Yeah, letting people know in case I forgot, since it got pretty cluttered with folks I knew from about 7~ something odd years ago.

Might make this my new, or my "private" MSN. Debating which.

I should have sent notes to people via FA, but if you think I missed you by accident, send me a note, and I'll respond to you ASAP.

And I'm apparently 423. (or just 23. XD) (January 20)

Well, in my timezone, it is midnight, (Friday) is my birthday. Yup. A special day. But I have noticed that a lot of my friends don't really pay attention to birthdays, or despise their own, using reasons like "It just means it's another year closer to DEATH! D8<"

Well, in my eyes it's not really that at all, if anything it's just a step forwards towards a grander future, a mark or experience stating that "We have survived on this planet for another year." At the same time, it's a good time for me to sum up what I have done, and what I haven't done after a good 365. (or 366 for those pesky Leap Years!) I've seen good friends come, and good friends leave, 'tis a fact of life.

So, yes, my first Birthday alone. Literally. Oh yeah, in case you new watchers, or people who just happened to stumble across this journal, I moved out of my little spot, and am currently living in an apartment by myself in Med School. (My friends know which college I'm in.) So yeah, if anything it's a humbling experience, yet thanks to the wonderful invention of 'teh intarwebs,' I can keep in contact with my close friends and family. And not to sound cheesy or anything, but... the love of my friends and family...

I wouldn't change it for the world, and it can only get better from here. So here's to the future, and another whole year!

Stay tuned for a possible Post-Birthday Journal. or not, if it was uneventful.

Edit: Skype says I'm 112 today. What the heck?

https://youtu.be/szxvbYWxlag

This is my Christmas gift to you guys. Yes, it's incredibly corny and super cheesy, BUT, there are some verrryy nice tidbits within, if you can spot them. Tell me what you think in the journal comments!

Two points if you know everyone in the video.

Edit: Uploaded the Christmas gift images!
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/7085031/ - My Little Christmas
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/7085109/ - A Keibin Christmas

P.S. Notification, someone has been posing as my character, (same clothes, general hair style, etc.) And apparently using my characters back story or unique clothing to 'scam' free art from people. If you know who it is, please send me a note.

I surprisingly don't have a lot of things that belong to me, aside from clothing, my furry stuff (Tail + badges and sketchbook), and my computer. So, tonight / Saturday morning is PROOBBALY the last anyone will see of me online, (Although my dad bought me a brand new mini laptop. ... I'm not joking. I woke up and he said, "here!" ... well, I'm okay with that.)

I do not plan on having the internet, and I have not started packing yet either. I'm going to the UPS store to get a box large enough for my PC, I'll pack my clothes with it to help with the padding or something. Aside from that, uhm... saying my good byes to friends and family.

Some folks have been insisting that I have internet, but it'll be incredibly difficult, as I'd have to wire up my own internet to my own apartment six floors up, not to mention other bills with NO income, so it... it'll be a bit before I even consider it.

So to those I haven't given a personal good bye to...

Au Revoir! Aufedersein! Hola! Sayonara! And a good ol' fashion American, Good bye.


P.S. If I do get internet, I promise to say hi and drop on by with status update. Reason why I'm making "such a big deal" about this, is simply because the future is unsure and hazy. And frankly, being in my comfort zone in my standstill life in the present isn't cutting it. So I take a deep breath and take a plunge. For good, or bad. Also I'll be continuing to improve my drawing, so thanks to those who've helped me out improve my art styles. and .

I'll miss you all, but ya know, sometimes you take the jump into the darkness in order for a brighter future. :D (Also if you and I parted on a bad note, it will stay that way and I don't want to see you come near any of my friends or family again. You know who you are.)

Much love for my family, pets, and close friends over at Gamers' Asylum. I hope you guys will remember when I'm gone, or unavailable for long periods of time.

Edit: After a long and heartfelt massive group chat on Skype, some presents were sent, hugs and the like were to be had. Despite a lot of what I had thought, as hard headed as I was, I never knew that I had such a massive impact on everyone's lives. It's almost poetic, if not cliche how one person can change the world. Or at the least, a single person's world, even for a moment. How I managed to find some great friends, I'll never know. But at the least, they will be unforgettable.

P.S. Knowing my freakin' weirdo luck I might end up getting snippets of internet here and there. The more I say something isn't going to happen, it happens. Whether in my favor or not. *shrugs* Life is weird like that.

Well, on the 15th/17th au revoir to my friends and family (E-ones included!)

Well, let me clarify for those who are reading..

While I'm was away for the month during the summer, I was visiting family over in Asia, (Apparently I'm not allowed to say where, so I'll leave it as such) And I was given approximately two decisions in my mind, as I can't stay in my current household due to... "stress" issues between my family and myself. (Also I will use ellipses a lot because that's actually how I 'talk' as well as type, so pardon the triple dots of insanity.)

So, I have two options in front of me as of right now, so long story short, unless something miraculous happens, I won't be in my current address past 2012. (I'll lose my mind if I do, I'm not remotely joking on this, the hypocrisy and insanity floating around my household cannot even be described. Folks who've Skype'd or vented with me for at least a year can attest to it.)

Option 1:

I "disappear" and I say that because due to previous engagements, I may or may not have access to the internet, and going to pay to use the cybercafe isn't very smart due to the only things I'd do with it is check mail, say hi to folks, and that'll only last for a few minutes at max, and ... well, I'm cheap like that, plus Medicine isn't something that you can really... well, pass. I want ya to go ahead and think, or even look, I ask you to LOOK for anyone who's studying medicine, doing well, and is online, even -remotely- as much as I do. For approximately 7-8 years. I GUESS I'll check up and the like, but the likelihood of me having internet at wherever I'm living (There are many issues that have arisen since then, such as a certain person not being able to keep up his end of the deal because of lack of commitment.)

But hey, it'll be worth it in the end right? I'll be ... happy? I guess with the job choice, and be able to enjoy it with anyone who's left who remembers me after that long period. Not that I expect to be remembered (Life issues, new people, new experiences, etc.)

Option 2:
I drop that idea, cut all ties to my original household, and move in with a friend, on the other side of the country. I'll be online a whole lot, but the issues are, that I have to pay for rent. (Even if I didn't have to, I'd pitch in any way I could anyway. I'm no slouch. Not in my nature.) .. problem is, wouldn't be able to afford school, nor would I qualify for any of the scholarships. And loans for medicine... I wouldn't be able to finish paying off until I was 65. (Why can't I qualify for any of the "help me?" scholarships? Ask what my father's and mother's profession is. It wouldn't LET me qualify even if I told them.) And no offense to my dear friends, or those who have jobs like that, but working retail isn't exactly what I'd call an 'end game,' if you know what I mean.


Needless to say, I'm heading out soon, and I have yet to pack all my stuff. ... surprisingly, for the past decade, the only things I have to my name, are my electronics (PC, 3DS... uh.. wow, that's it.) my clothes. And about eight books, as well as my con/furry stuff, which can all fit into a backpack. Trying to tie up some loose ends on my end and well, say my good-byes, JUST in case, I have no internet where I go.

And frankly, Option #2 is becoming more viable, as I know, that unless my dad agrees to our original engagement (yeah the guy I mentioned from before) I won't succeed at #1, due to ... the locale, for the lack of a better term off the top of my head.

While this little journal may not make sense, or even affect a majority of you, this does affect the subtle few that I do care about. If those certain individuals wish to contact me on my more private E-mails for faster, quicker if not "for certain," responses. Will probably edit this later, for more info. Or not.

Yes, I know that Option 1 is the "right thing to do" but ... bleh. (Also venting is therapeutic)

I'd also like to state that I'll still be there, until then. So if you'd like, you can tell me your good-byes, or scream and cuss at me. Why'd you'd want to do the latter is beyond me, but hey, whatever works!

I will add more later. Seriously.So check back in a few hours or whatever.

Got home. Got into fight. PC won't run right. 102 degree fever. Sore throat, cough, congestion and sludden bouts of fatigue and dizziness. Sleeping now. Hi guys. zzz...

Will write up story later. I went to Tokyo,so it'd be anice thing to read.

Well, if you've been keeping tabs, you know what's going on. Especially to the ones that whole heartedly(sp?) support me, and to them, I thank you from the deepest wells of my heart.

Anyway, in case you don't know, the entire reason for the 'family trip' was that my mother's 40th college reunion at her Nursing school was here. So my folk, whom haven't been to their home country in a long while decided to go.

Anyway, aside from the fiasco in Beijing, everything else turned out alright. Not the best, but far far from the worst.

When to my mother's cousin's house for a few days, met her three kids, and she runs a business from her house in Manila. Not bad, took a day-long trip on a ferry for Cebu. (Not bad of a trip, but the ups and downs of the boat was making me motion sick) free food, (seriously, they give you a meal ticket that gives you breakfast, lunch and dinner. I wasn't even hungry yet before it was time to eat again. Heh.)

After that, got into my uncle's 4x4 truck thing and headed to my current residence where I've been staying as of he past two weeks or so. During that, I went to a beach 'resort' (not what you'd think) for a night, followed by one night of incredibly expensive looking (and tasty) food. And that concluded my mom's reunion, and a day later, she was off to head home. However, my dad (having discussed this last month) was keeping my sister and I for another week (apparently it was two, but hey, he's not counting)

And wandering around , I noticed that Cebu City had three malls in incredibly close proximity. As in, four blocks MAX from each other close proximity. And colleges. So my dad, having the same idea with me, visited some of the medical schools in the area, CDU, CIM(cit?) and after a few days managed to get me into the entrance exam for CDU. And says that if I pass, I'll be living here. And after a week of searching around and comparing prices, there's a three room condominium (to own!! D: ) with a reservation slot with MY (yes my, as in, it's in my real name, in terms of ownership) name on it. But being as I am, continue to search for anywhere with an even BETTER location (the current building is literally stone's throw away from the school) and even cheaper than the incredibly good deal they offered for it. Oh, plus a new 2011 car. Since I will need to drive around to the malls for shopping goods, etc.(What that car is, don't know, I thought it was a Prius, but it turns out my dad only rented it for the stay)

So... why not a single condo, or anything like that? Well, in case a friend shows up. ^^; I'm an idiot like that, but if the friend can't show, oh well. That's life! :3 I'm way determined if anything to pass the courses anyway more than anything so I can have this sense of fulfillment that I DID something. I leapt out of my comfort zone (that is, a place to stay and lots of A/C. XD I'm keeping that.) to take on a life challenge head on. Oh, yeah, in case you didn't know, my original major was and still is MEDICINE.

Afterwards my dad drove around and around to see his "old neighborhoods" and all that, and well, needless to say, he was shocked. I believe the two more used sentences were: "Oh my god, don't tell me..." and "I don't believe it." He used to talk and talk about how many miles he used to walk as a kid to get to school, and how much he scrimped and saved for a movie or a haircut, that kind of thing. (Now I don't like my parents much, but I still love them because they are my parents, and their life gave me mine, so I really can't hate them or anything. And yes, this is the mentality that they instilled within me as I grew up. woo.. mind control. XP) But we also went to visit his family graves. And was also pretty shocked to still see some of his older family still ALIVE, let alone being still as sharp as a tack, and maintaining if you not even larger amount of land/properties that they began with. (My father, believe it or not is 62. ... yeah he's old, so if his great uncle is still kickin' and his aunt.. yeah)

But as I passed over the mausoleum and looked at all the graves that ha his middle name on it, ... boy, I can see the kind of 'legacy' I apparently have to live up to. His father was a Captain in the navy during WWII, his aunt was a scientist, his uncle was an engineer, and boy does my dad have an extended family. My uncle's and Aunts, all across the board from my mother's side and my dad's as well. My oldest Uncle, (his two daughters, a pharmacologist and some.. bigwig over at Nvidia or something in Cali), is also a Chemical Engineer, my dad is a doctor, my mother's a nurse, my aunt's, Nurses, Doctors, Engineers, Architects. Their kids, Nurses (yeah medicine is big this generation. :/) still in college to be a doctor, a physical therapist, pharmacologist, programmer, engineer, heck, even my zaniest of all my cousins has had her designs featured in Time and Broadway! (Kristine is her name, dunno if she has some fancy doohicky of a fashion artist's name or anything) even my brother (yeah, I have a half-brother) graduated top honors a few years back from USF (University of Southern Florida) with an engineering degree.

I have .. a lot to live up to.

Anyway, I'm still alive and kicki- OH RIGHT.

If I pass the entrance test this Monday, I'll be starting school here in November. Not the June 2012 I was planning. .. yeah that is incredibly sudden.

I just hope I'll be able to make something of myself.



tl;dr:

Alive. Entrance test. School in Nov if passing. Moving, schooltime woes, big things to live up to.

Quick status update.

After moving abot 400 lbs worth of "stuff" onto a van we rented, we drove off at about 2 PM EST, and got to La Guardia airport at a good time. Plane ride from there to Chicago O'Hare airport, and switched flights to a pretty big Boeing 747. (777?) 15 hours worth of a plane ride ( Plus a "three course meal" + all the caramel fudge brownies we cou edt! o.o) and a couple of those snack sandwiches, we got off at Beijing INternation Airport.

( and now this crappy laptop which I borrowed from my dad, is now at about 4% battery life, and the mouse is STUCK for some stupidly rediculous reason)

Due to a mis communication from the staff at the airport, we got redirected to the wrong terminal. So we were delayed / late by an entire hour. We even asked where to go, and were suggested to use the free shuttle. However, a .. staff? Taxi? Driver? Something liek that, said that we would be extremely late, unless we took a taxi. He took his own car (Or at least I think it was his) and said, "Normally I charge $60, but for you, I take you for 40, we beat the bus there.") and probably somethign you'd expect from a movie happened.

We sped off, and I swear, drove past so many red lights, and pedestrians, honking his horn, in the slightly drizzly foggy weather, at from what I can guess to be 70 miles an hour, from one terminal to another. We gave himm $40 (+tip, because it was awesome.) and got to the flight. However, where we were supposed to get our ticket, SURPRISE! They closed up early for some strange reason, even the other airline booths were puzzled, since they're supposed to pack up once the flight left. And because of that, we couldn't get our tickets.

because of some very kind staff, we were able to go "behind" the lines to get to the offices "in the walls" of our airlines (Philippine Airlines btw) and surprise, no-one was home. So we were stranded in beijing, with no Chinese Visa (because we were supposed to be in transit, so we didn't need it) so after talking with local security on what to do, they suggested a hotel if we couldn't get any flights because of their rule, on the back of the Departure Ticket (Your'e supposed to write down the info, etc.) and it's basically, if we stayed for mroe than 24 hours in the airport, we would be forced to use the Airport Hotel, otherwise, we'd be given free accomodations!




At the local police precinct. Yay.

So after a harrowing and somewhat daunting task of wandering around the terminals at about 2-8 AM trying to "correct" my dad's lack of being able to communicate that doesn't involve getting angry/annoyed or flailing his arms around. (He's make a terrible diplomat.) and speaking FOR him, (Talking slow, making prop-er hand gestures, pointing, etc.) I managed to help us get plane tickets out. Unfortunately, from my own pocket, since my mom's visa card was denied (it even said, "DO NOT HONOR") in giant letters, so there goes about 8129 or whatever Yuan (Chinese /hong kong currency) which translated to -$1,487 USD. Woo. After that, we had to go and find where the 400 lbs of boxes my mom packed, jam it into two trolleys, and drag them around to where I am right now. Waiting outside the terminal where we are supposed to check in. in about 30 minutes or so, we'll be able to see if we can bring those stupid boxes (filled with lotion, clothes, books, etc.) for "charity" (I swear my mom jsut wants to get rid of our stuff at home.)

So I'm basically broke, my folks continue to say, "Stop playing games!" where I'm trying to figure out the contact details of our previous airline, so I can demand a refund due to their negligence of leaving early, etc.

Though the chances of me getting online again is insanely slim, I'll try to periodically post a journal or ask one of my fam (Keibin family. x3) to tell folks how I'm doing, if luck permits me to do so.

Alright, well batts are dying. So, see you everyone! And keep on truckin'. :3


Ho ho ho. this just in. Remember those packages? (this is two hours after everything posted above) my mom said she'd rather kill herself or go to jail than to "leavve her stuff behind." So, in short I have no idea where my mom or dad got into their head that this was 80 kilograms a PERSON, when it fact I told them it was 20. I tried to correct them both, but instead they got pissed at me, and got all "SHUT THE FUCK UP YOULL JINX US." So in short, another $636 flies out of my moth eaten wallet.



I'm in the red with my bank. RF's not possible, sorry. pissed off, and blargh. (Also they claim that they're not paying me back because this was the amount I "owed them" for my own plane ticket.



tl;dr:

Flat Broke, RF Not happening, Parents despise me, weather sucks, Meph irritated.

Hope you guys are having fun though. (Seriously. :3)

Get the little things outta the way: https://flattr.com/thing/344533/Mephis-on-Flattr

There ya go. Now, about the absence.

To those who know, this is confirmed, to those who don't, this is a 'well hi thar. I forgot to mention..." post.

Starting on July 20th (or 21st, depending) I will be un-contactable for at the very, very, base minimum, three weeks. Where am I going? I'm heading off to the Philippines to apply at PU, for my degree. Depending on if I'm even remotely considered or not will shape my future. Why three weeks? Because I have to go there with my folks, during the duration of their 'vacation.'

And as I said, I cannot be contacted period. Maybe on a .01% Chance I might be able to grab net from a cafe while traveling around, I'll pop on a messenger and check my E-mails. Aside from that, this is your advanced notice! And those of you who do know what happens if I'm not back after FOUR weeks know what to do. :D

Say what ya need to say, or forever hold your peace. :3

Back from AnthrCon, (surprise!) and .. well, for the lack of a better term, just the journey to GET there, meeting up with a certain kitty :neybulot:, I was able to hang out. I have to also give many, many many thanks to a good friend  serp for allowing me to stay in his hotel room for the duration (of course I still owe him money)

Nonetheless, it was an amazingly refreshing time. I actually genuinely had fun, even though I partook in very few panels, I met a .. wow, I can't for the life of me remember his name, or if I even knew it, but exposed me (shield your eyes! D:) to golden Dragon Inn, a very, VERY amusing tabletop game, that I should highly recommend you grab if you have roomies or friends. I had an amazingly fun time. the TF Jam was amazing. A lot of my favorite artists were there and we talked 'shop' for the lack of a better term, and many if not all of them (Plus a new comer to the scene!) were all great and fun to chat with. ( I got approximately 3 hugs from  catmonkshiro and 'hung out' a little with them in our hotel room.  Angrboda Was REALLY fun to chat with. (oh so serious! x3)  Comus  LunarKeys  Ripk And a bunch of other friends of theirs were there. The Transfurmation's panel was great fun too. I think almost all the seats were filled at one point (.. 52? 62 people? I miscounted)

Also chatted and talked with some of my other online buds  yifferfox /  badgerben and even met some people I never expected would be there, like a certain toucaroo hipster. *cough  daef cough*It was brief, but yeah. He had sunglasses bigger than his effing face. it was fun! I spoke a little with  MissMab at her tabley thing, snagged two comics called the Confectioners from the RingTail productions thing, and got a quickie sketch of myself as a Confectioner. (I'm made out of Tiramisu! o.o) another highly recommended comic to read. It's fun for all ages as well.


-=-=-
Needless to say, I was able to have a quick heart to heart chat with my kitty pal, and well, it cracked open some old forgotten memories and feelings I haven't had in a decade. Seriously, I literally felt like "old Meph." if anyone knew me long enough, they'd be -very- surprised to see me act like that. And, to be quite frank, it's very refreshing. ^^

I would like to toss a shoutout to many of my good friends who've helped me, and supported me through my dramaticness. 'specially my family, and close friends. I really needed their support through my trying times, and never again should I fall back into the dark pit I was wandering around the edge of for so long.

And for that, I thank you all. *bow* Without your genuine love and support, I might have just fallen to the wayside and become forgotten.

Warning warning. Ranty rant police. You are being warned!


If you don't know me, REALLY well, then don't look! Also apologies if you watch me for my 'fun' normal art stuff!!



Ya know what, fuck pleasin' people, being humble and being kicked around like an old can. Breaking who I am to the point of me not knowing who I am anymore. The deceit, the crap, the bending over backwards and grasping my own ankles with my eyeballs bullshit that I normally do to 'make people smile' only to have them turn their back on me in the end.



I have to figure out the differences between my loves and to live. Straining the point where I see nothing but my loves (gaming, friends, a relationship, etc.). I don't have time for that right now. My loves are straining my life. And I have to live in order to find some stability for my loves. So I'll have to find a good balance.



As a friend told me, my friends, loves, etc. are nothing more than a pillar to a foundation. My foundation has deteriorated to the point where people who have known me don't know what I am anymore, or see nothing but the lies, which aren't really lies... but, bleh it's complicated. Nonetheless, it was a like a very delicate mirror. A long time ago, I shone, bright, and true. However, was very delicate. I was prideful, easily irritated, disheartened and weak. I would shatter quickly, however, as of right now, I am hell of a lot tougher, but the luster and 'truth' were marred and side-ways glance things, downplaying or overhyping things that back in the day, I just ... let it happen.



Balance. I have to find it, in myself, before I have to find someone else, to complete who I am in my journey down the line into the unknown. I'll find that someone that will complete me, or they'll find me. But I have to figure where I stand first. Maybe then people will no longer take what I say at face value, but take it at what it really was worth long ago.

Simply because some people don't "know enough" about me, nor my past. So, ... uh. here ya go.


If you have 00-10 ... write [I'm a goody-goody]
If you have 11-20 ... write [I'm still a goody-goody]
If you have 21-30 ... write [I'm average]
If you have 31-40 ... write [I'm a bad kid]
If you have 41-50 ... write [I'm a very bad influence]
If you have 51-60 ... write [I'm a horrible person]
If you have 61-70 ... write [I should be in jail]
If you have 71-80 ... write [I should be dead]
If you have 81-90 ... write [I got a ticket to Hell]

HAVE YOU...

[ ] smoked
[ ] consumed alcohol
[x] slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex
[x] slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex
[ ] kissed someone of the same sex
[ ] had sex
[ ] had someone in your room other than family
[x] watched porn
[x] bought porn
[ ] tried drugs

TOTAL SO FAR: 4

[ ] taken painkillers
[ ] taken someone else's prescription medicine
[x] lied to your parents
[x] lied to a friend
[ ] snuck out of the house
[ ] done something illegal
[x] felt hurt
[x] hurt someone
[ ] wished someone to die
[ ] seen someone die

TOTAL SO FAR: 8

[ ] been to a wild party
[ ] been to a Mardi Gras parade
[ ] drank more than three alcoholic beverages in a night
[ ] had a spring break in Florida
[ ] sniffed anything
[ ] wore black nail polish
[ ] wore arm bands
[x] wore t-shirts with band names
[ ] listened to rap
[ ] owned a 50 Cent CD

TOTAL SO FAR: 9

[ ] dressed gothic
[ ] dressed girly
[ ] dressed punk
[ ] dressed grunge
[x] stole something
[ ] been too drunk to remember anything
[ ] blacked out
[ ] fainted
[ ] had a crush on a neighbor

TOTAL SO FAR: 10

[x] had a crush on a friend
[ ] been to a concert
[ ] dry-humped someone
[ ] been called a slut
[ ] called someone a slut
[ ] installed speakers in a car
[ ] broken a mirror
[ ] showered at someone of the opposites sex's house
[ ] brushed your teeth with someone else's toothbrush

TOTAL SO FAR: 11

[ ] considered Ludacris your favorite rapper
[ ] seen an R-rated movie whilst being underage without your parents consent.
[ ] cruised the mall when you were forbidden to do so by those in authority
[ ] skipped school
[ ] had surgery
[x] had an injury
[ ] gone to court
[ ] walked out of a restaurant without paying/tipping
[x] caught something on fire
[ ] lied about your age

TOTAL SO FAR: 13

[ ] owned/rented an apartment/house
[ ] broke the law in the police's presence
[ ] made out with someone who had a GF/BF
[x] got in trouble with the police
[x] talked to a stranger
[ ] hugged a stranger
[ ] kissed a stranger
[ ] rode in the car with a stranger
[x] been harassed
[x] been verbally harassed

TOTAL SO FAR: 17

[x] met face-to-face with someone you met online
[x] stayed online for 5+ hours straight
[ ] talked on the phone for more than 4 hours straight
[ ] watched TV for 5 hours straight
[x] been to a fair
[ ] been called a bad influence
[ ] drank and drove
[ ] prank-called someone
[ ] laid on a couch with someone of the opposite sex
[ ] cheated on a test

GRAND TOTAL: 20/90

... I'm a what? A goody goody?

oh well. There, now you know a little bit more about me.

Check out this nice person doodlin' free arts for us crazy folks:
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2384451/

The Rules:
- You must post these rules.
- Each tagged person must
post 10 things about
themselves on their journal.
- You have to choose and tag
10 people and post their icons
on the same journal.
- Go to their pages and tell
them you tagged them

1) I am me online. Literally.
2) I'm Philipino/Asian. Surprise! I'm not caucasian.
3) I believe chivalry is taking a nap, but wakes up in random times.
4) I never break a promise. Period.
5) I used to play games professionally. (Surprise! I need a hobby)
6) I like sweets, but can only intake a small amount before my throat burns.
7) I'm actually pretty good at cooking. (French trifecta!)
8) I have an aspiration to be a doctor / nurse. (That's being on hold unfortunately)
9) I swear I see shapes moving in the dark sometimes.
10) I have an insanely tough time sleeping.

Curse you Kels!

... yup. 22. Though if you look at my dogtags that I apparently own now, I'm 422. (really, 22) Weird huh? Guess the carver guy mis-read my 9 and put in a 5, (1989) but hey! That works for me!

I don't expect to get anything, s'just another number that represents how old I am.

*insert positive rantspeech here about life, time, age and other positive and things that involve being kind and things here*













... woo.

http://iwl.me/b/ce65a7ad

Interesting, I have to say, as Margaret Mitchell (should you know who she is,) is the author of Gone with the Wind, (Frankly My dear, I don't give a damn.)

Here's what I wrote, and quite frankly, I don't like it. It's cliche, it's confusing and as far as anyone else knows, it's way stereotyped.







"We won't make it." she said, peering over the battlements, two armies waging their war across the what otherwise would have been a bright and peaceful field, marred by the mud of the rain, and the blood of the fallen. So much was the bloodshed here, that even the sun seemed to bleed, crimson marking itself across the sky, a hue of unnatural proportions.
The small group huddled together, each looking at one another, as if an answer to their plight would be pulled from each others tired and worn gazes, eyes seeming to be as if tired, very tired, their bodies had gone for days without rest, carrying each other, to speed up their journey, to put the madness the war had became to an end. Armor dented, hair dirty, weapons worn, they hadn't stopped for anything, save for minute moments when they had to eat, or a pause had occurred in the lull of the creaking metal, and screams of the fallen.
"We have to make it." Everyone's eyes shifted straight forward towards the one that had led them here, the one that brought them together. "We've made it so far," he muttered, fatigue, showing itself even in his words. Harsher, yet with the same tone that had brought them together. "You all know as well as I do, that we all have a duty, a dream to end this gods-forsaken war and to restore peace to the nation." a tired and rather wheezy cough punctuated the end of his statement, as he too wearily stood up from his position to peer over at the chaos. "If we do not, then this..." he made a sharp gesture with his hand, waving towards the field. "... is our future." he crouched down again, resting his back against the timber, looking down at his feet before gazing back at his comrades, friends. "I'm weary of war, the stench of blood, and the sound of screaming." his lips' corners tilted. "Should we fail, then I have failed you all."

Because someone wanted to know. Really badly. ... to the point of spamming me.

A lot.

Warning: You will see language I don't usually portray, or use in a casual situation, language advisory, and some may see a ... different side of me as I answer these questions. First answer will state my 'professional' opinion (on some things, considering my career choice) / the normal way I talk. The second, the way I -feel.-



[01] Do you have the guts to answer these questions and re-post as The Controversial Survey?
Yes, I do.

<I'm here aren't I?>

[02] Would you do meth if it was legalized?
Considering that some of the effects that meth abuse are disturbed sleep, excessive excitation, excessive talking, panic, anxiousness, nervousness, moodiness and irritability, false sense of confidence and power, delusions of grandeur leading to aggressive behavior, uninterested in friends, sex, or food, aggressive and violent behavior, and severe depression.

Fuck no, and fuck you guys who are using it.

[03] Abortion: for or against it?
There are quite a few of people who require abortion, not necessarily as an 'escape' as opposed to as a medical need, due to complications that would arise in child birth, risking the life of the mother, or something to that extent.

<Depends. If you're some fucking slut who got pregnant from banging a bunch of guys then screw you, you deal with the baby. If not, via rape or something to that extent, then I suppose so.>

[04] Do you think a country would fail with a female president?
It doesn't matter the gender, as opposed to the person behind the podium, and in doing so, that person the podium was elected through the American populace.

<Who the fuck cares about the GENDER? If people vote for him/her/it, then s/he's the president! Bitch and whine as much as you want, but unless people actually -do- something about it (within reason) it's not going to change now is it?>

[05] Do you believe in the death penalty?
Considering that the death penalty was and still is the 'final' stop for prisoners who refuse to reform to 'society,' as it is, and continue their (commonly) violent urges, then yes, I suppose that it would be a better expense as opposed to converting the tax dollars to keep them fed.

<Repeat rapist? Repeat murderer? Baby killer? Serial killer? Drug lord? Yeah. Go fry. Now.>

[06] Do you wish marijuana would be legalized already?
No.

<Considering that I'm going/in already within the medical community, I suppose that it does have it's upsides, and it's downsides. I have done the research and filled out the 'reports,' but quite frankly, even if it was legalized, like anything 'controlled' people would just find a way to get it easier. Though, not too much of a bad thing, though, for some odd reason, I have a -great- disdain for drug users, and hopefully a nice overdose would snap them into reality, or kill them. Hopefully the latter. Though oddly enough, as far as I"m concerned, as long as I don't get wind of it, go fucking crazy, I don't care.>

[07] Are you for or against premarital sex?
Considering that with-holding a vow, a promise, that 'saving' yourself for that one particular person not only shows a massive amount of willpower, but also devotion and dedication to the betrothed, that lust can be triumphed by -love- itself, is quite something to be treasured, and can and will save -quite- the few relationships.

<As stated above. Though, there are far too few exceptions within my book. Probably about one or even two. One, being raped, since that is not actual sex. Cherishing the love that a person has and promising, swearing, that until the knot is tied, (har har) there won't be any of that crap drama that I've grown so used to hearing, and have read on some random journals I've read, drama, promises, and swearing. Quite frankly, if you have boyfriends, fuck 'em, then leave 'em, You're trash. a slut, and nothing more than a whore, the scum of society sucking on the cock of those who can't get any / those who HAVE tied the knot, but not getting enough. I'm a weirdo freak like that. hate me now?>

[08] Do you believe in God?
As supposed to any organized religion, there might be someone or some-thing- out there, perhaps.

<I believe that there is a deity, somewhere, but I will not rule out completely evolution or anything to that extent, considering that most of the religions that aren't completely batshit insane (coughcoughScientologycough), all have some thing common at it's core. "Being a good person." The ten commandments, some of the teachings of the Jewish Bible ( Tanakh? ) All point to the same direction of being a good person. The stories, the teachings, generosity, compassion, caring and love for your fellow man, for some sort of reward at the end of life. I'll be honest, if there is a heaven, or even a hell waiting for me, then at the very least, I'll have gone by knowing I have helped people, through my donations, my community service, even a smile or a 'good day to you.' And if I just rot in the ground, then, well, that's that. Same reason as stated previous.>

[09] Do you think same sex marriage should be legalized?
Legalized? Considering that the -term- "Marriage" is the formal bonding of a man and woman within the church, I don't suppose it ever will honestly.

<Tough one. There's already civil unions, or heck, Canadian weddings. Whatever floats your fancy, go for it. I'm not going to judge, nor will I ever. Do what you will that makes you and your 'significant other / chosen someone,' happy. But as I had also stated, the definition itself is the bonding between a man and woman. Is it that big of a deal that the CHURCH that probably doesn't even accept you as you are, accepts that you are formally bonded under it's roof? Hey, if it turns out that way in the future, then more power to ya, but until then, all it is, is but an opinion.>

[10] Do you think it's wrong that so many Hispanics are illegally moving to the USA?
No comment.

<Let them come, let them come by the droves, I don't mind, BUT, as far as I'm concerned, pay the taxes, get registered. Don't come whining or bitching that they're not 'treated fairly' as anyone else. They came here illegally, yes yes, I say that they all deserve the same basic human rights, don't treat them any different, I support that. But, they should not be allowed -every- right that a normal US citizen has, such as voting, or things of that sort. They can't complain about healthcare, considering that if they come around the ER bleeding or in dire need of healthcare, through the ER they will be treated. Probably won't get the room with the AC and the 30" TV, but yeah. It is illegal, and against the Doctor's code to refuse to treat someone within the ER. Hell, there are free clinics around, go use them and the generosity of the doctors and nurses on staff there. 'Cuz, ya know. It's not like you're paying for their services. They volunteer or sometimes it are funded through community and government grants.>

[11] A twelve year old girl has a baby, should she keep it?
That's quite unfortunate, and I hope that the parents are around to help take care of the child, and the newborn. If not, then the only thing to do, is give it to a childcare worker, or a foster family, something to that extent.

<If she was a victim of rape, she has my condolences. If she just wanted to get it up and got pregnant through that, then you fucking live with that child for the rest of your life you fucking twat of a girl. And before you rot, make sure to give that baby to a good family. If you live, then I hope you learned something ya whore.>

[12] Should the alcohol age be lowered to eighteen?
Considering that statistics show that there are already people drinking before the legal age limit, I suppose that lowering it, wouldn't help at all, if not make it even more readily available for them to drink sooner.

<... You want to sell beer to kids? How about NO? Not only to what I stated above, those idiot kids who drink too much thinking it's 'cool' or something bah. I'm not even going to answer this question, it's too stupid, and beer tastes like shit.>

[13] Should the war in Iraq be called off?
There was supposed to be a cut off date at some points, not to mention that it is also a massive money vacuum, and the high chances of soldier deaths, it probably should, but having read the news and watched it once in a while (On various news channels) pulling out now is sort of a bad idea, but yet, it could be better implemented.

<Above. Though at this point, I suppose a contingency plan would be called for?>

[14] Assisted suicide is illegal: do you agree?
Yes.

<Yup.>

[15] Do you believe in spanking your children?
Yes, but too much physical abuse has an obvious negative effect. And should be applied as to the child should understand WHY they are being spanked in the bum.

<Are you fucking kidding? if most of these fat lazy shit parents could figure out that their fat stupid kid is talking trash, listening to shit music, stealing cash, and it ISNT a video game or the TV's fault, and should take some action of their own, and discipline their kid (and themselves) then I'm pretty sure that we'd have less twats wandering around.

[16] Would you burn an American flag for a million dollars?
Considering that the burning of the American Flag in a proper fashion is how to retire them, then I will be quite honest, no.

<Being an American, and seeing those moron protesters burning it "ooh Anarchy!" are doing it wrong. if anything, they are burning, and defacing the flag that thousands have died to hold up. Yes, that was in the past for a majority, but even in today's world, a burning flag won't change anything other than show weakness from the country, and the idiocy of the populace. Banding together UNDER the flag will show strength in unity and in doing so, the strength of the country itself will rise with it. Pff. Don't whine and bitch. Better yourself and read, learn something, and teach others. In doing so knowledge and wisdom will flow forth, sparking new ideas, and in the end, a brighter future. Oh and, uh, if I burned the flag for a million dollars, no bank would accept the money from a flag burner, anywhere in the Tri Continental area.>

[17] Who do you think would have made a better president? McCain or Obama?
Doesn't matter now does it?

<Above.>

[18] Are you afraid others will judge you from reading some of your answers?


To be quite honest, yes I am. It gives just a bit of insight towards these rather 'delicate' suppositions that do come up quite frequently as 'common conversation.' Though I have stated my piece, and I can't change that. If people hate me for it, then please, tell me I hate you for it, "You're wrong! Everything you said was wrong!" So please, do me a favor, and -tell- me how I am wrong. If you don't read it , then don't and say, "too long got bored." or something, and I do hope that they understand that I have control over what I say and what I do.

<Those who know me care, and those who don't, judge.>

So, if anyone's realized / noticed as to why I've been really ... off, (some do, some don't) it's well, hard to explain.

Last Thursday my Grandfather died due to kidney complications. (I didn't learn until 8 hours ago at his wake, as to what lead to his death) but he lived a long 86 year old life. Though I'm troubled and worried about how I should really feel. I mean, I'm sad, I'm really broken up, but I'm not sure if it's just me or not, but I feel as if I should be feeling even worse than I already am. When I heard about it, I lit a small candle and put it on a bottle cap, and just ... watched it. I had to keep studying though, as I had a math final the next day. And even then I couldn't stop thinking about him.

Recanting all the memories I had with him as I grew up, the stories I don't even remember, now lost forever. And hell, I didn't even know half of the things that were told to me! I mean, apparently I was his "favorite" (Out of three great grandkids, 3 grandkids, etc.) Which is .. really weird, since I've never even MET any of them! Heck, when I was a young kid, I was stupid apparently and I ran across the road for no good reason.( Quote my father: I couldn't even move in time, but he was already over there and snatched you up and away from there before I could even react.) Yeah, my dad repeated himself a bit there. Ol' Grandpa Charlie, he even got me liking the taste of Okra, and collared greens. (He was raised in Tennesee.) And hell, I learned even MORE from the wake.

He served for 7 years, and fought in WWII in the German and French fronts. And afterwards became a US Army Ranger, before 'retiring,' (though now that I think about it, I think he WAS a Ranger during his tour) and worked for 45 years as a safety materials supervisor for a department store. (J.C. Penny I think?) All I could remember was just laying out on his stoop, as he lived in one of those small-ish houses in New York. ... I really don't even know where to begin. I shed tears, I sobbed, but ... it's like it's not enough. Hell, three weeks ago, I wanted to call him and ask for the recipe for his Okra and collared green stuff, it was really good. Though now as I'm typing this, I think I realized as to why I really do care about him more than I should, other than the "favortism" thing, unlike my parents, he actually said, that, "I was a good boy." and even when my parents would tell him how much of a failure I was as I grew up, he was steadfast, and just said I needed a little direction and that I'd make them all proud someday. ... ha.... ... thanks Gramps. Thanks for the belief that I could make something out of myself.

I think if anything, it's just the guilt of "i could have done more! I could have talked to him more!" heh... and the last thing I was helping talk to him about was that he was asking how to get a sim from The Sims 2, to do something. Oh yeah, he liked flea markets, small PC games, crosswords and all that. ... what an interesting man. The stories he's told and may never tell again, lost forever. He'll live on in my heart, and that's all I can say about that.

P.S. Link of the day is "Things I hate." ... weird.

Yup... I'm apparently 21 now. And holy crap.. I actually got some gifts... ... I mean.. damn.

I'll be honest, I really didn't expect much other than a "Happy birthday." and other well wishers, which is all I could ask for. but .. heh... ^^ That's all I can say, and "Thanks to everyone" who gave me even a moment of their time to say "Happy Birthday."

Ya know, it sounded a lot better a year ago. "20 on the 20th." Ah well. Here goes another year. But what a year it was. Frustration, heartache, headache, sickness... but ... that's the thing... it was also a year full of fun, happiness, and friendship. :3

What I don't understand, is how there are a lot of people who freak out, going, "OMFG I HAD A HARD LIFE. NO-ONE ELSE CAN COMPARE." ... Okay,.. TRUE, you may have had a hard life / hard year, alright. but just because it's a bad year doesn't mean it has to CONTINUE to be a bad year. I mean, the reason why so many happy memories spring up from my mind, is BECAUSE they were the happier times in my year! There were lots of downs, but a few ups, and if you want to think of it from an over-exaggerated imagination standpoint, I'm standing on this hill and looking back, over the hills (ups) and the valleys between. (bad stuff) and I smile reminiscing each and every single good thing that happened.

Meh I'm weird like that.

Anyway, first time I've ever posted a "Hey! Look at me!" journal post before so... yay? meh? Bleh? woo? I don't know really. :3 All I know is that there's a WHOLE 'nother year ahead of me. And I'm not stopping for anything.

... well, my brother's getting married, and I'll be in the Cocoa Beach area in Florida. (Not that anyone cares) But that also means I'll be there all weekend. (Friday, Saturday and Sunday) Hopefully I'll be enjoying myself, and not stressing out anymore over people who matter/don't care, that whole double edged sword junk.

In the meanwhile, I'm going to finish packing up my shirts and shorts. ... oh.. right. I don't have a suit. -.-; Guess I'll get one down there I guess. Those things are expensive. Hm... It's also going to be -hot.- Guess a white suit might do or one of those breathable fabric suits... which I bet are a lot more expensive. To be honest I'm a bit heh... anxious and worried. Will I fall asleep? Will I act stupid? Will I mess up? Arrgh... I wish I lost some more weight during the summer, but bleh...

Speaking of worries...

Has anyone ever had this happen? You worry and worry about someone, so when they finally appear, you have a small chat, and have the humility to go ahead and ask if YOU did something wrong?
Naturally, as this is the fandom most associated (And sorta true more than half the time) with drama, so naturally, you get a "I was busy with other things that don't involve *gasp* you!" and the like? Frankly, I'm half insulted, half.. well, I'm fully insulted, but half of it is, "I have to stop insinuating that I had to do with life's problems." and the other is just stupid me not accepting criticism on my outlook. Frankly, you COULD HAVE told me what was wrong. Naturally, I'd want to help etc. Which is probably why some people WOULDN'T want me to, and that's alright.

I've also had the pleasure of being graced with people saying, "YOU CAUSE DRAMA!" when they have -no- idea nor have any idea what I'm doing behind the curtains. They just see the OTHER person ranting and raving while I literally go insane trying to calm the person down and smacking them silent for them to only realize that THEY themselves are at fault for the drama that was being raised? So they wander off and whisper whisper in other people's ears saying that you were the cause?

To those people that say, "YOU CAUSE DRAMA!" I say, "Shut the hell up and look at it from my perspective." Especially to those who are the head of communities, or other sorts of positions of power... "Why isn't he banned yeeet?" "Why isn't my constant attempts of whining working?!" It's a piss off and quite irritating.
Hm... let's see.
Ban him right away = Drama
Ban him publicly = Drama
Ban him after showing EVERYONE the rules, etc. = Drama + Feeling of totalitarianism
Kick him = Drama for admin abuse.

... can anyone win?

Side note: Why nice guys finish last, and kindhearted and generous guys die.

Nice People, especially in this fandom, let alone in the entire world, have been taken advantage of, and continue to be taken advantage of. Eventually they wisen up and stop/slow it down a bit, or become so outraged they become something they didn't want to be.

Kindhearted Generous Guys: They are taken advantage of for everything they have. Money, abilities (Art, Music, etc.) their mere presence, etc. And the reason why I say they die, is... well, from the mere meaning of the word of "Generosity." It loops in on itself and destroys the word. Example.

Nice guy creates shelter. He pours money, time and effort into building it. People use the shelter. People demand/ask for more, nice guy does so. Other people tell him to stop, he's being taken advantage of. He knows this, but can't stop. So he continues on and on and on, until he's broke, tired, and broken. He asks help from the people he's helped, and gets shunned / forgotten, as THEY pursue their own goals, forgetting about the person who helped them through their troubles. Of course, some people will admit that they had help from this guy. But usually when it's far too late, or not enough. (aka giving him a sandwich on their way to work.) And so, the nice guy dies. In more than one way. Be it physically, rotting in an alley, or personality wise. Where he is no longer who he once was.
A bitter, angry, and sick individual, cursing at all of everyone and everything, lashing out with fury, no caring who it was, but feeling bitter ever tearing remorse, at what he had become, fueling his hate even more.

Am I like that? I don't know. I don't judge myself. I go by what people tell me I am. As long as they know what I have to do and what I'm willing to do for people who I care about. Naturally my friends are MY FRIENDS, and I'm extremely gullible, as what people have told me. But then again... my "Family," will always take first priority. Always.

Crazy man, out~

I blame you. o.O

1) Who are you?
2) Are we friends?
3) When and how did we meet?
4) Would you kiss me?
5) Give me a nickname and explain why.
6) Describe me in 1 word.
7) What was your first impression of me?
8) Do you still think the same?
9) What reminds you of me?
10) If you could give me anything, what would it be?
11) How well do you know me?
12) Are you gonna put this in your journal and see what I say about you?
13) Would you meet up with me?

If someone has been going around asking for E-mails or something, tell him to screw off. That's not me. I'm still alive, breathing and .. well, chubby. Pay any attenction to him and jeeeeeez. Kick his ass for me will you? He's an old friend who keeps poking my passwords to screw with my other friends.

I'm still here.

Oh, computer had some virus issues. (First time ever! Ha.. my own stupidty. Go figure)

Would you...

1.give me your number?
2.let me hug you anythime i want to?
3.watch a movie with me ... even how bad it may be?
4.let me take you out for dinner?
5. drive me somewhere/anywhere
6. take a shower with me?
7.let me kiss you?
8.have a fling with me?
9.listen to me if i called you crying even if you where out with freinds?
10. buy me a drink if i didnt have the money?
11. take me home for the night?
12. let me sleep in your bed?
13. sing kareoke or play guitar hero with me?
14. sit at the Doctors office with me because i dont want to be alone?
15.re-post this for me to answere your question?
16.come pick me up at 3am because my car ran out of gas in the middle of nowhere?
17.do you think im cute or hot?
18.do you like my style?
19.do you think im funny?
20.cry if i died?
21.dance with me?
22.sing happy birthday to me?
23.take advantage of me if i was drunk?
24.strip for me?
25. art trade with me?
26.help me take down a evil organaiztion bent on whipeing out the furry fandom and saveing the world?

I uploaded some work! Also... I graduate this Thursday, and I'm extremely pleased. However, now more questions pounce on me. "How much is that college I'm going to?" "I know I got accepted ... right?" "What's goin' on again?" "What am I gonna do for a job now?"

I at least know I have a whole crap load of online buds, my matey Shortnose *huggle* and a few of my real life friends.

What also made me happy is that My matey and a good friend of mine are drawing me gift art for my graduation. So I'm extremely happy.