"What Happened to All the Nice Guys?"

Date: 2007-11-19, 3:52AM PST


I see this question posted with some regularity in the personals section, so I thought I'd take a minute to explain things to the ladies out there that haven't figured it out.

What happened to all the nice guys?

The answer is simple: you did.

See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a Platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He'd tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn't feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the (other) guy that you were fucking treated you.

At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you. Given that his behavior was, admittedly, a little pathetic, you vehemently denied having any romantic feelings for him, and buttressed your position by claiming that you were "just friends." Besides, he totally wasn't your type. I mean, he was a little too short, or too bald, or too fat, or too poor, or didn't know how to dress himself, or basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease.

Eventually, your Platonic buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was, admittedly, a little weird, if you werent dating him. More time passed, and the boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the things that attracted you to him weren't the kinds of things that make for a good, long-term relationship. So, now, you're single again, and after having tried the bar scene for several months having only encountered players and douche bags, you wonder, "What happened to all the nice guys?"

Well, once again, you did.

You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive "just-a-" friend. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life. He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren't really attracted to guys who hold doors open; or make dinners just because; or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you're upset; or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he'd have to act more like the boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some money, and generally acted like more of an asshole than he ever wanted to be.

Fact is, now, he's probably getting laid, and in a way, your ultimate rejection of him is to thank for that. And I'm sorry that it took the complete absence of "nice guys" in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted them. Most women will only have a handful of nice guys stumble into their lives, if that.

So, if you're looking for a nice guy, here's what you do:

1.) Build a time machine.
2.) Go back a few years and pull your head out of your ass.
3.) Take a look at what's right in front of you and grab ahold of it.

I suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don't really want a nice guy, but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed his nice guy mantle and is out there looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you.

If you were five years younger.

So, please: either stop misrepresenting what you want, or own up to the fact that you've fucked yourself over. You're getting older, after all. It's time to excise the bullshit and deal with reality. You didn't want a nice guy then, and he certainly doesn't fucking want you, now.

Sincerely,

A Recovering Nice Guy


P.S. Except I'm still the nice guy...

Key: [x]=yes 1 full point, [/]=somewhat 1/2 point, [ ]=no 0 points

(My personal commentary is added in parentheses.)

[/] public speaking (Somewhat. More of a discomfort than a fear.)
[X] staying single forever
[/] Rejection
[ ] being a parent
[ ] giving birth (Wouldn't know anything about it.)
[ ] being myself in front of others
[ ] open spaces
[ ] closed spaces
[X] heights
[ ] dogs
[ ] fish
[ ] spiders (I have respect for it.)
[ ] flowers or other plants
[ ] that Scary guy...
[ ] being touched (I'm more of the opposite of afraid of it.)
[ ] fire (I have respect for it.)
[ ] deep water
[ ] snakes
[ ] silk
[ ] the ocean
[ ] failure
[ ] success
[ ] thunder/lightning
[ ] frogs/toads
[ ] my boyfriends/girlfriends dad
[ ] my boyfriends/girlfriends mom
[ ] rats
[/] jumping from high places
[ ] snow
[ ] rain
[ ] wind
[ ] crossing hanging bridges
[ ] death
[ ] heaven
[ ] being robbed
[ ] falling
[ ] clowns
[ ] dolls
[ ] large crowds of people
[ ] men
[ ] women
[X] having great responsibilities
[ ] doctors, including dentists
[ ] tornadoes
[ ] hurricanes
[ ] incurable diseases
[ ] sharks
[ ] Friday the 13th
[ ] ghosts
[/] poverty
[ ] Halloween
[ ] school
[ ] trains
[ ] odd numbers
[ ] even numbers
[/] being alone
[/] becoming blind (No more art...*shudders*)
[/] becoming deaf (No more music...*shudders*)
[ ] growing up
[ ] creepy noises in the night
[ ] bee stings
[ ] not accomplishing my dreams/goals
[/] needles
[ ] blood
[ ] dinosaurs
[ ] the welcome mat (HUH¿?)
[ ] high speed
[ ] throwing up
[ ] falling in love
[ ] super secret

Final Total: 7

If you wish to post this in your journal, it's been requested that you title it I'm afraid of __ out of 75 common fears.

If you get more than 30, I strongly recommend some counseling.
If you get more than 20, you’re paranoid.
If you get 11-20, you are normal.
{{{If you get 10 or less, you're fearless.}}}

"If we had sex..."

1. Would you be in control?
2. Would you pull my hair?
3. Would you whisper in my ear?
4. Would you talk dirty to me?
5. Would you kiss me with a little tongue or a lot of tongue?
6. Would you say my name?
7. Would you go down on me?
8. Would you let me give you a hickie?
9. How many rounds would we go?
10. What would you wanna do afterwards?
11. Would you take off all your clothes then take mine off slowly?
12. Would you lick and bite me all over?
13. Would you like to play or get straight to the point?
14. Would you want me to take my time?
15. How freaky are you, 1 - 10?
16. Would you want fast or slow?
17. Where would you wanna "do it"?
18. Would you be loud or quiet?
19. Would you want me to be loud or quiet?
20. Would you mind if i liked you?
21. Do you like me?
22. Would you call me the next day?
23. Would you scratch me?
24. Would you let me scratch you?
25. Would you have to be drunk?
26. Would you date me?
27. Would you do it today?
28. Would you do it tomorrow?
29. Do you think that we would go any further then just sex?
30. Are you going to re-post these so I can answer them for you?
31. Would you make love to me or fuck me?

Because everyone is doing it...

1. Are you single or taken?
-As single as can be.

2. Chocolate or flowers?
-Chocolates, I don't get along with plants very well.

3. Will you do anything special for Valentines Day?
-Nope.

4.Do you like anyone?
-...

5. Were you dating anyone last Valentines?
-No, and neither the year before that nor the year before that, and so on.

6. What would be your dream Valentines date?
-An entire romantic day with someone special.

7. Do you make a big deal about Valentines?
-Not really.

8. Have you ever had a secret admirer?
-I doubt that...

9. Would you ever write someone a love letter?
-I know of noone who would even care to read it if they knew it was from me...

10. Do you believe in Cupid?
-No.

11. Do your parents give you presents on Valentines?
-No.

12. Do you still send out Valentines cards?
-Never did, doubt I'll ever do.

13. Do you like candy hearts?
-Never tried V-day ones.

15. Is Valentines depressing?
-For someone like me Yes.

16. How do you feel about PDA?
-In my current situation it makes me really sad.

17. How is your love life?
-Love life??

18. Have you ever been dumped on Valentines?
-I lack the key component to be dumped... <_<

19. How many roses would you want?
-Read above.

20. Will you have a boyfriend/girlfriend next Valentines?
-I hope so, and have done so for the last several years...

I wanted to save this because it's o so true.

-=-=-=-

To every guy that's said, "Sex can wait."

To every guy that's said, "You're BEAUTIFUL."

To every guy that was never too busy to drive across town (or across the state) to see her.

To every guy that gives flowers and a card when she is sick.

To every guy who has given her flowers just because.

To every guy that said he would die for her.

To every guy that REALLY would.

To every guy that did what she wanted to do.

To every guy that cried in front of her.

To every guy that she cried in front of.

To every guy that holds hands with her.

To every guy that kisses her with MEANING.

To every guy that hugs her when she's sad.

To every guy that hugs her for no reason at all.

To every guy who would give his jacket up for her.

To every guy that calls to make sure she got home even though she went home with that other guy.

To every guy that would sit and WAIT for her for hours just to see her for ten minutes.

To every guy that would give his seat up.

To every guy that just wants to CUDDLE.

To every guy that reassured her that she was beautiful no matter what.

To every guy who told his secrets to her.

To every guy that tried to show how much he CARED through every word and every breath.

To every guy that thought maybe this could be the ONE.

To every guy that believed in her dreams.

To every guy that would have done anything so she could achieve them.

To every guy that never laughed at her when she told him her dreams.

To every guy that walked her to her car.

To every guy that WASN'T just trying to get laid.

To every guy that gave his HEART and SOUL.

To every guy who PRAYS that she is HAPPY even if you are not with her.


***Not many girls appreciate nice guys anymore ... And because of this, there are not many left out there!!!

If you are a nice guy repost this with "Nice guys finish last." in great big letters

If you are a girl that thinks every guy should try to accomplish even a few of these repost this with: "To the nice guys left behind"