My friend Josey passed away recently, and its been strange. Strange in the sense that at first I couldn't feel anything, and now all I do is mope for now.

What likely set this off is I had a IM window I had opened a few days ago still fresh on my screen, I tend to forget to close groups like that, I never got around to typing hello or saying anything to them that day. Opting instead to just take my pain meds and sleep. I know there is no way I could have known but, It still hurts realizing I won't ever get another chance to say anything.

It bugs me a little that all I've seen are people talking about fetish community stuff regarding them, and while that's nice and all if you are super into it. Josey was a super sweet person outside of those things.

My life situation is fucked up, I say that only to lead to this, despite knowing the crazy complications of debt and whatnot, Josey offered me a place to stay. I declined, though now I sorta view that in a regretful stance, because I couldn't imagine complicating things for them further given how nice they are.

They where always fun to chat with, I don't have logs of conversation to post. Even if I did, I wouldn't want to post them.

I can't imagine how their family is taking it, friends that knew them personally in real life either. it hurts bad enough from a distance, I hope they manage to cope and remember the best parts of knowing them.

The thing I will remember most about them is though, how bouncy and bubbly they where when we spoke. How nice they where on voice chat even in competitive stuff when we played. And most importantly how good of a friend they where to me.

Today is my birthday. For those of you who read journal titles, you likely came to this conclusion well before reading my long-winded post over nothing.

Before going too far, understand this is slightly, mostly, if not flatout self reflective and moderately to severely depressing.

Some facts:
I am 27 as of today.'
I am unable to make a "fursona" or "persona" online without really being unhappy with it. yet to find something I feel is really "me"
Student loans are the devil.
College is not there for your education, it is a money making industry.

Halfway into that list I just deleted it all and said "suck it up faggot" and kept rolling. I don't like to whine or bitch at people about my situation, most people who matter know already and its all I need.

Anyways, honestly its weird how at this age, vs about 5 years ago my perspective on the entire "birthday" thing has shifted. It used to be "lolfreestuffthx" but, now its more of a somber kinda reflective feel. That increasing feeling that some incredible unknown deadline is getting closser and I should do something with myself before its too late.

@_@

Birthday coming up soon~
june 4th.

I will be 27 this year. Kinda crazy thinking about the fact that I have only 3 years till I am 30

Unrelated header.

So, new journal, more owls.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9hBpF_Zj4OA
The vestibulo-ocular reflex is wonderful.

Seriously, My luck sucks :C

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xuJcIkMek14

Woot, so between drugs and sleeping a lot, I totally just found out tomorrow is my birthday.
Somehow snuck up on me.

I will be 26 @_@

Getting old fast D:!

I currently use a final fantasy VII original disc as a coaster for my sodas.

It was in fairly good condition too before the move.

Disc 2.

[EDIT]To pressing enter to fast:


Continuing along. Thank you to everyone who has continuously shown me support despite my ills and bad attitudes towards them~.

A huge thank you to all the art Ive received the past year or so and the art that Ive commissioned on how well it turned out. And A even bigger thank you to the art I will receive in the future.

My friends, random strangers, people I say hi to regularly. [I nearly wrote high in place of hi] I am glad to have you here and well :3, wanted to say that~

... that I am half positive I am going crazy. However, It could be that I think I am so therefore I am going. Pain killers or not, my sense of time and concept of self is deteriorated. When I feel Lucid I feel tired, sluggish, ready to curl up and wait for nothing to happen.

I don't even know why I avoid people or things anymore. Some stupid form of anesthetic amnesia from having so many surgeries so close maybe? Or probably the year of me having a steady stream of narcotics during all waking hours of the day.

Thanks to everyone who left the kind comments and stuff, checking in on me and general sweetness was well appreciated. <though possibly not all remembered given the drugs> The surgery went off fine, and I have to just take it easy.

The only bad thing is, the prior surgery from 2 months ago, the ligament never healed up after it... so its still really torn. Just gotta wait and hope it heals :3.

Anyways, its nice not to be all taped and needled up.



See what I did there, back surgery, not doing anything, puns puns puns words.

So, Im gonna be drugged up for a few days, and bed ridden for at least a week.
See you all later.

Well, I postponed and waited long enough, the MRI I had a few days ago revealed what I had already guessed to be true, I need another surgery on my back @_@. Starting Jan 11, I will be a little scarce again.



in other not so down news, I have finished my Donkey :3c on sl. Been meaning to update a ref sheet and get art of it, but stuff has kept coming up. <see pain killers>

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v.....orbidette2.png
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v.....e792352499.png
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v.....bidette1-1.png

No really, I spent about 4 hours staring into the abyssal void of my dark house and freaking out over strange disturbing thoughts that kept manifesting themselves in vague hallucinations.

I am not reading any more Lovecraft quotes or Giger arts while taking this medication.

Kept having this fucking increasingly disturbing vision of a giant white spider and some neon web. And the longer I thought about it the more complex and detailed its description and vision became x.x;

Following up on my last :edit later for journal link: entry

I had another discectomy/spinal decompression two weeks ago. Still having issues, now my foot has decided "hey lets go numb and refuse to move when you want it to.

So... this friday I will be having yet another one. I think my disc keeps re rupturing.
December 3rd is the new date, kinda just too psychologically worn out from the last one. Its strange what it does to you.

L4 or L5, whichever one is above the other. Both have been operated on before, just the top one is still giving me issues @_@;

So given that I now have time to play video games, I'm picking up stuff I missed but should have played. Little Big Planet has always been one of the cool things I never got around to playing.

Its fun, I've beaten the "story" mode that really just showcases what you can do. However, I'm still questing for those silly stickers. there are a lot of 2 and 4 player sticker requirements. So if anyone wants to get them together sometime, or just wants to show off the neat stuff they've done in the game. My PSN ID is Neyodragon.

Really dissapointed in the games lack of support on the obviously hacked and griefed numbers.

So, I realize I haven't talked to a lot of people lately, and honestly it isn't because I'm avoiding you. I'll do it now while I still can focus on what Im thinking about before another pill~

To breakdown my past year to put it into perspective:

It started in march, for the past year before that my hip had been hurting to the point of being debilitating. I thought I was just out of shape and lazy, that it was some horrible limit to how little exercise I get sometimes even though I work really hard when I am at work.

I took my vacation on march 2nd, believing I needed a month week off to relax, take it easy, and go see a doctor about my Hip pain. One MRI later, I thought I had fractured a hip. It turns out I ruptured the lowest disc in my spine badly. 1/4th of my disc was bulged out, pushing against my spine and causing my hip to hurt from the pressure.

By March 12th, I could barely walk, the same day we saw the Neurological specialist and he suggested I get a epidural of steroids into my spine. Which sucked, it worked for about a week. The awesome thing was the first time, I was so nerved up, the sedative they gave me sorta blacked it out and I didn't recall it. Second time, not so lucky, Being conscious as they stick what feels like a pen sized needle into your spine and wiggle it to find where it should go near the rupture point to inject the steroids is a little weird. you can only have about 3 of these injections per year apparently

It helped, but not really, a week passed and I was back to hurting. They had to wait 2 months before I could get into surgery, so I was off work that entire time. So, I have the first major surgery in my life. I don't recall anything aside from the mild embarrassment from being told to strip down and put on the hospital gown. Then I woke up feeling like someone had run me over.

I won't go into the gross details about them putting in a drain for the blood and stuff. But a week ago, and 6 months have nearly passed, my medical leave was over earlier, and now my short term disability has ended. My job has terminated me as of 8/25/10. Long term disability and now my insurance is stuck on some overpriced cobra plan so I can continue to receive medical treatment.

The follow-up MRI revealed that I have a SECOND Ruptured disc right above the other that just recently happened, putting me in a nearly identical state of pain. To top it off, there are a few discs that show signs of bulging and degeneration.

My doctor says I have a fairly advanced case of Degenerative disc disease, as a side-note, there is no medical solidity to this term. Degenerative Disc Disease is something we all get, Mine just happens to be further along than it should be. its looking like in 5 years or less if things keep going like they are, I will have difficulty walking, or wont be walking at all again.

SO... to top this shitty shit fest off :P, I also just had to have 2 fillings put in on both of my canines. Its like... Ive decided to fall apart this year.

I spend most of my days in a fog of hydrocodone induced hazes. Much like being stoned only with a lot less pain sensations from my hip.

I'm still here if people want to talk and stuff, just forgive me if I'm distracted and forgetful.

This image, has completely thrown my perceptions on life, existence, and abstract thought, out the window.




this is Worksafe:
http://scuttle.mirror.waffleimages......871c61f384.jpg

is in need of funds apparently. I can sympathize on the pain levels :O

anyways, read it and check it out :3
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/...../#cid:13779303

I think cute just divided by zero

http://www.thebest404pageever.com/s.....tssomemore.swf

GOD HELP ME THIS IS THE MOST ADORABLE THING EVER.

Just finally getting around to uploading stuff that I commissioned ages ago.
Figure... waiting half a year before posting is fair game :3.

Well, for some god-awful reason I decided hey, I want to play FFXI

However... that isn't possible thanks to Failonlines service. I'm not sure where to start on how fucked up and ancient their billing service is.

Not to mention Ohh hey, you haven't played for a year. We are gonna delete you shit, all of it, buy a new Copy of FFXI. It used to be 3 months, back when I played unfortunately. Because obviously, player data is so big. Even fucking Ragnarok and these Failure Korean MMO things manage to let you keep your stuff indefinately.

But if I see that error ucs-60257 one more time, I am probably gonna wind up on one of those tv specials about the worlds worst Customer service calls. I get vague answers and shitty results when I try to look up the error.

If FFXIV is on playonline, Im going to cancel my reserve on the stupid thing. I have little desire to deal with Square enix anymore.

There is no web support for your account, you have to register via failonline viewer. Clunky navigational systems leave you putting wayyy to much effort into merely typing in your info. And then they want you to use some bizzare 3D secure system.

In contrast, I could just, like on a whim, go reactivate wow. Taking maybe 5 minutes tops to do so. And some of that wait would be the account activation itself. No bloody hoops to jump through for that. AND they use paypal now.

So far the proposed solutions are: Buy a temp credit card! I mean, disregarding that there is no sane reason for my credit card to fail.
HURP DURP CALL UR BANK AND YELLS AND VERIFY YOUR INFORMATION. I'm sorry mister reading from a script, Ive used this card for 5 years, im pretty sure, the info I have entered, Is correct.

All this hassle makes me less inclined to even play it now.

Are a fucking joke. Don't delude yourself into ever thinking the person on the other end means shit when they tell you they love you.

Its only super rare cases where the ultra lonely will hook up outside of it. You are a fad, you are a passing thought to make them feel better about themselves, and nothing more.

Once it gets to serious, it is over, be it at your own hands or theirs.

Dunno, not necessarily wanting furries persay to be the exclusives. But anyone here on FA use PS3 at all?

Been mucking about on that Home thing since its rare and difficult for me to get up for long periods of time. Back injuries suck x.x;

Feel free to add me, drop in, or whatnot on PS3 Home.

PSN: Neyodragon

So Returning from the Diskectomy~

They held me in the hospital for a day, and then sent me home.
the broken squished whatever fragments of my disk that had ruptured, where removed, sadly though... I had a torn ligament in there as well. so, he shaved off the tear.

I'm guessing the ligament tear wasn't too terrible, since it only extended my recovery time a month.

Anyways, back :X.

Wow enter key fail:
editing along. Tomorrow I have surgery on my back~ Lower disk ruptured, getting it pulled off of the nerve. I wills be mostly away this coming week so.... Just wanted to put something here so you all didn't think I was dead :P.