i've never been the best artist in the world. but i had come to a point where i was finally reasonably happy with what i was doing, and people seemed to appreciate that. needless to say, i was happy then since i could finally put something on the table and say i was proud of it.

that being said, as you may have noticed, it's been dead around here. people with creative personalities might understand this, so i'm just kinda going to lay it all out on the table. sometimes people just hit a wall, i hit mine. whether it be due to lack of inspiration, or time. it really doesn't matter because the results are the same, and the galleries get quiet. i want to draw, commune, and write and all that rot, but it's hard for me because i know that with all this time passing i'm out of practice, and what i put out isn't going to be as good as what it had been.

i've been sick as some people know. nothing life threatening or anything but i do tire easily. with a full time job, when i come home all i want to do is sleep it all off. my pause began out of depression, family issues, a bad relationship and eventual break up, it all just kinda went into a melting pot of horrible. i'm sorry if this is boring people... it takes it's toll on your self-esteem and your overall desire to do the things you love. so i went quiet and put more work into another hobby rather than this. something that i can do mindlessly.

i cosplay quite a bit, and unlike art or writing, working on costumes doesn't involve feelings. i've always found reading an escape, but never writing. writing and art are hard for me when i'm upset, because i get more upset and frustrated when things don't turn out.

since then i have gotten over all the bugs that had been nagging at me before. i got over the boy, and the family issues resolved for the most part. i'm still sick, but there's nothing i can do but try and take care of myself. so i suppose then, why would i still not be updating? i'll update when i have something i can be proud of... i worry that what i put out now is going to backstep. so i've been avoiding the work of getting my skills back up to where they were...

love you guys, and i will come back. i promise

it's my birthday. also i have to work, which makes it lamer...

how do we know each other?

ganked from littledoll

1. What does your furaffinity name mean and why?
it means i'm amazing

2. What fandom were you obsessed with when you joined and what are you into now?
fuck if i remember... now it's buttsex


3. How many watchers do you have now?
39 lol i'm a lamer like that

4. Name 3 of your favourite artists on FA.
erm... i don't watch many here... nepi, azelyn and littledoll i guess

5. Do you comment, fav, or both?
i try to do both

6. Do you participate in clubs' contests here on FA?
far too lazy

7. What is your most popular deviation?
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/39052/

i assume it's because it involves a blow job

8. What are your favorite non-anime TV shows?
rick and steve. the happiest gay couple in the world, and tmz

9. What are the things you wish you could draw better?
lol everything... mostly people

10. Summer or winter?
fuck that....FALL BITCHES

11. Rain or Sun?
rain

12. What's your favourite type of music?
anything i don't hate

13. PC or Mac?
mac

14. Anime or Manga?
manga....so much more porn in it

15. Coke or Pepsi?
wtf pepsi fo sho

16. Read or TV?
read. i don't watch much tv

17. How many hours a day do you spend on FA?
um 1 maybe?

18. Name a hidden talent.
i can put my foot behind my head

19. Flash or traditional cartoons?
-shrugs-

20. What is your favourite fast food restaurant?
kim bo ting noodle house.... or a&w

21. What are your top 3 favourite books?
outlander, the light bearer, and blood and chocolate

22. Wii or Playstation?
playstation

23. Name 3 of your favourite bands.
placebo
the gazette
dave mathews band

24. Are you a fast, slow, or medium typer?
fast... or so i'm told

25. Do you like Denny's?
i hate most breakfast foods.... so no

26. What is your favourite emoticon?
> : C

27. What is your favourite type of pie?
rhubard and strawberry pie

28. Have you ever stayed up for 24 hours?
yes... i was fairly homocideal by the end, and i used to do it ever saturday because of early classes

29. Do you go on YouTube a lot?
fuck yes

30. Are you a member on any other sites besides FA?
many

31. Do you cosplay?
i have

32. Fruits or sweets?
neither... i don't much car for sweet things.... l

33. Buttered, plain, or salted popcorn?
buttered and salted!

34. Have you skipped school?
yes..... many times over

35. Have you been on a plane?
yes. i hate it... too many fucking people in one little box

36. Have you swum in an ocean?
yep. i live near one so it's sorta mandatory

37. Have you been ice skating?
i have an immense fear of ice... all ice. but i have, and i hated it. ICE!

38. Favorite vacation spot
god my bed! or my grandparents place on vancouver island


39. Ever been on TV?
yes

40. Favourite salad dressing?
yogurt ranch

41. What do you do to relax?
uhhh nap. cuddle with my cat

42. What is the last film you saw in the theatres?
watchmen


43. Favourite Sandwich?
toasted shrimp and avacado

44. If you could go anywhere in the world...
scotland.... or tokyo disneyland

45. Favourite time of the day?
night

46. What did you want to be when you were little?
thor, god of thunder

47. What do you want to be now?
a trophy wife or author

48. If you could eat with one person, who would it be?
myself, and i'd buy myself something delicious

49. What character would you hate to be stuck in a room with?
my character roxanne... she's a fucking bitch

50. When is your birthday?
october 13th

51. Favourite type of ice cream?
pistachio

52. Last book you read?
twilight... i wanted to see what the fuss was about

53. Which store would you max out a credit card at?
micheal's or sakura media

54. Do you buy / sell / both on eBay?
buy.... shit's cheap on ebay

55. What is the most annoying thing people ask you?
if i'm male or female irl

56. Favourite all time movie?
a lot?

57. What was your favourite show when you were a kid?
the oldschool batman starring adam west.... or the fraggles

58. What are you listening to right now?
emilie autumn's swallow

59. What is the last thing you ate?
pasta

60. If you were a crayon what colour would you be?
pervert pink

61. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
their smell

62. Favourite sport to play?
soccer

63. Favourite Day of the Year?
thanksgiving

64. Hugs or Kisses?
depends on the person

65. Vanilla or Chocolate?
fuck em both... i want butterscotch

66. Favourite Board Game?
save the princess

67. Favourite smells?
coffee, moss, citrus, my bed, and my cat :B

68. What inspires you?
boredom

69. Do you have any piercings?
i have 10

70. How many siblings do you have?
2

71. Bacon Bits or croutons?
croutons

72. Favorite Day of the Week?
monday. don't have to work

73. Favorite phrase?
"fucking mongoloid."

74. Favourite Restaurant?
the old spaghetti factory

75. Favorite animal?
my cat.

76. Favorite thing to do outside
stay out of the sun?

77. Favourite thing to do when it's raining?
listen to the rain. or splash in puddles

78. Favourite Disney character?
the genie....

79. Do you like coffee? If so, what is your favorite brand?
instant?

80. Tag 6 people
uh no

i am in need of money. so for a limited time, depending on how many requests i get, i will be offering $10 sketch commissions. since i don't necessarily sketch that much... i basically use the word to mean a one character bust, pencil shaded etc... that whole lot.
example is here
http://i31.photobucket.com/albums/c.....r/File0268.jpg

if you'd like it colored it shall be $15 and will be done so like this:
http://i31.photobucket.com/albums/c.....irr/img002.jpg

thanks for your help and much love.
-mirr

list of people

gorn
gareeku

i was reading ink's journal, (I'm sorry if you do not still go by that name or if you prefer 'doctor now.) and it made me think of my own views on the constructs of good and evil and what effects have been wrought on me to change my perception of such labels.... we all know the generalization. murderers, rapists, child molesters etc. are all evil, police officers, hard working citizens etc are all good.... but what if that entire idea was turned upside down?
when i was twelve or thirteen i spent an entire summer with a boy and his sister. it was a sort of retreat with my mother. she works as a care aid in a home for the mentally ill, mostly schizophrenics. jessie and jessica where the adopted children of another nurse that had went along on this retreat to dispense medication to the patients. it was on denmen island off the coast of vancouver island. it was nice and i spent every day with the pair as they were the only other children there. jessica was younger than us but she still kept up rather well.
after that summer i saw them on occasion at the random staff party or in passing. i spoke to jessie regularly through email, until one day they just seemed to drop off the face of the earth. when i asked my mother, she said they had been taken back by their biological mother, who had cleaned herself up...
several years later when i was in grade nine, my mother was watching the news and started to scream. my dad and i wandered in to find them reporting on the david trott case.... for those of you who are unaware of this i will explain. david trott was a man staying with friends, one day he offered to drive their son and daughter to their respective places. the son had hockey practice and needed to go to the ice rink, and the daughter still had school at the time as she was still in elementary. he dropped the son off and then disappeared with the girl. she was later found in a trailer that david trott had attempted to burn down. he had raped her and then strangled her with either an extension cord or electrical cord. i can not remember which, and don't tend to read the details available. i mention this for obvious reasons for this discussion, the girl was jessica russell, the one i had known.

after going through this i became aware and finally took a stance on the corrections system. i became for the death penalty, and all those other things. canada's stance on people is that they can change. i didn't believe this possible.

when i was in elementary school myself. i had a best friend named emily who lived in the trailer park with me. i would go to her house and we would play until my dad came to get me because he didn't want me walking home in the dark. our families became friends. my sisters friends and sometimes girlfriends of her older brothers, our parents knowing each other well enough to have over for dinner, or speak to when they met in the super market. her family was nice, they were old hippies, smoked a lot of pot but where generally harmless and loved one another. i remember her father as this tall skinny man with a soft voice and a big gray beard. he had her eyes and he was the sort of dad any might be with their baby, slightly over weight, only daughter. he called her emma for short, and emma bemma to annoy her into pouting.
after i graduated high school there was a scandal that ran through the local papers that some one had finally been arrested for the murder of a girl i had never heard of in the sixties or something. she was a highschool student from garibaldi, the same highschool my sisters had gone to, and could even remember passing a tree planted in her honor. the name of the man they had arrested was not released until after he was found guilty. supposedly the story goes that there was a group of men, highschool students i think that ran after this girl and chased her into a field where they proceeded to gang rape her and eventually beat her to death.
my sister jaime was the one that told me one of the men had been emily's father. he was the only one they could find evidence towards in later years, and he would not name who was with him in committing the crime. the strangest part of the story is that the girl that had been killed was named emma, what he had always called his daughter. he later said that it was because he was sorry for what had happened to the girl, and named his child that in her honor. people mocked him for this.

when i learned of this i was of course shocked, but i came to realize something. this had been a man i had known my entire life. he had been kind to me and my family, and never got angry at anyone. he was well liked in our park and where he worked as a sort of gentle giant. i realize now that most of that persona was probably created out of regret. he confessed to what he had done, yet never told them another man's name.
this brought forth the question of good and evil yet again. was this man evil for killing a girl i had never heard of beyond a plaque on a tree, or was he good for being a loving father to three children, and being kind to those around him for the rest of his free days?

i realize my experiences in the matter are a tad extreme, but they are my own and i have come to see not all people will change, but some will. good and evil are just things said to split the masses into agreement or disagreement that is why they are used so much in political elections. this man is evil, that man is good.... none of it really matters. we all have things we hide, and good and evil are just words.

i always get scared when i get a 'fatal system error'


scared that i may die

i needs monies to see my sister in virginia. she is mucho sick, but i won't go into detail... detail is boring. I was going to put together a portfolio of cheesecake with the aa-80 girls, but until that is done, i shal;l be running commissions. cheap commissions at that...

http://www.furbid.ws/cgi-bin/auctio.....item=232345229

just to let you know. I'm not running colored shit right now because i don't have a cg program on my lappy. though it can be arranged privately if you wanted to talk to me outside of furbid... love you all kids... -chu-

ps. i'm out of my funk. and working on some pics...

yeah so i got second life. so far it's confusing as fuck and i don't get it. i hated the starter furry avatar and made that quite clear, so this nice man/stranger gave me this new one .

http://www.slexchange.com/modules.p.....;ItemID=570340

now he purchased it as a gift and then sent it to me, but i have no idea how to display it. it's gone into my objects folder, and everytime i say 'wear' it ends up as some scarey orange blob attached to the side of my head...... please help.

Natural Hair Color:
[] Brown - $100
[x] Blond - $50
[] Black - $15
[] Bald - $5
[] Other-$75

Eye Color:
[] Brown - $1
[] Green - $75
[x] Blue $50
[] Hazel $100
[] Other - $15

Height:
[] Over 7' - $200
[] 6'8" to 7' - $175
[] 6'0" to 6'7" - $150
[x] 5'5" to 5'11" - $75
[]4'9" to 5'4" - $45
[] Under 4'9 - $45

Age:
[] 31 to 40 - $100
[] 26 to 30 - $75
[x] 21 to 25 - $50
[] 19 to 20 - $25
[] 0 to 18 - $100

Birth Order:
[] Twins or more than twins - $300
[]First Born - $300
[] Only Child - $250
[] second born - $150
[] Middle child-$100
[x] Last Born - $100
[] third born - $100
[] fourth born - $100
[] fifth born - $100

Drink?
[] No - $400
[] Only Holidays - $250
[] Sometimes - $215
[] YES - $200
[x] Only weekends- $350
[] Every other day - $50
[] Once a day - $15
[] I live from the bottle -$Bankrupt$

Vision?
[x] perfect vision - $300
[] need or have glasses/contacts but dont wear them - $200
[] No correction $100
[] Glasses $50
[] contacts $25
[] Surgical correction - $1

Car(s) Color
[] Pink - $2,000
[x] Maroon - $800
[] Gold - $700
[] Gray - $600
[] Blue - $900
[] Obsdian - $800
[] White - $475
[] Red - $400
[] Green- $350
[x] Silver $300
[] Purple- $250
[] Metallic - $200
[] Yellow - $100
[] Primer - $75
[] Tan- $20
[] Rusted - $15
[] No Car - $0
[] Other - $ 50

Shoe Size:
[] 13+ - $300
[]12.5 to 13 - $250
[] 11 to 12 - $700
[x] 7 to 10 - $500
[] Under 7- $550

Favorite Color:
[] Black - $450
[] Green-$750
[x] Red - $600
[] Black - $100
[] Yellow -$475
[] Brown - $50
[] Purple - $225
[] White - $400
[] Aqua - $350
[] Orange - $300
[] Blue - $300
[] Pink - $100

Did you use a calculator to add it all up?
[] Yes - $0
[x] no- $1000
[] on some - $550


Total : $4175

shit fuck, I should have taken that job as a stripper... haha i'm worth more than Alevva, i win...

once in awhile i will just get overwhelmed and frustrated with my art. the usual speal of it's not good enough, it's hard to do and no one seems to see that. over the years i have honestly tried to get better, yet also not turn into one of those people that just parodies another's style. i like my gritty/sexual/dirty/gorey style. it's what i'm happy drawing even if some people don't see it. i get messages once in awhile from people i don't know that ask me why i do what i do. why i so adamently refuse to draw what they consider beautiful. usually i ignore them, but when i am particularly low, i just can't help but think maybe they're right. maybe my work is too violent and depressing. then that also leads to me thinking that my writing is too dark. most of the people i know don't even read my fics.
i don't know it's just something to think about i guess.

i don't normally do this because it makes me feel like a total fucking ass hat. but i think right now i need too.

PLEASE FUCKING COMMISSION ME!

with the paying of my accident, and having to pay to get my license back and then paying for my insurance as well as the convention stuff and the need now to pay my parents for housing me. i have no money left to go to school next month. i'm dead broke and will probablly end up faking my way through with a few peices of cardboard and pretending they are books.

not only that but i also have to get a laptop, and allthough this may not sound like a necessity to some people. it is for the course i am taking.

again i am sorry to be begging like this, but i really truely and desperately need the money. prices are as fallows.

$12 for a full color full background
$10 for a full color partial background
$10 for a pencil shaded greyscale with full background
$11 for an ink and cross hatched with partial background.
$8 for a pencil shaded greyscale with partial background
$7 for just a character bust or full body color/ inked
$6 for a bust or full body no background grey scale

if you reallyw ant a full background with an ink and cross hatched, ask me. and depending on how complicated the background is the price will differ.

yes these are lower than my normal commission prices. why? because i really need it. :'(

-look up ten of your favorite moves on imdb
-post three of the plot keywords
-see if anyone can guess them

1. Utopia, execution, tragedy
2. future noir, blood, imposter
3. latex, shot in chest, vampire
4. based on comic, jet, reincarnation
5. lesbian love, fame, model
6. surreal, drug addict, electro shock therapy
7. castle, turnip, scarecrow
8. forced suicide, macabre, psychopath
9. cannibalism, obsessive love, scalpel
10. goth girl, homosexual, intervention

TRY YOUR LUCK BITCHES!

happy birthday mirr

thanks...

whenever i upload shit. it doesn't display the image properly, so it can eat my mother punking ass.....

with as much love as possible