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Hopefully back from a suuuuper long haitus
Posted 12 years agoJust as the title says I've been away waaay to long! I blame having no computer until now haha. But since I now have a computer (still working on getting my programs back and a scanner) I can be slightly more active. Not too much new otherwise. I have lots of art I've been working on, although not as much lately due to depression and stress so I've been lacking the up and go to be doing too much.
How have you all been?
How have you all been?
A mess of jumbled confussion T^T
Posted 15 years agoSo yeah...I won't say I ended up getting assaulted but then again in a way I was and I am just so confused and lost on what to do.
So it's been just over a week I found out the person I love and, I'll be blunt and honest here, had just given my virginity to not even 2 months ago now is with someone else now. A co worker of his. But I've been behaving as best I could. I've not said anything to either of them. I mean for being in love with him I'm slightly biased in the opinion he's a nice and great person and deserves all the happiness life can bring (and this I truly believe and not just because I love him) but the lady he's with, she's nice and I think she's a real sweet heart. Again she deserves happiness. She's coming out of a bad divorce and everything and I'm glad he can be there to help be emotional support in a way for her and her kids.
But I've not honestly voiced my opinions...I don't think I can. Because if they're happy right now, the last thing I want is my trying to see the reality in things, bring them down.
So I've for the time being stepped back.
But as I said and the intent of this journal, it's barely been over a week. And 2 of my best friends have already asked me out and I gave both the same reply "I treasure our friendship more than I having one of these kinds of relationships and loosing that friendship in the end". Both were okay and cool about it and that was pretty much that. Done and dropped.
So the other night I was hanging with a different friend and we were at his place watching movies. I had never seen 'Accepted' or 'Without A Paddle' so we watched the two of them. I thought nothing different because I had been to this friends house a few times to watch movies or swap movie/music files and such, but this time things were different. He was sitting stretched out at the head of the bed, legs hanging off to the floor and I was at the foot of the bed, also legs hanging off the side of the bed.
When the movie ended, next thing I know this guy (he's like 6 foot 3 or 4 and stocky built like a football player almost) rolls over ontop of me and seriously starts to try and force himself on me. As in seriously with the pinning me down and trying to remove my clothes. Obviously I wanted nothing to do with anything like that with him...so I ended up hitting him. I was lucky that I caught him off guard with that because that allowed me the chance to quickly grab my bag and keys and run out the door to my car and get away.
But it's left me terrified. T^T I don't know what to do or how to face this person anymore. He's been texting me these last 2 days or so and I've been giving very short answers or not even replying.
I never realized how un-ok I was with people hugging on me or touching me or anything like that unless it was the guy I mentioned earlier (the one I love)...but now I've been left afraid. I don't know now if any of my other friends may try this so in a way I've recently cut myself off from a lot of people. I don't have many friends to begin with so am I just dooming myself to a lonely life?
I wish so bad I could have someone to talk to about these things...and that I could get one last cuddle (even if it's as friends) from the person I love.
Meeeh...I probably sound so stupid to everyone to...but I really needed to I guess in some way get this out.
I'm just feeling lost I guess.
So it's been just over a week I found out the person I love and, I'll be blunt and honest here, had just given my virginity to not even 2 months ago now is with someone else now. A co worker of his. But I've been behaving as best I could. I've not said anything to either of them. I mean for being in love with him I'm slightly biased in the opinion he's a nice and great person and deserves all the happiness life can bring (and this I truly believe and not just because I love him) but the lady he's with, she's nice and I think she's a real sweet heart. Again she deserves happiness. She's coming out of a bad divorce and everything and I'm glad he can be there to help be emotional support in a way for her and her kids.
But I've not honestly voiced my opinions...I don't think I can. Because if they're happy right now, the last thing I want is my trying to see the reality in things, bring them down.
So I've for the time being stepped back.
But as I said and the intent of this journal, it's barely been over a week. And 2 of my best friends have already asked me out and I gave both the same reply "I treasure our friendship more than I having one of these kinds of relationships and loosing that friendship in the end". Both were okay and cool about it and that was pretty much that. Done and dropped.
So the other night I was hanging with a different friend and we were at his place watching movies. I had never seen 'Accepted' or 'Without A Paddle' so we watched the two of them. I thought nothing different because I had been to this friends house a few times to watch movies or swap movie/music files and such, but this time things were different. He was sitting stretched out at the head of the bed, legs hanging off to the floor and I was at the foot of the bed, also legs hanging off the side of the bed.
When the movie ended, next thing I know this guy (he's like 6 foot 3 or 4 and stocky built like a football player almost) rolls over ontop of me and seriously starts to try and force himself on me. As in seriously with the pinning me down and trying to remove my clothes. Obviously I wanted nothing to do with anything like that with him...so I ended up hitting him. I was lucky that I caught him off guard with that because that allowed me the chance to quickly grab my bag and keys and run out the door to my car and get away.
But it's left me terrified. T^T I don't know what to do or how to face this person anymore. He's been texting me these last 2 days or so and I've been giving very short answers or not even replying.
I never realized how un-ok I was with people hugging on me or touching me or anything like that unless it was the guy I mentioned earlier (the one I love)...but now I've been left afraid. I don't know now if any of my other friends may try this so in a way I've recently cut myself off from a lot of people. I don't have many friends to begin with so am I just dooming myself to a lonely life?
I wish so bad I could have someone to talk to about these things...and that I could get one last cuddle (even if it's as friends) from the person I love.
Meeeh...I probably sound so stupid to everyone to...but I really needed to I guess in some way get this out.
I'm just feeling lost I guess.
Mrawr! Heyas!
Posted 15 years agoNyu! Hullos everyone! NekoMitsu here! >^.^<
Wanted to apologize for such a long absence from me here on FA ^^;
Been keeping busy with working a 3rd shift job and also lots of personal problems I'd like to not get into here lol...
Things otherwise have been okay. I've still been drawing some when I can and other stuffs.
How are you all doing? :D
Wanted to apologize for such a long absence from me here on FA ^^;
Been keeping busy with working a 3rd shift job and also lots of personal problems I'd like to not get into here lol...
Things otherwise have been okay. I've still been drawing some when I can and other stuffs.
How are you all doing? :D
