Anyway, one thing I've learned from 2020 is that we Americans? We don't really like being free. Being free implies things like personal responsibility and personal choices, and those are dangerous to the collective goal. No, we like feeling safe much better than being free, and we'll sacrifice everything to have this feeling. Our economy, our children's education, our personal autonomy and self-worth as human beings, you name it. Its the reason we still have to let ourselves get groped just to board an airplane, and why Edward Snowden's never coming home.

Can't say I feel optimistic for the next decade.

Sure I'll be mad, but I'll be a good amount less mad if you don't leave me to find out on my own. That's mean, cowardly, and judgemental as heck.

All right? Good.

The mystery of love is greater and far more frightening than the mystery of death.

https://youtu.be/2nm4xv3firw

This particular piece dates back to about 400 A.D. Lyrics, melody and all. Pretty cool, huh? I had the privilege of singing this once.

I love the Amen at the end. It sounds very loving.

https://youtu.be/k1yd9JhLPyM

I sincerely hope none of you have to confront the agony that is trying to pay your bills, all of which are several hundred dollars or more, while you have no job. Unemployment relief will only be so generous with you.

Not to mention the usual aggravations that come with trying to get a job. You apply, they make you wait a month, then tell you you don't get it without saying why/how.

That is all.

Borrowed from  Orangetabby106

🌈 Lost someone close to you? My Aunt June died of cancer when I was 15. I was rather sad, since she and my Uncle Dave took me to Disneyworld with my Mom and younger siblings.

🌈 Consumed alcohol? 21. I tried wine for the 1st time on my 21st and didn't like it at first. Now I like it very much! I enjoy it with dinner, or while watching TV with my Dad.

🌈 Received a kiss? Technically, when I was 6, I kissed a girl under a tree as a dare. We both thought it was disgusting! Romantically, it was last week with  Orangetabby106 I'm 29. (Don't judge me...)

🌈 Went to the hospital? I don't think I've ever had to go to the hospital, unless you count my birth.

🌈 Had a broken heart? 27.

🌈 Lost a pet? Our cat, Sammy, ran away when I was 8 or 9.

🌈 Got arrested? Never.

🌈 Broke a bone? Never, thank goodness.

🌈 Got your first job? 17. I worked for a salvage company out of Hyattsville called PuroClean. We'd go into houses that had been gutted by mold, fire, or water damage and fix them up.

🌈 Got a boyfriend or girlfriend? Technically 15, but I'm pretty sure she was trying to make fun of me. The first time I properly had one was at 26.

🌈 Went to a concert? 5 or 6 maybe? I have vague recollections of seeing The Nutcracker at my local college theater.

🌈 Met someone famous? I didn't meet him, exactly, but I did get to see Barack Obama give a campaign speech in person at the Comcast Center.

🌈 Got in a car wreck? No car wrecks, but I did bang up another dude's bumper when I was 27. It was not long after I got my license. Raised my insurance premiums by about $20, which wasn't too bad.

🌈 Dyed your hair? 19. I was trying to look like Anton Chigurgh for a Halloween party. It didn't work. The next time, I shaved my head to look like Bane, and that went much better!

🌈 Flew on an airplane? Can't really remember, but apparently we did fly to New Orleans when I was a month old. The first one I can remember was a flight to France when I was 4 or 5. We used to fly to Paris every winter as part of my Dad's job, he taught French history at the University of Maryland.

🌈 Went to another state? Gosh, I can't really remember. I think Delaware when I was 6 or 7?

🌈 Went across the country? The first I can remember? 3. We'd drive to Toronto to visit my Dad's academic partner. I hated it because every time I had to ring Uncle Tim's doorbell, I would get this overwhelming wave of shyness crest over me, and I had to run back to the car, or my Mom's arms. (Also, he's not really my uncle, we just called him that because he and my Dad were and still are super close.)

🌈 Went to another country? 3. It was to France, like I said. We'd go every winter until I was 10.

🌈 Got a tattoo? Never.

🌈 Had a piercing? Never

🌈 Smoked pot? 19. I've long since given it up.

🌈 Smoked a cigarette? Never.

🌈 Went to Disneyland or Disney World? 10. I went with my Aunt and Uncle. My Mom and my brothers James and David came too.

🌈 Had A Long term relationship? 26.

🌈 Dated somebody of another race? Technically 16. I went to a high school that was 65% black to less than 5% white. (I was the minority there!) I had a pretty big crush on this black girl on my track team named Elizabeth. So I asked her out to the fall dance, but she couldn't make it. I ended up going with her Ghanaian stepsister instead. We had a pretty good time, but it never really lifted off.

🌈 Passed out from drinking? Never.

🌈 Became a furry? Not sure how much I count, but I signed up for this website when I was 19 so I could read  toddlergirl's Found.

🌈 Went to your first non business / work related convention? Don't think I've ever had one of those. We've had comic conventions at the library I used to work at, but that's kinda cheating, huh?

If Biden ends up winning, which he probably will, I'll be rather surprised. Frankly, he put up such a lackluster campaign I'm surprised he even got this far. But I won't be worried about having him in office. Why would I be? We've already been governed by one incompetent boob for 4 years and survived. That doesn't bother me at all.

What does bother me is his VP pick. Kamala Harris has a long-running track record of anti-Catholic bigotry, has a smaller capacity for honesty than a used-car salesman, and railroaded David Daleiden into nonexistence for the crime of telling the truth about the abortion industry. I think the first is the most troubling and infuriating for me personally. In an age in which literally anything can get you canceled, why does anti-Catholic racism get a free pass? We rightfully condemn the GOP's willingness to compromise with Islamophobia, why should the DNC not be called out for it?

God help us if Biden dies or goes senile while in office.

(Just for the record, I didn't give either my vote. I voted third party.)

Marco diPonza tiptoed gently into Mama and Daddy's room. Mommy was still sleeping, but there was something very important he needed to tell her!

"Mama?" the little mouse said.

"Mmm?" Katrina murmured, sleepily.

"You know about Angela?" he asked.

"Mm-hmm...she's your little sister..." Katrina mumbled.

"Yeah, she just went outside," said Marco.

"Mmm..."

"She's got her little red boots," he continued.

"Mm-hmm..."

"And her favorite umbrella," he said.

"That's nice, sweetie..."

"And that's it."

"Okay...." said Katrina. Then she realized what her son had just said!

"Wait, is she nakie?!" she exclaimed.

"Uh-huh," Marco said, simply.

"Aaack! Marco, why didn't you get a diaper on her?!" Katrina shouted. She jumped out of bed, grabbed a bathrobe, and quickly fished a clean diaper out of the box nearby.

Marco giggled as he watched Mama run pell-mell up the front path, diaper in hand, in her bathrobe. She needed to diaper Angela up quick quick quick before anyone saw anything!

Saving the best part for last was always fun!

I've been having a good time with the lovely :Orangetabby106: here in Florida. We've been doing a lot of stuff together, she and I. So far, we have-

-Gone to this fair in her hometown as Tod Puppy. I played the role of cameraman, as usual.
- Gone thrift shopping. She looves that! I can't wait to reintroduce her to Value Village here in D.C.
-Visited the aquarium in Tampa. She hasn't been there since high school, so she really enjoyed that one!

As for tomorrow? We might go to the beach with some friends of hers. For certain, there's the Halloween party on Saturday! I do look forward to that one.

I love her so much.

Gonna be seeing my beloved  Orangetabby106 for a week and a half.
I'm looking forward to seeing her and helping her out with Tod Puppy! That, and maybe watching either an animated flick or a bolloywood piece if we're lucky.

I'll admit to being a little nervous, but in a good way. We'll see how this goes.

Hey guys! So like my girlfriend  Orangetabby106 said, this Friday, I'll be flying out of Reagan to Florida to go spend time with her. Gonna be helping her with a certain halloween party, and something else this weekend. I'm really looking forward to seeing her. Ah man...she's like a warm bit of sunshine on a cool fall afternoon. I can't wait to hold her real tight. I'm renting a trailer for a week, it's this really nice hippie thing painted in red. I can't wait to check in, I just hope there's enough room for us both!

Job-front and finance wise? I'm alive. I'll just say that. I'm just applying all over and hoping someone somewhere takes me seriously. Sigh...I hope you never have to experience the indignity that comes from applying and applying and applying some more for jobs you know you can do, but you never hear back from any of them. I got bills to pay, and means to pay them, so I'm ok for now, but its not exactly a fun situation to be in.

What else? I've taken advantage of the time I have off to go visit the rest of my home state of Maryland. So far, I've visited Antietam battlefield, Cumberland and Frostburg, and Garrett County. (My brother James studies at the university in Frostburg, so I got to see him too.) If you've never been out to Western Maryland, I recommend it. Lots of beautiful mountains, plenty of space for adventure tourists- hikers, bikers and the like.

I also visited Ocean City on the Eastern shore with my mom. If you've never been there, its a big resort city on the Eastern shore of Maryland, very popular with families with small kids during the summer. (Its pretty good for adults too!) Think Sarasota, but not quite as tall. It's also a really popular destination for car and motorcycle enthusiasts. I had a good time, and my Mom did too. She said she wanted to see the ocean one more time before the weather got too cold.

I don't expect it to make sense. Just listen.

https://youtu.be/fUNoREwIKHg

I was sorry to hear of your loss. For her sake and yours, I will pray a novena for her starting today.

https://www.catholicdoors.com/praye.....nas/p03462.htm

I don't know if I was happier. But, I feel like life mattered more then. Like art, music, and poetry had more meaning.
I felt more too. When I was happy, I laughed and cheered. When I was sad, I could not be consoled so easily.
It feels like too much of life got too convenient and fast too quickly.

1. Never compromise on your morals just to have friends. Trust me, it's not worth it.

2. Never ever feel like you have to "sit back and take it" just to be a man. If someone bullies you, I want you to talk to me about it; I will fight for you.

3. Never let anyone pressure you into having sex before you're married. You are not less of a man for it, and you'll likely do your marriage a lot more favors by staying chaste beforehand.

Disclaimer: I'm not saying I have done the opposite of these things necessarily. I'm just saying this is what I would tell my son. Boys need more positive ideals for masculinity than what our culture gives them, and certainly what it gave me growing up.

Every Saturday, I go with some friends of mine to protest/sidewalk counsel at the local Planned Parenthood. I do this from about 10 to 12 noon.

If you ever decide to be pro-life, know that you will need great courage of the heart. You have no idea what terrible hatred you will have to endure for the crime of protesting the murder of children. And today was quite grueling.

We came within about a hair's breath of being arrested. Someone called the cops on us, claiming we were causing a disturbance and blocking the entrance. We weren't. Fortunately, the cops saw that too, and left us alone. It would not surprise me if someone in the clinic did it on purpose, just to intimidate us.

A man with his 7 or 8 year-old son flipped us off and yelled obscenities at us. When I said in return, God bless you and your son, he snarled Thanks, he was planned! The fact that he said that right in front of his son saddens me greatly.

But the worst was this. A woman stole one of our signs and walked off with it. I pursued her. I implored her to give it back. She shouted F*ck you and crumpled it up right in front of me. I asked her what crime we had committed. She snarled at me that it was my fault she couldn't get an abortion. She flipped me off as I stared at her, sadly.

I had to suffer quite badly today. But I will not back down. I will not be bullied and intimidated into silence. I will be back next Saturday, and I will prevent murder in the ways I can.

Well, I got fired. Budget for MCPL has been severely reduced, and apparently doesn't expect to recover until 2023.

I have more than enough unemployment benefits to see this through. But I don't know what I'm gonna do for a job once things reopen now.

Heh. Its the same old story. When trouble comes, the rank and file who keep the business afloat are gonna be the first to go. But those overpaid and underworked managers? Oh, they're gonna stay right where they are.

When someone threatened to stab me and successfully eluded the course of justice, I didn't complain.

When my boss asked me to fudge the figures on my timesheet so he could get more work out of me, because labor was so hard to come by, I didn't complain.

When they made me wait 9 months for a job I was more than qualified for, then said I wasn't good enough for it because I didn't have enough experience, even though I had worked for them for 3 years by that point, I did complain. But I was ignored.

Why didn't I complain? Because I assumed my hard work and long suffering would be rewarded. Stupid, stupid me.

I'm going back to bed.

I don't think I'm gonna survive.

Pray for me.

No one cares? Fine.

Arrgh! I typed out a whole story but never got around to scanning the picture. I'll have to do that tomorrow.

Anyway, I'm back. I wanted to get away from the lust and find some inspiration. Draw from my true self, y'know?

I'll be here for quite some time.

I've decided to depart furaffinity for a little while. I've decided the babyfur fandom has become too corroded with lust and what is untrue. When my inspiration/ desire returns, I will return too.

Also, I'm 29 today, and Sarah and I have reconciled.

God, was I nervous! Almost like when I was learning to drive for the 1st time. I'm not sure why, my Spanish is pretty good. But all in all, it went pretty well.

I tried to talk to my grandfather last night. Maybe I called too late, 'cause it went to voicemail. Some other time soon, I think.

We tried to talk to my grandfather today. The one from Rochester, I mean. https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8982749/
Dad wanted to get his help, about releasing a certain sum of money endowed to me, in order to pay off my car early.

Well, as soon as he picked up, the line went dead. And he wouldn't pick up after. I'm not that surprised. I'm gonna call him tomorrow to see how he is. Not because I like him. He bores me, and when he doesn't bore me, he angers me. But I don't dislike him so strongly that I'm not going to ignore him when I don't think he wants that.

Ever since that awful day in December, I have agonized. Was it my fault, at least a little? My own mind says no, but how do I know I'm not being self-absolving? I'm not the one who threw the first punch, true. But I was mad. I was mad at my Mom, for forcing me, it felt like, to spend time with someone I didn't like or trust. For two weeks. Without pay, at the height of the holiday season at work. Maybe part of me wanted to hurt, and be hurt.

But he really is a genuinely awful person. Unrepentant womanizer, laughs at all the wrong things, never says sorry, never takes responsibility for what he's done, always tries to blame someone else when karma catches up. Whenever his concubine- oh sorry, wife,- gets jealous or bored, she likes to liven things up by insulting us, and he always takes her side.

Sorry. I'm ranting. Point is, I'm gonna try to be the bigger man, and talk to him. Wish me luck.

Its a question that's been nagging me for some time now. Have too many people left? Seriously! My stuff from last year got something like at least a 100 pageviews a piece; now they barely crack 50. And its not just me,  Orangetabby106 Sarah has gotten fewer views despite having considerably more talent.

Weird, right?

It would seem St. Marks, owing to the COVID pandemic, has chosen to let my teacher go. Not merely furlough her, let her go. I'm mad about that. It strikes me as a poor way of rewarding loyalty, regardless of the current situation.

Most of my friends on here seem to have moved there.