I've been thinking about going to Heartland Howloween in Omaha, Nebraska. But I prolly won't go unless I find some folks to go with. If you're going let me know and maybe we can meet up!

Going to be visiting Orlando and Megaplex with a certain fella I've been becoming good friends with this year. If it's anywhere close to as fun as Texas Furry Fiesta was, this'll be a blast (literally XD)

I've been looking for a party to go to Texas Furry Fiesta for a while. But due to social anxiety I never asked anyone until this year.

I happened to mention that I'm a furry to my sister and she was chill about it. She even made herself a fursona too. Turns out one of her friends is a furry too :D. So I'm thinking we'll probably go in 2025.

Looking forward to it, since I've only seen a few fursuits in real life, but every time I do I'm excited. Its really a unique feeling for me. Definitely also want to see all the furry stuff TFF has to offer!

Hello world. I just wanted to announce that I'm working on a finally makin' my fursona after bein' on this site for 5 years now. Soon it will no longer be a moufflair placeholder image that I made a while back. I've had ideas floating around in my head for years, but never put pencil to paper. Recent events have convinced me it's time I stop just being an observer and join the fandom fur-real.

Not sure why I over reacted to that internship fair. I guess I just had an over inflated ego. Oh well, I'm here for the art not to blog and complain to this website. Probably a good idea to just ignore my last journal unless you really wanna read what an upset entitled college student had to say. I'll have to work on that.

I just returned to my house from an Internship Fair. I regret going. I considered not going. I decided to go after all.

Problem is that It basically just informed me of how useless I am as a human being. So for the record, I am a 20 year old Computer Science Major attending University. I work as a crew member at a Wendy's close to my parents house. Legitimately I still live in my parents house.

So yeah that's good and all, but I essentially found out that I have very little hope of actually ever achieving what I want in my life. Reason for that is that I don't know what it is. I just let people tell me what it is. Then I do what they want me to do. That's why I thought that it would be easier to get an internship. I thought that is what interns did. The truth in all this is that I'm actually very good at doing what people tell me to do. My parents told me, Lucas, get a high score on the SAT. So I did that. They told me, Lucas, get into college. So I did. They told me study something that you can get a job with. So I studied Computer Science. Makes sense, right?

But now, after this internship fair made me realize, wow everything I've done so far is legitimately useless in trying to get an internship. They don't care how well I did in school. They don't care about all of the goddamned classes I've taken in High School, College or elsewhere. They don't give a damn what my fucking GPA is. They just want me to know things. Things I legitimately do not care about.

This is what I mean:

The first recruiter at the internship fair I encountered asked me. "Hey, how are you."
I thought, "Well really freaking nervous," but I said, "I'm doing good, how are you."
He told me, "I'm fine my name is James."
I said, "My name is Lucas Meadows, and I'm a computer science major."
James inquired "Well do you have a resume?"
I thought, "Yes indeed I do, a shitty resume, but it does exist," but I said "Absolutely here you go."
So he looked at it and was like "well hmm nice, you are familiar with Python and Java, as well as some data structures and algorithms, care to elaborate?"
I thought, "Ohhh shit, what did I mean?" So I told him "Yeah, so I've studied Computer science using Java and Python since high school."
James pushed further with his question "What about these data structures and algorithms?"
I was flustered by these events that my foolish little brain should have anticipated, and yet it somehow didn't.
I told him "Um... well I mean like Insertion Sort and Selection Sort, those basic algorithms. You know, stuff you learn in data structures."
He was not impressed.
James said, "Yeah, sure stuff you learn in data structures."
As he said this my fucking leg started twitching. I thought "Well great this guy knows I'm useless now, might as well start dancing for all the chance that I have at this internship." Yet I stayed as composed as a flustered man with a twitching leg can.
James interrupted my internal discourse when he basically hit me with a bombshell, (Its not your hired BTW)
"So what are your computer science skills," he said.
I was like, "What?" I actually said that.
"What are you especially good at in computer science."
I thought, "Well here we go, time to make up some bullshit." I'm actually horrible at bullshitting too so this is most likely going to be painful for you professional bullshitters reading this. If anyone but me does read it.
"Yeah, so my most developed computer science skill has to be relating things using Object Oriented Programming."
James was confused, as any normal person would be, He asked "Could you provide an Example?"
I thought, "Fuck me, why am I talking to this dude still?" but I said, "Yeah so there was this time in Data Structures where we had to determine the best location of cities based on the location of water, so I implemented separate class for the cities that would allow them to place themselves in the optimal location."
James wanted more from me, He wasn't content with my BS. He asked me "Ok, sure, but how did these cities do this."
Now I know the answer is using an algorithm that solves the single source shortest path problem. I knew that at the time too. I just, being the fool that I am couln't fucking remember.
"So yeah there were methods in the city classes that I wrote that would do that."
He was like "Sure, BUT HOW did they do it..."
I basically gave him the same answer again.
James was clear done with this so he said, "So what kinda internship do you want?"
Despite being incredibly out of my presence of mind, I was actrually able to answer his question reasonably. You see, I wrote it down on the notebook in front of me. I said, "Yeah basically just testing and debugging. Maybe some programming."
He was not surprised one bit. James knew that was gonna be my answer.
So he started flooding me with information about how I would have to go about getting that kind of internship. I wrote it down.
I was eternally grateful to his kindness as I told him "Wow, thanks I'll keep that in mind FOR SURE," and I walked away.

END OF STORY

Yeah, so you can see how useless my education has been so far from that encounter I had with a potential employer. I love how I spent like $10,000 on it so far.

This finally ties into the title of this book. What do I want? Really...

The truth is something I'll have to decide soon. Pretty soon. I only have so many years of my life left...