FA+
Shop
I know you'll never read this... I just wish you would...
Posted 11 years agoI know you'll never read this. You have a hatred that burns hotter than hell for me.
But I can't help but continue to try, even now years after I thought it was over... I just want to help you.
Help you to open your eyes.
I am in no way being disrespectful towards you with this, I just want to make that clear.
Yes, you are correct, there were many things I did wrong in our relationship, things I wish I could take back.
but I was young and stupid as hell... and what happened yesterday happened, there is no changing it.
no sense in dwelling on the past when there is nothing you can do to change it. something I've always lived by... just promise me IF by the grace of god you do read below, that you will take some serious time to think about what it says.
Say all you want about what I did.
Go right ahead and call me a narcissist.
Because that part is true.
In my head, life does revolve around me.
That much will never change.
But I have good reason for that.
there is a lesson to be learned here.
possibly the greatest lesson that you can ever learn in life.
It's time to take a look at reality.
lets stop living in the world you created in your head
and take a look at the real picture of what happened.
lets not block out all the things you want to block
lets unlock ALL the memories and inspect each one in great detail.
now, looking back and remembering EVERYTHING, tell me you weren't controlling.
tell me you never threatened suicide if I ever left you.
tell me you never threatened to kill me.
tell me you never inflicted self harm upon yourself because I forgot to say "Good Night"
tell me you never told me it was MY fault that you physically hurt yourself
when all I did was care for you and BEG you to stop
tell me you never physically lashed out at me, as I stood and took it in full.
The list could go on for days...
I don't think you can tell me that you NEVER did any of the above.
now why did you choose to forget these moments.
perhaps you didn't forget them at all... perhaps you've just changed them.
Changed them to fit your needs.
why? because I was not your enemy in these memories.
you can spin the memories around all you want.
Go ahead, warp them so far out of proportion that you can finally convince yourself,
that I was at fault.
I used to do the same thing. I used to do it to everybody.
but the truth is still there, and the worst part is, you know it.
someone once told me, "you are the only one making your own life hard"
and I used to blame everything on everyone except one person.
The person I saw in the mirror.
once you finally come to terms with the truth.
stop blaming others and warping the truth of matters.
you too will one day realize that your own worst enemy,
the person that causes you the most drama,
the most grief,
the most pain,
the most anxiety,
the most fear...
the true monster in the shadows that nobody ever seems to see...
is themselves. It's you that hurts you the most.
and until you accept that knowledge,
I truly feel for you in the most sympathetic of ways.
because I know, possibly better than anyone.
That nobody can save you from yourself.
I know you have found someone else.
someone that will take care of you.
and I'm so proud of you. you picked up and carried on.
you started over, you found out you can love again.
I wish you two the best of luck, truly I am so happy for you.
I hold no grudges, I point no fingers. I just hope you have better luck with whoever you're with now. the four years we had were great, try not to forget all the good memories. and try not to forget/change all the memories. there is a lot to learn from the past. the real past, not the one you convince yourself of.
the intended recipient of this vent has me blocked so its honestly pointless for me to even write all this... but I guess it makes me feel a bit better inside getting it out there and convincing myself that there is a chance that you will read it...
But I can't help but continue to try, even now years after I thought it was over... I just want to help you.
Help you to open your eyes.
I am in no way being disrespectful towards you with this, I just want to make that clear.
Yes, you are correct, there were many things I did wrong in our relationship, things I wish I could take back.
but I was young and stupid as hell... and what happened yesterday happened, there is no changing it.
no sense in dwelling on the past when there is nothing you can do to change it. something I've always lived by... just promise me IF by the grace of god you do read below, that you will take some serious time to think about what it says.
Say all you want about what I did.
Go right ahead and call me a narcissist.
Because that part is true.
In my head, life does revolve around me.
That much will never change.
But I have good reason for that.
there is a lesson to be learned here.
possibly the greatest lesson that you can ever learn in life.
It's time to take a look at reality.
lets stop living in the world you created in your head
and take a look at the real picture of what happened.
lets not block out all the things you want to block
lets unlock ALL the memories and inspect each one in great detail.
now, looking back and remembering EVERYTHING, tell me you weren't controlling.
tell me you never threatened suicide if I ever left you.
tell me you never threatened to kill me.
tell me you never inflicted self harm upon yourself because I forgot to say "Good Night"
tell me you never told me it was MY fault that you physically hurt yourself
when all I did was care for you and BEG you to stop
tell me you never physically lashed out at me, as I stood and took it in full.
The list could go on for days...
I don't think you can tell me that you NEVER did any of the above.
now why did you choose to forget these moments.
perhaps you didn't forget them at all... perhaps you've just changed them.
Changed them to fit your needs.
why? because I was not your enemy in these memories.
you can spin the memories around all you want.
Go ahead, warp them so far out of proportion that you can finally convince yourself,
that I was at fault.
I used to do the same thing. I used to do it to everybody.
but the truth is still there, and the worst part is, you know it.
someone once told me, "you are the only one making your own life hard"
and I used to blame everything on everyone except one person.
The person I saw in the mirror.
once you finally come to terms with the truth.
stop blaming others and warping the truth of matters.
you too will one day realize that your own worst enemy,
the person that causes you the most drama,
the most grief,
the most pain,
the most anxiety,
the most fear...
the true monster in the shadows that nobody ever seems to see...
is themselves. It's you that hurts you the most.
and until you accept that knowledge,
I truly feel for you in the most sympathetic of ways.
because I know, possibly better than anyone.
That nobody can save you from yourself.
I know you have found someone else.
someone that will take care of you.
and I'm so proud of you. you picked up and carried on.
you started over, you found out you can love again.
I wish you two the best of luck, truly I am so happy for you.
I hold no grudges, I point no fingers. I just hope you have better luck with whoever you're with now. the four years we had were great, try not to forget all the good memories. and try not to forget/change all the memories. there is a lot to learn from the past. the real past, not the one you convince yourself of.
the intended recipient of this vent has me blocked so its honestly pointless for me to even write all this... but I guess it makes me feel a bit better inside getting it out there and convincing myself that there is a chance that you will read it...
Merry Christmas from Germany
Posted 12 years agoit's just a little past midnight on Christmas day here in Germany... my first Christmas away from home and family... I'm celebrating here with my new family, my brothers in arms that don't have the luxury of going home to see family this year either...
I just want to wish everyone that reads this, have a very merry Christmas and stay safe.
I just want to wish everyone that reads this, have a very merry Christmas and stay safe.
Weird shit has been going on with my dreaming
Posted 12 years agook... this is a long story, so it would probably be best for me to start from the beginning...
For many years now I have been performing the art of Lucid Dreaming... for those of you who do not know what that is, it is being able to understand that you are dreaming and you can take control of your dream and when you do, you can do anything your imagination wants... problem with it is, once you start, you can't really stop.
another downside to lucid dreaming is that when you wake up you get sleep paralysis, sleep paralysis is when you wake up, you can't move and you see "hallucinations" of very terrifying things around you and you can not move or scream or anything, you're forced to just watch, it's REALLY scary.
over time I began to love lucid dreaming, I now consider myself an expert at it... I developed several alternate realities that I used to use to "get away" from my current real world, lucid dreaming is honestly the major thing that helped me get through basic training... In the dream world I have the powers of a god, I mean, who wouldn't want that right??... I can turn a 15 min nap into a day of absolute adventure... so as I did it more and more, I eventually slowed down how often I woke up with sleep paralysis, now I only get sleep paralysis about once every 100 times I lucid dream... however when I do manage to get sleep paralysis, the things I see... not even the darkest parts of your imagination can come close to what I see...
over time as I have now become a master of the sort with lucid dreaming I started to tamper with it, I have tested many different things in the dream world and all have worked so far... one day I wondered if it were possible to fall asleep in a lucid dream... it worked... then I wondered if I could lucid dream another dream while I was in a lucid dream... It worked... so then I started tampering with inception... and to be honest to this day sometimes I still wake up and have some difficulty at first with knowing if I'm in a dream world or reality lol...
anyways, my lucid dreaming and inception adventures and testing was all going well, and I had a complete grasp on the art of it... until I moved into my new room here in Germany...
now this part of the story leads me into the room next to ours... I have been told that nobody has lived in the room next to us for many many years, it is supposedly haunted. me and my roommate laughed at that figuring that it's probably just a joke used to scare us new soldiers... well I'm 100% sure that there is something wrong with that room now. over the time that we have been here me and my roommate have witnessed many strange and bizarre things happen with that room next door to us... we hear things from that room all the time, there is a door in our bathroom that leads to that room, because two rooms share a bathroom in our barracks, well you can see under that door whether a light is on in the room next to you, and we often see a light on and often we see it off, keep in mind NOBODY lives or has lived next door for years... one night me and my roommate were watching TV and we heard a noise from the bathroom, so we opened our bathroom door to look inside, inside was the door leading to the other room wide open (we always keep it shut) ... well we shut it and locked it from our side so it is physically IMPOSSIBLE to open that door from the other side now... we went back to watching TV and heard a loud BANG, we ran to the bathroom and looked in to see the door that we had shut and locked wide open again... we shut and locked it then shut and locked our own from our side... I have been in the room a few times alone before, and there are certain times that you just get this AWFUL stench that you smell, but you only get about one wiff of it and then its gone... there are other stories I could tell you, but those are just some of what I have right now...
anyways back to my dreaming... ever since about the 3rd night that I have slept here, I now no longer have absolute power over my dreams... I still have god like powers, but my dreams have started to almost make there own decisions and sometimes make changes in them that I didn't want... at first I didn't pay any mind to it... until they started getting really crazy transitioning like one day I was fighting a dragon with my super human abilities, and the next I was in a scary movie setting with a scary ass house in front of me, to which I just set up my previous dream back into motion, but I was very puzzled as to how that kind of abrupt transition happened, because making a transition like that in the dream world is NOT easy, even for someone like me who has been doing it for a LONG time, so I knew it couldn't have been my self conscious "accidentally" doing it because it would have required a lot of my attention to make that happen... then I got the first of my 3 sleep paralysis's here... I awoke in my bed, and saw a man standing by the corner of my portion of the room, now most people would think that this is scary, but compared to what I normally see when I get sleep paralysis, this was nothing, and because it wasn't anything as bad as I was used to, I was scared shitless, the man just watched me, didn't move toward me or anything, then It ended and I could move... things like this have continued to happen since then, I have had 2 more episodes of sleep paralysis, each one about the same. In the second one the same man was sitting on the foot of my bed crying, and in the last one I had I saw the man again, only he was fighting with a dark beast like creature, which he won the fight with by the way, and then he stood watching me again, and then I woke up...
the events that have been happening have really got me worried, and I don't really want to tell anybody because I'm afraid that they will think I'm crazy, and with my occupation, I could easily lose my job by telling someone this crazy ass story,so because I know pretty much NOBODY will take the time to read this here, I feel that I'm safe posting it haha, I just had to get this off my brain by posting about it somewhere...
for those of you who actually do take the time to read this whole thing... any ideas of feedback would be helpful, or if you choose to think I'm just coo coo then that works too I guess lol
For many years now I have been performing the art of Lucid Dreaming... for those of you who do not know what that is, it is being able to understand that you are dreaming and you can take control of your dream and when you do, you can do anything your imagination wants... problem with it is, once you start, you can't really stop.
another downside to lucid dreaming is that when you wake up you get sleep paralysis, sleep paralysis is when you wake up, you can't move and you see "hallucinations" of very terrifying things around you and you can not move or scream or anything, you're forced to just watch, it's REALLY scary.
over time I began to love lucid dreaming, I now consider myself an expert at it... I developed several alternate realities that I used to use to "get away" from my current real world, lucid dreaming is honestly the major thing that helped me get through basic training... In the dream world I have the powers of a god, I mean, who wouldn't want that right??... I can turn a 15 min nap into a day of absolute adventure... so as I did it more and more, I eventually slowed down how often I woke up with sleep paralysis, now I only get sleep paralysis about once every 100 times I lucid dream... however when I do manage to get sleep paralysis, the things I see... not even the darkest parts of your imagination can come close to what I see...
over time as I have now become a master of the sort with lucid dreaming I started to tamper with it, I have tested many different things in the dream world and all have worked so far... one day I wondered if it were possible to fall asleep in a lucid dream... it worked... then I wondered if I could lucid dream another dream while I was in a lucid dream... It worked... so then I started tampering with inception... and to be honest to this day sometimes I still wake up and have some difficulty at first with knowing if I'm in a dream world or reality lol...
anyways, my lucid dreaming and inception adventures and testing was all going well, and I had a complete grasp on the art of it... until I moved into my new room here in Germany...
now this part of the story leads me into the room next to ours... I have been told that nobody has lived in the room next to us for many many years, it is supposedly haunted. me and my roommate laughed at that figuring that it's probably just a joke used to scare us new soldiers... well I'm 100% sure that there is something wrong with that room now. over the time that we have been here me and my roommate have witnessed many strange and bizarre things happen with that room next door to us... we hear things from that room all the time, there is a door in our bathroom that leads to that room, because two rooms share a bathroom in our barracks, well you can see under that door whether a light is on in the room next to you, and we often see a light on and often we see it off, keep in mind NOBODY lives or has lived next door for years... one night me and my roommate were watching TV and we heard a noise from the bathroom, so we opened our bathroom door to look inside, inside was the door leading to the other room wide open (we always keep it shut) ... well we shut it and locked it from our side so it is physically IMPOSSIBLE to open that door from the other side now... we went back to watching TV and heard a loud BANG, we ran to the bathroom and looked in to see the door that we had shut and locked wide open again... we shut and locked it then shut and locked our own from our side... I have been in the room a few times alone before, and there are certain times that you just get this AWFUL stench that you smell, but you only get about one wiff of it and then its gone... there are other stories I could tell you, but those are just some of what I have right now...
anyways back to my dreaming... ever since about the 3rd night that I have slept here, I now no longer have absolute power over my dreams... I still have god like powers, but my dreams have started to almost make there own decisions and sometimes make changes in them that I didn't want... at first I didn't pay any mind to it... until they started getting really crazy transitioning like one day I was fighting a dragon with my super human abilities, and the next I was in a scary movie setting with a scary ass house in front of me, to which I just set up my previous dream back into motion, but I was very puzzled as to how that kind of abrupt transition happened, because making a transition like that in the dream world is NOT easy, even for someone like me who has been doing it for a LONG time, so I knew it couldn't have been my self conscious "accidentally" doing it because it would have required a lot of my attention to make that happen... then I got the first of my 3 sleep paralysis's here... I awoke in my bed, and saw a man standing by the corner of my portion of the room, now most people would think that this is scary, but compared to what I normally see when I get sleep paralysis, this was nothing, and because it wasn't anything as bad as I was used to, I was scared shitless, the man just watched me, didn't move toward me or anything, then It ended and I could move... things like this have continued to happen since then, I have had 2 more episodes of sleep paralysis, each one about the same. In the second one the same man was sitting on the foot of my bed crying, and in the last one I had I saw the man again, only he was fighting with a dark beast like creature, which he won the fight with by the way, and then he stood watching me again, and then I woke up...
the events that have been happening have really got me worried, and I don't really want to tell anybody because I'm afraid that they will think I'm crazy, and with my occupation, I could easily lose my job by telling someone this crazy ass story,so because I know pretty much NOBODY will take the time to read this here, I feel that I'm safe posting it haha, I just had to get this off my brain by posting about it somewhere...
for those of you who actually do take the time to read this whole thing... any ideas of feedback would be helpful, or if you choose to think I'm just coo coo then that works too I guess lol
NEW DUTY STATION (ARMY)
Posted 12 years agoSo I got my orders yesterday for where I'm getting stationed next... And all I can say is.... Wait for it... Wait for it.... GERMANY HERE I COME BABY!!!!!!
Memories flooded back after performing again today...
Posted 12 years agoSo I walked into a music store today and saw the owner playing sax (he wasn't too good) and I made a remark telling him which key to shift to and he asked if I played... I told him I used to play every now and again... He offered to let me play if I wanted... I hadn't even touched a saxophone for about 9 months... Next thing I know I've got an entire crowd of about 20-30 airforce and army guys standing outside the store watching me go to town on this beat up saxophone... It brought back a lot of lost memories and feelings, feelings I thought I lost during basic training... It reminded me of someone that used to mean the world to me... Now the battalion commander has requested that I perform with the chapel band every Sunday before the church service :/
Idk though... I quit for a reason... I quit to try to put away memories of a time I don't want to remember... What are your opinions? Should I take the gig and get back into playing? Or turn it down and pretend I never touched that instrument again?
Idk though... I quit for a reason... I quit to try to put away memories of a time I don't want to remember... What are your opinions? Should I take the gig and get back into playing? Or turn it down and pretend I never touched that instrument again?
IM A SOLDIER NOW!!!
Posted 12 years agoOfficially a United States soldier now... finished with combat training, now off to AIT in Texas to learn how to be a hacker... I've got 2 brothers back home who know I'd die to save their lives, and I also have 209 brothers that just shipped outta MO that I'd do the same for. HOOAH!!!
Going back to Hell
Posted 13 years agoWell... my holiday leave was great!
but now I have to go back to hell for another 4 weeks :'(
gonna REALLY miss all my family and friends a lot .... I won't be back to see any of them again for 7 months :'(
I guess that's all part of growing up... leaving everything I once knew behind and starting my own life...
anyways, heading back to Fort Leonard Wood MO to wrap up whats left of my basic training and then off to Texas for 6 months of AIT... wish me luck guys as I finish my journey to becoming a United States Soldier! HOOAH!!
but now I have to go back to hell for another 4 weeks :'(
gonna REALLY miss all my family and friends a lot .... I won't be back to see any of them again for 7 months :'(
I guess that's all part of growing up... leaving everything I once knew behind and starting my own life...
anyways, heading back to Fort Leonard Wood MO to wrap up whats left of my basic training and then off to Texas for 6 months of AIT... wish me luck guys as I finish my journey to becoming a United States Soldier! HOOAH!!
No Subject
Posted 13 years agoGuess who's back :P
Posted 13 years agoYep I'm over half way done with basic training already and I'm home for the holidays!!! :D
so Happy Holidays everybody! I hope you all get time to spend with your loved ones on this joyous time of the year!
so Happy Holidays everybody! I hope you all get time to spend with your loved ones on this joyous time of the year!
Leaving for a good long time for Army
Posted 13 years agoThis is probably my last time online and my last journal/post for a long time :(
I'm leaving for basic training tomorrow, wish me luck guys... I'll need it.
but I do feel ready for whats ahead of me in my life... I've prepared myself all summer for this, so I think I'll be fine :)
anywho, I MAY be able to get on around Christmas from my phone so that'll be the next time I'm on, but until then... goodbye everybody :(
I'm leaving for basic training tomorrow, wish me luck guys... I'll need it.
but I do feel ready for whats ahead of me in my life... I've prepared myself all summer for this, so I think I'll be fine :)
anywho, I MAY be able to get on around Christmas from my phone so that'll be the next time I'm on, but until then... goodbye everybody :(
Last week before basics
Posted 13 years agoWell... the countdown begins.
This is my last week before I leave.
This time next week I'll be in Fort Leonard Wood Missouri for basic training.
Doing all my last minute goodbyes to friends and family this week.
I'm gonna miss everybody:'(
I thought this would be so much easier than it has turned out to be... I realise now that I love my family so much... I said goodbye to my grandparents for the last time for a long time, won't see them again for another year... I bawled when I got home... this is going to be much harder for me to say goodbye to everyone than I thought:'(
This is my last week before I leave.
This time next week I'll be in Fort Leonard Wood Missouri for basic training.
Doing all my last minute goodbyes to friends and family this week.
I'm gonna miss everybody:'(
I thought this would be so much easier than it has turned out to be... I realise now that I love my family so much... I said goodbye to my grandparents for the last time for a long time, won't see them again for another year... I bawled when I got home... this is going to be much harder for me to say goodbye to everyone than I thought:'(
Car crash
Posted 13 years agoSo I was in a car crash :(
I was driving, doing under the sPeed limit and came around a turn and hit a big random puddle of oil on the road. My car then proceeded to spin out and drift sideways down the hill until it crashed into a rock wall :(
Luckily, only the Front bumper, and the fog lights took any damage as far as I can tell, I'm having it looked at on Sunday. I also walked away from the incident without even a scratch. So I'm looking at probably a $400 repair bill to replace my front bumper and fog lights, and then, I Plan on selling it haha... I guess you could say I'm lucky, but if I truley was lucky, It never would have happened in the first place, I guess I'm not lucky that this shit tends to happen to me, but I am lucky that it never ends in a very terrible way :/
I was driving, doing under the sPeed limit and came around a turn and hit a big random puddle of oil on the road. My car then proceeded to spin out and drift sideways down the hill until it crashed into a rock wall :(
Luckily, only the Front bumper, and the fog lights took any damage as far as I can tell, I'm having it looked at on Sunday. I also walked away from the incident without even a scratch. So I'm looking at probably a $400 repair bill to replace my front bumper and fog lights, and then, I Plan on selling it haha... I guess you could say I'm lucky, but if I truley was lucky, It never would have happened in the first place, I guess I'm not lucky that this shit tends to happen to me, but I am lucky that it never ends in a very terrible way :/
Dog died
Posted 13 years agoToday we had to put down my 8 year old Great Dane Maize.
It's truly a sad day for me and my family.
It's never easy giving up a family member.
Your memories in this family will live on little sister.
It's truly a sad day for me and my family.
It's never easy giving up a family member.
Your memories in this family will live on little sister.
Recording studio wants me!??!
Posted 13 years agoSo me and my band performed at a school coffee house about 3 months ago and it was a pretty amazing performance to say the least :)
Now, 3 months later a recording has been finished of our one song we Played ... I've heard it and still can't get over the fact that it's us, it sounds like professionals lol...
Anywho, a recording artist who happens to be the co-founder of a production company has asked my one friend who plays alto sax in our group if he would like to bring the band in to record sometime!!
I plan on uploading our one song here soon for people to drop a listen and supply some feedback :)
Now comes the bad news... I signed for the army a few weeks after that performance :(
Meaning IF we were to somehow hit it big in the next few months ... I wouldn't be able to move forward with the band, and since there is only 3 of us, it would cripple, possibly destroy whatever chances we'd have :'(
But I'll still try to get that recording uP and I'll also post any other future recordings we do:)
Now, 3 months later a recording has been finished of our one song we Played ... I've heard it and still can't get over the fact that it's us, it sounds like professionals lol...
Anywho, a recording artist who happens to be the co-founder of a production company has asked my one friend who plays alto sax in our group if he would like to bring the band in to record sometime!!
I plan on uploading our one song here soon for people to drop a listen and supply some feedback :)
Now comes the bad news... I signed for the army a few weeks after that performance :(
Meaning IF we were to somehow hit it big in the next few months ... I wouldn't be able to move forward with the band, and since there is only 3 of us, it would cripple, possibly destroy whatever chances we'd have :'(
But I'll still try to get that recording uP and I'll also post any other future recordings we do:)
Operation super car
Posted 13 years agoSo I decided that I'm going to try to keep the first car I ever got in my life for as long as I can. This car has given me more headaches than you can imagine. Its a 2001 ford focus ZX3 sports model. I recently decided to supe it up like those kit cars. My first and probably most expensive part is now done (the engine). It had some minor Illegal work done on it and it now has a race car engine in it. With some work other racing modifications as well... Lets just say, that it is fun as hell to do 0-60 mph in a little less than 5 seconds.
I plan on doing MUCH MUCH more to it after I get out of basics though, such as replace the bumpers with black bumpers and replace the two doors with Lamborghini doors that fold up, also I plan on putting a Bose stereo in it with LED interior lights that flash to the beat of whatever song is playing.
So yea... That's the plan in action, wish me luck guys :)
I plan on doing MUCH MUCH more to it after I get out of basics though, such as replace the bumpers with black bumpers and replace the two doors with Lamborghini doors that fold up, also I plan on putting a Bose stereo in it with LED interior lights that flash to the beat of whatever song is playing.
So yea... That's the plan in action, wish me luck guys :)
Graduation
Posted 13 years agoSo... I had my graduation!
I'm officially an adult citizen of the world now :)
Actually I'm not really a civilian since I'm in the army now, but oh well :/
I'm officially an adult citizen of the world now :)
Actually I'm not really a civilian since I'm in the army now, but oh well :/
Army Band
Posted 13 years agoso I had an audition for the United States Army Band on Thursday... the audition is designed to make it impossible for a high school student to pass. in fact, it hasn't been done for over two years by a saxophonist anyways. until now that is... yes, I passed the audition with a score of 24, the average college student with a master degree in music performance scores about a 26, so I'm not too far off rofl... now I just wait for a phone call to let me know whether there are any openings for me to go into a band, I'll find out on Monday, the suspense is killing me though :(
The guy who I was auditioning for is a staff sergeant who has been in the band for 12 years and has a college degree in music performance, he said he was Extremely surprised by my talent, he said I'm doing things that he is just now learning to do himself, he said that in about 3-4 years, I'm going to be a "fricken Monster" on saxophone and I can probably hold my own right now in the combo improv groups of the "older cats" and learn off of them. so I'm pretty hyped about all of this right now as you can probably tell considering they only take one saxophone player from the entire country every couple of months... so yea... wish me luck guys :D
The guy who I was auditioning for is a staff sergeant who has been in the band for 12 years and has a college degree in music performance, he said he was Extremely surprised by my talent, he said I'm doing things that he is just now learning to do himself, he said that in about 3-4 years, I'm going to be a "fricken Monster" on saxophone and I can probably hold my own right now in the combo improv groups of the "older cats" and learn off of them. so I'm pretty hyped about all of this right now as you can probably tell considering they only take one saxophone player from the entire country every couple of months... so yea... wish me luck guys :D
Our intro to improvisation group at school
Posted 13 years agoso this is our school's Sunrise jazz combo group :)
Me and my best friend Sean (the first alto soloist) decided to join this group to help them out, and you'll understand why they need help (trumpet solos). We also just joined to play cause it's what we love to do :)
Ok, I'm going to try to name off the soloists.
1.) Sean - Alto Sax (my best friend)
2.) Abe - Alto sax (my student who I give private lessons to)
3.) Matt - Tenor sax (me)
4.) Adolfo - Trumpet
5.) Andrew - Trumpet (my other good friend, he's only been playing for 4 months and this was his first time ever improvising a solo for trumpet, the kids got natural talent on trumpet in concert atmosphere)
6.) Jordan - Trumpet
Sorry my solo sucked, I was tired out from playing non stop for 2 hours and 30 mins of jazz prior to my solo lol... in my own defense tenor is not my main instrument and switching to it's key for improv doesn't come easy to me yet XD
Me and my best friend Sean (the first alto soloist) decided to join this group to help them out, and you'll understand why they need help (trumpet solos). We also just joined to play cause it's what we love to do :)
Ok, I'm going to try to name off the soloists.
1.) Sean - Alto Sax (my best friend)
2.) Abe - Alto sax (my student who I give private lessons to)
3.) Matt - Tenor sax (me)
4.) Adolfo - Trumpet
5.) Andrew - Trumpet (my other good friend, he's only been playing for 4 months and this was his first time ever improvising a solo for trumpet, the kids got natural talent on trumpet in concert atmosphere)
6.) Jordan - Trumpet
Sorry my solo sucked, I was tired out from playing non stop for 2 hours and 30 mins of jazz prior to my solo lol... in my own defense tenor is not my main instrument and switching to it's key for improv doesn't come easy to me yet XD
HELP ME I HAS QUESTION!!!!
Posted 13 years agoHow do you post videos on here without just posting a URL for people to click on to get to go to YouTube??!?
I REALLY want to post some videos of me performing with different groups ... But I have no idea how or even if you can post videos, any help would be greatly appreciated :)
I REALLY want to post some videos of me performing with different groups ... But I have no idea how or even if you can post videos, any help would be greatly appreciated :)
My personal views and thoughts :)
Posted 13 years agoDon't like gay marriage?
- don't get one.
Don't like abortions?
- don't have one.
don't like drugs?
- don't do them.
Don't like sex?
- don't have it.
Don't like your rights taken away?
- don't take away anyone else's.
Yea … I'm kind of a liberal haha :P
- don't get one.
Don't like abortions?
- don't have one.
don't like drugs?
- don't do them.
Don't like sex?
- don't have it.
Don't like your rights taken away?
- don't take away anyone else's.
Yea … I'm kind of a liberal haha :P
Band and music :)
Posted 13 years agoWell ... So far this year I have made district band and district jazz band :D
Regional concert band was a long story and in short, I should have been selected because I had the highest score in the district but was cheated out of regionals :(
On a brighter note, All-State Jazz Band is still to be determined and I'm praying and wishing with all my heart that I am selected for it because if I am, I'll be able to say I'm the best in the state :D
Regional concert band was a long story and in short, I should have been selected because I had the highest score in the district but was cheated out of regionals :(
On a brighter note, All-State Jazz Band is still to be determined and I'm praying and wishing with all my heart that I am selected for it because if I am, I'll be able to say I'm the best in the state :D
NEW COMPUTER!!!
Posted 14 years agoSo I've been pretty down latley, but things are slowly getting better... on a very bright side, I just got my brand new computer today!!! :)
It's like a super computer, I designed it myself from HP, it has absolutley everything at the best that I could possibly have put in it, it's a fully suped up gaming laptop :)
also now that I has a computer again I can actually get on more often rather than get on from my phone all the time, which gets a little boring cause its slow and has a small screen :(
but now with my new computer, I can get on fast and enjoy looking at the arts with a much larget HD screen :)
It's like a super computer, I designed it myself from HP, it has absolutley everything at the best that I could possibly have put in it, it's a fully suped up gaming laptop :)
also now that I has a computer again I can actually get on more often rather than get on from my phone all the time, which gets a little boring cause its slow and has a small screen :(
but now with my new computer, I can get on fast and enjoy looking at the arts with a much larget HD screen :)
sad
Posted 14 years agoBeen feeling down and depressed lately
No reason for it either really, just keep being haunted with old memories and realizations how much things are changing...
Also sorry for the lack of being on and submitting stuff, been doing a lot of practice with music lately, made first out of 22 at districts and I'm waiting to find out if I've made state jazz or not so yea, been really busy with a lot on my mind now :'(
No reason for it either really, just keep being haunted with old memories and realizations how much things are changing...
Also sorry for the lack of being on and submitting stuff, been doing a lot of practice with music lately, made first out of 22 at districts and I'm waiting to find out if I've made state jazz or not so yea, been really busy with a lot on my mind now :'(
Lost my Wallet
Posted 14 years agoSo I went to the ice cream parlor last night with some friends and my wallet fell outta my pocket, and I didn't realize till I got home, so I went back to look for it at like 2 in the morning, bur could not find it :(
It had my License, my credit and debit cards, my last pay check, $12 cash, and even my Social security card in it ... so yea, I'm pretty much screwed :'(
Thankfully whoever has it hadn't spent any money from the credit or debit cards last night and I was able to suspend the account as of right now ... im hoping whoever has it will do the right thing and return it :(
It had my License, my credit and debit cards, my last pay check, $12 cash, and even my Social security card in it ... so yea, I'm pretty much screwed :'(
Thankfully whoever has it hadn't spent any money from the credit or debit cards last night and I was able to suspend the account as of right now ... im hoping whoever has it will do the right thing and return it :(
TAG-TEAM
Posted 14 years agoSo we have thought about it, talked about it, and decided.
Me and Dsil, or
HipHopDingo will now be teaming together for most of our stuff to make a tag-team of art/poems :D
I will make poems to her Pictures and she will make pictures to my poems yaaaaaay :)
Me and Dsil, or
HipHopDingo will now be teaming together for most of our stuff to make a tag-team of art/poems :DI will make poems to her Pictures and she will make pictures to my poems yaaaaaay :)
