Hey yall...

So...it's been a while since I was here.
I hope the poeple I knew here are doing fine.


Things have been a little crazy for me so here is a few little recap for those who care :

I've finished my studies in art, which were...boring and frankly quite useless. It did grow my culture in a very niche knowledge so there's that. they didn't teach me any actual technique.
I had to do that on my own with kinda ruined the point of going there in the first place. I spent most of my time getting drunk with some friends and playing games.

After that, I felt just aimless and was starting to hit a new low so I went back to living with my parents and worked temps works from time to time to save a little money and honestly, it sucked.

I was stuck back in a nowhere town with barely any friends and working some of the worst jobs I've ever experienced. It made me think a lot about what I wanted to do with my life and things didn't look great for me.
I had very little friends, I stopped drawing altogether, hit very severe depression perdiods and considered offing myself too many times to count.
I needed some change.


A few years years passed, I moved out of my parent's house to regain some freedom and got into a small appartment with a friend of mine. It was nice to change scenery. we went like this for two years.

That's when the pandemic hit. Ironically, things got better at that time. I could finally stay home all the time without feeling guilty about it.
and when I saw everyone going crazy because hey couldn't get out, I realised most people couldn't handle a fraction of my lifestyle which made me feel better about myself.

But in the end, I was still stuck where I was. Small town, barely any friends, a love life dryer than the Sahara...
So I tried to get into a video game school...and failed...four fucking times.

that was a hard hit to the guts, but I kept on trying. In the end, I tried applying for a cheap school in a remote town and...I got accepted !

I didn't think twice, I packed my things and left to start a new life somewhere else.


and what a ride !


when I was in that town, I had nowhere to live, didn't know anyone and had to sleep in my car for a few weeks before I finally found a shitty appartement.

But I didn't care, I was going to learn how to make video games, which was the only thing that made sense to me at that point in my life.

During that year, things have started to change drastically. I was making a lot of new friends, learning a new job that didn't make me want to blow my brains out, join a music group as lead singer which is a fucking dream come true. Things were looking up.

Studies were going well, but things started to go sour with my group project. they started to despise me for no fucking reason, especially one guy that, to this day, I still don't understand whatever the fuck I did to him to deserve his contempt.
but that's alright, he destroyed his own reputation without me having to lift a finger because he was an insufferable asshole.

I wanted to finish the project we were working on because it felt like it could go somewhere. In the end I left the group, but my hard work and resilience paid of because I signed a contract with the director that ensured I would get a fixed percentage of the money generated by the game.

Now I've joined another project who is making a zelda-like game mainly composed of the friends I made during my time in that school and I'm having the time of my fucking life !


I go out a lot, I smoke a lot less weed than I used to. hell, my friends are having a party in my living room as I'm writing these line !

Now I'm at a point were my studies are almost at the end, so I have to prepare for my future, for good this time.



that's kinda why I decided to come back, actually.

I was thinking of picking up drawing again and see if I could start selling some drawings to you guys so I can round up my end of the month.
but that's not going to be my main activity, though, I'm a game designer now ! So for now, it's just going to be a hobby and I'll probably start doodling for people for free.

I'll probably start doing streams again. although I tried making a Picarto account but they just won't send me the activation email...



Anyway, that's all for the past decade. I doubt anyone will read this since most of the people I've known here simply vanished. But hey, I'm still kinda glad to be back, it makes me feel nostalgic.

I've been thinking a lot lately.
Actually I've been thinking about stuffs all the freaking time but especially lately. And for once I want to write this down.
I know I can express myself freely here because this is a place where people actually try to understand each other instead of camping on it's position.

Recently, I've had a lot on my mind because of politic. You may, or may not know that France is actually debating about opening the marriage to homosexuals.

Being gay myself, I feel directly concerned about something political for the very first time in my life. but the reason this has been bugging me is because of all the people who are against it.
There have been HUNDREDS THOUSANDS people going on STRIKES against MY RIGHTS. I mean, they are not even concerned and will NEVER BE IN ANY WAY. Every time I hear one of them speaking on TV I just want to throw up. for them, I can't raise a child properly or have the right to marry the person I love because I am not "natural." (come on !)

I don't know what are the worst feeling in here. discovering that your country is now openly expressing it's homophobia or seeing people simply hating you in your own town for being different.
or maybe it's the fact that I already knew all of this and pretended that it was not real. But there is a latent homophobia in my country, and I knew it since I started developing my sexuality.

Alright, that was for what was on my mind lately. I'm not gonna take all the political arguments (the actual ones) and tear them one by one, it has been done a thousand times.


Now let's turn toward my future. I found myself a dream that I am ready to pursue to the end : having my own comic book shop. I hear people saying that it is crazy, that developing your own market in France is a huge work, that comics are going down (lol) and that I won't make it.

But this is what I want, this is the first real decision I took in my life, I'm not going to let anyone put me down because I'll do it or die trying. I don't care if I'll have a hard time all my life. I know that my professional life is going to be hard no matter what I choose so I'd rather have a dream to keep me going.


But, there is a doubt that is planting into my head because of my current studies. I'm studying arts in a school that teaches me both theoretical and practical of art...and I suck at it.
let's be honest, this is annoying, I don't understand half the shit the teachers are saying, I'm not interested what I'm doing anymore so I let myself distracted in any way possible and it's obvious for everyone but my parents, who are the ones paying for my studies.

SO I failed the previous semester,, which means I'll have to pass it again next year OR at the end of this year knowing that I have to pass the one I already failed last year AND pass normal exam for this semester. in short, I have three fucking semester to pass in one.

The problem is obviously coming from me. I'm getting nuts about school. I want to do something that makes me feel like I actually work for my future, I just don't give a fuck about modern art, theories about aesthetic or any of that crap. I want to learn about COMICS, about how to draw one, about their history, growing a whole CULTURE.

And now we are deep down in my problem. I am a childish spoiled brat that thinks that because he wants it, he'll have it without any effort. That same brat deeply hate school. so every theoretical class is just a waste of time. I'm not going to listen because I the only motivation I have to sit down for hours is to have a computer or a video games in the hands.

Now a new semester started, the difference between this one and the previous one is that my dream became my goal. I need to validate these semesters. art is boring shit, but I have to consider this like a training to the amount of bullshit I'll have to learn if I want for complete my dream in life.


About art in general, it might seem paradoxical but art is constantly on my mind. this is the reason I hate school, if you don't talk a specific language, you will never understand. but when I am at home, when I am surfing on the internet, watching all the things artists, bloggers and furries are posting, I just feel overwhelmed by art. I see all the possibilities people can make out of the same things, all the incredible stories their works are telling, all the good and bad things reflected into a picture, a comic or a story. THIS is the kind of art I need to develop my inner artist. not all that blabbering modern shit that they are have been shoving down my brain since a year and a half.



alright, I wish I had more time to continue my ranting, but I try to be more responsible and get up in time for classes. sorry for the bothering of a long rant journal. sometimes it's good to get it out.