Well... ever since I read something somewhere that someone kept saying internet friends aren't really friends, and years ago, I had a close IRL friend who say the same too, makes me want to write something.

I have met many friends from the internet and later met most of them IRL and through the years we are still friends although some of us are apart due to distance. I don't see why internet friends get discounted just because we don't always go out to hang out or whatever.

So, I met my this friend through IRC and a bunch of us used to hang out a lot at cafes and stuff to draw or just have fun, the bunch of us were really closed for a few years. We'd have sleep overs at each others place, hang out every weekends, spend festivals or birthdays together. But as we grow through the years, this friend decided that he wanted to be apart and broke off the routine. I'm totally fine if he wanted to break off routines, look for new friends and experience new things out there, but he said that he felt that internet friends aren't really real, which hurts me so much. After all these years and things we've done... We aren't real? We went through happy and sad things together. We aren't real?

Well, anyway, maybe he had something else in his mind.

I mean we've gotta start somewhere. It's unfair to just slap people in the face that "internet friends are not real" or also love through the internet aren't real. There are so many people who met through the internet and later got married and live happily ever after. Of cos there are horror stories of people we met online that is really disastrous, I had my fair share of meeting horrible people.

Anyway...

All these are just my opinions, you might agree or disagree. I'm not writing this journal to start a debate, I just want to get it off my mind. : - \

My Fears!!!


[†] public speaking
[ ] staying single forever
[†] Rejection
[ ] being a parent
[ ] giving birth
[ ] being myself in front of others
[ ] open spaces
[ ] closed spaces
[†] heights
[ ] dogs
[ ] fish
[ ] spiders
[ ] flowers or other plants
[ ] that scary guy...
[ ] being touched
[†] fire
[†] deep water
[†] snakes
[ ] silk
[†] the ocean
[†] failure
[ ] success
[†] thunder/lightning
[ ] frogs/toads
[ ] my boyfriends dad
[ ] my boyfriends mom
[ ] rats
[†] jumping from high places
[ ] snow
[ ] rain
[ ] wind
[ ] crossing hanging bridges
[†] death
[ ] heaven
[ ] being robbed
[ ] falling
[ ] clowns
[ ] dolls
[†] large crowds of people
[ ] men
[ ] women
[†] having great responsibilities
[ ] doctors, including dentists
[ ] tornadoes
[ ] hurricanes
[†] incurable diseases
[ ] sharks
[ ] Friday the 13th
[ ] ghosts
[ ] poverty
[ ] Halloween
[ ] school
[ ] trains
[ ] odd numbers
[ ] even numbers
[†] being alone
[†] becoming blind
[†] becoming deaf
[ ] growing up
[†] creepy noises in the night
[ ] bee stings
[†] not accomplishing my dreams/goals
[ ] needles
[ ] blood
[ ] dinosaurs
[ ] the welcome mat
[ ] high speed
[ ] throwing up
[ ] falling in love
[ ] super secret

Total:19

If you get more than 30, I strongly recommend some counseling.
If you get more than 20, you’re paranoid.
If you get 10-20, you are normal.
If you get 10 or less, you're fearless.
People who don’t have any are liars or Buddha.

LOL XD I admit.. I'm close to paranoid.

This will probably be the last time I'll write about my dog here.

I just got a call from the pet hotel person who was recommended by the animal association to help us with handling the procedure of putting my dog to sleep that my dog had passed away peacefully through medication. He had helped us wash the cage and will leave it at our door step whenever he pass by our place. (moms actually)

When he came to pick my dog up, my dog had fits again and I was crying really hard again. I mean it was a scary sight and doggie was suffering, I really couldn't help myself. : ( Then this kind man told us that he understand that it hurts a lot, we should cry it all out now and should try to get over it soon.

Then he strongly suggest that we don't get any dog as pet so soon. and my mom asked him why and he explained that some people have the need to have companion/pets with them, so as soon as the previous pet passed by, they will get a replacement right away, which is what he don't recommend. I see his point and agree with it.

So when he was on the phone with me some moment ago, he reminded me again not to get any pets soon. And I should let my emotions calm down first.

I think maybe he misunderstood me or afraid that I am one of the people. . __ .;; Yes I am very attached to my dog because he was with me all the time when I was still schooling and everyone at home had to work, I always go home being alone and my dog was the only one who would welcome me home and keep me company till people get home in the evening. Just opposite of what he think, I won't get any pets. Maybe goldfishes in the future... but I won't get dogs or cats...

Anyway, I understand his concern, cos most of the time when people do it, the one that suffer will probably be the animal. When the owner realize that the new pet is not like the old one, they might disown them or something.

I'll give myself a few days to settle my emotion down... and happy thoughts only. : ) I'll miss him and I am glad I had him with me through happy and hard times in the past. <3

He is going to a better place, or has gone to a better place. (Please don't read further if you don't want to know anything sad, and please please be gentle to me. This is hard enough for me)

He is an old dog, he is the funniest dog, he is the most caring dog, more energetic dog, most playful dog.... he was the one who spent the most time with me when I lived with my family for the past 14 to 15 years.

He had been sick for the past week but I only got to know about it the day before and yesterday I suddenly got a call that he might not make it as he was having fits. When I got there, he was laying there, unable to move, so unlike the past when he will rush all the way to me or the door. I pet him non-stop, I cried, I comfort him... he threw a fit again.

I called the animal association and they had someone tell me what to do on the phone, I moved him onto some big towel and cover his cold body up to make him comfortable, I sat next to him and massages his head like I always do when he sleeps next to me, he seems more comfortable than before, not breathing as hard, seemed to fall asleep but when he closed his eyes for awhile, he jerked and woke up again...

It was late and we couldn't get him to the vet so we had to wait till the morning. Now I will be going over to my family's place to wait for the animal association people to come and bring him to a better place. We will be putting him to sleep, because judging from his old ago and condition, it's a better thing to do. That is if he made it through the night, but I really hope that he had passed during the night in his sleep... Peaceful and painless.

I will never get a pet again. This is really heartbreaking to me... He will always be in my heart...




p/s: sorry fenfen, the trade will be coming a little slow. : (
pps: please ignore my grammar or whatever..

---

Update

---

Currently still at my mom's...

My dog was still around when I arrived and it hurts so much. But a few hours ago, he's been taken away to be on his way to heaven...

It was really upsetting, but the man who came did a check on him and said that my dog was ready to 'go' anytime. So it is really best to let him go.

I will always remember him. Every single memory of him is fresh and always will be fresh in my heart. From him being a little cub till the day he go.

Thank you everyone for your kind words, you guys help me a lot and my condolence to those who faced/facing the same situation... It is really heart breaking...

Hmmm... I would like to open 3 trading spots. : )

If you have look through my gallery, you'll know that I don't have a Ref sheet for Spea. ^^;; I have been trying to make one but it haven't come out right. But there's really nothing too special about her at the moment, what you see if what you get. : ) Just a few things to take note of:


- All her hair is of dark brown/black/grey. (you can pick either of these)
- Her feet are tiny
- She's about 5'4 & on the heavy side, curvy on her tummy & bottom.
- I draw her lips 2 different ways. Human type or just bear type
- She don't have any tattoos or standard accessories just yet. But if you'd like to add a little blingbling on her is fine. :D

Here are some examples of Spea:
Please note that all her hair is dark, unlike the hair in this picture.
Same here too.
Spea spea

p/s: I know I have a few other OCs in my gallery but I would like to see more of Spea than them since they are not developed OCs.

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

Here we go. :D

1. LusoPakak
2. qwertyrulz
3. Fen-Fen

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

to Chinese New Year. hehe.. :D Will be visiting my Moms and having home cook food ;___; I missed that! Curry Chicken and many more. hehe..

I'll be visiting some spring flora show and taking lots of macro of flowers and hopefully some insects. . u . I just hope I can handle the DSLR properly, my wrist just can't seems to handle the weight of it and end up with blurred pictures. :-\

Sorry for the lack of updates, replies and comments. I appreciated all your comments, faves and watches. Just that I get really tired and had been spacing out a lot recently... My brain is like having a vacation. O_o;

I have some Spea's Diary to draw, but since I'm spacing out, it just won't come out right. I hope I can get it done soon before the idea fades or I lose interest.

Have a good Chinese New Year to all who celebrates it! : D

I'm at the last phase of my freelance job! Now I'm expecting them to come back with some changes. I just hope they are not major or there are none!!!

due to some reason, I didn't complete 100 pieces, did 65 of them instead. Which means lesser money but it's still good! I hope I'll get my paycheck by 20th this month.. ; U ; then I can get some new clothes for the coming lunar new year. woohooo~~~

I'm sleepy.. and tired but I am too excited to go to bed. ; A ;

p/s: thank you ivorymoth for bearing my rants/complains all these time. I love you!!!! ; U ;

I'm starting to wonder if the amount of time I spent on this job with the computer on all day is enough to cover the bill that is coming. lol... only if i go in depth calculating how much electricity my pc use every hour and so on so on...

but i am not gonna bother with that. =A=; i'm bad at math and i don't have time.

the only thing i am looking forward to is this coming saturday's tattoo convention. : )

Chris Garver~ weeeee~~

back to work. .A. ;;;

I did nothing productive and I shoot myself in my own foot.

and I talked too much. and I called the kettle black.. or pot? ...

I'm an idiot.

get to work spea. u don't have much time left.

Well... I got my work done so far.. that's yesterday's quota. Today I'll try not to procrastinate and also complete other chores at home. ;;;;;

To start... I'm going to sleep for a few hours.

Thank you all for the comments, faves and watches! ;U; really appreciate them!

Catch y'all later <33

I've been working so much that i get really irregular sleeping hours, like i only take naps as i do my work as i can't gauge how much time i really need to spend on them , there are always unexpected changes to make and my whole week seems just like a very long day.

then when i thought i could have longer rest during the weekend since i've done my deadline for the week, i get unexpected things happen to me and i can't get my rest. i want to sleep for a full 12 hours, but i get interrupted a lot.

I should just go to bed and hope that I can stay asleep for a decent amount of hours to recharge myself... cos the coming week will be back to hell again.

=U=
Night all...

p/s: Thank you so much for all your comments, faves and watches.. ; __ ; -bows- and my sentences probably sound weird cos my brain isn't working well now lol

2009 is here.

I wanna wish everyone a Happy New Year, may this year be a good one for you!

^____^

. u . Hello everyone...

I am new here... I tagged along and found this place very interesting and fun : )

some random thought...
I have to admit that I am a color idiot. =A=;
I can never mix and match the right colors together and make them look good.
Not even if I have reference.
It seems hard for me to understand.
I'm ashame of it. .___.;