So, it seems like I will get the art I commissioned after all! I'm pretty excited to see it now that it's actually happening to be honest. And, it really does make me feel better about my experience in this fandom overall.

Over the next few days I'm going to grab a bunch of the art that Raraka commissioned featuring me and upload it to my page too, which I am also excited about as there are some incredible pieces.

Overall, things are looking up for me and furry fandom at the moment, it's a really nice feeling and I'm also quite relieved.

It's now been more than a year since I commissioned for a YCH piece, since I heard from the artist. And not only are they taking new commissions, they're using Patreon! I'm so upset about it all at this point. The money I spent.... is a lot at the moment and I will definitely admit that I resent seeing all the new art on their page that isn't my commission - which wasn't even hard, it was a YCH!

I am glad that I know Raraka's experience is so different to mine, and I *love* the art that he's received! Especially the unexpected gift piece that turned up this week - I think it's actually one of my favourite pieces of art from his character! I love the idea of getting some physical art at some stage, I'd love to commission some icons, love to get some chibi style pieces. But I don't have money to spare and when I visit the site I'm reminded of this other artist and it just puts me off all over again. I know this is just one artist, but it's also one of the first pieces I commissioned so it stings.

I am trying to get past it, so if you have recommendations for artists that have openings in the things I mentioned above, I'd be grateful for the suggestions.

I also would love to get a Christmas piece with Raraka and TFox and I together (with our greyhound Ally).

So, I haven't written much here, haven't been around much here and I think I partly figured out why.

I just don't really get much out of this fandom, and while I hear people talking all the time about how great it is, how supportive it is, how community minded it is... I just don't see it.

My experience may be an anomaly, certainly my partner Raraka doesn't experience things the same way but... my experience differs vastly from his.

For a start, I paid for a 'YCH/buy now' commission nearly a year ago. I know that the payment went through - I have the paypal transaction ID. I have heard *nothing* in person from the artist since then. Nothing confirming they got my reference sheet, nothing since and I know they've continued taking on commissions and so on since then. I spent $140 Australian on the commission - $120 US at the time, and... it's not a small amount of money for me. That amount of money could have been so many other things. I'm sad and disappointed that more than nine months have passed since I paid for the commission and have heard nothing. What's community minded or great about that?

Also, on the subject of community minded, my experience of that is, only if you fit in to the ideas that others have about it. Don't dare suggest that something is missing, or that some people find the fandom off-putting or unwelcoming, especially don't dare to suggest anything that might address what you were looking for out of the fandom, or try and put it together yourself.

I am however delighted by the commissions that have worked out, but this other experience has definitely put me off spending money on more commissions.

Individually these things aren't that big a deal, but as with many things, the sum is greater than the parts and I'm left wondering how the hell it is that I think sci-fi/fantasy fandom is better behaved, less offensive and demonstrably more community minded than my experience of furry fandom. Really never thought I'd be saying that given we're still routinely having conversations about the importance of parity, of representation, and not speaking for others.

Maybe my experience will improve over time? Who knows, I'm not holding my breath.

I will say that Rikkoshaye and Kaputotter are amazing artists who do incredible art and seem like the loveliest of people in addition to being vastly talented.

I am so excited! Just today I have finalised discussion with  rikkoshaye whom I've commissioned for my reference sheet!

I'm so excited already by our discussion about shapes and colours and shading etc, I can't wait!!!

Also, doing this now was prompted by the fact that my amazing boyfriend  raraka commissioned the same artist to paint he and I all snuggled up. It's so amazing! Go have a look at Fuzzy Snuggles by  rikkoshaye and comment on how amazing she did given that she had no idea of who my character is to work with - just the astute description that  raraka provided.