So apparently my "baby voice" isn't much different than my "pet voice". The cat is confused because he thinks I'm always talking to him but on the plus side I've got the baby shitting in a sandbox in the basement.

I'm in my hole, cowering
I hear a dreadful sound
Horses rumbling nearer
Then barking of the hound
Mum told me all about this
Stay very quiet, hide
If you hear this noise
Lots of foxes have died
One night mum did not return
I'd heard this noise all day
I'd run to find some cover
Mum run the other way
She gave her scent to save me
To give me time to hide
I back into the evergreens
Where silently I cried
Why do the red coats hate us
We do very little harm
We're good at hunting rodents
That plague most every farm
We've moved to towns and cities
Our habitat has gone
But still the huntsmen kill us
Just leave us where we belong.
FREE.

I recently read that roughly 52% of the world's population is under 30. Feeling old.
But then a friend shared this quote with me:
"There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of people you love. When you learn to tap this source, you will truly have defeated age." ~Sophia Loren

All matter is made up of atoms. Since atoms are 99.9999999% empty space, when you give someone a present for Christmas, you're mainly just giving them space. So, I figured I'd go that extra .0000001% and just give everyone space for Christmas, thus making Christmas shopping very easy and affordable. Sadly my kids were not impressed with this logic and I had to fight the crowds at the mall today. Now all I have left is to just sit here and mourn the death of my bank account.

This year I'm wearing a t-shirt that just says "Life" on it and handing out lemons to everyone.

WIFE: We need to talk.
ME: Is this because you found my half-written romance novel about sexy anthro foxes who control the world from the shadows? "Illumi-naughty"?
WIFE: What?
ME: What?

So this winter I've got this awesome job as a caretaker at a nice and secluded hotel in the Rocky Mountains called The Overlook. Really excited about bringing my family up there. Wish me luck guys!

I find it interesting that you can have a seemingly great friendship with someone, and then suddenly they just drop you as a friend. Hmmm. I guess you didn't find the friendship as great as I found it. Anyway, that's life. People come and go; you can't dwell on it. Just enjoy the present moment, because that's all we have.

Why do people say, "Why on Earth would you do such a thing?" Umm, because I don't have a spaceship. Until I have a spaceship, I'm stuck with doing everything on Earth.

So you know how after 9 years of marriage and 3 children things can grow a little...maybe 'cold' is the word I'm looking for. Lately I noticed her reading lots of books on relationships and men, and how women can fix men, and so on and so forth. Suddenly I'm getting text messages from her, saying things like "If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile, if you are eating, send me a bite, if you are drinking send me a sip, if you are crying, send me your tears. I love you so much!!!".
I'm on the loo; how should I reply?