember not to give up on anyone yet. When we lose it only then we will know what they meant to us. Cherish them before they're gone. No one last forever.

People care but only when we are in return. If we have been absent for too long. Time will take our place and that's inevitable. Friendships need to be maintain both way, If we cannot do it never expect others to be able to. If something needed to be said. Made sure it was never being left out. Misunderstanding is sad and painful.

It's not that I don't want to talk. But sometimes. I just don't know what I can say for it to meant something and not just a patronizing words. I am sorry and thank you to have been kind to me. If you left because of just few who had hurt you then you have thrown away who is still care about you behind. Isn't what you did same as them who had hurt you?


Losing a friends to me is same as losing a part of my world.

War is needed yet not. War is meaningless yet it's the only things that gave life to warrior. Have one ever thought that life is simply death. Living on we already kills unknowingly. We are at war to stop one is to stop lives. Too many remain unresolved. Can we truly understand each other? How foolishly rich..

When life fall into mundane, do one not wish something will happened? Do one heart not crying out for more? Life cannot be the same. Too boring, too soft, too ordinary. Thirst for blood only for those who have left everything. Even without war humans still find fights, struggles and torture. Do anyone honestly believe there's no darkness in mankind? That it won't ever be awaken and one day we woke up into monsters?

One just never find a chance and reasons to. How long can these people hold onto their broken dreams? The answers is for as long as they live and wishes to believe.
You have no reasons to break it nor deny it. Human can only live for itself. Love and care are but an excuse for obsessions and possessiveness.

Anyone want to talk? I was lonely and a feeling hurt. Not just emotionally lol But all over. I will really grateful anyone can help me with this.

Well haven't been active in here lately. I apologize for that (yeah trying to care for everyone feeling lol) And I hope you guys were having an easy or not a great time all this while. Be safe and take good care of yourself everyone.

Well I have been working on my new job recently and been busy for a bit. But I guess my recent absent does too have something to do with my mind too. I have been wanting to be on yet I just cannot make myself to do it much. Did anyone have the same problems? and I wasn't avoiding any of you. Not by long shot but even till now I wish to know if there are any way around it. I am sorry and I wish to see you guys soon and.. I will be back more.

Something we all have heard all this time and been seek since immemorial. Yet how many have achieve it?
Only regrets and guilt that I have seen around me. For those who recognize it only a step too late.
As what we regret over is that we can do better then, isn't that already mean we have let it go that time. Then why only regret it now?
Guilt are for the laze.
and regrets are for the insane.

In the end, happiness is always there.

No one is ever alone.

We can't always expect people to be there when we need them to but we also have to remember they still choose to stick around even if we're not asking for it. The only things we can do for each other is just to be our best when we ARE there. Why do you feel lonely? That's the greatest questions for us all.

Smile is the only thing people can't take away from us. We can always smile no matter how it is. Unless you wish to frown.
The happiness is just a smile away.

and despair is only a step behind.

As if it been tipped. Things just got from bad to worse. All thing that happened that lead up to this. My heart feel hurt thinking about it. Losing someone I care. I guess that's hurt me the most. But it will pass. Yet if I let it go will I no longer be able to see him again or will I no longer care? I love him yet in the end that no longer meant anything.

and to see my friends troubled. Yet unable to help. Why did all bad things suddenly happened? As if it been orchestrated to be in such sync to make everything seems so wrong. Only by getting through this can we get stronger. Only by getting through this we can grow out from those shells.. Yet how I wish all this trouble will end soon and I want to see people smile again and everything be solve.

My friends in in need of money and he have open commission for work. He can draw really well and I hope you guys can take a llook at his work  blibbles
Thank you for your time in reading this and even if you can't help can you pass the words along? Thank you again everyone.

Online can be so fake at times make one lost it way yet nevertheless people believe in it at one point. Just made me sad to see things doesn't really workout on it. Lament for those things that aren't mine. I guess I am too free for my own good..

Being Indecisive is sucks and waiting for the decision of other is worse..

For a little updates... I haven't been feeling well lately and haven't been much on MSN. Even though I worry about people just can't find the strength to log on >.< I wonder what is wrong with me. Thing doesn't seems right and my mind is in chaos. Needed some rant here and there. But still I can really put my confusion out. Anyone know what can I do? Then again no one does lol I really need some crazy intervention here to help ><

Anyone ever heard of Umineko No Naku Koro Ni?
I think I will squeal >< Nothing but epicness Kyaaa~~~~~<3
lol not that many anime will get me so excited but this one is so good XC

Link is here but it's a bit gore-ish http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NuZS.....eature=related

1. Tell you something I'll learn about you by looking at your FA page for 13 seconds.
2. Tell you which color you remind me of.
3. Tell you my first memory of you.
4. Tell you what pokemon you remind me of.
5. Ask you something I've always wondered about you, and your answer has to be as vague as possible to keep the suspense.
6. Tell you my favorite thing about you.
7. Give you a weird nickname
8. Tell you what's on my shirt right now.
9. Challenge you to post this on your journal.

Is taken from  riddle_me_this ^^

Well first of all I wish to apologize to people whom I have promised to made stuff for them. My scanner is alright but my old comp is kind of dead and have to get a new one while the my laptop Win 7 isn't compatible with my old scanner. So it might took a really long time to truly post my latest yet really old work. Sorry guy and also I am fine. Been venting and ranting so I am cool.

Taken from  nihonforthewin

Instructions:
Start with 100%. Put an (X) on everything you've done and subtract 1% for everything that you've done. Then repost as you're __% virgin.

1. Smoked. (x)
2. Drank alcohol. (x) Always nice..
3. Cried when someone died. () Only in cartoon.
4. Been drunk. ()
5. Had sex. (x)
6. Been to a concert. ()
7. Gotten/given a hand job. ()
8. Gotten/given a blow job. (x) I started early.
9. Been verbally/sexually harassed. (x) Yep.
10. Verbally/sexually harassed somebody. (x) Haha I totally did it.

Sub-total: 6

11. Felt someone up and/or been felt up. (x)
12. Laughed so hard something came out of your nose. (x)
13. Cheated on a boyfriend/girlfriend before. ()
14. Been cheated on by a boyfriend/girlfriend. ()
15. Been to prom. ()
16. Cried at school. (x) Well primary school does count right?
17. Gotten lost in a WalMart or a department store. () I am happy I got a good direction sense.
18. Went streaking. ()
19. Given or received a lap dance. ()
20. Had someone of the opposite sex in your room. (x)

Sub-total: 10

21. Had someone of the opposite sex sleep over. ()
22. Slept over at someone of the opposite sex's house. ()
23. Kissed a stranger. ()
24. Hugged a stranger. () No touching.
25. Went scuba diving. ()
26. Driven a car. ( )
27. Gotten an x-ray. ()
28. Hit by a car. (x)
29. Had a party. ()
30. Done serious drugs. ()

Sub-total: 11

31. Played strip poker/darts/basketball. ()
32. Got paid to strip for someone. ()
33. Run away from home. ()
34. Broken a bone. ()
36. Bought porn. ()
37. Watched porn. (x)
38. Made porn. ()
39. Had a crush on someone of the same sex. (x)
40. Been in love. (x)

Sub-total: 14

41. French kissed. ()
42. Laughed so hard you cried. (x)
43. Cried yourself to sleep. ()
44. Laughed yourself to sleep. ()
45. Stabbed yourself. ()
46. Shot a gun. ()
47. Trash talked someone and then acted like their best friend the next day. ()
48. Been online for 9 consecutive hours. (x)
49. Watched TV for 9 consecutive hours. ()
50. Watched an animal die. (x)

Sub-total: 17

51. Watched a person die. ()
52. Kissed and/or messed around somewhere with at least 1 person present. ()
53. Pranked somebody. (x)
54. Put somebody in the hospital. ()
55. Snuck into someone's room and/or your own room after being out. (x)
56. Kissed somebody of the same sex. () I wish.
57. Dressed punk. (x)
58. Dressed goth. (x)
59. Dressed preppy. (x)
60. Been to a motocross race. ()

Sub-total: 22

61. Avoided somebody. (x)
62. Been stalked. ()
63. Stalked someone. (x)
64. Met a celebrity. ()
65. Played an instrument. (x)
66. Ridden a horse. (x)
67. Cut yourself. (x)
68. Bungee jumped. ()
69. Ding dong ditched somebody. ()
70. Been to a wild party. ()

Sub-total: 27

71. Got caught stealing something. (x)
72. Kicked/punched a guy in the balls. ()
73. Stolen a boyfriend/girlfriend from a friend. ()
74. Gone out with your friend's crush. ()
75. Got arrested. ()
76. Been pregnant. ()
77. Babysat. ()
78. Been to another country. (x)
79. Started your house on fire. ()
80. Had an encounter with a ghost. ()

Sub-total: 29

81. Donated your hair to cancer patients. ()
82. Been asked out by someone that you never thought you'd be asked out by. ()
83. Cried over a family member of the opposite sex. ()
84. Had a boyfriend/girlfriend for 3 months or more. (x)
85. Sat on your butt all day. (x)
86. Ate a whole carton of ice cream all by yourself. ()
87. Had a job. (x)
88. Gotten cut from a sports team. ()
89. Been called a whore. ()
90. Danced like a whore. ()

Sub-total: 32

91. Been mistaken for a celebrity. ()
92. Been in a car accident. (x)
93. Been told you have beautiful eyes. (X)
94. Been told you have beautiful hair. ()
95. Raped somebody. ()
96. Danced in the rain. (x)
97. Been rejected. ()
98. Walked out of a restaurant without paying. (x) I forgot.
99. Punched someone/slapped someone in the face. (x)
100. Been raped. ()

Total: 37

Total score is 63% Hm.. Much lower than expected.

Well I am back.

Will be suspend until further notice.