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Posted 4 years agoI'm too poor to afford shit... My dad keeps asking for money and even when I get another paycheck, it's not enough to give. I work in a job that pays $15, which 10 years ago might've been sweet even by New Jersey standards, but has now become the new minimum wage even though it's not federally offical. I'm getting nickel-and-dimed for just about everything, even for things I never used.
I just had a filling in one of my teeth fall out from a little flossing and I'm scrambling to look for low-cost dental care because I don't have dental insurance.
Too many stupid assholes keep saying "There's plenty of resources for the poor! You just gotta look!" but whenever I do there's either too many hoops to jump through or I don't qualify for it because I "make too much money" or it just plain doesn't exist.
It's incredibly difficult for me to find a job that pays at least $25/hour, nevermind whether I'd even be able to perform well enough to do it and keep it even if I did fine one. We're living in a second Gilded Age and all my family can say is that I'm not trying hard enough. Maybe I'm not, but then I'm already stressed as it is having fallen through the cracks time and time again, I don't think I can handle going through the stress of climbing my way up the system that has already thrown me in the trash.
I just had a filling in one of my teeth fall out from a little flossing and I'm scrambling to look for low-cost dental care because I don't have dental insurance.
Too many stupid assholes keep saying "There's plenty of resources for the poor! You just gotta look!" but whenever I do there's either too many hoops to jump through or I don't qualify for it because I "make too much money" or it just plain doesn't exist.
It's incredibly difficult for me to find a job that pays at least $25/hour, nevermind whether I'd even be able to perform well enough to do it and keep it even if I did fine one. We're living in a second Gilded Age and all my family can say is that I'm not trying hard enough. Maybe I'm not, but then I'm already stressed as it is having fallen through the cracks time and time again, I don't think I can handle going through the stress of climbing my way up the system that has already thrown me in the trash.
Hello, body?
Posted 5 years agoHello, body? I'd like to feel sleepy when it's night, like, right fuckin' now, not when I'm at work...
If you haven't already, get out and vote
Posted 5 years agoDon't let voter suppression keep you from voting.
When depression scares people away
Posted 5 years agoEvery aspect of life overwhelms me.
Going to the store, going to work, talking to people, existing.
It’s just so much and it is so exhausting.
I feel like I’m a burden on my friends and family, and that makes me feel so terrible.
I’m trying so hard to be an independent adult and I am failing miserably.
I don’t let people know how bad it is though.
I’ve created this mask I show everyone, because I know people are sick of hearing me whine.
I just want to give up.
I just want it all to be over.
I am so tired of trying.
Do you know what it’s like to never feel happy?
To have to fake every smile?
It’s torture.
Trying to be open about my illness is hard.
It’s beyond hard.
Everyone tells me to be positive, to push myself, to change my thinking. As if I can some how magically rewire the inter-workings of my mind, with the snap of my fingers.
I would give anything to calm the chaos of my mind. But sadly, it doesn’t care what I want.
I have a hard time finding the words to express what is going on in the desert of my mind. But I don’t understand it half the time. I just know it is:
Pain.
Darkness.
Sadness.
Guilt.
Shame.
Self-hatred
Fear.
Anxiety.
But because I feel all those things, doesn’t mean I don’t feel the good things sometimes. I feel love for people, and when I love someone, I love them with a passionate fire even the darkest spots of my mind cannot dim out. But despite that intense love, most people will not stick around because they don’t like the darkness.
But the demons in my mind, we are best friends. They love me with a passion and will never let me go. But at least in a way I will never be alone. Sometimes it feels easier to hide; to never love again.
The stigma on mental illness is so great, it scares people away before they even see it first hand.
Going to the store, going to work, talking to people, existing.
It’s just so much and it is so exhausting.
I feel like I’m a burden on my friends and family, and that makes me feel so terrible.
I’m trying so hard to be an independent adult and I am failing miserably.
I don’t let people know how bad it is though.
I’ve created this mask I show everyone, because I know people are sick of hearing me whine.
I just want to give up.
I just want it all to be over.
I am so tired of trying.
Do you know what it’s like to never feel happy?
To have to fake every smile?
It’s torture.
Trying to be open about my illness is hard.
It’s beyond hard.
Everyone tells me to be positive, to push myself, to change my thinking. As if I can some how magically rewire the inter-workings of my mind, with the snap of my fingers.
I would give anything to calm the chaos of my mind. But sadly, it doesn’t care what I want.
I have a hard time finding the words to express what is going on in the desert of my mind. But I don’t understand it half the time. I just know it is:
Pain.
Darkness.
Sadness.
Guilt.
Shame.
Self-hatred
Fear.
Anxiety.
But because I feel all those things, doesn’t mean I don’t feel the good things sometimes. I feel love for people, and when I love someone, I love them with a passionate fire even the darkest spots of my mind cannot dim out. But despite that intense love, most people will not stick around because they don’t like the darkness.
But the demons in my mind, we are best friends. They love me with a passion and will never let me go. But at least in a way I will never be alone. Sometimes it feels easier to hide; to never love again.
The stigma on mental illness is so great, it scares people away before they even see it first hand.
I survived covid-19
Posted 5 years agoI guess it was only inevitable considering I'm in a coronavirus hotspot. The first two days were a bad fever, body aches, headache, difficulty moving around and an overall shitty feeling. That and a mucosy throat and slight runny nose. After that, it was just feeling weak and tired a lot and some aches and pains, mostly in my lower back. It certainly wasn't fun, that's for sure.
I got myself tested on last Tuesday. Had to get up at around 4AM to get on line and sleep in my car until they started testing at 8AM. From the time they started to the time I was finished was about an hour and a half. It was a drive-thru testing center. When it came time for the actual specimen-collecting, they stuck a long cotton swab deep in my left nostril...which was really uncomfortable I should point out; I practically cried out in pain. Results came on Friday. Sure enough, it was the coronavirus.
I've already been off from work for about a week, still got another week to go even though I feel well enough to get out there and work, but since I work in a pharmacy warehouse, it's extra important that I come back to work being completely free of the virus. Besides, I gotta follow the doctor's orders.
I've been in quarantine in my bedroom for a week. Thankfully it's an attic bedroom so I got plenty of space and it has its own bathroom. It does get a bit boring but at least I get the staycation I've always wanted without anyone bothering me. I think it's safe enough for me to end my isolation, but my family doesn't think so yet. Meh, as long as they keep bringing me food, I'm good. Come to think of it, I'm hungry right now...
I got myself tested on last Tuesday. Had to get up at around 4AM to get on line and sleep in my car until they started testing at 8AM. From the time they started to the time I was finished was about an hour and a half. It was a drive-thru testing center. When it came time for the actual specimen-collecting, they stuck a long cotton swab deep in my left nostril...which was really uncomfortable I should point out; I practically cried out in pain. Results came on Friday. Sure enough, it was the coronavirus.
I've already been off from work for about a week, still got another week to go even though I feel well enough to get out there and work, but since I work in a pharmacy warehouse, it's extra important that I come back to work being completely free of the virus. Besides, I gotta follow the doctor's orders.
I've been in quarantine in my bedroom for a week. Thankfully it's an attic bedroom so I got plenty of space and it has its own bathroom. It does get a bit boring but at least I get the staycation I've always wanted without anyone bothering me. I think it's safe enough for me to end my isolation, but my family doesn't think so yet. Meh, as long as they keep bringing me food, I'm good. Come to think of it, I'm hungry right now...
DiscordMelody needs help
Posted 6 years ago
17EternalAngel, an artist I know is trying to raise money to move out of her house.You can click here > https://www.furaffinity.net/view/32866475/ < for more info.
Better...a little
Posted 6 years agoFeeling a little better, though I still have a negative outlook toward my current life situation.
Tucker Carlson vs. Rutger Bregman
Posted 6 years agoFox News host Tucker Carlson is a millionaire being paid by billionaire Rupert Murdoch to tell the poor that low taxes on millionaires and billionaires will make "them" rich one day. So when you get a Dutch historian telling him the truth about the REAL problems that Americans face, he goes apeshit.
Well, Carlson, there's this thing called the internet, and the internet remembers everything.
Turned 36 today
Posted 7 years agoI feel old
Holy shit! I saw a fox! O_O
Posted 7 years agoI saw a fox IRL for the first time in my life!
I saw it along the road on my way to work… It was small and its fur looked kinda shriveled up, but it was still so cute and vulnerable looking and…and it was probably cold too since the temperatures have been dipping lately and…sob I could just cry happy tears T_T
That fox made my day. I’m going to wear a smile on my face for the rest of the day. Because I saw a fox~
---
In other news, this artist needs help looking for someone to commission him.
https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8970078/
https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8970078/
https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8970078/
Please consider commissioning him (however, keep in mind he's having problems with paypal so you might have to transfer money a different way like Sberbank)
I saw it along the road on my way to work… It was small and its fur looked kinda shriveled up, but it was still so cute and vulnerable looking and…and it was probably cold too since the temperatures have been dipping lately and…sob I could just cry happy tears T_T
That fox made my day. I’m going to wear a smile on my face for the rest of the day. Because I saw a fox~
---
In other news, this artist needs help looking for someone to commission him.
https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8970078/
https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8970078/
https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8970078/
Please consider commissioning him (however, keep in mind he's having problems with paypal so you might have to transfer money a different way like Sberbank)
Check out these sexy YCH's by InkOOfficail~
Posted 7 years agoHere are some NSFW YCH's by 
InkOOfficail that I hope some people buy the female slots (so I can buy the male slots ;3)
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/28978510/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/29006523/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/29569557/
These are fixed price slots with very affordable prices from a very good artist~
InkOOfficail that I hope some people buy the female slots (so I can buy the male slots ;3)http://www.furaffinity.net/view/28978510/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/29006523/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/29569557/
These are fixed price slots with very affordable prices from a very good artist~
Depression hurts...
Posted 7 years agoMy depression has been getting so terrible that I’m now starting to feel physical pain…and it’s unbearable…
It hurts….depression hurts…. I don’t know if I can even work in this condition….
It hurts….depression hurts…. I don’t know if I can even work in this condition….
What kind of jobs can I get if I like to use Photoshop?
Posted 7 years agoOne of my hobbies is using Photoshop to do stuff. Like coloring images and digital edits.
So I'm wondering if there are any jobs or careers that I could pursue that make use of Photoshopping images. Because that's something I could sink my teeth into.
Here's the kinda stuff I've done (all words in bold are links):
For colorations, they range from simple to more complicated. Here are some more samples: link, link, link, link, link, link
For digital edits, one example I can use is taking some autographs I had scored from Ponycon a couple years back, and then copying the signature from the original scan and placing them onto the same image ripped directly from the internet, thus creating something that looks as good on the computer as it does IRL.
Here are the other two: Original / Enhanced, Original / Enhanced
I also made a mock Dunkin Donuts logo, "Dookie Donuts".
I know I'd have to take a course in Photoshop, and I'll definitely need to get a new PC, but what do you think? Is this a good start? Or do I need more creativity? Or do I need more than just Photoshopping skills to get a job that involves digital editing?
So I'm wondering if there are any jobs or careers that I could pursue that make use of Photoshopping images. Because that's something I could sink my teeth into.
Here's the kinda stuff I've done (all words in bold are links):
For colorations, they range from simple to more complicated. Here are some more samples: link, link, link, link, link, link
For digital edits, one example I can use is taking some autographs I had scored from Ponycon a couple years back, and then copying the signature from the original scan and placing them onto the same image ripped directly from the internet, thus creating something that looks as good on the computer as it does IRL.
Here are the other two: Original / Enhanced, Original / Enhanced
I also made a mock Dunkin Donuts logo, "Dookie Donuts".
I know I'd have to take a course in Photoshop, and I'll definitely need to get a new PC, but what do you think? Is this a good start? Or do I need more creativity? Or do I need more than just Photoshopping skills to get a job that involves digital editing?
They just won't let it die...
Posted 7 years agoMy family is trying really, really hard to make me reconsider breaking off this engagement, holy shit…
My brother just gave me an hour-long lecture about this, basically saying "She’s willing to do anything for you and that’s very important, you’re being scared about this over things that have easy solutions, she doesn’t care about money or documents, she just wants you for you, you’re throwing away a good opportunity at happiness, blah blah blah"
"Do some soul-searching, think about what you’re doing, give this a little more time to think about"
"You seem to be afraid that marriage will force you to become someone you’re not and that’s not true"
"What was it about Crystal that made you fall in love with her? Oh, because of [this and that]? Well I think Vritrina has those qualities too"
"I’m sorry but the reasons you’re giving just don’t cut it, you need genuine reasons why you want to end it if you’re so sure about it."
It’s like they’re trying really hard to keep me from saying no and requiring me to justify with solid reasons why I want to end it…
"But you said you would give her a ’fair shake’ but you haven’t given her time to get to know her"
"If you marry her, you’ll likely find that a lot of the things you were so scared about were over nothing"
And here’s the thing my brother mentioned that really bothered me…
"I think you’re just afraid of committment"
They’re trying really hard to make it seem like I’m not thinking this through well enough and that I’m making this decision without thinking hard enough…and I just don’t know how to answer them anymore when they keep asking why…
The girl is also part of the problem… She’s still begging me to give her another chance and making these lofty promises of making me happy and being willing to do anything to change for me to make me love her back… As long as this girl keeps making promises, my family will persist in getting me to change my mind and frankly it’s driving me insane…
They just won’t…let…this…die…
My brother just gave me an hour-long lecture about this, basically saying "She’s willing to do anything for you and that’s very important, you’re being scared about this over things that have easy solutions, she doesn’t care about money or documents, she just wants you for you, you’re throwing away a good opportunity at happiness, blah blah blah"
"Do some soul-searching, think about what you’re doing, give this a little more time to think about"
"You seem to be afraid that marriage will force you to become someone you’re not and that’s not true"
"What was it about Crystal that made you fall in love with her? Oh, because of [this and that]? Well I think Vritrina has those qualities too"
"I’m sorry but the reasons you’re giving just don’t cut it, you need genuine reasons why you want to end it if you’re so sure about it."
It’s like they’re trying really hard to keep me from saying no and requiring me to justify with solid reasons why I want to end it…
"But you said you would give her a ’fair shake’ but you haven’t given her time to get to know her"
"If you marry her, you’ll likely find that a lot of the things you were so scared about were over nothing"
And here’s the thing my brother mentioned that really bothered me…
"I think you’re just afraid of committment"
They’re trying really hard to make it seem like I’m not thinking this through well enough and that I’m making this decision without thinking hard enough…and I just don’t know how to answer them anymore when they keep asking why…
The girl is also part of the problem… She’s still begging me to give her another chance and making these lofty promises of making me happy and being willing to do anything to change for me to make me love her back… As long as this girl keeps making promises, my family will persist in getting me to change my mind and frankly it’s driving me insane…
They just won’t…let…this…die…
The fallout...
Posted 7 years agoIt’s looking more and more like the best use of that free will is to end it all with a gun… No pain, no heartache, no more worries… Oblivion is sounding like the greatest comfort I’ll ever have.
I can’t stand it anymore… I should’ve done it a long time ago.
If only I had predicted the future… If I had known there would never be any improvement in my life…
It’s a terrible world after all…
In the end, all I accomplised with breaking off the engagement was making my parents think I’m a garbage person…
All that preparation…all that bravery in confronting my parents…for nothing
I can’t stand it anymore… I should’ve done it a long time ago.
If only I had predicted the future… If I had known there would never be any improvement in my life…
It’s a terrible world after all…
In the end, all I accomplised with breaking off the engagement was making my parents think I’m a garbage person…
All that preparation…all that bravery in confronting my parents…for nothing
I can't live with this...
Posted 7 years agoI came downstairs to give my brother’s debit card back to my brother, because he lent me it to pay for the vet visit yesterday. I really wish I hadn’t...
When I came down there, my brother was with my sister-in-law who said with a big, beaming smile "I’m really, really happy about your fiance!" to which she continued saying about how she did this and that and all sorts of stuff that makes them think she’s "So, so sweet"
My god, that just ate away at me... This is making me paranoid... Making it harder for me to break the news to them that I don’t wanna marry this girl... The longer this goes on, the lovelier she becomes to my family, the harder this’ll be on me...
The more they adore her, the harder this’ll be for them to accept, and the worse it’ll be on me even after I tell them... They’re gonna remember this as "You made a big mistake not marrying her" and they’ll keep bringing it up over and over for years to come...
They’re never gonna live this down...
To make things worse, my friends on Discord keep oversimplifying the solution as "Just tell them and leave. Problem solved". But…I can’t see myself having to run away from my family after this… I wish I could just tell them and go back to living the way I’ve been doing so before I went on my trip to see the girl…
I...I can’t live with myself anymore...
Why...why did I let this happen to me? Why did I let myself walk into this mess?
I’m starting to think death is preferable to living with either option...
When I came down there, my brother was with my sister-in-law who said with a big, beaming smile "I’m really, really happy about your fiance!" to which she continued saying about how she did this and that and all sorts of stuff that makes them think she’s "So, so sweet"
My god, that just ate away at me... This is making me paranoid... Making it harder for me to break the news to them that I don’t wanna marry this girl... The longer this goes on, the lovelier she becomes to my family, the harder this’ll be on me...
The more they adore her, the harder this’ll be for them to accept, and the worse it’ll be on me even after I tell them... They’re gonna remember this as "You made a big mistake not marrying her" and they’ll keep bringing it up over and over for years to come...
They’re never gonna live this down...
To make things worse, my friends on Discord keep oversimplifying the solution as "Just tell them and leave. Problem solved". But…I can’t see myself having to run away from my family after this… I wish I could just tell them and go back to living the way I’ve been doing so before I went on my trip to see the girl…
I...I can’t live with myself anymore...
Why...why did I let this happen to me? Why did I let myself walk into this mess?
I’m starting to think death is preferable to living with either option...
I fucked up... I really fucked up and I regret it so much...
Posted 7 years agoMy fiance texted me good morning not too long ago...and of course since I can't just ignore her, I had to say something. I said that I was feeling a little sad that I'm spending my last day in Gostivar, Macedonia.
She responded with "Don't worry, we'll be together again soon"... How am I supposed to respond to that?
I regret not putting a stop to this as soon as I was told I was engaged... This may very well be my biggest mistake ever in life...
I fear I'm already past the point where backing out would leave little consequence... I want to cry...I want to cry so bad right now... Even if I come clean now, I fear the damage is already too great...
I wish I would've known they were going to take the ball and run with it so quickly and eagerly...
If there's already going to be too much damage to my life, then I don't know if I'd wanna live anymore...
Guys, I fucked up... I fucked up so bad... Either I'm gonna have to live a lie and live miserably...or tell the truth and live miserably... I'm in a lose-lose situation... ;_;
She responded with "Don't worry, we'll be together again soon"... How am I supposed to respond to that?
I regret not putting a stop to this as soon as I was told I was engaged... This may very well be my biggest mistake ever in life...
I fear I'm already past the point where backing out would leave little consequence... I want to cry...I want to cry so bad right now... Even if I come clean now, I fear the damage is already too great...
I wish I would've known they were going to take the ball and run with it so quickly and eagerly...
If there's already going to be too much damage to my life, then I don't know if I'd wanna live anymore...
Guys, I fucked up... I fucked up so bad... Either I'm gonna have to live a lie and live miserably...or tell the truth and live miserably... I'm in a lose-lose situation... ;_;
Engaged...to a girl I don't even know...
Posted 7 years agoGuys, I'm really scared about this... I've been engaged to a girl I don't even know...
I traveled with my mom to my native country in eastern Europe with the intention of meeting this girl my relatives have matched me with. A couple of days ago, I met this girl, and after my relatives chatted with her relatives, I was given a chance to be with her privately for a few minutes. I did most of the talking, saying things very brokenly in my native language that I'm not very fluent in. I decided to give her a fair shake and just before leaving we were told that they would call us to let us know if her parents are okay with us being a thing.
...Well apparently, the way a "thing" works in these parts is you get engaged with them right away... No getting to know one another first, no building a romantic affiliation, no boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, nope, just straight to being engaged. Just having any interest in wanting to pursue anything with one another is enough for there to be a wedding soon...
I really don't like the way this is being handled at all with how fast I'm being spearheaded into this, and yet everyone in my family is congratulating me, feeling proud of me and saying that I'm the luckiest guy in the world...which makes me feel very alone with my feelings with this in that I'm reluctant to tell them how I really feel...because how the hell do you tell people like that that you're not happy?
Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against the girl; the fact I don't know her could also mean that she could very well be a decent girl for me. However, I don't want kids in my future...like, at all. This is a major problem since every female in my culture are very enthusiastic about having children so this is likely to be a dealbreaker for the girl and if the engagement gets called off for that reason, I'm doomed to be made to feel like total shit by my relatives...who are all too happy about me finally getting married since I'm already 35.
See, in my culture it's considered really, really weird to not get married and everyone marries young; my family feels that I'm getting too old and I'll miss my chance at marriage. I'm not being given the freedom to deviate from my culture. This is just "something I have to do" and I've been secretly fighting it for a long time. I certainly would like to have a female companion in my life, but...not like this...
I'm meeting this girl again in a couple of days, this time I'll be staying at a place closer to where she lives so I can get to know her more. Sure, it'd be nice to get to know here more (which is what should have taken place before they decided to shoehorn the engagement arrangements), but I just can't shake the feeling this is a disaster waiting to happen...
I just...don't know what to do... I'm freaking out... Help...
I traveled with my mom to my native country in eastern Europe with the intention of meeting this girl my relatives have matched me with. A couple of days ago, I met this girl, and after my relatives chatted with her relatives, I was given a chance to be with her privately for a few minutes. I did most of the talking, saying things very brokenly in my native language that I'm not very fluent in. I decided to give her a fair shake and just before leaving we were told that they would call us to let us know if her parents are okay with us being a thing.
...Well apparently, the way a "thing" works in these parts is you get engaged with them right away... No getting to know one another first, no building a romantic affiliation, no boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, nope, just straight to being engaged. Just having any interest in wanting to pursue anything with one another is enough for there to be a wedding soon...
I really don't like the way this is being handled at all with how fast I'm being spearheaded into this, and yet everyone in my family is congratulating me, feeling proud of me and saying that I'm the luckiest guy in the world...which makes me feel very alone with my feelings with this in that I'm reluctant to tell them how I really feel...because how the hell do you tell people like that that you're not happy?
Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against the girl; the fact I don't know her could also mean that she could very well be a decent girl for me. However, I don't want kids in my future...like, at all. This is a major problem since every female in my culture are very enthusiastic about having children so this is likely to be a dealbreaker for the girl and if the engagement gets called off for that reason, I'm doomed to be made to feel like total shit by my relatives...who are all too happy about me finally getting married since I'm already 35.
See, in my culture it's considered really, really weird to not get married and everyone marries young; my family feels that I'm getting too old and I'll miss my chance at marriage. I'm not being given the freedom to deviate from my culture. This is just "something I have to do" and I've been secretly fighting it for a long time. I certainly would like to have a female companion in my life, but...not like this...
I'm meeting this girl again in a couple of days, this time I'll be staying at a place closer to where she lives so I can get to know her more. Sure, it'd be nice to get to know here more (which is what should have taken place before they decided to shoehorn the engagement arrangements), but I just can't shake the feeling this is a disaster waiting to happen...
I just...don't know what to do... I'm freaking out... Help...
I may try being an Uber driver.
Posted 7 years agoHas anyone here done anything like that?
Goodbye, SC... Hello again, NJ
Posted 7 years agosigh Only 2-3 more days left until I leave South Carolina... I'm really gonna miss this place...
I'm also gonna miss my co-workers at this job... They were some of the best co-workers I've worked with.
And my friends and neighbors too. South Carolina was good to me.
It's so sad saying goodbye to people you'll probably never see again...
But then I also have to remember that I get to go back to New Jersey again where I've lived nearly all my life. I have to remember that I miss that place more than I'm gonna miss this one.
And my family. They may drive me nuts sometimes, but I miss them the most, and I'll admit I'm kinda lonely without them.
I just can't help but feel depressed either way... But like they say, you can't have your cake and eat it too.
I'm also gonna miss my co-workers at this job... They were some of the best co-workers I've worked with.
And my friends and neighbors too. South Carolina was good to me.
It's so sad saying goodbye to people you'll probably never see again...
But then I also have to remember that I get to go back to New Jersey again where I've lived nearly all my life. I have to remember that I miss that place more than I'm gonna miss this one.
And my family. They may drive me nuts sometimes, but I miss them the most, and I'll admit I'm kinda lonely without them.
I just can't help but feel depressed either way... But like they say, you can't have your cake and eat it too.
Requests for NSFW pony art? Is it even possible here?
Posted 8 years agoThis isn't for me BTW, it's for a friend. I know most artists don't do requests since there's no money in it, but I figured I'd ask around anyway. Anyone know of any artists taking requests?
I don't know if I should stay here...
Posted 8 years agoThese days I only ever come here for porn now... Considering my sexual frustration and my inability to find a date, it's beginning to just feel painful to me, to the point where I feel that I may be better off just leaving FA...
Furthermore, I only ever seem to vent my problems and I just don't feel like I'm a good friend. The more I browse here, the more I realize how lonely I am and it's just not working for me at all.
I feel like FA only depresses me...
Furthermore, I only ever seem to vent my problems and I just don't feel like I'm a good friend. The more I browse here, the more I realize how lonely I am and it's just not working for me at all.
I feel like FA only depresses me...
I can't stand it anymore...
Posted 8 years agoMy life has been agonizing lately...
I have too many problems... Sleeping problems, confusion, stupidity, no luck with women, sexual frustration, worsening depression, loneliness, difficulty getting a car legally, family stress, low income, problematic RV, and last but not least, difficulty communicating my problems effectively...
I take prozac and it doesn't help...
Cooking and eating doesn't help anymore...
Music doesn't help anymore...
Digital coloring doesn't help anymore...
Ponies no longer cheer me up anymore...
Masturbating and video games (whether playing them or watching Let's Plays)... Okay, I guess that still provides some relief...but not as much as it used to...
I'm at my wit's end...
I have too many problems... Sleeping problems, confusion, stupidity, no luck with women, sexual frustration, worsening depression, loneliness, difficulty getting a car legally, family stress, low income, problematic RV, and last but not least, difficulty communicating my problems effectively...
I take prozac and it doesn't help...
Cooking and eating doesn't help anymore...
Music doesn't help anymore...
Digital coloring doesn't help anymore...
Ponies no longer cheer me up anymore...
Masturbating and video games (whether playing them or watching Let's Plays)... Okay, I guess that still provides some relief...but not as much as it used to...
I'm at my wit's end...
FUCKIN’ SHIT
Posted 8 years agoI just got back home from donating platelets at the blood bank…and upon coming home I found that the water hose that I had been keeping through the window and over the sink (because my water pump in my RV no longer works and I already have a leaky pipe in the direct water feed to use that) had burst! Inside my mobile home!
I know it’s not exactly a good idea to keep a hose inside, but when your plumbing system is faulty, you can’t find any good reliable plumbers, and you need water to do stuff like use the bathroom, you use whatever you can…
I just dried up every wet surface with a towel and turned on my dehumidifier. Hopefully it hadn’t been doing this for too long while I was away… I NEED to find a plumber, pronto… One that’s actually reachable on any given day and can actually show up on any given day… I can’t go on like this…
Funny thing is, I was actually considering turning off the water to the hose because I had a feeling something like this would happen…and it actually did! I was thinking of doing it but because I was in so much of a hurry to rush to the blood bank that I forgot to do it… It’s ironic that in doing something good, I get something bad happening to me…
FUCK!
I know it’s not exactly a good idea to keep a hose inside, but when your plumbing system is faulty, you can’t find any good reliable plumbers, and you need water to do stuff like use the bathroom, you use whatever you can…
I just dried up every wet surface with a towel and turned on my dehumidifier. Hopefully it hadn’t been doing this for too long while I was away… I NEED to find a plumber, pronto… One that’s actually reachable on any given day and can actually show up on any given day… I can’t go on like this…
Funny thing is, I was actually considering turning off the water to the hose because I had a feeling something like this would happen…and it actually did! I was thinking of doing it but because I was in so much of a hurry to rush to the blood bank that I forgot to do it… It’s ironic that in doing something good, I get something bad happening to me…
FUCK!
Donating at the blood bank
Posted 8 years agoDonating bloodwork at the blood bank can be quite rewarding.
Last week I visited the Blood Connection where I was originally planning on donating whole blood. While I was waiting, the receptionist asked if I could donate platelets instead, because the hospital has been in dire need of them lately. I was informed it would take longer but I would have access to TV with cable and Netflix as well as a free bucket of popcorn.
I thought why not and decided to go for it to see how it goes. You get set up like you would if you were donating whole blood, except the blood they take out of you gets its platelets harvested before being pumped back into you. Normally whenever I donate blood, I often get queasy to the point they have to hoist my legs up and put an ice pack on my neck.
So here I am sitting reclined on a chair watching Star Trek. At first, no problems, so far so good, you get free water, popcorn's good, enjoying the show and all. Then after a while, my feet and hands start getting cold. A while longer after that, my arm starts getting a little achey. While your blood's being pumped out, you gotta squeeze a ball every so often and this had started to make my arm a little tired. I'm told I can give my arm a break after every few pumps, but that didn't make things easier for me.
After I finished watching an episode of Star Trek (each episode is 50 minutes) and a little ways into watching the next one, my arm starts to get really uncomfortable at this point. Donating platelets takes about an hour and a half so about an hour into it I feel as though I could no longer take it... After this experience, I realize that I get similar results from donating blood but much more slowly and over a longer length of time.
I had to inform the nurses/attendants what was going on with me and they stopped the machine. They lifted the front part of my chair to raise my legs, put an ice pack on my neck and gave me a few refreshments. It doesn't take long for me to feel better but I have to mention staffers at blood banks don't fuck around in making sure blood donors don't faint; every few minutes they would keep asking me if I was feeling okay.
I assured them that I was doing much better and I expressed my disappointment that I could only produce less than half the amount of platelets they could've gotten from me. They were perfectly fine with that and assured me that as long as nothing bad happens to me everything's good. I still got the 300 points in the rewards system (which is more than what you get when donating blood or plasma) and I found out that you can donate platelets every week instead of 8 weeks when donating whole blood.
I'll be going again this Sunday to try again, hopefully with better preparation...and with a heartier meal before going (I only ate a few snacks). I'll be sure to bring my own snacks and drinks this time too since the attendants can only attend to you so much with other donors being there.
Wish me luck.
Last week I visited the Blood Connection where I was originally planning on donating whole blood. While I was waiting, the receptionist asked if I could donate platelets instead, because the hospital has been in dire need of them lately. I was informed it would take longer but I would have access to TV with cable and Netflix as well as a free bucket of popcorn.
I thought why not and decided to go for it to see how it goes. You get set up like you would if you were donating whole blood, except the blood they take out of you gets its platelets harvested before being pumped back into you. Normally whenever I donate blood, I often get queasy to the point they have to hoist my legs up and put an ice pack on my neck.
So here I am sitting reclined on a chair watching Star Trek. At first, no problems, so far so good, you get free water, popcorn's good, enjoying the show and all. Then after a while, my feet and hands start getting cold. A while longer after that, my arm starts getting a little achey. While your blood's being pumped out, you gotta squeeze a ball every so often and this had started to make my arm a little tired. I'm told I can give my arm a break after every few pumps, but that didn't make things easier for me.
After I finished watching an episode of Star Trek (each episode is 50 minutes) and a little ways into watching the next one, my arm starts to get really uncomfortable at this point. Donating platelets takes about an hour and a half so about an hour into it I feel as though I could no longer take it... After this experience, I realize that I get similar results from donating blood but much more slowly and over a longer length of time.
I had to inform the nurses/attendants what was going on with me and they stopped the machine. They lifted the front part of my chair to raise my legs, put an ice pack on my neck and gave me a few refreshments. It doesn't take long for me to feel better but I have to mention staffers at blood banks don't fuck around in making sure blood donors don't faint; every few minutes they would keep asking me if I was feeling okay.
I assured them that I was doing much better and I expressed my disappointment that I could only produce less than half the amount of platelets they could've gotten from me. They were perfectly fine with that and assured me that as long as nothing bad happens to me everything's good. I still got the 300 points in the rewards system (which is more than what you get when donating blood or plasma) and I found out that you can donate platelets every week instead of 8 weeks when donating whole blood.
I'll be going again this Sunday to try again, hopefully with better preparation...and with a heartier meal before going (I only ate a few snacks). I'll be sure to bring my own snacks and drinks this time too since the attendants can only attend to you so much with other donors being there.
Wish me luck.
