I started this journal earlier tonight with a wagon load full of emotions and thoughts. I've been sitting here trying to remember everything and to re-create the original message, but have realized that it is impossible for me to do that. My perspective changes with every experience, every conversation, and every little thing someone does to affect my life. I am a very reliable and dependable person, yet like any other individual I'm never exactly the same person I was five minutes ago.

I would love to believe that I am always improving, but everyone is more than apt to make mistakes and have moments of weakness or confusion just as much as they are likely to be amazing, I'm not an exception to this rule. The most amazing people in my life realize this about themselves and are able to not only accept it, but are able to find an appreciation for it, to find an appropriate place for it within themselves. That is something I strive for every day.

It's not a destination though, it's something that you have to hold yourself to with a will each and every moment. Being able to do so does not make you better than anyone else. You cannot compare yourself to another. We are all alike in so many ways, yet we have to acknowledge that we are fundamentally separated and cannot control another person's perceptions or view of themselves. We may be able to support them and love them and do our best to give them everything they need to find what they need in themselves. The hardest part is that moments when they fail to do this or seem like they don't want to see themselves or the world in the positive and loving way that you do, you can't fault them, you can't judge them.

The hardest part to realize is that even with the confidence you gain within yourself, and the certainty you have about yourself and the world, you must realize that you aren't correct about everything. You still have to listen to those around you bearing in mind that they too are limited to the world they see.

The hardest challenge I have found in my life is to understand and constantly challenge that understanding of everything and everyone around me. The world around us isn't simple and neither are any of us. It is possible to be both correct and incorrect about something, and to feel more than one way about something. Often there is simply not a right answer, and even moreso there is often no wrong answer.

This realization and understanding of things led me to create a blog at one point that I am tempted to begin again here. It will be titled "No Real Solution" (NRS) as I hit upon this conclusion in my philosophy class about the same time I had found the usefulness of the mathematical answer by the same name some time ago.

I hope you have a chance to read what I will be writing, find comments or critiques, and have the courage to say them.

Have you ever spoken something, written something, or just expressed a view of someone else's experience and found that they took such a different view of your expression that it had a massive effect between you?

Our wonderful system of written and spoken language is a very useful tool for communicating ideas and information. However, as with most tools, it is subject to user error. However, in the subject of interpersonal communication, this is only half of the equation.

The second and possibly more important tool in communication is perception. Its a tricky thing that we can't easily define, track down, or observe. It is in essence how the listener perceives the message, as communicated by the speaker. Perception is influenced greatly by an individuals background, experiences, and their wants or needs of the moment.

So with this in mind, an idea from one individual is 'encoded' into a language and communicated to a listener. If the listener manages to even receive the message in its entirety, they must 'decode' the message using their experiences and knowledge of the meaning of the elements of language used. So here we have had two easy opportunities for error, not counting the direct failure of the language message to be communicated.

If the initial listener finds they have need to communicate back, as happens often in interpersonal communication, they have to repeat this process back to the initial speaker as the new listener.

Again, there are so many areas for error or mis-perception of an intended message, its really not funny. In addition to these sources of error, the individual themselves can make mistakes in gauging important factors that must be considered within the listener, to communicate effectively and without causing unintended consequences.


This has been a public service journal, and largely something I simply had to work out for myself. Thank you for reading and I hope my message gets across. Good luck to everyone out there.

I enjoy learning, I enjoy it a great deal. However, every once in a while I happen upon a subject that holds little interest for me... rarely. More common, though easier to oveercome is attending a class with a long-winded instructor with little to actually teach.

So, I find it quite frustrating when these two situations happen to coincide in the same section. As I am doing so at this very moment, with my ECO-252 Macroeconomics class, despite the reassurance of many fellow students of this instructor's prowess with the subject. That's the last time I trust them...

I find myself wondering if I may be able to grasp the subject better through alternative methods. Such as sitting in the back of the class with earbuds in and techno playing while I read the textbook. This may actually allow me to gain something from this class as the instructor is STILL preaching on the scientific methdology and how he feels that economics is actually a philosophy and how much he loathes the author of our textbook.

What have I gotten myself into?
Why have I wasted my money and time on this?
Why am I typing this while sitting on the front row?

So much has changed for me in the recent months. Honestly to much to cover easily without a few hours of personal discussion.

First and of the most importance is that I have found someone with whom I have begun building a relationship with. Though the story may seem cliche, as we met on FurryMate of all places, but I have very high hopes and a confidence that we can do more than simply make life better, we can make life happy together.
This new person in my life, if you haven't already guessed from my recent activity on my favorites, is Farellemoon.

I will admit that I am astonished that she has given me so much of her time and attention. I do not feel unworthy, but I will admit that her importance within her circle and the fandom itself are far greater than I would have expected for her to pay attention to one as beyond and out of the community as I. She constantly makes me feel like a diamond in the rough.

For now I my aim is to dive into the fandom with as much zeal as my controlling and planning personality will allow, so please pardon my splash over the coming months.

I'm not sure there is anyone watching me that is still active or even able to pick this lone journal out of the flood, but I am appreciative of you reading this and welcome comments.

As to other news, I have officially begun my hopefully last fall semester at the local community college. With sophomore level classes all around, balanced by a good skilled trade class (welding), I hope that my spring semester will finish out the credits I need to transfer as well as bringing my GPA up to a competitive level. (strait A's tend to do that, now that I know how to get them!)

I am still gradually working at my drawn art as well as developing my photography skills. I have only recently begun actually filling out my Flickr account with old photography, but you are more than welcome to stop by. There will be a great many more photos on the way.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/mercgryph/

Woe to those that watch me, for I now am determined to learn this skill they call art!

I plan to start off by just pushing myself to put pencil and pen to paper, so no digital till I feel somewhat accomplished in this simple and often daunting task of using a medium that doesn't run on batteries.

If I do deem something standing apart from the trash, that it wont corrupt the servers by being the embodiment of offal and waste, I may post it on this account directly into the scraps bin.

If by some divine intervention.. or an alignment of whatever celestial bodies occur, I may post something directly if it is something I feel I can be proud of.


I do invite criticism, though I would like to prefer the constructive and positive type. If you simply say that something is awful, I WILL ask you for details as to what offended you, and what YOU THINK would make it better. I do reserve the right to disagree with you, so don't be surprised if I don't change the image to fit your whim.

So, without further ado, except for the fact nothing I have yet is good enough, let the Armageddon begin!

EDIT:
As it is another passion I hold dear and I DO actually have some skill with it, I will also begin posting some of my artistic photography on my FA account. I will likely post it in scraps unless I find it is particularly artistic of it's own merit.