UPDATE: I have emailed a Boston terrier rescue-just waiting to hear back. Thanks for the suggestions!

I know this is a super long shot-but is there anyone here who would be interested in a sweet little female brindle Boston terrier? She is house trained, has her shots, but is not spayed yet. She does very well with other dogs! She is high energy but is very cuddly! We say she has two modes-on and off LOL. She just deserves someone with more time than I have now. She loves being outside but needs to be indoors as boston's don't handle weather extremes ( we even put a little jacket/coat on her in the winter (outdoors and indoors at our house-it's cold and drafty in here). She does walk on a leash but tends to be very aimless and zig zag all over the place LOL. I'd be willing to drive a few hours to get her to a good home! I'm in GA. Thanks everyone!

I keep finding myself in tears lately...Just sitting and thinking...milling over everything...I wasn't like this years ago, or at least i don't think so. I'm over burdened with pets and my house is old and broken...then add a toddler to it all and I absolutely break down. We have cut back out pets already but it may be to the point that I will have one dog, one cat and maybe fish...I love them all as family and it tears my heart to shreds to think of parting with them :C I know it's an irrational desire to have lots of pets...I can't afford it and it stressing me greatly...maybe I'm just insane. Our family seems to think we are just terribly mismanaging our money some how-nope-we just don't have any. The fact that we get WIC (food assistance) and medicaid (for Westley) and have filed bankruptcy should be an indicator. His family has never not had money to blow-they don't understand. My family is doing the same as me...living pay check to paycheck and paying bills late so they can afford to eat. I don't really feel like I have anyone close to me (friend-wise) anymore...I never get out of the house and no one i know lives anywhere close by...all my old school friends are gone and have apparently outgrown me anyhow-their loss. So, I will perpetually sit at home and take care of the house and Westley...I guess that's just how the future will be. I just feel like my world is collapsing in on me...I don't enjoy things anymore-I just stress over EVERYTHING...I'm even scared to be along in my own home now-constantly thinking that some crazy person will break in and hurt me or Westley...I'm just losing my grip on things...I'm trying to feel better....it's just not happening.

I get weird random ideas sometimes hehe...

So, if I were a canid of some sort (any canid-wolf/fox/coyote/dog/whatever) what would I be? Go! Give me your thoughts!! <3 Oh, and it DOES NOT have to be something that looks like a badger in any way!

ok...I am trying to get some general ideas for my Halloween costume (yes, I know it's 2 months away-I will be working on it in little spurts due to having a toddler-so bear with me. Thankfully I already have lots of clothes/costume parts and accessories to work with) Here's what I'm trying to decide on: I am trying to create a steampunk persona for myself (I will be her for things other than Halloween). I'm trying to sort of base her off my personality and make her fit into a steampunk world-I have a few ideas but first I'll list some of the qualities that will have to work :

-very opinionated (and not afraid to share that opinion with everyone else)

-NOT fru-fru...sort of tomboy-ish but well aware of how to use her feminine powers of seduction ;3

-not really one to take orders well-would prefer the alpha/lead position or at least second in command.

-likes sharp things

- off-beat and a little strange tot he average person

-quick, hot temper.

-very curvy, soft. voluptuous figure

-tends to be a little sneaky and mischievous

-loves to fly and love to go fast (also a bit of a dare-devil)

-loves tea and exotic goodies (food, artifacts, doo-dads) <3

-very creative and inventive, but not super mechanically-minded

-good with weapons

Ideas thus far: Sky pirate, Adventurer/explorer, non-official Archaeologist, Apothecary, Alchemist, and many more...but I can't decide....help!!!

I'm finally starting to feel a little like myself again and getting back int he mood to draw again. Life has sort of gotten back to something semi-normal, though there are still bad days, still outbursts and still those fits of my husband going down to the basement and bashing things because I made some passive aggressive comment (I admit I do it too much, I know, it's terrible). We thought we were going to lose our house as well...kind of a long story why though, but we aren't and it's ok now. We are having to sell some of my brother in laws possessions which is just dragging out all the feelings of guilt and sorrow that follow something like this. But yeah...I'm drawing again and trying to get back into a day to day routine. I have some art to upload-it's 90% badgers though (as if that's a surprise) but I am still working on commissioned art, I just wanted to be up to snuff mind-wise before I tried to do work on it-I want to produce good art when I'm paid, not half-ass art. I love you all and just want to say thank you for all the sweet words and for being so patient with me <3 <3 <3

I apologize for disappearing for a month. After my brother in law so suddenly passed away life sort of fell apart. He took his own life just a day before his 22nd birthday. It would be one thing is he were older, or if he had been sick.We don't know why he did it, we don't know what made him decide that night to leave this world. There was nothing left behind to tell us why...just a now broken family. After knowing someone so closely for ten years...it seems almost unreal. We are trying to get things back sort of to normal...but each time things appear to be getting better, fresh wounds are opened. Things were looking better until we had to go an clean out the room he was renting...we now have the majority of his belongings. His mother seems to just be shutting down and has boxed up all his things at her home. We will be going to grief counciling. I am trying to get the spark to work on art, but my heart is not in it right now and my mind is too clouded. Everytime I close my eyes to try and sleep I just get images of what those final moments must have been like-so not much sleep happening anymore. I'll try and get back up and running soon...I'm sorry.

I just wanted to let everyone know, I'll be gone for a few days. My brother in law has died and we will be away from home.

Since I've been s quite lately I thought I should give you all a reason. I am going through some hard times right now. We are living paycheck to paycheck and i have applied for food stamps. We are no longer using any a/c in our home to try and bring down our costs. I'm not really getting the help I need at home with Westley and I'm near the point of a nervous breakdown. It's gotten to the point that I can't even shower but every other day...things just seem to be falling apart around me. We are spending most days in out un-finished basement since it's so much cooler down there and I do not have internet or computer down there at all. I am trying my best to get all the commissions finished, but it's going very slow. I do not handle stress well at all and this by far the worst it's ever been. I'm so embarrassed by how broken my house is, but we can't afford to fix it, or even get it insured, so if it caught fire, we'd just be homeless. I now know I took on way too many commissions and will never do commissions again after these are all done. Some days I'm tempted to not do any more art, ever. So please, bear with me and don't be mad at me, I am trying, but I'm also trying not to go insane.

Sorry I sort of disappeared off the face of the Earth for a few weeks there. I'm feeling a bit run down. We had to through Westley getting his stent removed and going into the hospital again...never fun. Everything has just been sort of running me ragged. We also had internet issues....damn charter cable *grumble* . They kept swearing the loss of all signal was an issue with our modem or other equipment, not theirs....finally after having to harass them every time it went down they sent some one out. they discovered the line from the main line/box to our house was butchered. It looked like the squirrels has been working it over as well as the fact that the installer guy had put staples THROUGH the line in a few spots...They had to replace the whole line...It appears to be working now, and it better stay that way! Arrrggg....what is with my luck lately ? :C

Well, we are back home safe and sound now, I am SO glad the hospital stay was short. Westley in on some heavy duty pain killers (I'd want to be too if they cut me open). He has a drain and so he can't even take a bath to feel better :< He just sort of whines and wants to be held all the time (he's asleep in my lap now ) i can only imagine what he thinks happened. He's not old enough to explain it to, he probably just thinks I took him to a weird place with scary people who took him from me and then later he wakes up and hurts so much ;_; At least it's over with for right ow (though he has to go get the drain out monday and then get the stent removed in 6-8 weeks). When he sees that doctor again (his specialist was also his surgeon) he's going to flip out :( I'll check here when I can, but no promises.

Well, the hospital has WIFI, so you all get a update! Westley is out of surgery and all went well. It seems we may be going home tomorrow :3 They have him hooked up to all sorts of fluid and pain meds...so he's sleeping well for now. Thank you everyone for all the well-wishes <3 <3 <3 <3

Ok, I'll be gone for a few days at the very least, probably longer. Westley goes in for the surgery first thing in the morning (we have to leave here at like 4 am 0_o ). So, I'll be gone with him for a the hospital stay and when we get home I'm going to be very very busy with him so I probably won't be able to get online at all. So, just wanted to let you all know :3 Bye!

I have a few little characters that have been floating in my head for a looong time now. Should I draw them up and post them....or is having a lot of characters too confusing?

sorry for the delay in physically mailing things. My printer has out right died as far as printing goes, so I'm going to have to go get them printed, no biggie though (may force Matt to sneak in the newspaper office after hours and print them on the nice laser printer <3) . Just delays everything *frustration grumble*

Ok, we finally got a solid date for Westley's surgery. It's going to be March 16 th....so the few days before that and the week following, don't expect me to be online. I wish it could be sooner and we could just go ahead and get it done...I'm already too anxious and high strung on my own as it is XC

I decided to ask him one more time ( he says I never asked him...umm..ok, no)...but anywho, he said a bear LOL . It's kinda' funny that that's what 90% of you said. He chose the black bear! I love black bears anywho so it's perfect <3 I have had a weird attachment to black bear since I was a little kid (we went to a park in the smokey mountains-it was a bears in pit type deal that you walked over-I am pretty sure it was closed long long ago (I hope) I remember crying because the bears looked so unhappy. I just remember getting all excited when I got the bears' attention and they were "talking" (grunting) at me :3 I know...I'm weird >_>

Now I'm going to have to draw a family photo (maybe I'll trace over that snow photo!-it'd be easy and I've been wanting to do that "your actual body" meme thing :p

so, should I do watercolor again? I've done nothing but digital for a while now, and honestly, it's not as fulfilling. What do you prefer? my digital or traditional (usually ink/watercolor) ?

examples : (mostly old art )
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/913302/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/134008/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/134006/

I was going to use etsy to set up shop, but didn't like the percentages and such they take...so I found a better option! Big Cartel! Here's my shop: http://thesecretsett.bigcartel.com/ Nothing there quite yet, though I may be offering jewelry or some bookmarks for sale there soon :3

and example of my jewelry (I bet a few of you didn't even know I made jewelry): http://www.furaffinity.net/view/1075667/ and http://www.furaffinity.net/view/1075673/

Well, we finally got to go see the specialist (a pediatric urologist) and after reviewing all the tests and ultrasounds, she says he will have to have surgery :< Good news though, despite the kidney being 97% blocked (he has a UPJ obstruction-the ureter (tube from the kidney to the bladder) is blocked where it meets the kidney) his left kidney is actually fairly functional (it'll be normal functioning once opened back up). It's a congenital defect, the don't even know why it happens...though they say if I have another child it is highly unlikely they'd have the same issue (just a random anomaly) . I'm waiting for the surgery scheduler to call me and then we'll know a date. I'll be gone a for a week+ when the surgery happens (he'll be in the hospital for 2 days, but then he has to remain fairly inactive for at least a week after the surgery-a very hard thing to achieve with a 15 month old :p) So, yeah...still scared but glad that he will have 2 working kidneys after this is all said and done <3

I'm hopefully going to start working on a new head soon (I already have the upper head frame made) and I think I'm going to use a pre-made jaw set this time. I tried to make my own last time and the teeth tended to break or fall out :( This will be a badger, but a normal sized badger jaw set will be way way too small. I'm probably going to buy a bear jaw set since they seem to have a very similar mouth/teeth just in a larger size. I'm trying to decide to what size to get though (they have small, medium and large-but no actual dimensions given :/ ). What size jaws ets do you order? What company do you buy them from? ---OR do you make your own jaws/teeth? (I am trying to make this realistic as possible)

I'm looking for a good tutorial on drawing fur texture...I fail TERRIBLY at it when I try...so I need some help.

gah....I feel like such a slug lately...I am working on owed things, albeit very very slowly. We have finally paid part of our owed taxes (hopefully they will give us a little more time on the other part-we paid a county tax and a city tax-an unfair double wammy:( ) I have to admit though, having fewer pets, even though sad, has helped us a lot. I know they are happy, they probably get more singular attention now than I could give them, especially with the little one now. Westley is now walking (he started at 10 1/2 months!!!), running, and CLIMBING...OMG all my nice things...now broken ;_; Also may have to deal with more medical issues in the new year...looks like Westley's original kidney issue was diagnosed incorrectly (WTF....WANT TO KILL STUPID DOCTOR). He DOES have two kidneys...the one they originally said was just cystic tissue (and never a kidney at all) is a hydronephrotic kidney-ok to explain that, essentially it's a severely dilated (swollen) kidney. His ureter (the tube between the kidney and the bladder is also severely dilated. They say it's usually due to a blockage of some sort and the most important part, IT CAN OFTEN BE REVERSED!!!!!! I was so happy to hear that yet scared shit-less. A baby..well toddler now, getting surgery....having to be cut open....I'm trying to get all outstanding commissions done since I know I will not have the time when all this goes down. He still has to get a few more tests to test how much (if at all)the other kidney is functioning to see if it can be saved. Please send any good luck/vibes/voodoo or what ever his way. With the way my luck goes, we need it. I will be trying to stay in better contact than I have, I've just been to overwhelmed lately to do much of anything. I love you all!!! please remember that!

sorry for sort of disappearing off the face of the Earth for a while there...we had a big run of really bad luck that fell in our laps all at once. I also have so slightly bad news for commissioners. What initially happened ...the internet was cut off because we couldn't afford it...I figured I'd mooch off the neighbors wireless signal, but they got smart and secured it, so that plan failed. Then I had a hard drive crash...we think a power surge go it somehow (we get a lot of surges and outages (ancient power grid in a tiny town). Usually anything electronic is on a surge protector, but my computer wasn't because I spilled tea on the one it had and had yet to buy a new one..that's what i get I suppose. I didn't lose everything, though I did lose most in progress photoshop stuff. This does NOT mean I lost the artwork totally, they all started as ink on paper and where then scanned-so I DO have the line art for everything! I'll just have to rescan and color things...more delays is all...We could not afford to buy a new hard drive until this week (we had a small yard sale to make a little money so we could get all the bills up to date and fix Mat's car...and my computer). All appears to be working right now *finger and toes crossed..knocking on wood* We also had the joy of some flooding (that's what we get for living less than a mile from a big river-damn Chattahoochee River). Only the basement was truly messed up...lots of wet boxes and stored blankets...along with our gas hot water heater sitting in water :( It's still a little damp down there, but everything had been scrounged through and the mildew is mostly out (really really need a heavy-duty dehumidifier down there). Roof is also still leaking and now the roofer is blaming the leak on the rest of the roof and he has done all he can (another words-screw you and enjoy the leaky roof and black mold). Yay.......not so much. We also are going to have the re-home of most of our pets(2 dogs have to go, my last ferret, all but one bird, and 2 of my cats)...they are just extra cost that we cannot take right now. It destroys me inside but we don't know what else to do. Westley comes first and boy is he expensive!!!! Well, all in all, even though life has kicked me in the head pretty badly, I'm slowly coming out of the coma and regaining some kind of conscious life.

sorry I have gotten absolutely nothing done lately. I'm openly admitting I'm depressed now. I know it's 90% hormonal...but still...it sucks. I'm hoping it will pass soon. I had a bit of a melt down today in walmart...I thought I was going to break down an sob right then and there. I'm just tired, my allergies have rendered me unable to breathe, I get to shower like 2 times a week if I'm lucky,my hair is falling out much more than normal, and I'm having some crazy hot flash things at night...I keep having nightmares that everyone is trying to take Westley or my pets...and I keep catching myself checking Grizz (my sick ferret) every other hour to make sure she is still breathing :C I just feel neurotic and mentally all off....I'm hoping this will all pass soon...it has got to. If I had fur, I think I would have chewed my self bald by this point X3 Why do hormones have to have such dramatic effects of the human body?!!?!

Ok...now I have met some of you IRL...and some of you I have chatted with and the like...if you feel you know me or actually do...do you think my current form suits me or does a normal european badger (the species I was long ago)suit me more? I'm just having a conflict of heart. Be "me" or be an idealized version of myself...

so...in short, old "me":http://www.furaffinity.net/view/126550/ (old art...shield your eyes) ?
or new, idealized, fancy "me": http://www.furaffinity.net/view/2257283/ ?


to read the whole long mess I'm talking about...go here: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/882013/