Hi though!

This is not me starting up this account again. I wasn't sure if I even still had access to it, can't believe this account still gets watchers and despite how I feel towards it, I do appreciate that. That's why I'm here: to talk about how I felt and how I do feel now.

When I started the new account, hit the button and nuked everything here to the scraps a few years back, I was going through some serious mental problems and it seemed like the right thing to do at the time. And it was also helped along by a bunch of people telling me I should do that. Lots of other artists do that when they start over so it wasn't out of the norm to follow the lead.

For several months now, going back into 2022, I've been trying to make the time to come back and restore everything because a thoughts been going through my head over and over: Who made that a rule? No really, who made that a rule that you MUST wipe your gallery when you move to a new account? It's not. If it turns out I'm wrong about that fine then, everything goes back to the scrap purgatory! But if not... why let it waste in there just because *some* artists prefer to do that? Maybe some don't. And maybe some change their minds.

It's taken a while but I've made peace with my own demons and the body of work that's on this account. The past is the past, but it feels wrong to condemn it the way I did.

So... It's probably far too late for people to care, but I've gone through, cleaned up and done my best to restore everything to the way it was before the nuking, or at least as close as I can remember. There is a VERY slim chance I may upload some old "from the vault" style stuff on here, things involving catnick I never finished. Most likely though, I'll just continue doing my modern stuff and this account is gonna stay dead outside of this change.

If you'd like to still follow/watch me here on that slim chance then by all means, but I do recommend following my new account more. That's where my future is, this account is the past. Just no longer a past I want to bury. Pun absolutely not intended but I know some of you will still roll with it. ^^

Been a while again. I'm sure everyone thinks I'm dead by now, or I'm out of the fandom or something along those lines. That's certainly been the story I've heard in some circles. :3 I've still been around streaming on and off, but I got depressed again, I lost the drive to work again and... I just haven't had anything finished to show! Simple as that. There's only so much you can pound your head against a brick wall and get nowhere before you decide to build a wood wall. Or some heavy handed analogy like that.

And then my computer blew up again! Which is so routine now it might as well be a tuesday. >.>

It took some doing but I have a new rig, more importantly I have a new TABLET that is blowing the old wacom I had out of the water right now... So I'm finally gonna put this straight before the NEXT shitstorm the universe delivers to me: Yes I'm moving accounts, and you can now find me at https://furaffinity.net/user/draconicusnick, or on deviantart under the same name, https://draconicusnick.deviantart.com. Links will be up on the profile shortly. Also gonna try and be more active on my twitter again soon, so that's there as another alternative. Still don't have much to show, all I can say is keep your eyes open cause that hopefully will change in the next few weeks.

I'm sure the names got some people thinking history will repeat, but I'm pretty convinced "Draconicus" will stick even if I do magically change sonas again. Wheras cat me really is just past tense at this point. Its a fairly unceremonious end to this account I know, but I'm really not going anywhere, just movin shop. So I don't wanna do some big "So long and thanks for all the fish" speech.

But I'm still gonna give an enormous thank you to anyone who helped me along commenting and watching the art on here over the past 4 or so years. I don't know if many of you realize just how much you've helped me grow as a person and kept me sane all this time. I hope with all the chaos going on around us right now we stick together and can keep that going many more years.

NaughtyCatNick signing off, probably for the last time here. See you on the other side. :3

Yeah I'm writing another one, that was quick wasn't it? :/ This journal was gonna be one of the humongous ones initially. I cut all of it at the last minute and rewrote this because the longer I look at it, I don't see the point in going into the reasons why it's been on my mind. Whatever comes, you're probably going to see them first hand next year anyway.

I want to clarify some things from yesterday though. For starters, what's going to come of this no matter what I do next: a huge chunk of my work is going in the scrap pile, and most if not all of my folder structure's going away. My page is already a mess and a jumble of dubious canon anyway, and I want to do something different in the coming months. I may keep commissions up depending on what's in them. Bunch it under OCD or my mental health or whatever you want, I just know I'd feel better knowing most of my personal stuff is out of sight and out of mind. Mine, at least.

I feel like there was some confusion about this yesterday, so to be clear, at present no I'm NOT planning to delete anything. I'd be lying if I said there hasn't been a few pictures I've been tempted to take down though. And if I kept using this account, I might not be able to resist.

So that brings us back to yesterday, and my A B and C. And now Option D. Something that I didn't think about yesterday until after I wrote the journal: If I'm going to scrap everything anyway, I could just scrap-pile it all, start fresh on THIS account and wait for a name change function! Furaffinity have been asked and they've said it will be coming soon! And as we all know, when FA says it's coming soon they mean they'll get on it in about 12 years minimum. >~<

Alternatively, DA is now CHARGING YOU MONEY FOR CHANGING YOUR NAME! FUCK THOSE PEOPLE IN THEIR SOUL HOLE! >:( (Fuck the people who came up with it not the people using... You know what I mean still too angry about this to think!)

*siiigh* How flippant I am to the above aside, that's what I was considering yesterday while gone. Just scrap everything, treat it as the past and keep using this account. It would mean having to deal and just get over the name.

So to answer some people who were asking, does the name really bother me that much? Yes. Yes it does.

For the people wondering if this could happen again with the dragon, well it could... I cant rule it out completely. But I don't think it ever will. Me being a dragon has kinda become close to my heart because people have been joking about it from day 1 of arriving on here, and I could list off a dozen or more reasons why it just works, why it feels right, why it's me. My gut has been telling me for years I should've just come up with a dragon sona long before now and that should've been my start on here. ^^

Nick spawned off of Noel, my even older sona. Laughing at how he was a pallete swap was the first joke I made on this account. It felt right for a while, but try as I might I cannot help but see the two as one and the same. And both of them feel like masks now. I know a lot of people loved those characters but I just can't help it. It doesn't mean I'm in any rush to sell the character or kill them off or anything rash like that... In fact the last couple of months I have been trying really REALLY hard to see if there is someway or something I'd want to bring him back for. I've ultimately decided it's just not worth it. Certainly not worth it enough to keep him as the headlining act.

Like I keep saying cause I cant think of another way to describe it, I just don't want to associate with it. And I feel like as long as my username says CATnick, there's no escaping that.

Yesterday when I wrote that journal I had my mind set on a solution. As I got some of those comments, I'll admit I started to second guess myself about that. And now today, I'm back to thinking its the best solution. I'm all over the place.

I probably won't be able to humour it cause my mind is still telling me change that name. But I am really curious what people think of D now that I've laid it out a bit clearer. I'm sorry once again to dump this on everyone so quickly.

Quick edit for clarification: No I'm not planning on deleting anything! I think. It's complicated and reading some of the comments is already making me second guess whether I want to do this or not. >~< But should I create a new account, nothing will be deleted. I'll likely delete my folders and move it all into scraps, but it will stay up.

Alternate title for this journal was gonna be "A fitting end to this year," but I think that one hits the nail on the head a bit more. Yeah no mincing words this time, I'll try to keep it quick. It feels like all I have done from the onset of this year is whine and complain about things in one journal after another after another, even when I say they'll get better, thanks for throwing yet ANOTHER mental roadblock my way world, so I guess its only fitting this is how I wanna close out the year.

There are a bunch of reasons I want to do this, I could list them off like I always do but to cut right to the chase: the main one is just the name and face. It's been what I can only describe as a slow death for naughty CAT nick. It was a slow death for my sona before that too, but I still tried to connect the two at heart. And I remember promising when I first changed my fursona to a dragon last year that I wouldn't do this. I've seen other people change their sona and completely move shop because they just don't feel that's them anymore, and I didn't want to do that... but now I think I get it. I've been trying for months to come up with a way that I can still make the two mesh and work in my head and I can't settle on it and I cant help it. Having an entire gallery of art and stories built around a character I simply do not have a connection to anymore is... off-putting. I don't want to associate with him, I don't want my characters to associate with him. I need my new name to show, I need a fresh start.

So the way I view it I have one of three choices. A: delete all the art in my gallery I don't want up anymore. B: REDO all the art of catnick but with myself as a dragon and recanonize everything, (not that that wouldn't be the first time I've attempted that but KILL ME NOW >'<) C: Move accounts. Start Fresh. Start anew. C seems like the best and simplest choice to me right now.

I want people to know this isn't 100% settled at the moment. This is the warning bell. This is me just typing off my head after months of thinking about where I want to take my work now and the past 3 days of this constantly on my mind... Right now I'm about 90/10 in the start fresh camp, and people would need to talk me out of it as opposed to into it. I'm already making plans to stick everything on here into a scraps folder and prepare for what's ahead.

I'm sorry if this is not what people want to hear from me, around christmas time most of all. I'm hoping if I do go forward with this you'll understand, back me, and still follow me.

Either I'll flip on this again before the months out, or come 2021 this place will be dead and I'll be elsewhere. We'll have to see.

This is another one I was debating writing or just chucking under the bus for about a month and a half. A lots happened behind the scenes and there's a bit too much to get out in one journal. There are a few important things I want to bring up though, and boy is one of them a wall, so strap in...

For starters, its not all doom and gloom despite the journal name. A lot of you probably already noticed but I gave a pretty extensive clean-up to my gallery over that last month. I was getting a lot of pms or messages on discord about the state of it, so I went through with everything short of a death scythe. Everything that's up should be up in good quality, some stuffs been reuploaded like I should've just done YEARS back, and all the imgur/dead links have been fixed. At least on fa; DA is still a mess because DA is still a fucking mess. -_- And there's a chance I missed one or two things if anyone spots them, but otherwise I think we can call that one fixed. I knew that was a multi day job I'd have to just tank through, and it was good to get that weight lifted. ^^

Now to segue into no#2... you may have also have noticed I made one more folder to categorize all my stuff into. A "non canon" folder. And let me tell you the night I first did, there was a LOT more stuff that was going to go in there then currently is. >~<

Bottom line, there are some things that over the last year or so I just don't want to work on/ be associated with anymore. Like.. PONIES! Yeah, I actually expect this to get more negativity then the next thing I bring up, but sorry the boat has sailed on that one. Over the last few years, several things have happened or come up that have really made me want to disassociate myself with that show, the fandom and my art related to it. And no it wasn’t that the show was ending, this has been a long time coming, long before the series finale. (Although the show teen titans go-ing itself certainly didn't help... ^^') I've put off bringing this up because it isn't like this is a dead fandom now the shows gone. Its still prevalent, and there are people out there who still love it and have tried to get me to come around on it again, and you can’t... I just don't like it now, nothing;s gonna change that.

The other thing, and this one I expect less of a reaction to but is way harder in my books... The buried alive stuff. Although it isn't just limited to that... This ones a bit harder to pinpoint the exact reason why I've gone off it after its been such a prevalent kink of mine for so long, but one of the reasons is definitely my association with it as a "snuff artist." I'm not. That has never been my intention while doing those kind of pictures. I'm a peril guy yes, I love almost everything related to that, but even at my darkest I've always sorta approached it with a tongue in cheek mentality that its cartoonish, they'll all be fine, they can come back next week and do it all again. And its selfish but it bugs me to find out people don't take them that way. When I've heard stories about my work being removed from discord or telegram groups because its perceived as snuff, when I've got people coming to me actively wanting to commission it from me for that purpose, when every time I see a "welp he ded" comment on one of them... I'm just... I'm put off. I'm scared to do or get peril art in future of any nature for fear it'll be perceived this way.

I had plans to try and make this halloween a potential sendoff to the above. Work through those problems and get some stuff up related to both. And I nearly had a second mental breakdown trying it. Aside from not wanting to, I don’t think I CAN physically draw these kind of things anymore. Maybe that will change in the future, lord knows I swing so much, but right now if you were thinking of commissioning anything along those lines from me... Please find someone else. I might just do that myself for some of these otherwise dead ideas.

To loop this all back around, what does that mean for the canon/non canon stuff? Well depite the above feelings I've tried to meet it in the middle recently. Anything you see that's labelled "Canon?" with a question mark? That means I'm indifferent. A lot of them are commissions with friends and if they have this stuff in them, I don't want to discourage the makers or people in them. So if you want to take them as "happened" I wont be bothered. Anything labelled non canon or in the non canon folder though? Yeah that is definitively out. It might be great! But I don't want it taken at face value or associated with it right now. >~<

*sigh*

I know this is gonna sound funny but after yet another giant wall of negativity, I actually want to end this journal on a positive note. How? Well despite not making anything for halloween this year and all that above, I've actually been really good mentally lately. How good? Good enough to be considering commissions. >~< Yeah, my OCD has been in overdrive and my FA page isn't the only thing I've been putting it to work on. I'm making something of a gameplan for when I come back, and I might be able to implement before the years out.

I know there's probably equal people ready to tell me that's great, and ready to strangle me and call me a madman for coming back this soon... that's why I'm not going to go into it too much in this journal. More likely the next which will hopefully be a far more positive note again. Until then the situation is "We'll see."

As always thanks for reading if you got this far. See you all at the next one.

I've been trying to draft this up since the start of august. I keep putting it off, I was hoping to get some more uploads up to soften the blow. But I have to get it out today because the longer I wait the worse it's going to get and the next train wreck real life mess will come my way...

So first of all hi guys, I have to be the bearer of bad news again. I've already said most of this in my discord server about a week ago, so if you've read it there then you don't have to look at it all again. For everyone else though, rip the bandaid off: I am cancelling my commissions list again. All of the tiers, all of the slots, I'm wiping it clean. Now what this means is:

A: If you've already got a slot from me and the work is in a started state, I will attempt to finish it. I can't guarantee it though, in some instances I'll only be able to finish it partly. I'm looking into finding possible collab situations where someone else could pick up where I left off with the psd files or whatever. I'll talk to people individually if they're okay with that kind of compromise.

B: I am refunding what I can, partly or fully, regardless of the above. I don't want there to be any bad blood over money with this, so that's a given and also, if you're okay with the collab ideas above, I'll do everything I can to organize that at no extra cost to you.

If you don't fit into the above and/or I haven't' started on your actual commission yet, I'm very sorry, but I'm not going to be able to. I initially said in my server it was passion. I've somehow lost my passion to work on certain things, and I feel bad about that cause when I agreed to these ideas, I know I probably sounded the total opposite at the time. I was invested. At some point over the last year or so I have lost the drive to work on anything, and until I can find a way to get it back, I'm done stringing people along on the chance I'll get to this stuff.

That all still stands, but since then and on top of that the world has thrown all it can in the last week or so to absolutely break me. I don't want to elaborate on that right now, but it falls into the category of "Family matters." Family bullshit, to be blunt. Something is going on in my life and every single day a new piece of bullshit is flung my way. Until that is resolved, I can't even begin to think about any long term work on this kind of stuff.

So yeah, another depressing journal. I'm not planning to delete things, (in fact I'm looking into people who could keep backups of all my unfinished stuff in the even I can't get on a computer in the future. Because yeah... that's a real possibility too, fuck my life. -_-) and there is still room for me to come back to this. I've been jokingly saying at some point in the future I'll be streaming proper again and we'll have "Make Nick Great Again" days. >w< There's room for this to continue but I would not blame a single person for wanting to look elsewhere right now. In fact I recommend it.

So... yeah. I'll try to let everyone I can know what's going on just in case you don't see this journal. The link to the list will go down soon after. And for now, Nick the Bogan Dragon Spawn of the Devil (don't ask >w<) signing off.

So yeah where did that year go? >.>

First off, thanks to all the people who gave me those wonderful comments about my last journal, public ally or privately. I'm saying that because I realise disappearing again just after... I probably gave people the wrong idea with that. No, obligatory "I'm not dead, I feel fine!" reply time. ^^ Have a hard time believing the death stranding of a world is still real some days, but I'm not planning on going anywhere of my own volition.

To keep a journal short for once, I just plain didn't have anything to show. Oh I've been working on stuff sure, but everything's just been sketches or stuck in a 95.999999% complete stage, getting really fussy, not happy with it... and before I know it more then half the year's gone by. I lost exactly an entire month of my life to some personal bullshit and getting sick, (put the pitchforks down it's just a cough tim! >w<) and so much of the year's gone by one of the sites I'm on has committed seppuku while I was away! But that's a story for a second journal... XD

I've got some stuff ready now, so I will get to some uploads soon for everyone to enjoy. But until I break the dry spell or have some more to show, I'm really not sure what to do. :/ If people really want me to keep this page active, I've got some incomplete or older stuff I'm tempted to put up. Certainly wont be my usual standard but it might fill the void? I'll leave that up to you.

Besides that I really, more then ever hope that everyone is getting by in the hellscape that's currently unfolding. Keeping you all in my prayers, believe me. Dragon signing off, hopefully see you's soon.

I feel like this deserves its own journal, not only cause it's shaping up to be 5 pages as I write this but I don't want to put it in with all that other stuff from before. It's turning into almost a mini biography! XD Maybe I will start making a habit of writing personal journals again from time to time, and this'll kick that off. That said, this might get a little too personal. If you're still reading by the end, I appreciate it.

But yeah, lots of people doing this kind of thing, and mine is a bit late to the party, but I'm gonna put my own spin on it. Looking back on the last decade... I do want to kind of just personally sum up how it has felt to me. But to spoil how this journal is going to end... thank you.

(Also keep in mind the details of this are all still a bit mushy in my head, I went through a lot of my older uploads to see if dates or ideas matched up with the recollection of when they happened in my head. A lot does and I tried my best, but I probably still messed a few things up over time. It's only inevitable over the course of nearly 13+ years. ^^)

The decade for me didn't actually start in 2010. It started in march 2007. That was the year I lost my dad. You might notice I've said that about anytime someone or something close to me has died "I lost them." It's a genuine thing of feeling like they are lost. I'll eventually find my way back to them, and in the meantime... make this shitheap of a world work somehow.

That was what the last discussion with my dad was about, we were talking on the phone about where I wanted to take my life. At the time... I really wanted to get into writing somehow. Other things had fell through but I was working on a novel and I was looking for a job in journalism maybe? Something to keep my mind fresh while I branched out. We spoke for about an hour on the phone about all of this and then he signed off with "See you on Thursday." Those are the last words I heard.

I finished that novel I was telling him about a few months after he died. I won't go into my feelings about that story right now, but needless to say I dedicated it to him at the time and then... What now? There was that horrible, horrible feeling starting, what now? For a long time there was no now to me. I was an anarchist and drifted for nearly two and a half years doing nothing but starting fights, contemplating literally going out in a blaze of glory fighting someone, or worse just suicide. I told people I never got suicidal at the time, and it was a lie, there were lots of times I contemplated just taking a knife and putting it into my heart...

Finally, sometime in late 2009 after just boredly sitting at home playing games and watching shows on the web, (I think I was marathonning MST3k I was so bored. ^^) no friends, almost no family, almost no outlet... I discovered gimp 2.4, and I started randomly drawing digitally. Scanning stuff in and tracing it. At the time it was just silly little sketches of some older abandoned ideas but after a while I started fleshing out that world more and coming up for characters in it. Inevitably I went on to the beginnings of the stuff you've come to know on this channel as well. I started having people who saw them tell me they really did like them and I should peruse it, but I still didn't think I'd ever reach that level...

Then in 2010... I saw and ad for and read Dreamkeepers.

That genuinely kicked it all off. After looking at all that amazing art and watching david lillie's tutorials on youtube, I felt reborn. I didn't plan on making any comics myself at the time, I was still scared of it and planning to make an illustrated book instead, (and looking back I wont beat around the bush, I was still terrible. ^^) But now that void was feeling a little less empty. Now I felt like I could make something of this. Now it was a mission.

It stayed a mission throughout a good 4 years in various incarnations. I still stayed mostly a lurker and kept away from furry stuff officially, but sometime between 2012 and 2013, I had an odd dream about dressing up in a white cat fursuit. I think you all know what that inevitably led to. XD I was still hiding a huge body of my stuff from people, embarrassed at older work even then. But so many people kept telling me that I was onto something with my stories or my art, I just had to find that breakout thing that would make it all worth it. I was optimistic.

2015 is when all that changed. I kept posting things well into 2016, but the seed of all the problems I had started then. I was doing extensive rewrites of the main story I was working on and could not get the following parts off the ground, I was in the midst of redesigning all the characters for it, I kept inevitably getting newer ideas for new stories and posting stuff up of them, I was trying to learn to use both a new program and a tablet for the first time, ALL of these exact same things were also happening to another close friend nearby... and I couldn't help either of us. Nobody was biting. Nobody seemed interested anymore... I burned. I crashed and burned hard, and it all felt pointless.

By early 2016, I had thrown almost everything I had at the time into a folder, cut ties with several people and I never planned to work on any of those stories or ideas I'd come up with ever again. I wasnt' even sure if I'd keep my fursona, I was ready to just quit online entirely.

And then... there was the second big revitalisation. One of the few things I can give an exact date for, July 10th 2016. Probably about 2am my time. MXL started streaming. XD

I was bored again, I was directionless again. And this time, I somehow got over my massive jitters and said hi to both him and the people there. Just joking, just enjoying the show. And then it happened: the biggest surprise came when someone there made an offhand joke about being put into the suit he was drawing back the front...

Every jitter I had died. Without missing a beat, I summoned all my courage and made a joke about how I'd find it funnier if it was upside down too. And nobody ridiculed me. Nobody judged me. Nobody treated me like a freak. Least of all MXL himself! It didn't stay the topic as much as I wanted it to, but the more I talked and opened up about some of this stuff, the more people started to ask me if I had a page or drew...

I kept coming to those streams which were pretty frequent at the time, but I kept my head down and didn't tell them very much. This went on a few weeks. Finally, I sat down and said "fuck it." I redesigned a couple of my characters one more time...

Almost all of you know how the rest of this decade turned out from there. For better or worse. For me, no question: better. And in the middle of all that nonsense up there I'd say the two stand out moments the most are absolutely discovering dreamkeepers and that MXL stream, inspiring me to get over the biggest thorns in my side. I mean I know it probably sounds ridiculous to some people, but I also don't need to tell you I'm not the only one brought up in a house or environment where you're made to feel like shit for being you. It was practically giving me anxiety attacks at the time.

At risk of telling future time travellers how best to erase me from the timeline... XD Without those two events, for one reason or another, I most definitely would not be here today. You would not have helped change me into the person I am, and I would not have helped you. You guys give me a purpose. That's sounds like such a cliche but its so true. Thank you.

So why did I feel like sitting down and writing all this today? Because it's 2020. It's a new decade, for me it's almost 10 years since that first event that sparked all this off. And because it is starting out to be a shit of a year, for so many people. The perfect capstone for all the crap that's come during this decade. And I've been here before, I should feel so hopeless, it should fill me with absolute despair. But despite all that, I can't lie: There is still a tiny little bit of Noel living on in me going, all the way back from 2007... "You're important. You can still help. You can still make this shitheap of a world work."

So... what now?





Thank you very much. And thank you very much if you read this far.

The long quiet that I always fall victim to. >~< Don't worry this time the uploadphobia's in check, I always intended to keep this one fairly short, just until I got that christmas stuff out of the way. One month over is honestly a pretty good rate for me on a christmas picture. XD I still got a lot of stuff from last year to get up, but I should be doing most of that in february.

So this is gonna be a bit of a typical update journal from me. I've got a few more changes coming this year and I want to let everyone in on them, starting with...


Schedule!

Yeah this is the big one. I'm going to be forcing myself into the initiative of working more often by giving myself a daily/weekly schedule! ^^ Been testing the waters again and it's been working fine, so here's how it'll go for now:

Monday - Personal projects day. Free reign in a nutshell, I'll be drawing pretty much whatever I want to.

Tuesday - Commissions. The slogan in my head being "Tuesday Duesday." XD I'll work on whatever I can related to ongoing or overdue commissions.

Wednesday - Retro/Repair Day. I'll go into a little bit more about this below, but this one might be a bit jarring - I'm going to be going back and touching up older art that I think needs a literal new coat of paint.
(Ps, this day is the most likely to make the cut for other stuff if it doesn't' go well. Again, more on that below.)

Thursday - Game/Comic Dev Day. Again, a lot more about that below. ^^

Friday - Fursuit/Femsuit Friday. Personal and/or commissions, pretty much anything related to suiting art'll be done here.

Saturday - My day off, I might work on this if I feel up to it but otherwise I'll just play some games, watch some shit, unwind.

Sunday - Awoo. Yeah I bet a lot of you thought you were never gonna see that make the light of day again? >:3 Sunday I'll be working on new stuff for the wolf comic.

Timezones are going to make this a bit tricky, but for the most part the schedule applies to australian days/times. There's enough overlap that I might transition one day into the next. ^^ That's that in a nutshell though, onto...


Retro stuff?

So this pertains to wednesday up there... Wednesday is a day where I'll be going back to older stuff. That might mean stuff I uploaded in 2016, I might recreate some of my older pictures with newer techniques I've learned since? Or I might work on and release some stuff that never made it past the cutting boards from those years? If you're wondering about commissions yes, this is something I'll consider doing for older work if the commissioners don't mind the upgrade? (It's most likely going to be free anyway, this is just for my OCD and training more then anything else. ^^)

But it could also mean... *sigh* Many of you know I have an archive of older stuff. It stretches almost all the way back to 2009 and I'm really not proud of a lot of the stuff there. Despite that it's a lot of unfinished sketches and it's something I keep going back through and retouching. I can't seem to help myself, I want it done, I want it out of my mind... but I also don't want it to dull me or interfere with other things. It's done that in the past until I rage and throw it all out and forget about it again.

Except a funny thing happened towards the end of last year. I went back through some older HDD's I'd kept, and I found something really surprising and lucky - a folder with a lot of those older pictures with their original dates intact. I was terrible at keeping track of that at the time. So for once, finally, I was able to actually order the pictures and stop that folder being a giant amorphous mess! Now the cycle is basically continuing again where I want to go back and work on some of this stuff with a fresh mind. Except this time I'm thinking... upload them?

Yeah, I'm thinking of starting a new series, working title "Classique Nique." ^^ If you don't mind seeing some sometimes truly atrocious art, (at least from my perspective,) I think I can get over my jitters and start uploading them? I know I'm not gonna be able to help myself and I'll be working on that either way, but I'm curious if people wouldn't mind seeing some old crap with the new crap?

Which leads to finally...


Game Dev/Comic?

Thursday up there is another tricky one. I've been fence sitting on this for a long time, but I'll be making a new alt account this year. I really don't want to go back to my old one, I'm still PTSD about a lot of the stuff I worked on there... Just want to let that sit as a time capsule...

But I am making a new one, and as you guessed, it'll be for both a SFW game and comic I'm working on. (Both furry but separate universes, not related. XD) One of them IS something from that old account that people might be very glad to see come back. It started its life as a lot of iterations from a game to a novel to a comic, now it's going back to its roots as a game again. The other is... a new twist on an old thing I never gave any love to... It's gonna be a bit of a passion project and I hope I don't lose that passion again. ^^

I don't know how many people will become re/invested in either yet, I'll be pouring a lot into them so obviously I hope for the best. But unlike above, I will be uploading these either way, just to that new account. May also migrate some art over to there if it's related.


I think that's everything to kick off the year for me. Thanks all if you read this, with everything going on in the world right now I hope you're doing okay, and I sure hope 2020 ends better then it's started.

Just gonna be a short journal this time. I know, the world might be coming to an end. XD

So I got my backlog up yesterday, and some Halloween-y themed stuff I got as commissions up today, hopefully people enjoy those. I have about 4-5 halloween themes pictures of my own coming, but due to some annoying real life bs (what else is new... >.>) , none of them were ready by the 31st this time. They're still coming but obviously going into overtime again, I'll try not to keep you all waiting.

After that, I'm going to start getting to work on commissions again which brings me to point 2: Showing off that list in my last journal seems to have had a bit of an averse effect on some people. I've had a few comments or pm's saying thing like "I'd love to commission you but you've got so much I don't want to pile on top of that..."

Please... no. I already feel like I was intimidating people off before, I'm sorry for that, and I don't want that to suddenly take over in its place. The whole thing with the tiers is entirely to keep it manageable and less stressful to myself. Trust me, it's working. So if you have an idea or want to commission me, don't be scared off from dropping me a line, please. Now is the time. XD

Alright, hopefully I'll have more coming soon, you all have a great day and happy Halloween! ^^

Okay, promised I wouldn't leave you guys hanging and I don't intend to, certainly don't intend to disappear for another 7 months despite many little demons urging me to do so, so here we go, got some big things to talk about...

I'll be getting a lot of uploads up over the next few days, finally. I don't know about today, really need to get past the "Uploadphobia" phase which has hit me hard again. >~< It didn't help much but since I completely lost track of everything again, I pretty much hit the nuke button a few times on FA/DA again. Because of those two things I definitely know I'm going to be missing/forgetting things to fave and upload, so I ask you to please be patient with me and let me know if you see something that's missing or I forgot to get to.

Besides that, I've got (as the journal probably clued you off ^^) three big things I want to mention...

DISCORD
First off, I've left an unbelievable amount of people hanging on discord I know, and I am so disappointed in myself for missing these messages or not responding. People have laid it out for me how irritating that can be and I still fell into the trap, so in the next few weeks I'm finally going to be coming online proper and keeping a eye on stuff like that for once.

I'm also finally going to open up... my discord room! Yes I've been "Trial" running a discord room for quite some time now with a few select friends. I say trial running because the [first time I tried to make a discord room, it failed spectacularly and I killed it after only an hour or two. Really wanted to make sure that didn't happen again before I opened it up.

Which I'm going to finally do! https://discord.gg/qeKZnrn (Sorry if this ran out of on you, fixed now. ^^) is the link, I'll put it up on my front page too after a while. Feel free to drop in, maybe you'll have some fun chatting. Really dont know how many people will take me up on that, but if nothing else it's a location you can absolutely corner me in real time now. ^w^

GALLERY
Some of you with a keen eye probably noticed my page was in a... certain state of disarray for a while. >///< I've tried to go back and fix any mistakes and reorganize everything, but those of you with an even keener eye will probably notice a lot of pictures have changed resolution too. Yeah I went a bit kill crazy a few months back and scaled down almost everything. All pictures are gonna be uploaded in x1080 or as close as possible to x1080 in future now. That doesn't count for pictures I commission (I'll always upload them in highest possible if I have it,) but that will hopefully make browsing FA easier.

Now all the missing links to the split up pictures or the original sized pictures? They're not going to stay gone. I'm working on putting all of it into an archive and making them avaliable for download somewhere. I don't have that ready right now because it's still missing some of the newer stuff on/going onto my page, and I want to find a way to store them that will make it easy for you to quickly track down pictures you want without having to ask me.

Push comes to shove I always have google drive, and I'm willing to use that if nothing else presents itself. But if anyone has suggestions of a better place or way to store an archive like that, I'll be open to it, and I'll get the link up hopefully in the next few days.

COMMISSIONS
And third, and just... God dammit this one's hard to say, feel my body fighting back against it already, commissions are... open Open, they're OPEN?! NICKS OPEN?! >'<

Yes. Actually yes. Hell of a time to do it cause I have halloween stuff coming, (halloween stuffs closed. XD You cant win them all,) but I am actually opening for business again. :3 I've been trying out a new system for the last month or so that's working, that involves doing things in "tiers" of difficulty, easiest to hardest. Now if people don't mind that system, me doing quicker and simpler ideas and waiting when they end up on those higher difficulty tiers... Then technically, I can stay open indefinitely this time! It's worth a shot, and it's got to be better then indefinitely closed.

Now, I've got a list to help me keep track of all that and any that'll go on, and that list is going to be uploaded... right now actually! Actually yeah, this one I touched up and got uploaded last night, and you can actually go and check it right now, link here! https://drive.google.com/open?id=1N.....pgZhQVkoktGJAR Right now it looks like an incredibly ghetto trello list, (and btw yes I am seriously thinking of putting all this in a trello as well ^^) but it's doing it's job, and that's keeping my stuff in order and my OCD in check.

An up to date price sheet isn't ready just yet, but it's coming in the next few days as well. Now I'm still super scared, still incredibly anxious and expecting to get a flood of ideas I won't be able to keep up with... Not sure if I have a "but" to add to that yet. :/ I am going to try it regardless. So any of you got stuff in mind, now's the time to get out your ref sheets, and you know where to find me.


I'll leave it up to you guys if I was the bearer of good news for once. Gonna steal a line from a certain fox I know for my outro this time: You stay awesome. XD

Most misleading title ever (unless you count the fact I physically am blue now. :P)

I'm doing okay truthfully, and thank you everyone for the best birthday wishes. :3 I tried to keep my head down like always because I really like to keep my birthdays quiet and not making a big deal out of them. And this year I... kinda got my wish actually! Seems like it flew under the radar and not many people knew at first, (well except on deviantart, thank you deviantart for emblazening and counting down the minutes. >~<) so in other words, just the way I like it.

That said, again, thank you all who did wish me a good one or get me a little something, I saw them and they meant the world to me and I had to come out of the woodwork to show that. I might even get a few of them up soon if I have the permission. ^w^

(On that subject I know, I am still being terrible and MIA online, but at least this time I can say something other then sorry: I promise you I'm not letting anything depress me or force me to disappear for another 8 months. In fact I might deliberately write myself into a corner right now and say you'll hear some important things very soon about what I've been up to :3)

Thank you all, and I'll see you's very soon. ^^

That folks, is what 7+ months of backlog and one OCD sleep deprived guy can do. I am so sorry... >w< I mean I'm sure a lot of you don't mind but I feel like I just came in with an upload minigun and kept firing til it was empty. I had to get that out of my head and system while I could. ^///^

I still have a few more things to get up tomorrow but they're mostly new refs and refs sheets, (at which point I'll give a better explanation for that final comic I posted... >w<) I feel like I got to all the important stuff I had to dish out today, though there's still plenty overdue. Thanks for tolerating me. ^^

Okay I have got people leaving me messages like "Miss you!" "I hope everything's okay for you?" "Hope things have improved" etc... Thank you all for those messages, it means a lot to know people worry about me, but I think I've been away too long again and have to set the record straight before people worry even further. I'll try to keep it condensed because I swear this is now the 4th or 5th journal I've had to leave in a row telling you all how things haven't improved, and it feels like a shtick, it feels like its getting old. :(

To answer the question that seems to be on everyone's mind... Well you read the title, I'm guessing, you know the answer. I'm not okay. I'm here, I'm breathing, I'm doing my best to keep an eye on things, but I'm not okay.

A few months ago, march 5th to be exact, I lost a pet. Her name was Roxy, she was a little white terrier you may have seen or heard barking on my streams occasionally. She's been with me for 10 years and has been battling chronic diseases for most of that. She's been an incredible fighter. But she couldn't do it forever and she passed away peacefully on that date.

There has not been a single night since that I haven't had some kind of breakdown. I'm literally breaking down into tears as I write this, or any other time I've drafted this up. She wasn't just a pet to me. I called her "My baby girl" constantly. She meant the absolute world to me and losing her has fundamentally changed me. I'm not the same Nick you all met 4 years ago, or possibly even earlier then that.

So I'm not okay. I don't know if this is ever going to go away and the breakdowns and the bouts of apathy and depression I've been getting from it... You really don't want me around you when I'm like this. Especially if you suffer from similar problems yourself, I'm only going to amplify them.

So what's happening, can I give you a bit of an update? I dunno, but as always I'll try... I still have a backlog of things to get up, so that's still coming in case anyone thinks my page is "Dead." XD I'll pick a day and upload. I even have a tribute picture I did of my girl, but I don't know where or if I'm going to put that up yet. Doesn't seem right to me to have it either sandwiched between a load of kink on here or a load of memes and drama on twitter. >~<

Commissions, I can't even begin to think about. There's a few left I owe people, but I keep getting asked on my streams or pm's when I'll be open again, and the truth is every time they ask me this hole opens up in my gut. I'm sorry all, but I can't even think about it properly right now.

And on the subject of pm's, about that... >~< I've been ignoring them. Most of you probably figured that out, I feel really guilty about that and I'm sorry to anyone fed up with me CONTINUING to be radio silent. I usually check everything but I've finally been overwhelmed and I'm going to have to hit those nuke buttons when I come back. I promise I'll try to go through as many comments and pms as I can before that though, and get back to you if I can. ^^

Also, as little good news as I have, I am in a better money position now and I'm slowly going to nudge back onto the people I was supporting on patreon, and maybe a few more. I hope what I can give helps you all out in your own life dealings. :3

I know I've missed a lot, I know I've been absent for ages again, and I'm not going to make any concrete promises this time because I'm clearly not the kind of person who can stick to them in my state. But I promise to try.

Skip to the words "Oingo Boingo Whoopsy Knickers" if you want to know what's going on without the rant. >w<

Ok, my social anxiety will officially be an endemic thing if I don't get this information out and explain this somewhere, so might as well just blurt it out. Hey again all! Sorry for the incredibly long time gone. I will have an explanation for that in just a bit, and it all happened in a bit of a flash and that's largely why I didn't really have time to fill everyone in or keep them in the loop, so sorry about that.

Now first, despite absolutely everything I'm about to say, I really genuinely hope you all had a good time over christmas, and a good new year so far. I don't bring my personal life or thoughts into these much so you're just gonna have to take a lot of this at my word, but 2018 was a washout year for me. A lot of bad things happened to people I knew and/or cared a lot about, a lot of idiots got away with horrible things they did scot free. Even I was a humongous asshole at times I admit, and the whole entire thing seemed to prove we're living in the mirror universe out of star trek. So I hope that christmas and this new year are providing a lot of you a much needed respite and you had fun with your families and got some cool presents.

You know what I got as my christmas present this year? An eviction notice. -_-

Now if I were to name said real estate and house owner, I imagine they'd absolutely flip at it being referred to that way... But I'm going to keep calling it an eviction notice because that's what it bloody was! I broke no rules, I did no damage to the house, I did nothing to warrant an eviction. I just got chucked out because the owner said "Hey I wanna move back in without any warning so just get out. I'll give you two months." Two months starting in december. You know, december? When all the real estates go away on holiday, effectively turning 2 months notice into under 1 month? You fucking imbecile?! >:(

Cap the year off with that. Me searching desperately for a new place, making sure all my files and stuff were safe, getting rid of practically everything in the house that wasn't needed, wondering if I was going to have to lose my pets, stressing me to my absolute breaking point at one of the worst times of the year to do all this stuff... and you can probably see why the christmas cat didn't feel like coming to the party this year.

But that's only half the reason why I've been gone this long. I've been gone because when I did get a small miracle and finally find a place and move in and at last get some much needed peace of mind... Optus, my ISP, the bastard son of comcast and shiva, saw fit to cut us off at the new place for over a month and a half. For over A MONTH AND A HALF they were constantly pushing back dates with no explanation of why I wasn't receiving internet, why it was taking so long to get on, or why nothing was being done to fix it. With phone calls usually resulting in me getting put on hold for eternity and hung up on, or just hung up on without any reason.
My parents have been with optus for longer then I was alive. I've personally been with them about 10 years. And they have done something like this every time I've moved. I don't know how they ever got down from the branches of trees long enough to function as a company, and this was the last straw. I've kicked them to the curve and I hope I never have to deal with them again.

I won't tell you exactly who I've gone with instead just yet, some of you know, but trust me when I say they blew optus out of the water from second one and have been nothing but a joy to work with! :3 The one downside remaining now is I'm sadly stuck on wi-fi at the new place, (no good way to wire things up without ripping half the house apart,) but at least I do have proper internet again.

So yeah, all of this has left me in a bit of a PTSD state where I'm not going to feel safe living in my own home for a while, and I'm still cutting down on what furniture and stuff I have so that if I need to move again in a few months, I can. I'd really like to be able to say I'm back to normal. But things are sadly going to be far from back to normal for a long time.

Oingo Boingo Whoopsy Knickers! :P

So where does that leave everything? Well I'd say I'm about $3000 out of pocket. :S Yeah, adding up bond, moving fees and the extra I had to spend to keep my phone on while optus screwed us round, and I'd say I might even be a bit over that. So there goes the fursuit fund! Again! >~< That means...

1: I'm afraid I've had to cancel all my subscriptions/patreons, and it's probably gonna be that way for a while. At first I did that just cause I honestly didn't know when I'd be online again. But the more I debate it with myself, I'm sorry all. I'm going to have to leave them for a while until I can build my bank up again. (Ps If there's any discord servers or places I shouldn't be anymore, please let me know and I'll duck out.)
2: I'm not going to be thinking about getting any commissions for a while either. No matter how much I might be desiring a few right now... >:3 No, have to hold back. Same reason, obviously.
3: No fursuits. (And trust me, this is harder then most of you realize right now. >w<) I made a lot of jabs to people last year that I had enough for fursuits now and I'd consider bringing some to life, but that is definitely on hold like I mentioned above. And I say again cause it feels like this sort of thing happens every time I plan for one. >~< (If any of you guys know a maker who will make just a bodysuit individually, it'd be greatly appreciated please. I have a partial I'd really like to debut but I told myself I'd get a bodysuit first. So that's a maybe depending on price range.)

And that's about it. I'm not gonna get into discussing where I'm at work-wise yet, cause that'll fill up a whole other journal. I'll get uploaded what I can, and get back to everyone I haven't about theirs asap. About the only thing I can add here is, just... don't be expecting a late "big christmas picture" or "Night of the xmas cats" this year. And probably any year after this, either. My latest avatar's not nick for a reason, and I'll explain better another time, but all that bullshit that happened... it was the last straw for a lot of things for me. >~<

I'm sorry to anyone who didn't know what was going on or why I went dark, and I'll try to slowly catch up on pictures and pms I missed while I was gone. It's been a rough few months, and I'll try my best to make it up to everyone.

Every person has a breaking point. I feel like I reached mine. >~<

Hello all, first of all I want to apologize for not being around as much again. I kinda fell into a very serious depression a little while back and I'm still not out of it. Now, I haven't been followed by this many people when I've got this way in the past, so this time I've found out when you're depressed and people know it, you tend to get a lot "virtual hugs." >w< And can I just say every single one of those has meant the world to me, you have no idea. There's a reason why when I know someone has it, I don't try to "cure" it. I've been there myself, it can't be, the most you can do is just help them along, and I don't want anyone thinking they haven't. Believe me, it's meant so much I can't put it into words. :3

But part of that problem is my own making. I haven't wanted to talk about what put me here to anyone. I mean it's a combination of several dozen things, but there was one straw, one person that broke the camels back. And I didn't want to talk about it because I knew I'd get angry and name them. I'm still ungodly angry and maybe by the end of this you'll understand why, but a lot calmer about it now, and I think I can be decent about not giving this persons identity away. But I do have to talk about it.

The reason this hit me so hard is this person was a bit of an idol. There was a period transitioning from my old account to this one where I was super down like I am now. And this was one of the people who lifted me back up and reinvigorated me. So yes, in a funny way, you potentially have this person to thank for how Nick and friends came to be! :3 I had a lot of respect for them.

Well, lately they decided to start being very snappy to me when I was round them in streams or rooms etc. Nobody else was getting this, just me. I didn't let that problem sit, I eventually confronted them on discord about it because when you single a person out, that's person's gonna feel, what a shocker, singled out! I know, quite a concept, right? >~<

The answer I got I'm going to paraphrase. It was to the effect of "I hate X about you. And I'm not going to tell you exactly what X is. But it bothers me so much that if you come into places when I'm around, I'm going to ignore you, or tell you to shut up." They did apologize, and followed this up by saying I shouldn't have to change just for them. To their credit, those are the only decent bones I am going to throw them out of this whole thing.

You can probably imagine how the rest of that conversation went. I haven't got a reply since and I don't expect one. Needless to say, I'm not going to be following that person anymore, getting commissions from that person anymore, going into their streams etc.
And I'm incredibly sorry to anyone who chooses to multistream with them, but I'm not going to be coming into yours when you do either. I do not want to be around this person right now.

If me simply being around them is really going to bother them that much, problem solved.

So welcome to my life for the last week. This unyielding anger, followed by exasperating every other frustrating thing out there, followed by me coming off that anger into endless depression for the rest of the day. And every time I think I've gotten it out of my system and can get back to working, rinse and repeat.

Is this really the kind of effect I can have on people? I joke about it, being the party pooper etc, but now I'm really starting to wonder! Look, if I have ever done anything that's offended any of you, the first thing I want you to do is TELL ME WHAT IT IS. I might agree and try to avoid it, I might say I think you're fussing over nothing and not. You can think I'm an asshole for that, I might even agree with you. Whatever, at least when I know, I can work through that with you! That's more of a courtesy then I got this time. And no, I don't care what it actually was that bothered this person anymore. Too little too late.

I just... I just want this hateful feeling to stop now, and I can't get it to... >~<

I've made a decision over the last few days and left every discord and telegram group I was in, barring patreon ones. I'll probably be leaving them too. Might seem a bit stupid and impulsive, but I couldn't stay. I've fought a lot this year and stood by what I've said almost always, but I just can't do that right now. I can't sit there, wondering with everything I say if is going to kick off a hate parade. Far as I'm concerned, I need to step away from group socializing completely for a while.

This is not going to be me going away completely and one thing I have to make clear: this isn't a burnout. I'm still getting random ideas and wishing I had the energy to pick up that pen and stream. If I'd burnt out I wouldn't even be able to look at a blank canvas. So I'll still be working on stuff if I get into a good enough state for it. And I'll still be staying in touch with friends and commissioners. How often that's going to happen though? I can't say.

Thank you for reading all of this if you did. Not much more to say except I'm just sorry. I really wish I had something better to tell you guys in closing.

(PS: There's two other things I need to mention. First: I have the journal about the wolves fully written up. I cannot commit to that anymore in my current state, but it's gotten so many people interested that if you don't want to be left hanging, I can upload it after this one.

And second: If you know or think you know who I've been talking about above, I'm going to ask that you please keep it you yourself. I don't want this person being harassed so any comments like, "Is it X?" "Did X do this to you?" I'll be hiding those without hesitation. Please keep this respectful.)

It's that time again. Although I realized a few days ago that I have a few too many journals called "Update X" or "X update." I need to stop being so informal already, stretch these out instead of dumping them all at once! So let's not call i an update this time and go with something appropriate for the month with a spooky journal!

Boogidyboo. :>

Okay so first of all I feel I gotta give an update on the cat. Yeah you remember the cat? For those who care, how's that coming along? Terribly! Just awfully, she doesn't fit in, hates my company and isn't happy here! I honestly think she's gonna have to go back to her original home.
>:3

Now, halloween! >w< I have good news and bad news and the bad news is I bit off way more then I can chew this month. I seriously didn't have any plans, I was ready to skip over it. And then idea idea idea idea idea... XD Some you will see, some you probably wont until next year, but unfortunately I don't think any of them are gonna be ready before the 31st at this rate. I'm sorry once again to some of my commissioners, I really tried to work on both and stay on track, but life just wouldn't let me. >~< Things should be back to normal next month.
If you guys don't mind halloween doing a bit of overtime, I'll be posting them in november instead. Better late then never, right? In the meantime I do have some great commissions I got that are appropriate and I might put them up over halloween night to fill the void. ^^

Speaking of some stuff/commissions I've been working on are going up today. Now this doesn't apply to them too much since I'd already drawn most of them beforehand, but I want you guys to know I'm suffering from a little something atm. I'm calling it "Attack of the uncanny valley." Hopefully the sequels revenge, revelations and prequel origins will all be cancelled. ^^
I thought this just applied to my characters, but no it's across the board. I'm doing exactly what I always do but I feel like my brain shuts off or things don't look furry or anime enough or.... just aren't right. That's the same phrase that keeps popping into my head, hence dubbing it uncanny valley. So what I'd like is for people who are critical of my stuff, anything that's going up past today please be even more critical! If you see something that doesn't look right with faces, proprortions, angles etc, let me know in comments or pms etc. I'm never going to improve and might risk regressing if I become complacent in this. :3

Oh and wolves... (this one only applies to fa XD) No, I haven't forgotten, it just turns out conveying all the stuff to do with that in one journal's a lot harder then I thought as well. ^^' More info on that coming soon!

Thanks as always for listening. ^^

Ok I'm writing this journal a bit spontaneous for once, but it's become enough of a thing I think I need to let people know.

I'm very sorry to my commissioners, but I don't think I'm going to be able to stream for a while, and my work is gonna slow down for about a week or so. I'll keep trying to get that comic up on a schedule, and I'll work where I can and answer all the pms and comments when I can,, but its gonna be a little while before I can try to beast mode or do long work runs again.

The reason is I've kinda been cornered on something and ended up with a pet cat. >w<

This wasn't an impulse buy or anything, but this was sudden. The cat is my grandmothers, and she was looking to get it a new home anyway, since it belonged to my granddad before he died and was "his" cat, essentially. But on top of that, it's also extremely sick, and she could not afford to get the operations to fix it. She basically had two choices, put the cat down, or find someone who was willing to take it off her hands and did have the money to help out.

In the words of the grail knight, "you have chosen... wisely." XD

For the last two days she's been recovering from the op and getting used to being in a new place. Today's the first day she's been out and wandering and she's still a little scared, but not of my dogs, and they aren't bothered by her. I still think I need a few days to make sure she settles in fine, but I think that's the worst of the red flags out of the way and I'm a lot less stressed then I was. ^^'

I really hope you all understand I had to do this, I'm sorry for slowing things down again, and I'll try to be back to normal soon.

Hey again all, it's time for another long rambling update from the kitty cat. >w<

Where have I been? Um... Malignantly antisocial. And that's the positive spin. >~< I'm like this a lot but it's struck and stuck really bad lately. Among other things I'm seriously considering leaving discord and telegram, cause I don't contribute to anything anymore, I'm just a lurker who's never online. Also REALLY thinking of flat out never touching twitter again, cause while seeing all the good stuff there is amazing, it only takes seeing one bad tweet from someone so stuck up his own ass and contridicting themselves in their very same sentence to put me in a bad mood for the rest of the day...

I'm really not happy with what I've seen the fandom turn into these past few months... >:(

But vague statement of vague vagary, since I don't really see any positive to calling out specific fuckwits. Yet, anyway... That's my mental trail out of the way, let's move onto something a little more positive!

Uploads!

I stuck to my guns, I got all the sketch stuff finished by the date I set. Still got a lot to upload, but I moved onto more important things and commissions again. And it got away from me again, my folders just kept getting bigger and bigger. >w< Well now my computer might need maintenance, my hdd might flat out need replacing, so I'm going to get absolutely everything up before it sits on the desktop for ANOTHER 12 months!
Also I think I've worked out my whole upload size dilemma now, but I'm afraid it comes at the cost of just not having all my work on one definitive gallery. Probably a safe move anyway. People were starting to tell me FA was breaking in their browser, so I have to find something to even out for these people. >~< What I'm going to do now is anything that's safe for DA, I'll upload to FA as 1280x1280, and fullsize to DA. Anything that's NSFW and guaranteed never to see the light of day there, full size on FA.
Maybe in the future I'll reconsider weasyl and do a mass reupload there. Still got my hopes on it being the inevitable FA killer someday. ^^

Commissions

Commissions are closed again I'm afraid. I apologise but also thank everyone who expressed interest again, its really keeping me mentally and physically stimulated. >:3 I've updated my front page, I think... that's everyone up who took a slot? As you can see, I've taken on a fair bit, ^^' also been prone to doing one-offs in stream but that's only complicated things. So not gonna continue that until I get some of these other slots done, they're big undertakings. Hope you understand, thank you if you do. :3

An Upside Down Archive?

Now here's a weird one I'd like to get some feedback on, I've had it on my brain the last few weeks. I occasionally get people who say stuff to me about how they like my UD art, they found it through me, they wish more people did it etc... Fact of the matter is, more people do do it! I've got a whole favorites folder on DA dedicated purely to it. :3
However as we know not everyone or everything is on DA, so what I've been thinking is: what if I made a compilation link on my page containing all the UD and UDTF related stuph I've found out there? If people continue to find it through me, the least I can do is direct them to all the other likemindeds? I know a few instances of videos/photography so I'd say anything counts too, it doesn't have to be purely art. And of course people could chime in and add their own if I've missed anything? :P
The only problem I could see arising: I've saved things from people who're no longer around. They've deactivated their accounts or disappeared for real life reasons, and the works gone with them. In some cases I have no way to contact these people, and in some cases... I know these people don't want to be asociated with the work anymore. >~< I still think its a shame to see some of this talented stuff go, and I'd like to archive it for posterity's sake if I could.
I could definitely see myself putting this together if I got a day to spare, so the two main questions are 1: Should I make it, is there enough interest? 2: Should I include the stuff that's no longer around? (Credited to the original artists, of course.)

I think that covers everything this time. I'm sorry if I didn't reply to anything or missed specific favorites, I'll do my best to catch up to them once I get everything out of my system. :3 thank you for listening, prepare for a flood. XD

Hello again everyone! Not sure when I last saw or spoke to some of you but hope things are going well? I'm still around, still drawing, still streaming, still working my tail off, (whatever color and end it might happen to be at the time. ^^) I got a bit behind schedule but I don't think I'm in nightmare uploadphobia territory yet. so let's see what I can catch you up on:

Drawingz and galleriez stuph
I gave my page another overhaul a few days back. The big "Commissions I've done" folder's gone, it honestly did more harm then good just becoming a huge umbrella mess. Everything's categorized much better now, it's where you'd expect it to be, and there's a few more categories of stuff I've popped up. Hopefully a lot easier to browse and find things now. >w<
There'll be pics going up today. Like most of the time I'll probably be insomniac and I'll just see how much I can get up before my body inevitably craps out. ^^ Now, the stuff that's going up today is going to be full sized. It might be the last time I do it, depends... I've still been getting a lot of people saying the work I upload here is too big, cut it down for size, upload the big ones elsewhere etc etc...
Okay I will, if I can find an elsewhere. I've looked at storage stuff like imgur, google drive, dropbox etc. for a couple of reasons, won't work. My best bet would be a gallery migration, and my pick for that would be weasyl (only place I know for sure will take all of my stuff, and in full size.) I haven't been on weasyl in close to 2 years, but the impression I've gotten is that it's still a great site, with nowhere near as big of a community. :( Something I still don't fully get for obvious reasons.
I really don't want to use weasyl as a glorified storage locker, if I go back it's cause I want to go back and see the community there. But I will if all my other options fail me. I would appreciate some feedback here please, should I make it a thing again for my new gallery, or consider one of the alts like sofurry/furrific/furrynetwork? Any help appreciated.

Commizzionz stuph
I told several people I was going to be opening in late july. Tiny bit longer. Do you by any chance remember me talking bout all those sketches, wiping them for a clean slate? Yeah... I'm still doing that. >~< I can't believe what's wrong with me so final straw, I'm setting a date: the 6th this month. Anything that's done up it goes, anything that isn't, into the vault. It's been there far too long.
And then I'm pretty much open, at long last! Singles commissions will be opening up again the same day, and I might also be doing a sketch stream or two. ^^ Sequences is a maybe, comics are still closed/reserved. If you've spoken to me in pm's or notes about a comic commission but haven't locked in, that'll be your last chance. I'll be sending out reminders to everybody I can remember, just in case.

Suitz Stuph
This is a big one. >///< I've been getting a few commissions of my own recently, you probably noticed. I've been picking them very carefully and that might be about to come to a halt altogether. Why? Well, because I'm starting to very seriously take fursuit plans into equation. >w<
In fact, I kinda already have one. And it is absolutely gutting me that I haven't been able to introduce you to them and get some decent pictures but I really hope the seller doesn't take my radio silence as a bad sign. They went to a good home, believe me. :3 It's a partial though, and I haven't been able to find too much to accommodate it, even simple stuff like kigs etc. So one of the first steps I'll be looking at is getting a bodysuit to match that and help that character come to life a bit more.
That's one of many steps. When I make the list I'll fill you guys in with the full detail but I'm expecting what money I do have to disappear fast if I'm not careful, and I really hoping I don't end up broke by the end of this little endeavor. Mind you, broke but swimming in awesome fursuits is probably a win situation for a lot of you. >:3

Secwet projekt stuph
Some of you know I've got something rather sizable comic coming. Something that might be about a certain animal who's name rhymes with folf.... >:3
I'm coloring it. That's why you haven't seen anything more of it yet, for which I'm very sorry. It was originally going to be a black and white thing and I just... was... not happy with it. Not satisfied. Colored is another matter, and I'll still do my best to have it up and ready asap. :P
And yes, to any of the people in on this, that does probably mean colors on the table for yours too. Do with that tease what you will. >w<


Alright, as always I think that covers everything. I'll get up what I can in a little bit, and hope you have a good day. ^^

Now isn't that a catchy title? ^^

Hey again guys. I promise I'll be getting back to answering everybody and uploading more soon, including all the stuff I haven't got to on DA yet. Some irl stuff kept me off the pc a lot the last few days. And a minor but consistent headache, and that's exactly what we're about to get to... >~<

When I have been on, I've been going through my sketch folder for a next round of those to hopefully go up, just a general clean-out before I start on my next batch of coms. And it's given me plenty of time to get extremely well acquainted with gimp 2.10! Yes, I'm as shocked as you are, it came out in our lifetime! Six years development according to the website, feels like a century. ^^

Now... This is the part where I was going to post a bit of a pros and cons list, some constructive criticism from a guy who's been using it since 2008 and, while I don't have an ego about many things, I think I know a bit about how to get the most out of this program by now! >w< Well, I've spent enough time to see what was old, new, removed and reworked, and whittle all that down to a simple three word recommendation...

DO. NOT. GET.

I had to get it. Believe me, there are one or two phenomenal upgrades to it that I had no choice but to get it for, (full photoshop file support for one, collabing should never be easier! :3) But if anybody's thinking of checking 2.10 out, and you already have an alternative program, I say stick with it. I simply cannot recommend it to newcomers in the state it's in now, it's far too frustrating. :/ Get 2.8, you'll have less migraines.

I'll go through that full pros/cons list another time if people are really curious, but for now let's just single out one thing that was the ultimate deal breaker for me - file support. Older version files do work, but there is a very convoluted system involving how layers and layer types work now. Switching them (which feels required in some cases) causes visual corruptions to files, old and new. On a related note, I tell you it's a damned good thing they added psd support, because those corruptions don't happen to them! Yes! Gimp is actually better at editing those files now then it is as editing ITS OWN FORMAT! >~<

That means I've found workarounds, but it's a huge rigmarole and an I have to be twice as careful to make sure my editing's not destructive. So assuming the changes are here to stay, I pose a question to gimps devs: If they work better and quicker as PSD's now, how about I just keep em like that, and edit them with something more familiar, huh? -_-

I've been alternating gimp and photoshop for about two years now, and I can safely say I'm comfortable with the latter now. So this whole thing has got me seriously debating upgrading to CC! (I've been using cs6) If any of my watchers use it, or just anyone who sees this journal, I'd love to get some feedback from you please. Do you think the current CC's an improvement over cs6?

Either way I'll definitely be looking into it, and if it can do the 1 or 2 things I'm keeping gimp around for... Well I been at this nearly 10 years now. Might finally be time to part ways with an old friend.

Hello guys. I'll try and keep it simple as always. Must resist urge to write 20 paragraph essay instead of journal... XP
A week or so ago someone pulled me up in a stream, and put it bluntly to me, told me they thought my gallery was going stagnant. No hard feelings to this person whatsoever, they were absolutely right far as I'm concerned. I've been away far too long again, and apologies for that. But hey, at least this time uploadphobia didn't strike again! I wanted to fix it immediately, sat down, started looking at stuff I've been doing and what could be uploaded...
And that's when it hit me. I am not happy with most of the stuff I've been working on. :/
Now... that doesn't mean I hate them, and, surprisingly, that certainly doesn't extend to commissions at all! I've got some hopefully good stuff there I'm proud of and I want to get up as well. I'm talking about my projects, stuff I worked on on the side or did spur of the moment. I keep telling myself I'll finish what isn't done or fix what I don't like and then upload them, finally! But there they are, staring me in the face untouched the very next day. I'm really sorry, I hate not finishing stuff, but I just lost all drive for these ideas midway through. :(
So I'm gonna compromise this time and scrapbook them. Not very often I use my scraps, I prefer to only upload finished pieces, but this time I think it's called for. Plus at least you can see them this way, which is a lot better then just throwing them in an archive and forgetting about them altogether. Not the first time I've been guilty of that.
I'll upload what I can a little later today, probably a little bit more over the next few days as I have a proper look through my sketches folder. I never say never, but most of these are ideas I don't think I'll get back to, sadly. Maybe you guys will still like them, despite the stuff I'm being fussy and griping about? I hope so. Thanks if you do, and thanks for sticking with me through another dry spell. :3

I have very specific ideas about what to do when I'm mad at something/someone. Should I ever play getting over it and actually win, there'll be something I won't hesitate to demand of Mr. Foddy. ^^ There's a troll I ran afoul of recently who, since he didn't take the warning to piss off and kept antagonizing me and the people I'm friends with, I'm going to metaphorically crucify the fucker soon...

And then there's Ethan/h3h3. Now I'm not a fan, but I wish no permanent ill on the guy! I don't watch many of his videos but he seems okay, I'm glad he won his court case against that moron a while back, and if you're a fan good on you! But right now, I want to tie h3h3 to a chair and beat his face a few times with a wet fish. I do not know why my mind put those particular elements together, but for the past few days that's all that's been in my head whenever I think of the guy and him using the term "Uploadphobia" in an interview.

Is it a common term? No, he's pretty much the only person I know who's used it, but in one clean swoop he gave a face and a name to my demon. It's real. It was petty, it was irrational, and I had it. Bad. >////<

It was this absolutely mind-numbing fear where every time I went to upload something, shutdown. I mean I know I have really bad anti-social periods of time, that certainly didn't help things, but anytime I actually sat down to put stuff up, here's an example of what went through my head...

"Should I upload this? Is it done? Is it safe enough to put up on deviantart? Will I get trolled? Does it even make sense? Should I break it up or upload big? Do you think the commissioner will be happy with it? This one was a commission I got, that's even harder, should I upload it? Would the artist be okay? Would the artist get mad at me cause I didn't have permission? Is he okay with me putting it up on sites like Deviantart? Will the artist not like the descriptions I give it? Oh shit I waited and now I have a lot of art, should I flood? No flooding's bad, but wait, this artist just flooded and it was awesome, maybe it ain't so bad after all? Or maybe it is and I'm overreacting again? Should I let them know in a journal to expect it? Should I keep it simple or explain in detail? No I don't want to bother them with a journal about something so mundane. Shit I have a lot I need to upload it's so old, should I only upload from a specific point..."

Go away, have a drink, cool off, come back, rinse and repeat. You know how I know it was irrational? Cause the moment I did actually start posting, absolutely all of that washed away in an instant. And I felt like such a fucking klutz for giving into the nerves, and I'm so sorry for it and thankful you guys didn't rip me to shreds, even though I probably deserve it.

What I uploaded the last few days was about four months worth of stuff, mine and the awesome commissions I've gotten from others, and I hope I never have to flood a site with that much at once again. I held 1 or 2 things back deliberately cause I'm just not ready to show yet, and I only posted what I know for sure I had permission to. So if I missed anything from anyone but you were okay with me re uploading, please let me know and I'll fix that pronto. Same goes for vice versa, if I did accidentally upload something I shouldn't have, just say the word and I'll take it down.

From here on, I'll do my best to kick the nerves and keep up with what I get or create. Thank you all for understanding, and thank you all for putting up with me and my illogical crap. ^^

I'm just gonna keep this journal simple and say yeah. I'll get up as much as I can before my brain inevitably turns to mush. Sorry to all the people who don't like floods but this shit is really overdue, most of that's my fault and if I don't upload right now, I'm afraid I might just let it all sit there for another 4 months. >m< Thanks for the patience, hopefully you like what's coming if you haven't already seen it. >///<

Since I like to draw attention to it and of course credit the right people, a lot of you guys have no doubt seen "commission" popping up besides what I'm doing and probably wondered about what's going on there. Some of them are new, yes. In a nutshell I've been testing the waters, seeing what I was and wasn't capable of doing.

I'm very happy to say, that is about to change. Commissions are reopening soon and I'll be changing my message about them on the front page to reflect! So for some of you, your chance has finally come around. XD However there are a few catches I need to be up front about:

1: From here on out, my commissions are going to be STREAM EXCLUSIVE. This is a permanent change decision I made several months back and I'm sticking to my guns on it, (although I'm definitely backpedaling on the possibility of slave streaming, that just isn't happening right now :/) . I'm finally going to start posting a notification up when I'm streaming again, and once a week (or twice if something comes up and I have to reschedule,) I'll be open to taking a few on-the-spot commissions.
I'm still working out what day of the week, but I'm aiming for something like friday/saturday AEST. More then open to suggestions if there's a better overall day for everybody? If for some reason you absolutely can't attend a stream, don't fret; I'd be willing to work something out with you, but do keep in mind I'm reserving that as a last resort. It's much better for me and my workflow if I could please take suggestions in real time, at the time.

2: I'll only be taking smaller pictures for the time being, one off's. Unlike above, this is not going to be a permanent thing, I'll slowly be opening the door to bigger projects and comics again as I go and clear out what I already owe. One artist has already given me a possible way I could re-implement doing sequences, but that's another thing I still need to test in a closed situation for now.
As for how many altogether, probably 3-5 a week depending on complexity. I'm a premium user on picarto now so I'll most likely be using its raffle function to decide who gets a chance out of any attendees.

3: Prices. I almost don't want to lock these in in case they need to change again, but I'll fill some of you in on what I know for sure: For those who remember it, the old singles and sequences system I had? It's gone, they've merged into the same thing now. Starting prices are $5usd per character per frame (and that will include suits in some instances.) I veer in and out of people who think I'm undercharging and overcharging and sorry guys if you're in the latter, but I do need my pricing to reflect the workload more.

And finally 4: When it's starting! (Again, presumably friday's/saturdays) This week is a closed affair, I've already picked out what and who I'll be doing it for. But next week I'll be opening the doors and anyone who wants to come along will get a chance.

I think that covers it all. I'm definitely looking for feedback about this new setup so please don't hesitate to comment if you have a suggestion or concern. Hope this news finds you well, I hope your day's going great, and because I can't believe I haven't signed off something with this saying before, "I'll see you on the flip side!" And thanks for that one Warj. :3