First off (because I know if I don't do this I'm going to have four people try and slit my throat): This is not a bash to transgender roleplayers... think of it as more of a public service announcement. I'll try to be nice and keep in mind, I'm not bashing transgender roleplayers.

Truth be told? About 40% of the "females" in the furry community are dudes... 80% of the ones who freely yiff on a dime are dudes. This doesn't bug me. Granted I'm heterosexual and so is my character, but I learned a long time ago to stop asking questions (because I'll never find a real macro'd chick into excessive semen) and just accept the person on the other terminal is a dude. It isn't a bad thing, its just an effing role play. I do however understand some concerns from fellow heterosexual males. So let me educate everyone on what I understand (this of course coming from a third party person, and not a dude who pretends to be a chick [Shut up Arty, just because I had that pic commissioned of my dude as a chick!]).


Alright, first off. Let's start with the most fundamental of education. Transgender 90% of the time is a guy pretending to be a girl, the other 10 is a girl pretending to be a guy (veeeery rare, but I've seen it). Now then, why do they do it?

-They truly wish they were a girl: I'm not gonna hit anyone on the head with a rock for this. If you wish you were of the different gender, you do. Not much I can say there seeing as I wish I had an identical twin sister (yeah, I'm that in love with myself).

-Because yiffing is awesome: I'm not sure how much I agree with this one, but alright. This is a coin toss, I'd say 50% of the people who do it for this reason are straight gay, 25% bi, and 25% straight... but in a weird way. The straight guys doing it are probably doing it for community service. Something along the lines of "Oh dude! There's no hit chicks to yiff! I better take one for the team man! *grows a vagina and boobs*"

-Alternatives: Actually, on yiffy.tk almost every guy I know with multiple characters has at least one female. Generally its just an experiment.

-The reason I forgot: Yeah, I probably forgot your reason... shut up.

Identifying the gender of the person your yiffing: This is the section for completely heterosexual guys who want to avoid yiffing dudes pretending to be chicks as often as possible. Some of you transgenderers might be offended by this (because you're a sensitive little bitch), so you might want to skip down until you see the line starting with "continue reading here... you sensitive little bitch".

Catchphrases: Its really depressing, but the BEST way to tell is by what the person your yiffing says. Common catchphrases include, "hun" "dude" "awesome" "sexy". Like I said, its a bit depressing that the biggest red flag I get is if the person calls me hun in the first three things they say to me. I swear there's some transgender cult out there that's decided to make that a pet name for strangers.

Fetishes: This is another really easy and common one. Now I won't lie to you, the biggest den of transgender characters is the rabbit hole. Luckily, you can also check up on fetishes reaaaaaally easily here. The fetishes that will throw up the fastest red flags go as follows: "Excessive semen" "Anal sex" "Anal training" "Giving oral sex" "Being rimmed" "Macro cocks" "Macro breasts". It sounds a bit degrading to homosexuals, I know. But it also comes with more than a grain of truth. Not to be insulting, but unless they are superbly girly you'll also notice that "pregnancy" or "risk of pregnancy" is a "NO". Remember, the weirder the fetishes (outside scat, vore, etc...) the more likely its a dude.

Submission: Now don't ask me why, but for some reason a lot of transgenderers are submissive. Not much more to say here without being insulting, so I'll stop.

Yiff friendly: Not saying there aren't women with a huge sex drive, but guys pretending to be girls always tend to be more... yiff ready (unless of course they don't yiff as female... which is rare).

USER MOTHER FUCKING NAME: Watch this. This should be your first impression above all else. Names that ring "Man pretending to be girl" are easy to spot and will generally save you from doing something you don't want to. Sometimes it really blatant (one dude had the user name of JoshuaEdwin[at]yahoo.com or something), more times you have to read between the lines. User names with "shadow" "xX(name)Xx" "sexy(name)" "(name)girl". Its also easy to spot the flamboyant ones. Example of flamboyant names: "InnocentKittenchan" "Seducingvampiress" "Hornylovergirl" etc...

Continue reading here... you sensitive little bitch: Remember, this isn't a bash. Its an educational journal for you guys who don't want to yiff dudes pretending to be chicks. My philosphy concerning transgender characters? Unless I know for sure you're a dude (I see a pic of you, or you let me know you're a guy) I won't ask questions. Remember, the furry subculture already takes a heavy enough beating from the outside world who hates us for who we are (simple ignorance... something some of you might believe I just promoted).



*Runs from the transgenders who are insulted by something I tried to sugar coat as much as possible*

(disclaimer: I'm a cynical bastard who laughs at the misfortune of others, especially my own).

Ai, so I want to make one thing clear before I start this story. My online life never crosses with my life in the real world. What I do here does not affect what happens to me on the outside. It seems perfectly logical for me to have a girlfriend and then for my fursona to have his own separate mate because its two completely different people. Now then, onto the story.

So, it was late at work and I was telling my manager how I felt a bit bad because in a moment of weakness I had cheated on my girlfriend (I didn't sleep with anyone damnit, I just made out with a close friend). Though I won't justify this, it didn't happen simply because I had a hard on. It was a combination of her parents telling her I'm some sick bastard who isn't to be trusted (guess I proved them right) simply because I was Mormon and her never really seeming happy with me (yeah, relationship is effed, I know) because I didn't sleep with her (I kinda like being a virgin, thank you XD). When my manager heard that I was feeling like a jerk for cheating on her, he proceeded to tell me this:

October 31st I had plans to take said girlfriend to a halloween party. Two hours before I was going to pick her up, she calls and cancels, saying she doesn't feel well. Deciding, "Hey, we've only been dating a week, what reason would I have not to trust her" I was ok with it and went to go watch the House on Haunted Hill with my best friend. It turns out that not only did she go to said costume party, but she slept with some random dude who she had just met at the party (now keep in mind, this was before I started denying her sex) and not only didn't feel guilty about it, but had the nerve to tell me she loved me a day later (why she said that is beyond me *shrugs*).

Now, I'm not justifying what I did. But I think its hilarious that everyone at my job has known that my girlfriend has been cheating on me behind my back for almost 2 months now, and this is the first I've heard of it. It actually made me laugh and made me feel glad that I cheated on her. Why? Because I'm cynical.

Now, before you go "well maybe they wouldn't cheat on you if you had a soul" bear in mind that A) Even though I chose to become cynical, having almost every girl you date (especially the ones you kinda really begin to like) cheat on you helped a lot and B) I've been busting up laughing since I heard this (call it a defense mechanism).

It just makes me smile is all. I'm not bitter towards her, she just reiterates my "people will screw you if you're not always wary" theory. I'll admit its kind of depressing that I don't trust anyone anymore, but its kinda nicer than knowing people will fail you and trusting them not to anyway.


Anyway, I'm not depressed, nor do I need people to cheer me up, boo at her/me for being a horrible person/people. I just thought I'd share a story that made me lol.

Ai, keep in mind these stereotypes do not apply to everyone, just most people with these furries.

Lets start with the most generics and go to the least generics (this is also barring dudes who pretend to be chicks)

Wolves- This is your Male mary sue fursona. Not only are they generic as all hell, but most of the time they are born from some insecurity and belief if they were a great animal they'd be a noble pack leader.

Cats-House cats in particular are your FEMALE mary sue fursona. These girls are most likely to look the most dissimilar from their fursona.

Dragons- Are nerds who have an ego like "OMGWTF NO ONE TOUCH MY EGO D:" Generally you're going to see a dragon who believes they are the most unstoppable shite since... Jesus?

Horses- Walls of muscle with 3 foot dongs, what else do you need? Most horses I've seen are frat boys, and most female horses live on ranches

Cows- Lactating whores meant to be impregnated again and again, need I say more?

foxes- Almost every fox I've seen is a sub, I have yet to see one fox who isn't a sub or actually plays on the fox's intelligence

Jungle cats- A step up from cats, more guys tend to flock to this category than the house cats. Still, to believe you are any of the larger cats you have to have a God complex.

Dogs- Almost up there with wolves. These are actually your training wheels fursona (I used a Doberman for a while when I was debating a Clydesdale). You can't really hit someone for one of these as they generally don't stay with dogs too long.

Bunnies- See cows

Bats- Bats are actually kind of ok, if not for the fact that everyone who plays a bat is some gothic twat, I wouldn't have an issue with them.

Sonic furs- I can't yell at Mobians really, because as someone once put it: We're only paying tribute to the games we grew up on. Seeing as I grew up on the wonderful games of Sonic and Knuckles and Sonic R, I can't yell at them... until I see knuckles tails and sonic tag teaming rouge.

Pokemon/digimon furs- Its funny that I can yell at these guys and not the sonic furs. Why however? Because at least rouge had tits. I know you can "technically" give everyone tits in the pokemon world, but I'm sorry. Its so much easier to get a boner watching rouge get tripled than it is to watch Growlith get railed by Ash.

I'll add more later, and maybe one day I'll flesh this list out a bit.

While trying to be understanding of everyone I have decided to get to know sonic furs better. Initially I treated sonic furs in the same way I'd treat a pokemon fur, with extreme disgust and irritation, however; One of them said something that caught my attention.

"We're just furs who pay tribute to a dead series that touched our child hood" Whether that's crap or not, it made me realize. "Hey, wait a second.... I loved Sega growing up." So needless to say I'm going to make a sonic fur back-up so that my horse can associate with normal furs, and the new sonic fur can get along with those folks (no amount of justification will OK anyone trying to be a pokemon fur past the original 150... they've just been too horribly bastardized).

Needless to say, I need help. Anyone here a sonic fur that can help me out with this?

This thread brought some attention to me. Its a thread from my current favorite online game, and the sheer ignorance of the first post (I didn't bother to read the rest) and hateful bashing made me chuckle

http://www.leagueoflegends.com/boar.....ad.php?t=11946

Now, I have no idea what he was trying to prove, but the sheer idiocracy of posting a "Furries are like black people! They shouldn't be allowed to use our water fountains, play our games, or marry our women" in a "How can we make this game better?!?!" subforum seemed pretty ridiculous. Granted he could have been satirca, but I didn't care. I was satircal right back.

Don't bother reading the thread, just the first post, then my post at the end (I'm mekmaster there too). If you don't at least lol, then I've failed.

Alright, so my favorite commission artist in the world is completely booked up, that means I need one of you.

Its going to be a commission with two characters, my fursona and a bat (no sex, promise). I would like it colored (doesn't have to be shaded) and $25 dollars. I know I don't generally set the rules for how much someone charges, but this is all I have.

Alright, so I decided to leave buck futt Idaho and head over to Alaska for a couple of days (yes, I piss diamonds thank you for asking) with my father for a "business trip" (really I just think the man wanted to take me to Alaska to torment me with child hood memories a few months before my mission). Now while I was there I saw a lot of weird things (there are over 100 chinese buffets in Anchorage, but none of them open before 5 pm) in Alaska, but this took the cake.

First off, when I lived in Alaska six years ago (I continue to visit every Summer) there were three black families, two were mormon and went to my ward and the other family we were pretty sure was a myth. Not that I'm being racist by this statement I'm just saying that there were exactly three black families and about 11 black people in the Eagle River/Anchorage area. So now I come back six years ago and enter a mall (the northway mall, its an indoor outlet store) and realize I'm the racial minority in a white friggin state! Keep in mind I'm not racist, but when there's more black people in the Yukon than the white, I'm beginning to wonder if they know something about the lower forty eight getting bombed by terrorists I don't.

Back on topic: So first off I'm a minority, secondly I think I understand how racism really works. It doesn't matter what color someone is, if you aren't married to a minority and you are the majority you are going to naturally have a God complex so long as there are more of your colored people than there are of them. It really doesn't matter who can jump higher, run farther, do complex calculus in their head better, program the best robots, make the best technology, etc... at the end of the day racism for the majority is "heh, we're the majority," which the majority then acts on in their own way and for the minority its "oh shi- minority!" and acts in a way to stay alive. Nothing wrong with it, just humans.

Enough about racism though, that was not the issue or the main point of this.

Alright, so now I'm in a mall that is the rat-hole Mall of Alaska (not because black people are there XD) and I am wondering "WTF". Its not a bad place, I didn't feel threatened, but everything was off. There was a knife shop combined with a kimono dress shop that was selling the Aladdin special edition box set, a comic book store filled to the brim with comic books that were selling all for 2.50 a pop (any comic book they had, [even those super expensive ones I probably should have known about and bought so I could sell on ebay]), a store that was some weird hybrid between a thrift store, a community dumpster, and an appliance store (I seriously saw a Hannah Montana Binder next to a Doom 2 mod for Mac computers next to a worn bikini with a peculiar orange stain on one of the chest covers), and a store for the selling of marijuana (which is illegal in bulk in Alaska) and all its bi-products.

It was kind of an awkward experience, through it all I was able to acquire a pen knife that the sales man reassured me makes it through TSA screening because the blade looks like an ink pod in X-rays (God only knows how he knew that), DC comic focused around harleyquinn, two dreamcast games, and an illegal Doom 2 mod and still only spent 12$. Man I love Alaska.

Right... so I just made a second life account, and apparently all you witty bastards know so much more about it than I do (which is to be expected because the last MMO community I joined was focking battle.net). So, I need help. I assume I'm going to have two avatars, a human avatar and a furry avatar... so tell me. Where do I begin, and where do I find all you furry bastards?

Honestly people, I don't mind it when you post pics of yourself, but for the love of heavenly father (I'm Mormon, DON'T JUDGE ME!) make it possible to distinguish your gender.

I guess this isn't just FA's fault, but seriously.

Some people are so damn insecure that they pose funny and I end up having to flip through their gallery to figure out if I should say "Your a cute boy" or "Your a handsome Girl".

XD, makes no friggin sense.

Right, I keep forgetting I'm shite compared to all you good artists who have talent and use a paintbrush as your medium while I'm using a pen and words. Silly me, thinking what I did counted as art.

I won't make that mistake again, no not me. Sorry about that.

On a serious note: Still working on commissions, unfortunately I made an unprofessional move tonight and decided to play action sack on halo 3 with a bro instead of finishing a story I owe someone.

On a side note: It sucks being a Mormon furry. I swear to God I'm the only ACTIVE Mormon furry in the world, let alone the only Mormon furry who's about to (if not currently or has in the past) serve a mission.

As I write another commission I come across one issue. I don't exactly like to bring brand names into what I do. That's not to say I have no idea what I'm talking about, I simply like to keep it vague so that my stories may easily be looked at later and no one will be like "WTF is that store he is talking about?!?!"

I'll give you an example. I'm currently writing a story about a punk skater kid. I just came across a scene where he gets his first skateboard. I could easily have said "Jackson walked into ZumieZ with his mum and purchased a Zoo York 8 inch deck (not that I know anyone physically capable of ollieing an 8 inch wide deck, let alone a ten year old kid) with spit wheels and redz bearings with thunder trucks and a pair of DC D3's (I know D3's have gone out of style damnit, but we're talking ten years in the past back when skate shoes kicked ass!)" But I didn't, instead I said "Jackson walked into a skate shop, bought himself his first board and shoes, and left" (well, not like that, but you get the point.)

Later on I have to introduce the character to the punk scene. Now I can easily bring up the folk punk of Bad Religion, the classic punk of the ramones, the British punk revolution, or I could even throw in some punk bands from where I live like "drain the pool" and "the useless". But I don't, I leave it vague for a reason.

Also, if I'm writing a story for you I apologize it has not been finished yet. I won't give you any excuses, just an apology. It will be done by the end of the week!

Also, if you didn't already know I do trades in exchange for stories. I've begun to debate charging for my stories if you don't want to (or are incapable of) trading. I'm debating a rate of $5 a story, what do you think?

I've had two very messed up situations in the last week that have fallen under the same category. This category can be defined, subclassed, sub sub classed and sub sub subclassed.

Definition: Dating with age differences
Sub: Older guys
Sub Sub: Older guys dating younger girls
Sub Sub Sub: Guys over 18 dating girls under 18.

Scenario 1: My... associate is 17 and is dating a 23 year old college kid. When I heard about this the following situations occured.
Me: So she's seriously dating him?
Bro #1: Why is that so shocking?
Me: Because its a SIX YEAR DIFFERENCE
Bro #1: So?
Me: She's under 18 and he's 23! She still lives with her folks and he's chilling in an apartment outside of campus!
Bro #1: So?
Bro #2: You've liver a very sheltered life if you think something as typical as that is messed up man. Expand your horizons, that stuff is fine.


Scenario 2: My coworker is about to turn 17 Oct. 15th. We have a lot in common and therefore talk a lot. Here's what happened.
Coworker: Hey, watch yourself Nick
Me: uuuuhhh?
Coworker: She's only 16 Nick. That's a two year difference and she's jail bait to you.
Me: I'm aware, whats the problem?
Coworker: The boss and I were walking and we're not liking the set up you two have there.
Me: There's a set-up?
Coworker: Yeah, don't do anything with her, you could get in big trouble.

My complaint: In situation #1 I have the following issue. She is a punk and therefore dates punks (I'm being very general here, so forgive me if I classified her wrong). I don't know her boyfriend, I don't honestly know her too well. I'm a bit worried about her. Apparently I'm an idiot for worrying about her because nothing will happen between her and someone who hates authority and rules.

Situation #2 is completely different but there's a similar issue, just different people with it. I am not an idiot, my coworker is indeed 16 and I will make no advances because of it (not to mention she has a boyfriend). I will admit I'm a flirt, I flirt with everyone. I even flirt with the guys at my work. But I have never made any comments towards my coworker that were outside the realm of "Tee hee, you're cute," or "I enjoy your company", or even "We make a great team."

So I get turned into a criminal in two situations that are very similar no matter where I stand in all this. What am I doing wrong exactly?

I'll be blunt. I classify myself as the following:

-furry
-steampunk
-cyberpunk
-mormon
-techno junkie
-Raver
-gamer
-writer
-Musician to some degrees

Here's the really funny thing. Where I live the only cultures that are huge are the Punk cultures and the Mormon cultures (no I do not live in Utah damnit). Unfortunately neither of them go well together and I don't exactly dig either culture.

Its not that I don't appreciate punk music or mormonism. I love my religion (just not the self righteous blokes and blokettes who cloud it with all this self righteous crap that deters people away from it). And I don't mind punk, its just not my thing. My thing is dead in Idaho. Not to mention I'm a furry and Mormon (you try finding a girlfriend in the mormon religion who's open minded enough to be a furry.)

There are no furries, no steam punks, no cyber punks, no techno junkies or ravers (and the ones who are are jack asses with God complexes), no gamers (see ravers for info on this), I don't like to deal with other writers, and all the musicians disappeared when I graduated high school. To top it off I carry genes that contain albino characteristics and often have problems in the day light. It sucks where I am, and after four years of this crap I just can't stand being alone anymore. I have friends, I have about 5 close friends, but three of them are punks and the other two don't scratch the other categories.

It really sucks knowing there's no one like you.