BALL



Y U NO GO WHERE I WANT?

Just in case any of you happened to actually read the previous journal.

It's been a pretty rough day for me mentally, running through my head all of these scenarios of what might potentially come of the crash I was involved with yesterday. I couldn't help but picture myself in a courtroom, either just trying to state my case in some sort of lawsuit or, worst-case scenario, facing down the death of an unborn child.

I went to the police station after work today with my mother, hoping to get a copy of the police report that was started yesterday when the accident occurred...and walked in only to find the woman that hit me, already standing at the front desk and talking with the officer there about the exact same thing. She, as it turns out, was totally fine, as was the baby, she was just understandably in some shock when the crash occurred. Her husband showed up (who also arrived at the scene yesterday) and I had a chance to properly identify myself to him too. In the end, nobody was hurt and we all just seemed to be glad that everybody came away from it okay, so hopefully we'll be able to avoid bringing in any further litigation and we can just go on our separate ways without dragging this into a big deal. Part of me still feels naturally-cynical, but I have hope now.

I feel better just knowing that the woman involved is totally fine. I am not a destroyer of families!
(...too bad my car's still crunched. But eh, I can tolerate that compared to worse alternatives.)
-- Maxwell

I was in a car accident on the way home from buying groceries today. Was making a left on a yellow light when it looked like all of the oncoming traffic was slowing to a stop...except for a car I couldn't see coming until I was halfway through the turn and t-boned my rear door. I'm fine, but the right side of my car is crunched...more importantly the girl that got out of the other car happens to be pregnant, and extremely distressed.

She looked fine physically, but with the way airbags and impacts work, it's possible that I may have killed a baby today. My head's all over the place. I have a sense that my life is about to become extremely hectic.

Hopefully your day has gone better,
-- Maxwell

No, I'm not dead art-wise. I have been working on stuff and plan to pick up even moreso soon, but it's for a larger than normal and somewhat-secretive project. I don't know that anybody's actively looking forward to or wondering about when I'll draw more, but there's the answer just in case. You'll see it in due time...

Aside from that, work's been busy which leaves me pretty tired during the week, also slowing my motivation down. Just gotta power through it!
At any rate, be well!
-- Maxwell

This in and of itself is not unusual. There's at least one or two that drive through my apartment area now that it's heating up outside.

...What is strange is the fact that this one's playing the music from Tetris.

I had one of those rare occasions last night where things timed out just right for me to vividly remember some parts of the dreams I was having. The last one of which involved me going to the supermarket to pick up groceries (exciting, right?). Aside from dealing with some of my mom's emotional baggage and a really trollish sushi salesman, I happened to come across a product that I distinctly remember but doesn't exist. It should, though.

Rolo M&M's. That is, M&M's with a little layer of chocolate and a caramel core. Why Mars candy corp. hasn't already made these is beyond me. I feel like I should write them a letter or something, convince them to share this development with the world.

Yep, that's honestly all I had to say in this journal for now.
-- Maxwell

Another late night leading to a tired morning, consecutive busy and contentious days at work, computer problems, and friend drama that's weighing on me more than it perhaps should...

I became very concerned today that my sanity was about to snap in two. So instead of that, I took my rational mind and hid it away so those arrows can't reach it. I won't be the one that hurts people, this way. I think this will be fun! Or terrible. I no longer know or care. :D

It didn't occur to me until I'd been staring at my page for a few minutes that apparently I recently passed 1,000 pageviews. Uh, yay I guess? It doesn't really feel like much of a milestone when other people re putting up ridiculous numbers in comparison, but I suppose that's a function of my productivity.

Speaking of productivity, it might look lately like I haven't had much. That's both...true and not true. I am still working on art, but it's being done somewhat in secret for now and the things I finish aren't going to be posted for a while yet. I have plans in the works, you see, and an announcement to make once all the right pieces are in place.

Fortunately for me,  arklionspaw has been resuming his commissions, and a big stack of pictures I ordered from him are starting to get done. I'll be able to pepper those in here in the coming days to help keep the gallery active. Not sure how much good it does, since I'm sure anybody watching me probably has him or his new account at watched already, but it makes me feel a little better anyway.

For now, though, I'm exhausted and need to get to sleep. Later folks!
-- Maxwell

P.S. Anybody out there in watchland who has a 3DS and a copy of Kid Icarus, hit me up with some numbers. I need to fill out my friends list!

Bullet point style, activaaaate!

- I guess spring must be on the horizon, as after an annoyingly mild winter my "transitional season" cold has finally sprung up in full force. Stuffed, runny nose, overly sensitive skin, general exhaustion and malaise... I'm not in good condition to do much of anything right now, aside from hoping that this goes away sooner rather than later. These things have a way of migrating through me and sticking around for weeks at a time.

- Happy Fat Tuesday everybody! Did you manage to track down a paczki or three? For you vorish types, I hear that a friend, lover, or random hapless prey makes for a great filling for this most caloric of holidays. ;P

- I'm not usually into the whole "giving up things for Lent" process, but I feel like trying a new approach to it this year. In honor of Lent I'm going to give up my self-discouragement, specifically in regard to drawing. No more looking at a work in progress and dwelling over how shitty it looks and questioning whether I should even bother to continue it. I'm gonna try a new, give-no-fucks approach and roll with things as they come, eventually letting the finished products speak for themselves. I think I've been so worried about whether or not I come off looking like a crappy artist that instead I obsess over every little thing and wind up hardly creating anything at all. Hard to improve when I'm hardly doing anything, y'know?

- The "identity crisis" that I mentioned a few journals back is still alive and well, I'm still not exactly sure what the best way is to portray it. Stay tuned, I guess.

- I received a bunch of girl scout cookies today! :3

- If you happen to have a Wii, do yourself and the rest of the world a favor and pick up Rhythm Heaven Fever. Great fun, great art, and it even came out at a budget price so you don't have to throw down 50 bones for it. Nice way to mix up my recent Monster Hunter sessions...I just wish this cold wasn't around so I was actually sharp enough to play it. :\

Uh...That's it for now. My mind is a warzone.
Cheers,
-- Maxwell

Apologies to friends who were looking forward to my usual frolic and irreverence tonight, I don't think I'll be around much. Myself and Dinner from last night are currently experiencing irreconcilable differences, and the divorce was finalized earlier this morning.

Let's put it this way. I've worked at my current job for almost 2 years now, and in that time I have never--NEVER--called in sick or had to leave early, until today. I tried to hang in as long as possible but the discomfort combined with absolute lack of energy was brutal. I'll still be online if needed for anything but...please don't expect a lot.

I hope you're all well,
-- Maxwell

Ark: BUH
Ark: mind
Ark: cannot get brain off of bad subject
MMI: Think of skee-ball
Ark: this is going to be a very unhappy day
MMI: delicious tickets everywhere
MMI: trade them for a panda bear
MMI: Stuffed, of course
MMI: Not with cotton though, oh no
MMI: Its belly filled with yourself and the one you love most
MMI: That and more can be had for mere pence
MMI: From the gaming alley of the grand vore carnival
Ark: The fuq
MMI: When you're finished you can even step out along the boardwalk and watch the sun set
MMI: Before, like the people of the carnival, it is swallowed up
MMI: Not by prize bears or jovial attractioneers though, but by the horizon
MMI: Passed from West to East, who spits it out safely the following morning
MMI: (the same, however, may not necessarily be said of you and the panda bear)
MMI: *Urp*

Just like the title says.

- One of my favorite co-workers left today because he's moving back to Canada. Sad! Another guy is leaving after next week which means we'll probably be shorthanded for a while, so I anticipate some tired nights coming. But, it also provides an important reminder for me.

- Kraken black rum is good. Really good. Probably gonna have some tonight, especially since my whisky glasses sadly did not arrive today like I hoped they would. Props to  arklionspaw for the endorsement! UPDATE UPDATE: The glasses did arrive tonight after all! First time I've ever had someone drop a package off right at my apartment door like that, not sure how he got into the building...

- I have been working on art, it's just...really slow work. I still don't know how well the final product will actually turn out but I'm putting a lot of effort and heart into this, I hope it reflects at least a little bit.

- Also going on this week, I've been undergoing a little identity crisis of sorts. No, not in the literal, "real-life" sense, but related to how I've acted within the vore/furry communities thusfar, what sort of impact I have or haven't made, and how I deal with other people here. Some of this relates to things that I technically am not allowed to talk or think about yet, but contemplations of a fresh start have been on my mind, so that means it goes into the journal. No, the Ingrahams and all of that aren't going anywhere...I'm not sure what, if anything will come of what I'm thinking about lately but it's there. Truthfully there's probably only about 5 people for whom this makes any difference at all so it probably sounds more dramatic than it should.

Anyway...time to figure out something to make for dinner. Have a good weekend y'all.
-- Maxwell

I have a feeling that 2012 is going to be a good year for me. Maybe it's because the world will end, I dunno. I look at it as a year of upgrades for me. I want to improve my attitude, my abilities, my life-situation...my wardrobe, hell even my taste in liquor. 2012 is my personal battle against stagnation, which is something that took more of a hold on me in 2011 than I would have liked.

I'm not somebody that sets actual "new year's resolutions" because those by and large don't seem to work out for the majority of people. But there are still things that I want to accomplish. I hope that holds true for all of you out there, too. Strive to improve something about yourself. Forge new frendships, rekindle ones that have faded. All of us are capable of impressing ourselves.

Raise your glass, whatever it's filled with, and cheers to a new and great year!
*clink!*
-- Maxwell

Tonight.

Boy am I looking forward to it.
-- Maxwell

It hurts like hell when broken, but if given a chance to heal, it rebuilds itself stronger than it was before.

Well, $617 and two lost overtime hours later, I finally have an operable car again. That's nice, I guess. I sort of hoped that this would help me to feel a bit relieved but to be honest I'm not sure it's really helped.

Anyway, I saw this concept in  nasonxian's journal and thought I'd pick up on it. I'll even open the floor to questions, if there's anything people are curious about (bwahaha, yeah right). Can I even think of six things worth posting? I guess we'll see.

1. One way or another, I've become a fan of (American) football. This is odd, because I've probably only had about two or three other friends in my life that have ever shared this interest, so I usually wind up annoying all of my non-sports friends with random babble.

2. I have a much much higher success rate remembering parts of my dreams when I sleep on my back as opposed to my stomach or side. Which is a little unfortunate, since stomach-down has always been the most natural position for me. It seems to take me a lot longer to fall asleep when I try on my back.

3. Technically speaking, I am a published poet! Sort of. I won a poetry contest in my school back in 5th grade, which meant that my poem was published in an anthology of poetry from students all around the country. Too bad the poem itself sucks--I wrote it knowing that it's the sort of writing that they would select to win, all to achieve my goal of getting something published before my older sister did.

4. Despite my beginnings as a very, VERY picky eater, I love to cook and like doing a lot of casual experimentation to try and devise my own personal recipes. It's helped me to broaden my horizons a lot, although there's still a ton of stuff I don't even touch.

5. I live by my personal "K philosophy," wherein I have a preference for taking the expected and putting my own spin on it. I have an appreciation for uniqueness and I believe from childhood until now it informs a lot of my actions and opinions. Ironically, despite the letter K and its use in my name being unusual sparking all of this, I really dislike intentionally-misspelled words when applied to product marketing and the like. Maybe I'm just a bit crazy.

6. Did you know that, despite canon backstory stating that he created her, the feline Amelia actually predates Maxwell Ingraham as a character? Ames' original conception came about back in my high school years, including her unapologetic predatory nature, general attitude, and her general physical characteristics. Maxwell and the whole Ingraham family concept did not come around until college, when I finally started taking steps to participate in the vore community and needed an identity to speak through. This is probably why Amelia's personality has the strongest presence in the back of my mind, and may partially explain her disrespectful attitude towards Maxwell. :P

So...I guess that's all of it for now. Feel free to post your own Six Things if you feel so inclined! And if I actually do receive some "about me" questions, I suppose I'll put up a journal answering to those in the future at some point too.

Cheers,
-- Maxwell

While I was out Christmas shopping yesterday, my car started acting inconsistently. More specifically, the rear-left tire would lock up and refuse to roll when shifting gears. Yesterday I could temporarily relieve the problem...well now, it works fine in reverse but absolutely locks down when trying to put it in drive.

Long story short, thanks to my dad we've at least managed to get it to a brake shop that's going to look at things tomorrow. I'm assuming that the rear brakes will need replacing, which means I can wave goodbye to my dreams of picking up a nicer TV or a new graphics card for a good long while. So it goes.

I hope your weekends have been ending on better notes.
-- Maxwell

This started off with the potential to be a really bad day. Things started off terribly at work, things weren't going very easily with what I was trying to do. Somehow while worming my way between a machine and a wall my hand managed to find a tiny fucking piece of sharp wire just barely hanging out from a spot and wound up giving the back of my right hand a nice long gash, basically running from the knuckle of my middle finger down to almost the wrist. Long cut, fortunately not very deep, but the scar's probably going to stick around for a while.

So basically I was super-pissed, but thankfully that part of my mood dissipated over time. Eventually I managed to break out of the funk, work started to go better, and later in the afternoon my immediate boss basically told me that if I stick around there that I'm in line to receive a semi-promotion in the near future. We're looking to expand and I'm one of the more experienced people there now. My feelings are mixed on what it might mean but we'll see what develops. At the least it was nice to get that vote of confidence.

Uh...I guess that's all. Nothing much to really talk about as far as anybody here's concerned, but this thing is called a journal and I felt like getting some thoughts out.
Till we meet again,
-- Maxwell

I hate them.

Drawing them, anyway.

Zero.

That's right, not a single one.

I sat in the corner, huddled loosely into a ball as some sort of childish defense mechanism. Nothing out there posed such an immediate threat that such defense were necessary, but by the time I was there I felt no need to change it. The room groaned and I looked up at the starlit ceiling, half expecting a meteorite to come hurtling down from the false constellations painted above and mash my psyche into paste. Color glistened throughout the room, settling mostly on red for the time being. I sneered at the setting and slowly massaged my forehead, fighting desperately to rub away the demons.

"You can really tell now, can't you?" The man who spoke to me stood in the center of the room, somehow remaining completely stationary despite the constant warping and deformation of the floor. His classy shoes stood their ground as if he were standing on water, unaffected by its natural wake. Speaking of wake, I wish I could.

I lowered my arms and began to push against my heels, using the melting wall behind me as a support to push myself into a stand. The syrupy color from the walls slowly flowed down my back, fading from red to black as it hit the floor and began spreading outward. The man across from me stood, unfazed, his slick black hair, pointed features, and orange-trimmed black leather jacket all quite familiar to me. The only new accessory to his outfit was a small key dangling from a massive metal ring secured to the right-side belt loop of his pants. There was no way I'd be able to force it off of him. But I knew why he had it.

"It finally happened, didn't it..." I muttered, partly to myself and partly in response to the question his constantly-shifting voice posed earlier, "I've finally gone mad."

"Yep," he replied nonchalantly, though his sinister grin betrayed the casual nature of his statement. "You might as well make yourself comfortable, the two of us are going to be together for a long time."

I had a conversation with my boss today about midget tossing as a sport. It lasted several minutes and was fueled mostly by straight-faced claims of absolute nonsense.

It's not technically a great job, but sometimes I do like working here.

-- Maxwell

Lately I feel as though I'm standing at the top of a very tall tower, with other towers all around. The other towers are suffering the effects of an earthquake that doesn't seem to be felt by my own. I watch other towers crumble and threaten to collapse completely. I can reach out, I can call out to see if those in other towers are still alive, but the gulf is too wide for me to truly do anything to spare them or their towers from falling. I don't have the tools to rescue anybody, and meanwhile the rest of the world destroys itself.

I'm fortunate. I'm fine. But there are several around me who are not, and that leaves me with a very unsettling sense of guilt. It doesn't seem fair that my tower does not suffer as theirs does. And from that vantage point, I'm left unsure of what I can really do about any of it.

In other news, I think the Ingraham house is going to see a new addition relatively soon. It's nothing really major right now, but knowing me, there's no telling what will happen once this idea gets some breathing room.

That's it for now. Please, be well, everyone,
-- Maxwell

I'm back! :D

But I'm exhausted. D:

See y'all tomorrow.
-- Maxwell

This week is seeing highs in the mid-to-high 90's every day, with quite a bit of humidity to boot. This means that I'll likely be returning home from work sweat-covered and completely exhausted both physically and mentally. I apologize in advance if I come off sounding short with people or if I come off kind of angry sounding, it's just a side-effect of being so drained. Be warned, Ames' personality might pick up some of this mental slack.

Once the work-week is over with, I'll be leaving on Saturday morning to have at least a brief stay up north for my family's annual camping trip. Most everyone else is going for a week or more, I'm just taking a long weekend and coming back Monday evening due to having work. I feel lucky I can even get a Monday off during one of our busiest times of the year.

So, yeah, probably won't be hearing a whole lot from me for the next week, just thought I'd give the heads-up. Be well, and try to stay cool!
-- Maxwell