I notice that I'm at 375 watchers. I'm really surprise to have this many people watching me, when I haven't posting that much to my gallery. I really appreciate the follows and I hope I'm able to add more to my gallery in the future not only for me to enjoy, but for everyone watching me to enjoy as well. So thank you for watching me and please go check out the artist as they deserve all the credit!

Well, another year has gone by for me, and I can't really tell if I feel older or not. But yeah, I'm sorry to those who have follow me / watch my page as it has been pretty barren. I mean my last art submitted way from a year ago. I just trying to say since I'm no artist and don't really have the money to afford art that's why my gallery doesn't get updated often. So, it still surprises me to see over 300 people are on my watcher list. Thanks for watching, and I'll try to see if I get more art for y'all to enjoy, but most of my stuff comes from freebies, so I don't know when that will be. So, yeah this is just journal to update those that are watching me and state "Yeah, I'm still alive." Again, thanks for the watches and favorites, and hopefully I can add more to my gallery in the future.

So, my grandfather on my father's side has passed away tonight. He was suffering issues with his legs, fluid build up in his lungs, and has been oxygen for awhile. To make it short, he was in an unresponsive sleep Monday morning and tonight I'm guessing his body just couldn't take it anymore. Losing him and my other grandfather on my mother's side in December of 2018 is making it real hard to go on. And honestly... I really don't want to, but I'm still alive so I guess that's a good thing.

Anyways, you can just ignore this journal. I'm just doing this to vent my feelings.

So, I saw  ludwigbullworthjackson 's journal and I'm gonna sort of steal his idea cause I thought it was an interesting concept. This journal is just for fun and is a what if scenario.

First, like in Ludwig's journal, I want to see what character of mine makes your heart beat the fastest? Which one would you like to be your valentine? Which one could you see yourself marrying? And since, this is just for fun and what if sort of thing. You can ignore my characters' orientations and relationship statuses. I just want to see who each person would pick.

Second, which of your own characters, do you find yourself attracted to the most? Which would you have be your valentine? Which could you see yourself marrying?

I'll start off the second part by saying of my characters; I would pick Kokoro. After all, I just adore my fox girl.

Here's the link to Ludwig's journal, where I got this idea from.
https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/9408818/

Wow, I just noticed that I have 300 watchers, and I have 5000 pageviews. I'm not sure what I did to catch the attention of that many people, but thank you so much for watching, or even just stopping by to see my page. I'm not able to get art often as most of the art that I gotten has been from raffles or gifts. So, it just means that much more how much I appreciate everyone looking at my page, and even watching me. Thanks again for all the views, favorites, and watches. It means a lot. Have a good one, and thank you! ^_^

Also don't forget to go check out the artists that have drawn each of the art pieces in my gallery. They are the ones that really deserve the watch as I wouldn't even have this beautiful art if it wasn't for them.

GTA Online - PC
Star Wars the Old Republic - PC
Riders of Icarus (I'm trying it out and it's not bad) - PC
Borderlands 2 - PS3
I'm also trying to get back into Ark, but it's hard without a good server to join.

So yeah, I mainly play PC games on Steam and PS3 games on PSN. If you like to play any of these with me or maybe we can find some others ones, just let me know if you will like to play together with me either here on journal or in note. I'll note you my name on whatever game it is that I have listed or that we both have, so we can play together.

I just want to thank all who joined the raffle, and I want to thank all of you for deciding to watch me. I really appreciate it. ^_^ Here is the moment that y'all been waiting for.

The winner for this raffle is:

#3  kaliboo

Proof: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/21140701/

There were a lot of wonderful characters and great ideas, so I'm going to save the raffle journal for when I'm looking to split a commission with someone. Again thank you all for joining, and thank you  brinstar for making this raffle possible. You should go give him a watch if you're not already. He's a great artist, and does a monthly raffle.


Kaliboo, please send me a message or note to claim.

I think I will end the raffle on Tuesday as that will have given a week for people to enter. So you have until Tuesday to enter.

Journal is here: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/7797523/

Thank you all that left me kind words on my last journal. It really took a lot of courage for me to write and post it, so I really appreciate the understanding and the kindness that was shown to me.

Now, it's time for something happy to talk about. I reached 200 watchers awhile back, and I been continuing want to thank my watchers, but I'm no artist and don't have a lot of money to spend on art. However, it looks like that I will be able to thank you wonderful people for watching me. =D The prize for this raffle is going to be a two character piece with one of your characters with one of mine, and it's going to be done by the wonderful  brinstar . He's the one that did the wonderful piece of Mitsurugi and Kokoro together for the raffle of his that I won awhile back.

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/18780846/

I loved it so much that I had it has my featured submission, since I got it. Anyways, that will be the prize. You can pick NSFW or SFW. Now, it's time for the characters that you will be able to choose from. I will list their orientation, if your idea is anything sexual or romantic with any of them.

Males

Mitsurugi (hellhound): https://www.furaffinity.net/view/20182098/
Orientation: straight (females only)

Ryuu (dragon): https://www.furaffinity.net/gallery.....022/References
Orientation: straight (females only)

Yami (Smilodon and Black Leopard Hybrid / Black Saber-toothed Leopard): https://www.furaffinity.net/gallery.....23/References/
Orientation: straight (females only)

Kisame (shark): https://www.furaffinity.net/gallery.....129/References
Orientation: straight (females only)

Johnny (black grizzly bear): https://www.furaffinity.net/view/18262511/
Orientation: straight (females only)

Females

Kokoro (fox): https://www.furaffinity.net/view/19250209/
Orientation: Bi (females or males, but I'll only accept females for anything sexual or romantic with her)

Misaki (rose wolf): https://www.furaffinity.net/view/19754557/
Orientation: Bi (females or males with a preference for females)

Umiko (dragon shark): https://www.furaffinity.net/view/20244474/
Orientation: Bi (females or males)

There you have my characters that you will get to choose from for the prize. Now it's time for the rules.

Rules:
*You must be watching me and  brinstar .
*Fill out the form.
*Be nice.

Form:
Name of your character:
Ref:
My character:
NSFW or SFW
Idea:

Disclaimer: Your idea has to be one that both I and Brinstar approve of. Check his T.O.S. for what he will and will not draw. I have the right to refuse your idea, and so does Brinstar.

Brinstar's TOS: http://shoryusei.weebly.com/terms-of-service.html

If you are unsure of your idea, you can discuss it with me, and I'll let you know if it's okay.

That should be all of it. I haven't decided on a set date for when the raffle will end. I will keep it up for a few days to give people time to enter. I've already taken note of who is currently watching me. I will give numbers to those that filled out the form correctly. I will use some random number generator to pick the winner. Again, I just want to thank all of my watchers. I appreciate that you thought I was worth watching. I also want to thank  brinstar for making this raffle possible. I wish all of you the best of luck, and I hope that you will continue to watch me. ^_^

Edit: Brinstar posted a journal too, so I'm opening the raffle to his watchers too. Again, you must be watching me and him to enter.

I have been putting off making a journal like this, because I really don’t want to bring others down. I tend to keep stuff to myself. However, after dealing with some drama recently, it cause these dark feelings to crawl back up to the surface. I feel like that it might be better to confess and get it off of my chest. It’s a real sensitive subject, and I will understand if you don’t want to read this and just ignore this journal, but I have to get this off my chest before I get crush under the weight of it.

My real name is Johnathan, and I’m 26. I have been dealing with depression for about 10 years now. It started back when I was in High-school. I’m not the best looking guy, in fact I feel like I’m far from it, and I get real shy around females. I don’t have problem with it, when I’m just talking with them online. However, when I talk with one in person, I tend to get real reserve and shy. Anyways, in High-school, there would be plenty of couples like I’m sure a lot of you know. Well, despite my gallery and what I post, I’m more of a romantic type. I’m the type of guy that wanted to find a High-school sweetheart, and we would enjoy High-school together, and then get married when the time was right, but I never found one. It seem like that I was the kind of guy that girls only saw as just a friend, a guy for them to talk with and to be comforted by. It seem like I was never going to find that special girl, and this would lead me to getting very depress and dread going to school.

I had two big crushes in High-school, and one of them I even confess to, but I was turn down and given the friend speech “Sorry, but can we just be friends?” Being rejected put me in a really dark place; it took me three whole years just to confess to her. A friend convince to me into doing, but I knew it was a bad decision because she was already seeing another friend of mine. It was stupid, and I wish I didn’t confess, but I wanted to let her know how I felt or I might have regretted it. Even after knowing that she was going to give me the friend speech from the start, it still really got to me. I would cry every night for months afterwards. I was a big idiot, when it comes to love cause the same year that happen I end up buying her a white gold heart necklace for Christmas just because I heard she had issues with her parents and I wanted her to have something nice for Christmas. The whole thing with her cause me to get depress a lot, and as I said early it let me to a dark place. Other than crying, there would be times that I would look at my pocket knife or a knife in the kitchen and have thoughts that no one should have. Sometimes, when I was alone, I would a hold the blade pointed at where my heart would be and just wanted to shove it in and be done with the pain. However, I would always end up chickening out and unable to go through with it.

Sometime after her, I began to develop feelings for another friend that I had. She was an incredible girl, and made me want to get out of my comfort zone. An example would be is that I don’t like to dance in public, but when I’m with her I would happily dance with her. When prom came around, I didn’t really want to go because there would be couples and I don’t want to go to something like that without a date. However, for my junior and senior one, she went with me both times. For each of them, she had a boyfriend, but I guess that they weren’t threaten by me because again I’m a big fellow in real and I’m a nice guy. Both times, after it was over, she would say that she had a wonderful time, and she said I was the best prom date. It made me feel really good about myself. She even call up her boyfriend for both junior and senior to tease him about the wonderful time that me and her had at prom. I would always great her with a hug, when we meet and hug her good bye. I would be the one that listens to her about her problems, especially problems with her boyfriend. It just made me really wonder, why would she stay with someone like that, when I would treat her so much better. There were even times that I asked her if she ever thought of me and her as more than friends. She would respond that she couldn’t answer at this time. In the end, she never did give me an answer.

I kept being friends with both of them on Facebook, even after I got of High-school. The events with them and feelings that I had for them lead to a big part of my depression, but I still harbor no ill will towards either of them. Currently, both of them are married to a guy that they found, and one of them even has a baby now, while I’m still single. I don’t get on Facebook much anymore cause it will always get to me seeing so many of friends from High-school being in a relationship and some even being married now, when I still have never had a girlfriend in person. All of my relationships have been long distance, online, Second Life. I’m sure that y’all get the idea. My year and half younger cousin even has a wife and kid now. When I heard about it, I really wanted to be happy for him, but also I didn’t want to meet them cause it really got me depress. To me, it was a reminder that I still have no one.

Anyways, it hasn’t been relationships and love life that been causing me to have depression and dark thoughts. Another part of it comes from my current occupation. I went to college, and even manage to graduate from it with a bachelor’s degree. However, there’s nothing like what I went for where I’m currently at now. After college, I choose to not stay where I was at for college cause there was no guaranteed for me getting a job in my career field there, and rent wasn’t cheap around there. I didn’t have a job, and I honestly hated being away from my family there. The only friends that I had there was my roommates and some fellows from the college. I didn’t get out and socialize much, cause as many people my age would hang out at bars or clubs, and I just didn’t like being at places like that. I’m not a drinker, and I never want to be one. You could say I hate alcohol, but I won’t get into that. Anyways, I decided to move back home. This was back in February of 2012. It is 2016, and I’m still home with my family. In the time between when I graduated and now, I have yet to find a job or get hired.

It lead me to get depress even more. I felt like a failure, worthless, a waste, etc. It seems like I couldn’t do anything right. I mean my parents are good ones. They have been real understanding and haven’t kicked me out yet. Lately, I been stressing over the fact that I don’t have a job still, cause I’m 26 now and that means I’m no longer covered under my parents health and dental, and I don’t have the money to buy my own. I also still have loans that need to be paid. My parents have been covering it, but I feel so bad. I feel like I been letting them down and just been a failure of a son. I really do want to repay them someday, but with finding no work or income I don’t know if I can. I know that I just need to keep at, but it really gets to me and worsens my depression. The thing is that I have a fear of rejection, whether it’s rejection of becoming a couple by a girl or rejection of getting a job. So, it really has been getting in the way of me trying hard, and leading me even more into depression. Another thing about my past is that my parents were going to actually have a child the year before me. They never did found out if it was going to be a boy or girl because it ended up being a miscarriage. They then had me the next year. Honestly, there have been plenty of times that I wish that they had the miscarriage child instead of me. I feel like that they could have been a better child and not a failure like me. I know that I shouldn’t wish stuff like not wanting to have been born, or not wanting to live anymore. However, I did have those thoughts, and there are times recently that I still do have those thoughts. I even felt like I ruin follows me around. I’ve had my car break down on me quite a few times. It also has a lot of damage to the pain on it, so it looks like the paint is coming off. It’s ironic because I feel like it looks like how I feel “falling apart.” It’s not just the car but also the house. There’s places where the floor needs to be replace. I know that things erode and fall apart over time, but I just get thoughts like “I’m a natural disaster, and I bring ruin and destruction where I go.” Which is ironic for me, because I was conceived during hurricane Hugo, and there was a lot of people telling my parents that they should name me Hugo. I was even born on June 1st, which is supposedly the start of hurricane season. However, they end up naming me Johnathan, which apparently means “God’s gift.” Honestly, I feel like a lot of the time that I’m no gift; instead I feel more like the devil’s curse. There’s other stuff that I felt like I was the one to cause it to be ruin like some relationships around me like the drama recently, even though I’m not the one at fault. I still feel like maybe this stuff wouldn’t have happen if I wasn’t around. Again, I know that I shouldn’t have thoughts like this and I shouldn’t be hard on myself, but depression does that to you. Honestly, of all the people that I met and know, I’m probably the one that has been the hardest on myself.

So yeah…this is what has been weighing on me. It took me a lot of courage to post this, since it's so personal for me, and not something like to bring up. I’m sorry that it was so long and I don’t like posting stuff like this, but I felt like I should just get it off of my chest, so I don’t get crush by it, or even do what those dark thoughts are telling me to do. I know that a lot of it will sound like silly and stupid reasons to get depressed over or even think of suicide. Heck, I even think that, because there are plenty of people going through a lot worse than what I’m going through. However, I can’t help but feel this way. It’s just how I feel. If you manage to read all of this, thank you for taking the time to read all of this. I appreciate it. I probably will end up deleting this journal, but I just wanted to post it to like vent, and hopefully relief some of the weight on my shoulders. Like they say it’s better to get something off your chest than to bottle it up, and I been have bottling this up for years. Thank you again for reading this, and I’m going to continue to do my best to hang in there. I’m going to try my best to not let my depression get the better of me and win. If there are any of you out there dealing with depression, I sincerely hope that you manage to make through it too and that good stuff will come to you.

I know that it might not seem like much to some, but I still can't believe 200 people are actually watching me! Thank you so much for watching me and that you think I'm worth watching. I hope y'all continue to enjoy the stuff that I post. Thank you again. ^_^

Hi everyone. That is watching me or coming across this journal. I got Tabletop Simulator during the steam summer sale cause it was the only way to play a board game online that my sister got me into. The name of the board game is Betrayal at House on the Hill. I'm looking for others that played this game in Tabletop Simulator on Steam or a group that plays it. I would really like to give the virtual one a try, so let me know. ^_^

So, I did the thing.

I got a paintie for Mitsurugi on Furvilla. I'm still waiting for approval, but anyways.

Here's my referral if you haven't register yet: http://www.furvilla.com/register/5315

If you already got an account, feel free to add me: http://www.furvilla.com/profile/5315

This is really an adorable game. I just wish it wasn't so slow. XD


Here's an article if you're having trouble getting started: http://help.furvilla.com/category/4.....ewbie-articles

It will explain how to go about the careers.

I just notice that I have reached 176 watchers and over 3000 page views. I don't know what I did to brought all of you here. I'm guessing it's the porn. XD Anyways, whatever the reason is that you decided to watch me or just visit my page, I just wanted to thank you all. Thank you for watching me and I hope y'all continue to enjoy the stuff that I post. ^_^

I just wanted to give update. I have found an artist to draw Mitsurugi's ref sheet. I just wanted to say thank you to all that told me about their artists that draw them or if they draw refs them self. I decided why not make a journal with a list of artists that do ref sheet to help out my watchers, and make it easier for them to find the right artist to draw them a ref sheet. Therefore, I'm going to be leaving a list of artists that do ref sheets. I believe that making this journal will helpful to not just me, but plenty of you that watch me or just stopping by my page. Thanks again for helping me in my search, and I hope this list helps even one person out there. Feel free to comment with an artist that you know that draws ref sheets, or if you are an artist that draws ref sheets.

List of Ref Sheet Artist

(I'll be continually to update this list)

 pebblesraven
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/19054594/
 shinjii
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/17789133/
 jackiethekitten
http://www.furaffinity.net/commissi.....ckiethekitten/
 naughtyangel
http://www.furaffinity.net/commissi...../naughtyangel/



I've seen other people post journals like this. Yes, I know. I'm following the trend, but I gave in okay. >.> Feel free to ask me from any of these questions, and I'll try to answer them the best I can.

1. What is you middle name?
2. How old are you?
3. When is your birthday?
4. What is your zodiac sign?
5. What is your favorite color?
6. What's your lucky number?
7. Do you have any pets?
8. Where are you from?
9. How tall are you?
10. What shoe size are you?
11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?
12. What was your last dream about?
13. What talents do you have?
14. Are you psychic in any way?
15. Favorite song?
16. Favorite movie?
17. Who would be your ideal partner?
18. Do you want children?
19. Do you want a church wedding?
20. Are you religious?
21. Have you ever been to the hospital?
22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?
23. Have you ever met any celebrities?
24. Baths or showers?
25. What color socks are you wearing?
26. Have you ever been famous?
27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?
28. What type of music do you like?
29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?
30. How many pillows do you sleep with?
31. What position do you usually sleep in?
32. How big is your house?
33. What do you typically have for breakfast?
34. Have you ever fired a gun?
35. Have you ever tried archery?
36. Favorite clean word?
37. Favorite swear word?
38. What's the longest you've ever gone without sleep?
39. Do you have any scars?
40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?
41. Are you a good liar?
42. Are you a good judge of character?
43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?
44. Do you have a strong accent?
45. What is your favorite accent?
46. What is your personality type?
47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?
48. Can you curl your tongue?
49. Are you an innie or an outie?
50. Left or right handed?
51. Are you scared of spiders?
52. Favorite food?
53. Favorite foreign food?
54. Are you a clean or messy person?
55. Most used phrased?
56. Most used word?
57. How long does it take for you to get ready?
58. Do you have much of an ego?
59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?
60. Do you talk to yourself?
61. Do you sing to yourself?
62. Are you a good singer?
63. Biggest Fear?
64. Are you a gossip?
65. Best dramatic movie you've seen?
66. Do you like long or short hair?
67. Can you name all 50 states of America?
68. Favorite school subject?
69. Extrovert or Introvert?
70. Have you ever been scuba diving?
71. What makes you nervous?
72. Are you scared of the dark?
73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?
74. Are you ticklish?
75. Have you ever started a rumor?
76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?
77. Have you ever drank underage?
78. Have you ever done drugs?
79. Who was your first real crush?
80. How many piercings do you have?
81. Can you roll your Rs?
82. How fast can you type?
83. How fast can you run?
84. What color is your hair?
85. What color is your eyes?
86. What are you allergic to?
87. Do you keep a journal?
88. What do your parents do?
89. Do you like your age?
90. What makes you angry?
91. Do you like your own name?
92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?
93. Do you want a boy or girl for a child?
94. What are you strengths?
95. What are your weaknesses?
96. How did you get your name?
97. Were your ancestors royalty?
98. Do you have any tattoos?
99. Color of your bedspread?
100. Color of your room?

I just hit 100 watchers, which I can't really believe that 100 people would actually watch my page. XD Thank you so much that you actually thought I was worth watching. ^_^ I like to do something, but I'm not sure what to do. I'll have to think of something, but in the meantime I just want to thank every one of you again for watching me. =)

I reached 50 watchers the other day, and I just wanted to say thank you. I'm honestly surprised to have gotten this many watchers, especially since I don't have much of a gallery. XD Anyways, thanks again for watching me. I appreciate it. ^_^

I'm always looking to make new friends on SL. If you like to add me on SL, feel free too.

My SL name: Mitsurugi Henusaki (johnny667.henusaki)

I play a lot of Guardian Cross on the iPad. It's a fun card game to pass the time with, so if you want to give it a try please feel free to use my invitation code below. The code will give you a free card, once you reach a certain level. I believe it's between level 5 to 10.

Guardian Cross IOS (ipad/iphone) invitation code: QX30139

When you start it up for the first time, make sure to enter the code, when it asks you for it, so you can get the free guardian.