I am moof ^ ^

https://soundcloud.com/kyle-liebau/.....ple-enticement

Soundcloud link: https://soundcloud.com/kyle-liebau/.....n-to-nightfall

A bit of a strange one compared to what I have normally done even though most of my stuff is experimental at this point anyways, kind of lost inspiration and direction near the end which caused it to be more on the odd side than anything but it turned out alright I guess ^^




Soundcloud link: https://soundcloud.com/kyle-liebau/shacklebitted

And I know I have been improving by a lot (or at least I am told) but as the past few days have gone by I really have had no inspiration at all, not really
feeling making music at the moment and just trying to figure out other stuff, most of it being on a social level more than anything but I don't want to
complain to much as that can get pretty annoying if I just use this journal to only vent, but it will be out soon hopefully and then I can work on something
fresh maybe and that might give me the inspiration I need to make more music.

For a first time I think it went pretty good, kind of came into it without knowing many furs but I can say I had safely made a few friends and strengthened some older ones, though I did have a pretty good time there were some moments that didn't go very well as a few people I am not gonna list on here were pretty rude towards me when I met up with them, I don't know if they were having a bad time or what but it was kind of hurtful and I still don't think I can talk to them right now there for I spend most of my friday night alone in the hotel for a while, drinking myself stupid and being overly sensitive and crap that I try to grab a hold of and not let it take control over me, thankfully though as I was happy to hear from a few friends earlier in the morning to change my mood around, since I am not used to people caring much for me that was a nice change and they helped dearly <3

Also sunday morning all the way till like sundown I woke up with something bound to my sleep quarters feeling quite ill, I actually drank quite a lot of water there and had myself enough food, so no idea how I got it since I slept pretty well that morning also.

I also took a lot of pics with some awesome furs but sadly half of the are a tiny bit distorted since I tend to shake a lot, and it is due to something I am still not aware of yet so I gotta see a doctor for that definitely, hopefully nothing too serious as I am doing it right now as I type this.

I figured everything out with the money, transportation and getting a room so this should be an awesome first furry convention, pretty excited I gotta admit ^_^


also my new track is out, I feel every time I make a track I gain a little experience along with it:

https://soundcloud.com/kyle-liebau/.....-night-is-sour

for higher quality check it out on soundcloud of course ^^

A EDM track I made that after making it I finally realized how bad mp3 sounds compared to wav format, so I am guessing I will start posting shorter versions or previews here, and releasing wav format on soundcloud so it is more higher quality.


https://soundcloud.com/kyle-liebau/.....st-of-the-heat

I think I did a pretty good overall job on this one even though it was giving me problems with the mastering and mixing, I use maximus mostly was coming across errors when exporting the track, I figured out I couldn't have it on the master track so I got rid of it and then it exported fine so that was good :)

Check it out on soundcloud if you want to

https://soundcloud.com/kyle-liebau/.....ort-deliration

Tell me what you think ^_^

Well I guess I just want to start of by saying I appreciate everyone who has given there time to befriend me, and I hope to share much with you in the future.

With that said I want to discuss a problem I have been having lately and it is kind of a bummer to be honest as I cannot seem to join conversations and a lot of the time kill the conversations or get completely ignored, I barely get hit up online even though I have a lot of friends which is what ever at this point I am used to it I just hit them up instead and if they are busy I talk to them later as i would expect them to do for me.

But it is really more about me joining a conversation and me being a ghost in the room almost all the time, either that or am I just really not well known enough by these people I am talking to them almost every day now for a good 2 months some of which I have met in real life now.

I guess I gotta be around more, maybe talk a bit even though I do and just bringing up topics to get people to talk, and if they do not like it well fuck'em I guess even though I hate being rude.

Feel pretty good about this one, give me feedback if you would like always appreciate peoples opinions as long as they are constructive.

https://soundcloud.com/kyle-liebau/finding-in-mind

Something went weird with the new track I made when I update FL Studio to the newest version, it kind of made everything overloaded and crackly no matter what I did for it really of course it doesn't sound like that when you export it but when working on it the sound was just too out of wack to really do anything, so I released it finished but not complete to what I wanted it to be but I am still pretty happy with it.

More of a learning experience out of it than anything.


https://soundcloud.com/kyle-liebau/untenable-tech

I kind of took a bit more time not realizing what I wanted for it really as it was more of a experimental track not like some of the older ones that were pretty experimental in there own way, but in this track I might of been inspired in a new way to make possibly experimental glitch/techno types of tracks and see how those go.

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/21260115/

Listen to it if you want but I think it sounds better on my Soundcloud https://soundcloud.com/kyle-liebau/.....ctric-erratica

anyways have a nice day or night everyone!

With his own words told me we cannot be friends anymore due to my depression being to much like the people he takes care of, now normally I would be sad about this but to be honest I do not have any real feelings towards it anymore at all in fact I feel that him disappearing has landed me more friends if anything due to me seeking them out.

Also my cat for somehow is doing good again, he was literally a toothpick the last time I posted and was throwing up and meowing in pain but it looks like he might be hanging on a bit longer since we got him to eat finally and he is not throwing up since we gave him medicine for it, so he is actually doing a lot better and hopefully he continues to get better but I will not hold my breath since he is 18 years old and counting.

My best wishes towards him and anyone out there not doing so well themselves.

He he is a purely main coon and was with me for 18 years of my life making him very old now, but as of the recent weeks he has been losing his health more and more and now he is not even eating let alone barely drinking, we think his body is shutting down and it has been quite painful for him as he let's us no with his meow's, he has also gotten really skinny to the point of it being pretty dangerous and if he does not pass this week we are probably going to have to put him down at the end of the week itself.

He lived a very good life at least and I am going to do everything I can for him until his time comes, I thought I should post this here to get it off of my chest.

I really don't know if it is just me? but a lot of people who seem interested in getting to know me kind of just don't ever respond back, it is kind of demoralizing when you put all the effort into someone and getting to know them just for them to up and ignore you when you are being as nice and understanding as you can, I try to talk about them and get to know them more before I talk about myself unless they start asking questions first then I let them know about me.

I am loyal and caring to my friends anyone I met that has stood by me would tell you that but it seem's people are more inclined to think not so highly of me even when I try my best to show them how sincere and truthful I am into making a friendship work, I don't get it this just is confusing and I kind of wish more people were a bit more open because as much as I enjoyed getting over my depression I feel it might be coming back :(

Finally I am getting over the depression that had plagued me these past weeks over something as simple as one person ignoring me when promising to hang out, I do admit I am usually quite lonesome but these past weeks I have made a few friends in return that have lightened my mood and made me feel more part of the community than I have ever felt before.

Now I have gotten over the actual depression itself but it seem's the depression might of caused some other issues that I do not really understand very well, I feel sad and sick when I wake up in the morning shaking with tremors not able to keep myself still unable to focus on anything at all, though on the bright side yesterday was better than the rest for that since it only lasted for about 2 hours and I have a feeling maybe it is the aftermath to being depressed for so long? or maybe it was the fact that I didn't have a certain medication I needed for about 2 week and that caused withdrawals.


I can speculate but I am just looking forward to the future for now on and going to stop dwelling so much on the past like I am known to do so much as of late.

And I do not mean a date or loving relationship that does not really interest me as I gave up on that a long time ago instead what I mean is finding a rl friendship in the fandom has been very hard these past 6 months when I realized it was time that I decided to come out from hiding from the community, and do not get me wrong I adore the fact that I have online friends that are there for me when they can be and that alone has gotten me through the summer and all the crap that came along with it and I cannot really express how much I appreciated and continue to appreciate it.

What I mean with this post is I was and now currently I am again searching for someone I can become rl friends with in my area I live in, I know people that have close rl friends that are in the community and I am happy for them, but the personal search was not going so well until I found someone who showed interest in hanging out and was a furry, I was very happy to meet him and we talked on almost a everyday basis so eventually we hung out a few days ago and as far as I know he enjoyed himself as well as I did.

But ever since the last few days he has grown somewhat distant and in fact the entire tuesday he did not even acknowledge my existence even though he was online and active for a good amount of the night and I am not talking about this site of course otherwise I could start some unwanted drama in which I have had enough of and is not my intention, but it kind of hit me hard as I have already been suffering from pretty bad depression as it is and well most of my life I have had problems with this since a kid to be exact sadly due to at school and home bullying.

I admit some of the messages I sent was me trying to get his attention and I admit that to him that I was feeling very lonely and since he is a counselor I think he might of read it differently from what I was actually trying to do which was get his opinion because I thought of him as a close friend but instead I got a remark saying that by saying things that would comfort me would not help and I Would rely on him everytime I felt bad instad I needed professional help in which I did get and it helped to a certain degree, he also said that I needed to stay positive even when it is hard and I again agree with him but that's easier said than done.

I still am very happy he helped me out but at the same time I think it pushed him away because almost everything I send him now is just silence I get nothing from him back, I now believe he is ignoring me and I might not be able to blame him as there is also more to this story but that is what I think put a nail in the coffin of our friendship, and that is all I ever wanted in the first place was to hang out with him when we could and just talk when he is on even if it is just a simple hello, but that is also shot down with pure silence.

I am going to try and not give up and if he hits me up again I will greet him with open arms, but seeing how it took six months and possibly being turned down I do not think I can handle it and if he really is not going to talk to me anymore I do not know what to do because when it sinks in it is going to hurt a lot.

I mean there is no point not to since I am trying to get out there more into this community and I need to stop being so shy and afraid what people will think of me, I have been like that too long in this life and that is no way for someone to live because all that brings is missed opportunities and possible friends and that can be a very lonesome way to live and it has been exactly that especially as of late.