Recently we've switched to a schedule that makes it essentially 50 hours a week. It's VERY VERY hard for me to continue on in anything other than sleeping in on the weekends and catching up on some rest. Has anyone ever had to deal with this? What's the way for one to get back their free time from work and not just sleep through the weekends? Feel a bit like the world is passing me by atm and honestly it's hard to cultivate relationships.... And I mean that as from people. Not just like getting a GF but that's hard too with all this crud.

It's a weird one for me since I've been out of it for so long. But I think after all time for me from all that abuse from my last relationship I can do this! The only intimidating thing really is playing the field again. It's like "How?" and I feel like a creep approaching a girl who I think is hot and starting a conversation...

I say "Starting a conversation" but let's be real it'd be more like "hi" and be awkward with nothing to say. It's such a curse to be this way. Will never understand how people can just be like "This person" and wouldn't you know it they got their number and a date in 20 minutes.

Anyone know a good place to get back into dating? I guess Okcupid would be the normal thing now.

Might be getting close to that time. Cici doesn’t look so good. She's always been old. But now she's sorta really blind and she's close to completely deaf. She was kinda deaf and kinda blind for a few years.


But now... I don't know it's really sad, and she doesn't seem to lift her head up like a normal doggo. Always looking down and wobbling forward running into things and mostly going in circles. It's just heartbreaking. The choice should be made, but I honestly don't want to make it.

It's been on my mind for a while. I don't know what I'd really cover that others haven't... But I do like to talk about topics and like it get other people's views on them. I don't know if I wanna go hard into politics of it cause again that's for people smarter than I. But I guess just talking about shows and whatnot would be fun.

It's hard to find the passion in something that I ultimately am passionate about but fail to believe that passion would transcend into other people wanting to hear it? Most of the time when I talk about things I'm passionate about people often just tell me to shut up or completely ignore me like I never said anything at all. So maybe that's where this feeling stems from?

I just need a half body cause I want to use it as my thumbnail for a let's play of Onimusha. Someone that can do some good armor work and possibly sword would would be the best if you happen to know anyone that's open right now.

So... How to go about this. I don't want to alarm anyone, but my Grandpa isn't doing too good.

I know family matters should be personal, but it's just one of those things. If I become distant or not talkative I want people to know why.

Long story short, I don't know how long we might have with him anymore. I know this might sound heartless but just... It's like accepting the facts here that nobody makes it out of this alive. I try to prepare for it but it never works. I just want people to know they're loved here and please give that person who you might not have talked to in a while a hug.

Put forgiveness in your heart. You don't know when that person or even yourself might be taken from you in the blink of an eye. It's why I try not to hate people, I don't have that kind of time. Losing someone, anyone is a hard time for people.

It's a very simple birthday wish~ Just want all of you to have a wonderful day! Enjoy it to your hearts content and spoiler yourselves a little. Nothing wrong with spoiling yourself every once in a while, and honestly you all deserve it. It's been quite a stressful time as of late and that's NO GOOD. So taking some time to unwind and destress would be great.

Please have a wonderful day out today! ^_^ Smile and talk to someone you've been meaning to talk to for a while now. Reach out and make a new friend. YOU CAN DO IT TODAY CAUSE THAT'S MY WISH <3

Hey guys! I know it's been awhile since last I posted a journal. Crazy I know!!! But bare with me on this. There's generally not much going on in my day to day to keep it updated outside of the "Work sucks!" sorta stuff. That being said! BIG NEWS! HEADING TO BLFC! Which is extremely exciting. This will be my first year in attendance. I know this years theme is Kaiju and that's basically all I know about it.

I'm not sure who all follows me that's going, but I really do hope to meet new people there. Chances are good I'm going to be the shy guy trying hard to talk to people and be super awkward! But that's the name of the game. Get out meet knew people, try to start conversations and try to get better at meeting new people.

But hey if you see me hanging around don't be afraid to come around and say Hi, or strike up a conversation. Promise I don't bite.

Congratulations! You've done your job as citizen of this great country! I honestly don't care who you voted for because it's your opinion. You have your own story and events in your life to make you feel like your choices are the best choice to make. And that's awesome! Don't you ever think your vote is shit or let anyone else make you feel like shit for voting contrary to them. That's not cool and shouldn't be tolerated in our society.

I of-course have my own opinions on this election but that shouldn't matter to anyone but me. I looked at the risk factors on both parties and made a choice accordingly. I hope we have a bright future no matter the outcome. It's scary to say the least, and I wouldn't want to lie and say it's not scary because it is. No matter who wins... It's scary. We can only have a positive view of moving forward.

Sometimes we can't change things on the grand scale, and it's to be expected. But we can change things around us. Things we can touch with our hands we can change. Keep that in mind when going forward into the future. If it comes out the way you wanted or not... It won't matter because you're the one that has the most effect on your life and the people/things around you.

-.-; That was the vet bill for my puppers, Boswell. Gawh! I can't believe how expensive he is. But it was due to the fact that he got lumps on him that are fairly big in the matter of a month. And really my luck with pets and tumors/cancer is never good. Thankfully tests came up and they're just fatty liquid deposits and all that. Don't get me wrong I'll pay any price for my pups but man... That was quite the kick in the balls.

There were other tests and he needed his shots and a years worth of heartworm preventative so it's not JUST the lumps but god that stuff doesn't come cheap at all.

Hello and Welcome~ I'm sorry if I'm not super active on FA, it's a great place. But it's just not where I'm most creative. Still though~ If you'd like to talk then by all means send a note or whatever!'

I'm a creative sort but sadly not in the way that's great for the community. I write and most of the stuff I write isn't even remotely furry. That and it's been about a year since putting pen to paper. Which is kind of a pain in the butt... Really do got to work on that.

But if you're wondering where I'm really active. Fret no longer! I am a Let's Player at heart and I tend to make super stupid videos.

MUCH LIKE THIS!


Also I stream on this: It's sporadic but I try to do it every week in the morning after 12pm Mountain Standard Time
https://www.twitch.tv/zainsa

But if you wanna see my random thoughts I am super active on Twitter

Zainyness

https://twitter.com/Zainyness

This is why I hate driving overall, people tend to not care about anything but their life/car when they drive.

I don't even understand. Like I've been feeling really beat and tired considering. Like work kicks my ass and I don't have the energy to do much of anything really. Here at the deets:

So I generally have a problem with sleeping, barely ever really getting a full night's rest - which I guess is fine. At most I get things like 4-5 hours worth of sleep. I'm sort of used to this. But recently I've been working butt-crack of morning and it's not a fun job to begin with. Either way it's been leaving me more and more drained and to be honest that's okay I guess. But like now every time I take a nap - I don't even get to enjoy the rest. Shortly after I rest my heart just jostles me awake and I'm up and alert in a panic and I'm confused because I shouldn't really be "awake". This is causing me a lot of hardships just emotionally as you can imagine. Waking up as soon as I slip into unconsciousness just isn't healthy.

But at this point I don't know what to do or if there's anything that can be done. I'd rather not just be in this state the whole time. Worried that I might just wake up in a craze so to speak.

It's freaking awesome! God it's just sooooo much fun! Just wish I didn't constantly get D/CS on my team. :(

Either way it kinda makes me wanna get a drawing of the Fursona as an inkling. <3

Dat is all.

I blame my parents for this turn of event. :P

Either way nothing big planned. Probably going to get drunk and stream later tonight.

So starting june 9th I start the rad tech program... But like right now I don't even think I can do that. Like there's everything telling me this isn't a good idea because I can't keep up. I have trouble studying and things that take someone an hour to get generally take me 2+... I don't want ot be a failure though. I wanna be able to provide for myself and others. I'm tired of being stuck here... Doing nothing with my life but I can't do this Rad tech program. How could I when I'm getting a panic attack thinking about it right now. :(

For one there's manga Scarlet Letter: http://i.imgur.com/X8cw2UV.jpg - Oh Japan! What will you think of next?


Pet Metal: https://youtu.be/k21iTOmH1lU This is an actual thing someone did and thought it was cool... Well thought it was a good idea on some wavelength.

Delta decided to spend money on a Meme based safety video: https://youtu.be/Vttuonfu2BM - Will be super surprised that the person who made this still has a job. Memes are terrible terrible overused things. Not all memes sure, but come on!! This isn't even funny. It's just let's spend a lot of money on famous youtubers. That's about all there is to it.

Also a shameless self promotion: https://www.youtube.com/user/ZainSAful If you happen to like Let's plays - Both skilled or unskilled check out some of my videos and hopefully you'll all enjoy them as much as I do making them. I generally upload streams to it as well which is why you see the face cam at times.

Gotta say. It's nice to have so many people who are just really cool people and nice. Never really knew that. Sure I've been on FA since 2008 - but haven't actually been active you know. Mostly due to being ashamed of being a furry. For the longest time I would tell myself "Nope this isn't right." and like deny just a basic part of who I am. Only recently have I really been honest with myself in that front.

I'm really glad that I did though. Been meeting such nice people and really awesome furs just really makes me happy. :) While I probably should have made a different account to go under my Fursona's name of Enrel. I just kinda felt like maybe I should just keep it here. I donno maybe I'm just silly. Either way it's just god I shoulda been apart of the community more growing up. But really a lot of furry hate made me sorta hate myself and be apart of that at one time. Sorta weird double life style I was living.

But yeah sorry for rambling long story short I like a lot of the people I've met and I try to be active to meet more people. :P

Geez not only have I recently been seeing amazing sprite work on some indie games, but also some artist doing the same here and in other places. Being a kid that grew up on 16 bit stuff more than 8 bit... I just wanna know how the hell do they do this? What are they using? Do they use layers? Each part has to be animated separately right?

Does anyone just kinda have an idea how this goes? I'd like to try my hand at it even if I suck at it I wanna at least try once to say I know what it's like.

With everyone that watches me it really makes me feel happy like I do something special, but I don't. >.< I haven't practiced art in a while and tend to get frustrated at it. I haven't written in a while either and that's been a pain too! Most of it is posted on my wordpress, just because I tend to get more exposure of that since I don't write yiffy stuff or often furry stuff.

Either way, thank you all for watching me! It's always an amazing feeling to think I'm worth that watch for whatever reason it might be. You're all awesome!

I know I should make more journals than once in a while... I feel like there's a lot in my life I could write about, a lot of it bullshit drama I can handle for the most part. I've lived with most of it most of my life...

Today though... Today... I might lose one of my dogs today. She is about 12 years old Sheltie - and like today she was really weak leaning on me when I was petting her and maybe an hour ago my brother noticed something strange about her. Her eyes were going back and forth really fast something that's NEVER happened before to it. She was unresponsive... Eventaully she became somewhat better... But not much...

Either way she's at the vet's right now and it's "not looking good"... They're calling in a specialist because somehow it'll help or something... I doubt it and I can't believe it'll do much of anything than be a shitty situation all over.

Long story short I might lose my dog tonight. It's really way too soon since I lost my other one like 6 months ago or so. :( This shouldn't be happening!

I know everyone is probably having so much fun, and before hanging with friends and probably getting a little too tipsy... I figure I'd wish everyone a happy new years (even early) and yeah.

My Resolutions? Same as every year.

Try to be a better person
Try and be a good friend
Hopefully finish writing my book

Anything else is good sailing! What about those of you? Anything you're promising yourself for next year?

Hey everyone, I want to say thanks for being interested in my own work.

I don't really know what to do with the journal so I'll just start it off like this.