So I suppose that medium i was supposed to be trying may have been digital after all, the apple pencil is more fun than i remember it being and even though its never gonna be my main it is cool to throw my garbage in the ring of the technically proficient types with all the facebook likes.
and yes i am very into microsoft paint. i LOVE the finishers and i'm having a great time doing "paintings" in it. expect more of that for sure. There's a lot more in that area of stuff I'd love to do.


A side note on the digital front, I'm expecting to be doing more with the sony mavicas soon and incorporating fursuiting.....photoshops seem to be arriving in the realm of my domain now that annoying people can make a computer spit out their Jessica Rabbit feet and big butt licking scuba flippers fantasies automatically (have commissions gotten less stressful from that yet by the way?) so cheesy photoshops being cool and interesting it is. It'd be swell to have a backdated version of Photoshop running on windows 98, but even just the CS5.last.good.one version of creative suite i have installed on my iMac sure meets my needs....can anybody tell me where to get a 2011 iMac repaired ughhhhhh and a 2010 mac pro power switch intermittent activation job if they're a good pup with my iMac. GIMP for Windows 7 is FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE.........

But what of Blender 3D, brother? When will my silly creations take to the third digital dimension, brother????


The pieces ARE falling into place even though there's still some VERY ANNOYING holes.

you know i've been having a lot of fun with the markers lately, just letting them do their thing and making those pages you've seen here. There's a new marker thing I started even more recently with a similar vibe i've been doing that i must devise a method of takin' pictures of 'em so i can show y'all.

that said, i'm really chomping at the bit for a new medium. its driving me crazy. i've been tensing up wayyyyy too much when drawing lately and i know that's my creative mind telling me to take a break and try something different to get some perspective. the new marker project is a nice side-step, but not different enough. airbrushing might be....

gender is interesting again, feelings i'd like to explore. without judgement, only experiment. like-minded; where can a cat (or dog) in a small [redacted] town near [redacted] find you?

could it ALL just be fun? why so serious (unironic)




Will the great _ north come down upon us? might be kinda cute.

will ya just knock the logs out of the way of the water so it can get back to the rest of the savanna? we all know its dammed to create the stupid automated ai colorless "luxury" colorless capitalism nightmare nobody wants to live in anyways. you guys got to have your gentrified puritan fun now its time to let go. i liked timone and pumbaa a lot better than broccoli-vlogs hair boy and cryptoglasses mcgee who did it this time.


let us not forget, of course, the seagulls covered in lithium mine residue and the crying children picking through ewaste landfills while we're imagining the hell of humanity.

You're right Ugarte, I am a bit more impressed with you

saw some interesting things just the other day. they were there, and i did see them. Very visible, in fact it was almost like they were right here. wow, so much picture. extra image. yes

NBC is cancelled now we're WGBH affiliates

some random facts and lore and stuff

WSNO Snepsburgh is an NBC affiliate and that's where all the peacock jokes come from

snow leopards actually move by pressing the horn button to jump and it can be unlocked in the couch menu by pressing R+L+[REDACTED]

The deli on the corner of John F Kannady drive and Concord Ave is open until 12am on ONLY thursday nights

they really did miss spell Kennedy when they renamed the street in 1966 and then just left it like that

WSNO has a rivalry with FOX and airs a bootleg version of The Simpsons called "The Simians" and a concurrent show called "Pastarama" with bumpers that inflict cartoon violence upon a greaser fox in sunglasses

WSNO put in the high bid for Battlebots after the Las Vegas '99 Pay-per-view tapes went national. Comedy Central Sports cheated to take the initial broadcast rights. WSNO later unofficially entered a robot that made fun of Comedy Central and won the super heavyweight championship in longbeach 2000. this was later referenced when famed Car Man and Chin Haver, Jay Leno entered his ultraheavyweight Chin Killa and effortlessly defeated the robots constructed by broke vegan college kids.

WSNO bought all mastertapes to "The Man Show" and burned them then blew them up with fireworks in a back alley and used it as bumper footage for 4th of july 2007

"well tapdance my timberdoodles" is a regional saying to express a welcome surprise originating in Ogunquit, Maine

There are 300 people named bob coming to your location right now. what will you choose to do? the bobs are friendly, but they get bored at an exponential rate

that's not what the previous journal was talking about

They will be important soon. They're currently in the Transombobulator to Make the Perfect Conclusion, and See What's What.
But very, very soon their meaning will be understood and solidify.

do you think if i did unboxing videos and set up a p.o. box people would send me their random old stuff for free? that would be pretty cool. wouldn't mind that being a potential jumping off point for making some tape trading friends, tbh.

i just wouldn't want to run into a bad unboxing type situation, you feel me? i know you want to send me your underwear thinking i'll huff it on camera but that's something you have to sign up for my onlyfans for.

well i wanted to sign up to help because i want to be part of the change i want to see, but the forum to do so says they do everything through discord and require a discord username. discord is beyond making any sense to me. so much for that i guess :/ modern age sucks ass, can't whoever does all the stupid internet stuff just bridge the stupid instant messengers already like was done with all that microblogging crap? or idfk, CC emails? skype? ....does anyone still use skype... why does telegram want me to pay for features i already had and features i would never use and fugly animated emoji stickers i don't even want to look at.... can i just log in to something and send words or pictures to my friends please without being advertised crypto scams or randomly dmed by a lunatic in a cult... that's more about the state of instant messengers in the age of "oh god i have to get a secure data messenger or they'll find out how much i love north shore megamaxes and start carrying them for less and without shipping costs at my local walmart" than about fur affinity, but in regards to this ever since the actually useful AND PUBLICLY VIEWABLE FOR CLARITY OF INFORMATION AND TRANSPARENCY OF OPERATION message board forum went down and was replaced with discord its a complain that needs to be heard here and has major repercussions on the trustability and viability of a community outside of a place for posting pictures.


speaking of diapers such as the northshore megamax, yeah, little ones, for real you're panicking because someone doesn't understand what you do. you gotta use your big kid barks instead of this shit yourselves and run away nonsense. i know it feels easier because its that automatic fight or flight response but all you're doing is 1. making yourself sound like you're one of the people they're actually trying to get rid of 2. reducing the spaces you can connect and meet other people into the things you are by isolating yourself deeper and deeper into the neverending chain of crappy instant messengers and moving your good works to known creep dens like inkbunny or anti-gallery content black hole burnout slogs that devalue your art like twitter and instagram (or any other similar scroll app that if it ain't new it disappears). if you want that nightmare you're in to end you NEED to stop giving in to your reactionary impulses and actually communicate with other people, even if the best you can manage is babyspeak to someone who is willing to listen. you can do it, i believe in you!!!



PS, to an staffers who might find this-
....
first of all thanks for reading the manifesto i posted before that wasn't actually about FA but was posted on the same day as the previous announcement so it was perceived that way. and i guess i could see how reading it that way can be helpful in better understanding the needs of the community. regarding the heat and harsh, i was having a bad day but as convoluted as it was written the points i made still stand. modernity isn't the answer. knowing what we are is the answer.
....
second, this is not coded positive or negative, its also not a be-all-end-all statement. I'm working on a dialog here but due
to the (understandable) jump on the previous journal i'm knocking out comments for the first 24 hours so cooler heads prevail. i wanna see y'all succeed and let me keep posting my silly little animal drawings on your servers so everybody can see them, and be able to keep using this site as the important hub for putting my weird ass self out there to make friends. know that this is sentiment at the core of everything i say about this site whether it sounds superficially like praise or otherwise. thanks.

a radio DJ sits alone in a darkened studio, only the twinkling lights of the tape recorders, turntables and transmitters pierce the deep, dark black. and orangey glow joins the ranks for a moment before being snuffed out with a metal click. the DJ breathes deep and exhales just as. the click of switches and whir of reels fire up alongside the neon on the outside of the building. "hey all you crazy cats out there, iiiits the top of the hour here on KNRG Cincinnati the traffic's thick and so is the Chicago Bean geeeet ready for an hour of nonstop Bruce Springsteen hits after this" the reels stop, the whirs die. The other room takes over. Radioland is none the wiser.

in life, like in fetish roleyplays, despite the allure of "forever" what i really need is more "for now". forever is flashy and Big with a capital B. Its got the ultimate in whatever it is you're looking for built right in. but for now is the deep feelings in the moment-by-moment. getting into the details. letting the concept, the moment, sit. grow. saturate. take root.

not ONLY does the emperor have no clothes HE HAS ALSO TRANSFORMED INTO A LLAMA

why is everybody so ignorant, so stupid, so batshit crazy. why does anybody willingly submit to the obvious brain-dead fascism of the modern age. sometimes i feel like i'm the only one who notices and cares while everyone else lives in blissful ignorance until they stumble into the gullet of the monster they've blinded themselves to.

you know those modern cars are designed to give the owner in your position a financial nightmare, right? you know every new tech company/product is just a grift with the sole intent to get a payday from being bought by another company, right? you know social media is a spider's den that's entire point is to get you angry and addicted so it can keep selling adspace, right?

they can't r*pe the rainforest or mining towns anymore so they pillage your mental health and daily wellbeing instead. you're so worried about the fucking factory farmed silkworms and whatever you completely disregard the Chinese people forced into lives worse than death to produce your shitty, low-quality, overpriced new crap you post on tiktok about being unable to live without. and its genuinely pathetic because you cast aside any anonymity you could have had to go by your real name online and now you live in fear that your brand masters will punish you for saying anything even slightly negative (even when true!) about their overpriced garbage they've drained of all the quality that may have previously been there for the sake of a few more pennies for that shitbag billionaire ceo. its certainly not going to the employees who the company couldn't exist without, just the c-level shitter who could be easily replaced with ai trained on the company's history and goal. if you believe that literal internet cancer has any place in anything, that is. personally, i think the c-levels should be open sourced to anyone who actually gets what the fuck the company should be doing. (disney, kodak, and polaroid you know i'm looking you directly in the eyes here)

and i think what pisses me off about all this the most is that Furry is supposed to be our space outside of the dregs of humanity where we, as the animals, shit on every predatory thing those fucking humans do to to each other and call them what they are: an invasive menace. we should be building something better than those stupid humans have...but nah, ever since the fandomification of the 2010s this place has been overrun with more humans or "ironic" furries than i even want to think about. wearing the skin of our community as a costume while doing the same predatory shit inside that the humans are doing out there. what the hell even are the rest of you, really? are you truly animals or just humans too ashamed of yourselves to do your human shit to other humans so instead you take advantage of poor wittle aminals like us. humans are very good at projecting, and we all know everyone's favorite two sexual wirecrossings to hate are entirely based upon power imbalance and depravity. and we also know humans are prolific liars and projectors. so what, is the fido-fucking in the form of forcing us to play your human shit because the other humans are too much? is your kiddiediddling taking the form of stealing our whim cash with your generic YCH slop that people genuinely can't tell apart from ai generated slop and that is a deep insult to all those efficiency "artists" with pages full of the same fucking digital painting on a deviantART anime pose base with minor changes to denote different characters. a hundred bucks would be better spent being burned than on that generic, talentless slop. when people say these days "furry is about the art" and don't specify but are clearly some weekend warrior type i wonder what art they're talking about as they're surrounded by mere consumer culture bullshit that infested our spaces in the past 10 years. and then you point the blame at the shape of the cock of an obvious human-body-stand-in for those of us who have deep trauma about human bodies and prefer the friendly and comforting nature of a cartoon animal like the ones on TV we found refuge with. you point the blame at those of us who wear diapers because they make us feel safe, improve our mental health which had rotted away from overwhelming bathroom anxiety and having to deal with people in public restrooms being creeps, and just in general we have medical need for. to exhibit the core behavior yourself and then point at someone else who has something you think you can correlate with your problem and then point the blame squarely on the other parties is about as fucking degenerate humanity as you can get. its like lesson 1 in human school. you can't go five seconds without hearing about a politician (you know, the humans sanctioned to be predators....) doing it, and so many more people its so obvious they are but for some godforsaken reason, despite it always being the same fucking outcome, all the other idiot humans will trust the obvious creep who has successfully cast blame and ruined lives to maintain their shitty personal little hero story. nevermimd, by the way, that if those predatory types who find themselves here would just shut the fuck up with their diabolical bullshit this is also the place where we can band together and uncross those wires as a community. we've done it many times before. (well, not the new crop. they're big into cancelling, whatever that is)

yeah we used to be about the art, before you told everyone they needed a fursuit but didn't need a fursona, before you automated everything because you wanted your little animal doodled NOW like we're fucking walmart or something and you're buying one of those shitty mass-produced generic canvas prints. back when we made our own fursuits instead of being a bunch of talentless cliquy instagram fucks who judged you based on which maker you choose and if you wear yours more than they wear theirs. we were cliquey fucks for other things. but our gatekeeping meant something and, unlike today's, was arbitrary in order to have someone prove they cared enough to be part of the group so we could keep things consistent. and look what happened when you made us stop. what even is this? its all marketable plushies waiting to be absorbed by fucking disney for the next zootopia movie, which they think is as good as having all talking animal movies instead of a bunch of stupid boring human movies. where the fuck am i on the screen, huh? where's my talking snow leopard representation, huh? or does that not matter because its not skin color? and if that's the case, how is anyone with autism or down's syndrome or whatever supposed to get their representation? and how about some actually good trans representation instead of barely-there uwu beans- we're raw from that whole meatgrinder of the world the humans put us through for no fucking reason and that's not friendly to bigoted shithole demographics that should go fuck themselves. hypocritical cumstains. can't even let queer people be because you think queer just means the same as the bunch of letters you call our community based on a bunch of labels which you take like gospel with zero ability to deviate from. i'm a trans woman, but i don't hate my former masculinity. my transition is equally last hurrah for male sexuality and identity as it is discovering and becoming the woman i am meant to be. i will still love classic cars, metalworking, repairwork, blazers, pants, button-downs, briefs, my penis, and playing dogs by the end of it, are you stick-up-your-ass types going to call me a fraud? you've called others such, and denied their identities because they didn't fit in your little label boxes. queerness is about rejecting boxes rather than putting yourself into another one in order to escape the first one. you sound like the red idiots but while wearing blue ties. we are queer because we're queer. we are animals because we are animals. you can't disagree because you'd just be wrong and, contrary to popular belief in the tiktok age, that means you deserve no platform to be heard. these days its no AR and only T.

we are not perfect, we do not claim to be and we shouldn't be made to have to pretend we are. you see me post fucking everything i make because i need you to understand there's more to creating than the polished bullshit you see on social media. i draw myself a bunch, i draw backgrounds even though i'm clearly still learning and my anatomy is somewhere between cartoon and real. and i love it. i love drawing and painting and making images appear from nothing. i love when what felt like a mistake turns out to be exactly what i was trying to do the whole time. its what i live for. you don't have to be some shitty content machine either. create because you want to. create because you feel. create because its what you do. (you'll just burn yourself out and hate whatever you were doing eventually by making your job commissions anyways. you don't see the aftermath because its so easy to hide failures in the algorithm, but i've seen it happen too many times to count and its always a tragedy that could have been avoided. i hope none of them killed themselves over it, a lot get really depressed and go silent indefinitely when it all comes crumbling down. its the inevitable result of exploiting yourself and your passions for the benefit of capitalism...)

we're supposed to be respite from the real world, a place to find likeminded people, a place to recover from the predation of humanity. and you dipshits brought all that horrible garbage INSIDE OUR HOME. i need some fucking proof things are changing from this miserable place i've observed furry become in the past few years. you can see from when i made this account and the outdated name i've been around here for a LONG TIME. i have been a furry for longer than the third reich and the confederacy existed....combined. i have literally watched empires crumble. this current thing is NOT what its about, or what its supposed to be. i want to be proved wrong, prove to me this reality isn't manifesting the way i clearly fear it is. prove me wrong, modern furries. do better. be better. or fuck off.

ps
also no, communal living having no possessions or money would not be any better. fuck your communism too. all you extremist fucks from every where forget that things can just be fucking casual instead of life or death all the time and you can just fucking mix economic systems with bartering and kindness when no specific economic system is breathing down your neck or taking control of lives via required payments to stay living. radical casualification? idfk but whatever its called it more punk than you fucking slaves to the system who want to call yourselves revolutionary. get Universal Basic Income to become law and force-stop & reverse inflation....its complete bullshit made up for the sake of profiting only a few anyways and doesn't need to exist. become a balloon animal instead.

..........

now that i've sufficiently pissed everyone off, who's dragging me to the restored-to-1970s cromwell FurFright hotel this weekend? give me a heads up what the plan is.

So idk where else to do this but i'm just gonna list a bunch of my fave stuff in no particular order so maybe something i reference is in here somewhere.


I'll be adding more when i remember what's what and find new faves so check back every so often.

my last.fm is still under an old furry name but that's the profile i use https://www.last.fm/user/DylanCollie


Music:
Selected Gambient Works 20-24 - GroompCamp (2024)
Billy Joel (esp. Glass Houses)
The Heist by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis (esp. Thrift Shop & White Walls)
Wesley Willis
The Beatles (literally if you like music you'll like the beatles)
Bruce Springsteen
Weird Al
School of Fish - School of Fish (esp. 3 Strange Days)
I've Made Too Much Pasta
Cassidy Civet
Alanis Morrisette
Bonnie Tyler
Autumn in New England - David Huntsinger (1994)
Pepper Coyote
Deluxe - Better than Ezra
Local Nothing
Cotton Candy by Kesha
Layla Piano Exit by Derek & the Dominos (just the piano exit part)
Then He Kissed Me by The Crystals
Taylor Swift




Movies:
The Wizard of Speed & Time
Oliver & Company
The Brave Little Toaster
Goodfellas
On Golden Pond
Casablanca
Singin In The Rain
Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
Vanishing Point (1971)
Overdrawn at the Memory Bank
Gone in 60 Seconds
Christine
Back to the Future
Bolt
Lilo & Stitch
Treasure Planet
Harvey
Plan 9 From Outer Space
Kindergarten Cop
Total Recall
Junior
Toys
Operation Dumbo Drop
Apocalypse Now
Escape from New York
High Ballin'
Mac & Me
Countdown to Looking Glass



TV:
Star Trek
Star Trek: The Next Generation
Star Trek: Voyger
Star Trek: Deep Space 9
Ren & Stimpy
As Told By Ginger
Tailspin
Bonkers the Bobcat
MacGyver
The Addams Family
The Twilight Zone
CHiPS
Law & Order (1990 thru Lennie Briscoe's last episode)
Bones
House
Criminal Minds
Resident Alien
Burn Notice
Gilligan's Island
Lost In Space
H.R.PuffinStuf



Books
Christine
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Zoboa


Misc tapes and reels:
Casablanca 50th Anniversary Special


i also watch a ton of instructional video tapes and misc 16mm film reels so I end up sort of mashing all that together. worth checking out that source material too.

DO NOT TALK TO ME ABOUT "NOPE" YES IT IS A CINEMATIC MASTERPIECE NO I HAVE NOT STOPPED HAVING NIGHTMARES ALMOST 2 YEARS LATER

look all i'm saying is the convention should be all week but with all the mainest-main events on the weekend in the middle. big socialtime and doesn't have to be just for the johnny come latelyes and instead satisfy us long-runners too for once. come and go as you please type deal. i'll still arrive early and stay late.

Aside and apart from other things going on in my life rn, I've finally been getting back into reel to reels! This started when I pulled the boxed 1960s portable Westinghouse dictation machine out again to look at it and remind myself what was wrong with it. Well, i thought it was belts because the motor would go but the reels wouldn't spin. Figured out the issue was lubrication related instead and now i've got a lovely lil dictation machine I've been using for voice training ever since :3

this is that machine playing the tape that it came with, some recordings of music and radio and a home in the early 1970s: https://youtu.be/Lb_Ib2VV09I

Then I've also been having a good time with my early 1960s Norelco which has a much better old recording on its reel which i've kept. Its a charming 7" reel deck luggable that's kind of dreary in color but interesting in detail. Phillips makes a similar model. Mine is showing some lugging wear and tear with some holes in the contact paper on the outside of the wooden chassis and in cleaning the brightwork face panels I accidentally wiped off the control labels! I'm planning a nice customization for both of those to remedy that glum color with its wear and tear, instead brightening up the deck and making it an eyecatching piece I'll gladly haul around.
There's a 1970s Sears boxfan i found on the side of the road with an excellent motor and fan blades but everything else chipped and rusted. Cord is safe, but missing the speed/power knob. This is getting a makeover restoration too. Noting this because its gonna come before the reel to reel makeover for those at home keeping score. Yes, there will be pictures and video!

I have a bit of a collection at this point, and I've really grown a passion for these things. They're quirky yet dependable, a process to use yet uncomplicated, and they deliver exactly the result I want from them. There's a lot I'd love to do with them and every machine is suited for a different kind of thing. For example, the Westinghouse is a dictation machine you'd have on a desk or carry with you while the Norelco is a playback deck even though yes it does record, and the Fostexes are professional/prosumer editing decks while the Nagra III is for recording sound for film/TV on location. Integration with Super 8 filmmaking is a priority, as is a car system. But those are still behind voice training, voice acting, sound effects, radioplays, narration, music recording, music editing, playlists/mixtapes, and so-on.

Speaking of the Nagra III, that was one I got for christmas back in 2009. Its a professional recorder that makes very high quality recordings, uses 5" reels natively that fit under the clear dustcover, and uses mostly professional din plug hookups. Mine was owned and used by a production company on some films I'm tracking down copies of. I'd love to use it more but most of my current gear is prosumer at most and very little in the way of XLR connectors. That said, it completes the career trifecta from my dad who also gifted me his old two Fostex machines; one 4 track the other 8 track, both from the 80s. Very much looking forward to getting deep in this stuff.

One I'm thinking about a lot but without a specific usecase is a department store model variant of what I believe is a Panasonic recorder from the middle 1970s shaped and styled like a suitcase with its faceplate cover on. This was the first reel to reel I had found in the wild, at a store I loved called The Blessing Barn. This was its first location, next to the church that runs it- housed in a smallish white outbuilding with one floor and a big weatherproof tent out back (from the road its really "to the side" but when you walk in its "out back") that one might very easily refer to as "the barn". Its speed is a smidge off, its recordings playing a bit fast when played back on other decks. I remember how excited I was to find one! At the time most "cases" I found were slide projectors which I didn't yet have any slide for so I had one and that was enough till I did. I'd always open them to find out anyways, and this one was a reel to reel instead! I still smile wide when I think about it, and that feeling never really goes away in the hunt, even after so many finds under my belt. As y'all know I was a Brave Little Toaster kid so my appliances are like friends to me, and some of them really feel like buddies and this one feels like that to me.

On collecting, I'm mostly looking for decks that are unique, fill a usecase for me, or happen to be models of importance to me such as the Akai 7" reel suitcase models that i believe use amplifier tubes. That deck is one I had saw a lot of on ebay back in the day, sometimes for very cheap, but is so heavy it would cost insane numbers like $200 to ship. It might be silly but there's a model by Craig that's just a rim drive portable for dictation, but I've always liked the manual transmission-like controls on them. Sometimes very "of the era" names jump out at me, but really its all whatever catches my fancy. I love low prices, it feels like nature is healing and things aren't so insane anymore when I can find what I'm looking for without feeling ripped off.

I'm looking to fix a few of them that i've had in non-working condition for a while including a GE 3" reel portable, a Concord Soundcamera (yes, like in Mission: Impossible!) a Sony portable, and a teac that's very special to me.

And I am looking to expand my collection, learn more about how they work in all their forms and how to maintain them in good working condition. Uh I guess if you want a lil heads-up on the next things I'll be thinking about its super 8 and 16mm projectors and editors, early analog video equipment, analog video editing hardware, a retread on radios with a stop in 8-track decks, a brief holdover in color organs then film cameras (still and motion) with their associated hardware and accessories. Record players and electric guitars + accessories are an overarching theme throughout.

hm.

Reminds me I need to get all my reels back from where they are in storage so I can get serious about these things. Don't even get me started on the video tape recorders that run on reel to reel formats, I am drooling profusely over them and very upset that they've thus far manifested as mere intangible carrots on strings in my life instead of something tangible I can easily obtain and use- and as everyone should know, when something is clearly what I want but held out of my reach, I ignore every mention of it out of spite that i'm not in on the fun like i used to be more often. ;3


Oh yeah and note to self, I need something good to shoot with my Sony CD Mavica. Remembered that last night upon finding some OLD fursuit pics with FA's metadata claiming were taken on a Sony Mavica CD500, and the Mavica branded mini CD-Rs were another gift from dad. Been waiting for some floofs or to have my car ready or something!

Somehow this episode of MST3K has come on by chance 3 times when literally any episode could play.
Catsuit, the potential is there. Well golly jeepers that'd be swell. groovy.






far out








the only way to travel is cadillac style

Lately, I've been stuck with the horrid situation of being head over heels obsessed with the MTV "Ka-Blam for Nick @ Nite" series Liquid Television, which is available on youtube, but have nobody to talk about it with. though what i want is less long distance discord call and more go to the basement and out to the shed and play mad scientist video effects lab with somebody to make some stuff for some kind of show. Mix that with a "gee whiz what if" 1980s shot on video take on mid-century hollywood fare and now we're cooking with the special sauce!

At least getting wasted and studying & experimenting all day has been going alright. Certainly would prefer to be, like, actually doing stuff and hanging out with my friends. They'll have to let me know when they get into town so I can be ready.

So what i've found is that a particular copy of Casablanca I've got is beginning to look a little ragged. i mean, makes sense and all since i've watched it a whole lot. but its something you gotta remember when you get into this stuff, especially when you start actually using tape to make things without much digital playback emulation. editing wears out a master so you make an edit master, and maybe recycle that edit master tape for next time to get the money's worth. or just throw it to the flea market after one project, i'm not your mother. and i think it would be cool, as a fellow tapehead video nerd, to find that stuff at a flea market for a quarter and get inspired by it.
anyways, that's just something to keep in mind. circulate the tapes instead of cycling them. etc etc.







and for fuck's sake don't do stupid 2010s psuedo-upcycling bullshit out of them. if they're taking up space i'll pay media mail shipping for you to send them to me (note me!!!)

do you think if there was a max headroom incident these days it would just be to shill a crypto scam? that would suck ass.



anyways, hope you like my fatass fursona because i'm having a lot of fun drawing her like that rn and its giving me some body euphoria about the fatass meat sack i inhabit. will get around to my other kinks sometime soon in this current refresh. its about time the furry public remembered that the fun of vore is the maw awe and swallowing squirms, with that full tummy as a reward at the end. lol

mostly though i'm gearing up for my furry YouTuber debut after being on the site with an account since 2008. i have some totally great and not horrible at all ideas for videos, and rest assured its definitely not clickbait and doctors DO hate me. i'm not sure why though i just want some penicillin...



also baffles me people keep panicking. that kind of thing used to happen all the time and its always handled well and swiftly. this was one of the shortest outages i have ever seen on this site in all my years on it. you're fine, stop acting like a bunch of loons scrambling for the the exit with every gust of wind. its gonna be okay.

Initially I was overrun with emotions about this site, and in a way as we all leave part of ourselves in our art (you ARE leaving parts of yourself in your art, aren't you?) Dragoneer baked an honest part of himself into this site. I use FA in classic mode, as that's how the site has always been for me, even back when i didn't realize it yet. you'll want to switch back to classic too if you want to know more about what i mean. if you go back and search oldest to newest, you can see FA is so much more than another applike website. its a celebration of our furry culture through the lens of what Dragoneer saw important to include at the time. The categories and tags, from Fursuit>1970s>snow leopard>trans (female) to fox lion male friends fishing, this site is capable of being a lot of things in a way that gives it perspective. I believe the community has, to some degree, lost sight of this and its a tragedy. postybirb and its apparent inability to select categories because they're always the default, and clogging up browse with what the commission tab is for. Don't ask me how to fix it, instead ask yourself what small details you could pay more attention to.

i'm not sad for what's lost when I use Fur Affinity. I'm glad because part of those who have gone are still here. Death is a complicated thing to grapple with, and everyone does it a little bit differently. I believe we need to peel back out knee-jerk reactions to it and immerse ourselves in the melancholy when it arises instead of banishing it to a box we don't speak of anymore. what do we make of our fallen friend and his life's work? how can we help him live on? that's the conversation we SHOULD be having instead of the parade of facebookesque "thoughts and prayers" stuff i saw in the days following and refused to participate in, holding onto those feelings instead. this place is not the haunted house some now said, its an interactive monument to a friend who loved Furry with all his heart. Our Derg is still here with us when we use it, that's what I believe.

So with that, i'll buy it for a dollar and keep the dream alive.

I need to say this somewhere and somehow so its out in the world. This website saved my life. in 2009 i was a lonely kid with no real friends who was just started special ed high school surrounded by people i kinda liked enough but didn't really feel any desire to get close with. i was really angry and rigid about a lot of things, and that's reflected in the very early art in my gallery. i got a reply on my deviantart, where i was making a dorky little fancomic about anthropomorphic interpretations of Bolt from Bolt and Dug from Up. some chud with an avatar that was billy joel wearing sunglasses for whatever reason called me a couple of slurs and told me to "yiff my furry foxes in hell". Unphased as the glutton for self-destructive views toward myself that was, i went and looked up what a Furry was. it was exactly what i was looking for. obviously i was still a minor at the time, and that's why i'm tirn on the minors debate- i feel like they don't belong in our spaces having actually gotten to know this community over the years, but feeling like i was a part of furry when i was still a kid had prevented me from ending my life many times because i knew there were people out there like me who wanted to be my friend. anyways.
this was during the summer of 2009, so i went into 9th grade a furry, trying to figure out where the community was. eventually, i found Fur Affinity. but during the first while i knew about it they weren't accepting new members. so i joined the forums and tried talking there. there were good furs on the forum, but it was definitely awkward with the age gap. september 4th 2010 was the day that registration opened back up, and i know that because i made this account with the name of my first fursona as soon as that reg opened.
this has been my home ever since. one of the very few websites i visit anymore because its exactly the same as its always been, and its always been exactly what i wanted and needed it to be.
i didn't draw much back then. mostly because of the rigid thing i mentioned earlier. and most of what i did draw was reflection comics that make no sense if anyone else were to read them, they're even getting hard to read for me now. the first 10 years of works i posted i have blown out of the water during the last 4. finally feeling comfortable enough to share my sketches and concept art and doodles because its like being able to always show my sketchbooks to whoever wants to see them. despite the fact i AM quite impressed with the numbers this page has done over the years, its never been about the numbers for me. this website is an enormous part of my social life. irl, you need some context with me, and this page gives that context in volumes. i don't know what i would do without it. probably isolate further than i already have, i'm worried about where that will lead. it keeps shocking me how long its been since i've seen anyone or been to anything. my last convention was Furpocalypse 2019 at the red lion, and previously i did FF, FP and ANE every year like clockwork. i mean i guess there was moses, but she and i aren't seeing each other anymore so there goes the one reason i had to go out and do anything. i don't know, this has me so existentially broken i've been zonked out all day on sleeping pills. Fur Affinity is literally the last piece of my safety net and my last lifeline i know i can count on. i won't be moving my gallery anywhere else. i won't be downloading the early pictures i don't otherwise have anymore. i'm not starting over. this is it.

its always been a dream of mine to have my art in a gallery. even back when i was only doing goofy sharpie marker drawings of Pokemon, my dad made a lil web 1 site with tiled pikachu watercolor offical artwork that we scanned and posted all my drawings at the time. Fur Affinity has felt like that dream coming true, the promised online space that lil site came up with.

I talked with Dragoneer a few times on twitter, and even from the bit i knew him, i could see why the praise and love folks have for him was earned. in another life, we would have been a lot closer. I wish he had known what this lil project of his that he fought hell and highwater for with everything he had means to me and how much its impacted my life for the better. the only thing i've wanted to really run with for 15 years or so now. I love Fur Affinity, and I'm proud to say it.