If I'm ever going to get where I want to go, I have to be reckless. Expect failures in hordes.

I dreamed that she painted something, and I thought it was real. It wasn't...isn't yet...or?

I'm losing it, I guess.

I quit my job today. I've done so much for them, I've dragged their bread through the fangs of blizzards and marched through wind chill in the negatives, showed up faithfully hours before the sun dared show its face in the icy hell that is winter in the mountains. And what do I get?

F em.

It's not gone, it's just in scraps.

I don't know where I go from here. To quote Socrates: "All I know is that I know nothing."

I knew it would be the same in the end.

One to three days I guess.

It could, you know.

I feel like I'm missing something fundamental when it comes to drawing, something I can sense yet not see. Something that separates...

Words, words, words. What is it?

It's not perfect paws, lack of landscape, shading or perspective or sub-structural alignment, I know I'm missing those things and in time they'll be. It's...dammit, what?

I don't know yet. I'll find it though. I will you know.

As usual I've changed my mind. Is it even mine, anymore? I'm more Mariak than I am 'myself' these days, and I'm not sorry. Sobriety is a broken shadow, a candle compared to the sun. Screw that sad specter and all his regrets.

I've been dreaming of this for a while now. It's finally come back around, like it always does.

I think I get it now. I do, you know.

I almost held back this time, almost tried to do more.

I guess my eventual hope is that I become so fast that I have no choice but to move on.

I'm still a writer, sort of.

So...moving along.

I hope to be able to put together the few pieces of 'Coker' tomorrow.

There are several random shorts as well, some of which I don't actually remember. If you're one of the few who cares, and miss something, remind me here.

In the mean time, look up Solex (Cold Station Six, horrifically amateur), Sarento (Mine 1 and 2 as well as Penguins of Triton omg I was so drunk) and Knifewolf (my first complete, broken novelette, in which I couldn't quite bring myself to accept my fate) if you want to read more.

I'd like to take this opportunity to apologize once again. I'm...not well sometimes, and I know my writing isn't that great, but it wasn't right to delete everything and just disappear. I hope in time I can find forgiveness.

It seems I'm dead in the water rofl

Okay. Alright then. Har. I raise my glass to this place anyway.