i have been thinking for a while and desided to make a discord server do you think i should invite people from here? do yall want an invite?

i will be posting a small list of things i want for xmas soon :O!! see what i come up with

I am seeking an artist to make a design for me, this will be going on my skin so it needs to be the best i can find please! if you are interested in designing something for me please let me know i will note you with the info

Hey everyone, so i know you most likely didnt notice but i have been absent for a month or soo as of late and there is good reasons behind it. I thought i would post a journal and let everyone know yes i am still alive and trying to be the happy wolf that you all like to talk to.

so for those of you who dont know i started a job about 9 months ago and have been working almost every day nonstop, um what elce happened. Oh i got my licence and a car, i spent a week in hospital and well have just kind of been taking a step back and just letting everyone have the space and life without me around oxo

um i had to sell my dog, not that much of big news but she was cute when she wanted to be but it was better for her as i hate not having time for animals and it was better for her as it was kind of something pushed on me in the first place. i know that makes me sound like a bad person most likely but its better for an animal to have a home where they fit in and feel loved.

oh on un important news its my birthday -throws confetti- ok ok enough of that

anyway i hope you beautiful furred and scaled and fleshed creatures are all well and i do hope i was not overly missed ^^

please someone help me ... my doctors and kitty have told me i need to stop drinking coffee but the only issue is i dont have tea! i needs fancy stuffs or good tea ....please someone help me!

so i have been thinking about doing this for a while and i figured screw it why not

i want you guys to tell me exactly what you think of me even if you dont know me just your thoughts on me and if you do know me then tell me your thoughts aswell and be honest dont hold back. dont worry there will be no judgment here from me


so are you game enough to tell me or is it to much of a secret?

So someone i know is doing some coms for cheap !! http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8164575/ go check this out!


http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8164646/

so..i don't know why i am doing this...its most likely stupid as no one seems to read my journals anyway ..most likly my fault somehow-shrugs- .. part of me is tempted to wright a wish list but who am i to ask for things ..right?

so ..its Christmas again -throws confetti...- woo this whole year has fallen to pieces around me mostly some of its my fault ..and i know that but anyway ..whats everyone doing for their holidays?

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so to get to the point of this journal.. thanks to the guy who owns the house i am staying in i have literally no money at all to buy food or even buy myself something for the holidays ..since thats one of the only ways i will get something physical without being in America.. yes i buy my own gifts and presents most of the time..this year i have had some amazing people gift me some amazing art and show how they truly feel even if its hard to say it. i am rambling again...

look i know its stupid of me to ask but i need help people...even a few dollars or something on my wish list..it would make my holiday amazing


WISHLIST

food
legion
the last guardian
a gift for kitten  DeadlyLittleKitten
happieness for others..
money to help with things in my life



really the only thing i care about is others being happy and having an amazing holiday..i know its selfish of me to ask for help or to ask for anything really...so just if you are reading this journal please have an amazing week and i hope you give love and get it in return.. marry Christmas ..

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don't forget to check out these amazing people as well ..they have been good friends to me and deserve love  weebkinz  lirrie and if you want to help even more go look at our adopts most proceeds go towards kitty and myself to get to America so i can be back home..  Starfall-Adoptions

well you where warned everyone you had the chance to run butt nuuuuu

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12 AM ON THE 21ST OF NOVEMBER THATS RIGHT ITS HERE PEOPLE
guess that means
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i just turned 30 X...X

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soon

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3 days

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go look at these artists and give them love!!  Deadlylittlekitten  Lirrie  weebkinz

the shadows are flickering ..something can be seen what is that ?

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ten days

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go check out these artists..---->  weebkinz  lirrie  starfall-adoptions  sephrendemon

so another year and another birthday ...happy 14th birthday wildflower you are so beautiful...i wish i could hold you baby girl you will always be my beautiful flower...i hope on this day where ever you are that you are happy and having fun...most likely playing tricks on people and laughing with that amazing smile of yours...i miss you so much ....i wish you didn't have to leave...please remember that no matter what i will always and have always loved you princess...

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R.I.P
2002-2002


Happy 14TH Birthday

<3 Tarlia Wildflower Jager <3


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fourteen days

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soo i hate asking for help... but i need you guys more then ever.. i am starting a fund donation bin... i need to gather 2500 for a car ..this car will help with me having work and rent and food and so much more... with a car i can start earning money to get over to america and start the life i have been trying to start for so long.... now i know nothing happens in life for free..so i am offering my chibis as repayments for this help ...aswell as paying back once i start to work...please.. i really need this ....

cleans his sword as he listens to the soft whispers of cherry blossoms in the wind , the sound of birds singing and the smell of fresh tea filling his nostrils ..such was the life of this old wolf

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i cant give up....

no matter what..

no matter how many times you screw up...no matter how bad you fuck things up ....just keep trying....

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ooo look its an epic artist with a beautiful kind hearted raffle!!! http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/7836330/

so i was wondering if anyone wants to have some fun and try some gore art of one of my characters... i have a lot going on lately and frankly i would rather my character have their body ripped apart then me doing it to someone or to myself ...normally i dont give a fuck about myself and just dont show my inner workings...but fuck it i need to vent

please feel free to choose any of these guys and just have fun ..i dont care how gruesome it is ...in fact the more so the better...

miyuki http://www.furaffinity.net/view/20708104/

sakurai http://www.furaffinity.net/view/18369368/

genji http://www.furaffinity.net/view/18264401/

so i have a question... have you ever screwed up so bad that no matter what you do you feel like it will never be enough ...well i have and i can tell you i feel like the worst person in the world ...everything i do seems to hurt people or make things worse in life i keep trying to make things better and work things out and still i feel like i am failing...i wont be giving up though.....look i am not the most perfect person in the world ...i do the wrong thing i say the wrong stuff i have cheated and lied...but now i am trying to be better i dont want to be that cold heartless person i normally am ..sure i wont ever be nice to randoms and i wont be peoples friend but those who are close....the one who has my heart...they are everything to me....i want to be with them...i want them to feel that to ...i dont want people to think i am going to replace them or that i am just another scum bag.......how do you show someone that you love that they are the only person you want when all you have done in life is fuck everything up and made people think otherwise.... she is everything....she is the air i want to breath ....i feel like i am nothing but a waste of space ...yet i want to be her waste of space... i want her to love me and know i love her....i want those few people i do trust to know that i do trust them...i hide so much of my issues and my depression and hate for the world... but now the one person who understands me ...who trusted me and loved me ....sighs- never mind ...









i think i need to just be around more and do more for her maybe find work that does not take time away from her...that does not make me hate myself more for not being able to do the right thing and be there more for her...

so i have been to the doctors seems everything is going on latly.. i have torn 2 muscles in my sholder and have to go see a new shirnk ... oh what fun... i have a doctorsw appointment on frieday for a ecg as my heart has been screwing up alot latly and they want to get a catscan for the headaches i have..so besides all that i have lost more weight!! woot and besides that the doctor wants me to get more sleep lolYEAH RIGHT i sleep to much as it is ...


enough about me . how are you all ?

I dont even know how to start this but everyone i know needs to see this

So yesterday i spent time on call with my mate as normal but then a friend was added {yeah i know right a friend something i never have owo} and we spent a few hours talking and having fun, i have to admit yes me the old grumpy wolf had fun!! shock and amazement all around!^o^

But if this was not enough i got woken from my slumber tonight by my mate and she sends me a link, now normally with art i am very ooo its art but cool its what ever yo if you get what, i mean like i am happy and the art is epic but it never really makes me loose my shit over it .

Until NOW!!!... I can say with pure happiness and honest to goddess respect to all other artists in the world that thanks to two artists i have never been happier first shout out goes to  ohthatarelly who made an epic ref sheet of Miritsuyuki

But this next shout is special because as you all know i am one picky as hell wolf and if anything i cant stand missing detail but today when i saw this piece i almost damn near died EVERY SINGLE LAST BIT OF DETAIL from the eye to the length angle and even the thickness of the scar the eye was the right colour and all , what i am saying is i have never had a piece of art that i cant say "i have nothing to complain about" so this shout out goes to  cryart

Thank you both of you for making these pieces ...also thank you to my mate for making me open up to people more

So today marks a extremely important day to me my daughters birthday who was born 13 years ago on the 10th of November at 11 pm Tarlia Wildflower Jager was born in to this world... Now normally i would have spent it sitting alone and curled in a ball drinking and thinking how much i have fucked up in life but it has being an reoccurring thing that my mates do not wish me to be alone on such times and for this i am thankful and for some reason i have been able to be less depressed then i would normally thank you  Deadlylittlekitten and  lirrie for making y life and the past few months worth living and giving me something worth waking up for


but i digress the point behind this was ..i wanted to say happy birthday to my daughter ..but what i did not say is...13 years ago Tarlia wildflower Jager passed away after we had left the hospital in my arms .

Unfortunately i was going to get some art made for her birthday but with how things are with finances i am unable to that..and well i do not have any pictures of her as the mother of my child destroyed them all ..i miss my baby girl a lot and she was and always will be one of the biggest parts of my heart and life

So in short i would like you all to wish my daughter a happy birthday and know that i am ok ^^


daddy loves you very much my little wildflower.... i miss you so much

Do not draw any of the following creatures unless requested or paid to do so.

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Nameless Guardian SFW Anthro ... Feral

Miritsuyuki SFW Anthro ... x

Genji Feral ... NSFW Anthro ... SFW Anthro

Cryptogram Anthro

Sakurai SFW ... NSFW Sheath ... NSFW

Iwa Egg Adopt (Requires new ref sheet later)

Ok so lately life has been getting better for those of you who don't know me that well my life tends to be a constant kick to the nuts harder then an elephant stomping a skull, but yeah so i got a job and to start with it was looking great then i did not get paid...for a month.... finally got the money but there was so much to pay for i am once again flat broke basically ...but i have a place to live now finally on my own and a job and two beautiful creatures that have held me hostage as there mate and have helped me out a lot with emotional stuff and depression ...HOWEVER

As i now have my probationary licences it seems i need a car now this would not be a problem if so much stuff was expensive and bills and stuff were not in the way ...so i have put some money aside but the problem is the car i want is 1500 and so many people have already looked at it >...< so it may be gone soon and that sucks cause well its a car i could use a lot for work and for travel and even be able to get a side job owo

so i guess this is just me ranting and hoping that something good will happen soon ..i mean hey isnt part of this to get to know people better