It's supposed to look like this: [link]
But it actually looks like this: [link]

At first I thought I'd just worn down the pen nib, so I ordered some more, but they ended up exactly the same size as the nib that's already in it.
I'm still technically able to draw with it, but it accidentally double-clicks a lot, and the pressure sensitivity is nearly gone.
Please, if you know how to fix this, or know that there's nothing I can do for it except get a new pen, let me know!

...that I become something of a rambling lunatic when I'm intoxicated. You know what, that's totally fine with me. It's really the whole reason I drink*, so that i can experience the world from a sillier, mushier perspective. When that happens I start talking a lot, usually for the sheer joy of talking. (It's especially amusing because you know how bad I type? That's as bad as I talk. Or worse.)

Unfortunately, when I am drunk I often forget that I want to avoid making an idiot out of myself. Among other people who drink, they understand and can relate to the stupid silliness of my behavior. But when it comes to the friends and family who don't drink, more often than not I lose a lot of respect from them. More than a couple times I'll get online whilst drunk (as I tend to do) and end up talking to people who (sometimes subtly, sometimes directly) tell me I'm stupid for drinking alcohol at all. For the most part, their opinions are only born from ignorance or religious bias, but it still hurts, especially because I'm quite emotionally sensitive when I'm even a little tipsy.

The problem comes when I try to change my behavior so that these people will like me again. I'll rein in my silly ideas and feelings, and try to act sober, and try really hard to use correct grammar. And then I get mad at myself for being such a pussy. I'm a responsible person, I trust my own judgment, and if I enjoy something, I should let myself enjoy it. The people who tell me drinking is stupid, their arguments are either inane or don't apply to me**. So why do I care so much? I've tried to not let people's opinions affect the way I behave or what I believe, but in this case for some reason, it's really difficult to not feel crushed when someone loses the respect they used to have for me.

What do you guys think? Is keeping your relationships more important than the luxury of doing whatever you want to? It's kind of an idealism vs. practicality argument at this point, but let me know your thoughts on it.



* I know some people drink so they can have an excuse to lose their inhibitions, but I guess either I don't have any inhibitions, or they're so repressed that even when I'm drunk I can't realize them. (I do get a little less shy, but not much.)

** Just for the record, alcohol is not known or proven to permanently damage anyone's brain unless they are young and still developing. Also, despite alcohol's "judgment-impairing" qualities, I have never (nor will I ever) be so disconnected from my values that I would do something wrong or irresponsible while under its influence. Apparently that happens to some people sometimes, but either they have a dramatically different experience with alcohol than I do, or they are significantly weaker-willed.

THIS HAPPENS LIKE ALL THE TIME
but srsly

I just wanted to say I love you guys
exto and lindsay and saloli and simeonwolf and rockfur and theguywithwolfmanasyouravatar (i can't remember your name) and mulefoot and rapps and fimbulsomething.
and all the people on my friends list who are wonderful artists and inspire me. and also exto I want to draw itwth you some more plx. and especially rockfur you make me feel warm and fuzzy inside. maybe too much

guys. pyramid apricot beer is the best in the world.

A persona is, according to Webster's Dictionary, "a personal facade one presents to the world." A fursona is a play on that word, combining furry and persona to mean "an anthropomorphic portrayal of one's self that one presents to the world (or internet)."

So what the crap is a mursona? No one I've asked seems to know!

Not that anyone noticed, but I was gone for a week! I went on a cruise to Catalina and Ensenada. Woo! I had so much happy fun times.

Also I have 191 submissions to catch up on. Oh dear.

My mom's starting a business with her friend and they're too cheap to pay for a logo to be designed for them, so I'm stuck doing it all myself, for free. I wouldn't mind doing it for free, if they had asked me politely, but they just assumed I wouldn't mind putting my time into it. They don't seem to think such a service is even worth money. I guess it's just a couple hours of work, but still. When they show off the design they don't even acknowledge my hand in it. I wonder what they would have done without me to help them out. They had originally assumed that the people who print the signs would design it for them. :-/

Here's a nice passage from a book!

"On one hand, the higher and domesticated animal is, so to speak, a 'bridge' between us and the rest of nature.We all at times feel somewhat painfully our human isolation from the sub-human world - the atrophy of instinct which our intelligence entails, our excessive self-consciousness, the innumerable complexities of our situation, our inability to live in the present. If only we could shuffle it all off! We must not - and incidentally we can't - become beasts. But we can be with a beast. it is personal enough to give the word 'with' a real meaning; yet it remains very largely an unconscious little bundle of biological impulses. it has three legs in nature's world and one in ours. It is a link, an ambassador. Who would not wish, as Bosanquet put it, 'to have a representative at the court of Pan'? Man with dog closes a gap in the universe."

-C.S. Lewis, "The Four Loves"

I've been reading this wonderful book again. It's not about pets at all, and Lewis barely brushed over this topic, but this quote really appeals to me. I think that is a reason why I keep pets and love animals so much (and probably why many furries do as well). I want to be a part of the natural world, but the closest I can get is to attach myself to a domesticated animal. I love my rats and my cockroach dearly, and when I focus on them I feel like, for a brief moment, I can be part of the world they live in.

Thoughts?

SRSLY

probably shouldn't listen to anything i say watm. i had lots of rum and watched american idol (oi don't like amaerican idol but everyone was watchign it and I can't help but get swept up in the epicness of it all did you know there were NIGTEY TWO MILLION VOTES that's like more people than have ever voted in the predisential election wtf

David cook won and he's the best anyway you know i live in utah so we don't get any david cook coverage but he's very cute and a pretty cgood singer plus they have to stop chidlren winning this show all the time

in nother noews my Bison left for mexico tow ork there for a month (he's stealing all the mexicans' jobs haha) and i'm so lonely without him what will I do. :( :(

I went to Molly's (my cockroach's) cage today and lifted up the log that she's usually under.. and I about jumped in the air, I was pretty startled. She must have molted last night, because she suddenly got huge! I mean.. not huge like her full growth huge, but quite measurably bigger. Her coloring changed too! I'm just so used to my pets getting gradually bigger as they get older that it was really strange to have her grow just all of a sudden. At the same time it was very awesome (especially because I just took a test in Entomology so I had study all about how molting works). Will post a picture in a moment (EDIT: here it is: [link]).

It's also sad because poor little Michael isn't there to grow with her. :( He was the tiny one, too..

Musn't post depressive journals. I was feeling very emo last night.

Finals week and pet business aside, I ate a girl out for the first time on Friday. May be TMI for some of you but I don't care; I was pretty damn excited about it. That was a good night...

I'm sure there are more happy things I could think of, but I have my first two finals in a little while, so I'll be occupied from several hours hereafter. Wish me luck.

First of all, know that I am in a particularly tortured mood; I spent five hours straight studying for my biochemistry test, and I can't remember a thing of what I've read, even though I had a surprisingly good amount of focus. I am, quite literally, one of those people who's too stupid for college. Unfortunately I'm also too prideful to admit it and just drop out before I've spent tens of thousands of dollars on a bunch of failed classes. Go me.

I also came home tonight to discover that one of my pet cockroaches is gone. He must have escaped from the tank somehow; I've searched every square millimeter of it and he is nowhere to be found. I've also tried searching every corner of my room, I looked in the garbage can and under the bed and under my rug, but he's a cockroach; he could be anywhere. I'm fairly certain if he hasn't escaped into the walls he's been stepped on or something.

I know he's just a cockroach, and a really small one at that, but I feel really guilty about it. He was my responsibility, and I failed to keep him safe. Goddamn it.

Also, the other cockroach (Molly's her name) isn't eating, or as far as I know, drinking water. She'll probably die soon too unless I figure out what the fuck to do about it.

In addition to that, Mathias hurt his tail and has had a lot of porphyrin around his nose lately, is lethargic most of the day, and squeaks at the slightest provocation. If I wake up one of these days to find him dead in his cage, I'm not sure I'm going to be able to handle it.

I know these are boring. But I like doing them. Sue me. :)

---

[]I have gone looking for porn of Digimon
[]I have gone looking for porn of Pokemon
[]The smell of wet dog excites me
[x]I have at least one plushie of an animal
[]I believe I have some spiritual connection to it
[x]I bought condoms that I never use
[]I find My Little Ponies sexy
[x]I can't love just one person
[]I can't love someone who isn't a furry
[]I hate 4chan
[]I hate 4channers
[x]I like the porn on 4chan
[]I've once accidentaly gone to 4chan when trying to type fchan
[x]I've looked at porn
[x]I've cybered with someone
[]I've cybered with someone, while looking at porn
[]I refer to assholes as tail holes
[]Boobs are unatractive to me unless they're fluffy
[]I've gotten a stiffy from watching animal planet
[]I've met someone then asked to cyber with them within 5 minutes of saying Hi
[]I've cybered over text messages
[]I've gotten horny while watching Tom and Jerry
[x]I've drawn a penis
[x]I've drawn a vagina
[x]I've drawn a penis in a vagina
[x]I've drawn two penises
[]I've drawn two vaginas
[]I've drawn more than one penis and vagina in a picture
[x]I have a fursona
[x]I have many fursonas (well, I have two...)
[]I've cybered with one of my fursonas
[]I've cybered with all of my fursonas
[x]I've tried drawing my fursona
[x]I refer to cybering as "yiff" (only if it actually involves anthro characters)
[]I've been to a furry convention
[]I've had sex at a furry convention
[x]I like fursuits
[]I have a fursuit
[]I'm saving up to get a fursuit
[]I call non-furries "humans"
[x]I was an otaku
[]I am an otaku
[x]I've been called a furfag
[]I find anthros more attractive than humans
[]I am a furry.

----

Next one!

----

If your fursona/avatar was:

a general airborne species: Bat
a general aquatic species: Whale
a general invertebrate: A hymenopteran of some kind
an amphibian: A frog I guess? I don't know many amphibians.
a bird: Crow
a canine: Wolfie :)
a caniform carnivore (excluding canines): A caniform that's not a canine? I have no idea.
a dinosaur: Raptor of some kind :)
a feliform carnivore (excluding felines): Again.. what? I'm confused.
a feline: Housecat, most likely.
an insect/arachnid: Wasp
a marsupial: Wombat
a micro oganism: Helicobacter
a mythical species: Gryphon
a primate: Gorilla.
a reptile: Crocodile.
a rodent or lagomorph: Rat! Of course :)
an ungulate: Antelope or something.
a mammal in a group not listed above: Mongoose.

I know, I'm late to the game (AGAIN) but I started Second Life. By itself it's not really all that awe-inspiring but oh man, just being in the game reminds me of those books! Otherland, and especially Snow Crash. Damn, it's just got so much potential! I have horrible lag, and I need a faster computer, but it's still playable enough that I want to keep playing it . :) And most of the graphics are crude polygons, but some areas are incredibly beautiful! I found some art galleries on there and was just going O_O

If anyone else is on there, my name is Mishi Rozen. Come find me! We can explore together. :3

I've never really thought about this before, but I was recently chatting with an aquaintance of mine who's doing a survey about furries for a school paper, and he said this:

David: It's good to get a female perspective as well...
me: lol, are most the surveys you got from males?
David: about 85%
me: Heh, that's interesting
David: yeah... but, the fandom is mostly male-dominated, really

I was a bit surprised to hear him say this, because most of the furry artists I admire, and probably most of the furry artists I know, are female. But that could possibly be just a coincidence. What do you guys think? Is the fandom male-dominated?

Well the way things are going, I find myself spending less and less time on deviantArt and more time really wanting to be here. I did not expect myself to fall in love with this place.

To tell you the honest truth, I used to be one of the of the furry-haters. The kind spawned by 4chan, and extremely critical of anything furry. I avoided the furry community like a plague and made fun of it at every opportunity. And then.. I'm not entirely sure what happened, but there was a sudden switch in my habits. Part of it might be my exile from what was my most beloved online home, the TaBB forums, which have since devolved into a cesspool of cruelty and cynicism but was once a place to find the most beautiful and intelligent people on the internet. I floundered about from website to website, from Gaia to LiveJournal and everywhere in between. I just couldn't find a place to fit in.

It was around this time that I found  savannahhorrocks and, of course, fell immediately madly in love with her artwork. She linked once to her FurAffinity site and in a fit of art-lust I made an account here so I could see her gallery. The combination of my online homelessness and an admiration of Savannah and the other artists she associated with, in addition to an influential blog post (which I can't find the link to) written by my favorite artist in the whole world, Ursula Vernon, shuffled me to FurAffinity more and more often until I started posting art here.

My views, needless to say, have taken a complete turn-around. In a very short time I have made a number of valuable friends. It may not be a big deal to most of you, but I have been very lonely on the internet for a while, and while deviantArt has an immense number of extremely talented artists, it is not very conducive for friendship unless you have a good amount of said talent (and so I'm pretty much out of the game in that department). Here, on the other hand, more emphasis is placed on creativity and the energy of creating characters and storylines. I have been more creatively inspired in the last few months since I've been here than in the past year. And I love you guys. You're all so affectionate and supportive, it's so strange to me, and I really appreciate it.

There's plenty of drama on this site, of course. Being a part of the FA snark Livejournal group, I've been quite privy to some of the more ridiculous events of emo drama shit that go on here. But it honestly doesn't bother me or speak to me against the site as a whole. I'm finding more and more often that the furries I used to avoid are really far more intelligent and funny and creative than I ever gave credit for.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is that it's taken a while to get here, but now that I'm here.. I feel like I can finally say, I'm home.

I just realized that my hairless rat doesn't have a belly button!
WHERE IS HIS BELLY BUTTON

The other one was too long.

Sorry for not drawing more pornz lately. I'll get around to it when I have time (SUPA BUSY).
I've been masturbating plenty, however, rest assured of that.

WARNING - THIS JOURNAL PROBABLY CONTAINS ADULT CONTENT

Abasiophilia (Casts, Braces, Wheelchairs) - no thx
Age Play? - Depends on which ages, so sometimes?
Adult Baby/AB Parent? - nothx D:
Algolagnia (Pleasure derived from physical pain)?- I enjoy pain in very emotionally safe and intimate situations, and then only in small doses.
Amputee Fetishism (Amputation/Deformity)? :-/ not really.
Anal Sex? - Not done to me (it hurts too much :( ) but doing it to others I don't mind :)
Andromimetophilia (Androgeny)? - hottttt
Arse (Ass Play, Worship)? - Not really. I've taken too many biology classes to want to do too much to the ass.
Asphyxiaphilia (Breath Play, Choking)? - yes PLZ
Balloons? - um.. no?
Bestiality/Zoophilia? - Sort of in my fantasies, but it's still pretty anthropomorphic.
Beating (Flogs, Whips, Canes, etc.)? - Nothing that will cause bruises :(
Biastophilia (Committing Rape/Sexual Assault)? - Only in pretend (and then I enjoy being both roles :))
Biting/Teeth? - SO hott
Blood (Drawing Blood, Cutting, etc.)? - Probably not - haven't tried it though.
Body Hair? - I LOVE hairy men :3
Body Modification (Tattoos, Branding, Piercings, Scarification, etc.)? All of the above <3
Bondage (Blind folds, Gags, Restraints)? I love being restrained <3
Breast/Nipple Torture, Clamps, etc.? - Yes, but only mildly. I have a very low pain tolerance.
Candle Wax? - Haven't tried it but it sounds so arousing :)
Chains? - Chains pinch. :-/
Chastity Devices? - No thx
Chinese Balls/Ben Wa Balls/Anal Beads? - Not anal, but vaginal feels soooo good
Cling Film/Plastic Wrap? - That sounds like it could be potentially fatal.
Cock and Ball Torture, Clamps, etc.? - No
Collar and Lead/Leash? - Yes PLZ
Confinement/Caging? - No, unless it's just in a blanket :)
Coprophilia (Shit Play/Scat)? - hell no.
Costumes (Period, Fetish, etc.)? - Haven't tried it.. probably depends.
Cross Dressing? - SOME males are hott in drag. Most are not.
Cupping (Suction of the Skin)? - What's this?
Dacryphilia (Arousal from Tears)? - I don't think so.
Defilement (Seeing a partner dirty or wet)? - No I don't think.
Denim? - like.. jeans? No?
Depilation/Shaving? - Meh.
Diapers/Diaper Lover? - NO.
Dildos (Hand-held, Strap-ons)? - If I had a strap-on I would like to fuck both guys and girls with it :) but mostly girls.
Discipline? - Yes. Both roles.
Doctor/Nurse Fetish? - No plz
Domination? - Yes!
Ears? - No, earwax tastes icky.
Electrotorture (EMS TENS units)? - Eh.. never tried it but unless extremely mild it sounds awful.
Emetophilia (Vomit, Regurgitation)? - hell no.
Erotic Photography? - Yes plz!
Exhibitionism/Sex In Public? - Would never do myself. I find it kind of a turn on if others do though.
Feathers? - That sounds kind of nice.
Pyrophilia (Fire Play)? - Maybe a little.
Fisting? - Not physically possible for me thx
Food Play? - Only with chocolate (melted chocolate bars, DON'T try chocolate frosting or you will never get it off your skin)
Fuck Machines/Robots? - that sounds hottt
Furry/Fur Fetishism? - Heh. That's an obvious one.
Gangbangs? - To fantasize about - yes. To experience.. it would depend on the men involved.
Genital Worship? - Yes :)
Guns (Gun Play, Worship)? - NO D:
Hair Pulling? - YES. PULL MY HAIR <3
Handcuffs/Shackles? - :D
Harnesses? - I think maybe?
High Heels/Stilettos? - No :-/
Humiliation? - Doesn't do much for me.
Infantilism (Pacifiers/Bottles, etc.)? - NO thx.
Kidnapping Play? - Sure, why not.
Klismaphilia (Douching/Enema)? - not really..
Knives (Razors, Swords, other blades)? - Yes as long as it's not too dangerous :-/
Lace/Lingerie? - Sure?
Latex? - On hot people yes (not me)
Leather? - Meh.
Making Home "Movies"? - lol.. not of me.
Masks (Erotic/Gas Masks, etc.)? - I think so :)
Masochism? - Nah.
Massage? - Who doesn't love massage ^_^
Master/Slave? - Yes plz!
Masturbation (Mutual or Forced)? - Oooh yes
Medical Scenes/Equipment? - No >:(
Menstruation (Sex During, Eating, etc.)? - Only in specific situations.
Murder Fetishism? - Nah.
Military Fetish/Uniforms? - Blech, no.
Milk Fetishism/Lactation? - No :-/
Necrophilia (Death, Corpses)? - No.
Nipples? - Yes! :)
Oral Fixations? - I think so?
Oral Sex? - I like giving blowjobs sometimes.
Pain (Giving/Receiving)? - Receiving.. haven't tried giving yet, I'm scared of being too severe.
Piercings? - Yes :)
Pinching? - Yes :)
Play Piercing/Needle Play? - Yikes.. probably not
Plushophilia (Stuffed animals, Plushies)? - I don't think so.
Podophilia (Foot Fetish)? - No :-/ I don't understand foot fetishes.
Power Exchange? - Not sure what that is?
Pregnancy Fetishism? - No.
Punishment? - Yes :)
The Rack/Medieval Devices? - Probably not.
Raptophilia (Sexual arousal from being raped)? - Yes, fantasy only though of course
Religious (Nunplay, Priestplay)? - Not really.
Retifism (Shoes or Boots)? - No.
Rimming? - God no.
Role Playing? - A little bit.
Rubber? - I don't know?
Sadism? - Yes :D Both roles.
Scent? - I like how my boyfriend smells :)
Sensory Deprivation? - Would probably be interesting.
Smoking Fetishism? - Not really.
Spanking/Paddling? - No bruises :(
Statuephilia (Mannequins, Dolls, etc.)? - No.
Stockings/Fishnets/Pantyhose? - I guess?
Talking Dirty/Verbal Humiliation/Abuse? - Not really.
Tickling? - NOT during sex plz.
Tongue Fetish? - :D
Toys (Buttplugs, Vibrators, etc.)? - I LOVE vibrators. (not anally)
Transvestism? - On some people.
Urolagnia (Water Sports/Urine)? - Hell no.
Violence/Physical Injury? - A bit yeah :)
Voyeurism? - Yes ^_^; Listening to my roommates have sex turns me right on.
Wrestling/Fighting? - YES :D
Zombies/Gore? - Not really.

There. Now everyone knows my kinks. Use this knowledge wisely. :)

School is starting again on Monday. Half of me dreads going home, because that means back to school, back to work, back to my messy apartment, roommates, and my crappy computer.

On the other hand I'll be able to draw PORN again! I can't wait. :3

Have a good fucking night. Drink lots. I'm gonna go have some jagermeister. :)

Man I just don't know anything anymore

Disregard all previous statements. I have no idea where I stand.

--Icons--

Icons are $5 each, or $20 for a set of five.

Examples: [link]

-I can do either anime style or my own semi-realistic style.
-Customers choose the color theme.
-Customers will receive a 250x250 version of their icon as well as a smaller 100x100 version.

--Instructions--

-Contact me either by noting me or emailing me at aethereal@gmail.com
-After you request your art, payment is due when I complete the commission. When I have received payment, I will send you your artwork.
-Payment by PayPal only. My PayPal address is maripark@cc.usu.edu