Well, two bits of news: 1. I got engaged back in October
2. Today I turn 30 and I get to spend most of it teaching math I have mostly forgotten. XD

Hey there,

So looking for someone new to watch? Looking for someone who is good with all sorts of different subjects and has a distinctive style with interesting OCs to boot?

Go have a look at  archmagejackson

[x] you meow/bark to get attention
[ ] you find pets toys amusing
[ x] you get hyper by the smell of catnip (not hyper but I definitely am stimulated by it)
[ ] you growl/hiss when someone gets too close to your food
[ ] you growl/hiss when someone you dislike is too close to you
[ ] you purr/shake your leg when someone shows you affection
[x] if someone tosses a ball, you chase it and bring it back (I love an excuse to toss a ball when on I'm yard duty so I do chase balls down. XD]
Total: 3

[ ] you love to be scratched behind the ear
[x] you love fish/meat:
[ ] you like to stick your head out trough the window of a moving car
[x] you like when people pet your head (Depending on the person)
[x]people can make you stop doing stuff by hitting you on the nose with a newspaper
[ ] you think feathers are fun to play with
Total: 3

[x] you sleep a lot during daytime (sometimes)
[ ] you enjoy scaring birds
[ ] you lick peoples faces to show you like them
[ ] you bite people if they annoy you
[x] you tend to steal food from your friends/family's plate when you have eaten all of yours (or at least ask for it lol)
[ ] milk or water is your favorite drink
Total: 2

[ X ] you own a collar and you enjoy wearing it (not in public)
[x]you own a leash and enjoy wearing it (not in public)
[x] you own animal ears/tail/paws or a fursuit (worn only when appropriate to have tails and ears or a fursuit. I'm a professional after all)
[ x]you enjoy long walks in the park
[x]you meow/bark when you see something you want (sometimes when it is just me and my boyfriend out)
Total: 5

[ ] you call your hands and feet "paws"
[ ] you tilt your head when you do not understand what someone is talking about
[ ] you run to the door when someone mentions a walk
[x]you really enjoy cuddling
[x]you stretch your body and whimper a bit every morning when you wake up
[ ] you can wake up and go back to sleep right away after looking around
Total: 2

[ ] you have your favorite spot besides your bed where you like to sleep
[ ] you meow or bark very often
[x] you hide when you get scared
[ ] you run to the door to see who it is every time someone comes in to the house
[ ] you like to chase flying insects and try to catch them with your bare hand
[x] you tend to chew on stuff a lot (stim toys)
[ ] you like to do tricks to get a treat
Total: 2

[x] you own a wearable item/tag with your name on it (My keys do have a tag with "Nekona" on it. My personal keys though).
[ ] you refer to your self as an animal
[x] your username has something to do with animals (Nekona was from my weeaboo stage. It literally means cat name in Japanese)
[x]your e-mail has something to do with animals (see above weabooness)
[ ] if you get a bleeding wound, you lick it to make it feel better
[x] you look for edible stuff often
Total: 4

[ ] you often find yourself looking through the window for a long time
[x]you like to say hi to strangers
[ ] you like to be petted when you have done something good
[ ] people think you act like a pet
[ ] you growl/hiss at stuff you do not like
[ ] you like to eat grass
[x] if you get wet, you shake to get rid of the water (not as much as I used to since my hair is long now).
Total: 2

Take your score and multiply it by 2

Put your title as "I'm (your number)% Furry"
leave a blank one so other furries can copy and paste it to their wall with their answers and they can leave a blank one so others can follow suit.

These days are always hard. To all you special education teachers and assistants out there you deserve all the credit.

The day I don't mind not having an assignment and I get called in. It's an instructional assistant job too. *sigh* So much for spending my day off with my boyfriend.

I'm happy for the work, even a half-day, but this was a rough weekend I'll expound on later.

Also everything is on fire. I'm between the Chimney Rock Fire and the Rey Fire and we are getting light ashfall. I was up at Lake Nacimiento when the Chimney Rock fire started. This is insane. California is slowly becoming Arrakis. Don't worry though, I'll walk without rythym so I don't attract the worm...

- Name: Nekona

- Single or taken: Taken

- Sex: Ciswoman

- Birthday: November 4th

- Sign: Scorpio

- Hair colour: Dark Brown

- Eye colour: Hazel

- Height: 5'3.5", 161 cm

- Are you straight/bisexual/gay?: Hetero-demisexual

____________________________________________________________________________
S P E C I F I C S
____________________________________________________________________________

- What kind of shampoo do you use?: A mix of Chi Nourishing Shampoo or Garnier junk I'm trying to use up.

- What are you listening to right now?: The sounds of nature and my city.

- Who is the last person that called you?: Someone soliciting donations for Breast Cancer funding.

- How many buddies are online right now?: I have no clue.

____________________________________________________________________________
F A V O U R I T E S
____________________________________________________________________________

- Animal: Felines, Canines

- Color: Black, Dark Green, Silver, Deep Reds and Purples

- Drink: Iced tea or watermelon juice.

- element: Earth with Fire as a close second because geology.

- Food: Japanese.

- Game: Currently playing Code: Realize, Guardian of Rebirth. Don't judge me please. XD

- Movie: So damn many. ;_; Dante's Peak, Murder by Death, Galaxy Quest, ect.

- Song: Currently digging Key Plus Words from Persona and Sound of Silence covered by Disturbed.

- Subjects in school: Science and English

- T.V.: Danganronpa 3: End of Hope's Peak is what I'm watching currently.

____________________________________________________________________________
H A V E | Y O U | E V E R
____________________________________________________________________________

- Given anyone a bath?: Yes.

- Smoked?: Yes, desperately trying to stop an anxiety attack. It worked once. Edibles are much better for anxiety but I haven't done anything since because it is illegal in my state and I'm a wuss.

- Bungee jumped?: Nope.

- Made yourself throw up?: Yes. I ate something that was bad and horked up what I could.

- Skinny dipped?: Yep

- Ever been in love?: Yes

- Made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: ...yeahhhh

- Pictured your crush naked?: Yes and no? I'm ace-spectrum so I can appreciate pretty nekkid bodies but they don't necessarily turn me on.

- Actually seen your crush naked?: Well, my boyfriend yes. Pretty much everyday.

- Cried when someone died?: Yes, very very much yes.

- Lied: I have.

- Fallen for your best friend?: I'm demisexual and it comes with the territory. Friendship is a prerequisite to romantic attraction.

- Used someone?: I hate to admit it but yes.

- Done something you regret?: Many, many things.

____________________________________________________________________________
C U R R E N T
____________________________________________________________________________

- Clothes: Boyfriend's old basic training sweatpants (so comfy) and a zippered hoodie.

- Desktop picture: A wolf on a cliff

- CD in player: CD?

- DVD in player: Dilbert

____________________________________________________________________________
L A S T | P E R S O N
____________________________________________________________________________

- You touched: Kissed my boyfriend goodbye before work. If you count animals my cat Melpomene

- Hugged: boyfriend

- You kissed: boyfriend

- You IMed: My "little brother"

- Talk to online: Boyfriend because I was a lazy ass downstairs and he was on the third story.

- You sexed it up with: Boyfriend or vibrator? XD

___________________________________________________________________________
A R E | Y O U
___________________________________________________________________________

- Understanding?: The best I can do.

- Open-minded?: I try to be as much as possible.

- Arrogant?: Usually only when dealing with stupid people.

- Insecure?: Unfortunately yes I'm very insecure.

- Random?: Fudge Bunnies on a Stick!

- Hungry?: Yes but here I am doing this questionnaire.

- Smart?: I like to think so.

- Moody?: Very. PTSD and it only got worse with my mental health crisis. I get super uncomfortable near hospitals, paramedics, ect. Surprisingly asylum based RPGs don't hit me at all. I know what they are really like and often laugh.

- Organized?: *a pile of junks slides off her nightstand*

- Shy?: Sometimes.

- Difficult?: difficult how? I'm a handful when I get moody that is true...but I'm not sure what context you want.

- Bored easily?: Yes.

- Entertained easily?: It depends. I will laugh at stupid shit.

- Obsessed?: It is a strong tendency with me.

- Lazy?: Somewhat. I still have no idea how I hauled my ass around on a commuter bus for two years.

- Angry?: I have a bad temper picked up from an abuser. I admit it. Also because I have codependency issues.

- Happy?: I try to be.

- Hyper?: I can be.

- Trusting?: Not nearly as much as I used to be.
___________________________________________________________________________
R A N D O M
___________________________________________________________________________

- In the morning: I mess around on the interbutts on my phone a bit.

- Love is: hard to describe and has many forms.

- I dream about: Disturbing stuff lately. Flashbacks to abuse lately.

- What do you notice first in the sex you're into: Eyes, nerd level, hair

___________________________________________________________________________
W H O
___________________________________________________________________________

- Makes you laugh the most: My boyfriend. He is such a derp and goof sometimes.

- Makes you smile: My friends.

-Gives you a funny feeling when you see him/her: The boyfriend
____________________________
D O | Y O U | E V E R
___________________________________________________________________________

- Sit on the internet all night waiting for that someone special to IM you?: Not really.

- Wish you were a member of the opposite sex?: Being male for abut would be fun, but I like being a girl despite the bleeding, boobs, and moodiness.

- Wish you were younger?: I feel old. I wish I could redo some things, but it isn't worth losing who I am now.

- Cry because someone said something to you?: I have. As an abuse victim yeah I have done this a lot.

___________________________________________________________________________
N U M B E R
___________________________________________________________________________

- Of times I have had my heart broken?: a few

- Of Cd's: I have hundreds digitally. Physically maybe 20?

- Of scars on my body: *grumbles about self-harm and not wanting to count*

- Of bones I've broken: Not a one, Lord and Lady willing.

Got questions for the Geokitty? Amuse me and fire away!

Dang it  surturthewolflord! :P

5 names you go by:
Nekona
Kitty
Geokitty
Derp
Reese

5 things you hate about yourself
My mental health issues
My laziness
My impulsive spending
My inability to be a good artist
My hand tremor

5 things you love about yourself
Decently intelligent
Kind
Creative
Decently attractive
I've survived a lot

5 hopes for humanity:
Most of the population getting common sense
People being kinder to eachother
Working together instead of against eachother
Working on traveling in Space and colonizing
Losing the hatred

5 body modifications you would want.
Being a freaking werewolf
Fixing my eyesight issues
A tattoo
Breast reduction after I have kids
Removing my self harm scars

5 things you want in a relationship
Cuddling
Shared sense of adventure
Kindness and openness with eacH other
Nerdiness
Fun


5 fetishes your into...>.<
The ones I will share:
Bondage
Dominating submissive/feminine men
Playfully unruly submissives
Femboys

5 jobs you want, real or fake
Fully credentialed science teacher
Assistant
Comedian
Writer
Badass warrior

5 things that scare you
Getting sick
Very steep slopes
Eternity
Mortality
Never being free of my psychological problems

5 kinky facts about you~
I own a lot of decent bondage gear from before Madame S leather went out of business
I own a physical copy of a furry porn comic signed by the author
I like written porn with plot best of all
I was supposed to write kinky fairy tale rewrites with my bestie but not sure of that
I almost was a voice actor in a visual novel for a small game company that didn't end up happening

5 places you want to go
Japan
Hawaii
Iceland
Britain
Scotland

5 of your favorite animals in the fandom
Felines
Wolves and werewolves
Dragons
Creative uniques
Scientifically accurate Dinos!

I just watched the Bill Nye Plant episode twice, followed by the first 37 minutes of Gravity three times in a row.

Tomorrow I get to lecture to the same class about metrics and then watch most of the last portion of Gravity three times in a row before watching a middle school talent show.

However I get to teach SCIENCE so yay.

Go Sharks come on! Yes, Geokitty does like a sport: hockey!

Hey guys, Nekona here.

So yesterday Bernie Sanders decided to come to my tiny town of all places. Got to watch him speak and recorded basically his entire rally speech though my mate and I missed the last few bits.

If anyone wants to see it let me know, though my hand tremor is so bad it makes it difficult to watch. I plan to strip the audio and keep that.

It was an experience and was interesting to see a presidential candidate, and to see secret service agents. That was kind of trippy.

Unfortunately the rally started at 10:30 but he didn't speak until 2:00, and we hadn't eaten and had barely brought anything so we were really, really weak and sunburnt by the end of it.

While I don't agree with everything, if Bernie can get the nomination he will get my vote.

Please don't turn this into a political debate. As long as your opinion isn't blatant hate we can agree to disagree. :)

Stolen from :usersurturthewolflord:

Happy birthday you big Direwolf goofball!

Rules:
1. Post these rules.
2. Post 8 facts about your character.
3. Tag a few other characters.
4. Post their names along with their creators' avatars.


1. Nekona, despite being a Geokitty, is actually clumsy and horrible in the field. She's happier educating others rather than doing hardcore mapping and climbing but she will hike to see interesting sights.
2. Nekona has a different form that has yet to be seen related to a dark secret.
3. Nekona's mom was a purebred Shaded Silver Himalayan cat. Nekona's dad was not in the picture.
4. Nekona's religion is best described as an Eclectic Wiccan/Pagan/hard to describe. While geology is her passion studying belief systems also tickles her fancy.
5. Nekona is borderline straight. Nekona is a switch and while she doesn't enjoy sex with other women she enjoys dominating them. She very much enjoys submissive females, males, and any gender you can think of. However she is monogamous and thus doesn't play around anymore.
6. Nekona is somewhat weak physically but is fairly intelligent. However she is stubborn as hell and unfortunately easy to trigger to anger which impairs her intelligence.
7. Nekona is exceptionally loyal, to a fault sometimes.
8. Nekona is horrible with handguns, but actually fairly capable as a sniper.


Really, I'm still giving Nekona a story. So this is a bit jumbled.

So I listened to rumors and acted on them. The. I find out the truth. Had a heart to heart with the ex. Realized that someone in the group is feeding false rumors. Really sad because one of my other "friends" has taken after me and has said she never wants to talk to me again.

My ex was always a crappy liar. I know he isn't lying and now I know that this shit isn't true and that some stuff came off *really wrong.* we talked for a long time. Had a good conversation. Had some laughs. He handed over Cthulhu Wars to me which holy crap I forgot he backed it at Max level. Massive freaking board game.

So many minis. Easily makes up for me getting less money.

I learned not to act on rumor. But I still fucked up things with my other friend and through her may lose half the group.

Well, I get what I deserve for trusting people. My ex is a manipulative jackass playing the victim and playing on my mental instability to try and turn people against me.

I probably deserve what I get but that reception was a bad idea. I was angry before I went and I ended up feeling hurt and left out. I hate wishing bad on people but part of me hopes he truly gets back tenfold what he puts out.

I stole this from  surturthewolflord

1. First thing you wash in the shower?
Forearms

2. What color is your favorite hoodie?
Black

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
My boyfriend

4. Do you plan outfits?
Sometimes

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?
Sore from gym and ready to get stuff done

6. What's the closest thing to you that's red?
Depending on the red either a container of sea salt or a placemat.

7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having?
Failing college classes I never enrolled in and being chased and beaten by my abuser who had help from my roommate who was someone I know in real life.

8. Did you meet anybody new today?
No, I only left the house to fill the neighbor's bird feeder.

9. What are you craving right now?
More subbing days so I'm not poor.

10. Do you floss?
I'm bad about subbing.

11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
Corned beef. Having some this weekend. <3

12. Are you emotional?
Way over emotional.

13. Have you ever counted to 1,000?
Yes. I had an interesting childhood.

14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
My teeth are so old sensitive I only lick it.

15. Do you like your hair?
My hair has been getting more awesome but sadly might be less awesome because I need a cheaper conditioner because I'm poor.

16. Do you like yourself?
Mostly.

17. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush?
He seems like he would be a chill guy to hang out with. Honestly think he was more of a puppet to others but he and I would not get along on most subjects politically.

18. What are you listening to right now?
Cars outside on the road.

19. Are your parents strict?
My Mom passed away and was always very open in raising me. My uncle who raised me after my Mom went into a nursing home was a nightmare. Who knows about my dad.

20. Would you go sky diving?
I want to try the indoor skydiving like in alas Vegas or something.

21. Do you like cottage cheese?
Yep, especially with sweet stuff added.

22. Have you ever met a celebrity?
Yep.

23. Do you rent movies often?
No, my boyfriend is a pirate. Arghhhhhhhh.

24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in?
Probably somewhere. But I'm in the dining room/living room and the table is a mess.

25. How many countries have you visited?
I have never left America but I have my passport now.

26. Have you made a prank phone call?
No, I always chickened out.

27. Ever been on a train?
Fairly often.

28. Brown or white eggs?
I prefer brown for some reason. Probably memories of when my aunt had chickens.

29. Do you have a cell-phone?
Yep, iPhone 6.

30. Do you use chap stick?
I do. Lip gloss as well

31. Do you own a gun?
I wish I could but now I legally can't because even voluntary psych hospitalization ended that right for me. :(

32. Can you use chop sticks?
Quite efficiently.

33. Who are you going to be with tonight?
My boyfriend. He'll probably play Xenoblade on the Wii U and I'll sew, read or play Persona 3 Portable while we cuddle on the couch.

34. Are you too forgiving?
I can go either way. I'm a bitch with grudges.

35. Ever been in love?
Yes.

36. What is your best friend(s) doing tomorrow (or the next soonest week day)?
One will likely be selling shoes, one will likely be searching for small shelly fossils, and my boyfriend will work then we will likely game together.

37. Ever have cream puffs?
Yes.

38. Last time you cried?
Last night. I bought boyfriend an Easter present and he reacted weird because he doesn't always understand how to have a girlfriend.

39. What was the last question you asked?
I don't remember.

40. Favorite time of the year?
Winter and summer.

41. Do you have any tattoos?
No, but I'd like one to cover up a couple of self-harm scars I fear won't fade away properly.

42. Are you sarcastic?
Quite often.

43. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?
I saw part of it and was so creeped out by the whole cord around the neck thing I had nightmares.

44. Ever walked into a wall?
Yes, apparently often while out of my mind on Ambien.

45. Favorite color?
Dark green, black, darker teals, dark red, silver

46. Have you ever slapped someone?
Yes, and there are several I should have slapped.

47. Is your hair curly?
It's been getting less so the more often I straighten it.

48. What was the last CD you bought?
I think it was Nightwish's Endless Forms Most Beautiful.

49. Do looks matter?
Not as much as the inside. Though an aesthetically pleasing outside isn't bad.

50. Could you ever forgive a cheater?
It depends on the situation.

51. Is your phone bill sky high?
Yes, but two phones are on it.

52. Do you like your life right now?
Yes, it is on the upswing.

53. Do you sleep with the TV on?
Nope. There isn't even a TV in my room.

54. Can you handle the truth?
Sometimes.

55. Do you have good vision?
I'm near-sighted and legally blind without my glasses and have divergence insufficiency, so no but I do have good up close vision for working with miniatures. :)

56. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?
I try not to hate people but there definitely are people on my shit list so yes.

57. How often do you talk on the phone?
Not often. I message far more often. Textual communication is easier than verbal.

58. The last person you held hands with?
My boyfriend

59. What are you wearing?
Air Force Sweatpants my boyfriend used in PT like 13 years ago that are comfy so I stole them, an undershirt and one of my boyfriend's shirts. It is my duty as girlfriend to steal his clothing and wear it lol.

60.What is your favorite animal?
Cats, dogs, and wolves.

61. Where was your favorite picture taken at?
My favorite picture of me was taken in a Tardis at the now closed Clockwork Couture.

62. Can you hula hoop?
Sort of. I'm sure Target has enough amusing footage of me trying.

63. Do you have a job?
I'm a substitute teacher, but need a summer job badly.

64. What was the most recent thing you bought?
Virtue's Last Reward for the Vita as an Easter present for my boyfriend.

65. Have you ever crawled through a window?
Yes, several times because I had a front door that sucked one summer.

That game was frigging awesome. Love the story love the characters and I spent like 3 months playing it and it totally helped me recover.

Yay Persona.

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/...../#cid:49266149

She's a really nice gal and wants to live a paleontology dream so if you can help her out go for it. Geology and paleontology were in the same department at my school and thus I view paleontologists as my Earth Science siblings.

Plus Utah has epic geology AND paleontology. One of my besties is a paleobiologist from there. <3

Realized what I need to do in order to get closure.

Writing ex's parents a letter and including copies of the large (27000+ amount of checks I wrote for my ex. Ex's mom was such a wonderful, warm, kind person who I really admired and is incredibly talented.

His Mom was really special to me and to be honest it was like losing a second mom.

This weekend is horrible. I should be in Disneyland right now at the start of a wedding party for my friend. Instead My mate and I were disinvited because I had been suicidal and having issues.

The 15th is the anniversary of my Mother's death. Going to have a piece of art done for that hopefully.

I'm just generally depressed. Not the suicidality type but the sad point in life type. I was looking so forward to that wedding and only in the last week have I really gotten my 2016 started. Hopefully will be working soon.

Generally I'm a sad Geokitty.

...but no I'm having to take extra time in the transition program because SB county mental health cannot get their stuff straight and get back to me.

First, they screw up my prescription not even ordering them and it takes 3 days and me, rite aid, and the program nurse trying to get them in. On top of that they don't do prior authorization so my boyfriend pays $300 for my medicine and I may be stuck paying $300 a month until they get their shit together. Thanks Pristiq for not being off of generic until 2022!

I filed a change of case worker that will probably be granted considering how abusive my caseworker was to me. It wasn't me who got patient advocates involved. It the was the woman who saw me covered in blood and being yelled at and treated horribly by my caseworker who did and I have yet to be able to thank this woman.

Now I'm trying to see if I'm going to get another case worker and they can't even call me back when I leave messages. The nurses at the program I'm in are equally pissed as I am at this.

So much of my stress and depression are caused by me being stuck with Cencal as my insurance. If I made enough subbing I could have real insurance where my medicine wouldn't cost me over 3 days of substituting.

On top of this I have no idea when my next appointment with my psychiatrist to start tapering off of my medicines is. No, I cannot just be on Klonopin and restoril the rest of my life. The longer I'm on these benzos the harder it will be to taper off. I am slowly becoming dependent on them to sleep and I cannot cold turkey these medicines or I can have seizures and probably another two weeks of shitty sleep to make me go batshit again. I don't want to go back in the hole.

And through all of this I am fucking lucky. I'm with it enough to advocate for myself and my boyfriend watches over me but the incompetence of this system as a whole makes me want to scream fuck it and run off to Vegas and marry my boyfriend for his insurance so at least my condition wouldn't be complicated by the hell county mental health is causing me.

There are good people there, but the place has me fucking traumatized. I put on a brave face, but inside I'm trembling and want to scream every time I am there.

No treatment plan. No case worker information. No nothing.

Also fuck S.L here because he is an abusive cocky young mfti who verbally abuses his clients and I am too much of a pussy to put in a real complaint about him.

If you are in Santa Maria and get this guy as your case worker just request a change off the bat.

Also...it's fun learning who your real friends are. Should have been going to a wedding at Disneyland the 14th but people love to withdraw from those with depression so my boyfriend and I were disinvited.

On top of all of this my ex is being a dickhead and neglecting my cats. His mom is definitely getting mailed copies of the ~30,000 in checks I wrote him along with a quilt she made using family heirlooms because unlike her son...I actually pay people back. They should believe me considering they lent me 3k and were paid back the second I got money and looked surprised. (They bailed out the ex over 30k and a new car, then bailed out their other son 20k)

I hope ex's new girlfriend doesn't get used like I do.

Anyways this angry ball of feline is going to go dry her hair and play more Persona since it is raining like mad.

Well after a pathetic attempt at suicide(I ripped up a soda can and shredded my arm in desperation. Going to have some icky scars), some abuse at the hands of a case worker, and some other stuff I'm out of the psych hospital.

I spent almost a week in an acute psychiatric unit and am now in a transfer unit. I'm slowly getting my mental faculties back and have my phone back and I'm still having focus and memory issues but I'm getting slowly better.

I am sorry to those I scared. You don't deserve that. I understand if ya'll Unwatch the crazy Geokitty.

I don care to talk much about the mental hospital but it was pretty traumatic but also helped me get what I needed to get done.

But I'm pretty sure I'm getting dementia. I can't read a book anymore because whatever I say goes in and and out. I'm really afraid of this. I hope I'm not.

I'm not going to be talking about anything wrong. Only good things. Like damn did I have some epic dreams last night!

So guys I'm not in inpatient care as they decided I am not serious enough for that and that it would hurt me more than help me.

I am currently trying Zoloft for depression and anxiety. I have a quick relief panic medicine that I'm kind of too afraid to take right now since I react so badly to meds. Benzodiazepines and Nekonas are not a good combo. Klonopin made me more suicidal and sucked joy out of my life and I'm still getting that junk out of my body.

I think the Zoloft is starting to work but I am still very anxious.

Hopefully I will continue to do better and defeat my fears.

I'm probably going to be going into inpatient care. I've been suicidal and almost did it. My wrist is messed up but I stopped before anything dangerous.

I may be gone awhile. Keep being awesome all you fuzzy butts. I will find a way to beat this depression and anxiety and I will come back stronger than ever before.

Well this has been kind of crazy mentally and physically. Stress caused me to snap pretty badly and I was in a lot of physical pain, worried, and had a mental breakdown to the point I came very close to doing inpatient treatment for it.

The health stuff is slowly resolving though my stupid anxiety is convinced I will have the problems forever. I ended up having such a bad stress breakdown that I ended up having my boyfriend call the county's mental health triage. I'm going to be getting help. I'm doing better but don't want to collapse borderline suicidally again.
I'm hoping I can get some sleep tonight. I had that anxiety thing last night where I woke up every hour on the hour. Hugs for all ya'll crazy furs out there.