So, sorry for falling off the face of the earth for over a year. I kind of needed it. And it's pretty complicated, so bear with me.

To cut to the heart of the matter, I became someone else. You know how Bruce Wayne created the Batman, and then it consumed him until Batman was the real man, and Wayne just the facade? So it was with me and Nedded. One day, I woke up and just...wasn't him. I stopped posting here. No goodbyes. I'd pretty much forgotten myself overnight. At least you didn't get a whiny "leaving the fandom" journal, and it's not like I faked my own death - in a sense, there was nothing fake about it.

But somewhere in the last two months, I remembered Nedded again. No, I'm not really "him" anymore, but he can come back, I think.

What does all this mean for you? Well, I won't be posting art, but I will comment and interact sometimes. I've not forgotten that website I created once upon a time; there's a journal about it here. And you're free to use my characters in your art. Even adult art. With the self-identity stigma out of the way, Nedded, Anette, and any number of the one-offs in my gallery can be used as long as you let me know beforehand.

Oh, and by the way, if you know or think you know who my "new" identity is, please...keep it to yourself. I'm here, there's no need to go off and harass my alter ego. It could hurt my job, amongst other things. Besides, it's just rude. Let's keep the two "me"s separate.

I'm back, folks.

This coming AC is sort of shaping up as a last hurrah of innocence before I am thrust carelessly into the cold, unfeeling "real world" of adulthood. In fact, so much is converging on this week that it's rather alarming.
1. I graduated college. Monday. I'm skipping the ceremony to go to AC, because frankly, I'd rather have fun than wear a silly ill-fitting robe and we don't even get our diplomas there anyway. But that's it- from here on out, I'm going to be job searching and suddenly dealing with managing a budget 100 times bigger than I currently am. (Student looooaaaannnsss)
2. My sister graduated too. Since she's off to college somewhere out of state, Mom is empty-nesting hardcore. Also the conjunction of college prep and college graduation in my life right now is triggering some bad deja vu and worse memories of scholarship hunting, particularly with the job search.
3. My cat's dying. Not immediately, and not painfully, but her days are numbered. Makes sense in a cat as old as her. Her liver and kidneys haven't failed quite yet, but the vet has switched tactics from "get well" to "keep happy." He actually told us to feed her donuts, the human food she craves most (and has always been denied), just so she'll eat at all. :\
4. A new car! The old family car, a 2004 model, got chewed up and spat out like something on thereifixedit.com (and sported a saran wrap window for about a week) and we had enough. So new car in parents' driveway.
5. As a matter of fact, a lot of other things are failing and getting replaced. Monday, I also got my bike back from the repair shop, as its 1970-something internal hub had finally stripped a gear, and I got it fitted with an entirely new back wheel. About the only original things left on this bike are the frame, the handlebars, and (amazingly) the leather seat. Also replaced recently: Library card, photo ID, credit and debit card, my thumb drive, and a few wardrobe items. I feel rather like I'm an impostor in my own life - everything's almost, but not quite, exactly the same as it's always been.

So if I seem a bit spaced out at the con, now you know why.

A two-part journal, about Watchtail:

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3421334/
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3421283/

So remember how I lost my 2TB drive, along with most of my life's work? Well, thankfully, I had backups, primarily in the form of a couple USB drives I'd used to transfer stuff back and forth, along with a CD of my nearly-complete thesis portfolio.
Back on track, right? Well, apparently I must've really done something to anger the god of hard drives. Maybe I slept with his wife disguised as a Linux distro or something. Because yesterday, I got back from a short break to discover both thumb drives basically smashed in half. One of 'em had the casing popped open and the USB jack at a 45 degree angle to the circuit board, and the other had died of internal hemorrhaging or somesuch.

But all is not lost (again), for the first drive lived! Despite its graphic disfigurement, the darn thing still functioned, and I recovered every single file that was on it. Now I'm gonna back THAT up on something else because the first backup is currently on a shared server that's going to be wiped in a couple weeks. Asdf.

PART 2: CUCUMBER SAUCE
I have a ton of leftover imitation tzatziki sauce in my fridge. Maybe I should go get some gyro meat and pitas from somewhere. Problem is, that stuff probably doesn't fare well on hour-long bus rides.
Just so you know that not every problem I have is an epic crisis.

PART 3: ANTHROCON
A nagging thought that is eating me is that I might not have the time or money to go to AC this year, a thought that is doing its best to cover up the real reason I'm afraid to go. The whole Watchtail thing has, quite honestly, made me almost ashamed to go; I'm just guilty over the fact that it's been a year almost since the site was usable. And with no funding and no timetable on having it functional, I really don't look forward to having to answer people's questions about it in person.
That aside, I'm due to graduate right around then (if data failure hasn't cost me another semester) and my loans are kicking in, I'm searching for jobs, and honestly, I'm starting to see myself growing distant from the fandom. I don't want that to happen.

So you know what would make me feel a lot better about things right now? Materialistic support. I wish I had time to do commissions or a sketch stream or something. At the very least, give me ideas on what to do with all that tzatziki.

So today I headed downtown for lunch, kinda hoping to chip in just a little more change to help out Fernando's Cafe, and to do a couple other things later on.

I'm not sure what I was expecting. Maybe a couple local furs? No one at all, and I'd been mistaken about there being an event? (the thought did cross my mind.)

Then I saw a fursuiter in the doorway. Standing there because that was the end of the line. Fernando's was PACKED. Packed like day 2 of Anthrocon when everybody goes and gets a lasagna wrap all at the same time. I saw some familiar faces. I left all sense of personal space at the door. And I stood in line and paid for an all-you-can-eat buffet.

There were some fun moments in the two hours I was there. The various cameramen livestreaming and recording the event pointed their cameras at each other; Uncle Kage got some sake delivered, there was con drama (the badge guys ran out of tape) and Fernando didn't know.

What Fernando didn't know, it turns out, was that Uncle Kage would, at the end, present him with a check for $21,000 on top of the thousand or so he'd made that day in lasagna wrap sales. Very touching. Then the local news team showed up. I can't wait to see the reports on this one.

Long story short, Fernando's isn't going anywhere for a while.

So as you may or may not know Fernando's Cafe is going out of business this year. Fernando's is the place everyone goes to at AC; it was the first business to welcome furries to Pittsburgh, and the owner, Fernando, took a brick to the head defending the furries against a group of rioters. He still has the scar.

There are a number of ways to help, but here's one you may not have heard of - I only just heard about it because I went in there today to have lunch and leave a massive tip.

Fernando's will be open this Saturday from 10AM to 2PM just for furs.

If you live in Pittsburgh, or know someone who does, head over there and say thank you (either in word or in money - Fernando went into debt trying to keep his store open long enough for AC2012!) The subs are amazing, the wraps are even more so (the lasagna wrap is Uncle Kage's fave), and even the personal pizzas are excellent.

aaaaa nonononono

This was my reaction when, in a computer lab, someone walked past my machine, tripped on the power cable to my 2TB external drive, and knocked it to the floor.

Now it is in a permanent vegetative state.

And I do not have $600+ for disk recovery services from Seagate. Thank goodness for backups, but not everything is fully backed up...like my portfolio website I was working on for graduation in a few months.

I need a hug.

‮Oh, this could break everything. I'm so sorry if it does, and I'll delete the journal if necessary.

The question is, can you tell what I did?

It's been 7 months since the last time I hit a low this hard, according to my journals. I only know it's a low because I'm starting to recognize signs of things going south, rather than my perception of myself: I've been in a fog, and that's really the problem in a nutshell.

I'm not sure if I ever mentioned this here, but I've been diagnosed with ADD and Asperger's since childhood. I haven't been medicated for either for years, primarily because I've been so high-functioning that I've been able to do things without it.

But lately, things have gotten bad. Bad enough that I've forgotten to eat. Bad enough that on days where I've booked the whole day with things I need to do, I've instead bicycled three miles out of town for absolutely zero reason - realized it halfway to wherever - and then kept going.

Not to mention my creativity's completely evaporated and anything I have done looks like the work of a stoned alcoholic. (This is one of the many reasons why I'll never smoke or drink: I'm bad enough without their help).

Speaking of forgetting to eat, I think I may have done that today...i'm about to pass out here so post jorunal and maybe after I eat and deal with brain problem will work on Watchtail a bit?

So three separate computer issues were smiled upon by the fates today.

First and foremost, the Box (my high-end rig I used for everything) is back from the grave. Turns out it had somehow become overclocked by over 1000MHz higher than it should've been, was overvoltage, and so it's no wonder I was seeing plaid. I've even gone so far as to do some preliminary 3D work on it, and all looks good - no fried components.

Secondly, I'm finally getting the replacement for the bad board in my other machine shipped out today - which means there'll be enough computers to go around now when the Box is stuck rendering something.

And third, and here's the one I think you'll find most pertinent, is that the Watchtail streaming server's found its way back into my living room and so I'll be able to add fixing THAT up to the list of things I can do in the next couple of weeks.

However, even if I do get the server working perfectly, funding remains a major roadblock to the project. I have maybe $20 in the budget. And I'm broke enough that I can't even afford a pizza, let alone funding the site out of pocket like I've tried to do during the outage.

On top of all that, I'm trying to find the time to do some actual art for a change, including commissions and donation streams (to fundraise for WT)...

This journal's taken a rather sour turn. It was supposed to be good news. Uh. Good news. nnnnope got nothin'.

Ugh. The sooner I can get my site working again, the better. It really was the easiest to use.
Anyway, http://www.livestream.com/nedded

Okay, if you consider yourself a white hat hacker, now is the time to step forward.

I've made a few attempts to improve site security, and I'm still adding more, but an ounce of prevention is, in my book, the best way to deal with a problem.

So, my challenge is, bring me my code on a silver platter. I want you to note me, in full, the code for the function that posts messages to the chatroom with blue/purple text - anything else doesn't count. Also please include your process for getting it, and how difficult it was.

You have as much time as you like.

Come and see the future of Watchtail!

http://www.watchtail.com

As if my last journal on SOPA wasn't scary enough, have some more conspiracy-theory-level crazy that's actually true.

It all hinges around a company called Cnet. Yeah, Cnet, the company that's been distributing and enabling software like BitTorrent, Kazaa, and LimeWire for over a decade. The one whose little download widgets for that software got put on all of its subsidiaries' websites, like AOL (Time Warner) and Go.com (Disney). And which provided a search engine for free mp3s without any third-party sites - the right-click download links were on Cnet.

And guess who runs Cnet?

CBS, with support from Warner, Microsoft, and Disney. The very people trying to pass SOPA because piracy is such a big problem. The exact same people.

Oh, and don't forget, they didn't just distribute the software. They also explained (in various editorials that got cross-posted to MSN and stuff) how to use the software using various copyrighted songs as an example, and which ones were more popular, based on downloads of various copyrighted songs. And profited from it. They still are.

And at the same time, these companies behind Cnet were successfully suing the pants off of housewives and kids for pirating songs. Remember Joel Tenenbaum, the kid sued for hundreds of thousands because he downloaded about a dozen songs? Or the mom sued $1.9 million because she used Kazaa a couple of times? Yeah, you probably do, if you think back a couple of years. But you probably laughed and forgot about it because surely such cases would get thrown out of court today.

cough ahem SOPA. And all of the legislation that's been lobbied for in the past decade against online piracy leading up to it.

Does this look like a crazy conspiracy theory to you? What if I could provide a boatload of evidence (warning, that one's got an autoplaying video) so you can see it with your own freaking eyes.

Just a few days left, too, so maybe if we can tell Congress about this they'll sit back on their haunches and actually think about something for once. See second link there for info on how to do it.

Just a reminder for my watchers to go look at  watchtail and see what can be done to help!

It means, simply put, that American corporations have the power to shut down any website that could potentially - emphasis on potentially - harbor copyrighted content, with no evidence, warrant, or restrictions.
The problem is, to quote Scott Adams, it's so unbelievable you literally don't believe me. But here it is:

Any website that could at some point have copyrighted content on it, regardless of whether or not the site owners had anything to do with that content being there, and regardless of what the site does to try to regulate that content on its own, could be DNS blocked.

And DNS blocking means that the entire website becomes unavailable to the entire world...with the exception of people smart enough to figure out how to get around a DNS block, such as pirates, or someone with half a brain and a search engine. Which this bill is ostensibly written to combat.

Instead, what this bill is doing is giving folks like the MPAA and RIAA and Activision and WMG and everyone else the power to close the doors on sites like YouTube, Flickr, Facebook, Livestream, Etsy, Tumblr, meme-sharing sites, and even Watchtail.
That sounds like most of the Internet, doesn't it? It pretty much is.

So if you haven't already, contact your congressmen and representatives. Even if you don't live in the United States, contact them. There are ways to do it. Warn these people (who know next to nothing about computers anyway) that this is a Very Bad Thing, and explain why. Also mention Protect IP, since that bill may be a "lesser evil" but is just as damaging and shouldn't be voted for either.

And make your own journal about this, since apathy and ignorance are pretty much the only reasons this thing hasn't died yet.

I am open for ONE commission slot.
There will be a $2 discount for color, due to the learning curve with a new piece of software.
Details can be found in my FA ID.

So this week, I hit a fairly low point, bounced back, and I'm ready to take on the world again.

In what may be the ultimate of coincidental metaphors, my computer (the really big one I use to Actually Do Stuff™) got virtual leprosy of some sort and Windows is...pretty much gone. I lost none of my files, but the OS is toast. I think the registry got corrupted or something. Doesn't matter.
Anyway, since I recovered all my files and the thing is tabula rasa now, I'm contemplating what I should do with it. Part of me says I should give Windows 7 Ultimate a go, and another part of me that lives in my wallet says that's not happening until I win the lottery.
So, I'm gonna try the open-source route, just as I did with Watchtail. I'm installing Ubuntu partially because of that: If I can sit at home and solve the server problem, then I stand a better chance of making the site work again.

Oh, and don't worry about this impacting my ability to work with Flash. I installed it on my netbook, which is somehow powerful enough to run the thing; it's how I've been working for the last five months.

You may have noticed I dropped off the face of FA for a couple of weeks...nearly a month...I lost track of the time, actually

I don't know if any of you were speculating that I'd had some tragedy befall me, but you wouldn't be too farr off if so. it's not really something I want to talk about just yet. But it did make me realize something.

I can't do this on my own anymrore. In fact, i don't know how much I can do at all for Watchtail. I'm still trying to get it back online, never fear, and there isn't a lack of funding yet - but I'm just not capable of being a full-time admin for a while. That having been said, I think I'm finally ready to put something else online for you guys, something that should have been ready on my birthday.
and I need someone else to help

I really need your help and support, now more than ever. And even though the site budget is relatively stable, I've got other issues and a hundred bucks would lift some of that weigt off my shoulders.

probably the lowest ever

Been a while since the last one, and everyone, myself included, has ants in their pants.

First of all, I've got a minor crisis on my hands trying to get payment to the colocation; it's not that I don't have the money (although I am doing it out of pocket, not donations that never came in), it's a matter of figuring out why the colo doesn't have it yet.
I got a nastygram from them threatening to unplug the server, which caught me quite by surprise - I've never been late on a payment for anything, so I'm guessing it went to the wrong department or something. One way or the other, this issue will be resolved on Monday.

Secondly, I'm having issues booting my red5 environment; I don't know why it isn't launching. I suspect it's a file structure issue. To be on the safe side, I'm planning a reinstall of the whole thing. This is the only TECHNICAL roadblock to getting the site back; once that's gone then you'll be able to stream again.

School and personal life has prevented me from devoting 12 hours a day to the project, and with no one else to help, it's taking a really long time. Sorry, guys - but if you know your way around ubuntu or java, give me a heads-up. I may just throw the whole rotten lot at you and say "HERE YOU FIGURE OUT WHY IT NOT DO." Or I may ask politely. It all depends on what time of day I check my inbox.

(Not cross-posting this because I don't think it's worded properly for an official statement.)

Tomorrow's my birthday!

I've been struggling to stay afloat this week, juggling WT, college, an actual job, more renovations (nothing as drastic as collapsing floors this time), and a remarkable lack of food, but the weekend's hit and things are looking up again.

I probably would have snapped if I hadn't lost my mind long ago. Nothing like insanity to keep you zen and level-headed!

I've taken things as far as I can on my own.
It'll be a couple hours before I have a reeeeeeeally low-traffic environment set up for the server.

I'm going to need to do a couple things first. Probably won't be running the beta test until tomorrow morning.

2 hours to blackout!

Yay and boo!

Finishing up some things here, and unfortunately I wasn't able to get the beta ready before time ran out on the old server. I anticipate a blackout of the main site starting in a day or two. Most likely midnight EST Sunday going into Monday. It could last for an annoyingly long time, but I hope not.

There won't be much in the way of features in the new broadcaster, at least at first. Volume control is out, as well as room passwords; use private streaming in the meantime. The userlist is kinda kludgey and is accessible from the (i) icon which is now in the corner of the chat. In time I may change this to be more visible. Also, no moderator functions for now; they'll be available soon enough.

Buckle up, we're gonna be in for quite a ride.

And by "almost ready," I mean I successfully connected to a chatroom, registered my name (after logging in to the real website), and typed out a "Hello world" message. That only took, what, two months? Hard part's over!
It's missing a bit of logic for handling the user list, but I may find time during AC to go sit in a corner and work out the code for that.

The new interface is as complete as I think I want to take it for the beta release, and not to worry: The lite version will still be there, and I've redesigned it so that you can see both video and chat at once! Thanks, interface design principles! In fact, about the only thing missing at this point is a volume slider.

There will undoubtedly be some major hangups in the coming week as I rapidly prototype my way into a premature beta release, and you can probably count on at least a day of downtime as I push the thing live. I'm gonna need beta testers on that day, so stay tuned: You could be a crucial part of making Watchtail work!

Yes, I'll be at AC. I suppose I should get back into the habit of drawing anthro things; personal life kind of ate everything lately. That means I am open for commissions. Click my FA ID for pricing.

Watchtail is taking an inordinate amount of time to get the new server working; I've had to restart the code from scratch three times now and I'm wondering what my options are at this point... I need to devote an entire journal to this topic. Read it here: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2431194/

Personal life things, just so you know WHY I dropped off the face of the earth:

It would appear that my dining room floor is stable, level, and structurally sound now; I can actually walk across it without hearing the china cabinet rattling. In fact I can jump on it. I never would have tried that before. I am now at least 70% less likely to die while eating breakfast.

I'm wrapping up three separate games this week. I wish I could share them with you, but one is under strict no-talky-talky rules and the other two involve connecting a wiimote to your computer, so the only chance of seeing them is if you meet me at AC and you happen to have a laptop that can pair bluetooth devices without using a code.

My bicycle (not the one that exploded, another one) is functional again. So I will, in fact, be bicycling to AC again this year. There, see? I brought it back to relevant news in the end.