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Itaku!
Posted 2 years agoI gots an Itaku now!
https://itaku.ee/profile/mosquitosoup
After all that twitter stuff going on It's motivated me to diversify a lil, so go follow me there in case anythin' happens here or on Twitter.
https://itaku.ee/profile/mosquitosoup
After all that twitter stuff going on It's motivated me to diversify a lil, so go follow me there in case anythin' happens here or on Twitter.
NSFW Twitter Locked
Posted 2 years agoWelp it was bound to happen at some point, it'll be restored in 11 hours.
Honestly I'm surprised it didn't happen sooner, my humor is VERY stupid and I love just saying threats to people. But... That actually isn't what caused it.
It was, and I quote- "Just dive between the ridges, you'll be fiine." And apparently that was promoting self harm, and it was picked up INSTANTLY too.
So yeah, if your wondering why I'm not liking or replying that's why, I'll catch up with all that when I'm un-banned.
What a good way to come back from an art break lol.
Honestly I'm surprised it didn't happen sooner, my humor is VERY stupid and I love just saying threats to people. But... That actually isn't what caused it.
It was, and I quote- "Just dive between the ridges, you'll be fiine." And apparently that was promoting self harm, and it was picked up INSTANTLY too.
So yeah, if your wondering why I'm not liking or replying that's why, I'll catch up with all that when I'm un-banned.
What a good way to come back from an art break lol.
Symbolism and other things like that!
Posted 3 years agoHi everyone! Been a little bit since I've just.. wrote huh? Excluding me complaining of course.
Anyways I wanted to talk a little bit about symbolism today! Since it's a topic I find alot of interest in.
Personally I've never done it much, but I really want to, make things more MEANINGFUL in my art ya know? Have reasons for why things are there, since as of late been feeling a little.. purposeless? With my art. Not as in I hate the art I'm producing, more so just a want to improve even more, put the thought in.
I'm definitely not gonna get all abstract, I've never been a fan of the extreme abstract symbolism, but I definitely want to express my feelings, emotions and ideas farther than just characters, plus I can use this as a medium to express a character even more!
What does this mean for any of you? Probably literally nothing, I more so just wanted to talk about/get the idea out there since its been racking my brain for a few weeks now.
Okay to summarize since this is getting all rambly.
Does this mean I'm gonna be all artsy? Definitely not.
Does this mean I'll stop drawing micro macro stuff?
Definitely not.
Will this even be noticable?
Probably not consciously.
This is all my attempts to get good at character expression, paints, composition and design.
Anyways I wanted to talk a little bit about symbolism today! Since it's a topic I find alot of interest in.
Personally I've never done it much, but I really want to, make things more MEANINGFUL in my art ya know? Have reasons for why things are there, since as of late been feeling a little.. purposeless? With my art. Not as in I hate the art I'm producing, more so just a want to improve even more, put the thought in.
I'm definitely not gonna get all abstract, I've never been a fan of the extreme abstract symbolism, but I definitely want to express my feelings, emotions and ideas farther than just characters, plus I can use this as a medium to express a character even more!
What does this mean for any of you? Probably literally nothing, I more so just wanted to talk about/get the idea out there since its been racking my brain for a few weeks now.
Okay to summarize since this is getting all rambly.
Does this mean I'm gonna be all artsy? Definitely not.
Does this mean I'll stop drawing micro macro stuff?
Definitely not.
Will this even be noticable?
Probably not consciously.
This is all my attempts to get good at character expression, paints, composition and design.
Moving Requests.
Posted 3 years agoI'm officially no longer announcing requests on FA, nor am I taking them here anymore either.
You'll be able to see my request posts on twitter and only be allowed to make requests there, due to the harassment and bombardment of notes I've gotten here. I don't blame any of my watchers, your all fine, but these utter request vultures who aren't even watching or care about my art at all, more so just wanting free art are utterly unbearable to deal with every time I open requests to watchers. I don't LIKE being told off because I denied a request, I don't LIKE the utter entitlement i've had to deal with on this website as of late, I'm a person, not a vessel to get free art out of.
The requests that are in my last request post are still valid (The ones who are actually watching me that is) but any future request stuff will be moved to Twitter, as i've had a much better request experience there.
You'll be able to see my request posts on twitter and only be allowed to make requests there, due to the harassment and bombardment of notes I've gotten here. I don't blame any of my watchers, your all fine, but these utter request vultures who aren't even watching or care about my art at all, more so just wanting free art are utterly unbearable to deal with every time I open requests to watchers. I don't LIKE being told off because I denied a request, I don't LIKE the utter entitlement i've had to deal with on this website as of late, I'm a person, not a vessel to get free art out of.
The requests that are in my last request post are still valid (The ones who are actually watching me that is) but any future request stuff will be moved to Twitter, as i've had a much better request experience there.
200 watchers!
Posted 4 years agoHuzzah! 200 watchers! The most followers I have on any site!
Thank you all :> it always means so much that a good bit of people like the stuff I do.
Thank you all :> it always means so much that a good bit of people like the stuff I do.
Requests!
Posted 4 years agoCurrently open to some requests! Comment em here or dm me it on whatever platform I'm on, NSFW ideas are allowed. <333
Like all requests this isn't a confirmation that I'll do it, but If ya say somethin I like the idea of as well I'll probably do it :v
Like all requests this isn't a confirmation that I'll do it, but If ya say somethin I like the idea of as well I'll probably do it :v
The rampant bot harassment
Posted 4 years agoI've seen others talking about this (Lookin at you Milkshake) but I wanna as well.
Lately you've probably noticed the fair bit of hidden comments on my posts, those are stupid loser idiot bot comments. Furaffinity has been full of em as of late and I have zero idea how to stop it :<
I enjoyed the uptick of a comment number, means something cute I can read! But now it's all fluff from bots wanting to sell some sex thing. Please. Dont click on those links either- atleast not without your internet condom on first.
Stay safe and secure out there, hopefully FA will do something about this, and if not than :(
Lately you've probably noticed the fair bit of hidden comments on my posts, those are stupid loser idiot bot comments. Furaffinity has been full of em as of late and I have zero idea how to stop it :<
I enjoyed the uptick of a comment number, means something cute I can read! But now it's all fluff from bots wanting to sell some sex thing. Please. Dont click on those links either- atleast not without your internet condom on first.
Stay safe and secure out there, hopefully FA will do something about this, and if not than :(
100 watchers
Posted 4 years agoI know this is a lil late, I've been at 100 watchers for a bit now, but thANK YOU ALL SOSOSO MUCH!!!
This account has grown so fast and I'm so happy that you all like my characters, sona, and just me, its amazingly flattering. Never thought I could have an account which posts both regular and fetish related stuff all in the same place and it being just a causal thing ya know? Plus the fact y'all even like my fetish content to begin with.
It makes me so happy to know you all like what I'm doing and I dont have any pressure to do something I dont wanna do. This bug loves you all soso much, small bug hugs all around!!
This account has grown so fast and I'm so happy that you all like my characters, sona, and just me, its amazingly flattering. Never thought I could have an account which posts both regular and fetish related stuff all in the same place and it being just a causal thing ya know? Plus the fact y'all even like my fetish content to begin with.
It makes me so happy to know you all like what I'm doing and I dont have any pressure to do something I dont wanna do. This bug loves you all soso much, small bug hugs all around!!
Micro raffle 2!
Posted 4 years agoYet again I'm hosting a raffle if ya will, more just wanna get a list of peeps who'd wanna be a micro in a peice of mine, you know the drill-
-You need to be watching
-Comment the character who you'd wanna be a micro too- (All my characters are on the table! Mimi, Dinomite, Petrol, Yours truly~~~~, Kerosene, etc even unnamed designs! If they dont have a name and you cant find a way to describe em, just put a link to em)
-Comment the types or micro macro content you'd wanna be in (types of vore, feetplay, etc)
-And finally comment something nice :>
Commenting here means you'll probably be in a future peice! There is no time limit to this, like I had said before I need micros to draw for my macros to have fun with!
-You need to be watching
-Comment the character who you'd wanna be a micro too- (All my characters are on the table! Mimi, Dinomite, Petrol, Yours truly~~~~, Kerosene, etc even unnamed designs! If they dont have a name and you cant find a way to describe em, just put a link to em)
-Comment the types or micro macro content you'd wanna be in (types of vore, feetplay, etc)
-And finally comment something nice :>
Commenting here means you'll probably be in a future peice! There is no time limit to this, like I had said before I need micros to draw for my macros to have fun with!
Thank you all <<33
Posted 4 years agoI'm getting soso close to 100 watchers! I never ever expected my account to grow this fast! I know it's not much when compared to the bigger artists who've hit around a thousand each, but its huge to me!
It warms me to no end hearing all the love you all have towards this 'squito and everytime I read someone saying how they like one of my characters it flushes my cheeks and makes me feel all gooed up inside.
On all my accounts, Insta, Fa and Twitter they all give me heavy motivation to draw and doodle. People who are 10x bigger than me even like my stuff! That's insane! While I still may not be the best at art this has all reassured me that I'm doing a good job at it!
So again, from the bottom of my heart, thank you all soso much, this mozzie loves ya all <33
It warms me to no end hearing all the love you all have towards this 'squito and everytime I read someone saying how they like one of my characters it flushes my cheeks and makes me feel all gooed up inside.
On all my accounts, Insta, Fa and Twitter they all give me heavy motivation to draw and doodle. People who are 10x bigger than me even like my stuff! That's insane! While I still may not be the best at art this has all reassured me that I'm doing a good job at it!
So again, from the bottom of my heart, thank you all soso much, this mozzie loves ya all <33
Micro Raffle!
Posted 4 years agoAlright- This is for my next micro macro piece so don't read if your a minor/not actually into that stuff!
So, been wanting to do another naughty piece buuuuuuuut I cant figure out who Id want the micro to be- So It can be one of you! All ya gotta do
is simply comment on this journal!
Your comment needs to contain the character you'd wanna be the micro too (Has to be one of mine! Either Petrol, Dino-mite or yours truly~) and the
the type of micro macro content ya enjoy (Though no promises that'll be what the piece has in it, but if i'm feelin it than you'll be in luck).
And say something nice :))
Good luck to you all!!
So, been wanting to do another naughty piece buuuuuuuut I cant figure out who Id want the micro to be- So It can be one of you! All ya gotta do
is simply comment on this journal!
Your comment needs to contain the character you'd wanna be the micro too (Has to be one of mine! Either Petrol, Dino-mite or yours truly~) and the
the type of micro macro content ya enjoy (Though no promises that'll be what the piece has in it, but if i'm feelin it than you'll be in luck).
And say something nice :))
Good luck to you all!!
Commissions!!!
Posted 4 years agoSoon I'm planning on opening commissions, still hashing out pricing with myself.
The three options are gonna be Single character - Multi character - Animated
The rough estimates for the prices are gonna be 18$ 25$ 30-50$ Animated is particularly tricky to price, since it varies in complexity a ton. though same with everything else, these are gonna be estimates
the actual price may be lower or higher depending on what you want for each.
Oh and NSFW commissions will add an extra 10$ to it.
And when it comes to my will/wont do's it varies case by case, but don't be afraid to ask! Trust me I've seen hell and back through this website, nothing will make me flinch anymore.
Though remember I am into vore/micro macro stuff, so i'm 10x more likely to do a nsfw com if it involves that.
So look out for when I post my com sheet!!
Questions n'such? Don't be afraid to ask here or in my notes/discord!!
The three options are gonna be Single character - Multi character - Animated
The rough estimates for the prices are gonna be 18$ 25$ 30-50$ Animated is particularly tricky to price, since it varies in complexity a ton. though same with everything else, these are gonna be estimates
the actual price may be lower or higher depending on what you want for each.
Oh and NSFW commissions will add an extra 10$ to it.
And when it comes to my will/wont do's it varies case by case, but don't be afraid to ask! Trust me I've seen hell and back through this website, nothing will make me flinch anymore.
Though remember I am into vore/micro macro stuff, so i'm 10x more likely to do a nsfw com if it involves that.
So look out for when I post my com sheet!!
Questions n'such? Don't be afraid to ask here or in my notes/discord!!
Q&A!
Posted 4 years agoI've always wanted to do one of these-
Have any sort of questions you wanna ask me? Well ask away here!!
All questions fly! From questions about my OCs/characters to about myself and even more personal/sexual questions they all work, I gots nothing to hide.
(If you consider a question too personal dont be afraid to send it in a note to me aswell or message my discord)
Have any sort of questions you wanna ask me? Well ask away here!!
All questions fly! From questions about my OCs/characters to about myself and even more personal/sexual questions they all work, I gots nothing to hide.
(If you consider a question too personal dont be afraid to send it in a note to me aswell or message my discord)
Distraught
Posted 5 years agoVery recently something major has happened in my life, I was rushed to the vet by my mother, my childhood pet is on deaths door.
I've experienced this before with other pets, but this... this is different...
An animal so in pain, in such horrid health condition to the point it cant even move its eyes.
Its left me with a pit in my stomach, just a week ago she was the happiest dog around, now she can't even stand, her own body is attacking her muscles, making the most minuet movements causeing agonizing pain, deforming her body to almost just the skeleton and skin.
The vets say they can help, and I hope they can, but I've never seen an animal suffering more, its left me completely and emotionally destroyed seeing what I saw.
I needed to get this out, my emotions are everywhere and I dont know what to do.
I've experienced this before with other pets, but this... this is different...
An animal so in pain, in such horrid health condition to the point it cant even move its eyes.
Its left me with a pit in my stomach, just a week ago she was the happiest dog around, now she can't even stand, her own body is attacking her muscles, making the most minuet movements causeing agonizing pain, deforming her body to almost just the skeleton and skin.
The vets say they can help, and I hope they can, but I've never seen an animal suffering more, its left me completely and emotionally destroyed seeing what I saw.
I needed to get this out, my emotions are everywhere and I dont know what to do.
The new year.
Posted 5 years agoFirstly I'd like to congratulate you all for making it to 2021! Give yourself a pat on the back!
Phew 2020 was a marathon, ups and downs lefts and rights, just totally everywhere for me.
While yeah things probably wont get magically better in 2021 there still will be good moments, cant go a year long without smiling atleast a little, and that's what you gotta hold onto! Keep that chin high and you'll make it through, but dont set those expectations in the clouds, dont wanna set yourself up for disappointment.
Just keep living and laughing one day at a time!
Bug hugs for you all! <333
Phew 2020 was a marathon, ups and downs lefts and rights, just totally everywhere for me.
While yeah things probably wont get magically better in 2021 there still will be good moments, cant go a year long without smiling atleast a little, and that's what you gotta hold onto! Keep that chin high and you'll make it through, but dont set those expectations in the clouds, dont wanna set yourself up for disappointment.
Just keep living and laughing one day at a time!
Bug hugs for you all! <333
Feelings of undeserving things.
Posted 5 years agoFor the past while now I've had these feelings haunting every second, building in my chest slowly only to get released in horrible outbursts, it's the feeling of not deserving what you have.
No I'm not talking about monetary, life or any of that, more the smaller scale. I've been having feelings like I'm a toxic person to be around and that I dont deserve the contacts I have, who am I really? Just some jackass on the interwebs who fakes self confidence because they lack the real thing, fearing showing vulnerability and masking it all under a monotone blanket when expressing to others, messages full of words yet also emptiness.
Why havent people cut me out of their life yet? Aren't I being a burden? Aren't their better people they'd rather hang around? Or are those people not around right now, so I get the seconds. Sometimes it makes me mad, frustrated at myself for so many toxic thoughts and ideas which I have to push away every second I'm left alone, a constant fight uphill which seems unwinnable, leaving me for weeks stuck in my own head until something yanks me out, only for the cycle to repeat yet again.
Tldr: Stew feeling poop and wants to make word soup in the hopes of feeling better.
No I'm not talking about monetary, life or any of that, more the smaller scale. I've been having feelings like I'm a toxic person to be around and that I dont deserve the contacts I have, who am I really? Just some jackass on the interwebs who fakes self confidence because they lack the real thing, fearing showing vulnerability and masking it all under a monotone blanket when expressing to others, messages full of words yet also emptiness.
Why havent people cut me out of their life yet? Aren't I being a burden? Aren't their better people they'd rather hang around? Or are those people not around right now, so I get the seconds. Sometimes it makes me mad, frustrated at myself for so many toxic thoughts and ideas which I have to push away every second I'm left alone, a constant fight uphill which seems unwinnable, leaving me for weeks stuck in my own head until something yanks me out, only for the cycle to repeat yet again.
Tldr: Stew feeling poop and wants to make word soup in the hopes of feeling better.
Art raffle!
Posted 5 years agoThe time is almost up! Around 2-3 more hours before I close it and roll out the winners!
Thank you all so much for participating on my Twitter, Insta and furaffinity it means the world to me <33 18 people signed up! (At the time of writing)
Statistically speaking you have a 5% chance of winning, will you be the one???
Thank you all so much for participating on my Twitter, Insta and furaffinity it means the world to me <33 18 people signed up! (At the time of writing)
Statistically speaking you have a 5% chance of winning, will you be the one???
Things and stuff.
Posted 5 years agoWowie, a good deal has happened in the time of my recovery! The main thing being.... I got a boyfriend!!! I've like never felt this way before too someone, and also not been this intimate- but he's helping me along like the bumbling bafoon I am.
He's been a very close friend for around 2 years now and he recently popped the question and my world has been spinning ever since, these are all like new feelings I've never felt before and I'm so new to relationship stuff, but I can say with extreme happiness this 'squito is off the market!
Also recovered from my wisdom teeth surgery, so I'll see about doing some doodles :p
He's been a very close friend for around 2 years now and he recently popped the question and my world has been spinning ever since, these are all like new feelings I've never felt before and I'm so new to relationship stuff, but I can say with extreme happiness this 'squito is off the market!
Also recovered from my wisdom teeth surgery, so I'll see about doing some doodles :p
Under recovery.
Posted 5 years agoCurrently I'm recovering from getting my top wisdom teeth pulled, just want to let you all know there probably wont be any art for a bit as I recover.
ParaLoneliness.
Posted 5 years agoHave a writing bug and need to get it out-
On a night like this I find myself sinking into my pillow deeper than usual, feelings of loneliness fill my mind, though not your normal every day loneliness, this is a special breed, a real torment of one. I have plenty of online friends yet something is missing and this is how it strikes, what I've coined ParaLoneliness (It probably has a name but my stupid bug brain doesn't know it so where sticking with Paraloneliness).
Paraloneliness is a real sneak, yes you have plenty of online friends, but have nobody to talk to face to face, let alone hug or give cheek smooches and this is how it tricks you.
You think "I cant be lonely, I call and chit chat with tons of people!" Yet its never face to face, though I'll admit I've never done it on a video call so I might not be 100% accurate but the point still stands, it makes you think something else is wrong but what's wrong is someone isnt within arms reach of you.
People need physical bonds and attachment, online bonds may be nice but dont fall into this trap that paraloneliness causes, the underlying boiling of dissatisfaction, hugging your pillow a bit tighter at night, the starving of contact is such an issue this day and age and we have zero idea how it affects others psychology.
Now I know, some people don't have irl friends, me included, but this is merely me just talking about it, I dont have solutions, but I think people should be aware with what little social Influence I have.
Or you could just ignore the quiet rabbles of this small 'squito and move about your day but you'd make me :(
On a night like this I find myself sinking into my pillow deeper than usual, feelings of loneliness fill my mind, though not your normal every day loneliness, this is a special breed, a real torment of one. I have plenty of online friends yet something is missing and this is how it strikes, what I've coined ParaLoneliness (It probably has a name but my stupid bug brain doesn't know it so where sticking with Paraloneliness).
Paraloneliness is a real sneak, yes you have plenty of online friends, but have nobody to talk to face to face, let alone hug or give cheek smooches and this is how it tricks you.
You think "I cant be lonely, I call and chit chat with tons of people!" Yet its never face to face, though I'll admit I've never done it on a video call so I might not be 100% accurate but the point still stands, it makes you think something else is wrong but what's wrong is someone isnt within arms reach of you.
People need physical bonds and attachment, online bonds may be nice but dont fall into this trap that paraloneliness causes, the underlying boiling of dissatisfaction, hugging your pillow a bit tighter at night, the starving of contact is such an issue this day and age and we have zero idea how it affects others psychology.
Now I know, some people don't have irl friends, me included, but this is merely me just talking about it, I dont have solutions, but I think people should be aware with what little social Influence I have.
Or you could just ignore the quiet rabbles of this small 'squito and move about your day but you'd make me :(
Don't demean yourself as a compliment!!
Posted 5 years agoThis is something that's been happening to me as of late when talking to others, especially about art and it's starting to get under my exoskeleton slightly.
When talking to others, showing doodles etc there has started to be the chance that they compliment them something like this - (Wow! I could never do that!), (I'm so jealous of your talent!) or (My art sucks compared to yours!) things like that and
it blows major beans getting compliments like that, it's like emotionally holding me hostage. I'll either be forced to say good things about the others art/skill and suddenly the conversation has turned all about them! I don't think of myself of being a bastard but when I'm forced into
this situation so much it's emotionally draining and I feel like a total bastard for being so fed-up with it.
So please, dont demean yourself and strong arm the others emotionally for them to compliment you! You have skill too and you might lose friends this way!
Also p.s don't call it talent, I'd reccmend saying skill instead, talent assumes its a natural born thing, where skill is a lot more direct and acknowledges the trials and tribulations the artist went through.
When talking to others, showing doodles etc there has started to be the chance that they compliment them something like this - (Wow! I could never do that!), (I'm so jealous of your talent!) or (My art sucks compared to yours!) things like that and
it blows major beans getting compliments like that, it's like emotionally holding me hostage. I'll either be forced to say good things about the others art/skill and suddenly the conversation has turned all about them! I don't think of myself of being a bastard but when I'm forced into
this situation so much it's emotionally draining and I feel like a total bastard for being so fed-up with it.
So please, dont demean yourself and strong arm the others emotionally for them to compliment you! You have skill too and you might lose friends this way!
Also p.s don't call it talent, I'd reccmend saying skill instead, talent assumes its a natural born thing, where skill is a lot more direct and acknowledges the trials and tribulations the artist went through.
Where in the world is little ol Stew?
Posted 5 years agoSimple answer: In pain and sick :(
Longer answer: My wisdom teeth have been causing me a-lot of pain as of late, got a check-up and bam, one of my wisdom teeth is enlarged and causing a bazillion problems, so I'm waiting
on a callback from them, now that's pretty bad standalone, but with enough painkillers I could work through it, however it's also infected so i'm bombing my stomach and mouth with antibiotics as well
and my body really doesn't enjoy it, so it's left me real debilitated.
And it gets even worse, got prescribed some medication for my chronic nightmares and night terrors and my body REALLY hates it, headaches, dizziness and insomnia are all an issue now as well, which I'm
talking to my doctor about, luckily all the symptoms are normal so nothing to actually worry about. But what I do worry a little about is my b-day! It's coming up soon (Oct 14th) and I'll probably spend it recovering from this mess of medication.
So yeah, that's the situation, BUT it's not all medication and bad feelings, been totally pampering myself with food I really enjoy and friends have been decently supportive, just a little health bump in my life is all.
Longer answer: My wisdom teeth have been causing me a-lot of pain as of late, got a check-up and bam, one of my wisdom teeth is enlarged and causing a bazillion problems, so I'm waiting
on a callback from them, now that's pretty bad standalone, but with enough painkillers I could work through it, however it's also infected so i'm bombing my stomach and mouth with antibiotics as well
and my body really doesn't enjoy it, so it's left me real debilitated.
And it gets even worse, got prescribed some medication for my chronic nightmares and night terrors and my body REALLY hates it, headaches, dizziness and insomnia are all an issue now as well, which I'm
talking to my doctor about, luckily all the symptoms are normal so nothing to actually worry about. But what I do worry a little about is my b-day! It's coming up soon (Oct 14th) and I'll probably spend it recovering from this mess of medication.
So yeah, that's the situation, BUT it's not all medication and bad feelings, been totally pampering myself with food I really enjoy and friends have been decently supportive, just a little health bump in my life is all.
Twitter is not the place to be.
Posted 5 years agoBack again with another long winded journal.
Twitter just Isn't the place you wan't to be In any way, It's useful for communication sure, but actually posting Is a whole other story.
I have never felt more out of place and un-welcome on a platform before, the feeling of shouting and never being heard,
sudden bouts of loneliness, twitter causes It all and It Is not something I am going to subject myself too.
'But Stew, your being too sensitive or projecting.' You know what? Maybe I am, maybe I am being too sensitive and weak for the platform, but why subject myself to It anyways? I don't have to be there
If I don't want to be.
Yet again what is the purpose of this journal? Don't stay on a social media platform If it brings you harm or poor mental health, something I've been pulling myself out of and It's been
surprisingly good for me and my own mental health and maybe It might help you If you have similar problems.
Twitter just Isn't the place you wan't to be In any way, It's useful for communication sure, but actually posting Is a whole other story.
I have never felt more out of place and un-welcome on a platform before, the feeling of shouting and never being heard,
sudden bouts of loneliness, twitter causes It all and It Is not something I am going to subject myself too.
'But Stew, your being too sensitive or projecting.' You know what? Maybe I am, maybe I am being too sensitive and weak for the platform, but why subject myself to It anyways? I don't have to be there
If I don't want to be.
Yet again what is the purpose of this journal? Don't stay on a social media platform If it brings you harm or poor mental health, something I've been pulling myself out of and It's been
surprisingly good for me and my own mental health and maybe It might help you If you have similar problems.
I am not an adult.
Posted 5 years agoAs of an hour ago I got a letter in the mail, from the sheriffs department, and my heart froze up like I was staring death in the face, however It was just jury duty questions to add you to the random lottery of getting jury duty, which I promptly filled back out.
But this got me thinking, I'm turning 19 in like a month and I am so not an adult, I don't feel like one and I don't feel mentally prepared to be thrown into that world but every day that passes by it makes me more and more anxious that I eventually will be thrown full force into it. I've never had proper parents, my dads a deadbeat and my mom, while lovely, doesn't know how to teach me. I'm afraid, afraid of being shoved into an adult world with nothing to support myself with and It makes me just wanna cry.
I know this is ramble-y and venting which probably shouldn't go on this site but I have nowhere else to put it.
But this got me thinking, I'm turning 19 in like a month and I am so not an adult, I don't feel like one and I don't feel mentally prepared to be thrown into that world but every day that passes by it makes me more and more anxious that I eventually will be thrown full force into it. I've never had proper parents, my dads a deadbeat and my mom, while lovely, doesn't know how to teach me. I'm afraid, afraid of being shoved into an adult world with nothing to support myself with and It makes me just wanna cry.
I know this is ramble-y and venting which probably shouldn't go on this site but I have nowhere else to put it.
I don't know why this Isn't talked about.
Posted 5 years agoA good bit of people don't know this about me, but I am autistic, I won't go into the stuff I deal with, I'm not looking for pity, I more want to talk about something specific.
So all my life I've battled with ADHD, always just thinking that the only thing it did was hinder my ability to pay attention and the reason my mind has times of not shushing up when I really need it to.
But it turns out it does more than that, it kills motivation, literally, your brain wont produce enough of the chemical which pushes you to do things or get that satisfaction from finishing something
and because of that it's opened my eyes a bit more. I always thought I struggled with motivation just because I'm a lazy bastard and beat myself up over it constantly, but no, my brain is just wired differently.
Now you're probably thinking "Hey Stew? Why even bring this up at all?" Well I just wanted to tell people who where in the same situation as me who thought ADHD was just an attention disorder, it's not,
It is so much deeper and I recommend anyone who watches me who suffers from ADHD to look into it more, it may shine some light on behaviors you thought you where doing because you just weren't a good person.
People aren't born lazy or inept, people just have differently wired brains who need to be accommodated for.
<3
So all my life I've battled with ADHD, always just thinking that the only thing it did was hinder my ability to pay attention and the reason my mind has times of not shushing up when I really need it to.
But it turns out it does more than that, it kills motivation, literally, your brain wont produce enough of the chemical which pushes you to do things or get that satisfaction from finishing something
and because of that it's opened my eyes a bit more. I always thought I struggled with motivation just because I'm a lazy bastard and beat myself up over it constantly, but no, my brain is just wired differently.
Now you're probably thinking "Hey Stew? Why even bring this up at all?" Well I just wanted to tell people who where in the same situation as me who thought ADHD was just an attention disorder, it's not,
It is so much deeper and I recommend anyone who watches me who suffers from ADHD to look into it more, it may shine some light on behaviors you thought you where doing because you just weren't a good person.
People aren't born lazy or inept, people just have differently wired brains who need to be accommodated for.
<3
