I'm making chocolate scented disinfectant spray for fursuits. Hope this works.

I'm making fursuit disinfectant! What scents would you be interested in?

I have five slots open for $10 zombie badges. $2 shipping, though if you plan to attend Tail, the PS, or Califur, I can deliver by hand. Note me or comment for information!

1. Open
2. Open
3. Open
4. Open
5. Open

Thinking of doing $5 badge commissions. $2 extra if you want it printed, laminated, and shipped to you. It's been a long time since I've done art, and this sounds like some fun. Any takers? I might do digital, but more than likely it'll be traditional.

I was going through my faves, and found some art by someone who used to be a great friend. We had a falling out, they said I "knew what I had done" while to this day, I still don't know why they were angry at me. But it's taken being in several toxic relationships to realize, that friendship was toxic as fuck.

They'd ask me to wake up at 2am to get onto Second Life so they could yell at me, and leave me, rather than just texting me when something was wrong. I was constantly blamed for everything that went wrong, even when it was in their real life and I was nowhere near them. I just...

It took me a while to realize this. And sadly, even now, I want to go ask them for forgiveness and try being their friend again.

Even though I know nothing was my fault.

And I know it's a horrible relationship idea.

But sometimes you just can't shake that longing, you know? I have a few of those. They hooked me good, these toxic people. Guess I'm just easy to push over.

SoCal furries, there's going to be a valentine's day party on February 12! Click the link below for details!

https://scontent-ort2-1.xx.fbcdn.ne.....mp;oe=59074CF4

I'm trying to work on finishing Serif's fursuit, and I'm stuck on paws. Anyone open for commissions or know someone who is, that might be able to do the pointy shape that Serif has for hands?

We are open for "Little Me" doll commissions! Please refer to our "T.o.S. and F.A.Q" page located here:
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5612912/

And feel free to send either account a message, or an email to "muddledesigns@gmail.com"

Hello everyone! I have a yarn tail for sale!

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13044875/

Take a look, it's gotta go.

I really really need conventions, shows, fairs, anything, to sell at.
Please if you know a place that still has open tables for 2014 let me know somehow. I need to get started on selling at conventions and the like.

Quick poll!

Fox, or giraffe?

So it's too late for me to get a table at Califur (More like too last-second) so I was wondering if there are any conventions in California, Arizona, or Nevada that still have open dealer tables for 2014?
I'm thinking of going to FC. But I'm looking for more places as well.

I have a few tails I want to sell, and am not sure where people buy things now. I'm thinking of listing them on Etsy. Do furries buy tails off Etsy?

You may or may not know what's going on here.
If you don't, I suggest you leave it that way.

For the time being, I will still be checking FA and trying to be semi active here.
But I will also be trying to learn a new site.

https://www.weasyl.com/~serifbalehawk

Join me on Weasyl, if you wish. Even if I wind up coming back here someday like I used to be, Weasyl's an interesting site with many more options. It's a learning curve.

So, fixing my profile just now. I haven't changed it since I was 22.

I'm 26 now.

What does THAT tell you?!

So, you may remember this post. http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2778303/
That was posted two years ago. Just last night, I decided to give art another try. Oh sure I did a few things, War Rabbit, the metal elephant. But not furry, not "real" attempts at drawing, as it were.

Anyone have any good tutorials or references to get me trying again? I've fallen WAY WAY back, and am honestly very afraid to even attempt trying to draw again.

Just found out there are actually people out there who hate bird anthropic characters.

I.

Please stop. Just stop. Birds are fucking rad as hell.

So, recently.
As in, maybe three hours ago.
I have decided to get back into furry art.
I apologize now.

Cross-posted to my new account  SerifBalehawk.

So, I'm in the market for new ref sheets. Since I'm no longer drawing, and since I can't keep a standard look for Schrecklich, I'd like to have someone make a few for me.

I'm looking for someone rather good at adopting art styles, and hybrids. Not sure if I'm going to have everyone's sheet redone or not, but I know I at least need ONE for Schre. So there is that. Suggestions here! Suggest yourself, other people, the like. Ready steady GO!

I don't see shapes.

Drawing tutorials, body studies, if you look at them, they consist of shapes.

http://bloggerserif.tumblr.com/post.....wetandclueless

http://bloggerserif.tumblr.com/post.....piggystarocean

http://bloggerserif.tumblr.com/post.....is-as-personal
^^^This is a big example.

When I draw a face, I put down a circle and a few lines, but never follow them. When I draw a body, I put down a spine, and a few circles, and never follow them either. I'll "block out" a pose, and never follow it. While I'm drawing, I'll try to follow the shapes I put down, and it comes out stiff and awkward. So I deviate from them, and they look all encompassing wrong.

This tutorial was on my LJ a while ago:
http://shattered-earth.deviantart.c.....nces-255875213


And I thought it was very very good! But there's a problem. They're showing that they see shapes when they study references. I tried to do the same thing, and I can't see the shapes they are talking about. A friend of mine tried to help me with hands, showed me how to block out a hand. But unless someone is sitting there showing me where to put lines, I don't see the shapes.

For Halloween I tried to draw the bones of the hand on my hand, as I was doing a skeleton thing. And it looked okay for the most part when I was looking at an image on the computer and drawing the bone exactly. When I had to do it without the computer, without the image by itself, I couldn't see the bones, I couldn't figure out the shapes. And it looked a mess.

When I see an image in my head, I can see lines. I can see where lines have to go, how lines have to sit. But it doesn't translate from my head, to my hand, to paper. I'm starting to think it all has to do with my inability to see shapes.

So now the question that has to be asked is... how do I learn to see shapes?

Or did FA's "resizing" thing stop working? My photos are HUGE! Then again, I do have a small screen. I already cropped and resized the shit out of them, and figured that FA's "I'll reduce the size of your image automatically" would work. But they are still huge! What gives?!

Hey everyone.

So, I've come to the point that every time I put pencil to paper, I get so angry at what I draw and my thoughts about it that I'm about to throw the sketch book out the window. SO! That being in the air...

I will no longer be drawing. I have a few trades and one commission to finish. They WILL be done and WILL be posted here. Otherwise, that's it.

No more.

This account will not be uploading any more art apart from that mentioned above. I'm done hating myself over something as stupid as a few lines on paper. For everyone that'll tell me not to give up... I've tried for years, and there has been zero improvement. I can't get better if I don't like what I'm doing. Art is supposed to be fun, and enjoyable... not make you hate yourself every day. If something isn't fun and enjoyable, why do it?

However, I will be checking this account every few days to read journals and see what everyone's uploading. I still want to follow you guys!

I will be moving to  SerifBalehawk. There, I'll be uploading any commissions that people allow me to upload, and a refsheet or two that is from the past/might commission one day. Everything else that'll be on that account will be writing. I am a writer, that is what brings me joy. That is the art I will be offering.

I also will have my fabric works at  muddledesigns, though I'm really behind on updating that account. There you'll be able to find my ponies and my jackets and such. When I get around to updating it, of course.

So yes, find me on  SerifBalehawk and  MuddleDesigns as I won't be uploading anything here anymore. I WILL CHECK THIS ACCOUNT THOUGH! So if you need to contact me, or are afraid that I won't be seeing your new uploads, don't worry. I'll be here, just not touching the drawing world anymore. Sorry.

So, as you may have noticed last night, I uploaded another Applejack photo! And that's because she's for sale now!

http://www.etsy.com/listing/8227999.....ic?ref=pr_shop

Go get her before she gets snapped up by someone else! Later I'll be making BigMac, and selling him alone, and as a "brother sister" pack as well. Oh the excitement!

I'm also offering this to my watchers. And if you know someone that might be interested, toss them this way. I'm offering a one-time deal. I need example ponies. SO!

For $200, you will get ten ponies. That's a $250 purchase, and you're saving $50! (There will be a little bit extra for shipping, though. Just $5.) For $200 you get:
Applejack
Rarity
Twilight Sparkle
Pinkie Pie
Rainbow Dash
Fluttershy
BigMac
And three ponies of your choice (From the show, or customs. Celestia and Nightmare Mood not available, but Luna is. It's the sentient hair.)

I would need $100 up front for materials, and the last $100 before being shipped out. I am not considering this a commission, because these ponies are proto-type ponies. Hence why you're not being charged the extra $50 for full price! Basically, I'm making "photo ponies" and selling them at discount prices!

Note me if interested!

Let's face it, Furries love Halloween. It's a time that we can wear our fursuits and have people like us, rather than want to egg us. It's a time to drink and act like a child without people thinking you're nuts. It's a time to play pranks and jokes without people calling the cops. Or, well, it's kind of like that. Not so much anymore in some places.

I want to have a Halloween party. Problem with this, I don't have a place to hold this party. So I have to figure something out.

I'm planning on doing something like I did last year. I made a stew (from a can, ewww) in a pumpkin and roasted it all in an oven. I made pumpkin pancakes. We went trick-or-treating. I'd like to add more to it, like a mix of Halloween music and the online radio "Darker Shade of Pagan." Which will more than likely be hosting their Samhain show again.

Maybe even have a few games, if people are up to it. I'd like to make rabbit stew from scratch this time, instead of beef stew from a can. And have a vegetarian option, since I know that not everyone will want to eat Thumper. I'd like to have both hard and soft apple cider, I'd like to have decorations. Any other ideas? Anyone up to a Halloween party?

Hello all! I need to get that long depressing journal off my page. Also, I need suggestions.

I'm thinking of making and selling these:
http://twitpic.com/6gbaf6
http://twitpic.com/6gbaad

The whole main cast, Pinkie, Rarity, Twilight, etc. This Applejack was made out of cheep craft-felt just to try out my pattern and see how she looks. I need to make a few adjustments to the pattern, and think about attaching the joints on the legs inside, or keeping them outside.

1) Would you buy this for $10? It would be cheep craft felt, unfortunately, so it couldn't be washed.
2) Would you buy this for $20? It would be real wool felt, and can be hand-washed and played a bit rougher with (such as with a child.)
3) Should I go fleece, or would it destroy the look of the toy if it were fleece not felt?
3.5) If I go fleece, would you pay $25?
4) Anything else you'd like to add?

Clearly I still need to put on AJ's freckles and apple stems. But this gives you an idea of how she'd look. I need to play with making the neck a tad shorter, and how to sew on her hair right, but otherwise this is what the toy would look like.

EDIT: AJ here is about a foot tall, and about ten inches from nose to tail (width wise.)

Warning, long journal full of whining and complaining.

Well! Now that I’ve finished my major commissions and have only a few drawing things to do, I can write this journal. I didn’t want to write it and have people think I was making excuses to not do commissions or whatever. Now that they are done, people can see that I’m not using excuses to take a while on items. I am using them, however, as excuses to NOT take any more!

These last eight or so months have been taxing on me, and it’s multiplied the last four months, five now that it’s September.

I think I might be sick. I don’t know yet, as I haven’t gotten looked at for it. But I know there’s something going on with me that there shouldn’t be.

I started work at Angel Stadium back in April. Season started in June, but I was hired in April. It’s my first real job. I’ve had desk work at school, I’ve worked in a few theaters as a lighting assistant/designer, but I’ve never had a “real” job before. I’ve never worked food, I’ve never worked retail, that sort of thing. This job is both. I’m both manning a cash-register, and I’m preparing/serving food.

For those of you that don’t know, I have a speech impediment; a stutter. It might not seem like much, and I hate to use it as a woe-is-me, but it really DOES make it hard to find a job. People want you to be able to answer phones, to speak with customers, the like. While that means I can do a night job like stocking the shelves, when I go in for an interview I’ll get one or two questions in before they dismiss me.

So I’m trying to work through it. If it’s working or not, I’m not one to judge. But it’s made KEEPING this job a pain in the ass. People don’t come to my window because I don’t greet them in full words. My drawers are always under a thousand. When a hot dog is $5 and a beer is $8, I should be able to make a thousand dollars in four innings. I’m lucky to make fifty. Low drawers have been used as a threat. “Pull in more, or we’ll let you go.”

Rather than, say, put me in back cooking the hot dogs. Well, I started work at the Panda Express that’s in the stadium, and my stand lead is amazing. She understands that I have trouble with words, and rather than forcing me to over work myself and be fired for something stupid, she has me serve. So I still speak with customers, but it’s at my own pace, it’s short, and I don’t embarrass myself.

But I’m working overtime to keep my job. They say jump and I pull out a trampoline and ask how high. I pull the weight of two or three people some nights; serving both the sides, the entrees, and then cashing them out. I’ll beg Sarah to give me a ride because they call me in last second and I have to be at the stadium in fifteen minutes from hanging up the phone. I’m trying very hard to keep this job, and have even worked events at the Honda Center to keep it.

I’m exhausted. I’m trying to keep up with my friends, go on outings to try and find “someone for me.” I’m back in school with twelve units (normally I have sixteen, but it seems my classes are getting canceled after I pay for them.) I’m trying to start up an online business. I’m trying to pay off the debt that working in Huntington Beach has created.

And then we’re back at the original topic; I’m sick.

Not long ago, I went to the doctor because my knee and shoulder hurt. Long ago and far away (not so far) I lived with an abusive parent. I’ve had a lot of injuries over the years, two of which concern my recent woes; my left shoulder repeatedly pulled out of its socket, and my left knee hitting a sidewalk after being thrown off a roof. Neither of which were ever looked at. Until about a month ago.

After x-rays and prodding tests, the doctor told me that there’s really nothing they can do about the pain in my joints. But that getting some body padding would help. Body padding meaning that I need to gain weight. I’m underweight; I weigh 95 pounds soaking wet, and I’m five foot five. I’m also twenty three. I should be 115-150. What’s that tell you?

I’ve tried to get into shape, but my knee gives out when I’m running, and my shoulder can’t pull me up or lift very high on most days. I also eat all the time. I was 95 pounds in high school, when I rarely ate. I’m STILL 95 pounds, and I eat like a horse. At work my knee gives out about the seventh inning, which is okay because my stand lead normally lets me go on break about then, so I don’t fall or anything.

I can’t sleep very well. I’m constantly distracted when trying to get things done. And I haven’t figured out what it is yet, but something I eat makes me sick about once a week. Since I’m the one that cooks for the house, I’ve kept track of what I eat and when I’m sick. So far, the only thing that MIGHT be doing it is milk, but I’ve had days I’m sick and I haven’t had any milk.

My body is falling apart, and I don’t know why. Some days I feel so drained that I sit at my sewing machine and just shake… but I hadn’t done anything that day. The dark rings under my eyes never go away. I’m tired all the time.

There’s something wrong with me, and I don’t know what it is. So… I haven’t been online much. Oh sure I check my facebook, my LJ, my twitter. Little things that give me stuff to copy to a text document and read on my breaks at work. I haven’t been very active; I’d like to hang out more with my friends but most days I can’t even leave my room very much.

So, now you know why I haven’t posted anything here in a long time. Like my sketch a day thing. I’m drawing, but I haven’t had the oomph to scan it and upload it. Sometimes I take bad pictures of it. And I’m not happy with my art either. It’s frustrating, and makes me angry.

So yep. That’s it. Bawwing and bitching over.

TL:DR; SERIF’S A WHINING BABY AND MIGHT BE SICK WITH SOMETHING. News at eleven.