BLFC was AMAZEBALLS this year, omfg

Admittedly it's the only fur con I've gone to, but it's by far the best con, period, I've experienced. The staff went all-out with everything and they deserve a ton of recognition for it. Praise also goes to the GSR and its included businesses and how they handled everything. The restaurants were superb and the customer service in general was kickass.

Getting to finally meet a few online friends in person and hang out for a few days was so amazing <3 I even met people I had NO IDEA were coming to this con but still remember, and they remembered me too ;.=.; Getting to reconnect with friends is always awesome~ I even got to hang out for a bit with the first artist I ever commissioned, and even though that was over three years ago he remembered the piece he did for me <3

I also have fond memories of drinking gin from a glass jar with five other guys all crammed inside a Chevy Spark while we listened to Kanye West, and then trying to play guitar the next night while buzzed and being unable to make my fingers cooperate. Oh, and I won $183 on a slot machine and ate so much sushi Sunday night I thought I was gonna go into a coma.

GOKARTS AND RUMCHATA AND GTA 4 PHYSICS

Best BLFC ever 11/10 would bang

Also, I no longer work at Sears and begin training at my jail job on Wednesday. Fuck yessssss

I stole this from my journal from last year!

Hotel: My house. Can't justify the cost of a hotel room currently :c

Arrival/Departure: I'll be there Thursday through Sunday!

Means of transportation: My car! Same as always, the Green Terror known as my Oldsmobile.

Sharing a room with: A fuckton of records and LaserDiscs, unless something changes.

Who do you hang out with? I'M COMING FOR YOU  kingaroo >:3

Also  Shenba and  Qwin and  dragie and anyone else who wants to chill :3

Gender: Male

Relationship Status: Single as fuck

How old are you? 21

How tall are you? Around 6'

Are you an Artist? Mmmmkinda? I draw very rarely. I also play guitar if that counts.

Do you have an artist table? NEIN

What will you be offering at your table? N/A

How much do you charge? N/A

Do you take commissions? You throw enough money at me and I'll probably say yes.

Do you do trades? I won't say never.

Are you a Fursuiter? Sadly no. I was hoping to have one by now! ;.=.;

Attending parties? Probably a few. No idea what's available yet though.

Do you drink? Sure. Not heavily.

Can I buy you a drink? Sure :D

Can I bring you food? OH YES PLEASE. <3

Do you smoke? Now and then.

Are you attending any panels? Dragons, of course~ Maybe voice acting too!

Stage or public performance? Plan on checking out PepperCoyote's performance! Other than that, not sure :p

How do I identify my self to you? However you'd like me to refer to you :p

Rules of engagement (physical contact)? I don't care if you touch me as long as you're not a creep about it!

How can I find you? Look for a guy with glasses and white dragon claw piercings in the left ear. I also have two tattoos: a dragon on my right forearm and a radioactivity symbol on my left.

Can I talk to you? Absolutely :3 I'm a little shy at first, though, so I probably won't talk your ear off until I get to know you a bit better :p

Can I give you lots of money? If doing so would make you happy, go for it XD

Can I give you stuff? See above.

Can I hug or snuggle with you? Hugs, yes :3 Snuggling depends on how well I know you~

Can I come to dinner with you? Sure, but I probably can't pay for you.

Can I hang out with you? Of course :3

Can I take your picture? Yeah, I suppose XD

How do I know if you're not looking to socialize (angry, busy or upset)? If that's the case, I probably won't be around. In such an event, I've probably withdrawn somewhere quiet for a while I'll reappear when I feel better.

Personality type? I'm an introvert, so I'm kinda quiet and not terribly outgoing for the most part until I get real comfortable with you. But I *am* friendly, I enjoy the company, and I'm looking to make friends, so don't hesitate to say hi if you'd like to talk or hang out :3

What's your goal for the con this year? GET DRUNK AND PLAY BLACKJACK UNTIL I'M BROKE AND WASTED MAKE FRIENDS! HAVE FUN! :D

The night after I posted my last journal I submitted a job application to the county jail, which is looking for medical staff. Didn't expect much -- I'd also sent some others out in the previous days. To my surprise, they contacted me the very next morning to set up an interview. The interview was yesterday.

They hired me on the spot. I filled out the paperwork and everything. I have some background tests to pass and a few days of training to do, but none of this will interfere with BLFC at all. Training/orientation starts the week after, actually.

This means I can tell Sears to fuck off! AND I get to actually practice medicine at my full level of training!

Oh, and starting pay is double what I've been making.

I feel bad for complaining now, but... not like I had any idea something good would happen so soon.

Apparently I can't even land an entry-level job stocking/cleaning ambulances. It took two years of sending in applications for that fucking job before I finally got an interview, and despite the fact they're supposedly really short-staffed and it requires no special training, apparently I'm still not good enough for it. Not even good enough to warrant a phone call saying no -- they sent me an email on Friday that I didn't even see until tonight. I really don't feel like I'm valued. At this point I'll be extremely surprised if I advance at all. I've tried to hold on and keep attempting to move up, but it's never gotten me anywhere, and meanwhile coworkers are still managing to advance. The training I went through is going completely to waste since all I ever get to do in my current position is give out Band-Aids and Tylenol.

I'm also really unhappy since it means I'm still stuck in that godforsaken Sears job that now gives me so few hours a week I'd seriously make twice as much money going back to selling blood plasma instead. That and I'm sick of being treated like a jerk-off high school kid who can't be trusted with anything. I applied for a job at CarMax just so I can justify leaving.

I've decided that no matter what the outcome, I'm going to try to get into the community college's firefighting program. My desire to help people is still strong, but I feel less confident than ever in my future here. Being stuck in what is essentially a glorified first aid position when I've trained to do so much more is really frustrating -- at least going into firefighting my training would be put to use at least a little. Maybe in the future I can move somewhere else and try ambulance work again.

I'm so tired of feeling stuck and like I'm not good enough. I'm tired of my life consisting of sleeping and using the internet and occasionally going to work. I don't even talk to anyone any more for the most part. I feel like such a fucking loser.

I can't wait for BLFC. I need an escape from reality for a few days... :/

Unless you follow me on Twitter it probably looks lately kinda like I disappeared. Sorry about that. I'm still around... sorta.

I haven't been on Steam in nearly three months now. There's nothing I want to play any more -- Team Fortress 2, the game I loved above all else, has simultaneously dried up and become overrun with pointless shit. It's just no fun any more. Most of the gaming I've done for the past few months has been on my 3DS or my 360, and I really only used Steam to talk to maybe two people, who have other ways of getting in touch. It now mostly just sits open on my desktop and reminds me I have nothing to do, so it was kinda bumming me out. I haven't been on Skype much lately either, for that matter, but I don't entirely know why...

Outside of Twitter, I don't really socialize online much any more in general. (I'm still on FA all the time, but I mostly just lurk here.) Honestly, I don't really socialize much at all. I go to work, I go home. I go shopping sometimes. That's pretty much it, outside of a monthly bowling meet. I'm bored, I guess, and being on the internet isn't solving that any more, so I'm trying to find new ways to keep myself occupied.

I'm in a rut, I guess.

My point is I'm still around, but I'm just not feeling very outgoing of late.

I found an Xbox 360 Elite in the electronics at Goodwill a few days ago. 120GB HDD and HDMI output. Paid $10 for it. Turns out that other than being filled with dust, it works perfectly. I've always been a PS3 guy, but I'd be an idiot to pass up a deal like that. Feels nice to play my old Xbox games again too.

I'm 21 as of yesterday. I bought alcohol. Parents gave me a 12 pack of beer and sister got me Star Fox 64 3D. yay

I just realized how outdated some of my profile info is. Rather than sleep, I've updated it. Yay.

Just for all y'all's info, I more or less quit using Steam, so this site and Twitter are basically the two ways to get ahold of me now.

I'm also planning on rigging up some way to record the music I play. Probably won't post any of it, because I'm not that good, but if I can at least listen to myself played back, and maybe play along with myself, I can figure out ways to improve.

I finally got tired of knowing nothing about my job status at the EMS agency, so I went in to see the Director of Operations and ask what was going on. He, of course, wasn't there, but I lucked out and the Vice President offered to talk about things with me. I basically told him I was feeling stuck and frustrated because I hadn't advanced at all and my colleagues had, even ones that started out at lower levels of training, and I never heard anything about my last job interview. He understood and let me know I was still in the running for moving forward, and the fact I was never contacted about anything was very unusual. I told him I'd been having issues with nobody having my contact information right despite my going in to correct it repeatedly during 2014, and as it turns out his own phone directory still had the wrong number listed for me. He told me he'd talk to people and try to get things straightened out. He followed through! A few days later I got a phone call to schedule another interview for an ambulance position. The interview went well, and I was told that regardless of whether I got chosen or not, I'd hear back.

Unfortunately, I got contacted yesterday and told I wasn't selected for this round of hires. However, disappointing as it is, I don't feel too awful about it -- it wasn't a "no" so much as it was a "not now, but soon." I had a good conference call with the EMS Director and one of my supervisors, and they told me that a lot of people get into the temporarily authorized program and fail, and they didn't want that to happen to me -- they want me to have every possibility to succeed when I do get in, so for now they want me to keep working events and getting experience, but the supervisors will also provide me with feedback to help me improve. Then, when they feel I'm ready, they'll just put me in whichever round is next without having to interview me. So I guess I have an actual goal I can work towards now rather than just hoping something will happen.

I guess the most disappointing part is I'm still stuck at Sears. The old store manager got fired during the two week vacation he oh-so-kindly imposed upon me, and I've been working pretty regularly since then, but I still hate it. My coworkers are awesome and I enjoy working with them, but it's such a shitty place to be. The new store manager started this week and he's already fucked up and pissed off all the cashiers -- starting next week, the closing shift is being made to stay until 10:00 PM rather than 9:30. His reasoning is the store looks like shit, so the cashiers should be forced to stay even later and help, even though the real problem is there aren't enough people in during the day to keep the store nice. All this week I've been one of two people in the entire store trying to manage an entire floor of clothing, and that's not a rare occurrence. Between that, customer service stuff, and tasks from managers, I can't handle it all single-handedly. From what I understand, the cashiers, mostly high school students who can't work late as it is, are planning a mass resignation. The guys in mattresses might also be joining in. I'm tempted to jump in too. I might end up with no other choice if they go through with it and management forces me to try to take up their slack. I ain't havin' that.

In better news, I finally bought a 3DS! I got a New 3DS XL on launch day and picked up "Majora's Mask 3D" at GameStop's midnight launch. MM3D was the one game I was holding out for before finally jumping on the 3DS wagon, and oh man it has NOT disappointed. Kinda makes me wish I had gotten a 3DS sooner. I also have Smash Bros. and it's super fun.

Today I went to Guitar Center and bought some new instruments: a mandolin and a ukulele. I've been toying with the idea of the mandolin lately since I know a lot of guitarists also play those, and I found a fairly inexpensive one, so I decided to go for it. The ukulele was an impulse buy, but a cheap one. So far they're fun and I look forward to practicing with them :3

The new instruments, as well as the 3DS/games, are basically my early birthday gift to myself -- I'm turning 21 in about a week and a half! I have zero plans for it other than picking up a pack of Dos Equis on the day in question. Another early gift I received was seeing a Beatles tribute band named Rain last month! It had been about ten years since I last saw them, when I was just a young kid, but they were just as amazing this time around and I really hope they won't take another ten years to come back to Reno.

I was really hoping things would change for the better. And I guess they kinda have... but only enough to be a fucking tease.

I'm not much better off than I was a year ago. I *technically* have two jobs... but only technically. I may have gotten a job with the EMS agency I had been trying so hard to get work with, but never advanced at all. It's been seven months since they contacted me to take their pre-hire exam for ambulance work, which I passed. I didn't get an interview until two months later, which was by my own doing, and I never heard anything about it since. Not even just a "thanks, but no thanks." They wouldn't even consider me for other low-level positions I don't even need certifications for. Meanwhile, all my classmates have advanced and gone on to be successful.

Even Sears is fucking with me now. Because I dare to not be at their beck and call and work 40 hour weeks in a part-time capacity, and because I dare to ask questions when things don't make sense, my shitty passive-aggressive boss has cut my hours to a ridiculously low amount -- five hours this week, 4,75 next week. Not even a full five. What the fuck was the point of keeping me on past the holidays if that's all he wants to give me? And all the while he just smiles and calls me "sir" in that condescending way he's so fond of while treating me like I'm an imbecile. And yet he and the rest of the dickheads in management wonder why so many people keep quitting.

I'm trying to line up work at a local hospital at least in a voluntary capacity just to keep my skills sharp and, you know, actually work at my level of training. But even that much isn't going well thus far, despite having a cousin who works there and knows people. I WOULD BE WORKING FOR FREE. Guitar Center would be a lovely place to work, but they're full-up on staff. I need something else. I need something to give me a consistent paycheck so I can save my money again, as well as have some fun. I need something that makes me feel like I'm not totally worthless.

I really wish I was better at being spontaneous. I seriously considered just packing a suitcase, topping off my gas tank, and driving down to FC and sleeping in my car just to have some adventure and maybe make some new friends. But that isn't how I operate. I wish it was. I spend so much time planning and worrying and thinking, and no matter what, nothing quite works out anyway. Meanwhile, I see so many other people living exclusively for the now and they're doing all right. They don't worry about the future and they don't run into many problems. Planning hasn't done me much good, so maybe I SHOULD just do something wild. Maybe I should just pack some essentials and drive up to Portland and live out of my car for a while or something. I'd probably be just as successful at finding meaningful employment as I am now, but I'd be in a new place and have some stories to tell.

I don't know. I'm frustrated and unhappy. I'm still thankful for what I have... I just wish something would really go right for me.

Holy crap, I can't believe it's already the end of another year!

So... 2014. It was an interesting year for sure. Didn't go how I hoped basically at all, but it still wasn't too bad overall, I guess. Then again, I've been trying really hard to make the effort to see the good in things even when they suck.

I finally got a job in February, working for the EMS agency I'd spent most of 2013 training with, and I was super stoked to have a chance to do what I discovered I loved, even if it was only a foot-in-the-door position. But after all my classmates moved onto bigger and better things there and I was still stuck in the same place despite going far out of my way to change things... yeah, I'm pretty disappointed. I have no idea what I'm doing wrong, or not doing, to still be stuck and not even be considered for something like an ambulance stocking/cleaning job. Ugh.

I still needed a way to make money, so I got a seasonal job at Sears doing stocking and pricing. Minimum wage retail work during the holidays kinda sucked. People are animals, and the store is chronically understaffed. The store manager insists otherwise, of course, but I disagree wholeheartedly. Everyone does. Quite a few times I've been the only person managing the upstairs clothing departments, plus I've often had to jump in and play cashier when there have been too many shoppers for them to handle, and then I get complaints about the store not looking wonderful. :|

Now that the holidays are over, they offered to make me a regular employee. I accepted. I don't really WANT to work there, but it's better than having nothing. In the meanwhile, I'm going to try to volunteer in the ER at one of the local hospitals. If I don't get an ambulance job, I could possibly get a job working in the ER. Either way it'd be a great way to keep my skills sharp.

In better news, it's been six months since I started getting some treatment for my OCD, and it's improved my life. I still have my struggles, but they're better. I've also REALLY gotten into guitar playing this year. I absolutely adore it and I've surprised myself by how consistently I've stuck with it. I'm still no virtuoso, but dammit, I have so much fun with it! I gave my resume to the manager at Guitar Center recently, so I'm hoping I have a shot at getting in there. Sure would beat Sears.

My sister took an amazing-looking trip to Europe this summer to visit her boyfriend, who lives in Ireland, and while she was there, she made stops in Liverpool, Glasgow, Belfast, and was in Wales for about an hour during a bus ride, if I recall right. She ended up spending a total of roughly three months there (during which time the rest of us cleaned out the house, sold/got rid of a bunch of shit, and improved the stuff we have) and got the whole family tons of awesome souvenirs. She also took the Beatles tour in Liverpool, which I am hella jealous of. I'm saving up for a trip of my own now.

Resolutions for the year...? I guess the only thing I can really think of is that I want to get back into a regular workout routine again. I kinda fell out of it during the summer. I never got out of shape, since I'd still go hiking or ride my bike often -- I just got out of a regular routine. I aim to fix that. Maybe get back into flipping butterfly knives too. That shit's fun and I just haven't been doing it! I'm also getting another tattoo the first chance I get. I got a GoPro Hero 3+ Silver for Christmas so I'm gonna figure out some fun ways to make use of it.

As last year, my top five albums and top ten songs of 2014.

Albums, in no particular order:

Deadmau5 - "While(1<2)"
Coldplay - "Parachutes"
Wampire - "Bazaar"
Holy Ghost! - "Dynamics"
Nine Inch Nails - "Year Zero"

Songs:

Fatboy Slim with Macy Gray - "Demons"
Seether - "No Shelter"
††† (Crosses) - "Death Bell"
Pink Floyd - "Louder Than Words"
Nine Inch Nails - "Me, I'm Not"
Danger Mouse & Daniele Luppi with Norah Jones - "Black"
Deftones - "Smile"
Pillar Point - "Strangers in Paradise"
Radiohead - "Bodysnatchers"
Paul McCartney - "How Kind of You"

So long, 2014. Keeping my fingers crossed that 2015 will be better, with new, better opportunities. Happy New Year!

Local shop had a charity promotion that let you get a free tattoo for donating a toy to a needy child. So now I have a small dragon permanently inked on me.

I have a new icon for the Thanksgiving season courtesy of the awesome  felisrandomis :3

Work sucks! I have still gotten absolutely nowhere at my EMS agency. The last event I worked was Reno Comic-Con, which was itself awesome, but I got nothing but criticism for how I worked because I didn't follow communication protocol to the letter. I'm sorry I didn't answer my radio immediately, dispatch, my radio reception is spotty in a convention center made entirely of concrete where I was the only EMT working a 25,000 person convention and I had a patient that I was actively treating and monitoring in the middle of a hundred hyped-up Norman Reedus fans. And then a supervisor griped at me for not doing things her way despite the fact I treated the patient 100% correctly, and convention center security yanked me away from the patient in question the instant I was done to go tend to another patient.

http://i.imgur.com/95G1JfC.gif

I'm fairly convinced by now after all I've attempted (and failed) to do that they're just not that into me and I'm too dumb to take the hint.

The store I'm working at is all right, though. You know, for a minimum wage retail job. I spend my entire shift neatening up the men's clothing section, mostly, sometimes dragging stuff out of the back. I decided I'd be that unicorn of an employee who actually manages to find shit in the back of the store that isn't on the shelf. Customers LOVE that. I've been told by a few separate people I'm doing a good job, too. Feels nice after never really getting recognition for anything. I have Thanksgiving off, too, which is lovely, but I've been working basically non-stop for a while.

As mentioned, Reno Comic-Con was pretty cool. Even though I apparently did it "wrong," I got to help someone in front of Norman Reedus, talked to one of the Power Rangers, and got to meet Michael Rooker! He was super nice, too. The day before, my sister (who was cosplaying Daenerys Targaryen) reached out to shake his hand while he was walking by, so he shook it, but before letting go, pulled her into the Norman Reedus photo booth and kissed her cheek in front of everyone, which made a ton of girls waiting in line jealous and Norman himself go "wut"

So that was my week.

Welp, I never got a shot at working on an ambulance. Despite all my efforts, I can't even get a job stocking them. Since the special events season is basically over (minus the fact I'll be working at Reno Comic-Con this month, which will be AWESOME), I need something else to do. So I applied for a job at Sears. I got it. I'm gonna be a stocker. Gotta pee in a cup tomorrow to prove I'm not a druggie, and then I'll be making minimum wage for at least the next few months, but hell, it's a job, and I've got some furry co-workers. Should be good.

In other news, I bought a guitar amp last month, which I love. It's a Vox, which I'm hella psyched about. Had a friend over for Halloween, which was fun, and was the first time in like two years I've had anyone over. I also seem to have chipped a tooth. Shit.

Happy Fall, guys!

Been another month since I've posted anything, so I guess I'll post an update for the one or two of you that actually read these things.

First, my car's fixed. I am so glad it works again. Still has some issues, but putting in a new starter and ripping out the aftermarket security system have solved the problem of it refusing to start. I can drive it dependably once again. I also fixed the remote and I'm currently making some small cosmetic improvements to it to make it more comfortable and look better. As long as nothing else breaks, I'll be happy with it for a while.

It's been kind of a boring month overall, though. Not a whole lot going on.

I'm currently on hiatus from Steam. There are a few reasons, primarily being that I got tired of logging in and doing nothing. None of my games interest me any more and I don't really have anyone to play them with anyway. I hear from a couple of friends now and then, but in general it's just not worth spending the time on any more. I figure if anyone really wants to talk to me, they'll find other ways. That brings me to my other reason: it's basically the only place I've made any friends the past few years. There are a handful of exceptions, but it's pretty depressing to me all the same, especially since most of them inevitably drift away, which happened again recently. So... I guess I'm trying to make a change and re-examine everything. Pursue some interests I've neglected for a while. I've been off it for nearly two weeks now and I can't honestly say I'm missing it.

In better news, I have a real shot at getting to work on an ambulance. I talked to a supervisor at work and let her know I was interested in moving forward, so she told me to talk to HR. After my shift that day I talked to the HR girl and told her I was interested in getting into their next round of temporarily authorized EMT-Intermediates because I felt ready to move up. Turns out I was already on a list of candidates she was going to contact to interview for that very purpose -- a list that was on her desk in front of her when I walked in. So instead of her contacting me, I took the initiative and asked about moving up, so it makes me look like I'm actively interested in improving and moving up the ranks. We set up an interview right then and it happened a few days later. I think it went well, so I'm waiting to see what happens.

Other than that I've been riding my bike a lot. Six or seven miles every time I take it out. Apparently it's improved my physique noticeably and I wasn't even that bad to begin with.

Bought a guitar amp yesterday too. Can't pick it up for a couple of weeks, though; it's secondhand and I guess they have to do a background check to make sure it wasn't stolen or something. Still, I'm looking forward to taking it home.

Guess that's it. Until next time...

All right, so... it's been about two months since I posted anything here. I guess I might as well write an update.

First, yes, I'm hella bummed about Robin Williams. I'm not a big moviegoer but I might look up a bunch of his films and watch them. He was awesome. God rest his soul.

My medication is treating me reasonably well. The changes are slow, but they seem to be happening. Some of my compulsions are vanishing and I catch myself *not* doing things I used to have to. Only downside is one rather... unpleasant side effect I've experienced, which I won't get into in a public journal, but it makes some activities... difficult. >.=.>

That aside... I've been really frustrated lately. I haven't worked much at all this summer... I've signed up for as many shifts as I possibly could, and despite that, I only had three shifts in June, *one* in July, and thus far, only four this month. I've applied for more jobs, including one at the agency I work for already and one at the Guitar Center out here, but no luck. Applied for a job at CostCo yesterday. I'm extremely bored and I just kinda feel useless and unneeded.

I've been essentially been working full-time at home helping my parents with some home improvement stuff while my sister's out of the country, not getting paid in anything but their appreciation, and it's really exhausting. Satisfying in a way, and I'm glad I can help, but... the only reason I've been able to do so much is I haven't had any work to do :/ I'm only marginally better off than I was last summer when I had *no* job. As it is I work so infrequently that I feel a lot of anxiety every time I go in, simply because I haven't gotten used to it. I've never gained any confidence.

I'd feel better about my situation if I didn't now have car problems hanging over me too. For the past few weeks my car has been refusing to start, at random. The battery voltage drops below 12 volts and my car simply won't have it, and I have no idea why. The battery is less than a year old and properly maintained, the alternator works fine. The car runs fine otherwise. But it's left me stranded in town five or six times over the last few times I've gone anywhere. One time was at work, where I was able to get it jump-started thanks to the fact there's a full-time mechanic there, but the other times I haven't been so lucky. Worst of all, I can't predict when it'll happen -- last week I drove around town without issue, stopped for five minutes to air up my tires, then got stuck at the gas station. Took it on a ~80 mile round-trip to see my good friend the next day, no problems (and it was such a nice change of pace to be able to hang out with him, really helped), then the day after it started happening again.

I dunno what to do about it. No diagnostic tests have turned up anything, nor has my internet research. I can't have a vehicle that might strand me, but since I've had fuck-all in terms of work this summer I don't have money to throw at fixes until something works anyway. If I can't find a solution, as much I'd hate to, I might be forced to sell it and get something cheap to get me around through winter until I can get something decent again.

tl;dr: Meds are helping slowly but surely, but life in general is kicking me around no matter what I do. I'm trying my best, but little is going right.

Ugh.

Well... I'm just gonna come right out and say it: for the past six years or so, I've been struggling with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

I don't know exactly why it started -- it just... did. All I know is that for years my life has been a daily struggle with obsessive, intrusive thoughts and random things causing me anxiety. I'm a total perfectionist about the stupidest shit and I have to perform my weird rituals to make myself feel better and block out the groundless phobias vying for control of my mind, despite knowing for a fact it's all absurd and not based in any logic, yet unable to talk myself out of any of it, and living with near-constant anxiety about it all.

Yet... as much as I wanted it to stop, I couldn't talk to anyone about it. Knowing it was all so stupid and not based in reality made me feel a sense of shame and guilt about it all. That, and frankly, when the average person thinks of OCD, they think of one person: Monk. A fictional character whose symptoms are played up for the sake of comedy. As much as I honestly enjoy that show, it's nothing like reality. But it's hard to explain that when half the internet thinks they're "sooooo OCD LOL" because they like things neat or some stupid shit. So because of the guilt, and not wanting people to think I'm Monk, I never talked to anyone about it and simply dealt with it alone.

I've tried very, very hard to fight it on my own -- trying to block out the thoughts and delay or deny my urges to perform some compulsive behavior, be it hand-washing, biting my lips or cheeks, re-doing whatever I just did -- but it's all failed. In all honesty, part of why I started my EMT training was because I hoped it'd serve as exposure therapy. You know, go out into the field and make contact with all the sickies, but know it's okay because we take precautions. But... no good. I did at least discover I love this field, though, and I'm sticking with it regardless, so something positive did come from it. (I have news related to this, by the way.)

Eventually I got tired enough of dealing with it that, after talking to a friend who began undergoing successful treatment for the same problem, I finally talked to my parents about it and sought treatment for it. Yesterday I finally visited a psychiatrist and was officially diagnosed with OCD, and I was given a prescription for Prozac. I'm really thankful I can finally begin treating my condition with professional help. The timing is excellent, as well -- Monday I was contacted by my agency's Human Resources and asked to sign up for their Advanced EMT pre-employment exam, so when I pass that, I'll be on a list of candidates they'll look at when positions for ambulance work open up!

Thanks for listening. Morpho out.

I dunno if more than one or two of you play guitar, but I've enjoyed learning guitar enough that I decided to buy myself a better one.

Ta-dah! A sunburst Epiphone Dot. Guitar Center had an awesome sale going on it so I decided to take the chance.

I am happy.

Oh shit it's been more than a month since I've done anything here! How about some updates?

I'm finally working somewhat regularly now. I attribute my total lack of PCD after BLFC on this. Hopefully I'll be doing more soon -- I signed up for every available shift in June so far, and for the ones that remain this month! It's a pretty neat job so far. Last event I worked was a Cinco de Mayo celebration and a drunken 30-man brawl broke out...

Thanks to some extra income I generated by donating blood plasma, and some eBay sales, I got myself a new phone, finally. It's a secondhand Blackberry Bold 9900, but hell, it works REALLY well, the battery life is amazing, and thus far it's far more reliable than my Galaxy S2.

I saw The Glitch Mob play live last week with my sister! It was a pretty sweet show -- I don't listen to them a whole lot (I bought the tickets as a birthday gift for my sister), but they put on a great live performance. All three guys signed my ticket too! :D

I also dug out my old electric guitar and have spent the last month learning to play it again. Oh my lord it's addictive, and it's so much more fun, and effective, learning with a pirated copy of Rocksmith 2014 XD

So yeah, I'm not dead \o/

Oh man I am so bummed BLFC is over :C I had an absolute blast this year! Last year was fantastic, but this year was even better! The organizers and volunteers absolutely outdid themselves and everything was extremely smooth. The choice of theme was a ton of fun and integrated really well into every aspect of the con -- and this time I was actually able to dress up for it! I even received an achievement for doing so! As sad as I am that it's over, I'm really happy with how well it worked out.

It was so much fun to be able to hang out and catch up with friends I haven't seen in ages -- in some cases, not since last BLFC or even before that! Felt like the time since last BLFC just flew by, though. I'm already looking forward to the next one! Dystopia theme... this is gonna be good.

I have to agree with those that say the best way to enjoy a con is to not really make plans and to just go with the flow. It allowed me a lot of freedom to just explore what was going on, hang out with people, or even just do nothing! No pressure. Of course, I did still attend some scheduled events! Got to check out the First Responders meet-and-greet and it was super cool getting to talk to the furs there and hear about their careers. I know so many furs that absolutely hate their jobs, so it was refreshing to hear from ones who enjoy theirs! I also got to sit in on the voice acting panel and that was a ton of fun to be around for XD Last but not least, I was at the dragons panel hosted by Takumori, and I greatly enjoyed spending an hour just discussing dragons with other dragons :3 Midnight Bowling the last night of the con was also the first time I've ever heard "What Does The Fox Say?", if you can believe it.

Naturally, I also spent some time on the dance floor. Supposedly I'm a really good dancer. I dunno about that since I don't know *how* to dance and just move to the music, but apparently the music moves me well, as one friend put it. Brought the deadmau5 head along again, though I left it behind for the rest of the con as dragging it around last year got very tiring. People loved it, though, especially since I revamped it a few months ago with a zombie/monster theme! Lots of fun and people enjoyed seeing my moves XD _{I... actually got a really good discount on something I bought from Bad Dragon with the stipulation that I bust a move for them... so I did.}

ANYWAY... I had a ton of fun and got some cool stuff and I was super happy to be able to spend time with friends and I got some art and aaaaaa it was just an amazing time overall! I can't wait for next year! ^.=.^

I don't remember who I stole this from.

Hotel: I LIVE in Reno I ain't payin' for that shit damn

Arrival/Departure: I'll be there all three days, showing up/leaving whenever! I plan to be there in time for the panels I want to visit, at least.

Means of transportation: My car! The reliable Oldsmobile LSS.

Sharing a room with: Nobody! :D

Who do you hang out with? Anyone who'll have me, I guess. *shrugs*

Gender: Male

Relationship Status: Single

How old are you? 20

How tall are you? Around 6'

Are you an Artist? Kinda. I make art sometimes. I'm not particularly prolific though.

Do you have an artist table? Nope.

What will you be offering at your table? N/A

How much do you charge? N/A

Do you take commissions? If you throw enough money at me I'll give it a shot :v

Do you do trades? I won't say never.

Are you a Fursuiter? Nope, though it seems fun! I screw around in my deadmau5 head sometimes, though.

Attending parties? Eh... doubt it, honestly. I don't enjoy parties in general, and the only room party I went to last year didn't end up so well. >.=.>

Do you drink? Eh. On occasion. I don't get much enjoyment out of it :/

Can I buy you a drink? Depends on what, I guess. Don't do anything that could get you in trouble.

Can I bring you food? If you want to XD I do like to eat!

Do you smoke? Rarely.

Are you attending any panels? Gonna hit up the First Responders and Dragons panels. Maybe the Voice Acting workshop. We'll see about others.

Stage or public performance? We'll see when the time comes if anything interests me!

How do I identify my self to you? Fur name works fine if that's what you prefer.

Rules of engagement (physical contact)? You can touch me as long as you're not a creep about it XD You go below the belt and you have only yourself to blame if you end up with a black eye. >:C

How can I find you? Gonna be dressing up so stereotypically 80s~ Look for someone in a denim vest with buttons on it, and green Converse shoes. Best thing to do is look for this badge!

Can I talk to you? Sure :3 I'm a little shy, so forgive me if I'm not terribly outgoing ;.=.;

Can I give you lots of money? I'd hate to be a leech :C But if doing so would make you happy, go for it XP

Can I give you stuff? See above.

Can I hug or snuggle with you? Hugs are generally okay, but snuggling I'm really not comfortable with >.=.>

Can I come to dinner with you? Sure, but I can't pay for you.

Can I hang out with you? Sure, if I'm not busy :3

Can I take your picture? Bring on the cameras!

How do I know if you're not looking to socialize (angry, busy or upset)? In such an event I'll probably withdraw somewhere quiet for a while and reappear when I feel better.

Personality type? INTJ if you put any stock into that test. I'm an introvert, so I'm not terribly outgoing for the most part. But I am friendly, and I'd enjoy the company, so don't hesitate to say hi if you'd like to talk or hang out :3

What's your goal for the con this year? Hang out with the cool folk I met last year and make lots of new friends~ Other than that... just kinda go on an adventure :D

I guess I caught a bug from someone at the Tool show because I have completely lost my voice. x.=.x I was hoping to talk to my boss today about getting some more work lined up... guess I'll have to try again Monday. I *feel* fine physically but I simply can't speak. It sucks. Last time this happened was about three years ago and I had to go to a wedding... couldn't talk to anybody. :v

The Tool show was kickass, though. We had decent seats and the whole band was completely on top of their game. VERY impressive. They played new material as well, and the lights and visuals were also quite trippy and it was just a hell of a cool show all around. All the online discussion I've seen from people who've gone to multiple Tool shows are in agreement that the Reno show was their best yet. Guess I got in on a good one! I think I've confirmed I'm immune to the effects of marijuana, though, because people were lighting up and passing joints around all around me, and despite it going on throughout the show and getting a few good lungfuls of the stuff unintentionally, I never felt a thing. >.=.>

Wednesday I made a trip to our lovely state capitol and finally managed to pick up my Nevada EMS license. It only took two months and an hour round-trip to get a piece of paper that took 30 seconds to print. >:C I also picked up some stuff to put together a stereotypically 80s-themed outfit for BLFC XP Then my family and I saw "The Wind Rises," which was lovely, and I found a $10 bill on the floor at the arcade.

Which brings us to today, and thus we have come full circle.

Quick update on things!

I am 20 today. Woo~ I'm seeing Tool tonight since they happen to be in town today and my sister bought tickets as a gift ;.=.; I'm excited!

Orientation week at work went smoothly and I made a nice paycheck off it. I got to drive an ambulance! Took about six classmates to the baseball stadium where we had a "welcome to the company" lunch at a restaurant there. I got to do an ambulance run Friday night as a third-rider, and since the schedule got messed up, I not only ended up making a little extra overtime, I got to work with a classmate who got hired on for ambulance work recently, and a Medic I like :3 Gonna have to drive to Carson City and demand my Nevada state EMT-Intermediate license in person this week, however. The state EMS office been holding it hostage for about two months now, and repeated phone calls and promises of it being mailed out and emailed to me have resulted in nothing.

We did have to say goodbye to our cat Grumpy, though... he got very sick Thursday and deteriorated extremely quickly, so we took him to the emergency vet, who said the kindest thing for him would be to have him put down. So we did... I'll miss that cat, but I'm glad we got to give him a nice cushy life while we had him.

Next up: schedule a ride-along with a Special Events crew to see in person how they do business, and then I'll be cleared to work events on my own! Looking forward to BLFC at the end of the month as well~

First of all I'd like to say I'm proud of you guys -- not a single one whining about "Singles Awareness Day" this past weekend. Good on you.

It's orientation week at work for me! So busy :C I've had to completely flip my sleep schedule because I've been having to wake up really early for things. I guess they're fitting several weeks' worth of orientation into a single week, so it's hectic. I got most of my uniform though! It looks pretty awesome~ Hope I can start making money soon... I spent the last of my actual cash on gas for my car yesterday >.=.<

Also, as of... a few weeks ago, no more art will be posted here. It's all going on my Weasyl page. Any of you who haven't looked at it for a while should wander over there to see what's new~

So you all remember that job interview I got called about the week before, right? I had the interview last Thursday, the 30th. I think it went really well, since I prepared for it much more and went into it feeling much more confident. I actually interviewed with a panel of four people rather than just one-on-one, but I felt fine with that.

Well, I guess it did go well. Monday I got a call from REMSA telling me they'd like to offer me the job I applied for! Today I went in and signed a bunch of papers for them and they fitted me for a uniform. Have to take some physical fitness tests and I'll be spending the week after next having to wake up far too early for orientation and such.

So yeah! Feels pretty good to have a job finally~ :3