I heard this song and saw a portrait of it performed beautifully on a TV show called So You Think You Can Dance. The theme was addiction. It was performed by Kayla and Kupono who were exceptional for what was asked of them by their choreographer, Mia Micheals. There were tears and the emotions given were quite strong. I was moved and watched it over and over again through the whole night. I couldn't rest until I figured out the pull of the piece, why it was so powerful and so moving.

In my ignorance or naivete or even just plain stupidity it hit me quite harshly. I forgot that people were viewing the piece as if watching someone they loved being stuck in their addiction unable to escape no matter how hard they wanted to. The viewers weren't watching addiction from the actual addict's view or from the addiction's view. As selfish as nature can be, when I watched that piece I never once thought about all the people it could pull in from one simple craving. Yes, I use the word simple, because that's what it is.

Now I'm not saying I'm 'above' or 'higher', because of my earlier statements. I'm far from those. I just feel that even though there is that one point of view that it's all people look at and forget the rest. So fast are they to look over everything else once one thing is in their minds. But I digress...

Now I'm not saying it wasn't a beautiful piece or that this song was horrible, but something that took my notice about the piece was the horrible natures of addiction. Or more of how we all view an addiction. It's wrong, horrible, disgusting, unwanted, and uncontrollable. I just hope that most people don't always have to view it that way.

See I've recently gotten myself addicted to a drug most people would be quite common with. Actually to call it a drug isn't something most people would hear used to describe it. But after watching that dance piece, which gave me the need to listen to the song, I've found that in keeping with the theme of the dance and how the song works. I've realized how badly I am addicted. Whether I fight the addiction or not is up to me. Right now though I think maybe I'll keep myself from rehab, because who wants to be clean of Love?

Yes that's right. I'm in love. I've fallen in love.I don't know how else to describe how my body and personality are affected by this person. I keep trying to convince myself that I'm not, but it doesn't seem to be working. Hence where my addiction comes in. My love for this person is my addiction.

It's rather bad, and I feel ashamed of myself for feeling like this. Not the fact that it's another mail, but it's just. I got to do something. When I get online I want to talk to them. I feel bad when they aren't on for a couple days or they're just in a foul mood. When they smile though... I want to just pull them into my arms and hold them in hopes that the smile is just for me. I lay at night in my bed, alone in the dark, and pretend what it would be like to have them sleeping next to me or even cuddling into me.

Ha ha! I'm beginning to sound like some crazed stalker. And I'm sure if the person saw this they'd think so too. Actually I'm sure anyone of you might think so. But don't think for a moment that just because I've written down such thoughts and feelings doesn't mean you have never thought of someone like I have. So don't judge me too badly.

As for my addiction. You know who you are, and I'm not afraid of the outcome of you reading this. It should be obvious considering everything I've posted. I just hope you understand what you're doing to me. It scares me and it hurts at sometimes, because I haven't been able to keep the promise I made to you. At least I don't think I have. And by the date of this post I hope that you'll also understand if I don't... Well maybe I'll wait until tomorrow for that confession.

I have no idea what this is... or where it goes. SO I guess my first entry in this is well gonna haft to be lame as I can't figure out what to do with it.