So, it was my birthday recently. completely forgot about it this year as I did the year before.
while I was younger, I used to look forward to it. now, I sigh as it comes and goes, and hope, pray and wish that everyone else has a better year.
its not easy to get older and looking back over the years and see only incremental improvement, if at all, I am much happier sharing the happiness others have, and the joy they have, as much as I feel sorrowful when they have awful weeks, not just days. it's partly why I want for them to not look at their birthdays as I do cause I feel everyone else deserves far better.

Happy birthday to me. and warm wishes.

I know I don't post much, mostly out of social phobia ^^", but also, never sure what to post.
Therefore, Wishing everyone a belated Merry Christmas and a happy Boxing day, and a happy new year.

I don't usually update what I'm up to or what my projects are, for many reasons, one of them is a lack of anything furry related, outside online stuff. I am finding it hard to adjust to a completely online life, and I'm looking forward to when things can go back to past-normal.

I'd like to believe that I have grown a bit since the last time I posted, and am happy to say that, things are pretty great, minus the obvious that we all share. I've learned to not be so expectant from others, and it's made a world of a difference to how I react to ppl.

In any case, only thing to add would be, stay safe all, and get plenty of sunlight

My time in Massachusetts was less scary tan I initially thought, I was disappointed that I didn't do more when I was there, but I am glad I went and my time at ANE (Anthro New England Con) was the usual ups and downs, one up, was the re-connection between friends that was broken after my last visit, my position has not changed with the involved partied, but I was glad to return home with all my past mistakes partially fixed.

The flight back home was one of appreciation for everyone I met, and interacted with. My hostess had packed for me a lovely flight meal, as on the way to the US my flights got re routed through Charles De Gaulle airport, a rather windy confusing place, that if you don't have enough time, you'd get lost easily in.
I noticed more and more ppl were wearing masks, and thought it was mere paranoia.
now here I am 2 months later, and I've been keeping occupied with house cleaning, which isn't my favorite thing to do, but if I'm going to be locked up in here, I guess a little cleaning isn't so bad ^^.
I find that dealing with depression, has been difficult thing to deal with when I can't just go outside, and go for a walk through the woods, or city, or meet up with my friends as I could before.
So I am asked, why is this so bad? after all, "you usually spend all your time hiding in your room", whats changed? I finally get back from the states, feeling ready to tackle my issues... and I land up locked in my house.
If it wasn't for the wonderful friends connected by the internet? this might be less manageable, what are your thoughts?

Wishing all, stay healthy, stay safe, and we will get through this together.

Sadly my last post was after I had suffered from the influenza virus that was going around and it seriously placed me in a deep depression.
I have fully recovered, and am excited once again to head out to ANE this year.
This will be my second con and I'm quite excited to get there and meet all the friends I made last year.
Borrowing an idea of faq's from my friend :userorpus: I'm borrowing their list as it's not a bad one :3

Where are you staying? Park Plaza Hotel

Who are you rooming with? I've asked my friend Vekex Fox, to join me at the hotel, in exchainge for breakfast X3

Who will you be with? I'm hoping to meet many of the Friends I made last year,  kingwolfy25,  traysandor, just to name the few I know on FA.

Relationship status? Taken, but open.

What is your gender? Male

What languages do you speak? English, Hebrew

Are you nice?
I hope so ^^" I do my best to be.

Will you be suiting?
Hah! I wish I could afford a suit X3

How will I recognize you?
I guess if I was that interesting... I guess by my lanyard, with the badges on them.

Can I hug you?
I love hugs, and am quite happy to offer them myself.

Can I buy you lots of drinks?
Seriously? this is a question?

Can I hang out with you?
I'd be honored. I usually feel like an extrovert at cons

Where will you be most of the time during the con?
Maybe the mezzanine? or my room likely.

Attending any events?
Dunno what the events are yet, but, I know that the organizers of ANE pack in far more activities than there is time in the day.

Are you doing anything in line with the theme?
Yeah, I am putting together a 20's look, as that's the con's theme, roaring 20's

How can I find you at the con?
look for my badge, but if you plan on going and want to meet up you could hit me up with a telegram post, and see from there

If I see you, how should I get your attention?
"Hi Mozi" as in mosey along. it's part of how I got my nickname from my Sister

What's your goal for the con this year?
Honestly? to spread my wings in an environment that lacks the usual judge mentality.

It's been a while since I have what to talk about. most of my life is usually battling one social anxiety over the next, I'm feel like I'm always on eggshells and that one wrong word and I'm hit right back in my cage. a kinda proverbial prison in the mind, where i wait to be healed from the stinging rejections.
I am finding that a lot of the fears behind left leaning furries did not lead to the ostracization I was expecting, yet I still am waiting for the hypothetical bomb to go off.
And now? I'm going to Anthro New England, and I must admit, I am half excited, half terrified. I should know it'll be fine and I'll have a blast. and yet, I'm always scared of opening my mouth and insta blocked off. it's quite horrid and crippling to live with this as a constant fear.
Maybe this trip will help?
Maybe I'll achieve something in my life?
maybe it'll be a clusterfuck that'll make sure I never visit the US again?

All this and more on the horizon.
I hope this will go well.

So after some time thinking, I felt now is as good a time as any to give my thoughts on the con as a whole.
To be honest, overall it was a great experience for a first timer, however, I hope to offer future first timers to adopt this advice.

This post is mostly aimed at introverts, but extroverts can still enjoy it.

Firstly, expect to be blown away by the size of the venue,

(I would recommend to socially incomparable ppl to try the smaller cons first, as there are less ppl to get lost in.)

weather its bigger or smaller than you'd hoped, you have a good chance of meeting really lovely ppl, both working there, and moseying around. It is very likely, there's going to be some famous furry, you're quite clueless about,

(if you don't have that issue, and do know to whom you're talking to, and are feeling overwhelmed? stop it, they drink, breath and yeah, use the toilet like everyone else. and usually are great to talk with, if they aren't over burdened already, or heading back to their rooms)

{why bring this up? cause not everyone takes into consideration what the other person is feeling, and my overall issue with group gatherings in general.}

I try my best to be thoughtful when meeting other ppl, furries however is a different experience, it felt so easy to just walk up to ppl, offer them a drink, or ask for a picture, see how they are and if they needed anything, most introverts would look on with wonder at how easy it is to do. and for myself, I felt uncharacteristically extroverted, as everyone I met, was suffering from one mental issue, or physical issues, and were understanding of what it feels like to talk with what appears to be judgemental ppl irl, and were just nodding their heads when I mention my issues and offered their advice if I wanted it.

I found the artists were very grateful to make a sale, and not treating you as if they are doing you a favor. (something that was very common in my home country not less than 10 years ago.) and are not only approachable, but very kind and understanding ppl who can create one reality in our reality.

The Security staff were made up of ppl like you or I, and they did their best to keep ppl from accessing areas sooner than later, which annoys some ppl or others try to slip in anyway, cause they want sommit, and then complain that they aren't allowed in.
Most ppl though, will walk away until the correct time, nothing more than a shrug.
Some, like to bring ppl on guard, food or/and drink, as it's imo, a rather thankless task, and a good way to show appreciation. you get to know ppl around the con, and don't need to stay in your room alone.

Approaching ppl is hard. it helps when I give a purpose to being somewhere, as no one will usually tell you "you don't belong" unless the person is having a crappy day, or security needs you to move along, I try to face these situations by making sure, I know the rules, and where I can and cant be before hand, as for ppl who are in a grumpy/caustic mood? Better to offer em something to drink or eat, usually disarms them, if not, don't take anything said or done personally, cause it usually isn't, and it's a waste of tears and frustration, no matter how strongly one feels about it.

When going to a con, I went with someone who's able to stay with me when I felt low, and had the time to give me, this help was invaluable, when I was sobbing in my room? It was unbelievable how having someone at your back, really makes it better quicker.
Likewise, I did my best to not leave my introverted friends in their rooms, no matter how much they resisted, I took em out for an hour or two to help mitigate the crushing feeling of "I don't belong" and I hope it helps them to feel free enough to interact. This didn't always work, and I would try again differently, as every person needs their own tailored interaction to help them learn to feel less of an outsider, and more a member of the pride.
Now, not everyone can do this ofc, and it requires giving up time dancing and partying, however, not everyone wants to do those activities, and instead of hiding in a room, feeling alone and rejected, when I asked around? half the ppl at the con had this issue, and is a common issue at cons, I'm told.
Not recommending ppl go door to door looking for loners, but, listening out for them, cause it's odd, how much a little help, can help someone elevate their lives, and that's what I hope to advise.

Going up to complete strangers and starting a conversation is incredibly hard for an introvert, most, I discovered, used their fursuits to solve that issue, similar to how on stage, I am not Mozi, but a different character, and if you hate the character, it's not me you're hating.
So, does that make fursuits a must at furcons? eeeeeeeh no. just being yourself, and not taking everything to heart, is hard for a lot of ppl, especially me. I had to work in it to succeed at letting the crap ppl through, fall next to me, instead of diving to get as much of it on my face as possible, as I had done in the past. to quote a good friend, why bother worrying about someone who's going to forget you in 3 days? annd here I am, almost 4 months later, and anyone I've had a hard time with? never seen them again. so I guess I'll just let that go too, for peace of mind.

It's not easy, sure. but I will try to help out to the best of my abilities when it's asked.

Hi chaps,

So, this is my first time posting anything about myself online, that wasn't more than a couple of short sentences.
I like to say that I was invited to attend ANE (Anthro New England) by a furry that usually attended it in the past, and that in the first place, I was only visiting the states because I was visiting family and friends that I hadn't seen in a long time and who could not come and visit me.

my trip started in Florida, where I met some old family and first started to talk with some of the furries going to ANE via a whole link of groups thanks to my furry friend, and I landed up talking to some of them for a bit, and met a fox called Tom (name changed), Tom was suffering from anxiety, deep depression and a secret that he was terrified of ppl knowing, to which I explained that I had gone through something similar, and that I had gone through a stream of useless therapists, unintentionally apathetic family members and a few suicide attempts, at that time, I felt pretty un-welcomed, I felt I was unpopular, I felt paranoia to the point where I was convinced that the world would manage much better without me, that insults were hurled at me in some sort of sick joke to hasten me to top myself, it wasn't till my best friend, later bf, pushed me to try one more time, that I found some therapists, one psychologist and one psychiatrist, that were not only able to help me out, and kicked my butt to do it, but actually do a 180 and start improving my life, start actually wanting to live again.

it's really not easy to write all this, the stigma I faced from just myself against psychiatric help, was one that was hard to fight off. and i was surprised to find that someone else was suffering from something I wished no other person should have to go through.
Quickly realizing the similarities, I chatted with this fox, for weeks before the con, and stayed by his side, for a large part of the con, sometimes missing panels I really wanted to attend, but, then, as now, All I wanted was to help spare Tom, the pain and suffering that I did, and taught him some things I learned at DBT (Didactic Behavioral Therapy) to help deal with the depression, and the strong feelings of despair that made it hard for me to function as a person.
I started pointing out that the one question that I ask myself when I have something social hit me, (cause my social skills were all learned recently, and I have\had terrible social phobia, that were easier to manage thanks to DBT) and that was, what are the facts in my life? why am I feeling this way? why am I letting this bother me? why do I think that this is a personal attack? and is it really personal?

I learned I needed to be more precise in my statements, and tried to see if, and where, misunderstandings are, just by asking the other person to pls provide context when I felt I was overthinking things, and learned to my surprise, I was just over thinking things, cause the person never meant what they said to come off as hurtful or bigoted, or just, anti-semitic/anti-Israeli as I had grown to fear finding on the web, especially when I came across some furries who I felt were very disrespectful of my practices, for one reason or another, usually cause they had no idea it was seriously coming off as disrespectful, and this was from fur's of my own nation.

I shared in some of my other techniques and pointed out, that from my perspective, far from his friends trying to abandon him, instead, I pointed out that they have dragged him into their room, to keep a closer eye on him, and that the thought that his friends were trying to ditch him, had no facts to stand on, and to let them go.

Needless to say that Tom seams to be feeling better, and I'm grateful I could help, sadly, I stepped on a lot of peoples toes, and am still cringing from it, as even when I unintentionaly hurt one furry at ANE, that realization sent me to my hotel room to wet the mattress from crying so long and hard. yet some ppl think i actually want to hurt them, is an accusation that I am truly terrified of, cause I've been on the reviving end of hate, and had a hard time being ostracized for a rumor that was not only a distortion of the facts, but one that kept me away from other kids growing up, as their parents didn't want me near their kids.

In short, ANE was the first place I was in, where everyone admitted to me that yeah, they've gone through similar crap, and yeah, they don't want to be jerks either, and yeah, it's awesome that an Israeli furry has come to their con, was some of the things that contributed to my visit at ANE, be one of the most special.