whys half the text bluerple now

its not fun when the gap between what you want to / can do becomes so massive
i want to put time and energy into learning new things
i want to put time and energy into getting better at the things i do
i want to make smooth, polished art
i want to learn how to

but it's exhausting just to maintain my own existence
i'm already fighting a losing war against the rate at which things become dirty, at which my own body needs care and a

i started doing the scuffed scratchy (aka Ugly and Bad) art that defines a lot of my output around 2022
i also happened to get covid in 2022

did you ever play fallout 4
and take radiation damage
and see the bright red chunk eating into your maximum HP
its kind of been like that ever since

abd its infuriating bc like
i got it from no fault of my own
i didnt even leave my place of living
i couldnt! i was stuck!
and someone else there brought it homw w them...
now i get exhausted doing things that other people can do with ease
i need constant breaks in most basic household chores
somedays i"'m just stuck in bed for half the day
with half the joints in my body warm and throbbing
curled up like a dead bug
barely able to even to do sometbing as easy as texting
just purely and entirely exhausted
friends now me by mym tpying whe w
driends know be my tyoing
Friends knoqw me by the plentiful verdant typo fields i output
but how much of the caus of thT is gwnuine "lazinesz"
(as muxh as it meaningly essizts {and if it does i am a lazy person《quoth thw car seat "if ugly is a word ,th*;$:¡\Nevermind im noy yyping out all tjat i give up on this whole chunk of text》})
and gow much is that
ive made rhe claculation that the energy id have to spend gojng back and correct9ng things is just not worth it
its just not worth it to drag the train baxk on course
i dont have it in me
(i still think its ddfunny bwcausw im an adbocate of taking a slapatick appoach to your own life. if i laugh ant my fuckups and failures im living a less miserable existence thatn if im alow myself be entirely upswt avout everythinf all the tome])

also my head is just
slower
alltogether
despirw its placement this is one of the very last parts im typing and its getting difficilt to
keep track of my thoughts and put don knew ones
thats you see not
t
you notice probably a lot of chunks at last paragraph are barely intwlligble and thats bc they were written after that part above this
its just going arrow downards
📉

also my heart feels weird sometimes
so im just perpetually choosing not to think too much about the massive increase in rates of heart disease in people my age post-2020
because
obsessively worrying wont help me
but

anyways um
im like
lucky
whatevers wrong with me is relatively minor
even when compared to the lasting damage covid can leave u with
like its to the degree i struggle in daily life and will proba ly never be able hold a job
but i can like
live unassisted
mostly
so
im lucky

anywayz like
this stuff is still going around
because the realistic worst case scenario is what happened
and this is just the world we live the rest of our lives in now
so
get your vaccines when you need to
mask when you need to
you do not want this and you do not want to give it to other people
blah blah blah

anyways (like 4rth of 5ve anywayz in this brainvomit)
back to the point i wanted to vent about qhen i started this brainvomit
im just like
mourning
the narrowing of my future i guess
the narrowing of what i can do
ambition falling outside possiblility
without itself moving an inch

im gonna keep trying

it just sucks



thanks for readinf this junk
i probably left some loose threads unfinisged but idc its just vented steam
who gaf about anything
make the art you can
keep living until your body gives out
blah blah blah

if i was more annoying heres where id unpromptedly brag about not using "AI:

ive been sleeping
in my body
in my aprtment
ive been away
inside myself
i am not
what i want to be
i am
trying to form
good sentences
to maintain
online persona
aloof smarypants
what says words good
i dont say words good
i'm not good preformer
i want to come back
ive been away
stream of conciousness is hacky
who are you? what are we?
i love your art
i've neglected mine
i'm wasting time
i am wasting time
i've these things
in my head
i've these dreams
dreaming is lonely
i'm not a loner
little miss stagelight
little miss stagefright
i'm repulsed by myself
self repulsion is healthy
lingering in your body
lingering in your bedroom
i am flavorless
self indulgence is corrosive
self indulgence is beautiful
different kinds
indulgence in what you love
indulg3nce in your misery
dont be a fetterman
what can we do but be ourselves
what can we do
what is the point of this
i am not writing poem
this is just how i speak
i am discombobulated
i am special ed kid
i will not obsess over my hurt
i will not drown in done wrong to me
its not that important
its not that bad
wha
i meant to get a word across
i meant to send a sentiment
i dont know what it was

hello welcome my page

Happy Four Hours And Roughly Twenty Five Minutes Until Halloween At Time Of Writing, all you Ghouls and Fools [In The UTC-8 Timezone]! For the occasion, here's something truly spine-chilling: I've been chosen as a subject for issue 001 of OfReverence's "Media Creation for Dogs", a publication about Making Things On Internet.
You can read my interview here!
I was surprised to be offered this and enjoyed the experience very much, give it a read if you wish. Percieve my babblings! That's all. Thanks.
P.S.[A.]: Be careful not to fall for the classic Hallow's Eve trick of "Candy Hidden In Razor Blades" Tomorrow's Eve!

Would anyone be interested in some trial-run commissions sometime in the near future? something around $15-20 bucks a pop, one or two slots. Training wheels for a full run. Just gauging interest.

treat it like alchohol
Fun on the weekends! Addictive. Toxic to the body. Annihilates the organs. Terminal illness.
potent neurotoxin. cerebral liquefaction. self-induced dementia. Kill it. Kill it. Squash it. Squash it.
Plus: feeds that reactionary seed that sits in everyone. Rose glasses often pair well with brown shirts.
This is not the future "they"(???) took from you:

IT'S MARKETING, DUMBASS!!!!!!

STOP TALKING LIKE A FUCKING FASCIST ABOUT MICROSOFT ADVERTISING!!!!!!!!
don't become one of those humanoid underground dwellers who make memes about "Rejecting Modernity" and "Returning To Tradition" about mcdonalds architecture!!!
Shut! The fuck! Up! You sound like the dumbest human being on the planet!
its not good
say NO! to nostalgia!

its like we,re in the parking lot

whoops! oooops! oww! it dont work no more. i keep trying and it dosnt work. the lines come out wrong and bad. the shapes are hostile. what is desired cannot be captured. whooooops! ooopsie doopsie!

Have you ever been in a tussle with the donchyaknow boys?
Have you ever felt what it means to fly?
Have you seen, with your eyes, the bottom of a sea?
Have you ever jacked it to completion, and is it possible to finish?
Have you ever beaten a baby botfly to bits?
Have you ever lost something you can never ever remember?
Have you ever taken a life for corporate interests?
Have you ever had a glimpse of the future mainstream?
Have you ever shot yourself in the head?
Have you ever burst your bubble?
Have you ever touched the body of a Kennedy?
Have you ever lost?
Have you ever made your baby a bonnet?
Have you ever gone and fucked yourself?
Have you ever needed medical care?
Have you ever lost a flake of skin?
Have you ever been a bullet?
Have you ever
Have you ever done the bare minimum during a time of need?
Have you ever shit your pants at a Tom Cochrane concert?
Have you ever lost a bone?
Have you ever found a way home?
Have you ever made sense?
Have you ever killed a viceroy?
Have you ever broken a LEGO set?
Have you ever had a happy childhood?
Have you ever seen the birds fly?
Have you ever made her laugh?
Have you ever answered the riddle?
Have you ever touched the last face?
Have you ever heard the last question?
Have you ever spent a hundred hours crafting a bucket for ad revenue?
Have you ever been the lead singer of Radiohead?
Have you ever lost a thousand dollars in half a second?
Have you ever flown a bomberplane?
Have you ever found a reason to break a bottle?
Have you ever broke the noise?
Have you ever canned a cart?
Have you ever bunched your baby bustle bone?
Have you ever taken a dose of G-1293?
Have you ever beent?
Have you ever touched a Rodfellow?
Have you ever lost and lost and lost?
Have you ever randomly generated content?
Have you ever finished a free trial? H
Have you ever stayn awake for Quake?
Have you ever been comforted by the sound of Jerma985's voice?
Have you ever found a way to stop the noise?
Have you ever been driven to a rage by the sound of Jerma985's voice?
Have you ever mumbled murder?
Have you ever made a "YO MAMMA JOKE"
Have you ever been expelled?
Have you ever stopped thinking?
Have you ever been calm?
Have you ever understood?
Have you ever found sense?
Have you ever seen the future?
Have you ever seen that dark cloud on the horizon?
Have you ever seen the glow?
Have you ever heard breathing, holding your breath in an empty room?
Have you ever been shot rite thru with a boltar blue?
Have you ever been a worm?
Have you ever asked a question?
Have you ever thrown an XBOX across the room?
Have you ever broken a broken a broken a
Have you ever seen this reaction video? Reaction to Pink Floyd The Wall
Have you ever seen BIG SCREEN baby bq b2 ba md al
Have you ever seen HOUSE MD YOUTUBE CLIP
Have you ever thanked an audience for watching?
Have you ever found a fucking reason to
Have you ever to have you ever t
Have you sveer 2 awehen Wently? When stbnen?
Have you ever fought for self-determination in western sahara?
Have you ever made amends with your face?
Have you ever boiled the flesh of an egg?
Have you ever been a poem?
Have you ever cursed a star?
Have you ever seen the pain-star?
Have you ever touched
Have y
H



Have you ever
Have you ever made a youtube poop?
Have you been on an episode of Kitchen Nightmares?
Have you ever wished upon a dandelion?
Have you ever sucked a honeysuckle?
Have you ever made your mother clean your body?
Have you ever felt corrugated pipes?
Have you ever been in debt?
Have you evershaved your head?
Have you ever ripped your toenail off?
Have
Have
Have
Have
Have you ever pointed a machine?
Have you ever berated someone into tears?
Have you ever dropped your dentures?
Have you ever fired a son?
Have you ever tuched it?
Have you ever ever ever dreamed about a boy?
Have you ever grenade a thrown?
Have you ever chucked stuff?
Have you ever found a compelling conclusion, one that made it all make sense?
Have you ever noticed this flashlight had ONE tubes, not two?
Have you ever bought a human being?
Have you ever sharpened a pencil?
Have you ever dumped oil down the drain?
Have you
Have
have
Have
Have you
Have you met my friend?
Have you ever driv'n down late nite road on a summ'r even'ng?
Have you 2 or 3 or a pair for me?
GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO
Have you ever happen to you?
H

Who is https://www.furaffinity.net/user/mechanicalbirds ?
I think it is just some kind of crappy myth/urban legend.

hi

half that at most! surely! how on earth could it be two? there must be a mistake of some sort. perhaps 2023 and 2024 were the same year? one long year? perhaps these distinctions of this year and that year are not meaningful and i simply in the same period of my life. calenders don't measure that!

death anxiety intense enough to physically shake this body soothed by the final vlog of podcaster matt christman and obsessive replaying of the same 3 songs (incl. ABBA'S The Winner Takes It All) culminating in a moment of experience and realization never before processed in this brain and unable to be articulated using the language of the self
making art and having people give me attention for the art and say nice things about the art
playing team fortress 2 with furry strangers
sharing a virtual space with friends in modded minecraft (i do not like the videogame Minecraft at all but it's a place to share)
preforming squats and other such motions
the first 1 and a half seasons of "my little pony"
finding a really huge teddy bear at a thrift store
my grandma
the landscapes of central washington
really really really good tacos in ellensburg
getting really into planning a fallout game set in the inland northwest for a few weeks
burger i ate
my other grandma's cats
pink floyd's "the wall"
weird ass week where i was playing cod zombies and listening to system of a down because i became possessed by my 12 year old self i guess
wahching socpens on twitch
the music of SoGreatAndPowerful
seeing friends of mine who didn't previously know eachother become familiar as a result of me putting them in the same discord server
becoming close to my two dearest friends in the world
my friend caralees art and music
my friend beas art and music
my f (et cetera et cetera)
artfight!
space station 14 and the community surrounding the particular server
listening to episode 56 of the podcast Where Do We Begin? while hopping down the road in the middle of a manic episode
like a lot of space station 14
getting really convinced i had diabeties and then going to the doctor and being told i did not have diabetes (x2)
daisies (1966) viewed with a friend
popee the preformer viewed with the same friend
google streetview with friends
assorted voice and video calls with friends
big spider on my windowsill
smaller spiders on my cieling
like too much space station 14 way too much
the feeling of emerging from the longest hyperfixation of my life (Months)
going to the densist (they told me good job)
"i'm thinking of ending things" followed by "The Rodfellows Movie" on a laptop in a chilly candlelit bedroom during a power outage (i watched videodrome inbetween them but that film didn't really do anything for me)
"anthology of the killer"
realising it wasn't the fear of death making my chest shake all those months ago, i was just cold.
these old songs i've loved too long
really cozy hoodie
laughing
dreaming
washing dishes
talking to friends
talking about art
talking to friends about art
other things i forgot
aand you.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Woah

awwawa

my art, my characters, everything is free! take it! do what you want with it!
like something i drew? you can just make your own version! no need to ask! just do it!
everything is free!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
or literally just trace it! i do not care! you do not need to credit me!!!
EVERYTHING IS FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
you can just use characters i make. you can just take them. you can have them. they can live in your house too.
everything. is. free.
you can take my art. turn it into other things. use it in your things. do what you want. the doors are open. everything is free.
we are meant to play together.
no copyright intended. I own nothing.

im gona do it

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Mentally Oll

scrobble

never done
seems fun
whats the vibe
swag or bogus

WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF WHO AM I

hmmm...

a few of the people and dogs and other critters watching this account are like
some of my absolute favorite artists in the world period
and im infinitely infinitely flattered that they _{(maybe even you??)} like my art

MoDESTMOUSECARSEATHEADRESTNEGATIVLANDEVeRYTHINGEVeRYTHINGMgMTCLiPPING.TALKINGHEADSRADiOHEADtheRESIDENTSRENALDO&THeLOAFaJJDEADKENNEDYSANiMALCOLLECTIVEBRIGHTEYESDEATHCABFORCUTIEOUTKASTSCATMANJOHNABBALADYGAGAGIRLTALKNEILCICIEREGA/LEMONDEMONtheGARDENtheB-52StheWAITRESSESthePLASTICStheBUGGLESKLAUSNOMITHECARETAKERWARRENZEVONSLINTGORILLAZPILOTREDSKYI'VEMADETOOMUCHPASTaPATRICIATAXXoNSOGREATANDPOWERFULPINKIEPIEFROMMYLITTLEPONY aaand my friends :D ewww i can feel zits forming i have to stop listing things now and go to bed

ANDweESPECIALLYCALLFORTHEJUDGMENTINTHISHOURANDTHEDESTROYINGOFROCKMUSICdirectedSPECIFICALLYAGAINSTCHILDRENandWORKINGSPECIFICALLYTHROUGHTHESEINDIVIDUALSforWHOMWECALLFORTHEJUDGMENTINTHESACREDFIREINTHISHOURbeforeTHETHRONEOFALMIGHTYGOD

WELLLLLLLLLiwant to LISTEN TO MOOOOOOREmusic so,TELLL ME ABOUT YOOUUUUUUUURS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!![fals asleep][turns my computer off forever]

i like girls