I haven't updated this journal in a loooong time. but it is indeed August the 17th. So I'm 36 years old.
I'm just chilling with my good pals I made and having some fun, today. I am content I lasted this long. XD

I know it's not exactly close to New Year's, nonetheless, I would like to say stuff has been down and a little up.
It's not everyday you live through long-friend abandonment pain, get your art spirit killed for a year's worth
of days, and have a guy or two help healing your crushing depression.
It's nearly Christmas as I type this in, yet I miss being the under-tree, seeking-pretty-lights youngling of joy I used to be.
Time without going back bites a big one. Bleck... 'least there's people to embrace me.
Still, I can be a little cheery for the few good events popped up on my end.
Must be the late growing status of acception though trials by turmoil. Wouldn't mind if life gets more better next year.
I certainly appreciate it the most sincerity.

I'm tired being the Prince of Sorrow.

You read me right; old friend cut ties with me? I noted him final time to QUIT him and his lousy attitude/abuse.
He even had the gall to say "best wishes" to me and my new mentioned friend, that I JUST told him, of.
THEN, he seals me away, probably while popping confetti as if he's in a Rio Carnival, from the sheer TONE of the last note.
No sincere effs were given about me for months. PLUS, I'm outcasted in all the sites we used to share.
And he doesn't care how damaged I am.

I hope he grows old, cold, alone and be so decayed in life that none, I repeat, NONE of his family members even LIVE
to see him in such a lifeless state. The trash-heap who once I shared a relationship typed like he was HAPPY to see me quit.
This is why I barely get to know people, because I get emotionally burned BY them, JUST... LIKE... THIS.

I HATE humanity sometimes, and what went wrong to me doesn't restore my faith in it. That is all.

Months close of a year's worth passed... and still nothing I cannot do. I tried to bear with the pain, but it's all so tiresome.
I tried to enjoy life, but I kept getting mental reminders of how much I'm a failure by genetic design.
On top of this, my friend has completely left me for dead, with no words or caring about my mental health
for a month of June + nearly 2 weeks into July. I kept trying to work with him, and I get completely ignored like I never existed.
He thinks I'm honky-dory without him or think I just need him to "feel superior". I'm not.
I'm been in Personal Depression Hellzone for so long, I forgot to actually love myself or enjoy life.

And on top of all THIS, my artist drive hasn't been flowing for nearly a year. I don't know what to do with myself.
I can't force jack-shiz to move forward and I been like this for a loooong while. Some say a guy should bear a pair and suck it up.
I can't. I literally can't. I'm the bonding type of person. I can't do without someone who was my muse and beloved other.
How can I even think to "move on"? I am in confusion and directionless. And companionless + art-passionless. It's been eating me alive.
Self-loathing and inner turmoil, nearly every day. I don't know how to live with my faults. I am a lousy prototype and just bio-engineered junk.
I have many flaws and hardly no one could stand them. It's what I think when he left me. The torment never ends.

After many weeks speaking with the one who means tons to me of bonding, we reconciled with ourselves.
I'm going to be extremely careful from this experience and do what's required to keep on sweeter terms.
Now, I can rest softly and focus on making a pic, once more. Umm... as soon I can muster up inspirations.

Just when I thought I was recovering, nothing isn't working well for me... my whole life is a sick joke.
I'm not worth anyone's time, for I'm just a hapless failed life-form. no matter what I try, I'm not good enough for people.
I'm a mere rejected fraud who is just a shade-tier loser. I don't know what reason I have to exist.
It's easy to forget me than give hope I'm worth a bond. I'm unfathomably depressed... nearly 4 weeks and my efforts were in vain...

Either I'm just mentally feeble or I can't work out anything to grace my own gallery.
A little support from my associates helped to ease the pain, and I thank to very much.
Nothing's worse than what you felt close to get separated from you in a instant. It's DREADFUL...
I'm thankful I have folks who do know I'm ruinated in mentality. Jeez... nothing like my usual self in days.

Despite EVERYTHING I try to make amends to the one friend who blocks me at every turn
he does when he breaks me into a battle, after all these years, 10 YEARS, he puts me in a grave!
I just can't take this torment! It's too much to bare! I apologized, gave him heartful notes, even tried
speaking to him about his misunderstandings, and nothing was reconciled! What am I supposed to do?!
I LOST my greatest guy I ever had! No one really loves me! He thinks I'm a monster!
A evil entity devoided of caring or loving! I only wanted unity! Now, I'm even more dreadfully depressed!

I never blocked him this much as he did to me... and despite all my good done in the past, he doesn't
see my turmoil or my misery. I really can't live like this, anymore... I don't know what to do with myself...
Why... ? Why cannot people set aside their petty differences and misunderstandings for ONE DAY to fix bonds?
Am I suffer because I am not the perfect guy for friendship? We're both hot-heads, but I have a limit.
I could NEVER hate him so much like he does to me, now. My grudges only lasts so long...
I know when it's time to give up anger and comfort people you hurt. But, it's all over... he clearly doesn't want me...

He thinks I don't like girls and too "gay-pride" to like anything he makes and get mad for anything with only vagoo!
I LIKE his female stuff! I even adore herms, so I'm not ALL gay!
It's the fact I have a limit of how many vanilla girl stuff shoved in my face at once that make me jolt, unfavorably!
HE doesn't understand me, at all! 10 years and he missed this detail of myself! I feel DEAD! This is my fate?! Eternal agony!?
I can't win at life, no matter how hard I make up for mistakes! It's utterly horrible to be me!
LIVING day by day, yearning your familiar to come back! I never find peace! Can the pain STOP?! I just... WHY?!
No one really even CARES for my sorrows!

Well, things personally haven't been too well on my mind. Really slow ideas and such.
Also dealing with a bond break of friendship hit me hard. so, I'm trying to coming to terms in fixing things.
usually when the mood is perfect, I can crank art over to a gallery at a modest pace, but... jeez...
I must have some terrible fated luck on my life.

The Special Day that is the introduction of me entering life, of course. And, wise on things I bought
some ice-cream to covet tasty flavor for lacking cake. My my, it has been a long way getting here.
I simply had to break news out, to those who read what I say~ Whoever greeted me with Birthday compliments, I am honored. <3

Now, a story of pondering to a possible future turn of events.
I'm worried, if at all, Ambipom can get a evolution that would actually benefit the design AND the stats it bears.
I certainly wouldn't desire a form which REGRESSED important stat elements for a not-so-well-thought-out Ability
like what happened to poor Electivire coming from Electabuzz's Speed and the in-theory-should-had-worked Motor Drive.

No way. On top of those details, I also will not accept some cheap design that takes away the Ahuizotl + monkey aesthetic
Ambipom keeping, of. No body nor faces amalgamation of apes or chimps, STAY directly to Ahuizotl + monkey path
and give a theme bridging the charms Ambipom possessed, then enhancing them.
Alas, knowing Gamefreak, I doubt they will offer such a opportunity in upping the battle capabilities to said Pom.
Especially, when most of their Old Guard has gone senile or got super scared to take improvement risks.
I cannot assure its existence living to regions going forward in time to even GET one evolution, either.
Thanks to... disastrous compromises, setting in stone.

The problem trying to make this monkey prosper in battlefields has become incredibly rough. As much I love planning
of a King's Rock wearing, Hone Claws/Tail Slap/Power-up Punch/Knock Off - Skill Link set, it's NOT enough, alone.
You can't set up a single Hone Claws without fearing to be KO'd from low defensive attributes. Behind barriers, be danged.
Tailwind might assist, but remember, a +1 in Attack and Accuracy is a HUGE, long-running difference linking
Tail Slap's stacked flinching chances.

There's always that nasty fate of Scarfers catching your butt and dashing all hopes 'n dreams.
Because, let's be honest, 115 Speed is a joke these days, unless you're DD Mega Rayquaza.
More so when a certain freaking venom-fire lizard dances erotically around Ambipom with EASE by ONE point, 116.

100 Attack? How middle-tier... another joke, by modern fighting standards.
Mega Lopunny, one can do all the similar things my personal favorite can, was the end of Ambipom's career
from power and speed advantages while already made semi-defunct by Cinccino of all blasted things.
Though, since Megas are totally void-banished for deity knows how long, the Pom still struggles.

Why? Easily explainable; its FORM has been grossly out power-creeped into irrelevancy.
Being stuck to a middle-low tiered form, bearing no safe boosting outside teammates or items sucks. Undoubtedly.
One foretold reason among few others, is important enough for HOPING there be a update, someday.

So... where was I for weeks? Just completed moving, settling in, trying to tap into my creative spirit. There was features
I'm currently planning to complete. Problem is the lack of inspiration to make them form. Stuff will come, as time flows.
Don't you worry.

Does being consistently semi-barefoot in every art from past to present, count?
Or the fact I favor my own toeless islander footwear than shoes?
By all accounts, I show this to state my response. heh heh https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images.....53/872/091.gif

Since no one's saying it, and Pixiv isn't making rounds, I~ must inform you all.
It's high time some Pom-lovers show some purple monkey affection. It can be done willingly, of course.
I think it's perfectly fair since SIMISAGE and, I think... Infernape, got holidays to themselves.
Go figure; Ambipom is always unpopular. And that is not fun. :V

A bit helps urge forward where not much of my type of folk went. Guess palm-tree hairstyles aren't in season, yet.
...I'm always presenting that style in every season, not matter the cases. And, it'll flip to Summer, way sooner. Come on~

Yeah... I'm not having the time of my days at the moment since that explosive years-built-up blowout.
Then, this slowness of art to even come up with the right idea. Ergh. What luck I have.

The gist of what I'm saying is... instead of laying ruin of island civilizations, launch the Carbon Reinitialization Program on the entire Pokemon-fanbase.
WHY? Because it CERTAINLY is full of monkey-hating abusers that flock to common furry crap with reckless abandon and unfairly favor one gender
over the other, to the point that unpopular males, like Ambipom, cannot get ANY traffic. ESPECIALLY for my "Oripoke" Pomsona.
Oh, and SPEAKING of Ambipom... since its inception, the mindless bonobos were calling the Poms "psycho"
from their faces... THE SMILES, and they also loudly called the hand-tails "udders", as if the concepts of hand-tails is SO alien.

This fanbase had 20 freaking years to get its act together. I'm done with these egregiously devolved apes and
the sooner this group is eradicated, the better. There is a time mercy is not a option and THEY no longer deserve it.

Just to set records right, I wasn't even with said group. I only want, it, GONE. I'm fed with its mere existence.

Okay okay, let me TRY to explain this as best I can.
I put some depth of thought into a factor about strengths in the ESPer variety of this series. The problem?
It's REALLY NOT as powerfully fitting what such abilities CAN do compared to the descriptions media would present throughout time.
Since when METAL can flatout not get ruinated with a mind-bullet? Why is shadowy-toned enemies completely nullify
Extra Sensory Perceptions by just STANDING in front of a psychic burst of energy, and make it gone with mere wicked thoughts?

Call me loopy, but... I think Gamefreak haven't got the sheer extent on how fearsome having psychic might is, on a conceptual level.
Yes, not all ESPer display isn't always Locke the Superman or Tetsuo levels, HOWEVER, if you going to include characters who have
such abilities, could you not make the Type freaking poor? I mean, it's infuriating enough the coverage is bad comedy.
YET, while attempting to balance things out because of the Gen 1 incident, they totally forgot to add another type or two to HELP it.

Why am I giving all these words? It's from a feeling that said typing doesn't hit my desired tier of prowess or spacial content
and wish there is something greater to match. I suppose my own two original types fit the bill, better.
Alas, most fan-made Types pail in comparison to the officials by accountability in real existence, regarding if they can improve
the game Type's concept. Another unfortunate fate is, ya can't really associate the name "ESPer" yourself without a Psychic-typing.
It's in the Japanese version's NAME for deity's sake, unless you disregard canon and do this on something ELSE...
like the old-as-a-legend fanmade Cosmic-type, which DOES contain Psychic-type similarities while nailing a firm grasp
about the latter's link to space, itself.

I hope other people can comprehend what my mind's forming, here. Oof~

Sorry about that, dear folks. I was certain everything was fine. *sign* Blast it.

AAHHHHHPPPHHHFFKkiasphoooommmippppppppplhllkkkkk!!!!

https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qi.....9f7533fe2962-c

Souce: https://www.quora.com/Why-are-bananas-purple

Purple bananas EXIST! I grew up only knowing Nelvana, the DKC cartoon producer and Rare/Nintendo made these!
These are Tiny Kong's and I didn't know something I thought of a MYTH for nearly 3 decades, ACTUALLY IS REAL!
Sugar bananas, they be! I bet they taste way better than the leafy-aftertasting yellows. DANG IT, world! Oof... my MIND.

---

Update: https://i.pinimg.com/236x/20/d5/a0/.....c--bananas.jpg

Source: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/412853490832460542/

Here's a whole bundle of prove this banana type EXISTS and most are fully grown.
Absolutely legit and it's glorious.

Get this news I'm about to bring to yous: on Pixiv, my Ambipom monkeysona is SO alien and utterly different from
the normal race, a higher-staff member had tipped me in kind request by chatroom to CHANGE my pictures' tags due to "not being related to Pokemon".
I told him it IS a alternate world Ambipom and by default, in relation to the series. Then he suggesting me to tag by "oripoke".
Original Pokemon, in condensed meaning. In middle of this, he claimed to be a fellow fan and was only helping to keep confusion off searches.
Thus, we agreed... much to my displeasure of misunderstanding.

But, THAT wasn't kosher: how would one react if someone tells you your persona is fake? Living a LIE.
The passion you're been keeping affinity with for 10 years+? The bit of media that makes you a artist, pressing on?
Introspective ILLUSIONS~

SURE, originally I wasn't all tribal alien-ish and galactic, before.
Then I wanted to go for a much special sort of Pom. I even got one close guy jokingly tell me I'm no Ambipom like I got some facade.
Still, I felt offended to a degree, mon! Oh, that's just freakin' PRIME. :V

Heh ha, hiii~ I may been a bit silent for a few or a lot of days, but I've been date checking all activity on various sites~
Of course I wouldn't skip MY special time of my life. Uh-uh~ At most times, I'm glad to be around presenting
the good stuff I make to see~ I may don't have a grand cake, but I got a way to improvise on THAT. heh heh~

Thank you~ Man, I'm a bit lousy on speeches. XD

I cannot believe I'm JUST thinking this mind-awakening crap NOW after all these freaking years knowing those jewels...

Context; most who been knowing Knuckles and his tribe's connection to every Emerald in tow: the Master, Chaos
and Super Emeralds by their claims of origin housed in their emerald altar pre and post-Angel Island separation.
BUT, the tricky bit is... ...HOW the eff said tribe even claim the CHAOS branch of gem family when most are
in the Special Zones by default? Do the Emeralds got linking minds along the big green to be cast away
deep in perilous pocket space dimensions as a means to stay safe until someone worthy getting them?

It would make sense as once you recolor the Super branch, the Master itself illuminates WITH every Emerald on sight.
But, THIS STILL DOESN'T EXPLAIN JACK PROPERLY. It's like a big chunk of backstory never told much, then dumped on the
cutting room floor of concepts. Knuckles' people would have to go through HECK and back on first time requiring these jewels.
And I got some doubt about them not being skilled to test against such trials... unless Tikal is a prodigy getting them done.
ALL of them. If the powerful relics aren't initially theirs... ugh, what a lost legend.

REALLY makes you think, here. It's like I'm taking crazy pills for, as I said, thinking of this NOW.
Gems of power just don't warp out of nowhere and land into a semi-primitive race's lap THAT easy.
I'm telling you, these things got a mind of their own! Wake up and smell the Diamond Dust cereal, mon!
We been missing out something important for ages! XD

Reunited with a important being in my existence and sorting out the errors of myself.
I'm going to try in going calm than let the yang side crush the yin too far. That's a lesson I'm learning, slowly and surely.

I don't feel good about my own existence and being the catalyst of a bad friend fight some days ago, thanks to my short-fused faults.
I haven't been as active on my pages as I want to be. As a result of the aftermath, I'm really depressed.
10 tough and happy years... and I messed up. I don't enjoy how things fell down, either. I'm just destined to be a loner.
I'm such a awful being. He was a special guy to me, being by my side and everything was pleasant... *sigh*