Via  vehliayn

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/7308760/

Venerit is an acquaintance, but a rather nice person from the couple of times I got dragged into calls with her. Check it out.

Well, it's been almost a year, with a LOT of changes, so I figured I'd try this again.

== Results from http://bdsmtest.org/ ==
97% Dominant
96% Daddy/Mommy
82% Rigger
81% Master/Mistress
80% Brat Tamer
75% Owner
66% Voyeur
61% Vanilla
60% Degrader
55% Experimentalist
53% Primal (Hunter)
51% Ageplayer
47% Exhibitionist
41% Sadist
41% Switch
21% Non-monogamist
12% Submissive
5% Primal (Prey)
5% Rope Bunny
5% Girl/Boy
5% Pet
4% Brat
2% Degradee
2% Slave
2% Masochist
See my results online at http://bdsmtest.org/result.php?id=1078994

So, the last time I put stuff here, I had moved to Seattle.

Then, my job decided to stop paying me. Well, everyone. I blew through my savings in hopes that they would pay us again, and when that ran out, I had to move to Spokane with a Very Old Friend. It was wonderful and horrible at the same time.

Now, though? I have a new job, and have moved back to the Bay area. I live down in San Jose, and my work is at Embarcadero, so the transit's going to be incredibly painful, but I have some good friends, a significant shift in my outlook on life, and overall just... ready to kick some serious butt.

I'm in Seattle! Well, just north of Seattle downtown. Specifically, about 10 minutes of driving north of the University district.

Life's going to get settled a bit, and I'm gonna be broke as fuck for a while, but it's a good start to a new life. I get to define it based on what I want, and that is both awesome and scary.

Thanks to all of my friends who have helped me keep sane(ish) during all of this. <3

Hotel?
Grand Sierra

Arrival/Departure
Leaving Thursday morning from Berkeley.

Means of transportation
Car!

Sharing a room with
Nobody! BEAR HAS HIS OWN ROOM.

Who do you hang out with?
Probably  OutlandishStudios and  reidragon at least.

Gender?
Male

How old are you?
35

Do you have a dealer table?
Do I look talented to you? Besides, nobody pays for writing.

Do you take commissions?
If someone would pay for writing. :D

Do you do trades?
Certainly!

Are you a Fursuiter?
Alas, no. I will have bear ears on, tho.

Attending parties?
Uh... If I'm invited, maybe.

Do you drink?
Not so much

Can I buy you a drink?
I'd have to know you first. Besides, nobody buys the bear drinks.

Do you smoke?
Cloves, or vape.

Are you attending any panels?
I will be running one! A Bear's Guide to Getting Into the Game Industry.

How do I identify my self to you?
"MISTER TAM OMG HI". Signal before hugs.

How can I find you?
Fat guy with blue hair in the front, and bear ears.

Can I talk to you?
Most likely, unless I'm being dragged somewhere.

Can I give you lots of money?
Make it raaaain~

Can I give you stuff?
Maybe?

Can I hug you?
Signal first.

Can I come to dinner with you?
Maybe? Depends on who else is dragging me around.

Can I hang out with you?
If we get along, probably.

Can I take your picture?
Who the hell would take a picture of me? The answer is "unless I know you personally, I'd rather not".

Personality Type?
A silly old bear. Kind, lewd.

What's your goal for the con this year?
Make some friends!

On my 18th birthday, at 4:30 AM, I packed up all of my worldly possessions in my car, reviewed the tattered remains of my old life and, and, with a wing and a prayer, drove up north to a place I hadn't been to, to live with people I didn't know. It was exhilarating, scary and profoundly stupid to do. My years in Detroit were pretty harrowing, but I bent and took everything in stride.

I did not break.

Two months before my 36th birthday, I will pack all of my worldly possessions in my car, review the tattered remains of my old life and, with a wing and a prayer, drive up north to a place I've been once, to live with a generous couple for a short while before finding a more permanent place. It's exhilarating, scary and, some would say, quite a gamble.

I'm older now. Some would say wiser, although I chalk it up to making all the easy mistakes early. I know how low one can be pushed. I've seen what it's like to fall. I've seen the ground, and narrowly avoided it many, many times through sheer luck. I'm not as flexible as I was as a kid. It was easy to jump when I didn't know how far down it went. I know now.

I pray I bend.

I pray I do not break.

____

I cried tonight.

I didn't cry at my wedding, even though my heart was full of absolute joy.

According to my first wife, I only cried once that she saw. My current ex found me on the porch, sobbing my eyes out, and she was unnerved.

I haven't cried for a decade, but I cried tonight.

I don't know what the future holds, but I am finally opening my eyes to see what I've left behind. Let's hope that this time, I do better.

As I said before, I'm doing a panel at BLFC: "A Bear's Guide to Getting Into the Game Industry".

Are there any topics you all would want to see covered? My slides are going to be pretty barebones (because I'm SO not an artist), and I have a bunch of topics I want to hit, but I could always use more feedback.

So far, it's:

What positions are available, and what they do
Indie vs AAA
Networking, Social Media and Social Issues
School vs No School

Any others?

Because let's face it, I don't have a lot of outlets, and I gotta let it out SOMEWHERE.

The ex wife and ex girlfriend were up until 2 AM. Between the moans, giggling and laughing, I simply could not sleep. They apologized this morning, but it's damn obvious that I'm definitely not wanted here, and every gasp is a reminder of both what I could have had and what I hadn't had for over a year. Self worth? Gonna have to just find a shell to hide in until I get out of here, otherwise I will get self destructive.

And that isn't good.

I'm moving after BLFC, to Seattle. Gonna room with old friends for a couple of months while I wait to see if another friend is going to have a place to live, or if I need to find a room to rent. Links to Seattle related fur things would be lovely, and if any of you are up there, bear could use some nearby friends to play games with.

Because only a few people read this, so it's kind of my "safe place"...

First: WOO ONE MONTH TO BLFC. I'm looking forward to hanging out with people and generally chilling, and I really need to start on getting the powerpoint presentation set up, huh? *chuckle*

Second: I'm on the way to divorce. It's not a bad thing - the girlfriend who moved in with us to do the triad thing and her hit it off incredulously well, and wife has discovered that no, she's lesbian, really. Which is funny because I've been telling her since she opened up our relationship to GO DATE A DAMN WOMAN. So those two are sleeping in the bed and having orgasm competitions and I'm sleeping on the pull-out couch until I can figure out my next step. It's totally amicable - I still love them, they love me, but me being there is just not going to work.

As an aside, after all of this, I think I've discovered that I'm not poly. I can ogle and adore and flirt with people all day long, but my heart really only has room for one person. I gave it a serious try, and that's just... how I roll.

Oh, and my new job is going pretty well. It's remote, which gives me a fair bit of freedom in terms of where to live, but I definitely need high speed internet to get stuff done. I should be getting a work laptop here soon, which will truly free me from using my gaming desktop as my work machine, and stuff.

So... Bear might need a few extra hugs over the following month or so. Suggestions as to where to live are also welcome.

Just removing that (rather depressing, now) story from the front, as a certain cow and I are no longer together.

This begs the question... Do people read this? Should I talk about stuff here? It'd be nice to start keeping some sort of journal, but I'd hate to clog people's messages if they're uninterested.

Oh, and I'll be doing at panel at BLFC this year. "A Bear's Guide to Getting Into the Game Industry". It'll be fun, but I wonder who the hell is doing the "Game Industry 101" panel... I MUST FIGHT THEM.

Another one. This one, around 900ish words. You're going to notice in the next couple of stories that someone features prominently, so apologies in advance.

_______

Neon lights proclaimed “Maple’s Revue”, one of the flashier lights on the strip. Some would say that the purveyor, Sarah Maple, The Salacious Bovine, had the sharpest eye for entertainment of all kinds and that her stage was the place of legends. On Thursdays, she would take the stage, entertaining anyone of age with her wit, sensual dances and, it was whispered, so much more. There were many empty rooms at Maple’s Revue, but they were rarely quiet by the end of the night.

Outside the neon lights and typically found standing guard in front of the door, day or night, was a bear in a newsboy cap, a trench coat and a scowl that could set most anyone’s knees knocking. His broad shoulders, quick thinking and ability to take a hit made him one of the better bouncers on the strip, and his signature blue hair dyed in the front made sure that anyone causing trouble in front of Maple’s Revue knew exactly who they were dealing with. Tam wasn’t the tallest or the meanest or even the most menacing bouncer, but the few that tested him found their way home with a handful of their own teeth and a slight limp for a solid week.

And woe betide anyone that actually accosted Miss Maple - it only happened once, according to the police. Tam was called in from the front on his phone when one of the attendants saw Sarah crumpled against the door of her special suite. The three gentlemen Tam had asked to leave were literally thrown twenty feet into the air. They landed in a pile, on the other side of the street, as the bear barred the entrance and stormed his way inside.

Tam bounced to Maple’s private quarters, his single-minded stare scaring the other workers who normally saw him as a kind-hearted brethren who kept them safe. The attendant who radioed him said she saw his heart break when he saw Maple’s crumpled form. He glowered at the attendant. “Who did this?” His voice was coarse as sandpaper.
“He’s still inside,” she whispered.

Sarah looked up. Her busted lip was still bleeding slightly and the bruises on her shapely form were only beginning to show. She was wearing her subservient attire - a few ropes and a collar, with enough cloth to cover her sensitive areas, but it was clear the cow and her clothes were roughly treated. The bear walked purposefully to her and knelt, putting his paws on her shoulders.

“Are you okay, Sarah?”

“Y-yes, a little… no. No I’m not,” she whispered as she started to break down. He took off his jacket and covered her with it. She squeezed it against herself as she let herself go and cried.

The attendant didn’t catch the last exchange they had, but she did follow him into the mistress’ room, after the bear entered. She said she could hear a strange, loud voice, with slurred words - “I paid for a quality whore, and all I got was this cow. Didn’t last an hour! Now… what kind of place would do that to me?”

As she peeked in, she recognized the other person in the room - Kindred, a jackal kick boxer of ill repute. He had been kicked out of a number of other bars and entertainment houses, but a ban on blackballing customers by the city meant he could come and go as he pleased, as long as he wasn’t in jail.

The bear cracked his knuckles. “Kin,” he spat through clenched teeth, “You have long overstayed your welcome.”
“And what’re you gonna do there, little bear? Huh?” The jackal bounced on he heels of his footpads in excitement. “You think you’re gonna kick me out?” His voice turned dark, and his eyes gleamed darkly. “I’m not leaving until I’m satisfied, so you’d better send in a few more girls before I get agitated.”

Tam moved with surprising speed. The bear dashed forward, prompting a front kick from the jackal, aimed at the bear’s midsection. He took the hit with a grunt, but his hands were already on the hyena’s foot and one of his legs kicked forward. The bear’s foot hooked behind the jackal’s knee and pulled towards the bear, sending Kindred off balance and headed towards the floor.

The jackal twisted to land squarely on the floor, then reached back and pushed himself towards the bear and thrust his other foot at him. It connected, knocking the bear backwards and loosening his grip, freeing the rabid kick boxer. Kindred stumbled to his feet before he launched himself at the bear, fist first.
A furry paw met the jackal’s strike. Tam spun sideways as he grasped the arm with one paw, and pulled the kick boxer forward. The bear’s other arm grabbed the jackal’s elbow and thrust him downward. The jackal hit the floor, pinned by his arm.

The attendant refused to describe what happened next, but the medical report was incredibly specific about the damages. The bear sustained a black eye and abdominal bruising. Kindred suffered a dislocated shoulder, four broken ribs, a shattered knee, a broken nose and a concussion. According to the doctor, he will not be able to fight again, and it will be months before he can walk.

After being discharged, the bear was last seen at Sarah’s house. The Revue reopened a week later. Tam resumed his work bouncing, and Sarah has received rave reviews for the entertainment she brings, as well as the safety measures that weren’t implemented - all they need is a bear.

For the two people that will inevitably stumble on this...

== Results from http://bdsmtest.org/ ==
78% Switch
75% Master/Mistress
71% Dominant
71% Experimentalist
70% Multiplayer
65% Bondage giver
57% Degradation giver
53% Fetishist
39% All-rounder
35% Sadist
35% Submissive
27% Slave
25% Pervert
22% Vanilla
21% Degradation receiver
19% Masochist
17% Bondage receiver

See my results online at http://bdsmtest.org/result.php?id=25380

I figure I'll post shorter stories here in the journal, for feedback, critique and stuff. They're not worth wasting an entire submission over for something barely 400 words, you know?

This is a short zombie story, featuring certain people in my life. None are named, but if you know me, you probably know them. I figure they'll forgive me.

_____

The brown bear’s left fist punctured the face cleanly. His knuckles, drenched in blood, pushed past the back of the skull of the last zombie and, with a grunt, he pulled his hand free. The now-decapitated creature slumped to the ground. “That’s the last of them!” He wiped his hand on the wall as he tried to keep his usual ensemble clean - jeans and a sleeveless t-shirt.

Outside, the sounds of shuffling and moaning were punctuated with the occasional piercing shriek. The bear peeked out the living room window from the simple two bedroom apartment, owned by the badger and panda couple who were hip deep in drawers.

“Where’s my sword? Or the knives?” The panda shrieked. Her shirt was caked red in blood, as were her jeans. The plastic guitar she clutched in her hand was in tatters. Black plastic pieces and electronic parts were embedded in the zombie near her feet - the remnants of the pizza delivery fox. He had just delivered their pizza.

The badger upended another drawer, growling. “I can’t find them! Did we sell those or lose them in the move?” His t-shirt and shorts were pristine, the dust from digging through the bedroom notwithstanding. “I bet our roomie had it. Doesn’t he have an arsenal in there or something?”

Behind the bear, a waifish cow girl shivered quietly in the chair. Her tight jeans and shirt were protected by an oversized bright hoodie. Her eyes scanned the room over and over, looking for any sign of a breach in the defenses,
One of the shelves in the room, damaged from the previous attack, started its ascent to a horizontal state with a loud creak. The badger glanced upward and quickly jumped back, putting his rump through the coffee table. His crotch narrowly avoided the sword display that was sitting atop the bookshelf as it tumbled to the ground with a loud thud. The cow jumped and screamed until the bear bellowed, “Shut up!”.

Silence reigned.

The bear peeked out the window again. A mutilated, bleeding paw smashed its way through the glass and grab the bear by the arm.”Get it off, get it off!” yelled the bear as he jerked backward. The badger stumbled and grabbed the shortest blade from the ground.

“Hold on, Tam!”

The blade was raised, then lowered. The arm came off, and the bear fell backwards, landing on the couch.
“They’re coming - about a half dozen of them.”

Hello, everyone! I figure I may as well expound a bit on how I do tarot readings.

The most important thing I feel I should point out that is brought up a lot when discussing tarot: it is more than just "telling you the future". When you get a tarot reading, you are less looking at a map to your life and more getting a look down the road a bit. The act of looking into the future changes it, which is pretty important to remember: things change.

Life is fluid. Life changes. Using tarot isn't locking you into some kind of destiny - that's already been nailed down, if the cards are pointing to it. Let's face it - there are things you CAN change, and other things that are going to be inevitable. A good tarotist can look at a card set and tell you if the incoming pain is unavoidable. At that point, it's not so much about evading it so much as finding ways to soften the blow. Don't blame the cards - at least they gave you something resembling a heads-up.

You also need to ask a specific question, detailing a single avenue.

Good questions:

* What will happen if I take this new job?
* What about my love life with ___?
* If I do ___, how will it affect my ___ life?

Bad questions:

* What if I do ___ or ___? <- this is two questions, with potential conflicting information.
* What exactly will happen if I ___? <- Tarot isn't specific.

I hope this has helped illuminate some of my techniques and finer points on how I do tarot.

I'll put up another story! Really! But first, I have to graduate. Starting at 9 PM tonight my time, I will be on my last class - the "assemble your crap and make a portfolio, no really" class.

And then, in four weeks, I will be done with school and have a sweet bachelor's degree coming my way. There may be a party after this.

I'm contemplating submitting some furry work to places to see if I can join the Furry Writer's Guild. Don't know if it's seeing much use these days, but having another avenue to pursue paid writing is always a good thing.

http://www.furrywritersguild.com/ho.....join-the-guild

Soon, in this space, will be a series of short stories (as I write them) of characters in a world like ours. I hope they'll be interesting - it'll be a chance for me to try a few different styles and voices in my short stories.

[edit] Also, damn if I don't need to get a cool little icon thing up here. Have to add that to the list...