srsly. i dont often get on here anymore. if ya wanna chat see my IMs. they are listed on one of these sites. I rarely use fa anymore due to their avid enforcement of being anti-cub.

but seriously. ive spent the past 3 hours clearing through shit. I still have 10148 messages. AFTER 3 HOURS OF STRAIGHT CLEARING. 6190 submissions, 3954 journals, and 4 watches idk what to do with yet.

holy. fuck.

So I finally got that permanent surgery done to fix my toes. I appreciate the sympathy, but its not too big a deal...I got 2 huge needles jabbed in my feet, then the sliced my toes to the proper positions, and then poured phenol acid in so the nail would not grow back retarded again (i hope). I got a fuckton of meds i'm on now....

I DID get a lil doggy plushie out of it though! yay being a kid! I named him Toze, to be ironic ^^

My balance is all fucked up now....but i'll live. So far. I've had very little pain at all since (though idk if thats due to 800mg/dose every 4 hrs of ibuprofin or from the surgery itself....but I'm by no means complaining ^^; Specially since I got a $900 treatment for $150 even though I don't have insurance yet!)

So yeah. Goodnight, internet.

HIT F5 NOW PLZ. =3

These icons are so cute. OMG. Go make one you lazy asses. if I can find a way to customize one, SO CAN YOU. srsly....

All I did was alter the eye color. x3 I have no creativity.....so hit F5! or for those of you with functionally challenged laptops, like my own, that would be 'fn + f5' X3;;  Mew66 lookit me gooooooo

Will be all alone....=(

I live right next to drug alley, yet no one has pot anymore? wtf is this shit X3

Wonder if my bro can fed-ex me some gooood shit....mebbe we can toke on skype or sumthin....Gah x3;

This sucks.

I'm in Davie, FL....anyone nearby? I got booze and $$...but that's bout it. X3

Is it slightly ironic that I'm gay, and I work with meat for my paycheck?

Or if not ironic, then funny?

I think I wish to do a little thing......I wanna turn my Arcalithe, shown in my icon (and soon other arts!) Into a kitty, Albeit temporarily. However, I have no artistic talent, and my creative talent is consumed by what little rp I do nowadays and very shoddy work schedules (I have to be in on Thursday at 4 IN THE MORNING. i usually work night shift. its gonna suck. ) So um....yea.

I want to throw the idea out there, as I want to commission arts of Omen as a kitty (an adult pic preferred, but clean is fine too...will have to be non-cub, as FA LOVES to F*ck with the fact my char's a diaper fur...and young LOOKING (it is CUTE, OK? God I hate some of these rules I won't mention cause I ain't gonna bother spending an hour every 2 months to research the updated policies and crap). HOWEVER, here's the catch -- I can only afford one commission. And I dunno how to go about this kinda thing... (mebbe I should ask Nico?) So Journal it is! So um...yea. If anyone out there in the vast furry universe may be interested....for a full-color, high-quality pic, shading and everything, I'd be able to go as high as $60 USD. This journal will prolly sit for a while, upon which I will stash away the cash...

...And to the one who provides the best like-ness of Omen as a kitty (remember, I love CUTE ^^;) will be commissioned for the spoils for the full-color Final version. Don't forget my paw-print is on the left side ONLY, people ^^ and if a ref is needed, please visit me on IB.

I offer the full towards a quality FERAL adult pic. Clean will prolly be more along the lines of 40-50, unless it's frame-worthy! PLEASE be unique...I'd love to frame it anyway, as I'll prolly end up commissioning a piece of my whole character family at a later date =3 and currently idea wise, that piece does not have a limit~

So yeah, if you're a babyfur, and you haven't entered yet, and it's still open...go apply!

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2982608/
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2982608/
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2982608/

My Laptop's internal cooling fan broke. I was a dumbass and tried transferring data to an external with it in safe mode while this occurred. when i went to go use the bathroom and came back, internal hdd was wiped. No OS, no Data, nothing. no idea if it was fried.

Recently got a new lappy for FREES from my unca. He spoils me so much it aint funny X3; But enough on that bit...NEW LAPPY TOP. =33

Buuuuuttttttt....now I'm bored shitless, as I have absolutely no idea the limits of this thing, what it can play, and what it can't. I would wanna play something that friends play to, as soloing shit all the time is really fucking boring, ya know? ALSO! XBOX LIVE ran out back in May. So if anyone wanted to play...sowwy =/ Hopefully will get a year subscrip for xmas mebbe. =3 also really want MW3 ><><><><><><; I hate being poor. Anyone know where i can find work in or near Davie, FL? X3

I start school Feb 2, 2012. Woo =3 Studyin for an associates in CNT (Computer Networking Technologies) @ Kaplan Uni down here in FL. ^^

I'm trying to save towards building a half decent desktop. Ball park $800-850 USD.
I have $20 TT

I WAS sick. Starting to feel a little bit better. Mebbe now can stop being a lazy ass and do job apps and shit. ><;

I need a life ._. By this, I of course mean I needs more peeps to rp with. if ya care, msg me at my accounts. they're on here I think. if not, they're on Facebook or on Babyfur.me =3

Ack. Idk what else to say....so yea.

PS. I'm a pony hater. y'all will never convert me unless there's a double-digit ammount of high-grade pot and several liters of 80-proof or better vodka being pounded down before hand. ><; Even then, it's still highly unlikely. Hit of the bong, anyone? =P

Doubt most of you even read these things I write anyway...but if you do, Leave a comment so I can give you a congratulatory "thanks for reading the random shit that goes on in my head" pat on the back. <3

So yea.... *bounces around all hyper-like; splodes into a pile of various fruity treats*

~Location~


~Belief and Pref~


~Species, etc~


~Activities~

My life seems so much less important (more important?) after hearing about this...I just can;t believe something like this could happen. Some one please invent a time machine already...because if anyone deserves a second shot...its him...this never should have happened....

~~~http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2813167/ ~~~
~~~http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2813220/ ~~~


If you don't already know....go read.

Im gonna go just...try not to cry in front of my mom now, and then proceed to be forced therefor into explaining this whole thing...

Today a friend has passed
Who never should have gone.
A dragon of the sea,
Whose spirit was a-drawn.
Left this earth today by means of the metal of man
Though certainly had wished to go with love upon the sand.
No more can wistful images be brought about his page,
No more can happy times be spent with him as we all age.
Gone away from us, whom shall miss him so
Athus, my distant friend, I’m sad to see you go.
As emotions truly I cannot rightly express,
In words and verse here I shall try and ease my duress.

Your art was of a caliber none soon can hope to match,
Your heart of a size a great dragoness must’ve hatched.
Its tragic the way you had to leave this world behind.
I hope in the end you left with peace and love upon your mind.
I hope you did not linger in the throes of pain too long
I hope you watch down over us and care for us with song.
I truly am sad to have to see you go,
You will be dearly missed, I hope that’s been shown.

~~~Rest In Peace~~~
Athus Nadorian aka Brian Dyer
(January 18, 1982 - October 11, 2011)


Has anyone come to a point in their life, where pretty much every door one can take has been slammed shut in their face? To the point where, metaphorically speaking, the world has broken both their legs, amputated one of their arms and paralized the other from the shoulder to the wrist? To the point where, under every aspect and circumstance, the only real reason left to get out of the bed every morning simply falls upon the fact that time keeps on going regardless of how you feel, life keeps on living, and you're absolutely incapable one way or another of removing yourself from the circle of life?

Well the fact of the matter is...I'm there. I have no car (my Jeep broke down; won't shift, and found oil in the antifreeze. I can't afford to fix it, and can't afford the insurance, either), No Job, No money, no way to attend school, no permanent home, no way to get anywhere to look for a job, and pretty soon most likely no phone. I have no doors open to me that I can see that will improve my current situation in the long run.

I have two options. Stay here in Maryland, living off/with my father, who barely makes enough to support himself and my little brother, Paul. Our rental home is in the middle of Union Bridge, aka Podunk Nowhere. There's nowhere within walking or biking distance that I could even apply to for a job, much less work at.

Or, hitch my wheels to my mother's train and head down to Florida. Where will we be staying? Where can I apply there? Can I attend school? Do I have to worry about if I'll have my phone tomorrow? Or any of the rest of the things that I own that I care about? Will I have to worry about where I'll sleep, finding new friends with my interests, and finding some way from point a to point b? All I can answer to all of these questions is "I have no fucking Idea." And, seeing as in the recent past all of my visits out into the great unknown have ended in utter failure, I really don't want to chose this option unless I have to until I can answer some of those questions for sure.

So here's my dilema. What should I do? I don't trust anyone anymore farther then I can throw them. And none of my family have done anything particularly noteworthy to say that I can rely on them for a whole lot.

I have nowhere to turn. I have nothing I can realy do. I don't believe in the religion I was raised on anymore, so I can't even pray. I have no hope; I lost that five months ago when I came back here from the rainy city. I sometimes wish that I just won't wake up and see tomorrow...because at least then my worries won't exist.

As I said in the title of this journal...I need help, but I have no voice to ask for it. I need assistance, but I have no way to signal or call out for it. I need advice, but I have no one left I trust enough to give it. I need a life...but my creator doth not pity me enough to lead me to it.

Yeah....I need a job.

A job will give me monies....I need monies.

With money, I can do more stuff....yay stuff! Like get a new Icon....I need one of those too.




In other recent news...With the money i got back from mom's insurance for the doc, I was able to finally take in my blackberry curve 5330 (it had a huge ass crack in the screen from "cushioning" the fall of my mom's laptop, the charger port broke, and it was held together with super glue and ducktape [i shit ya not...i can post a pic if ya all want o.o; ] ) to the verizon store, and I was able to UPGRADE it to the new 3GS Blackberry Curve 9330, in sleek black! ^^ They were out of the kick-ass otterbox cases at the store though, so mom ordered me one...it comes Tuesday! I just hope it isn't pink...they never gave me the option of what color i wanted........


Yeah, that, and my mom got an iphone 4 in white with a pink otterbox case o.o; Bastard... XD Lol. Not that it really matters....since I HATE touchscreens ^^;;;

Now the only thing on my birthday list is to replace my DS Lite...I NEED OPINIONS:::Should I get a 3DS, a DSi XL, or just a new DS Lite? I like the capability to play the older games...but the DS in the first place is only capable of playing Advance onward...plus I still have a perfectly fine Gameboy SP to play all those on. And I only have liek...four...or sumthin like that...that I still play...


ANYWAY...Opinions?

If you don't think so, so be it. I'm dense, and a damn blockhead most of the time...I put things off till the last minute, I forget about things that are important, I can't spell my way out of a cardboard box, I hate every part of English grammar.

Now you all know.

I try to fix it, I really do. Sadly, I doubt there's hope for me.

Its even worse when I know people from other COUNTRIES that have better English grammar then I do...


At least I can admit the fact that I know I suck at it...

As I've heard... "The first step is admitting you have a problem."

I have quite a few, though some of them have no actual form yet....or a great name.

Omen/Kiyo - Growlcanine/Arcalithe (Male)
Neo Snowmeow - Neon Snowleopard cub (Male)
Chance - Flareon (Male)
Hiyoru Kiyoshi - All-black Growlithe (Female)
Sola Lumini - Raigonetta (female herm)
Shadow - Mew (male herm)
Sparky - Chu (Male)

Several others, don't recall their names. =/

I have yet to decide which ones will stay...or if they all will...Any opinions?
And would anyone be willing to do a Request/commission at a later date of a Char sheet for omen/A group pic of my characters? Note me if interested...

I gave you every chance in the book to keep me with you. But you will not stop with just kit. Anyone who hurts you, ever, you think needs to be destroyed...and there's serious psychiatric issues at work there. Go see a serious shrink, before you or someone else gets killed over it...

I agree with Zero, Shizari, and everyone else. You've fuckin lost it bro...I hope you find peace somewhere.

Kit is a nice guy. I've seen chats with him, been in chat rooms with him. He even corrected the drawing of me on request. He's not bad, and I'm tired of siding with a hipocrite over stupid crap like this. Your plan will fail, like all the rest...or may succeed, better then you hoped.to the point where no one will be around you. I would've given my life for you, but you'd throw that away over something dumb...chawwy was right too. You -deserve- every bit of trolling he gives you. Goodbye, for good, Cole "Foxon" Gower. May your soul rest in peace.

I'm Sorry.
For everything.
I loved you.
May you someday find peace, before it leads you to pieces.

~Your last Omen

I feel as though I should simply stop caring about anything anymore, because it'll save me from all the hurt and the pain...It helps me to retreat into myself imo, where I can't be harmed, and I don't have to care.

I want to hear everyone's opinions on this, as it affects most of you I talk to...

Does anyone know what it means to have a black romance? If you don't, please go read homestuck (http://www.mspaintadventures.com). I've recently found that I have a "black romance" with my ex, Twilight.

As a separate note, I'm once again SINGLE. I have a feeling that I am not really meant to have a love to hold in my arms...since the only one I've truly found I connect with on such a deep level is STRAIGHT Irl, and the only other friend I'd consider dating (He's fucking ADOREABLE, like OMG....) does not want a mate right now. But while this does bother me slightly, I am okay with it...not having to worry about and be caught in the doldrums of love gives me the opportunity to concentrate on other things...like finding a
J
O
B
.
Further on this topic...I've recently found out that there are several locations in my immediate area that are HIRING. One of which is hiring AT ALL LOCATIONS/BRANCHES! I'm going to spend my time tomorrow filling out their online applications, and submitting my RESUME. Can you all believe that I was one of those people...who didn't have a damn clue how to make one of these things? =X? If all goes well, I'll be employed...and therefore, having held up my end of the bargain, might be able to FINALLY start school again! ^^

I have a distinct plan in mind, to major under the topic of Biology, and perhaps minor in Psychology...since I feel like a damn Psychologist all the time anyway, why not get paid to do the shit I do every day?

I -DO- plan to go for a doctorate, in the long run... Doctor Omen/Kiyoshi has a good ring to it, don't you think ^^?

So begins the long path towards the realm of SMART PEOPLE...god some of them are annoying...YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE, Ya heartless black witch! *snickers and tugs her tail playfully* J/K. Room mates have to have fun, too, ya know...otherwise they aren't really room mates! They're just two people who happen to share a place (in OUR case, a single ROOM o.o;) gods it sucks not being able to fully support oneself....thanks Foxy for not going too into that on me. though, I am kinda curious what all you've said about me to this new mate of yours o.o; THAT happens to be -my- paranoia...

That brings the set to mild paranoia, soft schizophrenic, ADD, minutely insane, moderately amnesic, depressive, and moderately bi-polar. not to mention, significantly random when the silence drives me mad enough. WELCOME TO THE PILE OF ISSUES! ^^;

Anyway, this Journal's starting to ramble on, so I guess I'mma call it quits for now, and attempt to stalk my straight foxy.....as well as perhaps the recently non-paranoid foxy. Have a feeling I'll be up late...hit me up on IM if you're interested in occupying my time. I -LOVE- to yiff...especially when it comes to lifting my tail....so hit me up PLEASE if you are interested! I am NOT above begging it seems!


Hiken "Omen" Kiyoshi
Neo Snowmeow
Hiyoru Kiyoshi
Sola Lumini

aka Brad Servary (I hate my real name......)

Why do I always fall for the straight guys? >//////<;

I've come to the realization that I'm more torn up then I can admit to myself or anyone else. Apple/Twilight....it will take me a LONG time to repair what you did to me....you were my everything...and then you just left...no one can fathom the loss. Having your true love, the one you considered your soul mate ripped from your palms...

Then again, you can also relate, I think...Caitlin.

I refuse to have a mate, or a love, at this point in time. If I try, it will be my broken self that's all they see...and I don't want anyone to fall for someone who isn't the true me. He's on Hiatus, and I'm going to take this time to battle my demons, and try to call him back to me.

If I say "I love you" to ANYONE until I post a journal labeled "Repaired" Or "Whole Again", it is not the mate kind of love I feel for you...

For me, there are different kinds...Companionship. Close Friends, possibly with benefits. Parental. Caregiver. Sibling. Offspring. Pet/Master. Owner. Life Companion. True/Soul Mate.

The lowest on the love hierarchy, is companion...these are just those chummychummy kind of friends you care for. The highest, is the soul mate/true love. Right below that, is a life companion. The rest fall somewhere between companion and life companion.

I thought I had my True Love/Soul mate. According to what I believe, each person gets only one....Can you all imagine now, how I feel? According to me, I had found mine. Was even engaged to him. And now he's gone. I don't get a second chance, unless my beliefs change....do I have to accept that I'll never feel that way again? Or do I have to keep trying, against all odds?

Whatever I have to do, I can't do for sure until I can repair the damage my cards have dealt to me.

Don't cause excessive drama for me, anyone. Its the last I need....I have to worry about me, my job, if I can afford to eat next week, and if I'll still have a roof to live under next month...this is no exaggeration, either. I don't want your pity, either...I don't need anyone feeling sorry for me.

It's times like these I regret quitting smoking....a cigarette always helped me calm down, and think. So far, I'm at least 7 months free of them...and a month clean from my other smoking choice. Yay me.

It seems simple. It is anything but.

1) Be willing to get over, conquer, and master your past. By any means necessary.

2) Make a list. Write down everything that has happened to you that is affecting your future in a negative manner. These are your problems, and what are holding you back. If you are not willing to get passed them, return to step one.

3) Start with the easy things first. these are usually the small, almost meaningless things.

4) Confront the problem if necessary. If it involves a person, work it out. if it is a person, discover what exactly is the problem about them. Accept that they are this way. And remember -- what's done is done. If you need assistance, seek outside help.

5) Continue on to the harder things...repeat step 4. Once things are settled, allow yourself to move on. You are better then the problem you face....don't let it control you. Remember....Violence is NEVER the answer. If you must resort to violence, return to step 1, and work out another path.

6) Conquer your problems...and then let them go. What happened in the past is something no one can change, and that's a fact. Things we can not change are things we need not worry over. Let them go.

7) If you manage to reach this point, you have succeeded. You should now be able to move on with your life...


People are not perfect, we all make mistakes. Shit happens. Always keep a shovel at the ready in order to get past the pile, as there are many on the road of life.


This has been a guide, brought to you by the Faithful Firepup, Hiken "Omen" Kiyoshi.

Pokemon Daycare center. Male Arcanine x Female Shinx.


R
A
P
E
?

'Nuff said.

(A random thought.....I should seriously stop thinking after this one ._.)

Okay, so I was at work with my dad and my little half-brother today. I had got to joking around with him about how covered in oil we both were (dad's a Master Mechanic), and the topic floated up about cock tattoos...I mentioned I read about a guy who had theirs tattooed to be completely midnight black, and we got into how PAINFUL that must be...

So yeah. That conversation then merged with one involving people naming their penises.....And I thought "hey, what if I got a dragon tattooed on my waist, with its flame flowing over my cock?" Yes, odd thought. But every time I'd get laid I could shout "you're about to get boned by the dragon's fire, BITCH! XD"

._.; I'mma stop thinking now....as me thinking is bad for the world...

Is stupidity contagious? ._.;

Yeah, the title sums it up shortly.
Yesterday, at about 7pm Easter US time, my mom pulled in the driveway with groceries. We (me, my bro Bryan, step bro JC, and step bro Billy) helped bring them inside, before asking to take the car to run up to 7-11 for sodas. Mom agreed, so we all hopped in, and went up to get sodas. We got stuck in the snow coming back though, so we took a little longer then I anticipated. When I went back to return my mom's keys, I found her in her room crying...my grandma (her mom) called her phone, so I answered it (on speaker...I have no idea how to work the verizon voyager, if I remember the model name right) and found out she had tried to kill herself, and that the EMTs, my Uncle Erik, and Aunt Terry were on their way.

I ended up going with my Aunt Mary to visit her in the hospital, at about 8...I had a leftover breakfast sammich before hand, as I hadn't eaten all day...and grabbed an overnight bag just in case. I didn't finally get to go back to see her 'till after 10pm. They kept her overnight, and this morning I found out she's been sent to Shepherd Pratt Mental Hospital, and is going to be kept there a few days.

I guess the stress from losing our house (its in progress, prolly gonna be foreclosed on), of me being unable to find a job/having no idea about where I'm gonna go to school, of the 18+inches of snow we just got on the ground (and the 12+ inches MORE we're supposed to get between today and tomorrow), of the marriage issues going on between her and Mr. Bill (my step dad), her job, and just the general stress of daily life all finally were too much for her to handle...

...add to that the stress now all falling on me, being the oldest in my family (kid-wise) and the fact my boyfriend (he prefers to be called "girlfriend" though) doesn't feel the same way about me as I do him, and one can probably piece together my life at this time. I have no gas in my truck, and no money to get any, either.

All in all...life sucks. I don't want to, but I also know if I didn't have my online friends, my other friends, and those I talk to every day to rely on, I'd be the next one on my way to the rubber room...

Perhaps, if I find the time and the words, this might become a story of some kind...?
Feel free to comment, especially about the possibility of the story.

Peace!
~Hiken "Omen" Kiyoshi, Firepup~

Okay, So everyone knows its the holiday season. I got lots of nice stuff for christmas....a sum total of 300 US greenbacks, a "LiveStrong" band, Couple gift cards, an Avatar Tshirt, and most importantly...tickets to Detroit, MI...to see my love. I LOVE YOU TWILIGHT STORMSHI! Also Got a totally huggable black yoshi plush...soon to be a modified black yoshi plush~ ^^ just one thing: How the heck am I gonna be able to pack it before I get on the plane home?

Twi's such A good cook, and its quite nice here...I've had so many different kinds of food...and reallllly good pizza too =3

Anyways...its 7:30 am, so I gotta get off doing stuff ^^
Peace ^^