When I was in elementary school I had to do a book report in my 5th grade class, I dreaded book reports at the time, but the book that I read for this one captivated me. I remember that I made a mobile as part of the project. I hung it from a hangar. I still don't know why their called mobiles, but whatever. Anyways, I want to find out what the title of this book is so that I can find it and read it. What made me think about this book was thinking about another book that I read when I was in 5th grade. I actually didn't finish this book, but I remember it was called "Tentacles." I also remember that it was the sequel to another book that took place in the Congo river and rain forest in Africa. This makes me think about other books that I read when I was in elementary school. Some of those books would be "Found", "The Horse and his Boy", "The Thing about Georgie", "The tale of Despereaux," and "The Last Battle." I'm feeling Nostalgia for these books, particularly Narnia books right now. Additionally, I remember something rather specific about "The Thing about Georgie." I remember there is a section in that book where they play the game 'the floor is lava'. Of course since they are kids this makes sense. I really ought to finish reading "The Brothers Karamazov." Been stuck in that book for months now, even though I promised my brother that I would read it about a year ago, when I was reading "Stranger in a Strange Land." I must not forget these things for they make me who I am.

The truth is life is meaningless. Its just many experiences that culminate in you. Sorry to burst your bubble buckaroo but your beliefs can't change reality. That reality being that life is meaningless.

Some people would say I have depression just because I think this way. Their lying to themselves just as I lie to myself everyday that my life actually means something more than existence. People that have depression are irrational. I am nothing but rational my thoughts guided by logic. I tell people that the reason I live is because there are people that love me, but why should that matter when all their lives are meaningless just as mine is.

Don't worry I'll return to the facade that I present to people soon. The facade I present to myself everyday. I know the truth. But what does the truth matter anyway when the lives we all live really don't. I'll go on living as the fool I am until I don't. And almost no one will care.

Damn I cannot comprehend this show. What the heck is happening. Its time to do some research so I actually understand whats going on in this show.

Man I'm jealous of people who can can openly express their sexuality. Its true I am. I consider myself to be gay, but I really feel like I can't express it anywhere except where I am anonymous. It is a choice honestly but it is a difficult choice. I choose not to express it because I believe that my friends and family will think about me differently, since that part of my identity will dominate their perception of me. I am also slightly worried that my parents will not let me live in their house anymore if they knew. I am especially concerned about my father since not too long ago he made comments to me about how he doesn't understand how my generation is so accepting of homosexuality and that he is glad that none of his children are. Specifically he talked about how there is something wrong with one of my uncles' genetics because two of his sons are gay. It really does worry me that someone will find out. So I usually dodge the question or say that I don't know when anyone asks me anything about my sexual orientation.
I want to start dating, but obviously I can't really do that without inevitably being asked questions about it. So I'm kinda stuck with being the guy who doesn't know what he's attracted to at 21. Which to be honest I really didn't until I was almost 19 because of how I repressed any feelings of attraction I had when I was in high school because of the culture of my high school and because I simply had to focus pretty hard on my classwork then. Man its gonna be hard to tell people when I finally do find a suitable partner and my parents are still around. But life is pretty much always about overcoming some kind of adversity and challenges so I will cross that bridge when I come to it so to speak. I really hope I'm wrong about how I think they will react.

I'd rather you not judge me be what kind of yiff art I look at. If you do know my real name, don't mention it please. And don't talk to me about this account in real life. I don't want to hear it. I try to keep this separate from me and my eventual fursona (doesn't exist yet.) Feel free to message me as long as you follow those guideline though. Thanks.

I'm gonna start making my favorites list more PG-13 rather than X at this point. I feel that after 10 months of using this website the influence of pornographic images on me has started to dwindle, and that for the most part I have matured in my taste. I would say the reason that the original appeal was the pornography on this website, since I had no experience with it until I was 19. Kinda sad I missed out for so long, but nonetheless its not as important to me anymore, so the artwork I favorite will more often than not be not pornographic. I'm not saying that I will never favorite pornography anymore, just that it really doesn't impress me as much as it used to a few months ago. This is mainly for me since I'm like 99% sure I'm gonna be the only person reading this. If you do end up reading it I'd be curious to know so go ahead and leave a comment on any of my journals. Later, my future self...

P.S. League of Legends is starting to feel more like a chore than anything else at this point. I've been stuck in Platinum 4-5 since March. I hope that I can overcome this feeling that and actually improve and get to Diamond maybe. I doubt it at this point since I've been stuck for so long. I better keep looking for more videos and keep practicing if I want to have any hope of getting to Diamond.

Late at night on the 26th of March 2018, I went downstairs to get some snacks. When I returned to my room upstairs, I noticed a strange beeping sound. At first it seemed regular, consistent, if you will. Naturally, I was worried by this, so I attempted to locate the source of it. I searched my brother's room, the game room, and I even went downstairs and searched the study to see if I could find its source or someone who could help me identify it. No such luck. It only seemed to grow weaker as I went further from the stairs.
Then, as I attempted to find anything that could be making the sound near the stairs, the beeping sound slowly started to become more and more irregular with its frequencies, and just as slowly it began to increase in volume, but never deviating in its middle pitch, possibly about 200 hertz. At one point it sounded like Morse code but, when I interpreted it the code appeared to be utter nonsense: aljfexb STOP edxeitas STOP. And then it just started beeping rapidly, about 5 or 6 times a second, with 2 to 3 second intervals of silence. Thoroughly creeped out, I retreated to my room. To this day, I have no clue what that sound was.

Update March 28,

At least I know I'm not insane now, I'm not the only person who could hear it. I asked my brother if he could hear a beeping noise in that place since he spends alot of his time hanging out in his room early in the morning (think 2 am), and he told me that he could, but he still didn't know what it was.

I always wanted to record some kind of journal (or 'diary' if you will) where I record my feelings thoughts and things. Nothing to personal, but personal enough, that I don't want to think about my family reading it or something. This journal is really just for me, but if someone else I don't know gets a kick out of reading it good for them.

So today is September 9, 2017. I graduated high school 3 months ago amazingly. (I'm not really 21 btw just said that so I could have a fake birthday that was on a leap year). You can probably guess my age. I wish I was still in high school. For one thing, I still had friends in high school. Only my closest friends can I contact now. Secondly, I liked the atmosphere of high school, especially as a senior. Lastly, (and here's the kicker) because of misinformation, procrastination, and my focus completely on my grades, i missed deadlines for applications to colleges, and consequently missed out on a lot of scholarships. I graduated ranked 18 out of 600 or so (1460 SAT, 32 ACT), and all my hard work really meant nothing except that I can get into any public university I want, but no financial aid. I'm kinda glad though, because I really didn't want to go away to college, and now I don't have to. I can go to a college that is really close, UHCL. They aren't too expensive, even though I know I'm not getting any scholarships of the bat. I can't apply for any of them, because they require that you be a high school senior, which I no longer am. Fortunately, I find it likely that I will get scholarships once I start college in January. In the very least when I transfer to UH main campus I will get scholarships, because if college is anything like high school (and I'm sure it is), I will excel at it. I certainly will at least do well.

Woo, glad I finally got that off my chest. If only I could tell my parents that I know I'm not getting any scholarships. Then I would be guilt free.

After searching for 3 months, I finally got a job at Wendy's as a crew member. So far I'm enjoying it pretty well. This way I can save for college much more efficiently than saving the monthly allowances my parents were giving me XD. Over the past like 11 years I've been saving my allowances in a savings account, and its at a total of $3500 or so. So that should cover my first semester, and if I really work my tail off (why do I have to write puns), then I can maybe pay for my second semester with my Wendy's job. I really don't want to get into debt. Like that's my number one priority. I'm going to be studying computer science, so at least that's a profitable field, but I won't allow my self into debt, NO WAY!

I really should start writing programs in java and python again. 3 months off is really gonna mess with my memory of their syntaxes. I had a friend in high school named Isaac who told me C++ was a really good language to learn, so I might work on that too.

As for entertainment right now. I've pretty much just been watching Sonic X on Youtube, and trying so goddamn hard to get into Gold rank in League of Legends. Feeder's and people who shouldn't be in Silver have caused me to go from Silver I with 59 lp all the way down to Silver III with 75 lp. I won't let them get me down though. I will get there before November!

Well that's really all I got to say, so later.