i'm just venting some frustrations curently, you dont need to read this but if you do thanks. i was seeing this guy, he made me laugh he knew how to make me smile when i was crying he treated me like i was the most important human on the planet he called me beautiful (being gender fluid he said i was beautiful in my dresses too. thats a biggy for me), two, maybe three days ago. he crushed me, i found out he had been seeing this other guy befor he met me, he ripped my heart from my chest, i felt like i had no where to go but down, into the depths. i'm angry i'm deppressed my eyes are all red and puffy from crying, he says he still loves me and cares about me and that every thing he said was true, but how can i belive that... i want to hate him, want to find him kick him in his stupid fucking head, push him into the dirt, beat him, and walk over his body grinding my shoes into his body, i want to scream and yell at him. i cant do any of this cuase i loved him so much, i dont want to hurt him. i hate all this and at this point of wrighting (6:44 AM) i feel so lonely. he was supposed to be my knight in shinning armour my prince charming, he was my boo bear, my rock, the tree that shaded me from the bad things, he was my star. but as of now, i've given up ever meeting my knight or my prince charming, i've given up on love, on ever finding someone who will hold me while i cry and say everything will be ok who will want to keep me forever. i just.... i need someone to talk me down, everyone says im better off without him, or that hes a dick, but i cant see the light at the end of this dark tunnel. sorry this is so wierd i just needed to vent.

so new update from lil ol me (not that many people actualy ya know read these)

thing one i have officially moved into an apartment with my friend and his girlfriend in missoula montana so thats got some boost to my social life (still single and lookin for a long term thing which ya know hard to do)

thing two i've started to work on becoming a professional stylist mostly i'm helpin my friends right now but hey gotta start somewhere

thing three i'm workin with a few other friends here in missoula to create a video based on the ever popular game "slender" which features the very creepy slender man, im going to be playin the role of a young man who gets lost in the woods and is being chased down by our slender friend

thing four im going to be starting up a youtube page for game', mostly the actual game i'll be playin is minecraft (i know how original) but im also, for another set of videos, gonna be critiquing the outfits of various video game characters from final fantasy to costumes like the ones in the legend of zelda series (if anyone has any other ideas for gaming videos i should do let me know) so be on the look out for my new channel QueerEyes4GameGuys

and for finally i have started a secret project kept hidden from my friends i'm wrightin a book which is the bigest project i have like ever done and i haven't even started yet.... god i hope this works

Among other things my life has become rather intreating. From my idea for a fantasy blog (any writers who could help a brother out I need critics on said blog) to making necklaces (already sold five) to a dream that I'm dating a member of my favorite podcast. And then there's me moving which I'm TERRIFIED about as I've never lived on my own so I'm all "meep save me". I've also been doing tarot readings. All in all I've had an interesting year thus far and I cant wait to see what else happens. Thanks for reading my lame ass post
Love from your friendly neighborhood bunny
~ Nicholas

ok so this is late again but i didnt get much work out in (was able to lift weights) my family was visiting here so i couldnt get away to do my stuff but im still losing wieght (i have to ware a belt now to fit my jeans)

so yeah thats it for this one and now that fam is gone i can start doing some work outs (have to tweak my schedule a littel looking at apartments this week)

im two days late on this but i have droped about 2 lbs but thats not much to celibrate when i get to the top of the M THEN i'll celibrate maybe treat friends to ice cream or something, so far i have ran 75 minutes did 120 jumping jacks sit ups and push ups and lifted a total of 250 lbs (give or take) i'm feeling fit to i'll update agian this week end see you then

updated work out schedual
fist jumping jacks sit ups 20 each at 3:00

the 15 minute run at 5:00

10 pound waight 50 reps at 6:00

fix a healthy dinner at around 10:00

shower at 11:00

in bed by midnight/11:30

take a day long brake on sunday

ok as all you missoula people know the M is one hard climb for most of us. i myself have never made it to the top. but this year its gonna be different this year i plan on getting to the top of the M and dancing like a nut job when i do.

this is where y'all come in. i need support for those days i plan on giving up. i have a schedule that i will (hopefully) stick to starting next week on monday (i'll take brakes ever once in a while to cool down maybe on wedsdays)

before each i stretch for one or two minutes

starting in the afternoon at about 1:00 no matter where i am i run atlas 15 minutes (be it in a parking lot or on my tred mill)

then i brake for a few minutes for a cool down

then after that at about 3:00 (may edit to fit my schedule) i do jumping jacks push ups and sit up at least 20 of each

brake for a bit to cool down

and finally by the end of the day i work out on my brothers bo flex outside atlas 50 pulls on a weight set i can do

thats my plan i will make a jurnol at the end of every week to keep you up to date i hope i can count on you guys to keep me encouraged and to stop me from giving up.

so if and when i FINALY move i may need a room mate you know to help pay bills and such BUT i wouldn't know if its a good idea so im looking into pros and cons of room mates i know a pro would be bills and food but i need more any one got anything?

now the fursona dilemma its not necessarily the animal i ADORE rabbits and it suits me its coming up with the characters designs. now i cant draw for shit XD and thats one of the road blocks i've come to so far. i've seen allot of people who KNOW what their sonas look like but i haven't got a clue, i don't even know where to start i don't know if i should go simple or crazy i have this huge wall in front of me and i cant come up with anything. i know allot of you probably are thinking "hes a moron" or something to that mystical effect but i want to have a look that i like and that no one has seen before but i have no idea something i can say "yep thats me" to maybe get a fursuit or something of.

sorry for that fursona thing but its been bugging me alot for along time so you know thanks for reading anyway ^^;

so my plan for moving out of my grandparents house after a week or two that failed i'm still stuck i'm praying i get out of here before spring kicks into high gear but its not looking so good for me right now wish me much luck guys i'm gonna need it

OH also on the 18th to the 19 of this month i'm going to bingo in cordalane idaho with my nana i'm looking forward to that don't know where the hotel is but i love spending time with my grandma and i find bingo to be fun when i'm with her XD

so to recap down side not moving out as soon as i hoped plus side i get to go to bingo with my nana. anyone who sends me well wishes on me winning bingo gets a cookie :3

im home from a meeting a summit i got the information on apartments so thats good i'm hoping -crosses fingers for luck- to get into the new equinox building it would be my first choice but if thats not possible i have more options so once again wish me luck guys. if you have an questions about what i'm gonna do when i get there... dont bother asking cause besides meets i have NO idea seeings as i have no friends in missoula. so yeah thats all i have now stay tuned.

so in the coming months i will be looking into apartments in missoula montana (cross your fingers for me) it will be the first time im living on my own do im nervus as hell i'll be updating about my move as much as i can i'll be going to the summit facility to get help finding said apartment in a week or two so yeah thats all for now

dude needs unused characters/ adopables

go here DO IT NOW ---> http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2381331/

001. Name →Phillip McGillen
002. Nickname(s) → Phill, Phillepe (don't ask) bunneh boi, so many others
003. Status → Taken
004. Zodiac sign → gemini
005. Male or female → i'm a dude

006. Elementary - golden dale elementary
007. Middle School - golden dale middle school - another school - linderman middle school (i moved allot)
008. High School - hellgate high school
009. Smart → depends on what you mean if your asking book smart not realy
010. Hair color → dark brown
011. Long or short → shortish
012. Loud or Quiet → as my favorite quote says "people i don't know wish i talk more. my friends wish id shut up
013. Sweats or Jeans → jeans i'm a cowboy baby
014. Phone or Camera → camera
015. Health freak → not one bit
016. Drink or Smoke? → nether not my thing
017. Do you have a crush on someone? → I will never stop having a crush on my guy
018. Eating or Drinking → Need both to live.
019. Piercings → not one
020. Tattoos → do not want

FIRSTS:

023. First Mate → joshua
024. First best friend → alan
025. First award → >.> perfect attendance award in 5th grade
026. First crush → jake
027. First pet → pug dog R.I.P cassy V.V
028. First big vacation → Uh... we never go anywhere
030. First big birthday → never had a big party -shrugs-

CURRENTLY:

049. Eating → no
050. Drinking → no
052. I'm about to → watch 1 girl 5 gays on logo :D
053. Listening to → 1 girl 5 gays on logo XD
054. Plans for today → watch 1 girl 5 gays the nanny and the go to bed

YOUR FUTURE:

058. Want kids? →mayby if my man wants it
059. Want to get married? → BIG GAY WEDING ME BITCHES
060. Careers – I want to go in to animal care nlike at a shelter or something ^.^

WHICH IS BETTER WITH OPPOSITE SEX?

068. Lips or eyes → Eyes
070. Shorter or taller? → a little taller
072. Romantic or spontaneous → Both.
073. Nice stomach or nice arms → nice arms
074. Sensitive or loud → Sensitive when needed and loud when partying
075. Hook-up or relationship → Relationship
077. Troublemaker or hesitant → dosent matter

HAVE YOU EVER:

080. Lost glasses/contacts → never wore them wish i did though i like glases
081. Ran away from home → once but i got cold and ran home XD
084. Broken someone's heart - Yes
085. Been arrested → Nope im a good boy ^^
087. Cried when someone died → i guess im a little emotionally stunted atm

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

089. Yourself → yes
090. Miracles → yepers
091. Love at first sight → i guess
092. Heaven → No.
093. Santa Claus → HELL YEAH SANTAS MY BFF
094. Sex on the first date → hell no
095. Kiss on the first date → maybe

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:

097. Is there one person you want to be with right now → Yep! but hes in new york MISS YOU BOO
098. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life → yes sir
099. Do you believe in God → No.
100. Post as 100 truths and tag people? post yes tag not my thing

soooooo~ i think i'm kinda special in high school at age 18 in my senior year i won a most inspiring student award so yay me just thought id share that with you guys =3

• × • ALL | ABOUT | ME • × •
____________________________________________________________________________

- Name: phill/ alot of other things
- Single or taken: taken and happy~
- Sex: Male
- Birthday: June 17th
- Sign: Gemini
- Hair color: Brown
- Eye color: some color
- Height: 6"1'
- Are you straight/bisexual/gay?: Gay~
____________________________________________________________________________

• × • F A S H I O N | S T U F F • × •
____________________________________________________________________________

- Favorite place to shop for clothes?: target or wallmart i guess
- Favorite designer?: No clue =D
- What is your sexiest outfit?: <////<...>///> my boyfriend made me get a pair of panties a while ago i hate him for it
- What is your most comfortable outfit?: jeans and a polo like shirt
- What do you usually wear?: blue jeans polo shirt and a hoodie
____________________________________________________________________________

• × • S P E C I F I C S • × •
____________________________________________________________________________

- What kind of shampoo do you use?: every thing i guess
- What are you listening to right now?: tv fullmetal alchemist brotherhood is on
- Who is the last person that called you?: o.o no idea
- How many buddies are online right now?: 9
____________________________________________________________________________

• × • F A V O R I T E S • × •
____________________________________________________________________________

- Food: chicken +-+
- Girls' names: hannah
- Boys' names: brad
- Subjects in school: english, reading
- Animals: wolves

• × • H A V E | Y O U | E V E R • × •
____________________________________________________________________________

- Given anyone a bath?: once >///> my male cusin >////>
- Smoked?: Ew..no X.x
- Bungee jumped?: nope dont think i want to
- Made yourself throw up?: I've tried.. just to get outa school
- Skinny dipped?: with my brothers sexy friends +-+
- Ever been in love?: Yeah
- Made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: yesh
- Pictured your crush naked?: .... oh yeah that was fun
- Actually seen your crush naked?: once
- Cried when someone died?: mhm
- Lied: v.v yes im so ashamed of it
- Fallen for your best friend?: nope
- Used someone?: Nope
- Done something you regret?: alot of times

____________________________________________________________________________

• × • C U R R E N T • × •
____________________________________________________________________________

- Clothes: polo shirt and blue jeans
- Desktop picture: big mac from the new my littel poneys show >///> DONT JUDGE ME -runs away crying-
- CD in player: hillary duff CD
- DVD in player: i could be wrong but i think its a porn dvd XD
____________________________________________________________________________

• × • L A S T | P E R S O N • × •
____________________________________________________________________________

- You touched: myself XD
- Hugged: my friend amanda she was coferting me while i was crying
- You kissed: my brothers best friend XD
- You IMed: my hunny <3
- Talk to online: my hunny <3
- You sexed it up with: -virgin-

___________________________________________________________________________

• × • A R E | Y O U • × •
___________________________________________________________________________

- Understanding?: Yeah
- Open-minded?: mmhmm
- Arrogant?: i have no idea
- Insecure?: Kinda..
- Random?: sometimes
- Hungry?: alot
- Smart?: oh hell nah
- Moody?: never
- Organized?: i call it organized chaos my family calls it a hell hole
- Shy?: sometime
- Difficult?: i always win so yes i am
- Bored easily?: Oh yeah i am
- Obsessed?: with having my first sexual incounter yes
- Angry?: Hardly ever :3
- Happy?: all the time
- Hyper?: only on tuesdays
- Trusting?: not often

___________________________________________________________________________

• × • R A N D O M • × •
___________________________________________________________________________

- In the morning I: sleep and growl at people who try to wake me up -not a morning bunny-
- Love is: amazing
- I dream about: hmmmm idk
- Sexual preference: I LIKE PENIS
- What do you notice first in the sex you're into: the eyes
___________________________________________________________________________

• × • W H I C H | I S | B E T T E R • ×
___________________________________________________________________________

- Coke or Pepsi: its not coke its cock -inside joke
- Flowers or candy: flowers
- Tall or short: dont care about it much

___________________________________________________________________________

• × • W H O • × •
___________________________________________________________________________

- Makes you laugh the most: my bff kogi
- Makes you smile: my hunny <3
- Gives you a funny feeling when you see him/her: if i could see him my hunny most likely <3
___________________________________________________________________________

• × • D O | Y O U | E V E R • × •
___________________________________________________________________________

- Sit on the internet all night waiting for that someone special to IM you?:yes
- Wish you were a member of the opposite sex?: nope im like doing drag
- Wish you were younger?: sometimes
- Cry because someone said something to you?: only if its mean

___________________________________________________________________________

• × • N U M B E R • × •
___________________________________________________________________________

- Of times I have had my heart broken?: 8
- Of guys I've kissed: two
- Of girls I've kissed: i like penis
- Of Cd's I own: alot XD
- Of scars on my body: zero

so this week in my local news paper i read something that made me go "wtf..." so i thought id type it u (in case you guys haven't herd about it)

Arizona legislators quickly approved emergency legislation Tuesday to head of picketing by a Topeka kan., church near the funeral service for a 9-year-old girl who was killed in the tucson shootings.

Unanimous votes by the house and senate sent the bill to Gov.jan brewer who signed it tuesday evening. it took effect immediately.

The bill "will assure that the victims of Saturday's tragic shooting in tucson will be laid to rest in peace with the full dignity and respect that they deserver" Brewer said in a statement praising lawmakers for "a remarkable spirit of unity and togetherness"

Without specifically mentioning the Tucson sooting, the new law prohibits protest at or near funeral sites.

Dozens of lawmakers co-sponsored the bill and legislative action was completed within 90 minutes. the senate's committee hearing took just three minutes

(now heres the paragraph that made me go what the hell man)

the Westboro Baptist Church said monday it plans to picket Thursday funeral for Chtistian Taylor Green (the 9 year old mentioned earlier) because "God sent the shooter to deal with idolatrous American" the fundamentalist church has picketed many military funerals to draw attention to its view that the deaths are God's punishment for the nation's tolerance of homosexuality

this time i think Westboro has gone over the line if ya read this tell me what you think and thanks ya'll