As those that read journals and/or talk with me know, I've had to move apartments this month. There is going to be a lot of focus on that into the new year, mostly due to time constraints and scheduling. I'll also take a bit of an advantage of the situation to do some extra sorting and organizing. Once that is fairly settled, the real work and efforts begin.

I think the biggest things I want to work on would be by art and streaming. I got lots of games I can play for streams. The entire Kingdom Hearts collection, MegaMan X Collection, a myriad of other PS4 games, and a good number of PC games to stream on Twitch. I should pick up streaming art on Picarto again too. The interaction that can happen is nice to have. Can make focusing on the drawing a little easier too.

Long overdue general update for those still tracking here. Been doing a number of things to try improving myself and my situation. I've had varying levels of success with pretty much all of them. I've moved up a level at work and am now a flat-rate tech. I've found a means to improving a few things mood and energy wise as well. It was a simple change to my diet. I started eating more fruit again, something I used to do a fair bit in the past. I'm guessing it's due to giving my body more things it has been lacking.

Art is still lacking much on activity. A lot of that is still due to lacking real time to dedicate. My shifts are still the same and travel is not really much better. My mental state regarding my art has improved, so that is a change for the better.

Life overall has hit some road bumps. Due to some unpleasant circumstances, I'm stuck in a situation that is forcing a move this month. So, yeah, my holiday is not gonna be too happy or jolly. It also seems that my student loan situation has been stalled, which I'm sure is shared by others. Legal stuff is holding up the forgiveness of stuff done by the disreputable for-profit schools like ITT, which I sadly went to. My approval on it seems guaranteed. It's just held up by that lawsuit mess.

Still got some improvements to make on several areas, but I'm trying. I'm going to be taking a number of things a good deal more seriously. I'm also exploring some options to maybe earn more from things besides my job. I've got stuff I'd like to be free of and other things I'd like to finally be able to afford. It's gonna mean more work, but that's life for ya.

Been doing a lot of looking back and at myself. What I see is upsetting, yet it makes sense. After all this time and reflecting, I realize I am not who I was or want to be anymore. The nice, creative, energetic, and eager person I once was is gone. Any signs I might have seen or shown are either lingering remnants of that old self or attempts to pretend that side still exists. That version is gone. The huge heartbreak of divorce saw to that. That moment wasn't closure, it was letting that side die. All that remains is the broken, bitter, and lonely shell that can't deal with the pain anymore.

While there may be enough of a decent person left to not be a total jerk, what remains has developed a self-centered focus of concern dominated by responsibilities and personal issues. Even attempts to be supportive and empathetic have been affected by this change in overall priority, even if that is not the intent. If there is any portion of that better side left, it has become afraid of being hurt or betrayed again. It runs away at the slightest bit of pain leaving only the sad and miserable husk to deal. Pretty sure no one wants to put up with that. I know I do not, but I cannot leave myself.

Those that pay attention and actually care have probably noticed a lack of even signs of me trying to do anything creative. To be honest, I'm not finding anything that motivates or inspires me at all. Sometimes just trying to get that going just plain hurts.

I find I wonder why I bother wanting to try. There is little genuine interest in what I can and have done. When I consider offering commissions, I feel reminded of every time that it did not work out. I have no idea how much I could charge and still seem fair. I have fewer ideas on how to advertise or promote availability. Most importantly, how would I balance it with everything else? My main job keeps me out for 10 to 11 hours a day. My shifts are 9 hours and commute times can be ridiculous depending on the time and day. Days not working at my job are spent on other responsibilities and doing what I can to preserve my sanity, whatever of that remains.

Not from me, but here: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/45928274/

Their art is pretty good too, so go give 'em a watch.

Thursday the 27th. That's the day. Doesn't excite me or make me happy. It does the exact opposite. It just reminds me that I am an afterthought. Hardly worth acknowledging what day it is. I wish I could forget it, but I cannot. It's just too ingrained what day I was born.

It had been a long, tiring day of work. The hybrid fox sat in his car taking a few moments to try collecting himself after everything. While lunch had been provided by work, he had not had an actual break that day. To take his mind off things, he scrolled through some messages on a social media app on his phone. The fox came across a particular message that caused a stir in his emotional state. Looking at his paws and arms, still somewhat matted by dirt and grime from working on cars, the fox, Michael Arctic, realized he had lost all recognition of himself. There was nothing driving him in life. He was merely adrift in his existence without anything resembling a destination. All the sadness, misery, and self-loathing made sense right then and he broke down.

As Arctic cried, he knew he had to change. Going on like that was not acceptable to him. No drive or passion was no way to live. It only served to keep his self-worth utterly destroyed and in ruins. Something had to change and he had to find that lost desire and passion, even if it wasn't the same focus. The fox realized there was no way he would get his life together the way he wanted or even needed to without it. All the continuing like he had been would achieve would be further misery and isolation.


A somewhat different way to present, but very true. It's very much how I feel and was the way my work day ended before coming home a couple days ago.

The luck winner is #3. https://www.furaffinity.net/view/40927288/ belonging to  love_91

Thanks to all who entered. I'll get to this soon as I can. This weekend was busy and tiring. Thus the delay in the announcement.

Last day to enter is tomorrow. Get those entries in.

https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/9801188/

Besides minor tweaks as I adjust to the new layout, my rig is ready.

Raffle is still going. Only a few days left to get in. https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/9801188

My new rig is nearly ready. As a means of testing and practicing with it to adjust regarding using my art tablet with it, I am offering up a free raffle for a pin-up piece.

To enter, please do the following:

1. Comment to this journal.
2. Provide a character ref. Visual refs are preferred.
3. Indicate if you want SFW or NSFW

Optional: Give a rough idea, theme, and/or setting. It can help the idea process


After posting your entry, I will give a number. There will be at least one winner. I may also create any entry I find interesting enough as well.
Deadline is either in a week or at 25 entries.

Best of luck to everyone.

Everything has arrived. I'm getting the pieces together and programs installed and updated. To celebrate and as a means to practice and adjust to the new system, I am going to do a free raffle. I'll make a journal later with the details. I plan to advertise this over a few places but compile entries here.

After some looking and weighing of options, I have found one I can afford and that will be near perfect for my needs. It will take a week to show after I order it. Once I have it running, I will be looking to jump into taking commissions again. I'll be doing something special to help me adjust to it before properly opening slots, so keep watch for that. It's a bit exciting as this will be my first proper desktop.

After getting things up and running with Wifi and my laptop, I discovered a crippling issue. It's a Dell Inspiron that can fold over into a tablet mode. The screen is able to respond to touch due to that. It had developed an issue where there is a snall area that acts like it gets touched repeated without actual contact. I've tried to disable the touch function of the screen, but nothing is present for it to be turned off. It makes doing anything on it extremely difficult when that acts up, which is every few minutes at best. I'm going to have to replace it after its five years of being my only computer.

After several days of driving then a few days of unpacking and rough organizing, I am glad to say my move is complete. Getting back to normal work now. After a little more getting settled and set up, I should be able to get to working on my art and the like again. It's been pretty good so far and I have been in a great mood despite the hard working of the move stuff.

Some crazy things going on right now. I'll start with the bad just to get it out of the way.

Firstly, got some covid scares going on. The person I'm gonna be moving in with has caught it, but they'll be good come moving time. My dad might have it, but not gotten the actual results yet. I'm fairly hopeful he doesn't have it as he is the only one sick and my mom is doing fine. No one else is having a problem either. I myself am not having any signs either. Only changes I've had is a spike in stress as this does give me a bit to worry over beyond the usual life stuff. Work is still only leaving me one set day off, which is annoying. With most of my shifts being 8 to 10 hours, it eats up a ton of time and makes doing things for myself a challenge. Everything is suffering in that regard.


Despite things, the moving plan is going forward on target. The intended move-in date and departure day are still in place as expected. Things are coming together regarding sorting and preparations. I've got rough ideas of what I'll be taking and what will be shipped at different points. It's a slower process due to work schedule, but it is progressing well. Pretty much everything is in place for transfers and all as well.

My commission status is open right now also. It's just not being openly advertised yet. Time is not something I have much of. For those that want one, it will be a slower process right now.

With how this year has been, I'm just going to consider it done and start working on plans for next year. I already have been a bit, tbh.

First up is moving again. I'm moving back with my friend in Washington. Now that I've gotten my divorce done and have been able to get my emotional state much better, I've realized a few things. I had a lot of chances to be among others a lot more than anywhere. I was just so caught up in my own misery that I let the weakest reason not to stop me. Yes, it was more costly to live there, but I had met a lot more nice people that I could have possibly hung with more than I ever did in Nebraska growing up.

Next big plan is going to be trying to go to my first even Con. I've wanted to for years now, but things never worked out. The ex was a bit of a roadblock too as she didn't care about going to any but didn't want to let me go on my own. Now I plan to start saving and prepping ASAP for one I plan to make my first, Anthro North West. I'll have the better part of a year for it, so that should give lots of time. I'll be trying to save for it via commissions and storing extra funds when I can.

I'm also wanting to get back my creative drive again. It's been down for too long and I want my old levels back. Not sure how I will get that back, but I want to rebuild that. Along with that, I'd like to get to where I can add in a commission or two into my artwork. I'll eventually openly put out my availability for comms, but that might be a couple weeks. I'm technically still open. I have just not been advertising it.

This whole month has been hard. I've only had one day off a week and been getting around 50 hours each week at work. The OT is nice and all, but the wear on me has been heavier than normal. It's left me with little time and no energy for much of anything.

I've finally got the full confirmation that my divorce is indeed final and finished. I am free of all that and can properly rebuild without worry. It has me considering taking up a few commissions again early next month. Not sure when as I have one more OT-heavy week to get through before my schedule goes back to something more normal. I'll post something about it if and when I do.

I remember watching so many movies with him in them. He was a great talent with many a role and masterpiece with his name tied to them. It saddens me to hear he has passed.

Commissions prices will be shown here and will be updated as needed. Any relevant information will also be added and adjusted here as things develope.

Status: OPEN

Request slots via notes

Prices:
BW Sketches $15
BW Lines $20
Flat color sketch $25
Flat color lined $35
Shaded BW sketch $25
Shaded BW lined $35
Shaded color sketch $45
Shaded color lined $55

Backgrounds $10-$35
Extra characters $10-$30


Slots:
1
2
3
4
5

ToS: https://www.furaffinity.net/commiss.....ns/mikearctic/

Meant to do this a while ago, but the move went well enough. Had some freak nasty weather occur that slowed me down a day, but things worked out. I'm safely back in Nebraska. Still sorting through some things, but I'm doing a bit better. Job transfer worked out well so I don't have the job-seeking hurdle.

I've had a bit of my creativity come back. Just not as much as I'd like. It needs a boost. My income also still needs a bit of a boost, especially if I want to start looking for my own place come this summer. With the fact my regular work shifts are looking to be a bit on a floating basis, I am again considering using my art as a means of earning a second income as a buffer. This time, I am wanting, and needing, sound advice and mentoring. I cannot let it fall apart again.

Just after my birthday this month I'll be leaving to move back home. I'm concerned I won't have adequate funding for the trip. At most, I'll manage to cover fuel. Food is looking iffy and lodging for overnight pretty much not possible. The total drive time is estimated at 25 hours going by maps. Rough estimates for stops for refueling and the like puts it at a day and a half trip. I'm already anticipating the odds of either sleeping in my car or just not sleeping to be high. Neither are good in winter. I'm not sure what I can do to cover that without having others lend or just give money to cover, which I really don't want. I already feel worthless enough cuz of things like that. I'm already taking steps to try reducing certain expenses. Cutting out extras and other things where I can. I've already basically stopped getting sodas, which should benefit in other ways too. I doubt that will be enough. Even with this month granting an extra payday due to how they fall this month, I feel I will be short, especially for a move of a little of 1700 miles driving. I live near Seattle now and am going back to Nebraska. Long drive. Flying is out cuz I refuse to leave my car. I need it and it's not yet half paid off. Besides, I need a way to transport my stuff as well as myself.

Simply put, I need to boost my income for moving but need help doing so.

It's been rough. I'm in some bad ways and some compound others. The lease of where I'm living is up next month. My only real option is moving back home. Things look shaky regarding said move. I question being able to have the funds for it. It may well end up a very hungry 2-day drive.

I've removed myself from the majority of the groups I was in. I didn't want to bring things down due to my own negativity and depression. I'm enough of a dark cloud around those that have to deal with me directly. No one wants to suffer with that online as well. Besides, I was basically a lurker with nothing to add to said groups. I've just been keeping to myself to avoid bringing others down with me.

Productivity and creativity wise, everything has basically come to a halt. I have lost passion for just about everything. I can't even bring myself to attempt to scribble. Everything I've made feels like it's trash and should just be torn down and thrown in the garbage with myself. I've told myself several times that I should just give up completely as nothing will ever come of my efforts.

There it is. Things have not been well and do not look like they will really get better any time soon.

I know it's been a while. Too long. Things are a bit mixed around and out of balance. The new job has been alright, mostly. It's a bit annoying dealing with the lack of cooperation between the techs. Guess that's just the way it is with mechanics, especially flat-raters.

I've been super depressed lately. My loneliness has been eating at me hard. I also feel like there is no point in putting in effort regarding my personal projects and all. I feel like my work is trash that no one wants to see. I barely want to look at it lately even.

Finally, I think it is time for a very personal piece to be revealed. It will be the next submission I make. Maybe it will help me move on with some things.

My schedule is about to change a good deal as it gets to time to start my new job. I'll be back to something more normal and be back to a more natural sleep schedule too. My art has been picking up thanks to the dragon characters I've been designing lately. Hopefully, the return to daytime hours and sleeping at night will boost things more.

I've relaunched my Patreon a while ago. Just not done much updating. I have no plans of paywalling my work. Even if I do post art there, it will become public eventually. What it will focus on is the world I have been making for some time. I'll be getting more of the lore fleshed out as I progress with things. The dragons I have been designing are part ot that world. I'll work on updating in the next few days.

One more thing, this offer IS still valid: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/901340/