not as active as i used to be, but i'm here. going to anthrocon this year with  doodledreams. it's gonna be a blast.

i feel like complete shit (as always). self hatred, feeling stuck, like people are lying to me about everything, disliked, music is disliked, can't escape shit i dread seeing, etc. i just want to leave and start a new life somewhere else. there's nothing left for me here... too bad i can't just leave. just stuck. literally and mentally.

i don't do art so i don't really post anything on here, but i still come on here every few days... not as much as i used to tho.

ya know when you're fucked to fuck? well ni'm at that point and this site is cool af. the people i met on here are all champs. s/o to you all.

WAYYYY too many submissions and journals to go through on here. I'd like to still come on here, but I don't do any visual art and everyone I've met music wise on here I communicate with on facebook. I still enjoy seeing all the pictures though so maybe I'll come on here more often.

how do i delete something from scraps??? pls and thank

sorry i don't post on here ever. go add me on facebook or follow me on tumblr/twitter for that. it's been like over a year that i've been on this site. wow.

ya so... things have been alright. tons of ups and downs since my last journal (3 months ago), but right now there's feel pretty good. my summer was good. got out on a good amount of walks although i wish i was able to go out and do more things. a long road trip sounds really nice. doesn't even have to be anywhere special. i just want to see new things.

I kind of want to go back to actual physical school due to just being bored, but being around that many people that i've cut out of my life everyday sounds terrifying. I also like being outside, but don't like going out unless someone's with me, because I just feel weird with people looking at me alone (idk why) and I avoid talking to pretty much anyone I used to go to school with. I pretty much refuse to take the trash out during the day and always wait until it's night time when people are inside or sleeping. I know i'm just making stuff worse for myself. I post this annoying complaining stuff on here, because there aren't that many people here to hear it and furries typically are good people. If it annoys you just unwatch, I definitely won't be offended or anything.

played ocarina of time for the first time. i'm upset at myself for not playing it sooner.

i got 400 pageviews and never post anything and when i do it's not fur related and my profile picture is a tree plus my journals are all annoying and whiny. anyway here's some cool music that i've been listening to a lot.

flatsound - i clung to you hoping we'd both drown
http://flatsound.bandcamp.com/album.....wed-both-drown
pill friends - fade into nothing
http://pillfriends.bandcamp.com/alb.....e-into-nothing
bright eyes - i'm wide awake, it's morning
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E0k.....D3&index=2
the microphones - the glow pt.2
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Wv.....Si&index=2
foxes in fiction - alberto
http://foxesinfiction.bandcamp.com/album/alberto

nutty shit...
nails - unsilent death
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=efpHs41Zrm4
acxdc - the second coming
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DvJXYiApoI4
desolated - blasphemy
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DXY-cd0maik
xibalba - hasta la muerte
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gzh5m1b4G9A
hoods - betrayed
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CPSZtRmUYGY

animal planet sounds like it would be great, but it's actually pretty lame reality shows. i don't think i watch any tv with a serious attitute though so it's cool.

I got banned from both of the "big" furry groups on facebook... i'm positive now that furries are the worst at understanding sarcasm/dark humor/dry humor. I hate every one of you I think.

my sona is a goldfish
who can I commission for a suit?

I really want to move somewhere that I could actually see animals and stuff. They're probably too scared of the shitty people who live here in the city/suburbs and rightfully so. I can't be hang out at home alone without being bugged by the fucking maintenance people every other day pounding on the door and then having them just unlock the door and walk in if I don't open it for them...

to the few people who followed me/favorited my uploads thank you. there's probably like 10 people on this site who like noise/ambient "music" and I found a couple of them some how... weather is nice, but erie is still a shitty place to live. I want to move and open a music venue or recording studio but i'm young. anyway along the lines of business i'm a small music promoter and have my own "organization" called fox trot promos (https://www.facebook.com/pages/Fox-.....43981162292266). i'm looking for someone who i'd be able to commission to do a logo for that. like a generic red fox, but wearing punk/hardcore attire (that sounded poser as fuck). I messaged a few people with no luck. if anyone knows anyone who is interested then let me know.

woke up from depressing dream. really sweaty. finishing class then going to shower... fuck gym class in cyber school.

<insert indirect bash here> daaaamn someone be a  thirstyfurs.

I don't understand it... I look at all the interesting images and stuff I want on here and get updates on people from facebook and twitter...

long journal ahead...
i'm addicted to hitting the watch button... i've only been on here for 3 months and have already watched over 100 people. i'm probably going to "unwatch" some people, because i'm getting roughly 20-30 notifications everytime I log on and not to be a dick, but there's probably 10-20 artists who's stuff I enjoy seeing otherwise I just nuke my submissions... anyway 3 months i've been actively going on dA and FA for anthro stuff. in a nutshell I found out about furry, because I remember I listened to renard's music about a year ago. I can't remember in the slightest bit how the hell i found out about renard or why I even cared for his music, but I clicked a live video of him at anthrocon for the heck of it (i had no clue what AC was at the time). I saw a video in the related section called "Anthrocon 2013 The Movie"... next thing I know the credits at the end were rolling and I was thinking to myself "whoa man cool shit dude". I spend probably 5-6 hours that night just digging through dA, FA, and youtube for stuff having to do with the "new" thing I discovered. the following days/weeks after that I realized after watching his videos long before these series of events that  foxalbiazul was a furry too and there was actually a page full of furries from my hometown  eriefurs after realizing those things I was sold on it... and that's my long boring story that I feel bad if someone actually read that whole thing lol.

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/12636722/
his bladder is blocked and he's in pain. needs 800$ to get it fixed or he'll likely get put down. I literally don't have any money to my name or else i'd definitely help. spread the word and donate if you could.
I hate hearing about stuff like this :(

first of all fuck weasyl and all this drama with FA... nobody really knows what's going on so I don't see why people should get worked up. anyway i'm going to start working on getting a permit and then eventually a license. along that line i'm hoping to go to AC 2015 or 2016 after I get a license and a job. then I could meet some cool people irl... if anyone has checked out my bandcamp recently i'm hoping to start a new indie rock/indie pop/emo band, but am having trouble finding anyone who's interested. I may just keep it as a studio and non live band no matter how much i'd like have it not be a "side project"... I recorded the percussion by hitting a cardboard box and a table. anyway here's a demo of the instrumentals without vocals: http://markemhoff.bandcamp.com/album/untitled-119

well the semester ends tonight at midnight. I was a dumbass and didn't do literally one assignment in music or audio engineering so I had to do the majority of them today to get a passing grade. luckily the online school I go to doesn't take off point for being late (don't ask why).

i've felt like zero motivation to do anything the last couple months... writing music, school... even going outside seems like a major chore that I drag my feet for hours to do. really all i've wanted to do was sit on facebook/FA listening to music... If I didn't have to be awake for school i'd probably just sleep or stay in bed all day. nothing else seems appealing except going to see bands like every other weekend.

yeah so some really shitty metallica came on in the media player tab I had open and I was too lazy to change it... anyway blue and orange is the best and foxcoons are also the best. i'm working on a character with all that shit. it'll be cool. don't know if i'll post it or if i'll just put it away in a distant folder on my computer never to be touched again... so I finally switched metallica to some sunny day real estate. i feel a lot better now that I got that out of the way. i'm so behind in school it's ridiculous. i should get on that.