So here we go. You want to know why I haven't been all that active here? Part of it is that I seem to have lost some friends. But mostly, it's because I've been too busy.

I've recently started a new job. I am a school librarian with Prince George's County Public Schools. And I'm expected to teach, too! In other words, I've fulfilled this journal!

https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/9456597/

I love being a teacher! Is it easy? Not even a little! But I have a lot of fun doing it! It definitely feels better than my last job. It feels so very, very good, making so many kids happy just by being me! It is by far the greatest honor I will ever know.

I have also bought a condo in Takoma Park. In other words, I officially have a real job with real money, and soon, I will have a real place of my own that's still not too far off from my parents.

Isn't it weird? Around this time last year, I thought for sure the worst thing that could happen to me would.

https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/9451160/

I was so scared that my dad would die, but he's been fine for some time now. I thought I would lose my job- and I did,- but I got a better one. I have lost much due to the pandemic, but I have regained so, so much more.

I only wish this. I wish, with all my heart, that a woman I loved, and still do love, so, so much, were still alive to share it with me.

I think I'll visit her one day for a vacation. My way of saying thank you.

https://youtu.be/YUkObNlWjsI

Oh, Lord God, Mother of God, have mercy on the women of Afghanistan.

5,500 Americans dead. (3,000 dead from 9/11, 2,500 dead from a 20+ year long war.) And for nothing.

Sigh......

When did it happen? Was it when we decided to stay in Afghanistan after Osama was killed? Was it when Edward Snowden had to go into exile for telling the truth and everyone in America just shrugged? Was it when Trump finally got his Muslim ban? Or was it when we decided we were okay with sacrificing our civil rights to "flatten the curve"?

Everything is worthless.

has been for some time now.

What we think happened was, the heat caused fluid to build up in his heart, thus making him feel like he was about to suffocate.

I'm very glad it was fixable without complaint. He's back and better than ever now!

He'll probably be fine, but please send prayers/good vibes.

I'm gonna be a school librarian, god willing! And I'm 88% sure I'm in, given that I had to sign an employee agreement and everything. That was last week, and I haven't heard anything from the hq in Upper Marlboro just yet. Selfishly, I hope they get a move on soon. I really kind of need to be earning income. Unselfishly? I really want to do something good with my life, and my family's dharma always seems to lie in education.

It's gonna mean a lot of changes. I'm gonna have to learn how to teach on the side, since school librarians typically have to be certified teachers. Heh, kinda fulfilling what I said in this journal, huh? (https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/9456597/) And I've been given a big responsibility- the teaching and care of other people's children. Nothing more and nothing less than the most important job in the world! I'm not unnerved. I know I have what it takes. But I'm gonna have to learn a whole new skillset in the process.

I look forward to it though, actually. I very much look forward to being someone kids can look up to, and to doing my part to make the world more knowledgeable and compassionate. God knows we're gonna have a lot of rebuilding to do.

Yesterday by the time most of y'all see this.

I had a good day. A friend of mine I haven't seen for a long time came from Indiana, and we all had tapas with wine. We would have been more, but my brother David had a bad scare with dehydration. I mean, cramps, intense pain- the works. He very nearly had to go to the hospital. He's all right, don't worry! But for now, it's a strict regimen of bed rest.

Nonetheless, we had a great time. Besides tapas, we had chocolate cake and wine afterward. I'm very glad to be another year older and wiser.

That being said, one major thing weighs on me: I am not a young man anymore. Meaning, if I do anything dumb, it will be my own fault entirely. I'm not sad over it! But part of me wishes I wasn't 30 for that reason. I've matured against my will.

Still, I've done fairly well for myself. I have a job that matters, and soon I will have a place of my own somewhere.

Look at him!

https://youtu.be/XNFGb5RJwrk

Things are reopening. That is very joyful, especially after everything that happened over the past year and three months.

This feels appropriate.

https://youtu.be/VSrshXVjPuE

Here's their song Today in violin

https://youtu.be/sV9pHacl2M8

No one but  Landonbay and  TheHotrodhero ever bother to post anything good on here.

The few that do are either jerks or worse.

It is also called the Law of Merited Impossibility. It goes like this.

That will never happen, and when it does, you are going to deserve it.

Enjoy this vid of a happy golden retriever smiling to Here Comes The Sun.

https://youtu.be/F4we73GHH9k

Today my brother will be released from the hospital. He has had a lot of surgery on his ankle, which was apparently quite painful. Even morphine didn't quite abate it. I do wish he wouldn't work so hard to make life more difficult for himself, but I'm still glad he is alive. Hopefully this will be a wake-up call of sorts for him. I won't say that to his face, because obviously he has suffered enough.

In the meantime, this has been a rather difficult year for us, hasn't it? Most of furaffinity has died, gone crazy, or moved on to other platforms. I have indeed lost much, and yet for more reasons I can't describe, have gained more. I feel more Catholic than ever, not less. I have an important job as a magazine writer. And soon, I rather think I'll be starting a new job later this year as a school librarian.

In the meantime, I walk down the quiet country road with the overcast gray sky, while the crows caw in the distance, satisfied, not sad, and quietly joyful.

Don't worry, he's still alive. But his ankle was shattered.

He was driving while intoxicated after fighting with his girlfriend, then he hit a guardrail. Then he got hit by a car after he walked down the highway.

I would very much appreciate any prayers you can give at this time.

you know, him.

If you personally want them back for some reason, please let me know. But I don't think I'll be hosting them in my gallery anytime soon.

I couldn't resist!

https://youtu.be/ZBNxbbix1qk

prepares you for having kids.

For example, last night-
Billie: Meow!
Me: No, Billie.
Billie: Meow!
Me: No, honeyhun. It's much too cold out.
Billie: Meow!
Me: You'll freeze your little tail off!
Billie: Meow!
Me: Don't you take that tone of voice with me, young lady.
Billie: Meow!
Me: Don't argue with me! It's much too cold out for little kitties!

Later that same evening-
Lillie: Hiss!
Me: Lillie, no hissing at your sister! We don't say mean words, we say nice words!

Not until all my debts, both to myself and to others, are repaid.

But I think it would be better suited for tonight.

Lyrics-
My sinful soul, why do you not weep?
You must weep, soul, and lament always.
But in that, you will find consolation.

For if you do not lament your sins,
you surely will not escape hell.
And after you die, you will not be able to weep at all.

The angels wear the crown of suffering on their heads,
and yet their only song is this-
Alleluia, Alleluia, Alleluia.

https://youtu.be/xOiycw4UQGA

I looked in the mirror today and could have sworn I have some gray hairs now. That's how bad things have gotten.

Sorry, digression.

When I first got into this, it was because people like Fred, Sarah, Ari, and Gemma inspired me. To my mind and way of thinking, babyfur art was about worshipping what was good and what was true before the adult world corrupted it. Found especially moved me deeply all those years ago. Sarah even more so. More than she will likely ever truly know. I loved pretending to be a father very much. I still do want kids more than anything! But I digress again.

And now?

I have seen way too many genuinely awful people invade the fandom and do horrible, horrible things. Deviants, pedophiles, and worse. I have watched too many of the people I love die or go insane. With Sarah gone especially, I only have so much inspiration. And what Milo apparently did (I really, really, really hope its not true,) I have myself wondering if I'm not being honest with myself here.

I'm not leaving yet, or really anytime soon. But dishonesty of any type has become a luxury I can no longer afford.

Dad's been thinking about retiring to Sarasota. I told him I'd accompany him and Mom IF I can find work down there.

I don't know how to feel about it. I don't feel bad! And Lord knows I can't stay in the D.C Area forever, especially not as everything gets too expensive and "racial equity training" is becoming a thing. Economically, I surely wouldn't do worse. But it's not easy to contemplate. I've lived here for over 30 years. Just going ahead and moving isn't small to think about.

I just hope I'll be okay if I can't get work and have to stay here. Rent is getting bigger and bigger, and I don't think MCPL is going to promote me to full-time anytime soon. It's because they don't wanna spend the money! Oh, but there's magically enough money for an Office of Racial Equity and Social Justice that has nothing to do with the library's mission.

Anyway, we'll see what happens in June.

I'm turning 30 this summer.

I don't wanna be big! I wanna keep being a kid!