I think that one of the more weird parts about me, is that I don't generally create art when things in my life are amazing and good. When I feel really top notch and life is going well, I usually choose to spend the energy I get from those good vibes by doing other things - cooking, cleaning the yard, hanging out with the family, or more often than not I'll put that energy into my workplace, where the effort is useful and I feel even more good about things. For me, art has become more of a therapeutic activity for when things aren't going good, typically when I've hit rough patches in my life and I need a distraction immediately. A pen and some paper is all I need to let my mind escape, even if I can't do so physically. Even better if I'm at home, I can pick up a paint brush or some polymer clay and do more detailed things if I have the energy.

Things aren't good for me right now. But at least I have art to get me through the days, even if it's not high quality stuff, I'm just happy to throw sketches around and avoid having to mentally be stuck where I am right now. And that's okay.

So. New year fast approaching us, eh? 2015, it was good knowing ya. Good getting a feel for how things are changing. Good to see you go out on a peaceful note.

2016, I'm hopeful for you. Got some big plans in the making. Big plans, indeed.

Stay sharp, folks. Onwards, to the new year!

- M

Been a while since I posted an update. Sorry for the general lack of decent art lately. Sketches are pretty much all I've had the time and motivation to put out. I've been working on a painting, too, that I've invested a good deal of free time into. Hopefully I'll get time to finish that up soon, given that my work schedule really hasn't allowed me much more than a day or two off for the last few weeks, and thusly I've mostly just spent that time sleeping and dealing with life issues.

Uh, lets see. Since that journal about happiness, I've actually felt a tiny bit better. Still really fucked up deep down, and since Ranger's passing last week, grief has sort of tinged a lot of my waking moments. I've accepted that he's gone now, we have his ashes back and are pricing out an urn for them, but it still prods at my emotions when I remember something that he used to do, or things that he's going to miss now. Not crying as much, those dried up about three days in, but I still get pretty choked up here and there. Looking at pictures and printing them off has been pretty cathartic, which I'm grateful for. Thank you, as well, to everyone who has wished my family well and given condolences during this difficult time. They're all appreciated, and they've helped with getting me through this period of grief. Ranger would have been begging a treat off all of you at this point, so I think he would be thankful for the well wishes on his passing.

Mentally, even before Ranger's passing, I just haven't been doing well. I generally try not to reach out to help for others because I don't feel like I've earned that right, and they're all busy with their own issues and grievances. So, yeah. It's easier, I find, to push away my own negative thoughts and feelings by trying to help others, instead. I don't know how successful I've been, but at least it's kept my mind off certain things. It's been stressful at work, too, so much so that it's to the point where I'm constantly craving something to smoke or drink, despite the fact that I hate smoking and generally will only indulge in a cooler here or there (alcohol is pretty ick to my tastebuds, tbh). It's frightening, in a way, because I have this niggling feeling in the back of my mind that I could easily become an addict to something if I gave it enough of a chance. So, yeah. That, and the shaky hands are a new thing. I'm dealing, though. Surviving and putting other things to the forefront of my mind to keep on going. Christmas being around the corner is helping, I guess. (I'm stupid excited for it every year, and I'm not even a kid anymore! :P )

I think I've settled into adulthood now. I turn 24 on New Years, so it's about time, eh? I'm getting a handle on my financial and personal responsibilities, learning to prioritize the items and events in my life, and I feel like I've learned a lot about myself in the last few months, too. Despite having a rough time, mentally and emotionally, I've opened myself up to trying some new things - mainly, hockey! I know, I know, Canadians are long fabled for their hockey addiction. The fact that I wasn't crazy about it before was mainly due to my family being more of a football-oriented household. But now that I've taken the time to watch a few NHL games and throw my affection in for a certain team (Go, Sharks!), I find that I'm really enjoying it. And it's inspired me to take up skating again, for the first time in almost 10 years. I'll be going to skate with my older sister on Thursday for the first time since my 10th grade phys. ed class had it as a unit, and I'm really fucking excited about it! My goal is to teach myself how to stop properly, and how to skate backwards. :D

Anyhow, I should wrap this up now before I go on any longer. Gotta hit the hay for another shift tonight. Sorry this is a mixed bag of negatives and positives, but that's just life. I'm dealing.

Happy Halloween, all, and keep yourself warm and safe in the coming months!

- mase

What I want to ask is: how do YOU stay happy? What sort of advice could you give to a person (namely, myself) who can't seem to stay happy for longer than a single day with weeks of depressive episodes between? Are there activities that help you forget the not-so-good-stuff, or movies/music that you like to listen to that help elevate your mood?

What makes you happy? How do you maintain it? Because I sure as heck could use a little advice on it right now. @_@

- mase

I'm off of work for a few days, so I figure I might as well do something productive, which naturally means doing some art.

So, I'm open to doing 3 sketch trades! Comment below if you'd like to do a trade, and we'll share some character info regarding what you'd like sketched. Any NSFW trades will be posted over on my alternate adult account, and just as a heads up, there are a few things that I won't draw based on personal preference. I'm fairly open minded, though~

- M

Follower participation time! Name one or two pokemon, and after I finish this painting project I'm doing, I maaaay just happen to sculpt one or two of those listed in the comments. I'll update this journal with a list of noted pokemon, just so we don't get repeats all the time. :P

In other news, the sun is out, the snow is gone (for the time being), and it's gloriously warm outside~ Spring has finally sprung! I've had the last five nights off of work (currently on my last night off right now), and though I was out with a the Flu for a couple days, I'm feelin' good again and ready to tackle work when I go back tomorrow. The good weather has put me in a really good mood, so I've been working on a new painting (36" w x 24" h), and I've been doing some drawing and sketching as well - namely making a go of working on human faces. Which is fuckin' difficult, my god.

Hmmm, what else...I picked up a new DSLR the other month! My sister asked me to photograph her wedding, so I needed to upgrade my kit (aka. a small, portable digital camera), and just having this new toy around is reminding me of how much I loved the photography and media courses I did in high school. Hopefully going to pick up a new lens soon and maybe get out to one of the local riverside parks to take in the wildlife and shoot some photos.

Everything's pretty good at work so far. Had an eight day stint before this elongated time off, but I survived. Barely, ahahaha~ I did get two raises back at the beginning of March, one being a standard raise, and the other being part of our new contracts. So, yeah, if I'm remembering this correctly, I may be somewhere between 6 and 9 months away from hitting top rate pay as a part-timer, which is a pretty decent wage in and of itself. I could actually afford to move out! @_@ Might wait a few months before seriously considering that, though, as the rental market is absolute shit presently in my target area, and there are a few other things I'm mulling over doing.

So, all in all things have been fair on my side. I'm not eager to talk about some of the not-so-good events that have occurred, so I won't. I kinda want to keep my journals positive for the most part, rather than being a Debbie Downer like usual. :P

Hopefully you're all safe, in good health, and enjoying some sunshine!

- mase

I should be getting my first suit in any day now. Ahhhhhh!

The only thing that takes an edge off the excitement, though, is thinking about how I'll be received by wearing it to my sister's wedding in July. Hm. Not that it matters what others think, right? I'm just hella stoked to get it and put together my outfit. :D

Also, I'd like to apologise for being gone a while. Been busy with work, and I'm still really fucking weighed down with another long week (8 days consecutively) coming up here, but I'm feeling good and hoping to do a bit more doodling and submitting soon.

- mase

Yeeeeah, so I forgot my password to my NSFW account, which had an email that I no longer have access to (thanks, hackersx), which means I can no longer post my diddly-bits crap over there. Unless I magically remember my password some day.

So, just a fair warning that I will inevitably be posting some adult works here and there on this account. And I'll also warn that some of this art may involve unusual kinks...Feel free to ignore these if you wish, I figured I should post a cautionary journal beforehand. :B

- Mase

Contemplating doing some lazy comics here and there. Got a name for 'em and everything. Now I just have to complete designs and, y'know, actually make the comics (or rather, find time to do so).

Hum bum.

Happy New Year, all! Out with the junk of 2014, and in with a fresh start in 2015. I hope you all start the year off safe and sound, and hopefully none too ill from any drinking done at any celebrations you attended. ;)

For this new year, I've made just a few simple resolutions:

- Save more money (and make fewer unnecessary impulse purchases)
- Open myself to new experiences/adventures/opportunities
- Be more forgiving of others
- Make healthier choices

I'm looking forward to trying new things this year, and maybe even meeting new people with less reservation. And considering today is also my birthday, I also plan on enjoying some cake and ice cream! :P

Go boldly into the new year, friends and followers, and enjoy the rest of your celebrations!

- Mase

I've been captured by work and gaming lately. Just haven't been in the mood to draw much, honestly.

I do, however, feel an updated reference sheet coming up. Oh yes~

- mase

Recently started playing Guild Wars 2. Expect art.
...Eventually.

Who else here has been playing Destiny this week? I bought it the day it came out and though I've only had time to get up to level 7 so far, I'm really fuckin' loving it - and this is coming from a person who generally doesn't like FPS games!

If anyone wants to hit me up and add me, my gamer tag is Isolatedveik9 . See ya in The Tower, folks!

- mase

It's...been a while. Mostly been busy with work and life and other stuff. The usual, y'know? Gonna have some art coming up here soon, so sit tight!

And because I'm crazy, something I'm excited about: just 138 days until Christmas~!

- mase

I haven't done anything decent in a while and for once I feel like getting out of my comfort zone and into interacting with other folks. So, anyone wanna do some art trades? I can't promise that my artwork will be amazing, but I'll give it the ol' college (or in my case, high school) try!

With my night job in consideration, I'll happily do trades with 3 or 4 people. Might take a while for me to get them done, since I usually spend my weekdays crashed and burnt, and my nights working, but I'll work on them as time is made available to me. Comment on this journal if you want to tradsie, yeah?

- mase

My god, these last two days have been a fucking gong show.
On the bright side, everything turned out alright. Still, I hate being stressed on my days off.

So I had to restore my laptop files to factory settings this morning (after backing up my files, of course, thank god for my brother giving me a hard drive for my 18th birthday), which of course wiped out all of my pre-filled passwords for all of my sites etc. etc. Most importantly, I don't have access to my primary email at the moment, and I can't reset the password because Yahoo is suddenly being a dick about not allowing me to use security questions to reset. So I submitted a help ticket, and hopefully that will get fixed soon.

Meanwhile, I'm attempting to restore my backed up files, because if I can't, I will have lost a metric shit-ton of artwork and application forms, resumes etc. In short: I'll be moderately SOL if I can't get at least some of the important files back.

Man, this is supposed to be my day off. I hate having to deal with stressful shit like this when all I want is to get some sleep before I have to go back in to work tomorrow night. Fuck.

Haven't done anything decent enough to post yet, so sorry about that. The most I've been doing has been little sketches like my recently uploaded thing, and doodles in the little notebook I keep in my apron at work. I'm vaguely angry at myself for my lack of inspiration and laziness at developing any ability I may have, but that's alright. Eventually I'll get back to doing some proper artwork - no telling when, but it'll happen.

Life's a bit hectic at the moment. I've been busy at work, although the threat of being laid off in March is looming and starting to look more concrete. The stupid thing is that the guys in management already KNOW what's going to be happening, but they refuse to tell us until our contracts expire next month. Until then, I'm constantly worrying about having to look for another job, just when I've started relatively enjoying and appreciating the one I do have (despite the shit it's doing to my knees, I mean my god, you do NOT want to spend 4+ hours a night kneeling and facing shit, trust me). Meanwhile, bills are starting to get out of hand here at home, and that's just...not a bit good. I'm stressed, anxious, and as a result can't fucking get a good day's sleep and I haven't felt 100% up to snuff in weeks. Such is life, though. People have been through worse and continue to be put through such things; I'll be fine in the long run.

TLDR; life is sort of shitty, my art is in the gutter at the moment, but everything will be alright eventually.

It's what the label says, folks: I've decided to take a break from FA, both on this account and my adult art account. The fact of the matter is that with work and with other details of my personal life, I'm simultaneously too tired, too busy, and too depressed to do anything more than cutesy, itty bitty doodles lately. And that's stretching back a few months, if I'm honest.

So, for the time being, I'm going to be taking a temporary break from posting art and doing commissions. I may toss up a dinky little doodle here and there, usually here on my 'clean' account, but I might be in the mood to do some adult doodles every so often (which will be posted on the appropriate account). No promises, though.

I'd like to thank each and every one of you who has given me a watch, favourite, note or comment up to this point. It's been encouraging to know that people out there do enjoy my art, regardless of my not being formally educated in the realm of any arts. You have all made me so darned joyful, and I only hope to get back to doing more art for you in the near future. Given that my work contract is up in March, and none of us know what is going to happen then, odds are you might see me around again at that time.

So, lets all get a big group hug in here, and I hope to be back to you all soon!

- Mase

Angry, depressed, tired and I still have a metric shit ton of cookies to bake for Christmas. I don't get off for my 4 day holiday until the morning of the 24th, so I'm really feeling the pressure at the moment. Odds are that I'll be trying to get some art done during the holidays, but I can't guarantee anything.

Hopefully everyone else is doing better than I can claim. Happy holidays, merry Christmas, stay safe and healthy!

- mase

It really just hit me that I'm actually getting paid for work, and a decent amount, too. As tiring as working 8 1/2 hour night shifts are, I'm stupidly proud of being able to have the money to chip in around the house, replace things that I've had broken or breaking for years, and better yet, I've already lost 4 lbs. from a week of physical labour!

And now I'm actually saving up to possible go on a vacation to see a friend in the states. All on my own. I can legitimately afford it, too, with the amount I make each month if I get 3 shifts minimum. It's strange, but realising this has made me actually start to feel like an adult. I can afford to go out and do things real, proper adults do every day around the world.

Mase has gained a Level! +1 Health, +1 Dexterity, +1 Charisma, +2 Strength

Okay, lets just get it out here first and foremost that I am asexual.
Now, let me also remind everyone that asexual does not always mean aromantic, that for me it just means that I do not want to have sex with anyone.

You with me so far? Great.

Now to the heart of the matter: I'm feeling conflicted about the dating scene. I'm by no means an attractive person. I'm overweight, I really don't care about putting much into my personal appearance aside from making sure I'm clean and my clothes are clean. Hell, I the most I ever do to my hair is brush it and put it up. I'm very utilitarian.

I have also never been in a relationship or been kissed in a way that isn't familial. Never really had the desire to even be in a relationship with anyone up until this point, actually. Which is why I'm conflicted. I'm so used to being single, to not having to rely on anyone else for my happiness or sexual satisfaction. I've seen how damaging relationships have been for my siblings, and it scared me off them for well over the past ten years. And yet now I find myself wanting to have someone to, as cheesy and it sounds, kiss and cuddle and just be close to with respect to that fact that I don't want to have sex. Kissing is fine. I don't see it to be sexual if it isn't made to be. It's intimate, it's comfort and joy and affirmation that the other person cares about you. And yet I don't think anyone would ever want to deal with someone who's Ace and doesn't want sex out of a relationship (and did I mention that I'm rather plain and ugly? I did? Well, I say it here again, then).

So, I'm stuck in the mud here. I'm afraid of the consequences of a relationship, and the expectations other people have, and yet I find myself starting to want one. Somehow it feels like I'm just expecting too much in exchange for so little.

Okay, lets just get it out here first and foremost that I am asexual.
Now, let me also remind everyone that asexual does not always mean aromantic, that for me it just means that I do not want to have sex with anyone.

You with me so far? Great.

Now to the heart of the matter: I'm feeling conflicted about the dating scene. I'm by no means an attractive person. I'm overweight, I really don't care about putting much into my persona appearance aside from making sure I'm clean and my clothes are clean. Hell, I the most I ever do to my hair is brush it and put it up. I'm very utilitarian.

I have also never been in a relationship or been kissed in a way that isn't familial. Never really had the desire to even be in a relationship with anyone up until this point, actually. Which is why I'm conflicted. I'm so used to being single, to not having to rely on anyone else for my happiness or sexual satisfaction. I've seen how damaging relationships have been for my siblings, and it scared me off them for well over the past ten years. And yet now I find myself wanting to have someone to, as cheesy and it sounds, kiss and cuddle and just be close to with respect to that fact that I don't want to have sex. Kissing is fine. I don't see it to be sexual if it isn't made to be. It's intimate, it's comfort and joy and affirmation that the other person cares about you. And yet I don't think anyone would ever want to deal with someone who's Ace and doesn't want sex out of a relationship (and did I mention that I'm rather plain and ugly? I did? Well, I say it here again, then).

So, I'm stuck in the mud here. I'm afraid of the consequences of a relationship, and the expectations other people have, and yet I find myself starting to want one. Somehow it feels like I'm

A lot has been going well for me lately, which is a nice surprise! I'll be going to computer training for my new job tomorrow, which I hear is actually pretty brutal, so I'm packing up a notebook and some of my fountain pens, and I hope I'll do well!

Other than that, not much else is new with me. I picked up a Lion King book with some great concept art in it, so that's sort of inspired me to want to do more concept sketching of my own characters/worlds. Haven't done any art of my OC Mason in a while, either, so that'll give me a good excuse to draw him up. Expect some upload! ...eventually.

Wish me luck with my training tomorrow! I think I'm gonna need it. @_@

- mase

Hopefully ordering my copy of World of Thedas either by the end of this week, or at the beginning of next week!
*joyful screech*