Cleared all the pictures that I drew for him. I don't know what he has but it's not my problem. I just don't want them near me. He doesn't want to deal with this and I'm going to be free, eventually. I'm not letting the fact I wasted my time trying too hard get him to pay attention to me, hurt me. It might take a few months but I just have to remind myself that I tried... He hid... I'm deathly afraid of everything almost all the time and I tried my hardest not to let that get in the way. I tried not to let the fact I'm overly professional get in the way. I even canceled orders and wasted precious time to MAKE time for us... Gifts for him... The only time I'd get really mad is when I asked for something to make us get done faster... he'd ignore me and that time I made got lost... Doing things I knew I couldn't handle and don't want to remember... Him never showing up when I asked... Now knowing he doesnt even remember me begging him to come over... Lying to myself that one day he'll know how to just hug me... thinking One day the torture I've been enduring from others will be worht it...The years of fighting to protect him...

Useless...

He spent all his time and energy thinking I was aggressive... Running... Telling me he's hurt but not doing a damn thing about it... I wanted to pay I attention to him, believe me i've tried, but you have to understand that someone that's been raped more times than she cares to admit cant handle getting molested in such a weak emotional state.... Just looking to feel loved. Always thinking "I just wanted a hug, dont touch me there... I'll have sex with you if you'll cuddle me after... where are you going? Why didn't you come back?... Maybe I'll try again next time..."

I even bought him a laptop for school because a mac can't use excel... Returned it and only got about 75% of what I originally put into it... I couldn't keep it because it's not the item, Its the thought that counted and every time I'd look at it I wanted to die... So I got rid of it. I used to tell people, you never buy a boyfriend anything you cant afford... I guess fiancee is the same.

I have all the grey scale sketches of all the art I've ever given him and all the line art that was stolen from his van and I spent a lot of time painting them in water colors because I know he liked it... Hands stiff and swollen, fighting through it "I need to get this done..." I was going to give it to him for our anniversary but we didn't make it that far... I now don't know what to do with all this shitty art... So beautiful... so worthless... I don't have the heart to destroy it because other than who's in it.... It's beautiful...

We Werent just dating we were engaged and for years I've been afraid of commitment... June, 3, 2012 1:49 AM I decided I wasn't going to let a petty fear ruin someones elses life and I devoted mine to him. But I guess I was the only one... and I'll never do it again... With anyone... Because I was willing to die for him and all he was doing was ignoring me...

They all tell me I'm too agressive... But I can promise you I'm not one to fight for no reason. It's too much wasted effort... Antony said I over reacted when he cheated, Danny when he ignored me, Mike when he used me to get to my best friend, matt when he hit me and ignored me for games,Because friday raides mattered more than the fact I was feeling down... Jason because he told me to go kill myself... and now this one... for not listenting to me...

But yeah I am aggressive... clearly too, too agressive... and you know what they do to aggressive animals.

As soon as i'm free of this curse I'm giving it away and drinking till... I'm free... And I'll be joining every dog that bites...

I'll be uploading all his pictures soon. I've just been to sad to do cute things.

Dissapear from the internet for a while and it feels weird being back. I'm probably going to be uploading art in that "OMG IT'S BEEN 6 MONTHS!!!" stupid mess I usually do sometime soon. I finally have a semi-working scanner and a not so working Laptop. Lucky me this ass hat has granted me one thing, the ability to upload this one pic http://www.furaffinity.net/view/9369871/ 6 and a half hours later and it's done, still lost wrong with it but I'm done working on it. Sorry about only being on every 3 months but life isn't exactly my biggest fan.

I've sort of been in this depressive state and found a very nice pick-me-up.

So windows is crashing as I speak so I'm going to submit this and go to bed. Goodnight all and wish me luck... To get this junk working I'm going to need it...

I know right, I honestly suck at this being on line often enough stuff but sadly my laptop is DEAD. I can't run word to make my order sheets and it barely stays on at all anymore.

Untill I can get a new one I'm stuck borrowing Mc Dogs. AND!!!! I'll be make a business account!!! It's where I'll be taking all my Comissions!!! The problem I've been having is that Raiger is odd to spell so people dont bother to look for me as soon as I get the new account set up I'll be making ANOTHER journal to let you know where it is and what she is <3

As some of us know my lap top is a peice of junk well guess what, now my interent connection is just as bad as my laptop!

Sadly the cross between both problems means I cant connect to the internet at all at some times.

I'm soo sorry I havent been paying attention to the lot of you. As soon as one or both of my internet troubles gets fixed I'll be uploading art once more!

P.S. Although I have a home computer my wonderful father decided to put a password on it although he's the reason nothing works...

Let's just say I suck and I understand why people lie... I'm sorry doesn't make what I did okay but I didn't expect it to be this bad...

The current male lacks effort... Like he'll piss me off and just go "okay" as if he hasn't pissed me off at all.

He BARELY tries anymore and it's depressing. Even if a woman hangs up on you, you call at LEAST once. Even if she doesnt pick up she likes to see the EFFORT!!!

His lack of effort makes me feel like no fucks are given and if that's the case I dont have to give any.

I guess my problem this time is that I was trying to explain to him why I'm irritated and instead of listening he just tells me about his day. I couldn't give half a fuck about your day when I'm trying to tell you why the fuck I'm outraged and how you can salvage the situation.

I guess it would be better if I just did what all the other women I'm related to choose to do. Hold in all the rage as long as I can untill I'm just an unhappy raging bitch who cant be stoped because months or years of rage has built up and I dont know how else to feel anymore, permanently scarred into being a psychopath!!!

So kitty might be single soon. I'm sick and tired of the lack of effort, lack of fucks given, his wreched lack of social skills, lack of pack loyalty, lack of social disiplen and the huge amout of fail no matter how much I do to attempt to tell him how to fix it.

World knows I'm picky when it comes to a mate but theres a such thing as too much. I'd love to stay with him but he need's to do some growing, maybe a psycho girlfriend will teach him something.

So the scanner is acting wonky after about a month not being home and my lap top is soo awful I'm barely using it's original parts...

This pose, your character only 10$ flat color! COLOR!!! If you buy more than one you may get a deal or extra art (ordering more than one does not count towards the slots so order up!!!). Available in any creature without wings (Or small winglets), not only due to my failure to draw wings but because it covers too much of the face and ass and back and all that goodness (talking to those of you with obscenely large wings @-@).

Examples:

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/7288939/

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/7288667


3 slots open as of now. Will open more if able.

Flat color backgrounds: your choice FREE!!!
Arm up or down: your choice FREE!!! (will not draw anyone "flipping the bird" thank you)
Tongue out: your choice FREE!!!

Why does everyone assume standard options have to be paid for? Lol. I may trade for these but it depends on what you're trading, hehe.

2 trade slots. May open more if you have something I want ^-^

Have basically been sick since Christmas so I'm trying to pick back up on drawing.

5$ head shot quarter page full ink and color are going to be available forever untill I get too swamped but full body is only 7$ till con before being 10$ again.


I'll upload full body option 1 soon.

Reserve a space! Reserving a space doesn't always mean you promise to buy so go ahead take a slot. Give me something to do ^-^

I have 5 slots open on this account!!! Have a look around at my galery! I have new Bust badge I'm DYING to try out!!!

I've decided I'm finally going to read EVERYONES journals EVER. Well... you lovely folk that I'm watching and are watching me back. I feel like I dont talk to people anymore and what better way than to accept their lovely conversaton starters.





Apologies for spelling, as usual.

I nearly came buckets when I found this game!!!

http://feral-heart.com/

For some one with almost 10 FERAL SONAS this 3D chat room was AWESOME!!! I might put screenshots or Maroru up soon!!! Good times.

Hope to see some of you there.

You know, why is it when I'm honest and truly speak my mind it's when people think I'm crazy. The normal messed up things I say are generally thought of as normal and totally disreguared but the second I get mildly thoughtful and put something that has actual meaning up people immediately tell the proffesor to leave me?

I mean so what if I'm bat shit insane... I'm pretty sure he knows that for one thing but he also knows why I'm crazy. The things I do and say aren't for the shock value (although I wonder what the dark corners of my mind would do to people. Like that dream I had about peeling a live mouse or the fact I think blood is sweet. Note that I said dream...) it's just honest thought. The little things like "I don't want kids", "I'm getting fixed", "people have become corrupt" are thought of as a "Bitch be crazy you might want to jump this crazy ship before you get trapped in" type of statement. So what if I don't like people enough to continue us as a species. Hell, look at face book and go try to read anyone under the age of 17's profle... Oh? Can't read it because of all the $@%^&*? Thought so... No matter how much parenting you do you can't parent against whats "Cool" or how someone feels. Could any of your parent's parent you right out of beng gay, furry, lezbian, tranny, trans sexual, neko, otaku, pan sexual and all that creative noise people say, think and believe they/we are? NO? Well damn, getting fixed sounds to be better and better all the time, every time I think about it, it just feels right. But wait every time I remind my self how corrupt people are I catch kids on my street shooting cats with pellet guns because children are so worth having if you want to be irritated, bored and stuck with a law suit.

Because I'm dissapointed in us humans as a species I'm somehow supposed to be avoided? Because I don't want my reproductive organs anymore I'm crazy and dont deserve a man that makes me even remotely happy? All because I've been parenting my whole damn life I should do it in my spare time too?

Well, for the 4 of you that made it clear that you believe the professor should leave me you just agreed; that the scientists that are ashamed of what we've done to our planet should be ignored and paied no mind reguardles of the fact global warming is changing our climate; transexuals, weather post or pre-op should die alone because the dission to "better themselfs" or finally be happy is just to weird for the rest of us to handle and is WRONG(!!!), they dont deserve to be happy because they were born with a set of genitals they didn't want. ONCE I'M DONE TEACHING MY SISTER HOW TO DRIVE AND SHE GRADUATES COLLEGE I DONT WANT TO HAVE TO DO THIS SHIT FOR A FOURTH TIME GOT IT.

Should 5 lines and 9 sentences really make the proffesor reconsider his choice in me as a mate? I guess so, because honesty apparently makes you wrong?

Maybe I should be single, alot of the worlds brighest minds are... many of those NEVER had any children.

Thanks the 4 of you... The professor deserves to be happy right... One of you might want to tell him I'm considering leaving him first. Run along you 4, wreak havoc, hell 4 people just cant be wrong all at once...

I find it hilarous that someone who wants both sets of genitals is more normal/accepted than me. I just dont want to use mine and people run off and tell my BF to leave me before we get serious like he and I havent talked about it, like I'm some sort of freak for being dissapointed in people... Great job proving me right... Fucking idiots... *sighs*

I'm tired and I sort of hate everything as of late. I have no choice but to be annoying and cryptic and I'm too distrought to even spell or dare spelling.

I'm just dissapointed in people in general... If you havent done anything dont worry about it.

Furries, normal people, teenagers, adults... The whole lot of "us" are corrupt (and annoying). Even I know I'm agressive, it's for good reason but it's still mean.

I've decided I do not want to be a part of the continuation of our species.

I'm getting fixed.

So Silver and I had one hell of a night... 50 sleepless hours and a fuck ton of phone calls later and NO ONE wanted to help us. Out of all the people that called we got all of 3 calls back...

I'm very mad at one of you.

Silver doesnt get out often and doesn't hang out that often due to his parents. No need to decide against helping a friend because theey happen to have shitty parents.

Silver, honey, if you ever get the internet back and get a chance to see this I'm sorry I couldn't do more and I'm sorry about those that DECIDED helping wasn't worth the time. I know you're soft and going to give in to your folks but try not to.

I'm tired of seeing you on a foot long leash...

You people know who you are and I do see you differently for your actions. The 3 people that did reply get a free 1-5$ badge if not one of each.

Well I have 6 sonas or so... Was wondering if I should show them off here or just make them they're own accounts....

Finished

Cup Kayke
Sagashi
Amari Wattara (AKA Silver Samura)

Still being worked on

Kiba
Nameless (Not sure what to call it yet ^-^)
Fasah

Just an update on what I'm up to since I've stopped commissons. Working on badges again for the San Jose area but got all of 1 request because I'm not so good at advertizing. Hehe.

So I was wondering what my new Icon should be... Suggestions anyone? Been feeling pretty emo like the usual so keep that in mind whit the choices.


Please excuse my spelling K thnx

Any squeezle, I'm late on alot of art work... I mean ALOT. I just havent been in the mood to anything... like... at all. I'm not sad or anything I'm just sort of "Mleh" not bad, not good b ut not quite enough motive to chage the channel between commercials.


So sheres a list of people I owe art (that I know of, in order)

Proff McDog
Pi-Rat
Hidden in the show
Girly Boi
Lady Wolfie
And Proff McDog again.

I'm still on the first one in this list >...<

But!!! I am getting your birthday squiggles done Mc Dog.


Thanks to the lot that actually read my posts, it's greatly appriciated.

So I'm all happy and junk and my e-peen has been well rubbed and, and, I totaly got to like nerd rage at someone lately! He's angry about nothing and he started it. I'm not generally one to start fights but I'm stab a mug if they get too close.


So some of the folks I'm watching made a rude comment, I replied and he raged at me for something that doesnt matter. I apparently lied to someone about my personal thoughts of suicide and that makes me a bad person. You all know I'm alittle bit on the crazy side especially that I dont see death as a punishment but as a form of self liberation. If I told the person the truth she would have killed herself. I told her I talk about my feelings and in the end that helped her talk to someone that could actually HELP HER.

Ahh oh well, Masque has officially been called out and deserves a Darvin award. *rolls eyes and lols at the dumb animal rage*

So I got to stay with Eric for almost a full 3 weeks. It deffinatly made up for not getting there on valentines ^-^

Well besides this can actually be dragged into a small claims court....


Bart still has no life and is still watching me... Alas I know he's not stupid enough to read these so prepare for really oddly titled journals...

OOH!! And maybe some gory art. I've been looking to draw more bloody pics...

And I totally have to post this too!!!

"It would have been nice to have sex with a woman that loves me. I know how hard it is to go with out sex, it has been about a month for me and it's been eating me alive on the inside. I honestly feel for you bro, how long has it been august? You sit's alone... at home... With you dick in hand and furry porn on your screen... Nothing say's lonely like some left hand shame and the emptyness of getting cheated on. You see the two of us can play the mean card but my GIRLFRIEND is much better at it and she loves me more than enough to help make me look like the dreaded being she is on the inside. And karma? It could be worse... I could be single for valentines. I'm just not getting sex. LOL! If I really wanted to troll I'd use on of my alts and spam you got cheated on but I'm more man than asshole... I have a soul... Using my inability to get sex is more sad on your part... Got nothing better than that? Thought so."

Thanks proffesor <3 I love you too. You're not just a booty call. And again, uber sorry for not handling public transit well. The last thing we need is me stabbing soeone in public.


I've decided bart is a fan boy for my girlcock (ego) and he feeds my Epeen well.

Lol, so the one time something bad finally happens to the proffesor they call it karma!!

If karma was REALLY going to get the proffessor I'd he hit by a speeding semi, his house in San Jose would catch fire and his mom would die inside.


THAT would be payback for all the crap he's done to folks! But, alas he's still good, I'm safe, his house is still in one piece and bart is still lonely for valentines day. Oh, and his mom usn't dead...

I dont hate on the folks that are single for valentines day. I lol at the folks that deserve it!

So alot of you have seen my Icon (or so I hope you can see me O.o) and I'm making me a new garchomp one!!! I might be making a few in the next week or so. I'm bored need some ideas and only taking 2 requests. Have at it!!!


And yes Proffessor you have the first slot that's why I'm only doing 2.

So we have a new ass hole colled Mr. Man who things he's so hard core by telling my my art sucks balls. Funny part is he has nothing up so it's probably one of Puppy wolfs retards or himself. It's pretty funny actually. I havent been on since I started playing vindictus.


I found it funny someone went out their way to troll me. It means They're hating and the more they hate the better it must mean I really am. Only the jelous hate hehe.